Show Mobile Navigation
Technology

Top 10 Funniest IRC Quotes

Jamie Frater

[WARNING: This list contains offensive language - some of a sexual nature] This list will have limited appeal, but it brings back some great memories for me (having had a little fame in the IRC world in the past). Bash.org keeps a collection of the funniest brief conversations had on the Internet Relay Chat. If you are unsure what IRC is, I strongly urge you to try it out. EFnet is, of course, the greatest network: irc.efnet.net will take you to a server.

Quote 10

Bersirc1

<Mikkel> If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your ass would you tell anybody?
<Celestya> i dont think so
<Mikkel> Wanna go camping?

Quote 9

Bitchx Gtk

<Charlesowns> Man i was surfin porn and like “normal” surfin at the same time, so my mom comes in and i quick as hell tab down the porn. So now im looking at a SWAT vest and an Mp5 submachinegun trying to hide the giant penis in my pants. Then all of a sudden this realy gay male voice speaks out realy loud goin “i want to suck your big dick ans swallow your hot sperm” then like 100 popups open up all consisting of hardcore fetish gayporn.
<Charlesowns> man my mom started crying and now she thinks im gay… it owns

Quote 8

Xchat-3-Channel

<superwoman> I had a boyfriend once that made me suck him off while I had a mouthful of beer.
<GrandCow> HAHAHAHA that was me bitch!
<superwoman> DANNY?!?!?!
<GrandCow> MOM?!?!?!?!

Quote 7

Colloquy

random girl: hey!
me: …hi?
me: who is this?
random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace
random girl: ur hot
me: thanks
random girl: np
me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don’t want to talk to her
me: what should I do?
random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing
me: oh alright
me: I have to go
me: my mom is kicking me off
me: bye

Quote 6

Irssi

<Sigurd> a sprite is anything not static
<SRElysian> a sprite is a variable object
<SRElysian> be it 2d or 3d
<TorMuck> a sprite is a fucking soda
<TorMuck> you god damn geekass bastards

Quote 5

Ircii

<evilada>: Best suicide plan ever
<mcm310>: what is it?
<evilada>: you go up to the top of a roof
<evilada>: string piano wire tight across the front edge at neck level
<evilada>: tie a cord to your foot and the other end to the building so that you’ll be above sidewalk level when its fully stretched
<evilada>: then you put super glue on your hands
<evilada>: and put your arms around the front of the wire and then back to touch your head
<evilada>: then you lean forward, so the piano wire cuts your neck but not your elbows
<evilada>: when the cord goes taut, youll be hanging upside down with no head….except your head will be in your outstretched arms thanks to gravity and the glue, staring at someone upside down and spewing blood everywhere.
<evilada>: And some poor bastard will be traumatized for LIFE.
<mcm310>: i dont think i can be your friend anymore

Quote 4

Bersirc

<samsim> I heard about this guy who broke into a lion’s den at the zoo
<samsim> and got mauled
<samsim> and people were talking about how there should have been better defences put up to prevent people getting into the cage
<samsim> a friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent
<samsim> for example, putting some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in

Quote 3

Pirch-6

<Pax> I wish my lawn was emo, so it would cut itself.

Quote 2

Ircle

<Raize> can you guys see what I type?
<vecna> no, raize
<Raize> How do I set it up so you can see it?

Quote 1

Bersirc1-1

<benja> A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question
asked was:”Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the
food shortage in the rest of the world?”
<benja> The survey was a huge failure…
<benja> In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant.
<benja> In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant.
<benja> In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant.
<benja> In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant.
<benja> In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant.
<benja> In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant.
<benja> And in the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant

Jamie Frater

Jamie is the founder of Listverse. He spends his time working on the site, doing research for new lists, and cooking. He is fascinated with all things morbid and bizarre.

Read More: Twitter Facebook