Perhaps worth mentioning here is that my job is to prepare meals for residents of a “five-star” retirement home, where they pay four to ten grand a month in rent alone.

I will not tell the chef how to cook, and I won’t be told how to eat.

Yet, knowing these is more than just looking fancy. For example, among the type of people that dine this way, very subtle breaches of these rules can be a way to make a point without making a fuss or a lot of noise or attracting a lot of attention – if a server is inappropriately slow due to laziness or lack of attention, breaching a minor “this is rude to the server” rule can be an effective way of saying that it’s noticed and not appreciated, without causing a scene or having to vocalize displeasure.

I once ended up in dining in a private suite at the races, having to make polite conversation to a politician I detested. So in French (to be more discreet about it) at the beginning I quietly told him I would be polite so long as he did not argue my views on politics, for the sake of everyone else (who were of the opposition anyway)- otherwise I would be unable to hide my comtempt. He ignored what I considered to be a polite request, argued with me about my own father’s stance on the Lisbon treaty to the disgust of everyone else- at which point I lost it and asked him whether he thought since we were discussing the subject, his decision to choose not to support protecting the average wage by voting Yes, was a direct result of his earning so much money it made no difference to him? He coughed, said nothing and ignored me for the rest of the meal.

At the end, to his irritationa and humiliation, the host raised his glass and winked at me. There’s a lot to be said for breaking the rules of ettiquete- and it’s never worth it. Learn them- you never know when you’ll need them.