Do you have a child with a birthday coming up? Then let me strongly recommend that you not buy them one of the dolls on this list. From superstars of music to politicians, this is a list of the worst dolls ever – and I really do mean ever. Ranked in order of least vile to most (as best as I could), here they are:
Why any person would want to own a Michael Jackson doll is beyond me. Surely even his most die-hard fans would draw the line here. It is also extremely out of date – both the skin color and nose are nothing at all like the “real” Michael.
More disturbing than the fact that this doll was even made in the first place is the “try me” button on his stomach. Thanks Elton, but no thanks!
This one is wrong on so many levels. Putting aside his hard times with the law, this doll is a hideous caricature of a hideous looking man! Buy this doll for your children if you want them to have nightmares.
Fanclub info inside? I am pretty sure you could fit the entire fanclub inside.
I really don’t even know what to say about this doll. I am speechless.
This doll comes with a bobblehead to give you an authentic recreation of Cruise’s couch moment on Oprah.
The problem with this doll is that they forgot to include the pins to stick in to it.
“A friend of Barbie” – yeah.. a very “special” friend. This doll also talks. That’s right – not only do you get to look at Rosie O’Donnell, you get to hear her voice! Worst marketing idea in history? I think so.
This doll is made by the same people that made the Saddam Hussein doll before his death. I am not sure what kind of people might want one of these but I am pretty damned sure you won’t find many in the USA.
For the Neo-Nazi in your life!
Randal:
………*I* didn’t get any eggs.
And it was less muted rejection and more a mixture of pain, fear, confusion and perverse satisfaction. And a slight limp.
SlickWilly:
Good god, the pathos….
and I don’t wanna hear the details….
They should remake the Michael Jackson with a new feature: When sprayed with cold water, his skin becomes white and his nose shrinks, when sprayed with warm water, he looks like a human being once more!!!
Did anyone mention the child killer, Freddy Kreuger doll? It had a short life on the toy store shelves before being yanked.
Does that warning lable on the Elton John doll say it’s a “choking hazzard”?
So where do you go to get the Hitler doll?
coulter and hitler should be closer to each other
Hey! My story about the end of the world has Neo-nazis in it!
The Bratz dolls should be on this list! I hate going through Target and seeing clothes for little girls that look like something a prostitute would wear. Barbies are fine, but the Bratz are crossing a line. Also, I have a Hilary nutcracker. Would that count as a doll?
amanda: the nutracker definitely counts! And I agree about the bratz! Dirty little sluts!
I have the Hitler. Also a Red Barron and a Castro. Everyone knows you gotta have bad guys for the good guys to fight. As for Eisenhower and FDR, Hasbro did a General Eisenhower figure in their G. I. Joe Line (As well as Bradley and Patton) and at one time some company showed a prototype of an FDR with his wheelchair, I don’t know if it was ever produced. I’m pretty sure at least one of the Talking Presidents lines contained FDR I have TR from one and Clinton, Bush (pilot suit), Reagan, and Dick Cheney from the other.
Anne Coulter and Adolf Hitler could easily be 1a and 1b…
Here are some gems from Coulter:
“We just want the Jews to be perfected.”
“Yes, those scheming Jews have had their eyes on the ocean state for as long as I can remember.”
Talk about intolerance, no part of this woman’s mind operates in reality.
xD thats sped man.. totally sped xD
you should include a link to something on amazon or some other place so we can buy them xD
I actually had the peewee herman doll when I was a little kid. It looked exactly like that and it was awesome.
mariposa: what exactly did you do with it?
I simply can’t imagine how you could play with such a thing!
it had a string on its back and when you pulled it, it would say silly peewee herman-ish things. apparently i’ve had a sick sense of humor my whole life because i thought it was hilarious at 2 years old.
And somewhere my dad has a WHOLE fraking case of New Kids on the Block figures he bought on clearance at Wal-Mart thinking they were the next Beatles. Bad call, Dad.
I have the Freddy Kreuger doll and the Edward Scissorhands doll. We actually have a lot of dolls. My mother in law bought, sold, and collected dolls. She passed a few years ago. We don’t have all of her dolls, but we have a few.
I forgot to mention in her doll shop she had Drag Queen Barbies. One of the men who collected dolls in her doll club made them. They were totally funny.
::shudder:: there’s an ann coulter doll? does it blatantly put down religions other than christianity? That’s what I’d expect from a doll like that.
Probably it does, Karpy. It is a talking doll from one of the Talking President makers and uses actual sound clips from her. They also make a Dennis Miller.
OMG I had that PeeWee Herman doll. I loved it!
I’ve seen a few versions of the Hitler doll for sale before in different uniforms. I believe they also made a Himmler.
Tell me where to find an Elton John doll! I want one. now.
I own the peewee herman doll. we got it at a yardsale when i was little. It use to scare me to death.
I’m curious. What happens if you try Elton’s button, and do I want to know what happens?
Lol wtf
Good grief…there’s an Ann Coulter doll? Does it come with a manual suggesting things to say to offend others? Why on earth would someone even propose making a doll in her likeness?
I’m sure there are some messed up dolls out there that aren’t based on real people.
seeing that the pee-wee and the vanilla ice are right next to one another, i can easily see them cut in two vertically and the halfs, of each, stiched to their partner’s seperate sides..and this would create for silly fools interested pocket books a frazzeled sortafair in such things. Send your monies , care of Diogenes, when you deside to do this deed.
Where’s the Crazy Cat Lady Doll?
Elton John doll should not be on this list (EJ fan here obviously) but EJ would not give Cruise the time of day. He has no tolerance for people with such arrogance. As far as his suits and stuff, WHY DON’T YOU BASH KISS?? They dressed up w/bizarre outfits and EVEN wore makeup, but you don’t put their dolls on here or make fun of them. Everyone had a style back then to distinguish them from others and thank goodness EJ just didn’t come on stage with ripped up jeans and a tshirt. No excitement there.
As for Cruise, he needs a reality check…he is NOT God. I don’t hate him but he thinks he is all that and he is NOT.
I found a doll of Sigmund Freud once. It should be on this list.
Two words….Justin…Timberlake.
I would buy the Ann Coulter doll just so I could twist it’s head off and spit on it. As for the Hillary doll, well when are we going to get the Obama doll saying change, or the McCain doll saying, I’m Bush’s Biatch.
The Elton John doll seems kinda out of place.
Otherwise it’s a really funny list.
My mum gave my dad the George Bush action figure for his birthday a few years ago. Quite funny that it’s on this list. Maybe I should show it to them.
By the way, my dad didn’t like the action figure. I think he hid it in his closet.
nice i think one of my aunts used an vinlla ice doll for a joke on april 1st
I love the blatant display of homophobia in this article.
The Ann Coulter doll… push the button and it says:
“We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity.” [about the Middle East]
“Not all Muslims may be terrorists, but all terrorists are Muslims.”
“If we took away women’s right to vote, we’d never have to worry about another Democrat president.”
“God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, the trees. God said, ‘Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It’s yours.’ ”
Wow!! Such insight!! …..
And she still has a career after this *****?!? My god what and idiot.
[what *an* idiot]
typo-itis strikes again
Is the Ann Coulter doll anatomically correct? I mean, does it have a penis?
I want those dolls, er- action figures… in my room collection. I actually think this list can give me good laughs.
look at the hot toys michael jackson its amazing
That Coulter doll is wayyyy too good looking to ever pass as an accurate caricature of such a hideous woman.
This is more like top 10 best dolls lol
Where is Robert Mugabe?
We all remember Pee-Wee’s hard times with the law. Ahem.
Nice and weird list.
My Social Studies teacher has a bush doll in his classroom. It even talks! I think it would be fun to have president dolls.
There is a collection of dolls called autopsy babies that are pretty twisted, and deserve an honorable mention. Although there is a very adorable Pinhead.
Do not hate on Pee-Wee!
i’m scared of all of them
I want a Barack Hussein Obama doll so I can cut the evil Kenyan’s head off.
you forgot one: janet jackson wardrobe malfunction
LOL Rosie O’ donell friend of barbie!
Number 1 and 2 are the worst and number 8 is suuuuuuuppppppeeeerrrrr crrrrreeeeeeeppppppppyyyyyyyyy. I’d rather have a chucky doll than that creepy thing.
Hannah Montana dolls should be on here too because those things are soooooo weird and creepy.
hey! what about the barak obama bobble-head? or isn’t that doll enough?
also, u forgot that baby doll that’s made to pee. i can’t remember it’s name.
has anyone else herd of a librarian action fugure?
the michal jackson doll is worth alot now that he has passed away and its not all that creapy
I’m hooked. Where’s the MJ doll?
wat no jesus action figure with holy miricle grip?
just give me a good old fashion barbie doll!