Humans have kept animals as pets since the dawn of time. They make loyal and loving companions. But we’ve come far from the days when man and beast would sleep on the ground beneath the stars together. Our pets have recently become exceedingly pampered and fawned over. The products sold in specialty pet stores are evidence to this trend. Here are ten of the most ridiculous, useless and just plain stupid pet products.
10. Clothing
There’s no better way to irritate your furry friend than to press them to the floor and forcibly clothe them. You’ll get the satisfaction of seeing your costumed pet stare perplexedly at you for a few seconds, and then commence removing/ripping/soiling his or her new outfit.
9. Pet Stroller
“Hey do you wanna go for a walk around the neighborhood?”
“Yeah sure! But what about Mr. Whiskers?”
“He can come along! I’ve got a Pet Stroller!”
Does this situation seem familiar to you? Of course it doesn’t. Any reasonable pet owner knows that carrying your cat out into the noisy and unpredictable world with you in a small, confined space is a very, very bad idea.
8. Pawlish
This punny product is meant to give your pooch a fashionable manicure or pedicure. Just like people! (Hint: Dogs are not people.)
7. Babble Ball
The Babble Ball is a toy that either talks or emits various sounds when touched. This toy could provide for two very unfortunate scenarios:
Your dog is so intrigued by the Babble Ball that he plays with it all through the night. The sound of voices and strange animal sounds echo throughout the house. You, the owner, are kept awake for weeks on end and, consequentially, are driven insane.
Your pup listens to the sounds of voices emitting from an inanimate object and his perception of reality is distorted. He eventually snaps and goes Cujo on your ass.
6. Chuckit! Ball Launcher
Tired of the incredible arm strain it takes to throw a small ball a relatively short distance? Then thank the sweet lord for the Chuckit! Ball Launcher. (Note: Anyone I see using a Chuckit! will be laughed at/pushed into a ditch.)
5. Dog Poop Freeze
Although it is slightly embarrassing and nauseating to crouch down and pick up the steaming pile that Poochie just deposited, it is a necessary aspect of dog ownership; otherwise, there wouldn’t be a square foot of clean earth in Central Park. Dog Poop Freeze claims that with a simple spray doggy cleanup will be 100% easier. Here’s a hint: fire-extinguishing your pup’s poop isn’t going to make it a less embarrassing or disgusting task.
Bonus: My favorite product review from Amazon.com – “I reminisce about old days when a uncle and his born-again Christian nephew had to make poop sculptures out of WARM poop. Not anymore, Scooter. Now I can finally make that lifesize poop sculpture of Debbie Gibson in my basement.”
4. Kong Stuff’n Paste
A Kong is a rubbery, snowman-shaped toy that dogs apparently go nuts over. The primary reason for its popularity is the fact that the Kong can be filled with food, treats and practically anything else. Kong Paste is basically a can of doggie spray cheese in a variety of flavors that can be sprayed into the Kong. Alright, fine. But what happens when the Kong doesn’t get cleaned out completely? The chunks of meaty paste begin to fester in the corners of the rubbery snowman, creating bacteria and ultimately producing a small civilization; like that episode of The Simpsons (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Treehouse_of_Horror_VII).
3. Vibrating Massage Mitt
It’s the purrfect gift for any pet! Haha get it? But not really. This product is marketed as a massaging mitt that relaxes pets and strengthens the bond between pet and owner. I would imagine a different scenario unfolding: You walk over to Fluffy and turn on the massaging device that makes sounds similar to that of a vacuum cleaner. Fluffy reacts to the terrifying vacuum sound, engraving deep scratch marks on your arms. Fluffy has lost all trust in you as a dependable owner. You bastard.
2. Secure Outdoor Cat Run
Your cat will thoroughly enjoy being confined in a weird green tube…thing for hours on end, being taunted by small animals protected by the layer of fabric that separates your cat from the fun, vibrant world.
1. Doggles
Just look at the picture! I am not even going to bother to comment on the sheer stupidity of this product.
Contributor: kfinch90
I have a dog and a cat. And I admit we have gotten one or two of these products.
Clothing–we have so many doggy outfits…but she actually likes them (of course, she also jumped INTO the couch rather than ONTO it once…not the brightest thing on four legs…) My cat, however doesn’t even like COLLARS, let alone clothes. I have fond childhood memories of when we first got our cat, and my mom would put tank tops on her after she got spayed, as an attempt to deter her from chewing at her stitches. Did that work? Try asking the half-frayed tank top on the floor…
And the Babble Ball thing. My grandma ordered that online for the dog last Christmas…turns out, she was terrified of the thing (she was also afraid of her toy basket for a while…again, she’s not too smart). So it would just sit around the house, motionless. No sound, then, right? NOPE!!! Even the slightest of movements would set it off! Eventually it got so annoying I just said “Screw it” and took the batteries out.
Oh and I just remembered these two things I saw in a pet catalog once (sorry if someone already mentioned these in a comment)
This wierd duffel-bag looking thing that you can put your cat in. There’s a hole where the head sticks out, and the purpose of said product is to “easily clip Fluffy’s claws” or to apply the other product I will mention. First of all, most cats, you wouldn’t even be able to get INTO the stupid thing, and second, I can just picture my cat squirming around with her paws sticking out of the little holes. Well, I guess if you want to teach your cat to do the worm, then that cat bag thing is for you after all.
Secondly I would like to mention…I can’t even remember what they’re called. But they remind me of pet nail polish. They’re these wierd plastic/rubber/I don’t even know what substance things to put on a cat’s (or dog’s) claws to lessen damage to furnature and what not…news flash, THEY HAVE TEETH TOO! THEY CAN CHEW THEM OFF!! Not only that, but the things came in the most random colors! Yes, I’m sure Molly (my cat) would just LOVE to have hot pink claws!
Actually, the #1 product has some merit to it.
(But the use is rare)
Say, you are in a sandstorm or there is heavy mist in
the area.
That’s the only use I can think of them for
my dog has sweaters, I think its adorable, but he hates me for it haha. I think the doggles are cute as well ^_^ but I’m a dog lover.
I disagree with the pet stroller. My mom has an indoor cat. They live in the country with lots of fun things to smell and see outdoors and plenty ‘o’ danger. So she got a pet stroller. Kitty now loads herself up when its stroll time. We call it her Mars Rover. They rover through the yard, for the mail, to feed the barn cats, visit my dad in his shop, and kitty is loathe to leave her stroller when the walk is done. The leash failed as she was fearful of all the other critters about.
Depends on the pet.
Pita, Great comments. We hear the same sorts of stories from our customers at JustPetStrollers.com. There are so many great uses for pet strollers. It’s not a product for every pet lover, but it can be SO helpful for certain dogs and cats and certain pet owner!
Obviously, the author of this article never owned a dog. Otherwise, the author would have known how awesome the Chuckit is. I would actually rate it BEST pet product ever invented. The author is so far off on this one.
Seriously? How could you forget kitty wigs….
http://www.kittywigs.com
coulda been #1
ThatGuy: I thought they called those Merkins.
Crimanon: lol i guess ill thank family guy for getting that joke
My next halloween costume. I’m still not sure whether I will be [a] or wear a merkin. Not even sure on the color either.
Chuckit is actually a great product. I used to think it was stupid, but it helps my wife throw the ball much further for our dog so our dog enjoys it more. Also, your arm can get sore throwing a ball endlessly for a lab, just like throwing a baseball too much. Something like this really helps. You can also pick it up without getting the slober all over your hands, which I don’t really mind, but if I don’t have to, why not.
my older sister dresses her chihuahua and paints the dog’s nails!insanity!plus, a Chuckit is awesome!
One of my dogs used to have a kong, but I think we just put treats in it.
Sad I know but I must defend both stroller and some dog clothing.
I have a small dog that was the runt of the litter and has a real problem with changes of temp. She has to wear some kind of clothing most of the time to help keep her regulated but this is usually sensible dog coats or dog t shirts/ hoodies and not novelty costumes. She actually brings me her hoodie or coat to put on her when she gets cold.
Similarly we use the pet stroller for her as she is terrified of traffic to the point the vet recommended we try a pet stroller as it is not always easy to carry a pet carrier along with other items. Also as we are not lucky enough to live on a country estate and are environmentally conscious enough not to drive places we can get to on foot we walk along roads to the woodland/field/park/pet store and vets. Without the stroller our dog would have a very limited world.
So while these may be dumb products they are not without their uses and I for one am glad they are around.
Rant over laugh away
hardest I’ve laughed in a while.
#6 (chuckit) – where can I get one? I as 76 year old female with two very large dogs. How embassing to heave a ball with all my strength, only to see it “sail” about 10 feet. This looks like a winner to me. Meanwhile I suggest that no one attempt to push me into a ditch, because they would be minus at least a arm and a leg after my “sweet babies” got through with them.
When i first saw the chuckit on the list i was not able to control myself cause of the laughing, then i read your comment and i collapsed literally. But when i read here that people actually support that product, well that was too much for me. I still can’t believe how someone finds that thing practical and useful, and actually gives money to acquire it. While the other products are embarassing for the animals themselves (dogs or cats or whatever) that one is embarassing and insults the intelligence of a human. Ok people you don’t want your dogs saliva (which by the way is dozens times cleaner than yours and that is scientifically proved) all over your hand and i know it is gross and feels nasty cause i ve been with dogs for the most part of my life but couldn’t a simple glove or mist do the same job?
According to that reason and logic you go to take a ***** and “oh no, not again, i ve got urine in my fingers.. damn i wish they could make some plasting hands for the job)
Hey, regarding the ball launcher; some dogs need more exercise. I am a sports-challenged girl and when I get a rescue greyhound, I for sure will use a ball launcher to get him to run sufficiently around the park.
The Doggie ball launcher is for those who don’t want to pick up the slobber covered tennis ball….
YICKH!
i have seen the ball launcher as a way to get a lot of extra distance… a sling works just as well.
you forgot the thing that attaches to dogs and gathers poop in a drawstring bag.
no, seriously. its called the pootrap
Joe Walsh had a song called “ordinary average guy” with this line–Every saturday we work in the yard picking up dog doo hoping it’s hard.(poo freeze anyone).
I happen to cart my dog around in the sidecar of my motorcycle, so the doggles are a godsend but Norm (my golden retriever) wears them ironically.
Nice list! xD
PET STROLLERS!!!!! Are you kidding me? What is the use of that? Okay, sick and injured animals, I can understand, but just normal animals? Please. Don’t tell me about dogs afraid of roads and stuff. My dog was like that too. It’s NORMAL. Big metal things about twenty times your size speeding past you and making a loud noise? Wouldn’t you be scared? Anyway, you can train them up, like my dog, to not be afraid. It’s stupid.
Even worse is that cat run. My cats are allowed to (*gasp*) run freely around our farm, even with all the holes and banks and rivers. Most cats are smart enough to NOT fall in/down stuff. Anyway, my cats have shiny coats, and muscle. We don’t have to feed them as much because they kill (wild) mice, rats, rabbits and hares, all of which are pests.
In conclusion, Pet strollers should only be used for disabled pets, and Cat Runs are stupid.
Man, the Chuckit is great! Not because I’m lazy, but my dog is big and prefers to run long distances than the length I can through a ball. Plus, yeah. eww.
This is why I’m glad I’m human.
Although the clothing can be extreme.. I have to admit I know a few dogs that enjoy a rain poncho on occassion so they can go for longer walks in the rain.. but thats an exception. as for neuticles..
Neuticles are available in three models: NeuticleOriginals (rigid firmness) NeuticleNatural (natural firmness) and Neuticles UltraPLUS. Each are crafted from FDA medically-approved (for human use) materials- replicating the animals testicle in size, shape, weight and feel.
AND FEEL? and what is ultra plus? uhhh. i’m just wondering what dogs really think and i doubt it makes them happier than a car ride to say “hey i have big balls but no urge”
I don’t think pet strollers are ridiculous thing…..it is very useful for pets who are quite old enough to walk, when they want to enjoy a ride ,when they are disabled…there are many reasons why pet strollers are helpful for certain dogs, cats and pet owners. Pets are a lot like the human kids in nature. They always crave for love and constant attention by their pet owners.
http://strollersstore.com/Pet-Gear/
This is the greatest list ever. I look forward to more lists like this, kfinch90. You are the best.
Goggles aren’t that dumb. They were made to put on your dog if you want to take the dog on your motorcycle, side car, or convertable to keep the wind out of your doggies eyes.
Funny list
the outdoor cat run is extremely dumb. the stroller is useless. And the clothing makes me wanna cry.
How about a dog water purifying machine?
Its a marvelous idea of outing with pets in a trendy and fashionable wear and we can carry pets in a awesome stroller which makes breeds convinient and easy to take them along us.
if a dog cant clean out a kong its retarded, my sisters dog has one and its *****in perfectly clean all the time,they have these weird things called toungs that can get into the crevices.. even tho there really arent any on a kong, the inside is smooth, bfor you make a list of stupid things you should make sure you yourself are not stupid
I have the feeling that chuckit thing works kinda like a doggy tennis ball atlatl. Basically you can use it to help you chuck it much much further than normal. Would be good for some of the rambunctious sporting breeds that love fetch.
I have owned the Chuckit! before (I think it was called something else, though), and I could never get the thing to throw right. We ended up just using the handle part as a stick that our dogs fetched after.
Hi Good post! I am a pet lover having two puppies. I love shopping for pets and I like to purchase cloths for them. Puppies clothing and strollers are really cool in the post. I would definitely like to purchase strollers for my pets. Thanks for sharing post.
haha, if you think the chuck-it is stupid then you have never owned a llewellin setter. They can keep fetching long past your arm gives out.
10. Clothing- Can be necessary. Good for smaller dogs in the winter who can not keep their temperature up. I also use dog boots on my Aussie as we go hiking a lot and if they are not used rocks have been known to cut open pads on some of the tougher trails.
9. Pet Strollers- If your dog can walk, put a leash on him or her. Dogs that can not walk are sometimes put into these so as to get fresh air, though I personally thing there are better methods.
8. Pawlish- Yea… Nail polish for dogs is pointless.
7. Babble Ball- The voice recorded ones are wonderful for puppies and dogs that often raise a fuss when left alone. It’s a “i’m not at home” kind of toy.
6. Chuck it- I think these have been well defended.
5. Dog poop freeze- Plastic bags are your friends!
4. Kong stuff paste- Wash the kong out, it’s not that hard. Decent product actually, though peanut butter is cheaper (fill kong, freeze, dog is distracted).
3. Mitt- Hand, and brush. No mitt required.
2. Cat run- Responsible cat owners know that a cat outside unrestrained can get into a lot of trouble, and even get killed. The picture you show is a bad example, but a close topped enclosure can be a good thing. These are also good for ferrets that have trouble getting use to harnesses or that are small enough to slip out.
1. Doogles- Originally had a use for dogs with eye issues, though sadly they are being used for designer purposes now.
2/10
You missed:
Purses used to carry dogs (yes they make ones specifically designed for it now).
Neuticles
Dyes for fur
Augie- I’ve traveled all over doing dog shows. I’ve never seen a pet stroller at one.
The 'Chuckit! Ball Launcher' has been used repeatedly by dog experts, one good example is Cesar Milan.
As for the chuckit it is the best dog toy on the market period. You try tossing a wet / muddy tennis ball 60-70 yards for 2 hours It try pushing me and my very athletic Rottweiller may have big issues maybe you should just push the people with clothes on thier dogs if feel the need to feel macho
Here Times Tables games from the site: Times Tables practice Games
Hey, listen here, I had a German Shorthair Pointer and he could run all day long fetching balls and there was NO WAY that you could throw a ball as far with your arm as with a chuck-it. If you're going to ignore any of this mildly funny writer's opinions than ignore that one. go out and buy a chuck-it right now. plus you don't have to touch the sick slobbery ball. chuck-its rule
Right on! Clearly the author has never owned a dog which retrieves.
I have a one-year old, tennis ball-obsessed Golden Retriever. If I did not have a Chuck-it, my right arm would be 3" longer and I'd permanently be in physical therapy. I use tennis balls by day on-land and in the water, plus a glow-in-the-dark one for twilight retrieving sessions.
I put it in my Top 10 SMARTEST Pet Products
Kong? Amazing toy. And by the way: You can wash them out. The Kong dog biscuits are eventually worked out and eaten after much problem solving from my dog. Her very, very favorite toys.
Doggles? Perhaps watch National Geographic to see what torture people have inflicted on defenseless animals. They featured one dog whose eyelids had been burnt off. To got outside in the sun he had to wear goggles and yes, clothes. (Because the demon that previously owned him also burnt his body so badly that the dog had to stay out of the sunlight.) Dogs also need their eyes protected. Keep in mind those search and rescue dogs that jump out of planes strapped to their handlers. Googles are needed then too.
Chuckit (or any of the other brands) allows a dog owner to throw a tennis ball an enormous distance which is very exciting to many dogs. No way could I throw a ball that far freehand. Not even close.
Chuckits are a great thing for people with labs/people who don't want to hold a wet soggy icky slobbered on stinky tennis ball.
Also the poop freezer, I would use that. I've been blessed with a very senstive nose and if it helps get rid of the smell before I scoop, it works. Also some dogs have… squishier poop than others. Makes it eaiser to pick up the semi liquid stuff.
And clothing, great if you've got a small dog, live in a cold climate or have a hairless dog. My grandparent's dog has a sweater that she wears when she goes out in the snow. She also has a raincoat for rainy weather. And booties. She now refuses to go outside without her sweater if it's snowing.
ok so i see people on here talking about pet strollers i have one and i do use it i have a cat with healh problems i dont drive and putting him in a carrier and lugging him around is just impossible for me i love the pet stroller and so does he mush nicer ride for him he can enjoy the fresh air or he goes in the covered area to sleep and when we get to the vet hes happier then when i tried him in a carrier so it really depends on the owner and the pet as for me its my way to get him to the vet safely and safety is the best for any animal there are some things to laugh about but put strollers are not one of them sometimes its the only solution
pet clothes well i have some for my cat as he has health problems and gets cold very easily he wears a shirt every day and a sweater in the witer there are some reasons for animals to have to wear clothes but if nothing is wrong with your pet and your pet doesnt need them then why put them through that if my cat didnt need them i would not make him wear them but because he does thankfully he likes them i do believe it depends on the pet and the owner as for my cat he is very greatful
What, no Pet-brella? Seriously, there's a little harness that goes on your dog with a little slot into which you fit the handle of the umbrella and it keeps the dog's head dry. Incredible fun to put one of these on a dog and then watch it tryto get through the Doggy-Door.
They tried to make them for cats, too, but those don't work as cats aren't morons.
LOL
Re: #2 (Secure Outdoor Cat Run):
The image you used is case-in-point: The ragdoll breed (depicted) is specifically bred in such a way as to be non-violent. If it is confronted by another animal, it will almost certainly lose the battle. Read more: https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/Ra…
i thought 6 had little to do with aiding the throwing action but so you wouldn't continually have to keep grabbing a slobbery ball, which makes perfect sense
The ball chuckers are really good, dogs often slobber quite badly on toys and unless you have somewhere to wash your hands ~ you'll have to deal with the slime until you get home. Not to mention throwing a ball further for less effort for highly energetic dogs makes a big difference for long sessions.
Nothing wrong with the Chuck-it. I have a seriously overacting Jack Russell Terrier who stops at nothing. We have a large nature reserve down the street and the chuckit was PERFECT. It’s not about being “lazy”, our JRT had more fun when we used it because we could throw it farther distances and he could sprint as fast as he could to get the ball. In my opinion, the chuckit was a good idea.
I use a chuck it, its great…you can launch it 50 yards ande my dogs which are high energy appreciate the chase. If you dont know how to use it your obviously a limp wristed idiot…if u tried to push me in a ditch I would rip your face off and then have my dog ***** on where your face used to be
I can obviosly tell you do not have a dog because if you’ve ever had to pick up a tennis ball covered in enough dog drool that it probably weighs more than the dog, you would thank god that the Chuckit exists.
#4 – it’s called a dishwasher
Doggles were created to protect search and rescue dogs eyes from dust and debris, as well as dogs who search for mines in a war zone.
The Chuckit is actually kinda useful for people like my mom who can’t throw a ball very far, and for people who CAN throw a ball far, it’s great for getting rid of annoying dogs.
I love how the description of the cat run mentioned small animals taunting the cat. That would be a nice change Cats kill so much wildlife they shouldn’t be allowed to roam free. Genius product.