So – the inevitable has happened – zombies have attacked the world. You need to know how to survive and this is the list you need – the top 7 zombie survival tips.
1. Pull your shit together!
If it’s a zombie infestation, the cops, firemen, and ambulance men will all be rather busy, or dead. When the first zombies are seen, the police will take them to hospitals. Do not lock yourself in your apartment and wait for the police to save you. Do not cooperate with the authorities. They know nothing about zombies, as they believe that zombies are a myth.
2. Get armed
You do not want to face zombies and be unarmed, even if they are not so smart or quick or powerful, they will be too dangerous to fight bare handed. Firearms are good, but you should also have some side weapons you can use if you run out of bullets, or if they get too close. Anything’s good: knives, swords, axes or even poleaxes if you know how to use one properly. Blunt weapons are also good, but you must wear protection goggles and a mask, or something to protect your face from the splash.
3. Get armored
You must try to protect your body as much as you can, especially the neck, arms and legs. These are the most exposed parts to bite. You can find lots of body armor from army surplus shops, or even martial arts and hunting shops. Jeans also offer good protection from bites.
4. Leave town
If the zombie infestation caught you in a big town, you must leave immediately. It’s one thing to face 10 zombies, but another thing to face 10000 zombies. Best thing is to go to the country. Farms are quite easy to defend, and the open spaces won’t let you get caught by surprise.
5. Gather supplies
Gather as many supplies as you can. Everything from bottled water to gas – you will need it. And it won’t be hard to do it…if everyone’s dead it won’t be stealing! Best thing is to get a truck and start looting the largest stores in the area. Don’t go into big towns, and don’t start looting until you are 100% sure there won’t be a zombie attack, let alone a big one! You don’t want the authorities to stop the attack, nor do you want to end up in jail for looting.
6. Barricade
Some barbed wire and a whole bunch of gas filled bottles can do wonders when defending your resort from a zombie attack. Also, alarms are a very good idea. You can make them yourself (some cans and pots on a wire) or get a real one, motion sensors and everything (see number 5 for looting tips – Gas and Generator required).
7. Search for survivors
After you have enough supplies, and your home and the surroundings are safe, you should start searching for survivors. Even if you are the only one of your group still alive, you’ll end up going mad if you remain alone. Start with the small towns around you. It will be quite easy if you have a zombie proof car. Just go to the town limits and honk. If zombies are there, they will head in your direction and you can just leave; alternatively you will recognize the survivors and can form a group. Safety in numbers!
Contributor: Yaurt
Iteresting list. Just one question… #7 you said honk your car horn,if there are zombies they will head in your direction…
Now if there were a zombie attack and someone honked a horn, that would mean someone with an intellegence would be near aka not a zombie. I would head towards the car as it would be a means to save myself.
Oki it wasn't much of a question but more of a state of confussion…
Thats understandable, but you have to remember that zombies are pretty obviously attracted to noise, if someone honks a horn to see if there are zombies there, and they all go running towards it, you're then able to moove a little more freely for the time being and find a place where you can get the attention of the one in the car.
DUH! that and it puts all the zombies in one place. which could provide a trick. put a bomb in your car, set off its alarm and run. when the zombies get there, set off the bomb.
my wife and i had a discussion after watching 28 weeks later, where would we go in town to try and outlast the invasion?
we determined that the best place in town that has supplies, ammo and controllable entrances is wal-mart supercenter. they even have beds, toilets, more supplies than we could use in probably a year. we could get up to the roof to shoot down, like in dawn of the dead. we could even hook up an x-box to keep us entertained.
Too easy to get caught by surprise
wait a second…. you are on the roof of a Wal-Mart Supercenter SHOOTING ZOMBIES and you suggest hooking up an X-Box for entertainment?!?!?! BWAHAHAHAHA But seriously, I suppose some guitar hero might be fun. Just no FPS's.
Bad idea most likely the place would be full of zombies. Not to mention the parking lot.
You wouldn’t need to play a fps when the real thing is all around you! Haha!
In the original Dawn of the Dead, one of the bikers is stealing a TV set, and another biker biker says, "what are you gonna watch? There aren't any TV channels broadcasting". And the first biker says "oh, right" and smashes the set. Now, isn't that kind of silly? I know there weren't DVD's or X-boxes etc in 1978, but surely there were video tapes that you could have watched on a TV set? Or even some early video games you could have played?
While this might seem like a good idea in theory, many other survivors would have the same plan. You could wind up outside a Wal-Mart and find hundreds of people fighting for control of resources and security. Also, a number of people in the crowd could have zombie bites, would die and then turn in the middle of the frenzy and cause and outbreak from the inside.
Personally, my plan would be to stock up on as much supplies as possible to hold myself and up to 4 others for at least 3 weeks, a month tops. Over this period of time, 1 of 2 things can happen.. 1: the majority of humans are dead and/or are zombies. 2: Humans have controlled the outbreak via army controlled bases operating proper checks and containment of infected.
Assuming No.1 has happened, (note: living life during the zombie apocolypse, A LOT of assumptions will have to be made about almost every choice you make, nothing is certain) I would make my way to the nearest police department (completely ignoring the number 1 tip on this list). Any survivors might be here and they would most likely be well armed, and after a month in the Z.A, they will know when they see a human or a zombie, so little chance of being mistaken for the walking dead…
I could literally write a book on what I would do during the Z.A but that would be my first course of action.
Sooo much wrong here, or at least flawed. Mainly that you should rely on guns as weapons. Your first weapon is your own body; being fast and fit will help with survival more then anything else. Second weapon should be a strong melee weapon, think like in Shaun of the Dead; although I prefer a crowbar because it has other functions. Third weapon should be a silenced simple rifle, like a .22 or preferably an AK-47. Forth weapon should be a silenced pistol. Also, using fire in order to survive is a bad idea 95% of the time. Fire has no allegiance to you just because you created it; in other words you burn too. Also, gathering supplies is something that you should do while "getting your ***** together." It's a lot easier to navigate a city when it's not full of zombies. Also body armor is heavy and often not flexible.
.22s are good to have, but over long distances they tend to lose power and accuracy, causing misses. the only redeemable faeture would be that they often lack the power to go (completely) through the skull, causing them to bounce around and mess up the brain. But a better option would be to buy 9mm rifle and pistol combo. Shared ammunition means less shopping around, and the 9mm has decent stopping power. And silencers are extremely expensive, and often either illegal to buy or highly watched, as they're often used for killing people. You could fabricate your own, but that still takes time and the right materials epending on your gun.
As for body armor, with the invention of a little thing called kevlar, and more recently, dragonscale, body armor, or even just a layer or two of leather, are all relatively lighweight and would protect you from the teeth of most people.
Regarding the silencer issue, there won’t be any law in the zombie apocolypse to prevent you from having a silencer. If you find one which fits to you’re preferred weapon, pick that bad boy up and never let go of it.
Ravyn: if there are zombies that means that are NO survivors!
Richard: Dogs are a great defence, but we don't know if they would be afected by the virus…you don't want your 3 dobermans to get zombie on you, don't you ?
dangorironhide: i've read the book, but i do not aprove it!
kunleski: i'll see you mailing me when it's goin' down
DiscHuker: glass walls ?!
Yarr: #4 …if you are prepared, read this thing, when the thing happens, you won't do those mistakes. ANd hot zombie killin' chicks are not so easy to find…around here anyway…
yuart: are you joking? obviously there would be surivors! because there wouldn’t be much point making a list about surviving a zombie apocolypse if you were dead or a zombie! also, zombies have to bite people to infect them, you don’t automatically get turned into a zombie.
I always thought learning to drive stick would be helpful in case the only working car you could find was a manual. That’s pretty much the only reason I learned.
Nice list. Anyone interested in further increasing you chances for survival in case of a zombie outbreak should read “The Zombie Survival Guide” It’s hilariously brilliant.
Why does no one suggest keeping a dog? My dogs are better than any burglar alarm, and there’s no reason to think they wouldn’t warn you about zombies!
Dogs attack by biting which might be a bad idea if your dog can become infected. Even if he can't become infected the dog can easily be swarmed and killed.
um the blood in zombies is mutated if a dog bites a zombie theres 90% chance that the dog would be infected
P.S zombie dogs are worse than regular zombies
Actually if an animal got infected it would die off before the disease can complete it’s process. Thus it wouldn’t matter.
Anthony: It seems this list has been taken straight from there
Apologies if it hasn’t Yaurt!
lol 8. run faster then the other ppl in ur party.
har-har-har-har-har That made me lol till I lmfao rofl har-har-har-har-har lol lmfao. Rofl. U sir, are a genius. Lol. Cinsrrly, My dog, Mr.MoustacheKitty <3 I love you. Please contact me at 361-645-9158. Text me anytime sweety.
Oops – forgot to add the contributor – I didn’t write the list so I don’t know the source aside from the contributor
crazy list! zombies exist only in the movies
You never know
Neo said it best: “Guns, lots of guns!”
#4 could be either good or worse. The original Night of the Living Dead happened in a farmhouse and everyone there got croaked.
Also, #7, Search for survivors: No good. In all the movies it’s the in-fighting between the survivors that ends up causing all the problems and getting everyone eaten. *****’em. Hold on to your woman or find a hot chick that can shoot and run, and ***** on everyone else- If they are so craptastically awesome, why are they just waiting around for your happy ass to come save them?
har-har-har-har-har That made me lol till I lmfao rofl har-har-har-har-har lol lmfao. Rofl. U sir, are a genius. Lol. Cinsrrly, My dog, Mr.MoustacheKitty <3 I love you. Please contact me at 361-645-9158. Text me anytime sweety.
yeah, zombies…just thinking, why aren’t there ever any lists about how to be a SUCCESSFUL zombie? Is there a zombie equivalent to the Evil Overlord list? Because if there isn’t, there should be.
Ok. so, all I have read is the titles, and I havent read the comments and I am aware of the book by the similar title that has been submitted here above , but , my answer right now…is … “Become a Zombie.” Yes thats right, I dont mean acting like one, but just go on ahead and let one of them flesh munching/ brain eating- Somnambulistic Infestations- take a chunk out of yah and go on your merry way. It cant be all that different than what the majority has already accepted from the moment in time when their dreams were broken, left out on a plate-in front of the home (disconnected from the original couple)-a welcome mat for the horror maw of humanity’s complacent weeknesses……naw, I meant to say-nice one. get us in the mood..I saw a Hillary Clinton rubber mask among the rest of the halloween “trophies” hanging high in the Party store. I wondered. yeh.
I’m so printing this out and taping it to my wall. You know, just in case. You can never be too prepared…
Good list.
great list good advice #8 should be WAIT it out we are talking dead people walking around bloodthirsty dead people but dead people none the less ,,once you have your safe place just wait (1 to 2 months ) the zombies will rot away,, P.S. a horde of rampaging zombies is my worst fear i dont care how impossibly unlikely it is
yaurt: Well if there is no survivors then why would anyone need a list of how to protect yourself from zombies. And why would you drive a car into the mid of zombies and honk a horn to find survivors just to draw all the attention to yourself. Better yet…why would you even need to drive a car. If there are no survivors that means you wouldn’t have survive either. Driving a car just seems pointless.
You honk because in your car you can outrun them. And btw, get as many big cars as you can, SUV’s , trucks, no small, tiny, pretty convertible cars.
and jfrater, why is this list in the humour section ?!
I agree with all but 7, once I form a group I can trust, I’d be extremely hesitant about allowing strangers into it, they could be insane, annoying, or Scientologists (see insane).
Dont find survivors, it leads to arguments, anyony seen 28 days later?
Stay on your own, or with real close family + friends.
I would head straight to sainsburys, buy months supply of food on a credit card, fill my house full of food, then hide in the attic with my family, only going down to get food.
yaurt: You missed my point. If there are no survivors that would mean that you didn’t survive either. If you didn’t survive there would be no point in honking your horn as no on survived. And being as you didn’t survive either, I don’t think you would have the intellegence to purposly honk a horn anyway. If no one survives and you are a zombie, yet again I ask, what is the point of a Zombie Survival list.
Ravyn: Who said there will be no survivors ? Cause’ there will be, those who take this list seriously!!!
The only survivors will be the few people who thought ahead and built a spaceship in there barn. Therefor flying it to the hidden NASA colony on mars.
Ravyn: oh…i said that…
ok, i over reacted 
I’m waiting for the part where someone blames the Zombie epidemic on Bush/Cheny/Rove/Hannity/Coulter.
Ciob wtf are you doing here? Still savin` the world? MZ1 best fortress in the worlds. Even has interphone
.
Yaurt: Sorry. I just call it how I see it
hmm
Man things are running a bit slow
Ziggy, around here i am called “Yaurt, the master of zombie survival”
And an apartament building is the worst ideea ever!
Yaurt, if you were truly the “master” of zombie survival guide you would know that a bicycle is the best form of transportation during a zombie attack. Cars are incredibly loud, can only go on roads, and will eventually run out of gas. Not to mention everyone else will be getting in their cars to try and escape so the roads will be clogged. A bike is relatively silent, never runs out of gas, and can go where a car couldn’t even fit. Many of your suggestions are very good, but you need to read “The Zombie Survival Guide” and “World War Z” both by Max Brooks.
Yaurt:
Sorry there’s no hot chicks in your town. That sucks a lot. But in case of zombies, I’m still going to load up my babe and my doberman and a *****load of ammo and food and head for the hills while giving the rest of the world the finger. If other survivors somehow make it to my hideout, they can come in and hang out and drink a tall glass of shut the ***** up about “What are we going to do next?” There is no next. We survive. We chill. We shoot zombies and play scrabble. If you don’t like it, go find your own hideout Captain Awesome and get the hell out of mine! And no, you can’t have any Twix, either; I only have a couple left and they’re mine.
David:i really would like to see you rammin’ throu’ 100 rampaging, blood thirsty zombies with your bike!
And about those, i already read “The Zombie Survival Guide” and i so don’t aprove it!
If you have enough gas(see #5) you don’t have to worry about the noise. You can even stop and shoot or throw molotov cocktails at them untill you waste them and then loot or search for survivors.
Yarr!!! That’s the ***** i’m talkin’ about!
Yaurt: I’d really like to see how your car is going to survive 1000 zombies beating on it because you alerted them with the engine running. It doesn’t matter how much gas you have, eventually you’ll run out and then you’re SOL. Also, the more gas you bring, the less room you have for food, ammo, and other supplies. Since Zombies are slow, biking through a small number, 50 max, would be feasible. A car is all well and good, but it should be for long distances with all of your supplies, not for exploring unknown areas or what have you. How exactly does the amount of gas you have relate to noise? A car makes noise if it’s running, and in a situation where there would be few survivors in a big city a running engine is essentially a signal flare to all zombies that can hear it. Finally, this isn’t a movie, molotov cocktails could just as easily set you and your precious car on fire. And what happens when you’re surrounded by zombies, all trying to get you, and you throw out a molotov only to have that burning zombie come crashing into your metal shell.
I would like to know what you disagree with in the Zombie Survival Guide? I thought it was quite logical and clear cut. I suggest you read World War Z also.
Edit: Yarr, thats actually a pretty good plan. A babe and a dog are very good sources of morale, if for different reasons. The one thing everyone seems to forget about zombie invasions is morale, because that’s something you can’t buy, loot, or train.
Okay, as much as I love zombies and this list makes me happy, I don’t think it’s very appropriate to show an actual murder in process as the picture for number seven does.
cats are also good at alerting you of the presence of zombies, and they require way less food than dogs and can forage well. just stock up on dry food and they’ll fatten up on rats, etc. They’re also better company and WAY less annoying than men. the only thing you need men for is protection, unless you can find enough other women to gang up with.
get back in the kitchen
I don’t need to comment but I will cuz that was frikin hilarious!
Humans! Stop all the make believe fighting allready! and just become one of us, like I was sayin.
Jeremy: that cant be for real. why would that be? It looks real though. lets wait for Yaurt to reply.
mishelse: Are you from the “Island of Women and Cats”?
Jeremy & Diogenes: I found it on google, searched “zombie”
read tip #4
David: Dude! you got like 10 tons of gas at home, you don’t move around with all your food and gas and eveything! And when in a car, if you had read tip #1 you wouldn’t stay and cry in the front seat when 1000 zombies are smashing the car (and btw, you with your magical bike could handle them ?), in the first place you are not supposed to be in the middle of 1000 zombies!
dude every one is saying car cuz its fast or bike cuz its small
just get a *****ing chopper
Yaurt: Wait I’m confused, where is this 10 tons of gas I have and why wouldn’t I want to take all my supplies with me during an invasion? Simply put, a car is perfect, even preferred, for that initial escape from town or post-invasion supply gathering expedition. I can’t argue that a bike could carry all of my supplies, much less those of a whole crew. A bike is better for quick in-and-out missions you might need to do. The biggest advantage a bike has is it’s ease of use. Everyone knows how to ride a bike and they’re a whole lot easier to fix than a car.
While I could go on, I won’t. I can agree that a car is a necessity, but it shouldn’t be a crutch. As a final thought, what if Murphy’s Law begin to take effect? That is, when something, anything, goes wrong. The best action is to just be prepared for the worst.
I would still like to know what exactly you disagree with in The Zombie Survival Guide.
David: the 10 tons of gas you already have are at home, with all your suplies (see #5 and #6)And while looking for survivors the suplies are at home, and when the survivors are found you take them to your base, or, if they are also prepared the survivors will have two bases, and so on.
Now really…if zombies atack, and you have to choose between a bike and a Hummer…you’ll choose the bike ?
yaurt+David: Just stick a bike or two on the bike rack on the top of your hummer! Problem solved, you can ride them when you need to be quiet, and you can drive when you need to go fast. Cant believe no one said that already.
One of my cheif concerns about a zombie attack is the seemingly inavoidable affliction of one of your party members. If your best friend in the world comes back to the stronghold one night and tearfully shows you a bitten arm, how are you going to deal with it? Its just always been one of my fears, haha.
Teach your spouse to shoot and teach your kids o load magazines, lots and lots of magazines. Happiness may be a warm gun, but bliss is an endless supply of fresh magazines.
Teach your spouse to shoot and teach your kids to load magazines, lots and lots of magazines. Happiness may be a warm gun, but bliss is an endless supply of fresh magazines.
Okay so has anyone seen Land of the Dead? worst zombie movie ever! A zombie playing a trombone and trying to be a human? And then the zombies figure out how to use guns and ***** like that! The whole point of mass zombies is they use brute force and teeth to win their battles not guns, they re dead for christ sake. Dawn of the Dead was one of the best movies ever but the sequel was the *****test.
oh yea how the hell is a cat supposed to warn you of a zombie, meow? it’ll just run away and it can’t protect you worth *****!
Land Of The Dead Was A Crap Fest
Whoever said keeping a dog would help didn’t think it through. Sure it would be nice at first, and they could alert you to some zombies, but if they dog ever gets bitten then it becomes a zombie dog. And everyone knows a zombie dog is ten times worse than a regular zombie.
Zombies are dead, therefore they can not generate their own body heat. This means that they freeze solid when the air temperature drops below freezing (32 degrees F). Pack up all your cold weather camping gear and a ton of food and head north. When winter comes to the rest of the hemisphere, you can just drive south again to re-supply. Take-out any frozen zombies you come across with a crowbar.
Repeat as long as necessary until the zombies have all rotted away.
Since summer in the northern hemisphere is winter in the southern hemisphere, no matter when a zombie outbreak took place, half of the world would be in winter. A zombie outbreak couldn’t spread very fast if zombies froze whenever they were outside. The cold places would probably be able to resist the initial onslaught pretty well, and would have lots of time to prepare for the warmer weather when the zombies would be thawed.
I am starting to feel like I will definitely survive a zombie attack now – I will just use all of the tips in the article and comments and I can’t go wrong!
Pick up a copy of “World War Z” and “The Zombie Survival Guide” by max brooks. That has EVERYTHING. you will need.
Kenndo: Good idea, that's just what I was saying. A car is number one, but after the initial escape a bike should be all you need.
The year is 2011. Cars are not that *****ing loud. You cannot even hear mine running. All of your ideas should go right back to the drawing board.
jfraterI am starting to feel like I will definitely survive a zombie attack now
Or a Democrat Presidential Convention, at the very least. They are very similar.
LOL! dead on cannon.
Slow and dumb traditional zombies, we may get our butt kicked for a while, but once large organized operations start we’d be ok.
fast and strong 28 days style zombies, we’re f*#$ed.lol
http://www.cracked.com/article_15643_5-scientific-reasons-zombie-apocalypse-could-actually-happen.html
Sounds like this list came just in time :0
the zombies in 28 days later really freaked me out. i had never considered one that was sprinting. if those jokers are hanging around, get somewhere fast and bar the doors. don’t try to make any attempts to be a hero unless the situation absolutely demands it.
now, if the shaun of the dead zombies show up…find small groups of them and practice killing them. find out what works best and get good at it.
so long as we are talking about zombies that don’t have the ability to rationalize and problem-solve, i still like going to the local supercenter for a base camp. do you guys have wal-mart across the atlantic?
i can’t believe that anyone would suggest riding a bike in the midst of zombies. you only have to be wrong one time for it all to be over.
jamie – on a different list you said that you didn’t like shaun of the dead. what for?
think about it though, if you hold up in walmart, youre going to be in an urban area. that means upwards of several tens of thousands of zombies, good luck. if there is a large scale outbreak, you must sooner or later leave the urban areas.
Bike is a good means of transport for several reasons. No fuel necessary, agile, light, you can go places cars cant, if necessary you can carry it. true there is no protection from attack on it, but as long as you pay attention, you should never get close enough to zombies to make it a problem.
dude youre bein chased by a crowd of em scared *****less if your foot slips off the bike or you cant keep going dead if you accidentally twist the handles dead if your chain slipps off dead
car all the way
DiscHuker: No, I think there are no Wal-Marts here (at least I have never seen one
) but of course there are thousands of big shopping centres where you can build yourself a decent fortress, most of them settled close to a train station and featuring repair shops and gas stations.
Anyway, if you still hesitate, you can take this test to check your chances of surviving
http://www.justsayhi.com/bb/zombie
(By the way, I have a 60%)
35%? Decent I guess.
evan – mobility, agility are far down on the list of things i need in my transportation when in an attack from the un-dead. protection is my only concern. like i said earlier, if you make one mistake whilst riding a bike, you are done. if i turn the wrong way in my hummer, i run over a zombie and have to back up.
assuming that zombies eventually die from malnutrition, like in the movies, i would choose a great fort with months of supplies over running off into the woods or a far off cabin. after fortifying the doors, walmart would give me more food than i could ever eat, a huge cash of weapons and ammo and plenty of distractions to help with morale.
BTW, i have a 50% chance of surviving.
ture but youll become a target for other survivors. in that kind of a situation, people will become more dangerous to you then zombies.