Subscribe to ListverseTop 10 Funniest IRC Quotes
- Published November 28, 2007 - 85 Comments
[WARNING: This list contains offensive language - some of a sexual nature] This list will have limited appeal, but it brings back some great memories for me (having had a little fame in the IRC world in the past). Bash.org keeps a collection of the funniest brief conversations had on the Internet Relay Chat. If you are unsure what IRC is, I strongly urge you to try it out. EFnet is, of course, the greatest network: irc.efnet.net will take you to a server.
Quote 10
<Mikkel> If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your ass would you tell anybody?
<Celestya> i dont think so
<Mikkel> Wanna go camping?
Quote 9
<Charlesowns> Man i was surfin porn and like “normal” surfin at the same time, so my mom comes in and i quick as hell tab down the porn. So now im looking at a SWAT vest and an Mp5 submachinegun trying to hide the giant penis in my pants. Then all of a sudden this realy gay male voice speaks out realy loud goin “i want to suck your big dick ans swallow your hot sperm” then like 100 popups open up all consisting of hardcore fetish gayporn.
<Charlesowns> man my mom started crying and now she thinks im gay… it owns
Quote 8
<superwoman> I had a boyfriend once that made me suck him off while I had a mouthful of beer.
<GrandCow> HAHAHAHA that was me bitch!
<superwoman> DANNY?!?!?!
<GrandCow> MOM?!?!?!?!
Quote 7
random girl: hey!
me: …hi?
me: who is this?
random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace
random girl: ur hot
me: thanks
random girl: np
me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don’t want to talk to her
me: what should I do?
random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing
me: oh alright
me: I have to go
me: my mom is kicking me off
me: bye
Quote 6
<Sigurd> a sprite is anything not static
<SRElysian> a sprite is a variable object
<SRElysian> be it 2d or 3d
<TorMuck> a sprite is a fucking soda
<TorMuck> you god damn geekass bastards
Quote 5
<evilada>: Best suicide plan ever
<mcm310>: what is it?
<evilada>: you go up to the top of a roof
<evilada>: string piano wire tight across the front edge at neck level
<evilada>: tie a cord to your foot and the other end to the building so that you’ll be above sidewalk level when its fully stretched
<evilada>: then you put super glue on your hands
<evilada>: and put your arms around the front of the wire and then back to touch your head
<evilada>: then you lean forward, so the piano wire cuts your neck but not your elbows
<evilada>: when the cord goes taut, youll be hanging upside down with no head….except your head will be in your outstretched arms thanks to gravity and the glue, staring at someone upside down and spewing blood everywhere.
<evilada>: And some poor bastard will be traumatized for LIFE.
<mcm310>: i dont think i can be your friend anymore
Quote 4
<samsim> I heard about this guy who broke into a lion’s den at the zoo
<samsim> and got mauled
<samsim> and people were talking about how there should have been better defences put up to prevent people getting into the cage
<samsim> a friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent
<samsim> for example, putting some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in
Quote 3
<Pax> I wish my lawn was emo, so it would cut itself.
Quote 2
<Raize> can you guys see what I type?
<vecna> no, raize
<Raize> How do I set it up so you can see it?
Quote 1
<benja> A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question
asked was:”Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the
food shortage in the rest of the world?”
<benja> The survey was a huge failure…
<benja> In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant.
<benja> In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant.
<benja> In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant.
<benja> In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant.
<benja> In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant.
<benja> In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant.
<benja> And in the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant
November 28th, 2007 at 1:53 pm
ROFLMAO!
November 28th, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Are you guys even trying anymore?
November 28th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
Oldies, but goodies.
November 28th, 2007 at 2:05 pm
Jakooob: I have a special interest in IRC from the past and I wanted to share some things that I find very amusing. I am sorry it doesn’t appeal to you – but I write lists that interest me – the site has done well based on that alone so far.
November 28th, 2007 at 2:06 pm
HJAHAHA Great list
November 28th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
that is hilarious…….
November 28th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
Huge LOLz at number 8!
November 28th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Loved #1! Superb, jf!
November 28th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
I agree Jakooob. 1/2 of these are just jokes I heard YEARS ago in highschool.
November 28th, 2007 at 2:33 pm
lame.
November 28th, 2007 at 2:34 pm
#5 was extremely hilarious!!! ROFLMAO!!
November 28th, 2007 at 2:38 pm
bash.org much?
Lame. I’ve read these a thousand times.
November 28th, 2007 at 2:38 pm
where are these negative people coming from?
November 28th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
kelsi – read the first paragraph much?
November 28th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
J..was wondering the same thing myself. not our usual quality comments.
November 28th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
it was bound to happen i suppose. nothing lasts forever.
November 28th, 2007 at 3:01 pm
#7 is awesome
I’m going to have to use that sometime!
November 28th, 2007 at 3:03 pm
actually i think lists of even ‘limited appeal’ have a place here. which might encourage more list submitters. consider concepts that are not just mainstream. there are plenty of lists in archives of broad appeal. submitting a list for consideration of being posted is always encouraged too. so i think some of these nay sayer types would do well to submit a list themselves!
November 28th, 2007 at 3:04 pm
I am just wondering if I am anywhere on bash. I never even seen the site before.
November 28th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Oh, for heaven’s sake. #10 is a classically old joke from my elementary school days. I remember that joke from when I was 12 or so.
At least you didn’t include the bash.org comments that are actual jokes, told as if they were original creations of the chat user.
November 28th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
yah you dont like the content its not like its out of your power to chaneg that. dont just complain do something about it, be it suggestions or submissions.
but seriously what is the draw of IRC?
I never did use it alway been content with yahoo or msn or whatever.
November 28th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
The only lame thing about this is the negative commenters. Since I’ve never heard these before, I thought they were pretty damn funny.
For all those who join to post ‘lame’, go back to Ebaumsworld.
Listverse has become my online heroin. Thanks Jfrater!
November 28th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
jfrater: maybe they all ate some poo?
November 28th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
A few of these are classics, and then a few are new to me. IRC FOR THE WIN!
And the draw of IRC is that, unlike AIM/MSN/Yahoo!, where it’s one-on-one, IRC allows you to form entire communities. That’s why almost all manga groups are based in IRC: because it allows the staff to colaborate, and allows the fans to get at the releases and talk to the staff.
November 28th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Very funny. Thanks!
November 28th, 2007 at 4:04 pm
There is nothing lame about negative comments. It’s not just mindless bashing, there is a reason for this. My complaint is that this list requires close to no effort. Go to bash.org, hit top 100. This is exactly the same as if someone were to make a new list, Top 10 Books at Amazon.com, and then proceed to write down what the site says. I guess I can’t blame you guys, you can’t always make original lists. Sometimes you need to “pay tribute”.
November 28th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
Jakooob: you have a point as far as list originality but thats not the problem in this case. there have been a few other lists i have noticed that are the same thing. I have noticed some that are carbon copies of there source and some that are the same idea but different entries in lists. it happens content runs thin and people clamour for more lists. so we get lists like this i had never seen any of these except 10 but just as universal joke, so therefore i enjoyed the list and as long as one person enjoys it im sure jamie or stew or whoever did the list is content.
the problem here is that the comments are so NOT listverse. there not the type of comments we usally run across here. I think Comment #10 is what got jamie to say something personally as your comment was just an observation whether then the outright waste of comment space that #10 was.
Fekket: Ty for pointing that out. Like i said i have never felt the need to use it or come across anybody else who uses it regularly.
November 28th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
You know what, I’ve read most of them before too, doesn’t stop them being funny! So what if some of them are old? Who cares if they are from bash.org? (fyi – read the first paragraph.) Is it so much to ask that you don’t label jfraters efforts as ‘lame’ just because you’ve already come across the info?
Not everyone will have read them and some people might really enjoy them.
Stop complaining, jfrater rules!
November 28th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
I second that!
November 28th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
I did read the first paragraph…doesn’t make them any more amusing. I read the Top 200 several times a few years ago and laughed my ass off every time, but since then, every time I go back to check if something new and funny has appeared, it hasn’t. I was just hoping for a more enriching, educational list. If you’re going to post carbon copied crap, I’d wait an extra day for a good list. That said, it’s not my site and I appreciate all the effort that goes into this. If I had not read these countless times before, it would have been very amusing. I just appreciate originality and creativity. If it takes a little longer, so be it. A better final project is usually what we see here, and that’s why I frequent the site. I know that jfrater struggles with time constraints and funding, therefore quality and originality cannot always come first. However, I feel I was perfectly in line to comment on this list with my feelings on it.
November 28th, 2007 at 5:31 pm
I don’t know what made me laugh more, reading the list or reading jfrater’s responses
I use to play on Prodigy chat like 12 years ago and could follow the fast paced environment. I don’t think I can do that anymore. Too much going on. Definitely a skill.
November 28th, 2007 at 5:33 pm
I thought number four was terribly funny.
November 28th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
It’s ok to be critical. You don’t have to like everything Jamie puts up here.
I, for one, would be in favor of less posts if this meant the quality of lists would improve.
November 28th, 2007 at 6:09 pm
ROFLMAO – I thought these were funny.
I agree, it’s Ok to be critical but ‘lame’ is hardly an intelligent comment to make if you don’t find the list amusing.
angelina #23 – still laughing
November 28th, 2007 at 6:28 pm
A list for 12 year olds
November 28th, 2007 at 6:52 pm
that was not me who left quote 10
November 28th, 2007 at 6:58 pm
Lol! Although I never heard of IRC or been on it, some of these quotes are hilarious. My favourites are #8 and #6. It is a good list, I don’t understand why other people can’t get the humour.
November 28th, 2007 at 7:36 pm
LMFAO! But #3 is too old. And no offense, but I don’t get what the pictures have to do with the quotes other than being IRC…
November 28th, 2007 at 7:53 pm
List Universe is my personal bedtime hero.
I never thought LU was lame for this list, nor will I ever. I just thought it was odd to post a bash.org-based list.
In the back of mind, I’d expected it to pop up eventually. That’s why I love LU.
November 28th, 2007 at 9:10 pm
it’s funny…
November 28th, 2007 at 11:03 pm
I have no idea what IRC is but those were hilarious.
November 28th, 2007 at 11:35 pm
Funny thing about number 10, I had a guy try and use that when I was working tech support the other day in our live chat. I blocked his IP as spam, good luck if you ever need actual help.
November 28th, 2007 at 11:40 pm
i have to say, these are some weak IRC quotes, i see another one of these lists on the horizon because I’ve stumbled to literally hundreds of quotes just as good, or better then these.
it’s a good list though, i don’t really go into the realms of IRC, not my thing, but the quotes that they produce are priceless.
November 29th, 2007 at 4:52 am
Jeez ppl can we all just get along?
November 29th, 2007 at 4:59 am
srichards: I try
November 29th, 2007 at 8:03 am
that emo lawn quote made my day. ingenious.
November 29th, 2007 at 8:06 am
Another one:
#1: My dad found my pornfolder today.
#2: What did he say?
#1: He asked me what defence I had.
#2: And?
#1: C:\Documents and Settings\*****\Important\Documents\Work
#2: What’s that?
#1: His pornfolder.
November 29th, 2007 at 8:10 am
dalandzadgad: it is my favorite too
Patrask: that is brilliant! Thanks for mentioning it
November 29th, 2007 at 9:16 am
Haha xD
November 29th, 2007 at 6:24 pm
I’ve never heard of IRC, is it like instant messaging? Anyway, this list was really funny!
November 29th, 2007 at 6:28 pm
Monkey: Now I don’t feel so bad. I guess you and I are the only people to not know what it is! And, yes, they were funny!
November 29th, 2007 at 7:44 pm
Monkey and angelina: Taken another quote from that site…”IRC is just multiplayer notepad.”
November 29th, 2007 at 8:05 pm
ok…I am a dork, but I thought #3 was very funny… and on a side note….
jfrater : I didn’t realize you were so famous…I am even more impressed now.
November 30th, 2007 at 4:36 am
ok maybe not the right place to ask this but whatever….
jfrater:
“Jamie Frater, born in Naenae (a suburb in Lower Hutt), New Zealand, is an opera singer based in London. In 2005 Frater was placed third in New Zealand’s premiere opera song competition the Lexus Song Quest.”
and
“Jamie Frater, listmaker”
are these one and the same???or did wikipedia get it wrong???
and if wikipedia didnt get it wrong….then why isnt there a mention of ur greatest work “ListVerse” ???? and aslo…WOW ur an opera singer??????
seriously u shud hav an “about me” section on the site….:)
November 30th, 2007 at 4:47 am
Shabab: That is me yes
I am far too humble to have an “About JFrater” section 
November 30th, 2007 at 4:50 am
A fly on top of an elepant is higher than elepant.
Some pople are born to annoy.
November 30th, 2007 at 11:08 am
A lot of the comments seem to show how poorly thought out and constructed this site is. Go to oddee.com for much better lists and a much more capable site. I have made that my new list-site of choice.
November 30th, 2007 at 11:24 am
PinkNips: top 10 license plates at oddee is better than what you get here? They post once a week if you are lucky – so I am glad for you that you have found an alternative – but I think you will find it boring every other day while you wait for them to write an article.
Having looked through the previous comments you have made on the site, they are almost all negative, so I think you were probably in the wrong place in the beginning anyway
November 30th, 2007 at 11:34 am
Since wiki is editable by users, someone should add listverse to Jamies page
November 30th, 2007 at 6:06 pm
Oddee is better?! No way! Jamie’s right, updates are posted weekly if you’re lucky. Enjoy checking out the same list for the next 7 days! LOL
December 1st, 2007 at 4:42 am
xD This is the best list in the world.
December 25th, 2007 at 6:52 am
7 is class. Another great list, keep it up jfrater.
December 26th, 2007 at 12:25 am
Oh, wow. That last one is really clever
December 26th, 2007 at 9:46 pm
Wow, J! I’m impressed, too! I think I have a webcrush now!
And thanks for always being such a diplomatic host. That’s hot, too.
For the record, I hadn’t read any of these before, either, and I enjoyed the list.
December 27th, 2007 at 6:00 am
Anya: thanks for the supportive comment
The negative ones are a bummer but they won’t stop me posting lists that interest me – lists such as this one! It is important that all you readers enjoy the lists – but it is also important that I enjoy making them – if I don’t enjoy it it becomes a job and then everyone loses out 
December 28th, 2007 at 11:53 am
Awesome list. I’m somehow not surprised at your background Mr Frater. That is, just from the tendency toward artistic lists.
December 28th, 2007 at 11:55 am
And you have stunning eyes.
January 21st, 2008 at 11:53 am
why is this in the NSFW section?
January 21st, 2008 at 1:26 pm
bdizzle..maybe due to language.
February 14th, 2008 at 5:08 am
Her: I want a pet squirrel
Me: Why?
Her: They’re cute
Me: So? You’re cute too
Me: But you don’t see me saying I want to put a leash on you and keep you in a cage
Me: or do i?
February 19th, 2008 at 5:11 am
Man I want more of these!!! They are so funny!
February 23rd, 2008 at 2:38 am
I hadn’t seen this before,I think it’s hilarious.Oh,and im definately impressed with Jamie’s resume!!
March 8th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
meh. http://www.bash.org
May 16th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
wow, this list is really funny!
I love this website so much.
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:37 am
Not nearly as chuckle worthy as what’s on this list..but it made me laugh..hard…this person is usually a genius.
One: How can there be a sense of dread from me joking about being emo about my blind eye…you put that kitchen knife down now! A retinal problem? Could that happen if it was lazy but went blind over the years?
Two: Why would you being lazy have anything to do with being blind? >.>
May 27th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
#3 isn’t that good.
I’ve heard that quote too many times.
June 11th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Been reading loads of these while at work , this is fucking hilarious!! i use to use irc when i played this crappy game runescape wow man some of that shit was funny!!
September 11th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
This made me laugh harder than the “I.Beat Blaxx” Telephone!
January 5th, 2009 at 10:15 am
Last was the best man.
January 18th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
i died laughing dude. like srsly.
February 1st, 2009 at 4:43 pm
OMG 5 4 and 3 are sooooooooooo funny…. GOOD JOB!!!
February 24th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
Very funny and definitely real. Chat can be hilarious when it’s not insufferably dull.
March 23rd, 2009 at 2:57 am
I LOVE THIS LIST!!! =))
April 2nd, 2009 at 11:51 pm
-you know what i don’t get?
–laid.
–and you never will.
(one of my favourite bash.org quotes ever)
June 28th, 2009 at 4:39 am
This list is hilarious!!!!!!!!!!