Food! For most it is a delight, for some it is a curse, but for all it is necessary for life. For the most part we know what we are eating – especially when we home cook, but beneath the shiny packets of mass-produced foods, lie ingredients that don’t bear thinking about. This list explores ten of the most unusual ingredients used in cooking today – this is not a historic list – this is about food now. Enjoy!
Gold is one of the most popular metals used in jewelry. It is also very useful in electronics. In addition to its more common uses, gold is used as a food additive – usually for decorative purposes in the form of gold leaf (E number E175). It is quite popular as an additive to alcoholic drinks and there is a traditional Polish and German liqueur called Goldwasser (Goldwater) which contains thousands of tiny flakes. Gold is inert to body chemistry so it passes through the body unaltered and has no nutritional value.
In August, 2006, the United States Food and Drug Administration approved the use of bacteriophages in the preparation of food (specifically ready to eat meat products). A bacteriophage is a virus that infects bacteria; the point of applying these viruses to food is that they will kill any bacteria that might cause food poisoning. Every year, 2,500 Americans get sick from listeriosis – consequently, millions of Americans now regularly chow down on viruses added intentionally to stop those few thousand people getting sick. The FDA does not require that food treated with these viruses should carry a label. Frighteningly, they say: “As long as it [is] used in accordance with the regulations, we have concluded it’s safe.” Worthwhile? You be the judge.
Borax: fire retardant, insecticide, treatment for horse thrush, ingredient in glass and detergent, and… ingredient. Luckily for the Americans reading, borax is illegal as a food additive there (though it is permitted in imported caviar – the fat cats in government allow themselves a few luxuries), but not so in many other nations. It is often used as a preservative in caviar, and in some Asian countries it is found in noodles, meatballs, and steamed rice. It has an E number of E285. It can have serious toxic effects on humans (particularly effecting the testes).
Once upon a time, amaranth was used as a food coloring (red to be specific) but scientific testing found it to be extremely carcinogenic, so someone came up with a replacement: allura red AC (also know by the E number E129). Allura Red AC is made from coal tar (a liquid that is a by-product of turning coal into coal gas or coke). Coal tar is flammable and is frequently used in medicated shampoos designed to kill head lice. It is also used to make tylenol. While allura red AC is not carcinogenic, it can cause vomiting and other side-effects in some people. Despite this, it is FDA approved and very common in candy and soft drinks.
Okay – to be more exact we are talking about shellac which was very commonly used as a varnish back in the old days (from around 1880 – 1930) before it was replaced with lacquer. Shellac is used in baking and in mass produced candy to give the finished product a nice shine. The most likely source of shellac in most of our reader’s diets will be from Skittles – the colorful coated fruit-flavored candies. Now that we know how much we love to eat shellac, we should probably also point out that it is made from a secretion of the female lac beetle. She excretes the shellac onto branches in order to help her cocoon stick.
Cochineal and carmine are two red food colorings that are derived from bugs – the cochineal bug to be exact. Cochineal is produced by drying and pulverizing the whole body of the bug, while carmine is a derivative of cochineal powder. The bugs are usually killed by immersing them in boiling water – the amount of time they spent in the water determines the level of redness – whether it be a lighter orange color or a vivid red. 155,000 insects are needed to make two pounds of food dye. Cochineal has been used for hundreds of years and it is also a very popular cloth dye.
You read that right… Cigarette smoking has been banned from bars and pubs all around the world, so someone came up with a brilliant idea: if you can’t smoke it – eat it! The trick is to take a fine bottle of spirits (usually vodka but sometimes brandy, etc) and drop a smoke or two in it (or a cigar in the case of brandy). The nicotine – and other chemicals, seep out of the cigarette and infuse flavor and color into the drink. These concoctions are often called “nicotine tea”. I was fortunate (?) enough to try one at a bar recently and I can’t say I enjoyed the drink a great deal.
On a previous list we mentioned civet coffee, the very expensive coffee beans that are gathered from the poop of civets, and if it weren’t for the fact that civet anal juice is now replaced by a synthetic chemical (civetone), it would be on this list. However, beaver anal juice (castoreum) is not (yet) able to be synthesized and it is still used in foodstuffs. It is most commonly found as a flavor enhancer in raspberry products – apparently it adds a nice rounded flavor. It is also found in chewing gum and cigarettes. The question is – who the hell discovered that beaver poop juice tasted good with raspberries?
L-cysteine is an amino acid that is commonly used in baked goods because it adds elasticity and helps soften dough. It is also commonly used in hair perm solutions. You can find it in bagels, doughnuts, bread, cookies, and frankly, a hell of a lot of yummy things. The cheapest way to produce it (and therefore the most common source at present) is by a special chemical process using human hair – most of which is sourced (and prepared) in China. Because of this, it has led to some debate over whether eating products containing l-cysteine is a type of cannibalism. In China it was also used in the production of soy source: “When asking [the soy manufacturer] how the amino acid syrup (or powder) was generated, [he] replied that the powder was generated from human hair. Because the human hair was gathered from salon [sic], barbershop [sic] and hospitals around the country, it was unhygienic and mixed with condom [sic], used hospital cottons, used menstrual cycle pad [sic], used syringe [sic], etc.”
A common ingredient found in poop is called skatole. The word comes from the ancient Greek root “skat” which means “dung” – this is the same root from which we get “scatology” – the study of feces. It is derived from mammals (it is produced in their digestive tract) and it smells (not surprisingly) like poop. This delightful ingredient is used in cigarettes, many perfumes and – most importantly for the purposes of this list, strawberry ice cream. Like the beaver ass above, someone discovered that strawberry flavor is greatly enhanced with the addition of a little dung. Frankly, I will stick to pepper.
Contributor: JFrater






























I am so hungry now.. great list as usual.
Buclism and Randall: STOP! Your ass jokes are making me feel ill! Plus, I´´m looking at my empty Starbucks cup from this morning… YUCK!
Who discovered all ass related food products – Andrew Zimmern of course.
He also discovered lamb’s afterbirth hair conditioner.
JF – pepper?
Randall’s comments were so funny I spit keyboard keys into my Coke.
bucslim:
Sarcastic SOB.
Actually, Woodchuck Teabag Tea still makes me snort.
“Klag, try now.”
“Unk. Klag already bite dead possum. What more chief want?”
“Klag MUST try!”
“Why chief dip woodchuck’s nutsack in brown water?”
“TRY Klag!”
“No look like woodchuck like it.”
“KLAG TRY!”
“Okay, Klag try.”
“No spit out.”
“Klag not spit out.”
“What Klag think?”
“Klag no like. Klag see funny things!”
“Bah! Klag no warrior! Klag like little girl! No can take taste of woodchuck ‘nad. Go away Klag. Bucsklunk come and try spider monkey!”
“Bucsklunk no like spider monkey!”
“Stupid Bucsklunk! No eat spider monkey! Rub spider monkey ass on leaf, eat that!”
“Oh. Okay, Bucsklunk try that.”
“What Bucsklunk think?”
“Mmm. Bucsklunk think bland. Think need more panda taint.”
“Goddamn picky Bucsklunk. Think he Anthony Bourdain.”
how ’bout this white thing that fell out of a chicken’s butt? maybe, but only if we crack it, take out the inside, and fry it for a little while.
Hey, any chance I can get to type the word ‘teabag’ or ‘taint’ – gotta take advantage of that. And I enjoyed your caveman scenario.
But I figured it was more along the lines of some mountain men out camping and one of their friends has too much to drink. They find a befuddled beaver in his tent and berry scented juice on his beard. As they herd the beaver back out into the wild the dude whispers “I wish I knew how to quit you beaver.”
Fade. Credits.
Ok Randall- that was just unnecessary. I’m totally serious, the friggen office is now peaking in my door.
Jeez it’s taken me 5 minutes to type one line you bastard.
bucslim:
“I wish I knew how to quit you beaver.”
Yeah, that’s more poignant.
Cavemen are just funny, is all.
Tell your co-workers your medication wore off. That’ll get their lousy noses outta yer business.
More like the Jack Rabbit Hot Squirt is wearing off.
“More like the Jack Rabbit Hot Squirt is wearing off.”
Because the fever broke and you stopped screaming “I SEE JESUS!!!”, right?
“Spider Monkey Skid Mark Mocha”
I’m trying to visualize this – so Starbucks has a spider monkey in a box behind the counter, its ass is sticking out of the box, you order the skid special and they take the paper cup, walk to the monkey’s butt, lift the tail, and coat the lip of the cup by rotating against the sphincter – right? No massaging or anything?
The whole point of using specific bacteriophages is because they’re not virulent to humans. Fearmongering = uncool.
TEX:
Are you some kind of spy for Popular Mechanics? Starbuck’s doesn’t tell its secrets, pal!
I think, however, that some sort of stimulation of the monkey might be necessary. Clearly some process must exist for this…. but you can figure that one out, Mr. Engineer!
I just want to point out that many of these additives are “organic”. All natural no chemicals needed. How is that for a plug for organic food jfrat? Mmmmmm…. delicious.
OMG randall and bucslim are killing me. I’m gonna get in trouble…
I found to my cost that eating (anything) while reading this list makes food taste funny. Avoid.
I never could have predicted that gold and beaver ass would appear on the same list.
71 Randall: That’ll get their lousy noses outta yer business.
Not so fast. There may be a valuable and useful ingredient awaiting discovery in bucslim’s business.
I’ll have you know that beaver ass juice is a vital part of the Canadian economy, and our main export. In these hard economic times, I would urge all patriotic Canadians to eat as many raspberry products as possible.
Hey, even Obama ate a beaver tail when he came to visit!
I am glad to have more reasons to stay away from soda and candy. Strawberry ice cream, though. I mean, did you HAVE to break my strawberry ice cream-loving heart!?
(Fantastic list, though.)
jfrater, thanks so much for this list-it’s so totally disgusting what we ingest..
bucslim/Randall-you’ve given me a great laugh today, loving you guys!
“Hey, nice beaver!” (Channelling my inner Lt. Frank Drebin)
Seriously, tho: eeeeewwww!
I mean, holy cow. That’s it. Going on a diet. No more poop, bugs, cigs, beaver butt or borax.
But I’m keeping my varnish, thank you very much!
Mom424 (30): If you google “coal tar head lice” you will find a large number of sites that advocate or describe the use of coal tar shampoos for head lice
“Who wants some strawberry ice cream!!!?”
“I do!!!”
TEX (63) and the others asking about pepper and strawberries, they make an excellent combination (as do strawberries and balsamic vinegar). I wrote about it on this list.
It is a good thing I don’t work in an office – the comments here have kept me laughing out loud – thanks guys
I see another 10 funniest LV comments list coming one day soon
who came up with poop perfume? or poop and strawberries?
i wonder a lot bout why we eat some food. like milk. who worked out that the liquid coming out of a cow would work with civet coffee?
MMMMM Raspberry flavoured beaver ass.
This was quite the list; at least I wasn’t eating anything! All I know is, the next time a snobby member at the country club I waitress at asks for the raspberry Vinigrette, I’ll have a sick sense of satisfaction, knowing what she’s REALLY eating…muhahahahah
This is a great list. Jfrater your descriptions are hilarious. I almost choked on my water when you were talking about Beaver ass.
Jfrater, I love your frankness. You da man.
So… This is what it’s like having Randall and Bucslim on speaking terms? Maybe we should go back to the good old days when they could barely stand the sound of each others’ names.
Just kidding, you guys never fail to crack me up, but today was la creme de la creme!
Beaver ass is actually a well known thing. History confirms french Canadian trappers enjoyed high quality fresh beaver ass on a daily basis in the North Atlantic Wilderness.
ah, the mystery of my daughter eating her poop as a baby is now solved. She was trying to enhance the flavor of her food! eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww……….the only ones on that list i knew about before were the gold and the bugs. But geez, why do we use so much poop in our food??
coz people who make food think we’re rabbits
Ew ew ew ew EEEWWWW!!! So gross!!
….. Yunno what’s even worse then reading this list? Knowing that *knowing* these things is not enough to put me off of eating my favorite foods.
This is why I am so glad I dont actually know what’s in what I eat
I bet hotdogs have disgusting things in them
Wow, I dont think I will ever eat again!!!
An Australian man was charged with eating a platypus. The man denied it and due to lack of evidence, the charge was dismissed. The magistrate later encountered the man in the foyer and said “Tell me, mate, what does platypus taste like?” The man said “Well, it’s sort of like a cross between wombat and koala”.
Yes Jamie, but they don’t work. I had kids; I know.
http://www.caringforkids.cps.ca/whensick/HeadLice.htm
#85 STL Mo – the next line is even funnier – “Thanks, I just had it stuffed”
Anywhoo, wasn’t there a cheese made with maggots – and the better tasting version is where they leave the maggots in it?
Mom424: okay – I will take your word for it
Never use hotdog & disgusting in the same sentence. Hotdogs rule FTW.
Whatever magic spices are in hotdogs to make the *****ty meat taste so delicious should be put in all food
@105 BucSlim: This is what you’re thinking of
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_marzu
I’m pretty sure the only way I would eat that is with some of the African hooch with added battery acid that 43 Blitzen mentioned.
and i thought i heard everything then i find out I ate poop
I guess one day manufacturers can put evil spirits in wine
zigra- that`s some wierd cheese. I`ll take some without maggots please.
I`ll bet that cheese would be good on a hotdog with a bit of beaver chili.
Lists such as this one remind me why I have always, yes, always, made everything we eat from scratch. When my kids were small that included going so far as to grinding my own flour from organic grains, yogurt from starter that was good as gold, and no prepared foods ever, but never, entered our home.
Now that it’s just my husband and me we follow the same routine, barring making all of the bread from scratch, and buying our yogurt. Everything else is home grown or organically grown and prepared from scratch.
Lists like this scare me. I have no desire to eat “dung” or “gold” or “shellac” or, god forbid, “beaver butt”. I’m very picky about whose butt I eat, and will continue to be selective about this most intimate of acts.
So I guess I get no answers to my questions again huh?
Here’s what I tell people.
You find something in your food. It’s something really disgusting. Don’t worry, you’ve already eaten plenty more things that are far far worse, and never even known. This list is a good example.
I just don’t want to eat again. At all
I like to mix all of the above in a big bowl and make cookies
i’m just adding a comment because i think its funny that davo in 117 is similar to my nickname
Long before the Darwin awards there were the Bucsklunk awards.
beaver’s ass for president
woo hoo