If you have friends with kids and you wish they would stop inviting you to visit, just pick up an item or two from the following list the next time a gift-giving occasion rolls around.
The first reason is obvious. There are usually thousands of them, and within 5 minutes of the package being opened they are everywhere. Second, assuming the kids actually do use the beads for their intended purpose, they proudly present you with a mismatched, half-completed poorly-made necklace/bracelet which they then expect the parent (you) to wear every day of your life.
Does this one even need an explanation? Just know that they put a screw on the battery compartment for a reason. No, it’s not so the kids can’t eat the batteries, if your kids eat batteries, they deserve what they get. It’s so the kids can’t replace the batteries, because there is no way that the parents ever will.
Slime + Furniture/Carpeting/Curtains/Anything = Angry Parent + Child with a sore rear end.
Scientists have calculated that there is only a 31 second window between the time a Barbie Doll leaves the box and the moment it is discarded by the child, hair matted and/or cut and completely naked. And speaking of that box! It is easier to get a cat in a bathtub that to get the stupid doll out of that box. The process goes like this…Cut tape, open box, slide out inner backing with doll and accessories attached, remove wire ties, cut tape, take a break, have a drink, cut strings, cut plastic, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat…(I’m going to stop here, but at this point only half of the accessories have been freed from their plastic purgatory).
Have you ever stepped on a lite-brite peg at 2 am? If not, let me know, I’ll be happy to send you a couple so you can share in the experience.
Umm-umm! Nothing says gourmet cuisine like old batter from the toy store, cooked to runny/gooey/burned perfection by a 60 watt light bulb! See the beautiful treats this young girl has prepared? That’s not even close what your kid is going to make. If you give this a gift, be prepared to receive the results as a thank-you present.
How could bubbles possibly make this list? After all, they’re just soap and water? They’re harmless, right? WRONG! Parents hate bubbles like rednecks hate the government. They make anything they touch in the house sticky and leave water-soap rings on furniture, so you have to insist that the kids only use them outside, which results in: “Can we go outside to blow bubbles?”, “Can we go outside to blow bubbles?”, “Can we go outside to blow bubbles?”, “Can we go outside to blow bubbles?”, etc, etc, etc.
See: Bubbles
Gotta Catch ‘em All! At $5-20 a pop, catching ‘em all is a great financial plan if you are into poverty. These things are like kiddie heroin, one taste is all it takes. Plus, half of them don’t really look like anything, or at least not anything you would want to play with. Look at the example above (Sudo Woodo), it had to be inspired by a diet high in corn and peas. And the show!!! Try and watch it, I dare you.
You might as well wrap your children in colored toilet paper as these heavy-duty toughskin-quality threads. They are made from the flimsiest materials available, stitched together with the thinnest thread and typically unravel as you take them out of the packaging. See how happy the children are in the picture above? They’re getting paid to smile. It’s a triple whammy: Wasted money, ruined costumes and crying children.
Contributor: BishopWhiteT
The toys that I didn’t have on this list (the girls’ stuff) made their way through my household via my 2 daughters. My youngest one is a Pokemon Master (I bought ‘em all). She also has my Lite Brite from when I was her age (and all of my LEGOs).
On a side note, when I was a teenager I dug out the lite brite and used it for all sorts of horrible things (rainbow-colored curse words, obscene pictures, etc.)
I had the slime with worms. I can still smell it if I think about it. *ugh*
As far as LEGO brand building blocks (their offical name – I used to have a box where they actually requested that you not refer to them as “LEGO’s”) go, I still build stuff with my daughter all of the time. We like to build cities and subject them to monster attacks or just random acts of destruction.
I miss the toy gun aisle at Toys R Us. I still have a bunch of my old toy gus that look totally real. I used to pull out the little orage cap. People didn’t really assume that a gun was real if a child was holding it back then.
Like 10 years ago on Halloween we had those sticky eyeballs which we proceeded to stick to the ceiling. There are still eyeball marks on the ceiling which will not come off. Lol. Hillarious List!
I’m suprised that trading card games weren’t mentioned on this list. The fortunes that parents spend so their kids can have the best, most powerful cards is unbelieveable. I play Yu-Gi-Oh and I have seen how much people charge for cards.
ex. – Gate Guardian, $50 at the card store!! There is no way I will pay that much for a piece of cardboard with a shiny picture on it.
This is a great list–and it reminds me that I am NOT ready to deal with even remotely some of the things that come with being one. I remember having those toys, and having them be a pain in the butt for my mom! I would add crayons…those were ALL over the walls often!
Great list, i laughed at the pokemon/heroin thing. we used to have an easybake, i think we only made a couple of brownies and thats it.
Oh gosh, I could SO relate to some of these, but I disagree with the Barbie one. Although I’m not a big fan of Barbie,I have to admit that every little girl I know, once the doll and accessories were wrestled out of the package, played with them for a long time. Sometimes years. Yep, the hair matted, sometimes got a trim, and lots of heads, arms and legs fell off in an attempt to change the rediculously tight fitting clothes, but play with them they did, even in their dismembered state. All in all, I really enjoyed this list.
LOL on the Barbie’s. How about all the little dolls girls get, Polly Pockets, et al. You guys ever tried to dress one of those type dolls? I think trying to get on the tiny rubber clothes is worse than getting Barbie out of the box….well almost……
Why is everyone so uptight about these toys? The kids enjoy them so I don’t mind them. Well I do mind the crazy packaging most toys are secured with. What they hell are toy makers thinking when they package those? Kids are standing over us in excitement while we remove the 800 ties that hold them in. Annoying! I can’t complain about bubbles. They lighten a kids mood in an instant. I have no complaints about those.
No wonder my parents have gray hair!! hahaha.
What about moon sand, and floam?
This list was so true! I totally agree, and I too had most of these growing up. But I do have to say that you can make something good with the easy bake oven. When I was a kid I got to make the ears on the mickey mouse cake my mom made! It was great and I got a lot of compliments, of course I was only like 5 and I don’t think anyone would have said a bad thing! But seriously, it did come out cooked ok. And I also have to say “amen” on that barbie thing! I hate opening those packages, it’s also with any kind of doll, I hate it!
Oh my Goodness! This list is exactly what I would have written with 6 kids I totally agree with the every single item!
Does anybody remember Lawn Darts? Those things were so dangerous. Who came up with the idea of giving kids pointed missiles to launch around the yard at each other? They should have packaged the darts along with a voucher for the emergency room.
OK, 1993, my sisters and I were in Mexico getting Cancer treatment for our Mom (no flames, she was terminal and wanted to at least try it). We’re in the seedy little motel, and our very sick and weak Mom gets a goofy look on her face, pulls her hand out of her purse and blasts the 3 of us with Silly String.
It was a lighthearted, joyful moment we all desperately needed. One I hadn’t thought of in years, thanks Listverse for reminding me.
BTW, around here we love quite a few of the toys on your list.
And the thing you DONT want to step on at 2:00am is a Lego!!!
#6, Electronic Noisemakers, needs to be #1.
I’m listening to my son’s TMX Elmo right now. For you lucky, ignorant few, TMX stand for “Tickle Me eXtreme.” Touch the Elmo doll’s foot or belly and he goes into a manic tirade of laughter, shaking, rolling around and generally psychotic behavior.
Oy…
Has anyone noticed the difference in the hair of Barbie’s over the last 20 years or so? The ones I got as a kid in the late 70s/ early 80s is still silky and unmatted. The ones I got my nieces in the 90s/ 2000s just became a matted clump in a matter of months.
Scully: They’re probably going for cheaper production, new synthetics most likely. They already have the market cornered on Barbie Heads.
Oh my goodness! I have children and let me say some toys I would love to just pitch in the garbage. What makes toy makers think these are good for children? What’s worse? I’ll tell you, it’s not the parents who are buying them for their children, it’s the granparents or other people who think they will be fun for the kids. Come on! I think it’s a twisted way for granparents to seek some kind of revenge.
I was shocked to see bubbles on this list until I read the very bottom of the statement – the incessant “Can we go out to blow bubbles?” That is certainly a fact!
I don’t have any kids for myself, but I can definitely see the horror and pain in the eyes of parents who’s kids play with those toys.
However, I don’t see why Pokemon is a ‘dread’. Is it the videogame or the cards, cause i really don’t see it. The fact that they don’t look like anything can’t be that annoying, can it?
Otherwise great list, made me chuckle a few times.
Hilareous but pretty accurate. I remember how long it took to get the Barbie doll out. An hour later, it was naked, feet chewed and clumps of blonde hair everywhere. The accessories where just a waste. The easybake oven was such a pain to lug out. Spend $5 for cake batter, 2 hours to bake with the lightbulb and end up with something the size of a cookie.
I would have added Play Dough and glitter and Legos. Legos suck in the middle of the night when you step on them. Even worse than the Lite Brite pieces.
Concerning number two, why not a mudkipz?
Those beads are CAN be more dreadful than you think, might want give them an extra bump after reading this
[url]http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,22716187-661,00.html[/url]
to be aboslutly hoest i hated the look of barbies when i was a kid wich was wired coz i was a real girly girl!!! and i still think they are stupid and they should be banned
PS:my little sis came up to me and said “i want to look like barbie!” that made me so angry!>:{
Dude, I loved my Easy Bake Oven. And my Snoopy Snowcone Machine. I used to sell snowcones on the street corner. My, how times have changed.
easy bake oven food is just awful
When I was ten years old, I talked my six year old sister into playing Joan of Arc with one of her Barbie dolls. (I had just seen the movie starring Ingrid Bergman on TV.)
We took Barbie behind the garage, and out of view from our parents, and put together a small pile of sticks and Kleenex. We tied Barbie to a stake (pencil and rubber binders) and stuck her in the middle of the pile. After a few dramatic words were recited, I lit the match. Barbie went up like a torch.
My sister enjoyed this, but about half way through the burning, the realization of what was actually happening to Barbie hit her. She started to scream and cry, and I had to promise to buy her another Barbie for her birthday in order to keep her from telling Mom & Dad.
this made me laugh.
it was very enjoyable.
and i must say, i am 18 years old, and still love pokemon. =)
i’m amazed the children’s equivalent to a land mine isn’t featured.
I am of course referring to Lego
Nicolelodeon – oh dear *shakes head*
This list is so funny!! Glitter should so be number 1. Have you noticed though, that it is only people without kids who give you gifts like these for your children?! I await for my time for revenge…. And if you do have kids and still give gifts like these….then you should be ashamed…or maybe you just don’t like the person, it can work like that too….lmao
POKEMON!
wat about todays modern toys like those bead things that u iron i got a scar from that one and those minnie version on chess the queen always some how finds the bottom of my foot…
slip n slides r evil . my friend and i were playing on his and i ran down to slide and ending up getting rush to the hospitl for 5 stiches and a broken wrist
( i went over a sharp rock and flipped over)
The Fisher-Price popcorn popper pull toy. Absolutely drives
me crazy.
I never will forget when I asked my then 3 year old daughter what she wanted for her birthday. She said glitter and fingernail polish!
Very nice list%) So true, especially #6.
I’m not sure if Moonsand is the same stuff, but my little sister used to have this multicoloured sand which turned into a dough when submerged in water so you could sculpt it into shapes. As soon as you took it out it would immediately be dry as new. I just rememeber it getting stuck to your hand when we used it and almost impossible to get out of the water after you were done! And the bag it came in leaked so after a while the cupboard had a layer of sand at the bottom, which youd have to scoop up next time she wanted to use it!
Pokemon is quite addictive…
Glad I got off the stuff.
I remember a few years ago when my daughter was about 4, she got from my brother at Xmas another Barbie to add to her ever increasing horde of “everything Barbie”. And my famous words when she opened her present, “oh great, AFB” – (another fuc*&^ing Barbie”.)
I also remember it once took 4 adults, 3 hours one Xmas Eve to assemble a Barbie House, fair-dinkum, you needed an Engineer Degree to work how to assemble this bloody house, not to mention the Barbie 747 that my daughter also had.
Actually, Green Slime from Mattel was really swell.
D***, did my brother and I have fun with that stuff…
We were playing with that crap up until we were both in our teens, then Lady, our super Swedish Elkhound came along for the next 13 years… we still got other great things, though…
Oh, Yeah, I forgot: we also had Silly String… another hit!
Really? I destroyed my cousin’s Barbies and she never spoke to me again for at least a decade, that I remember…
I still play with pokemon =]
And I’m 18 years old.
Write me sometime, folks… We’ll talk sausage…
ha i was so into pokemon. I still know the theme song- for some reason it wont let itself be forgot.
THiNGS THAT MAKE N0iSE!
Haha! I don’t even think I cooked anything in my Easy Bake Oven. I moved it to the back porch to be part of my ‘clubhouse’ and left it there. It got rained on and eventually thrown out when we moved. Worst toy ever. Just let your kids help you make cookies if you want to get them into baking that badly.
Like many others above me, I disagree with Pokemon going on the list. That item seems to focus on the cards, with the comment of “5-20 dollars a pop”. That’s usually the price for a set of 8 or 10 cards. If you actually have a hardcore collector, that takes a lot of money, but so does any other major hobby. As for the video games, I got the first Pokemon game for my 7th birthday. My sister and I played it for a combined total of 60 hours that year, from a game that costs no more than 50 dollars. That’s financially better than renting a movie (maybe $3-7 for 2 hours of entertainment). Also, the game helped me to read English.
These are so true. I used to love Polly Pocket growing up. Now I’m in my late teens, and I don’t know how I ever liked those things. So annoying. And barbie? I don’t like to think about it. At all.
Someone please tell me the name of that horribly chemical smelling substance they sold in the 80′s. It came with a straw and you were supposed to blow bubbles with it… It was kind of like puddy but only it smelled like something you weren’t supposed to have. Like you went into the garage and made it by pouring concoctions of any chemical you could find! How horrible to market that stuff to kids! I am sure that stuff has to be toxic! It’s killing me I have to know the name of it..
pokemon rule what the ***** take em off the list they own all im 21 and im the biggest pokemonster fan alive to this date dont believe i dont care as charmander would say i burn you with ember!!!!!!
barbie dolls are hot as hell little girls for the win.
Hey, Pokemon rocks. And fyi, they’re not just a “toy” or a cartoon show, the GAMES are the main focus of Pokemon.
And the trading cards are okay when you LEARN the REAL game.
Ditto, Hoppip. Pokemon is awesome! I have most of the games (from Hoenn on), and I can say it’s addictive, but it’s awesome!
Plus, I love the show. Going on nearly 12 seasons, it’s going stronger than most kid shows.
i love pokemon!
Do you even KNOW how frickin’ frustrated I’d get with my Easy Bake because everything I made looked like someone took a dump on it?
Personally, I think play clothes is a bit too high on the list. Easy Bake Oven and Beads definitely have that beat.
Those are interesting Barbie statistics. I knew something was fishy about Barbie dolls at a young age, but I guess I didn’t know what.
To commenter #7:
So could my cousin, when she was of the age to be owning an Easy Bake Oven…
I got to the cake first and ate the whole damn thing!
Damn, but was she mad at me!
So were my aunt and uncle…
And My Parents…
Damn, does being a diabolical little bastard have perks!
Magic Sand, nuff said!
Try Furbies (not!). Even the kids hate them. How would you like a four-inch electronic animal abomination that turns on and purrs/coos/says its name/sings at random?
I thought it was just me that the Barbie packaging took forever to tear apart!!!! :0
i love pokemon! (too – like the rest of the people above.) i was even so obsessed with them that i made my mum buy like 200+ of them until i finally caught ‘em all – a new series appears.
(altho i did the exact same thing. i didnt time it tho 
)
and then i go into gloom all day until the next day i realise i wasted all my mum’s money to buy such stupid useless toys when i couldve gotten some cool video game.
all barbie dolls have their own tragedies, but 31 seconds is yeah woah
I have been given all of these as presents at one time or another and most ended up in various states of complitation and disrepair strewn around the house, garden, shed I even ended up trailing beads as we walked around the streets of venice. Hansel and Gretal should have used them. The time my parents got really annoyed was when I cut the barbie’s hair to match my little brother’s couldn’t get it right and then cut my brother’s hair to match the barbies. Also you should add coloured marker pens I loved them, my parents hated them all over the patio, the walls, the kitchen lino and my brother they say washable I say not.