[WARNING: This list contains images and language that may offend] I received a pleasant email from a friend this morning containing a variety of new book titles for kids. Looking through them I realized (and I am sure you will too) that none of these titles are likely to end up in the local school any time soon. I present you with 20 kids books your local school doesn’t stock.
Books 1 – 5
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Books 6 – 10
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Books 11 – 15
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
Books 16 – 20
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
if these were real they would be funny.
but since they’re made up they’re just kind of lame.
lighten up people. friggin hilarious.
took me a couple of titles to realize this was fake. #3 had me crying. holy crap, the look on the horses face. LOL!!
#16 – little miss cameltoe was like a good joke at a funeral. probably not all that funny but knowing that you shouldn’t laugh made it over the top. i’m reading these trying not to laugh loud enough to wake up my wife. this one was hard to stiffle.
The best “kids” books is a real one by Shel Silverstein, it is his adult alphabet book. Some of his funniest poems are in it. If you like the humor style of this list (which is the funniest list on the site so far!) you will crap yourself reading this book.
My 5 year old loves the Little Miss and Mr men books, so the list hit close to home.
Sorry QDV I just read your post.
Great list to start the weekend off in a relaxed way – thank you. Still laughing.
hahah number 13 is just cruel
but great list though
thanks
LOL. I needed this.
“Hey, Billy! I’m Not a Cow!”
SlickWilly: i made the same point on another list about Andrea Carlena Beauman, although not in this sort of awesomeness. Seriously, Andrea Carlena Beauman needs to reply to this. Hope Andrea Carlena Beauman stops signing off Andrea Carlena Beauman’s posts with Andrea Carlena Beauman’s name (which is Andrea Carlena Beauman).
“Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear”
Rolf!
“Fun Things To Do With Roadkill.”
“What Mommy and Daddy Are Doing When Their Bed is Going Squeak, Squeak, Squeak.”
“Why Uncle Fred is not Really Your Uncle.”
Funny list.SlickWilly’s post was icing on the cake.LMAO!!!
Wheres spot is my fave,
so funny=)
Don’t tell me to lighten up, because I have a very good sense of humor and can normally appreciate irreverent silliness, but this list just goes too far.
Do you realize how many people are killed by suicide bombers? It’s beyond horrific…think about it. Where I come from, suicide bombings claim so many innocent lives. In the United States, there have been too many school shootings, mall shootings, etc. It’s all very similar–senseless and tragic–how is that funny?
I often visit this site several times a day. I can usually appreciate the serious lists, as well as the light-hearted ones–but please, Jamie, show me some basic respect for human life.
Did anyone else notice Little Miss Crystal Meth and Little Miss Cameltoe are the same poor little girl.
I totally didn’t read like any of these comments (noticing a theme here?) but LMAO at Spot the Dog!
Funny list but i must say i found the anne frank one to be in bad taste to day the least.
http://www.cracked.com/article_15923_40-most-inappropriate-childrens-book-covers.html
There’s another list. I’ve been list cheating sorry
“Where I come from, suicide bombings claim so many innocent lives”
Aisha – that doesn’t give you a moral superiority over other listverse participants. You need to get yourself an understanding of the term “satire”.
“i found the anne frank one to be in bad taste to day the least.”
Davern – erm…I think you’ll find that “bad taste” was one of the main characteristics of the list
Overall…I am sure most people would find one (maybe more) of the examples to be a little excessive; that’s because we bring our own values to the party. That’s life…
I think they were all in poor taste. I think that is why I laughed my ass off.
This list puts me in mind of a furor about ten years ago, about an actual book entitled “Heather Has Two Mommies.” Yes, indeed. The characters are all cute fuzzy little critters — bunnies or possums or something, I forget — and little Heather lives with her mom and her mom’s Lesbian partner. And it was all about celebrating diversity, and not thinking that families that weren’t just like your own were, y’know, creepy. So of course the limp-spined school board here in Buffalo, and several other places around the country, folded under religious fascist pressure and banned “Heather Has Two Mommies.”
I think we should send a list like this to the Westboro Baptist Church and get them to think it’s absolutely real, so we can watch them spit bloody froth and die. But I guess I’m not being accepting of people who aren’t just like me. Oh, well …
Martin L – I fully agree. Whilst I have a philosophy of each to their own, I abhor political correctness.
Actually, the term “celebrating diversity” that you used is one of the favourite pithy sayings that ultra-liberal trendies tend to use when trying to justify some hare-brained waste of public money…it drives me nuts!
I hate pc. For example, at my son’s school they are not allowed to refer to the “library”…it is a “Learning and Resource Center”; and what used to be called a library in one of the East London boroughs is now called an “Ideas Shop” – aaaaaghghghghgh!!!
I’ll stop now because I am getting agitated just thinking about such nonsensical pc crap…
erm…I meant that I fully agree with the school board, of course.
Political correctness is just a way of papering over awkward truths with political platitudes and bull*****. Kiwiboi, ya got me all worked up now….
LOL Mum
Mom424- Regarding your response to my previous comment…
Perhaps I dont have “the light” to appreciate this brand of humour. I personally get my kicks from things that are clever, original etc…things that a person of at least moderate mental capacity would generally consider “humorous” The titles on this list were not clever or original; they were crudely risque or slightly offensive…something I dont expect from this site that I enjoy so much.
I apologize for coming across as dick-ish…not my intentions. I get defensive when I’m the victim of condescendsion
i take some of that back, a few were funny. i was annoyed by the over use of the “Little Miss” titles
what happened to listverse?
helios: the look has changed but the people are the same
LOL!! 13 was just cruel!
From FARK PS Theme Contest: Create a page from your very own children’s book
well, i thought this was a really good, funny list.
YAY!
They are undeniably funny.
But the list — as a whole — doesn’t really belong here, does it? People see a list like: “Top 20 Kids Books Your Local School Doesn’t Stock”, they kind of have a right to expect that the list contains actual books.
This was great!… really unexpected!
most were funny but I found 13 offensive and insensitive
Yeah, number 13 was a little much, but the rest were awesome!
I think I crapped my pants!
More books, that was pretty funny!
curious george and pinnochio were funny but the others….not so much.
Some of these are hilareous!!! I think, however that although the titles are funny, the actual books are not in existance as there is nowhere that appears to stock them! It is likely that many of them were made in photoshop. However I cannot deny that they are funny!!!
“It is likely that many of them were made in photoshop”
Doh…you think…?
One of my all time faves – and it’s real – Shel Silverstein’s Uncle Shelby’s ABZ Book
and i can’t resist adding: “The Diary of Aunt Frank”
oh god
thats funny xD
14 struck me funny.
“Wheres Spot” and “a lift the flaps book” were my favorites, though I liked them all… except the Ann Frank one, that was a little harsh. :[
*sniggers at list*
but
antlyon, Garfield Gets Leukemia? 
aww ..n ur one “Bi-Curious George” is no.9 on this list
those were so funny! Especially the pony glue one.
“A lift-the-flaps book”
O______________________________________________________O
Funny funny funny
Andrea Carena Beauman You must come up with a different LV name. Really. You must.
Is Andrea Carlena Beauman still a List Universe contributor? I haven’t seen Andrea Carlena Beauman’s name on List Universe recently. I was thinking about Andrea Carlena Beauman’s absence from the List Universe recently, recently.
Bicuroius gerotge is a fake..right?
haha BiCurious george is my favorite…
Some of those were just downright nasty. Awesome!
some of this is just not right…
“Clifford the Big Red Infidel”
“Where’s Osama?”
they don’t work for me O___o
one kids book thaT ACTUALLLY MADE IT TO SCHOOLS it der giftpilz the poisonous mushroom in english wich was a kids book meant to teach kids how to tell a jew from germans. quite educational.
This may be the best listverse list yet!
I have genuinely never heard my wife laugh as hard as i did when she read this list. I thought she was going to wet herself when she got to number 18!!