Instead of a “best of” list, I thought we should have a bit of fun with a “worst of”. Inspired by Blender’s top 50 guide, I have put together this list of the top 10 worst artists in music. Please be sure to tell us your own most hated bands (include youtube links if you can).
10. La Toya Jackson If you feel the funk
Is it just me or does that look Michael Jackson in a dress? In fact… has anyone ever seen the two of them together at the same time?
9. Howard Jones New Song
Maybe, just maybe, it would have been better if Howard mimed and the mime sang! This is a memory of the eighties I am sure we would all happily give up.
8. Vanilla Ice Ice Ice Baby
This is seldom the case, but I can honestly say that words fail me.
7. Lipps Inc Funky Town
This has to be seen to believed. Around 2:23 the girl in pink has a stroke – well – it looks that way anyway.
6. Asia Go
This guy has as much talent as a drunken karaoke singer.
5. Starship We Built This City
As Jefferson Airplane, this band was actually not too bad. Unfortunately things turned sour when they changed their name. Oh – check out President Lincoln’s cameo around 1:25.
4. Kenny G Love Song
As a public service, the List Universe will supply free sick bags to anyone requesting them after watching Kenny G in the video above.
3. Michael Bolton Said I loved you… But I lied
This one even comes with fake pan pipes – awesome! Not. Nice song title too.
2. Emerson, Lake and Palmer Hoe Down
What is most astonishing about these guys is that they were actually quite successful! Who would have believed it?
1. Insane Clown Posse Hall of Illusions
WARNING: This video contains explicit lyrics and clowns. Oh – and guess what? These guys were involved in professional wrestling – I think that really says it all.
This list was inspired by this list at Blender.
Technorati Tags: music
You don't like Emerson, Lake and Palmer? Now, granted, Hoedown is probably not one of their better pieces, but still… you put them on and leave off that guy who wrote the song "Convoy"?
I'm so confused.
What about “Who let the Dogs Out?” instead of ELP.
What, no Fall Out Boy or Akon? That's okay, the rest of this list satisfies me enough. =) Good one.
Akon was good in I Just Had *****, just like Michael Bolton was good in Jack Sparrow, but I think it was thanks to Lonely Island they’re great! xD
The only ‘artist’ I’ve heard of in that list is Vanilla Ice, and only because of the dispute about using the ‘Under Pressure’ bassline
I think Kenny G’s Love Song is what they play on a loop at the Chinese rest. here
Good list! Grace Slick is usually well good though (With Jefferson Airplane she did rock).
There’s a lot of rubbish in the mainstream nowadays. MTV and whatnot. It’s marketting, it’s the *industry* over artistic merit.
At least Ice Ice Baby is kinda funny.
I choose not to comment anymore on this particular post.
dangorironhide: Seriously? Not even La toya Jackson?
Aud: haha and in elevators
Hobolad: I agree about the mainstream.
Juggz: Have I included someone you like?
ice ice baby = one of the worst? that song made me smile, heh.
The creepy thing about Latoya Jackson is that she has her brother’s face… after his surgery :S
About Funky Town… the video is really hilarious, but the song is catchy! I’ve had it in my head all the afternoon!
Very funny anyway! Great list!
No Avril Lavigne? Just for using “sk8er” as a word in a song title should be reason enough
jfrater, you must admit that ELP were pretty good musicians compared to the rest of the list. It just didn’t age well I suppose. Keep up the good work
Yes Jamie you have
Sheyhey: with that reasoning I would also have to include Madonna for her priceless: “other places make me feel like a dork” just so she had something to rhyme with dork
RobS: youtube for convoy?
Damn you made me comment again…..oh well
Juggz: oh
Lipps Inc?
juggz: oh – now that you have broken your silence you will just have to talk as normal
Wow…there are 6 songs on that list that I actually listen to on a regular basis. man …
wow – I have never written a list that so successfully annoys the regular readers!
I don't agree with only one entry in this list. It's Howard Jones. No, I don't really like him, but its the 80's, it's all about synthetizers, and not taking the music too seriously. Many of the artists just had fun with it, they didn't think like they were the next big thing. Now, La Toya… I'm sorry to say this but no matter the decade she just has no talent in music. Overall, great list.
I actually used to like Insane Clown Posse back when I knew nothing about music D:
Could not find a video of C.W. McCall doing his song, “Convoy”, although I did see him lipsyncing to it, way back in ’75 and it left me traumatized for several days.
Jamie: Not annoyed just confused. lol. I have 5 of theose songs on my mp3 player. The 6th one I listen to at a friends house. It is baffling
Insane Clown Posse just played in Norfolk, VA last week. I’m forced to be in this awful city for work. After seeing some of the people that live here, it makes me shudder to think of a place filled with their fans. Yes I am a snob.
Here’s an idea for a list, great British bands that Americans haven’t really heard of like Pulp and Super Furry Animals (OK, they’re Welsh, but same island).
Ken J: Did they play at the Norva? I hated Norfolk, but then I spent most of my time there in Ocean View.
good list, waaaaaay too short, tho.
I could do a top (bottom?) 150 at least.
wow, insane clown posse. wow, la toya. Everyone one this list makes music seem less like an art form and more like a plague.
Ravyn: I’m not sure what the place is called. It’s a theater across the street from the MacArthur mall where Tidewater Community College is. Morrisey played there in August which kind of surprised me.
I usually find something to like about cities I go to, but Norfolk is completely lacking in charm. I can’t wait to get back to Seattle.
Yep, Insane Clown Posse takes the cake, yet they still keep selling millions of albums.
These are all really good candidates for the worst music videos.
Ken J: It sounds like you are talking about The Scope (the big dumb dome). I haven’t been in Norfolk in over 2 years. I am going for not being there the rest of my life. Only thing I liked about Norfolk was leaving it.
Where’s William Hung!! His “rendition” of She Bangs was, how can I put this delicately, *bad*.
Let me step in and explain why I think Emerson, Lake and Palmer belong on this list. (And I do think they belong here). jfrater can then chime in tell me if I’m on the money.
ELP symbolized everything that was disgustingly wrong with 70s “progressive rock.” They–along with the utterly execrable group Yes–were what was left of the absurd hippie ethic in music which had sprang up in mid-60s California, epitomized by groups like Quicksilver Messenger Service, Moby Grape, and Jefferson Airplane. At the time, some of this music was good. Much of it sucked. In time, however, it fell into a pit of suckage which rock has never since plumbed to. And it got especially bad when the Brits got involved. The English groups of the day had some pathetic need to promote themselves on the basis of their “musicianship,” and to adopt pseudo-classical themes and motifs in their music. (Britain, you see, being so much more a class-ridden society, had a tendency to spawn rockers who felt the need to “prove” themselves as “legit” to the upper-class intelligentsia). And so you end up with something like ELP and their ilk—generally indicative of 20 or 30 minute masturbatory solos and jams, filling up whole sides of LPs, with a lot of oppressive, ridiculous fantasy/sci-fi-inspired lyrical imagery, mind-numbing and soul-sucking. Not the kind of music you dance to—oh no—dancing is teenybopper-ish, lowbrow! These guys were out to prove that they were as good as Beethoven! Or Bach! Or Handel! Or… well, fill in your favorite classical music figure that pretentious types would want to emulate.
Rock and Roll nearly died because of *****s like this, and their California counterparts, both in the prog rock scene and the laid-back “country-rock” scene of the same period. We almost buried Rock and Roll because of groups like ELP and the Eagles. Thankfully, some kids of the day were fed up with this junk, and decided to reinvent the form, and voila, you had Punk.
But there’s your answer. The reason ELP is so much worse than the worst cheese-pop groups you can think of is because ELP were serious about what they were doing–they really believed in the drek they spewed out, that it was “art.” That makes them dangerous. Thank god their wretched influence died when the ***** Pistols stepped forward to destroy their kind once and for all.
The question I have is, why is Lipps Inc. here? It seemed to me this list was more like “Worst Performances” than “Worst Artists.”
But see, the trouble is, there’s so much godawful crap out there to choose from…
Good thing prog rock still isn't around!
Oh, wait. The Mars Volta.
What an insipid post — no wonder it comes from a punk fan. Have you even listened to Yes? Yes has some fantastic melodies in addition to their instrumental skills. I have no idea why punk and prog cannot co-exist, but I will say that most of the animosity comes from the punkers fighting a battle that was settled long before most of them were born.
If nothing else, no Black Flag album ever had a cover as cool as the ones painted by Roger Dean for Yes.
I nearly voted up your coment, but then you praised the Yes cover art. Next time maybe?
Wow… 2007. Still, the idiocy in your post prompted me to state the fact that most if not all punk is ear rape, sang and played without talent or effort and when not “signing” about how they waste their time the YELL about the same things the *****iest of hippies would. They seem to actively try to appeal and appear as the lowest society has to offer, sort of a reverse of what you arrogantly accuse British prog rock bands of doing. In the end you act like you’d dine on a fried rat simply because it isn’t a cheeseburger, roasted lamb, or some tofu crap.
At least you punks are fun to fight, cholos here in socal are a joke and hipsters are just for stress relief.
Great comments Randall. Only complaint is I’m not sure I would include the Eagles with the others.
Kind of reminds me of Nirvana kicking the crap out of hair bands but that’s another story.
Norfolk does pretty much suck. Come up to Richmond sometime. Might not be Seattle but it sure beats the hell hole that is Nor***** VA.
“Funkytown” was covered by a band called Psuedo Echo. Somehow they actually made it worse.
You (Insert insult here)! I love (insert song/artist here). And (insert another song/artist) sucks way more than (someone on the list). How dare you!
That should cover most anti-list responses.
For the pro-list responses.
Right on! (insert song/artist here) really (sucks, blows, reminds me of being downwind of a paper factory or a hog farm).
Maybe you should put up that recording of the worst singer, ever, from before.
Cat Skyfire: Florence Foster Jenkins? Her list is featured on the front page today
I had a good laugh over this list! I was not quite familiar with Howard Jones, but this could easily be a repressed memory…
I could speak as normal, but Ive been bitten byt the Halo 3 bug….now Ravyn might just get ahead of me in the comments.
Juggz: How is Halo 3. I have been holding off on getting it (don’t want to spend money on it)
Ravyn: It is nothing short of godly.
well that’s just my opinion. 
Heiho,
about adopting ‘pseudo-classical themes and motifs’, Hoedown is composed by Copland (also Fanfare for the Common Man; basically I think that’s the reason why ELP are in this list). Mussorgsky’s Pictures At An Exhibition was outstandingly performed by ELP. I’ve heard much worse ‘genuine-classical’ interpretations.
If mankind’s mind about music would have been stuck with Randall’s we would still listen to someone who just knocks two rocks together. But there is something like creativity involved, and this is turned on by subculture contra mainstream, in a very simplified and shortened summary. This evolved music throughout the centuries, and it evolved especially in popular music throughout decades or even shorter intervals.
ELP were in the same manner the climax of a detaching from folky-flowry-powry stuff like, if you want, the ***** Pistols (of whom no-one seriously talks anymore in a more creative than chronological way) marked the detaching from concept rock.
And about dancing, I think it was Charles Mingus who said something in the lines of ‘white men say you can’t dance to jazz; well, I say, white men can’t dance at all.’
_____________________
But I don’t want to elaborate too much about ELP. I just want to say this list topic is very, very irritating. I would have expected a list containing Florence Foster Jenkins (again ^^ ) and suchlike, and maybe some of the radical amateurism movement, namely the Portsmouth Sinfonia and similar. Or probably some freak show of worst cover performances, whatever.
Instead of that the list contains something like ‘artists jfrater dislikes most’. Which is ok for another list, but not with that topic.
hehe
Welsh people are British. Wales is in the United Kingdom of Great Britain.
Jamie – I’m a regular reader and I’m not annoyed; I agree with all of your selections as bad artists if not necessarily the worst. Just when you think it can get no lower….it does!
I have to say, that Girl In Pink from Lipps Inc. scares me. Seriously. A lot. If one of my coworkers came in with those wide glazed eyes and frozen smile I’d be running out the back door, because I’d be pretty sure that it was a matter of seconds before they started shooting.
id agree with juggz halo 3 is godly. Id put my gamertag up on my profile for anyone wanting to be pwnt, but i appear to have lost my password. Anyway, ever heard of the casualties? even for punk music its pretty bad. and you sorta scared me, at first when i saw howard jones i thought you meant a song from KsE, but then i saw a white guy with knappy hair.
This is a great site but a horrible list. Some bands on here weren’t real or popular enough to deserve a spot and then the list maker obviously has an axe to grind against Carl Palmer. Both Asia and ELP are listed with Vanilla Ice? Those bands still tour. Howard Jones had a comeback just last year. They belong on a list with Lipps, Inc?
Lame list that weakens the overall excellence of the website. Disappointing.
Where’s Milli Vanilli?
Honestly, I think I could pull off better dance moves than the girl from Lipps Inc and thats an incredibly sad statement.
This is when you fire your choreographer.
Yeah Jamie I agree with Juggz, it might be better to layoff on worst music, as you could tread on other people’s toes. But hey it still your blog and opinion so you are free to do as you’d like.
librarian: the majority of the list was compiled by Blender Magazine and VH1 – so it isn’t a list of artists jfrater doesn’t like – in fact, I had not heard most of these songs before starting on the list. I mention Blender in the first paragraph of the list
Rey: Hiding their head in shame I imagine
Ken J the Welsh ARE British! I just had to comment on that, sorry if i sound snobby. And never ever ask a Welshman what part of England he’s from. People ask my Welsh fiance that all the time and it *****es him off.
Mary, didn’t see you had already commented on that!
Top 10 worst artists in music now or 10 years ago? wow its the same old tired shtick such as Starship “We built this city” and Vanilla Ice “Ice Ice Baby” ; when did those songs come out again?
there are at least 100,000 artists past and present out there and these are the 10? I respect the ones mentioned, they filled a role, such as Starship for a lame song trying to sell Burger King’s Burgers. Vanilla Ice proved that at least in the early 90s, whitey couldn’t rap and street cred meant something. However, both are catchy and should be far from the 10 worst ever.
Insane Clown Posse, or ICP, are not the worst artists ever infact they should be far from the worst 100 simply because they are unique artists who make their own form of insane rants and raves and put them into a rap-style song that is unique. The Beastie Boys did it, Eminem did it, 50 did it, even Kid Rock did it a little bit with his hit song Bawitdaba and other similar songs. However nobody strikes a nerve as the most debased as ICP. There are others on Psychopathic Records but they are based off of the ICP formula and thus cannot be declared the worst. I watched that music video “Hall of Illusions” and I thought it was really awesome for an ICP song, I’ve heard and seen worse from them, trust me. It touched upon real issues such as the sickos who roam the trailer parks, dysfunctional families, and so on. Plus it was a fun song, and for the sugar popstars I hate their songs infact most of pop and the “boy-band” and “divas” are the Worst imaginable and they should be the worst 10. however it will never happen since most people’s taste in music involves pop-synching vocals and lame background “music”.
Yes, Michael Bolton is a fudgepacker and an assclown when it comes to music, but he needed to be so he would become infamous as the namesake to (one of) the protagonists in the movie Office Space. That movie would not be the same were it not for Michael Bolton, in both ways.
“Funky Town” is a cool song, one of the best from the last 50 years I think.
Don’t forget Fergie. She can’t spell, her songs are cookie-cutter, annoying, and hard to listen to, and as an added bonus, she’s quite unattractive.
plus fergie pee’d herself on stage :-0
she did? That is pretty revolting. Was it drugs?
i have no idea what the cause of, i guess just hitting that high note caused a loss of bladder control, but there are numerous pictures from the performance on the net. yeah, so uh after that any feeling of attractiveness was lost to me
evan: I’ve got to see a video of that, sounds like some serious lulz to be gained
why is there no nickelback? WHY IS THERE NO NICKELBACK?
She (fergie) said she had to pee and because she was performing at that moment, she didn’t want to interrupt the show to go to the bathroom. It was one of those New Year’s eve concerts, I think.
What, Ryan? You don’t want to be a “rockstar”?????