It seems like a good time to add to our survival lists with this next exciting installment, aimed at teaching you how to land a light plane in the case of emergency. I am sure we have all fantasized about being able to stand up when an air hostess dramatically cries “Is there anyone on board who can land this plane?!” and say “Yes! Yes, I can land this plane. Show me to the cockpit!”. Well – perhaps that is not true, frankly I hope I am never in a situation like that – but it certainly appears in films often enough that someone somewhere must be hoping for it.
So, for those of you with this weird desire, or those of us who travel frequently, here is a list of the ten steps to take when a pilot is down and you are in charge. NOTE: Listverse will not be responsible for any damages you may cause in a poorly executed landing.
This is the most important step – you absolutely must not panic. When you first arrive in the cockpit you can be sure of at least one of two things: either the pilot will have set the plane to fly on auto, or he will have “trimmed” it to fly “hands off”. In both cases the plane will maintain a steady speed, course, and height. In addition, the pilot will have filed a flight plane, so Air-Traffic Control (ATC) will be aware of your flight.
First of all you must remove the pilots feet from the area of the rudder pedals (these are in pretty much the same position as the pedals in a car). After this, make sure that his hands and body are not obstructing the control column or “yoke” (this is sometimes also called the joystick). Most modern planes have dual controls – this means you should be able to land from the co-pilot’s seat. If not, you will need to remove the pilot entirely from his seat so that you can take his place.
Once you are sitting, don’t touch anything – you need to evaluate the situation first. Check the attitude indicator – this is usually found in the center of the top row of instruments in front of the pilot. The attitude indicator is also called the artificial horizon or the gyro horizon. This shows the position of your plane in relation to the ground – it will show whether the wings are level, and whether the plane is climbing or ascending, or flying at a steady height. It shows a pair of straight lines (representing the wings) – behind which is a sphere or ball that is divided horizontally (the top is the sky – usually blue, and the bottom is the ground, usually brown). If the two lines representing the wings, and the white dot between them (which shows the position of the plane’s nose) line up with the fixed line representing the horizon, you are fine. If they don’t line up, it probably means that autopilot is off and you are not following a level course.
If the autopilot is off you are going to have to manually take control of the plane. Move the yoke in front of you little by little to get the wing lines on the attitude indicator level with the horizon line. Pull the yoke toward you to bring the nose of the plane up, and push it bring the nose of the plane down. Moving it from left to right will bank the plane in the same direction. Do this all very gently until the plane is flying straight and level. Do not use the rudder pedals.
In front of you in the centre you should see the radio. If you can’t find a microphone on the panel, put on the pilot’s headset. Press the button labelled PTT (Push To Talk) and say m’aidez (mayday – from the French meaning “help me”) three times. Speak slowly and clearly. Follow this by saying “Pilot unconscious”. Release the PTT button so the receiver of your call can reply to you.
Directly below the radio should be the transponder – this identifies your plane on the radar and sends out your location so ATC can track you. Set the dials to 7700 (or type the number in) – this stands for “General Emergency” – once it is set, ATC will know you have a problem.
By now someone at air traffic control should be able to communicate freely with you and give you step by step instructions on landing. Follow the instructions exactly and do not be afraid to ask any questions or for the controller to repeat himself. You will be instructed on how to bring the aircraft to a safe height for landing. He will also tell you what to do to control engine power, how to lower the landing gear, and changing course if you need. He will describe all of the other instruments you need to be aware of. You may end up landing in a field or on a road – so keep your eyes out for power lines and trees.
As you approach the landing area, stay in a straight line. Just before hitting the ground, pull back slightly on the yoke – this will lift the nose of the aircraft and ensure that you land on the main wheels beneath the wings. As you slow down, the nose will naturally come forward.
Once the main wheels are on the ground, reduce your speed by pulling the throttle right back towards you. This is a big black level between the pilot and co-pilot’s seats, or a large knob – usually black – in the lower center of the of the instrument panel. A lot of light aircraft have toe brakes on the rudder pedals – if these are installed on your plane, press them gently to bring the plane to a standstill – avoiding skidding.
If there is a key (like a car’s ignition key) on the instrument panel, turn it to kill the engine (wait until the plane is at a complete standstill!) Help the pilot in any way you can and then, once the propeller has stopped turning – exit the plane. With a little luck, great fame now awaits you!
This list was inspired by an article in The Boys Book of Survival






























Before you volunteer, make sure you didnt eat the fish! Oh, and a hot flight attendant like Halle Berry in Executive Decision would be great!
I read somewhere that there is no recorded occurrence of anyone actually landing a plane who wasn’t the pilot except for a case where a stewardess took over. Whether it’s because the need has never come up or because all attempts have failed I dunno. Hopefully the former.
Man, if this ever happened. . .it would be pretty awesome.
Has this ever happened? lol
Yeah, great fame or death in a fiery ball of aviation fuel. Definitely a case of feast or famine!
I hate flying.
Wow that was very helpful! I have never been on a plane before, so whenever I do fly I will print this list out and take it with me! You never know what could happen!
“I’m looking to the sky to save me
Looking for a sign of life
Looking for something help me burn out bright”
I would probably just end up flying like a 5 year old would drive a car. Turning the wheel back and forth while making airplane sounds and pretending to shoot down Nazis.
There have been instances where a non-pilot has landed a plane, but they’ve been small ones, not airliners.
As a former flight instructor who has taught several non-pilots how to land if their Significant Other collapses at the controls of the family Cessna, it isn’t easy (but it IS possible).
If I had to sum up my advice, it’s don’t panic, don’t make any sudden moves, and see if you can call for help on the radio.
Then kiss your ass goodbye!
Well, it seems we’re now ready to hear these fateful words when we’re aboard an airplane…
“Excuse me sir, there’s been a little problem in the cockpit…”
“The cockpit? What is it?”
“It’s the little room in the front of the plane where the pilots sit, but that’s not important right now.”
Surely, you can't be serious….
Of course i am. And don't call me Shirley !
Great movie, kreachure. i needed a good laugh! because most people have trouble driving a car that operates in a 2 dimensional environment and this instruction on how to fly a plane is hillarious. Perhaps, most people will go easy on the 'clutch' pedal. LOL
this list makes me want to fly a plane.
im flying in a week! thanks :S
is the number 7000 or 7700 for #6?
jadester: 7700
billyrules!: Funnily enough it makes me want to fly too!
wouldn’t it’ll be better to take the parachutes and jump off? If even the pilot can’t handle the situation , its useless to have any hope from an amateur
I happen to find this list somewhat useless. A wasted read. ZZZZZZZZZZZ
I could land the plane, if it wasn’t for Macho Grande and my drinking problem.
FINFAN, have you ever seen a grown man naked?
I also speak jive.
And I picked the wrong week to quite sniffen glue.
bucslim – love the airplane reference
CRAP…all the good plane-related movie lines are taken. Um…”always bet on black”…anyone? *sigh*
bucslim – hahaha!!
mom – i hate flying too, don’t you worry…
And i also heard somewhere that there’s never been a successful water landing, ie one where anyone has survived. If you think about it, a gigantic cylinder of aluminium hitting the water at high velocity isn’t going to float gently, it’s going to squish… So all those life jackets and stuff, aren’t they just to make everyone feel better? Sorry for anyone who’s planning on flying soon.
I just want to tell you Good Luck, we’re all counting on you.
# 16, should be quit, not quite. Over, huh?
I seen a thing on the show mythbusters and with no or little knowledge they were able to be talked through a landing(all through flight simulation). It seemed very possible for this to be done. Great List! You make it sound so easy, however I would have trouble getting through step one let alone the rest.
carpe_noctem: unfortunately that is probably me – 24 hours in a tin pot flying through the sky.
lol – Related list is “25 ways to kill with your bare hands”
jamie: are you going to add ‘make an emergency landing’ to that list?
ps. never liked flying
Great list Jfrater, nice one to see on my birthday
!
Tip #11: Practise landing skills on Microsoft Flight Simulator.
I’m liking the disclaimer at the top.
Happy Birthday warningdontreadthis!
stevenh: hehe – that isn’t with your bare hands
Is that the attitude indicator or altitude indicator?
I could use one of those attitude indicators at work.
“Sir, they need to see you in the cockpit right away.”
“The cockpit?! What is it?!”
“…It’s a little room at the front of the plane where the pilots sit, but that isn’t important right now.”
“You’ve got clearence, Clarence.”
“Roger, Roger. What’s our vector, Victor?”
Uh, I hate to break this to you, but the cockpit doors are all LOCKED FROM THE INSIDE!!!! So if the pilot, co-pilot, and navigator are all incapacitated, you might as well just go ahead and panic…there is no way out.
Heheh, I guess my Airplane quote has started a trend here…
SlickWilly: Surely you might want to check what scenes have already been quoted in the comments before putting more…
And sorry for calling you Shirley! XD
No time to comment. There’s a sale at Penny’s!
Good list…I’m flying out west in a week so knowing these tips are mildly comforting…
Have you ever been kicked, in the head, with an iron boot? Of course you haven’t, it’s a stupid question, forget I even asked it.
It’s a good thing he doesn’t know how much I hate his guts.
Lay me down and smack um yack um! Cole got the beat, sheeah.
Oh, and we’re out of coffee.
OF COURSE… an invitation to whole plethora of Airplane quotes. You people… so predictable. Soooooo immature. Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
Wellllllll…. speaking as the son of a pilot (and as someone who is learning to fly) in my humblest of humble opinions, this list makes it sound too easy. At some point, folks, you gotta use those rudder pedals. And that won’t be easy, coordinating them with the stick for the very first time in your life. Though… it *can* be done.
And *has* been done–NOT in a large airliner–as someone said earlier, there was an incident where a stewardess took the wheel, as it were, but never a passenger. BUT there have been a couple occasions, at least, where passengers managed to land small aircraft when the pilot was incapacitated.
Also, on a recent episode of Mythbusters, the guys managed it in a flight simulator, being “talked down” by a pilot over the “radio.”
Still… have no illusions…. in any kind of aircraft, this would be a 50/50 proposition (I would say) which would depend a lot on the weather, the kind of aircraft, (some are far harder to fly than others) and how well the novice pilot can keep his/her cool.
One other thing…. air traffic controllers are NOT required to be pilots or to have knowledge of FLYING an aircraft. Getting one on the radio is not, therefore, going to help you with flying and landing the plane. A certified PILOT would have to get on the horn to talk you down… and not just any old pilot. There’s a big difference between flying a Piper Cub and a 767.
and that ain’t no jive talkin’.
Randall: “50/50 proposition”? Are you becoming a pessimist? An optimist would have said, “in any kind of aircraft, you have a good chance of a safe landing”.
From #4:
“If the autopilot is off you are going to have to manually take control of the plane.”
Um, wouldn’t it be easier to simply turn the autopilot ON??
I’ve heard that the inflatable ones do a great job and look good too!
Another tip: If you had some kind of bad experience over Macho Grande, be sure you get over it. Also, remember: The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a white zone.
For something taht never happens, there certainly have been a lot of movies about passengers landing planes, (probably enough for a list)
I came across one with Elisha Cuthbert before she was in [i]24[/i] as a spoiled kid piloting the plane. Some bad acting, and she landed the plane perfectly!
Kreachure: Aww…you beat me to it.
———————-
“Johnny, what can you make of these charts?”
“Well, let’s see…I can make a hat, or a boat, or a bird!”
———————-
“Hey! I know you! You’re Kareem Abdul Jabar! You play for the Los Angeles Lakers!”
“Uh…no, kid, you must have me confused with someone else.”
“No, you’re definately him. My dad has season tickets.”
“You must be mistaken, kid, my name is Richard Murdock. I’m the co-pilot.”
“I think you’re great, but my dad says you don’t work hard enough on defense, and sometimes he says you don’t even run down the court. And that you don’t really try except during the playoff.”
“The hell I don’t!”
Haaa…pure comedy gold.
“…*Roger* Murdock…”
My brother always explains what he is doing when I fly with him so I think that I MIGHT be able to survive landing his plane (a Piper Cherokee, I think it is). But, on the bright side (following pun intended), I am confident that I can turn on the runway landing lights from the air so at least the EMT’s will be able to find my body more easily! That is until someone unplugs them.
Mayday! Mayday!
What the heck is that?
Why, that’s the Russian New Year. We can have a parade and serve hot hors d’oeuvres…
Don’t give me any of that white zone ***** again, admit it, you want me to get an abortion.
So long and thanks for all the fish. . .
There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
I definitely enjoyed reading this… but I would never be able to figure it all out if the need be. haha
flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.
I was thinking of adding a few Airplane quotes myself, but then thought, ‘What the hell… post the whole Damn Script”
AchTeeTeePee://www.textfiles.com/media/SCRIPTS/airplane
we’re gonna hafta blow the autopilot!
*blow* the autopilot?
[autopilot grins]
stevenh: Thanks alot (with sarcasm), my boss is going to be *****ed.
Bucslim: It’s really the only sensible thing to do. If it’s done safely, therapeutically, there’s no danger involved.
Jfrater: I think you might be interested to know that one of the most prevalent ads I’ve seen today on this site is for the $cientology youtube video channel.
daddy247: Haha! That’s *****ed, man.
6. closet_nerd: LMAO! Nice…
Good, at least toolnut and I got the Hitchhiker’s reference. You guys go for the obvious Airplane quotes…sheesh.
Anyone else daydream about landing a plane and being a hero and getting a life-time supply of Cadbury Easter Eggs when reading this list? ME TOO!!!