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It has been a while since we had a “vanity” post. The previous ones have been in honor of such important things as my birthday, but this time we will let the light shine on you – the commenters. The best thing about this list is that the items were chosen by our readers and they were all made by our readers. So how did this happen? On the forums, astraya decided to start a thread of all time funniest listverse comments. Six pages later we have a nice selection. I have gathered together ten of them to present here – and if this is a popular list I will do more in future.
Original List: Your View: What is the worst human invention?
longball: the womans vibrator
Saffa: So you have no problem with a man’s vibrator?
Original List: Top 10 Bizarre Medical Anomalies
List Item 1: Diphallia is a condition in which a male is born with two penises.
Baxter: I wish I had diphallia. Triphallia is a bitch.
Original List: Top 10 Books Of All Time
[JFrater: Next time you think I am not a tolerant moderator, remember this conversation - kiwiboi is my brother - making this a particularly personal discussion.]
bucslim: Holy shit! Isn’t it one of the signs of the apocalypse when Randall and I are on the same side?
kiwiboi: bucslim – maybe you guys oughta get a room…
bucslim: I will, just as soon as I’m done with your Mom.
kiwiboi: Huh ? You mean you’ve finished with yours already ??
bucslim: She’s ok, but not as good as your sister.
kiwiboi: Maybe…but at least your dad says you’re still as tight as a little pink drum
bucslim: He said that after he was done with you.
Randall: amateurs.
Randall: see now, “tight as a little pink drum” is funny.
kiwiboi: Aw c’mon bucslim…you need to be more inventive than that. For example, I could say to you that the last time you got a piece of ass was when your hand tore through the toilet paper
bucslim: No, the last time I got a piece of ass was with your sister.
Original List: Top 15 Movies About High School
Mortivore: @bucslim: Wow. You seriously just made my day. That was probably the funniest thing I’ve heard all day. Of course, I spent my day making funeral arrangements for my recently deceased grand mother … But still.
Original List: Top 10 Major League Pitchers
jajdude: Curveballed guns on the list – baseball is my favorite remedy for insomnia and preventing premature ejacs yo.
jfrater: jajdude: I constantly hope that one day I will understand your comments
Iain: Actually JF – that was one of JAJs more comprehensible comments – to paraphrase – ‘Baseball is so boring it can send you to sleep and thinking about it during sex can prevent ejaculation.” – and I tend to agree.
Original List: Top 10 Major League Pitchers
Enoooo: I’m sure most Americans think European sports are dumb/boring.
segue: … Rugby is catching on. My younger daughter started playing 10 years ago, became a hooker, and now, a prop. She also coaches youth rugby.
bucslim: segue, sorry to hear about your daughter becoming a hooker. One piece of advice, I’m not sure you want her coaching rugby to youngsters. When the other parents find out what she does for extra cash, they might not be too happy about it.
segue: @bucslim: Silly boy.
Original List: Your View: Should Creationism Be Taught In Schools?
Anon: @Kaye “I believe people chose evolution over cheation …”
Some of us go the whole hog and spell it ‘cheating’, Kaye.
Original List: 10 Books That Changed America
Randall: Are we going to argue about contemporary poetry? Please. I haven’t the time. Poetry, after all, is a dead form. No one reads it and only academics are writing it (and pretentious types, who as always write crap, and never go away).
Cheeshygirl: @Randall – “(and pretentious types, who as always write crap, and never go away).”
So, you’ve started writing poetry?
Original List: Your View: Should Creationism Be Taught In Schools?
Kerra: Anon, You give the average high school student far too much intellectual credit. They are no inquisitive and curious. Their hormones rule almost their every action, and if its not hormones its hunger.
Anon: Kerra, Thanks. I’m greatly relieved to hear that. Saves everyone a lot of time [and] trouble. Seems we might shove Creationism out of the curric[ulum] reckoning and give sex education and lunch hour a bit more time instead then! Hohoho.
segue: Anon, you left out the comma between sex and education.
Original List: Top 10 Fascinating Facts That Are Wrong
JayArr: Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
I solte tihs form teh itneernt.
Anon: amishtlnbasintdiiariatsesenm
lo: anon – antidisastablismentarianism?
lo: i meant antidisestablishmentarianism, of course
swampsnake: Anon: oh that was good i almost pseisd myself
Contributors: The forum regulars
Have your say... [Read me first | Top of page, comments]
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February 20th, 2009 at 4:13 am
i love lists about this site… they bring out the best in all of us
February 20th, 2009 at 4:14 am
#2 is the funniest =))
February 20th, 2009 at 4:24 am
lol no. 2, that was a hilarious call
February 20th, 2009 at 4:24 am
its plain to see that everyone is going to be trying to write funny comments now just to do better than these XP
February 20th, 2009 at 4:25 am
LOL
February 20th, 2009 at 4:34 am
OMG, I actually laughed out loud at these and received several dirty looks from my otherwise silent office colleagues!
I love jajdudes comments and i agree with jfrater… hopefully we’ll be able to understand them soon!
February 20th, 2009 at 4:38 am
But Ani, did you snort coffee through your nose/spit it all over the keyboard?
February 20th, 2009 at 4:39 am
hehe, i’ve been waiting to see the top ten from that forum! You got all my favs!
February 20th, 2009 at 4:43 am
Would be pretty ironic if there was a bunch of funny jokes right here, wouldn’t it?
February 20th, 2009 at 4:46 am
ChickyBee – luckily I was not drinking coffee at the time otherwise im sure I would have!
February 20th, 2009 at 4:54 am
Oh of course. I read through that entire forum a few days ago and NOW you dredge through all of that and put everything amusing on a nice silver platter. -_-
Ah well, still a fun list, and a delightful idea for a series *hint hint*.
February 20th, 2009 at 5:07 am
I laughed so hard at #5 I got a cramp! LOL
February 20th, 2009 at 5:17 am
Wow #6 – you’ve made my day! I’d like to thank the Academy for this honour and Jajdude without whom it would not have been possible.
February 20th, 2009 at 5:21 am
ahahaha
bucslim’s great punchline at #8
now thats funny
February 20th, 2009 at 5:37 am
How can anyone over 15 actually find this funny? Oh I forget, this is a sit for intellectuals.
February 20th, 2009 at 5:42 am
lmfao. This was funny
February 20th, 2009 at 5:45 am
HAHA ROFLMAO – I remember #10…funny. This list rocks!
February 20th, 2009 at 5:46 am
This was hilarious! I’ve laughed so hard tears are streaming!
February 20th, 2009 at 5:55 am
Hahaha they all made me LOL.
February 20th, 2009 at 5:59 am
Listverse Fans Post The Darndest Things!
“jfrater: jajdude: I constantly hope that one day I will understand your comments.”
Top Ten Most Incomprehensible jajdude comments.
That would be a fun list! Keep those “Guns” comments coming jajdude. I for one enjoy them.
I do hope that we see another 10 Hilarious Listverse Comments list. This one was great!
February 20th, 2009 at 6:00 am
I agree with Senor Shutter, I hope jajdude never goes away. yo.
February 20th, 2009 at 6:01 am
I don’t read the forums (because I keep forgetting they’re there!) but #3 was the best (imho).
February 20th, 2009 at 6:05 am
site
February 20th, 2009 at 6:09 am
Bucslim FTW! I hope this list encourages more people to frequent the forums!
February 20th, 2009 at 6:18 am
Heh. Busy, busy, busy as I am at work…I’m just gonna have to find the time to vist LV more often. I forgot how much fun it is.
And bucslim is most definitely my comedy hero!
February 20th, 2009 at 6:27 am
Woot! I’m number 3 on a list. I feel so honored. That was the first time I ever spoke to Randall. In case anyone’s wondering, he took it in good humor. *blows kisses to Randall*
February 20th, 2009 at 6:34 am
i thought jamie’s comment to jajdude was the best. only part of the overall post but easily the best line. and agree a list of jajdudes comments would be a very entertaining one.
February 20th, 2009 at 6:44 am
Comments about comments, we just invented Web 4.0
February 20th, 2009 at 6:48 am
bwahahahahahahahaha….thud.
February 20th, 2009 at 7:01 am
haha number 1 was excellent
February 20th, 2009 at 7:01 am
Gotta give it up to Anon and my girl Cheezy. That comeback was awesome.
I remember that exchange with kiwi, my boss walked in when I was typing the last ’s’ in the word ass. Sorta wished I had the ‘boss button’ that day. Reviews are coming up next month. I’m sure I’ll hear about that comment again.
February 20th, 2009 at 7:04 am
that’s it! i am sooo going to the forums on a regular basis now… these where sooo funny…especially the part about Randall writing poetry…
rtr
February 20th, 2009 at 7:12 am
Oh, and you forgot Dazed and Confused. And I’m pretty sure you mixed up the descriptions of 16 Candles with Pretty in Pink.
February 20th, 2009 at 7:18 am
Come to the forums! We’re nice!
p.s. Buc I love you
February 20th, 2009 at 7:25 am
1, 2 and 5 are terrific, I love this site
February 20th, 2009 at 7:27 am
Callie – Because of your comment, my Jacobson’s Organ is prickling and my Junk DNA just stood up and turned red.
You know I a sucker for a woman in pink flop-eared hats, you little super vixen!
February 20th, 2009 at 7:43 am
I love starting the day with a laugh. Great collection of comments from regulars.
February 20th, 2009 at 7:46 am
funny?..yes, but we need more of these:)
February 20th, 2009 at 7:47 am
Makes me wish I had been reading these lists longer. There’s nothing quite like building up a rapport with people who I will never meet…
February 20th, 2009 at 7:54 am
Haahaha Bucslim #5 & #8 made me LOL right at my desk!!!
that was really good!
thank you
February 20th, 2009 at 7:54 am
I know what you mean Travis…
February 20th, 2009 at 8:11 am
I didn’t make the list. I’m just gonna go burn my computer you guys. bucslim I take my hat of to you.
February 20th, 2009 at 8:14 am
i like nickels
February 20th, 2009 at 8:16 am
What are your feelings about dimes?
February 20th, 2009 at 8:19 am
Jfrater: I can’t believe it, I can’t get into the forums. Again.
February 20th, 2009 at 8:24 am
Very fun list and I hope you do it again. With your sister, of course.
February 20th, 2009 at 8:33 am
Ahh nice. I wanna hand it to bucslim and Randall for being upstanding members of the the dickcheesz elite. Maybe we will run into each other on pills at DisneyWorld some day. You never know….
February 20th, 2009 at 8:34 am
Ahhhhhhhhhh. So my living has not (quite) been (entirely) in vain.
My vote goes to 2 and 3 as an honorable tie. Dorothy Parker would have been proud of either. When you use an optical glass to focus the sun’s rays and start a fire, you try to get that little bright spot downsized. Those two get it as tiny and burning hot as can be.
February 20th, 2009 at 8:36 am
Jajdude is the best… I wonder what a real-life conversation would be like with him.
February 20th, 2009 at 8:41 am
# 33 SoCalJeff I agree with you, but I end my day with a laugh – I only get the list +- 6 pm in the evenings.
Good list though thanks guys.
February 20th, 2009 at 8:56 am
Holy crap! I never thought I’d be on a list. ^-^ This makes my day. I love this list. XD
February 20th, 2009 at 8:57 am
Jfrater- I hope you soon include a list about great funny stories, not only witty replies.
I specially cherish one from Anon in “Top Ten tips for winning an argument” regarding his 90 year old gardener Don Carlos which was hilarious.
Great list, or should it be Metalist?
February 20th, 2009 at 9:05 am
Oh my! These are amazingly funny! Even the ones I’m not in (
)!
Seriously, thank you astraya, for putting this list together in Forums. I read it everyday, just for the chuckles I knew it would bring me. I’m honored to be included in a couple of the above.
February 20th, 2009 at 9:12 am
# 9 made my week
February 20th, 2009 at 9:15 am
It’s really a great list- let’s the commenters shine. Glad to see familiar names. And I’m very surprised to see how WIDE OPEN Randall left himself on #3. Thanks for making me laugh.
February 20th, 2009 at 9:29 am
Good stuff, I LOL’ed much. But I’m sure there are lots of other hilarious comments that could build up to dozens of lists as funny as this one.
February 20th, 2009 at 9:32 am
Oh, and you know what? We’re putting up comments about comments, or as I like to call them, Metacomments! Ooh, that’s so cool and modern!
See? This place IS the future of the internet!
February 20th, 2009 at 9:35 am
Oh gyus, cmoma oen in 2nd etnry was spmily geart.
But ppoele say, I lekid the fsirt oen mroe.
February 20th, 2009 at 9:38 am
but The eight killed mi stomak.
February 20th, 2009 at 9:53 am
sure, i waste three hours the other day reading through the forum thread, and now they’re right here hahaha
February 20th, 2009 at 10:13 am
I’m going to give kiwiboi the win for #8, hilarious stuff!
February 20th, 2009 at 10:20 am
Jajude is the funniest poster ever – but a lot of the regulars have their moments!
February 20th, 2009 at 10:26 am
Great List! More like this plz. perhaps the top ten funny yet aggressive argumentive comments.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:32 am
I just KNEW as soon as I saw the title of this list that Jajdude would be somewhere on it.
I will admit that his post is the one I scan for first….. then I scroll back up and read the rest.
or should I say “awesome job on the vocab Jajdude – I scan the comments for your words of wisdom as a daily ritual yo.”
February 20th, 2009 at 10:35 am
How about some honorable mentions?
My old mate astraya himself has made me nose-snort a pretty cup of coffee or two.
And Cyn can show us all how to clout trollz with a jester’s bauble.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Cyn
February 20th, 2009 at 10:56 am
#9 ftw.
Fun list.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Gotta give props to my girl Cheeshy for number 3. I about fell out of my chair laughing first time I read it, and only wished that I had been able to make the comment first:)
February 20th, 2009 at 11:29 am
TGFLV (thank god for listverse)
February 20th, 2009 at 11:40 am
I almost pesisd myself at #1 too. This was fun.
February 20th, 2009 at 11:45 am
Those were a hoot. Funniest list in a long time. Thanks!!
February 20th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Am I seeing things or have some of the comments on this list disappeared?
February 20th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
WarningDontReadThis -
yes you are!
February 20th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Why is Anon apologizing to Anon and saying hes Cyn
?
February 20th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
WarningDontReadThis -
MYOB
February 20th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
I’m sorry, but these still aren’t as funny as a midget geek on Viagra at a dog show.
Now try to get that image out of your brains.
(Thank you for your consideration next time around, lol.)
February 20th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Cyn: Thats scary cause I’m sure there was some guy who said that he thought none of these comments where amusing and he mentioned a boner and then Anon said something and now I’m all confused and this sentence is way too long.
Is someone playing a trick on me?
February 20th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
WarningDontReadThis -
yes!
February 20th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
February 20th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Dont worry WarningDontReadThis you’re not crazy. Comments have disappeared!!! (or maybe we’re both crazy)
February 20th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Jamie, I think you have a hit.
February 20th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
WarningDontReadThis, (79),
Enough of this AnonCynce. This is the real Anon standing up. (But can’t guarantee the real Cyn won’t be standing up alongside me IDC.) Cyn, they have ops for separating we Thailandese twins these days ya knows. Hahaha.
Yes, in fact I suggested that someone, who (gracias a Cyn) will now remain forever LV nameless, was a great big ball of fun and invited he/she/it to provide the laughs he/she/it stated did not exist here.
P.S. And I’m not uttering a murmur about post 76. Right?
February 20th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
I dont get these
this is basically a page of Top 10 Listverse Inside Jokes
February 20th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Lol
February 20th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
This list shows just how exclusive the list universe club is. The other 99% of us have no idea what’s so funny.
February 20th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
I’m just glad I wasn’t seeing things.
February 20th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
great list…one of the best in quite some time.
however…i was expecting to see 10 comments from jajdude…though i suppose those aren’t so much funny “haha”, but more funny “keep the kids away from that guy”.
no offense jajdude…i enjoy trying to figure out what it is you are saying every time.
February 20th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
hey all – glad you like the list – hopefully we can get many more together for a series in future
I have said since he beginning of the site that it is the commenters that make it worthwhile – and this proves it 
February 20th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Number five got me. This list should’ve been thirty entries long!
February 20th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
I’m going to have to start saying funnier things.
February 20th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
I do have to say, “tight as a little pink drum” is one of the best things I’ve ever heard. JF, good sir, give your brother a hearty pat on the back for that one
February 20th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
dole@86… if you are a regular visiter and read all the comments you should find them funny. they were said er typed right here. and its not an excluesive club anyone can join. i mean hey they let me in and that alone scares me.
February 20th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Thank you jfrater. I knew I was awesome
February 20th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Where can you buy copies of Randall’s poetry?
(I’ve got some intellectual girls I’m trying to seduce/bore.)
Jajadude should get a complimentary T-shirt or something from the site for his posts.
February 20th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
True, there is something to be said for pithiness. However, I just HAVE to repost the conversation between Randall and I on the “Top 12 things you need to be a mad scientist” list, pertaining the legality and global economy of trafficking hunchbacked lab assistants. This is lengthy but worth it. Witness truly sublime repartee.
“#27. Randall – March 6th, 2008 at 8:08 am
gonzo:
Hunchbacks can no longer legally be bought or sold on the open market. Believe me, I know.
Goddamned NAFTA.”
“#33. Slick Willy – March 6th, 2008 at 9:04 am
Would there be an underground black market source of hunchbacks anywhere? Perhaps in some seedy latin american country? I’m not sure what the penalty on hunchback trafficking is, but I’d volunteer to be the coyote if the price is right.”
“#36. Randall – March 6th, 2008 at 9:29 am
Slick:
Trafficking in hunchbacks can land you in Federal prison, man… or worse, Gitmo. But if you’re caught with just *one,* they’d probably let you off if it’s your first offense. Things get more complicated if said hunchback has already performed certain “tasks” for you…. you know, the usual…. robbing graves, stealing brains, killing the odd village maiden for her fresh, young heart… the feds don’t look kindly on such activities and hunchbacks are notorious for turning state’s witness against “master.” (Usually because of the whippings they’ve had to endure). You could find yourself brought up some nasty charges.
These are the risks of the mad scientist though. My advice–circumvent US customs laws and so on by obtaining a creaky old mansion on some South Seas island where you can experiment in relative peace. Better still, have a supply of local natives around as “test subjects” as needed. Easier to then purchase a hunchback on the black market and have him shipped to your locale. No complicated forms to fill out and no Homeland Security to deal with.
Obscure Eastern European enclaves are of course preferable, but they’ve become fewer and far between since the EU has expanded… then you’re into paying duties and VAT fees of all kinds (you know how the Europeans are–a tax and a fee on everything) and the final cost for a hunchback with reasonable service skills can run you beaucoup bux. With the exchange rate the way it is, it’s even worse. But illegal hunchbackery in Eastern European countries where antiquated 19th century laws are still on the books can result in some nasty penalties–attack by knobkerrie-wielding villagers, then hanging, drawing and quartering–none of which is pleasant.
Depends on if you’re really in it for the mad science, or just doing it as a hobby.
One saving grace: lotsa unemployed Russian hunchbacks who used to do menial tasks in the gulags–feeding gruel to the inmates, whippings, various humiliations–these guys’ll still work for peanuts and can be brought across borders fairly easily. They also make good, servile toadies. Used to being manhandled by low-level commissars. Careful though–some of them liked it.
Good luck!”
#45. Slick Willy – March 6th, 2008 at 10:06 am
The Eastern European territory sounds tempting, but I hear that the real estate over there in the lower-lying areas is mostly subprime, and the better suited terrain of the Carpathian mountain region is facing a real estate bubble that’s on its way up. Interest rates are through the roof, foreclosures are common in a market struggling from the shrinkage of the mad science industry that the economy is dependent on. Not to mention the dodgy Socialist tax system (Of course, when did a mad scientist ever bother to file for a W-2?) No, it’s just not a buyer’s market in the eastern European countries right now. I liked your idea of the Pacific island, though. A true Moreau-esque landscape, rich with potential for under-the-table human rights violations. Of course, that leads back to the problem of the hunchback. Given the demographics of the region, the eastern European/Russian border area is ripe with the physical deformities and mental capacities of the preferred hunchback model, they work hard, are used to long hours and prolonged periods of gratuitous torture, and will work for table scraps. However, that does bring up the very nasty problem of having to deal with the Russian hunchback connections, and I hear they are a very surly lot. Not too keen on the IOU’s, particularly from hobbyist mad scientists like myself. No, I think a much better solution all around would be to neutralize US Customs involvement and avoid the Russians altogether by probing the mountains of the West Virginia area of the states for a suitable facsimile. I’m sure that the proper requirements can be met in one of the domestic models, and for a much better price. Of course, instead of “Yes, master?” I might have to settle for, “Yeea, Bawss?” but really, it’s all the same. As long as he has a lot of love to give, I’ve got a good home for him.”
“#52. Randall – March 6th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Slick:
You see my point about Eastern Europe. Once a haven for the mad scientist, its increasing gentrification and high overhead makes it undesirable today. Too bad–that’s still where all the great castles and ruined watchtowers are. Trouble is they’re rapidly becoming bed and breakfasts and the like… even youth hostels. No self-respecting mad scientist wants to worry about serving a continental breakfast on time to the tourists from Mannheim, or worse, Ft. Wayne.
You’re correct about the Russian hunchback market–it *has* fallen under the control of the Russian mafia, and they’re a pack of tough customers. And unlike the old-school criminal element, they have zero respect for the evil genius of the mad scientist, and even less tolerance for slow payments.
I must caution you *against* this idea, however, of resorting to some place like the backwoods of West Virginia to set up your den of evil. A) Such locales are considered “low rent” amongst the mad science set, and you’ll find you’re not taken at all seriously by your peers or even your lackeys and underlings. The blow to your reputation would be near-impossible to recover from. B) While it’s tempting to draw from the slope-browed local workforce, remember that their level of loyalty is notoriously low, and they’ll turn on you for as little as a jug of cheap moonshine. Moreover, remember that the American Lab Slave Union (ALSU) is a pain to deal with, and there’s no use in trying to hire scabs–they might be dumb, these hick hunchbacks, but they know what side is buttered on their bread. Inbred and isolationist, they stick together–sometimes in ways that violate the laws of man and god. C) Speaking of which–there’s no trusting these corn-fed hunchies when you’re back is turned. Buggery is a big problem with this group. Need I say more?
Of course, given your closing statement: “As long as he has a lot of love to give, I’ve got a good home for him” — maybe this last is exactly what you’re looking for.”
Just brilliant.
February 20th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
just when you think listverse couldn’t get any worse…
February 20th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
slick – I’m speechless. I think I cracked a rib when I was reading ‘Buggery is a big problem with this group.”
February 20th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Not sure what word tripped the moderation thingy.
Stand by.
February 20th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Slick: Is that really you o_O?Haven’t seen you in a while. Anyway you lost me at pithiness…
February 20th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
Where the hell is jajdude? Is it because “self referential guns on the list, g.” would be too obvious?
February 20th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
#8: Not funny at all, not even a little bit. Very juvenile and immature, though, as though it were written by a couple 12-year-olds. No offense.
February 20th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
LMAO!
Number 6 is definitely my favourite.
I should really start thinking of funnier comments now.:D
February 20th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
I am the 999,999th visitor. YIPEE!
February 20th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
SlickWilly, (96),
Speaking for my part of the world, I’m sure we can accommodate your traditional Mad Scientist in Brazil still (Chile, sadly, being a little too accessible and well-developed nowadays for such an eremitic breed). There was something about a notorious cloning of toothbrush moustaches there a while back, as I recall. Failing that, Argentina. Though some of the neighbours in the remote Patagonian bolthole of Villa Ciencialoca are a trifle ancient and reclusive, I have to warn you, and speak with very thick accents.
Quality, reliable hunchbacks are most likely obtainable from inbred high-Andean villages. Buggery is irrelevant in a land of so many llamas. You’ll find them (the hunchbacks!) servile by custom from days of the Inca empire and subsequent colonial Conqistadores. They’re sold off cheaply, particularly when young and receptive, by families saving desperately to get to the Big Bad City. And trafficked as an extra cash aside by accommodating coke barons. Everything the M.S. might wish at low or no risk, I venture to suggest. A final hint: any border problems may be swiftly and conveniently bypassed or resolved by a meagre few pesos slipped unobtrusively into the passport.
February 20th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
wlel taht was vrey itnrsetnig why do we hvae the brian pwoer raed siht lkie tihs. Smoenoe trusts us a lttile too mcuh.
February 20th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Don’t believe those lies, it said i was the 999,999th visitor and when i clicked it i almost got a trojan.
Very funny comments, the bucslim character is very interesting kinda like the class clown from high school.
February 20th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
#6 and #2 are the best one’s here by far!
February 20th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
No ‘retarted’??
February 20th, 2009 at 7:13 pm
wow, i’m shocked to be involved in the list itself! perhaps i should start visiting the forums, i too forget they exist.
February 20th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Wait. You actually read the comments to make this list?
…awesome…
February 20th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
Strenuous guns on the list, g – was battling my botulism in bedsies and toiletskis so dis list slipped past my wrists, yo
February 20th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
Gross?
February 20th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
I was at a party last night and have only just checked this topic and hey wow! Sorry I wasn’t here so far to read and perhaps respond to comments. I’m glad we’ve given so much happiness to so many people. We regulars try our hardest. To those who have commented on the “in-group-iness” of these comments: stick around and participate – you’ll soon learn who is who and what the in-jokes are.
“retarted” is mentioned in the forum – someone tracked down the original occurrence.
Dana @ 91 – I said exactly the same thing in the forum when Jamie said he was going to compile a list from the forum. I was fully expecting someone to say “You’d better start saying FUNNY things first”.
SlickWilly @96 – Hi after so long. Where have you been? I did not see that exchange, otherwise I would most certainly have posted it in the forum. There’s another Randall classic somewhere I need help in tracking down. There was a discussion about why certain comments go into moderation. Among Cyn’s practical explanations, Randall suggested that it was to protect Jamie’s visa to the US so he could go to native reservations, buy cigarettes in bulk to sell in NZ to fund the List Universe. Something like that. Does anyone know where that was?
February 20th, 2009 at 9:14 pm
#110 “retarted”
hmmm..
that’s what happened to me after my divorce
February 20th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
Im with Matt (110)
Retarted. That beats all. Hands down and away.
February 20th, 2009 at 9:40 pm
jaj – Huh? I’m laughing, but. . .huh?
Astraya – I’m shocked you don’t remember I tracked that down. Took me about a day. I mean, it’s not like I have a girlfriend or something else to distract me in my spare time. No, I’m a little Listverse bitch. I spend all my waking hours waiting to piss on everything like Gramps with a fresh supply of Flomax. Either that or I’m researching other people’s typo’s just so I can make fun of them. I know, it’s a sad and pathetic life, but this is something I’m compelled to do.
And I’m typing this as I sit naked on the couch.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Cool list….yo
February 20th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
bucslim:
You’re life seems no less pathetic than mine.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
So I was really proud and surprised and happy that I was actually on the list *TWICE*!, and so I sent my husband a copy of the list.
I just asked him if he wwnjoyed it, and he said, “Oh!It was just too weird. All those odd pictures, and the comments seemed so off the wall, that I read the first couple and just deleted the whole thing”.
He didn’t even get to my comments.
Now I’m bummed.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
This site is the only reason i don’t get fired from work for sleeping. Just OMFG greatness.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:39 pm
Nice.
Won’t be long before we can make our own derivative of bash.
February 20th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
Hey all, it’s Yarr! It’s been a while.
February 20th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
classic, anything jajdude or bucs say always makes me crackup..fresh list fer sure. Mexecution! Where you at bro?
February 21st, 2009 at 2:16 am
Gotta love this site, it gives me an excuse to not do what I’m supposed to be doing (homework, coursework etc.)
February 21st, 2009 at 3:13 am
Man this list is pure genius. I can’t say I can’t disagree with you guys!!!!
February 21st, 2009 at 6:35 am
bucslim 118.
“No, I’m a little Listverse bitch. I spend all my waking hours waiting to piss on everything like Gramps with a fresh supply of Flomax. Either that or I’m researching other people’s typo’s just so I can make fun of them. I know, it’s a sad and pathetic life, but this is something I’m compelled to do.”
That’s the ONLY way to get on this particular list, buddy. Keep up the good work.
February 21st, 2009 at 6:47 am
segue, (121),
Ohhhhhhhhhh dear! So sorry.
Well, they do say LV is an insiders’ club …
Possible fence-mending suggestion. Why not just copy out your two entries, sans pics, and send to him again?
February 21st, 2009 at 8:12 am
Well, I had always hoped secretly that a list like this would come about one day.
How about ” The Top 10 devastating punchlines by Randall” as the next list?
February 21st, 2009 at 9:05 am
Me? Immortalised in a Listverse list? I’m truly honoured!
February 21st, 2009 at 10:03 am
128. Anon: Great minds etc… I did just that. He laughed and laughed. The missing comma was his personal fav.
February 21st, 2009 at 10:20 am
Hilarious! I needed this! The worst human invention comment is classic!
February 21st, 2009 at 10:29 am
Shyne: Actually we need a “The Top 10 Randall Comebacks for those Morons who argue with him”
and I just love bucslim’s comments!
February 21st, 2009 at 10:50 am
133. oouchan : I completely agree!!
February 21st, 2009 at 11:36 am
None of these were funny at all. You all have terrible senses of humor. You should have put something about hollowing out babies to transport drugs or something. Now that’s a stitch.
February 21st, 2009 at 11:39 am
…says the nihilist.
February 21st, 2009 at 1:14 pm
I liked number 10 and 9
February 21st, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Lol, these were great.
February 21st, 2009 at 3:50 pm
@95 Slick Willy: Thank you for that…
Also one of my proudest (LV) days … when Randall wrote “one of the best lists ever” – on my list!
February 21st, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Jajdude- Hope you are feeling better
Food poisoning sucks
February 22nd, 2009 at 1:41 am
@buclim
you are hilarious motherfucker
February 22nd, 2009 at 3:14 am
bucslim: I knew it was you, but didn’t want to identify you in public as someone with no life whatsoever. If, on the other hand, you want to identify yourself in public as someone with no life whatsoever, then go ahead. Oh, you already have.
In the last 50 or so hours, I have attended a school staff dinner, caught a high-speed train to a regional city, attended a party, caught another high-speed train back, gone to two islands off the west coast, seen two temples and a church and taken I don’t know how many photos, which I now have to sort, so I’ve come here to procrastinate.
And I’ve got two new lists to read.
February 22nd, 2009 at 7:07 am
meh.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:06 am
astraya is busy!
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:37 am
Haha, Im loving it. Bucslim makes me larrff
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:14 am
Very, very late in the day, I’m afraid:
“Diphallia is a condition in which a male is born with two penises.
Baxter: I wish I had diphallia. Triphallia is a bitch.”
… unless you’re trimanual.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:08 am
I would try that Anon, but my penises didn’t come with a manual.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:35 am
Baxter, (147),
That wasn’t very handy then.
February 22nd, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Baxter, (147),
“… my penises didn’t come with a manual.”
Don’t worry, squire. Nor did anyone’s. It usually happens automatically the first time around as a wet dream.
February 22nd, 2009 at 3:25 pm
I think some of the comments on this list should be added to the funniest comments
February 22nd, 2009 at 3:51 pm
(True story) An elderly woman in a church choir once said “My husband is trisexual. He’ll try anything.”
February 22nd, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Nietzsche wasn’t nihilist… do some reading.
February 22nd, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Be more honest. Some believe he *was* a nihilist. And he is credited for bringing the term and the contemporary meaning into the common lexicon, at any rate. Plus, it was a joke.
February 22nd, 2009 at 5:07 pm
@ 150. I think that’s what everyone’s trying to do.
February 22nd, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Davo 154.
“@ 150. I think some of the comments on this list should be added to the funniest comments
I think that’s what everyone’s trying to do.”
Nah, mate. We’re putting in early competetive bids for the next one. Not very subtle, is it?
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:34 pm
Yeah, to be fair I think every comment on this list is pretty much excempt from the next “funny comments” list… but it’s nice to have people trying anyway!
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:55 pm
I thought everyone knew this… you know, the thing about not reproaching nihilism only to hasten its ultimate departure. It’s not a matter of belief, he was not nihilist. He declared himself an “immoralist.”
February 23rd, 2009 at 2:00 am
*shrugs* Right on. You learn something new everyday.
February 23rd, 2009 at 7:47 am
I like how you can apply the vibrator to any part of the body. Everyone likes variety, I suppose.
Makes me wonder what they REALLY use when you go to a Spa to get a massage…
*cringe*
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:31 pm
158. SlickWilly, maybe he wasn´t technically a nihilist but now he sounds like a grouchy old fart with no sense of humor
February 23rd, 2009 at 11:46 pm
Ah, why pass such ignorant judgment? You’ve clearly never read his appreciation of aesthetic beauty, he actually found things enjoyable, just not sex and life, haha.
February 24th, 2009 at 5:45 am
no, no, no!
i cant remember whose comment it was, but it was on the list about “things you didnt know about pornography” where someone said: “its no fun being an old man if you can’t put dirty in front of it.” that may not be the exact quote either, but its at least close and a hell of a lot funnier than number 3.
February 24th, 2009 at 6:54 am
Cernunnos: That would have been Anon. I’m still laughing about that too.
February 24th, 2009 at 8:55 am
Cernunnos (162) & & Crimanon (163),
You’re both too kind for your bonus or honorable mention. As I recall, you have the quote spot on. Being included in three quotes of the topic is greedy enough as it is. Given a personal choice of three though, I might have subbed my DOM quote for Nº4 (‘cheating’ for the typo ‘cheation’), even if the latter is a tad more subtle.
Actually, pace Randall – the victim, and yourself, Curnunnos, I find Cheesie’s quote Nº3 wonderfully sharp. It’s definitely my joint fave.
February 24th, 2009 at 9:02 am
Baxter,
Returning to the third hand. Material here is sourced from a variety of topics. I’m therefore reminded of entry Nº6 in
“The plantaris muscle is used by animals in gripping and manipulating objects with their feet – something you see with apes who seem to be able to use their feet as well as their hands.”
February 24th, 2009 at 9:03 am
Sorry. accidentally submitted before finishing. Hold the page!
February 24th, 2009 at 9:13 am
Baxter,
Here we go again:
Returning to the third hand. Material here is sourced from a variety of topics. I’m therefore reminded of entry Nº6 in Signs Of Evolution In Modern Man:
“The plantaris muscle is used by animals in gripping and manipulating objects with their feet – something you see with apes who seem to be able to use their feet as well as their hands.”
That revives a mental image of a natural history docu on chimpanzee social behaviour. An adolescent chimpanzee was pictured with an erection, and also peeling and eating a fruit. Onto the scene arrived a pair of experienced adults and set about their regular early morning, pre-prandial, social coupling. Observing this, junior began to masturbate vigorously with one of his prehensile feet whilst continuing to peel and eat the fruit with his two hands. So much simultaneous sensuous pleasure!
February 24th, 2009 at 9:24 am
Anon: its not that i didnt find number 3 funny, i just didnt find it funny enough to be among the top entries. and i also feel it was kind of a cheap shot that any regular reader could have made.
and you dont have to excuse your bestial urges by pretending it was a documentary, you are fooling no one you dirty old man.
personally i think number 7 should be much higher as well.
February 24th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Cernunnos,
“… it was kind of a cheap shot that any regular reader could have made”
Vox pop., dear boy, vox pop. Pour encourager les autres.
February 24th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
riight.. so.. whenever you feel like making sense, i’m all ears.
February 24th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
170. Cernunnos
“riight.. so.. whenever you feel like making sense, i’m all ears.”
You LISTEN to type? Wow!
February 25th, 2009 at 12:19 am
Catching on to figurative speech is a talent not all have…
February 28th, 2009 at 4:36 am
Nº2, ’segue’s comma’ reminds me of a T-shirt a friend used to sport. He bought it during a visit to the U.S., so its joke may be totally familiar to Americans, in which case apologies for the unnecessary repeat.
It featured a cartoon drawing of a randy rodent, perhaps a beaver, but whose name I forget. The legend accompanying it said: “It sleeps, eats roots, shoots and leaves.”
If you place an extra comma, it changes the entire meaning of the second half of the sentence: “It sleeps, eats, roots, shoots and leaves.”
February 28th, 2009 at 4:48 am
Some Australian blokes are referred to by their girlfriends as “wombats” ie he eats roots and leaves. In a slightly tamer version involving a panda, it was told by Lynn Truss in the introduction of her book “Eats, Shoots and Leaves”.
This really belongs under “Signs of Evolution”, but I’ll say it here, cause it’s kinda relevant. Years ago I saw an ad in a music magazine for a t-shirt with the inscription “Bach’s Organ Works”. On the back it says “and so does mine”. I wanted to buy one, but one of my sisters heaped sarcasm on the idea.
March 1st, 2009 at 6:12 pm
astraya,
Oh yes. That would have made the perfect coda to the theme and variations we improvised over at SOE.
Been there, done that, but you DIDN’T get the T-shirt? You should have bought it. (Plus one for me.)
March 1st, 2009 at 9:17 pm
I have the book, “Eats, Shoots and Leaves”. It’s a pretty amusing little volume, but not terribly accurate in all of it’s grammar usage lessons.
March 8th, 2009 at 5:40 am
Yaeh the lsit is ralely fnuny.
I esepiclaly lkie the ietm no. 1. Prtety mcuh dinog it msylef.
Mkeas me wnoedr why speilnlg is all taht imoptrnat. Rgiht?
I ocne was a speilnlg cahmp in shocol for trhee cnoesucitve yraes but I lsot tihs yaer. It’s ralely a good tihng taht I raed tihs lsit, and it did ceher me up. I aslo got smoe good luahgs form raeindg.
March 11th, 2009 at 7:21 am
Hahahhahaha…No 1!!!
April 5th, 2009 at 4:21 am
lmao at no. 5
May 6th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
# 6 was the best use of English I’ve seen so far.
May 7th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
regarding #5. My daughter’s rugby team just concluded their regular season last Saturday with a final win; not just a win, but they had not been scored against during the entire season and the final game was no exception. For that final important game she was back in her hooker position, giving prop off to the less experienced woman who had been learning the hooker position (pun intended).
May 12th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
I like number one the best.
May 24th, 2009 at 10:38 am
i don’t know why i kept coming back to this list…
you guys are great…
=p
May 24th, 2009 at 10:38 am
i don’t know why i kept coming back to this list…
you guys are great…
=p
May 30th, 2009 at 12:37 am
number 8 is the best made me laugh so hard (-:
August 21st, 2009 at 12:48 am
Number 7 was the funniest.
August 21st, 2009 at 2:46 pm
number one, funniest thing i’ve read today.
November 29th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
I would try to out-do these comments, but I don’t have to try.
January 11th, 2010 at 1:00 pm
Started to see a trend with bucslim… Hilarious!
February 24th, 2010 at 9:06 pm
@thegiantcookie – it’s plain to see that your name suggests that you have a large vagina. Let’s blow this pop stand.