They are supposed to be cathedrals of higher learning. In recent years,colleges have revamped their course structure to pave the way for some unusual courses to be incorporated into the curriculum. While some of them may have dregs of intellectual inquiry, others are downright bizarre.We take a look at some courses which may make you wonder if that beer pong championship your son enrolled in is not such a bad thing after all.
A mandatory course for some freshmen at Occidental College, ‘The Unbearable Whiteness of Barbie-Race and Popular Culture in the United States” tries to explore ways in which “scientific racism has been put to use in the making of Barbie.” Elizabeth Chin, the instructor of this course warns students that the course itself is no child’s play. With assigned readings ranging from Sandra Kisneros to Karl Marx, the course incorporates some pretty hardcore academic content. Nevertheless, a course on race which describes the whiteness of Barbie as unbearable seems incredibly unscientific. Wonder if this course was offered when a certain gentlemen named Barack Obama was roaming the corridors of this West Coast institution.
Since such an important aspect of everyday living must have theological implications, Loyola college decided that the inextricable link between God and eating was to be explored. Students are taught the ‘complex religious aspects associated with eating’, exploring the texts to expound the intricacies of etiquette in a canonical context. The evolution debate may not have been decided, but common sense predicts problems for those who do not eat a balanced diet. However, if free servings are part of the deal,it may help all those poor souls dissect (food) theology.
Occidental college makes another appearance on the list, this time for the accommodation of stupidity. Of course, the word refers the name of the course rather than a quality possessed by its students. The course itself uses works of Friedrich Nietzsche and Gilles Deleuze among others to clarify that ‘stupidity is neither ignorance nor organicity, but rather, a corollary of knowing and an element of normalcy, the double of intelligence rather than its opposite’. Only those who indulge in it must know.
No matter how useless Garbage sounds, Virginia Matzek of Santa Clara University will try to change your impression of it. A ‘science class for non science-majors’, the Joy of Garbage is apparently a ‘serious class where students are required to do research and learn how to work with data’. Among the questions asked are “What is the difference between ‘garbage’ ,’discard’ and ‘waste’?” and “What could be a better title for the course?” ‘The Joy of Wasting time’,perhaps?
The Rhode Island School of Design attracts aspiring artists and designers from around the country but it is inconceivable to think that some of them might want to ‘lust with the saints and burn with the sinners.’ However, if any one of them accepts the invitation, they can spend the semester analysing the moral dimensions of the works of classical as well as modern artists. Being the artsy school that RISD is, the course and the teacher should have a cult following.Well, different strokes for different folks.
Philosophy students at Georgetown University read works by Aristotle, Kant and others. However, its done under the pretext of understanding the philosophical depths of Star Trek.
The course serves as an introduction to metaphysics and epistemology philosophy,and tries to dissect the major philosophical questions which come up in the science fiction entertainment drama. Another proof that the ingenuity of educators has conjured ways of teaching which were hitherto unknown.
The American South is still the bastion of conservatism and evangelism, but that doesn’t stop them from trying to expound Zombies. The credit for this pioneering course must go to Sean Hoade, professor of English at the University of Alabama at Tuscaloosa, who draws parallels between American consumption patterns and Zombies. His observation that ‘zombies act as a mirror for Americans, not only as we see ourselves but also as the rest of the world sees America in the time of George W. Bush: as a roaming, voracious killer turning its victims into soulless creatures like itself’ may be a little far fetched, but his students are not complaining.
Those who decide to attend Alfred University in a bucolic part of Western New York State, may find themselves in a classroom studying the subtleties concerned with the production of maple syrup. The only prerequisite for the course is the ‘willingness to work for long periods in snow,cold and mud’. The production techniques invented by the Native Americans which have endured constant change are dissected, visits to local producers, restaurants and festivals augmenting the process. It’s the Real Thing, so students can find jobs easily with this course on their resume!
The Art of Walking might seem trivial to some, but not to Dr Ken Keffer, Professor of Modern Languages at Centre College, Kentucky. He conducts a class dedicated to the understanding of ‘intelligible and sensual design in inner and outer nature’,first expounded by Immanuel Kant. Apart from the customary walks which he takes with his students to the nearby Perryville Battlefield and the surrounding areas,Dr Keffer assigns freelance walking assignments for students to appreciate the subtleties of walking. Now, where is this college again?
The people at Occidental College decided that in the course of human events it becomes necessary for students to delve into the ‘signification of the phallus’ and the ‘relation of the phallus to masculinity, femininity, genital organs and the fetish’. It being self evident that the phallus occupies a central theme in the psychoanalytic theories of gender and sexuality, the course occupies a pivotal role in the Intercultural and Queer program.All this for a price of about four thousand five hundred dollars.
The only two out of the ordinary courses I had ever heard about that were not on the list is a course on the Harry Potter books thats held at CSU Long Beach. And a program on horror fiction at UC Berkley (now why did I add the latter, well as it turns out, there is a certain book called Twilight (yes guys, THAT Twilight) on the reading list for that class).
I honestly wish I could take those classes. They sound like fun.
Crispin: Thanks! My point exactly. Life is short. Be nice.
@Randall (112): As alway, more people lining up to be your chew toy.
@segues (114): Hiya hun! Nice to see you post. Saw your website. It’s awesome!
Here’s my own addition: a course taught by a theology professor exploring the “religion” that are the Canadiens, Montreal’s century-old ice hockey team:
http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/story/?id=263480&lid=sublink06&lpos=headlines_main
@gabi319 (109): I never said superpowers, but merely comic book hero powers.
Quit trying to weasel your way out of this. I’m an authority, remember?
At least with Peter Parker, he was (still is?) a human upon which the scientific community can study the effects of radioactive spiders on the human body.
I don’t understand why it’s so hard to fathom why, if a guy is bitten by a radioactive spider, that he then gains the “hero power” of spidey-senses. Do I even have to get into the whole walking on walls thing here? I don’t need no college course or your fancy-pants “Physics applications” to explain this to me, when I have a stack of comic books that tells me everything I need to know. For crying out loud gabi, just connect the freaking dots.
I wouldn’t say I’m an authority
That’s painfully obvious.
@Spiff17 (116):
Spiff, I love when douchebags like you pull this *****. You PRETEND to be all Mr. Reasonable and “I’m oh so much more fair-minded and nice a person than the mean old Randall,” while at the same time, out of the other side of your mouth, spitting out thinly-veiled invectives about me or indirectly referencing me. You, like many others I’ve encountered on this site, want it both ways. You want to insult people without being called on it; you want to spit out this or that cheap shot without having it shot back at you. It’s cowardly and despicable.
The fact is you had no reason or need to address me or reference me in the first place. By your own admission, you didn’t much disagree with what I said–you just didn’t like the *way* I said it. Well too bad. But at best what you could have done is to engage me on that point in an open way. But you chose not to; rather, you chose to write an insulting comment that was clearly ABOUT me, without actually having the balls to address me directly. Then you chose to throw another couple of cheap shots out there, like you were daring me to respond. Well I did. And now you don’t like it and you impugn my character even more. That, quite simply, is douchebag behavior. Through and through.
As I say, this happens a lot on this site. Some dickweed can’t argue with my points, even though they might WANT to, so instead they go after ME. And then they run away and try to pull the old “I’m the bigger fellah because I don’t fight that way” bull*****. Nope, you just toss rocks at someone and then duck behind the bushes and claim to be “the more reasonable one.” Uh huh. Sure.
“No I think you have some points you’re just a friendless dick.”
That’s interesting, that you now feel you can make this pronouncement about a person YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW. You have ZERO knowledge about my life, who I am, what I do with my time, etc. etc., but nevertheless, you’re suddenly qualified to claim that I am “friendless.” Cute.
But needless to say I am awash in friends and family who love me, Spiffy. It gets to be embarrassing sometimes, I am so adored. You, on the other hand, perhaps live in a basement somewhere and have only the rats for buddies. I don’t know and I don’t wanna know. I have no aspersions to cast in that vein, because I DON’T FREAKIN’ KNOW YOU.
It’s funny how they always fit the pattern. Can’t answer anything, so the next step is to go for the irrelevant personal attack. I must be a friendless dick. Yup. Uh hum.
“…you’re obvious intelligent and know what you’re talking about. I won’t argue that.”
Nope, they never do. Because I DO know what I’m talking about. Nice, at least, that you, and others, can recognize THAT. But there’s always this little cadre for whom it doesn’t increase their respect or their self-awareness.
“But for all your knowledge you’ve apparently never heard of something called tact.”
You will lecture me on TACT now, when you were the one to throw the first volley in this? And backhandedly at that? Sorry, tact is reserved for those who deserve it, Spiff. You aren’t on my list of those who do.
These threads are all just gigantic *****storms. It’s like one light hearted list can’t even break up the string of Internet-user *****fits and arguments. Take a break, this list was fun. I expect it from the controversial lists, but for *****’s sakes, this one was a goofy lighthearted easy read! And you fat load of idiots have to spoil it. Grow up, it’s a freakin’ Internet blog, and this one was hardly a hotbed of disagreement and controversy. You people just grasp at straws all day.
I have actually heard of a bass fishing class at Georgia Southern University. I dont go there but a friend of mine mentioned it cuz she knows i love to fish.
@segues (114): Welcome back Segue, so nice to see you. I’m glad your photo project is coming along – I’ll have to take a peek.
Randall – nice to see you back in form too. I agree that acquiring knowledge, under whatever moniker you like, is a good thing. Not to be sneered at.
@ianz09 (127): And this would be a problem how? At least we get a little more thought than lulz, gr8, and a bunch of racial/anatomical insults.
@Spiff17 (118):
“I honestly didn’t mean to start a debate with you.”
I see. So what DID you mean to do? Wise of you not to “start a debate,” since you haven’t debated one single thing that I’ve said, just hammered at my persona… but then what DID you mean to do by posting this:
“…I think that some people just like to be negative cause they’re bored and it makes them sound smart. …And try having a bowel movement, it’ll help you relax…”
All of this was insulting.
“I’m not into peacocking my intellect in order to impress people.”
Nope, you’re just into backhanded little digs at people, that you hope to not have to answer for.
“So you can write another novel (where a comment would suffice)”
Another tired old criticism that gets pulled out when someone really has nothing of their own to say, except crap. If you didn’t give me things to respond to, I’d have no reason to respond. And if you don’t like my lengthy comments, no one has put a gun to your head and made you read them. Move on to something else or someone else and ignore me.
“…in an attempt to prove your superiority to me…”
I hardly thing it was merely an “attempt.” I think the point was proven.
The zombies one looks great! I would love to take that class!
I think I’m gonna go to a two-year college though.
I wish they would teach some of these classes in high school!
@crispin (120):
“…I have noticed many of your comments on listverse and it seems you take a sick glee in touting your own amazing intelligence and mastery of academia while viciously attacking anyone who dares question your authority on the matter.”
I wouldn’t call it a SICK glee… but I do, sometimes, amuse myself, yes. And amuse others. I know both to be true. If you don’t find me amusing, you’re welcome to skip my posts or change the channel. There’s other ***** on.
“…If you’re such a brilliant prodigy, don’t you have better things to do than banter on silly threads about lists?”
In fact, I do. I’ve been up to my neck in work the last month and a half, as anyone here who’s a regular could tell you, because I just haven’t been around this site much. I come here to entertain myself and others, blow off a little steam, engage in some witty banter and teach people a thing or two. But oh yes, on balance I am a busy little bunny with lots on my plate, crispin. Indeedy.
“Your arrogance seems to reveal a deep-rooted emotional insecurity.”
ANOTHER AMATEUR PSYCHOLOGIST steps up to the plate. It’s amazing how people think they can cough up ***** like that, and expect even for a moment that it will be taken seriously—by your intended target or by anyone else. You don’t know me IN THE SLIGHTEST. You know only this persona I present here—a persona which is, by design, a bit of an *****—but ever and ALWAYS a fair-minded, truth-bearing, honesty-espousing ***** with things to say. I had something to say about this list. I didn’t like it because I felt it was A) badly conceived and B) had a bad agenda to pursue. The former is perhaps, to many, a trivial point. (But bad lists make a bad site, now, don’t they?) But even so, the latter is, to me, a very important point, and one that is most definitely NOT trivial. Yes, in part because it’s my profession… but that really has nothing to do with it. There is a HINT of a philosophy here that I don’t at all like, and I think any thinking person shouldn’t like.
“…I feel sorry for you as I imagine you are a sad, lonely man…”
MORE irrelevant AND unfounded psychologizing. Quit it. It’s wrong, off-base, off-kilter, and makes you sound idiotic. I am neither sad nor lonely; in fact I rather enjoy my life and its wonderful social aspects.
“…especially if you treat your friends and family like you do people who make comments on listeverse.”
Ah, but you see–I don’t. That’s a leap—an unfounded one—that some people here make. As you have made. And it’s effed up and stupid, to make a leap like that. The internet isn’t your family or your friend or a true “social setting,” crispin. It is THE INTERNET and nothing more. It is a virtual world of virtual personalities. The real world and the virtual world are of course related—but they aren’t equivalent.
Nevertheless, yes, I take a stand on certain things. If you don’t like the stand I take, you’re welcome to look away. You don’t talk back to the television (or do you) if you don’t like the way things are said or done on it. This is no different. This is not “society,” here.
@kayleyrae (132): I guess they wouldn’t have the courses if no one signed up
@mom424 (130): It’s a problem because in the midst of the controversy as of late, having a list that was meant simply to garner “lulz” and “gr8″ comments was a nice change of pace. But I expect nothing less, it is just annoying. Everybody has an opinion, and loves to express it. Including myself, hence my “I think you are all being immature and your arguing is unnecessary” rant. But each to his or her own, I guess. Just making an attempt at making a point. I have no desire to argue with you or anybody else about this point, so rest assured that if you fire back, I won’t retort. It’s just annoying to have read “I’m right you’re wrong” minutiae and insults for more than a week straight. I enjoy the website, but this is getting a tad out of hand. Sometimes, you just a little No Thinking Required entertainment, which I had assumed this was, hence my previous (dare I say, potty-humor) comment revealing my over-joy at a class called “Phallus”. Now, the joke is ruined for me. Again, no offense intended, nor do I intend an argument with you, but it’s annoying me, and typing that comment made me feel good about expressing my opinion, although between you and me, I assume it will not do any good at all.
@Spiff17 (122): Be nice.
Why? I appreciate honesty – however brutal – far more than niceties. During my first year as an art major, one of my professors (my favorite as it turned out. I even hung out at her house after I graduated) bluntly told me I’ve got talent but no ambition. She followed that with “You should consider dropping this major.” Definitely no soft, soothing words. None of that namby pamby *****. And I respect her all the more for it.
@Randall (112): Well….. cuz….. he’s BATMAN
@Maggot (125): I don’t need no college course or your fancy-pants “Physics applications” to explain this to me, when I have a stack of comic books that tells me everything I need to know.
…….um….excellent explanations…..
sheesh. That should teach me to get in between guys and their picture books and little dolls….
before responding…take a deep & calming breath so I can have a second or two to duck and cover. …and to actually get some work done today, lulz.
Maggot and Gabi:
Can’t we all just agree that Superman and Spiderman are irrelevant, and that it’s BATMAN who matters here? For god’s sake, you’re tearing this family apart!
BTW, when I was 7, I was bitten by a third-rate radioactive insult comic at a club in the Catskills. It hurt. A lot. I developed the proportional strength of an old Jewish guy with a paunch and a cheap suit. (My bubbeleh said I should suck it up and live with it. She hated me, that woman). I’ve tried many times to take my story to Marvel, but Stan Lee just keeps kicking me out of his office.
@ianz09 (135): It’s just annoying to have read
I hear that. I just look at the pictures.
@Maggot (138):
“I hear that. I just look at the pictures”
You know *very* well that’s because you *can’t* read.
That’s why you’ve always asked me to *tell* you what’s in those little balloons coming out of the mouths of Daredevil and the Green Lantern and the Silver Surfer. “What are they saying, Randall? I don’t have my glasses.” Uh huh. Sure.
@Randall (137): it’s BATMAN who matters here
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but Batman has no super powers. He’s just a guy in a bat suit. Wake up. He does have a cool car though.
when I was 7, I was bitten by a third-rate radioactive insult comic at a club in the Catskills
I just KNEW that your ability to “take a sick glee in touting your own amazing intelligence and mastery of academia while viciously attacking anyone who dares question your authority on the matter” was a super power.
@Randall – Fair enough, I suppose. You’ve totally pwned another virtual entity. Way to go. I notice you didn’t respond to my request for some humility. Honestly, I don’t really care what you do on here, but I think one thing is absolutely certain–you come across as a pretentious dick. If winning trivial battles on listverse is more important to you than tact, then be my guest. Just know that at least a few of us find your comments to be made in poor taste and from an eerily megalomaniacal mind. ‘Nuff said.
I don’t mean to be whiny, but could someone put up a warning sign on here? Picture #1 being the reason.
@Maggot (140):
No, the creepy fat guy down the street at the ol’ neighborhood in Brooklyn who dresses up for Halloween is “just a guy in a bat suit.” BATMAN is f**kin’ BATMAN, dammit! He’s Batman in AND out of the suit.
And don’t get excited about that, perv.
“I just KNEW that your ability to “take a sick glee in touting your own amazing intelligence and mastery of academia while viciously attacking anyone who dares question your authority on the matter” was a super power.”
But it has such limited *use*….
Seriously, a few summers ago, my daughters were swimming in the lake with me, and they were goofing around, pretending to be superheroes and such… and my youngest, who at the time was about 9, came up out of the water with her hair all reversed, so that it was up over her head and down in front of her face. And she says, “I AM FLAPFACE!” (like some Dick Tracy villain). And so I say to her, what’s your superpower, Flapface? And she says, “My superpower is, I can’t see when my hair is in front of my face!”
Well, we all cracked up at the time….
@crispin (141):
“Fair enough, I suppose. You’ve totally pwned another virtual entity. Way to go.”
YAY ME!!!! I love me.
“I notice you didn’t respond to my request for some humility.”
Request Denied. How’s that?
“Honestly, I don’t really care what you do on here,”
You cared enough to write about it. Wasting my time and yours. I suggest you find another hobby.
“…but I think one thing is absolutely certain–you come across as a pretentious dick.”
Oh, I wouldn’t say that’s “absolutely certain.” I’d say that’s more your worthless opinion. Shall we take a poll of the audience?
“If winning trivial battles on listverse is more important to you than tact, then be my guest.”
It’s certainly more important to me than being lecture by the likes of *you,* that’s for damn sure.
“Just know that at least a few of us find your comments to be made in poor taste and from an eerily megalomaniacal mind. ‘Nuff said.”
HA HA HA… so now I’m a *supervillain?* I can live with that.
“eerily megalomaniacal mind?” And *I’M* supposed to be the pretentious one here?
And who says “‘Nuff said”? What’re you, narrating a Fantastic Four bout with Galactus?
@Randall (143): He’s Batman in AND out of the suit
Oh come on. Even his so-called sidekick is a little light in the loafers.
And don’t get excited about that, perv
Well frankly, I was starting to hyperventilate a little. Let’s just keep that between us, ok?
this list reminds me of a film called “Accepted”
check out the movie. you’ll see what i mean.
@gabi319 (136): and little dolls
ahem…ACTION FIGURES…ahem
I don’t know why I have to keep explaining this to people.
LOL I love the picture for number 1.
Randall. I have now realized that I literally am wasting my time replying to you. Somehow I feel compelled to out of some sort of competitive streak of human weakness I suppose. I won’t make that mistake again. This will be my last reply so as to save the rest of those reading this exchange the pain of having to scroll through another 10 pages of irrelevant, self-glorifying negativity that you keep spewing out. You see, I have something called a life. And in no way is it improved by exchanging barbs with a self-obsessed weirdo that gets off on childish things like this. My advice to you is shut off your computer, call a friend, if you have none maybe go out tonight and meet some people. Maybe find a girlfriend, or boyfriend if that is your preference. If dissing lists on listverse is how you feel good about yourself then thats nothing other than sad and I should not have gotten into this anymore than I should have an argument with a mentally challenged child. I will formally call you the winner of this exchange, not because I actually believe this to be a competition, but because it strikes me that you’re life might be somewhat sad and I hope that might bring you some joy. But for your own good you need to start finding joy in other things. Things that when you lie on your death bed you can look back and say “Yeah, I did something good with my life that improved the lives of others and made a positive difference in the world.” Otherwise you will die a lonely old man with an ulcer and a sour face with nothing to look back on but acts of arrogance, selfishness and negativity. I should not assume to know you as well as I am implying. I don’t and so for your sake I hope that I am far from correct. But if that is the case then you have grossly misrepresented yourself sir. Have a great day!
Great idea for a list Dash!
I would totally take the Philosophy and Star Trek course. The walking one probably wouldn’t be half bad either, considering that I love the philosophy of Kant.
@Randall (144): HA HA HA… so now I’m a *supervillain?* I can live with that.
shhhh….or else Batman will hear you!
@Maggot (138): You learned that from penthouse, right?
ba-dum tish!
Gaby319: I agree, honesty is important. But we can be civil. Tell him what you think but that can be done without vehement negativity and self-glorification. Why do I care you ask? Haha, I’m not sure and probably shouldn’t even post on here anymore. Attacks on negativity apparently upset people(??).
gabi319: Sorry for misspelling your name in the last post.
A college course on phalluses?
I bet the lecturer is a real prick!
Really good list. I bet there are enough courses that there could be a part 2.
@oouchan (153): You learned that from penthouse, right?
I’ve been known to read a Penthouse Forum letter or two on occasion. Purely for scholastic reasons though.
@astraya (156): People only think that because he’s cocky.
Yes, her name is Sandra Cisneros…not Kisneros.
@astraya (156): His name is Richard P. Johnson…
Think about it.
I took the History of Funk and the History of the Rolling Stones in university they were music history classes and they were well taught and totally interesting (complete with cover band performance project)…I guess it’s no different than taking a course on Mozart really….If the instructors are credible some courses that sound silly at first can be just as beneficial as taking any other history course…(as an option) I was a theatre major so our final project was *****ing awesome because we had access to all the costumes and performance spaces and even some dry ice mist…we also learned about dicks alot in dramatic lit. and art history
@ianz09 (161): His name is Richard P. Johnson…Think about it.
Did you know there’s a NFL player for the Raiders named Richard Seymour? And a baseball player for the Cubs named Rich Harden. Not that I spend my time thinking about such things…
Randall… sounds like you need a gram of Soma. No offense.
Spiff17 and crispin’s points are made stronger with every post Randall submits. The longer his post, the stronger their point.
As for Randall’s challenge of polling the audience (back in comment 144) – i vote that Randall is a pretentious dick.
Anyone else?
BTW, interesting list – have heard of the Super Powers one, the Harry Potter one and the History of *****. Any of them would be kinda cool.
@Randall (144):
I know it’s been said but, its true Randall, you are a *****ing idiot.
I am in disbelief that you are a teacher, and so we can assume at least around the forty mark, and yet still see fit to use terms like ‘Dickweed’,'Stick it in your ass’, and ‘douche’. The vocabulary of an angry thirteen year old.
Also,
‘consider the rash action you have committed by choosing to insult me in this manner’
….What? What are you a *****ing wrestler, who in Gods name talks like that. The feeling I get whilst listening to you waffle on Randall, is one which i’m sure many others have had to experience. It’s a crushing feeling of exasperation that, because the image you have of yourself is so wildly distorted, you will never truly know what a prick you are. It’s one of the great crimes of our age.
@janus (165):
I am also going to place my tick in the ‘Randall is a pretentious dick.’ box.
@jackson (25): Actually, the picture is of syrup made by they Highland Sugarworks, and they are located in Websterville, Vermont.
@archiealt (166): The feeling I get whilst listening to you waffle on Randall…
Mmmmm waffles. I vote for those (sorry Randall). Drenched in melted butter and smothered with real Vermont maple syrup.
Randall and Spiff17: Wow guys reading that whole thing was more interesting than the *****ing list itself. That amused me terribly. Spiff: yeah he could be cooler but most smart guy are eccentric and kinda jerky i think.
Randall: Damn man you a smart mofo. I believe intelligence is important in this world… i thought i read somwhere Issac Newton was kinda of jerk.
I think Listverse should start selling Team Randall and Team Spiff17 shirts. It could cut down on some advertising, especially those “helloooo?” smiley ones.
I go to Eastern Michigan University and they have a Harry Potter class. It counts as a humanity credit…
@Spiff17 (149):
Spiff, you are really a piece of work. You have the *gall* to call ME pompous and ***** retentive, after that last bit of bull***** you just spewed out? Do you READ the crap you write, or do you just move on without bothering about pesky things like “sense” and “rationality”?
And I could have predicted this next tactic you’ve employed–seen it a dozen times before. “This is my last reply to you, Randall.” Yup, just to show off to everyone that you’re the “reasonable” and “grown-up” one here. Well no one’s buying it pal. I’m certainly not. You started this, and the simple fact is that rather than face up to it, or even admit that you were wrong (you were–so very badly) you just keep upping the ante of personal attacks on ME, rather than trying to delve into any actual relevancy.
And I LOVE how phony douchebags like you go through these personally insulting diatribes based on NOTHING, and then end your spew of invective with bull***** like “have a great day” as if, once again, to *show* everyone that you’re the “bigger” one here, the great big adult. Phony, transparent, and, as I said, nobody’s buying it, jerk.
“I have now realized that I literally am wasting my time replying to you.”
Great. Too bad you didn’t realize this sooner so you never opened your mouth and wasted MY time–yours might not be valuable to you, but mine IS to me.
“Somehow I feel compelled to out of some sort of competitive streak of human weakness I suppose. I won’t make that mistake again.”
Listen to yourself. Pompous? You’ve got that market *cornered,* Spiff. The phony introspective tone, the nonsense of pretending like you only fell into this back-and-forth with me out of some “weakness” in you—as though, once again, it’s all about how mature and reasonable you are, except when driven to “trying too hard” to get through to another.
PUH-LEEZE.
“This will be my last reply so as to save the rest of those reading this exchange the pain of having to scroll through another 10 pages of irrelevant, self-glorifying negativity that you keep spewing out.”
And again, Spiffy, the self-glorification is all on you, moron. I have a sense of humor about this *****. I’m serious, but I can be lighthearted about it too. You, on the other hand, are so full of yourself and take yourself so seriously that you must make birthday parties seem like funerals.
“…You see, I have something called a life. And in no way is it improved by exchanging barbs with a self-obsessed weirdo that gets off on childish things like this.”
Ah, here we go (again) with the phony, cheap amateur psychology. I’m a gigantic loser without a life. Yup. You betchya, Spiff. Boy you have an insight. You must be close to Buddha-hood.
“My advice to you is shut off your computer,”
Ah, Spiff, I wish you’d never turned yours ON today. Trust me.
“call a friend, if you have none maybe go out tonight and meet some people. Maybe find a girlfriend, or boyfriend if that is your preference.”
You know what *****head? I don’t need your advice on what to do with my life and time. It goes without saying that I have lots of friends, a loving family, and even my ex-es love me. I have two great, fantastic kids that I’m immensely proud of, both of whom, at ages 15 and 11, are already far more intellectually advanced and interesting than you’ll EVER be. My social life is nicely full, ladyfriends and all.
See, the reason why people DO like me, Spiff, is that unlike you I am not a phony. I don’t speak out of both sides of my mouth, pretending to be Mr. Reasonable while at the same time dissing people without expectation of consequences. I stand for things, make a point of facing up to it like a man when I’m wrong, and stick up for a point when I know I’m right. People respect that *****. They do NOT, in fact, respect the kind of false, mealy-mouthed BS you dole out, nor the kind of self-satisfied attitude you’ve evinced since you started all this.
“If dissing lists on listverse is how you feel good about yourself”
Well you’ll be happy to know it isn’t, Spiff. I feel good about myself because of the happy and fulfilling life I lead. Professionally, personally, artistically, parentally and otherwise. This is a diversion to me, an amusement and at times a service, when I can offer up some knowledge on this or that topic.
You, by contrast, clearly feel good about yourself by behaving like a sanctimonious jackass. Which is what you’ve done here all day today.
“…then thats nothing other than sad and I should not have gotten into this anymore than I should have an argument with a mentally challenged child.”
Get over yourself, goofball. You’d think you’d wise up to how much you’ve embarrassed yourself here—trust me, you have—but you don’t seem that self-aware or capable.
“I will formally call you the winner of this exchange, not because I actually believe this to be a competition, but because it strikes me that you’re life might be somewhat sad and I hope that might bring you some joy.”
OMIGOD what freakin’ PHONY ASS BULL*****. Nice try, Spiff. Nice try. But you aren’t in a league to even SOUND like you’re getting away with this nonsense. The only thing bringing me joy at the moment is the thought that in a few minutes I can be done with this and get back to important *****, like chatting with my neighbors and sharing a glass of wine or two with them, and reading a good book.
“…But for your own good you need to start finding joy in other things. Things that when you lie on your death bed you can look back and say “Yeah, I did something good with my life that improved the lives of others and made a positive difference in the world.” Otherwise you will die a lonely old man with an ulcer and a sour face with nothing to look back on but acts of arrogance, selfishness and negativity.”
You are truly *****ing unbelievable. Offensively unbelievable, but it’s so over the top that I can only laugh. I come home every day to a beautiful home with great friends and neighbors all around, on weekends my kids, and a lovely lake right in my backyard with a beach, trees, and my waiting sailboat. I have my work, my writing, and the satisfaction of being a good friend and, I think, a great parent.
So stick your phony-ass pontificating up your ass, dick.
“I should not assume to know you as well as I am implying.”
AS WELL?!! You don’t know me AT ALL, jackass! You don’t even realize how hugely and stupidly you’ve put your foot into this.
But really, *I* should be the one to show some understanding here, because clearly this kind of BS is all you’ve got. Maybe *you’re* the friendless, lonely dweeb you’ve been trying to paint ME as. I dunno. I can’t and won’t say, because unlike YOU I don’t go around on the internet or anywhere else, pretending to make portentous statements about people I don’t even know.
Do us both a favor and shut up and think about all this for a bit, and make an EFFORT, at least, to learn something from it and grow up a little.
Really? We could have teams and tshirts?? I did promise I wasn’t going to continue the spat but if we’re gonna make a sport of it I suppose I could come out of retirement!
Haha, but seriously. It was getting sad.
@damien_karras (41): The list of classes that you quoted is part of an essay called “Spring Bulletin” by Woody Allen from his book “Getting Even.” The whole book is great, and so is “Without Feathers,” another of his essay collections. He is one of my favorite comedy writers.
@janus (165): As long as we’re taking the poll, I vote that Randall is a real treasure and I thoroughly enjoy reading his comments. He is intelligent, witty and never afraid to stick his neck out for what he believes. I would be very sorry if he were ever to leave us.
Segue: I’d love to see your website! What is the address? You can PM me if you don’t want to put it in this list. It’s good to hear from you again!
@oouchan (153): Good one!
Yes, this is getting very sad. Keep it up, Randall, this is hilarious. I can’t believe you care enough to keep posting longer and longer insane replies. Do you ever let anything go? Also, if you haven’t noticed, my “worthless opinion” is shared by others. Boy I hope you take each sentence of this post and dissect it in a bizarre attempt to be the “winner.”
Janus and archiealt:
I remember both of you, so don’t give me your crap. You’ve both lost arguments with me on this site in the past, and/or made gigantic fools of yourselves trying to take me on. I called both of you on bull***** you were putting out. And if memory serves, you both used the same phony-ass tactics this “Spiff” has used here, trying to play up at being good, reasonable sorts while the big bad Randall was so nasty and immature. Again, nobody here who knows the facts really buys it for a moment.
The two of you are in a small minority of humorless pricks who don’t like me; well I’d sooner have the dislike of people like you any day over being Mr. Popular to *everybody.*
Randall: So you’re saying if I was a real man I’d continue this ridiculousness unendingly? Hahaha no thanks. I tried to read your last post. I stopped somewhere around the Book of Randall, chapter 156, verse 17. It sounded like you were planning to physically hunt me down and hurt me. Are you honestly high? You have a sense of humor about this? Thats not funny! Thats scary!
@archiealt (166):
You truly are a humorless piece of wood, archie.
“‘consider the rash action you have committed by choosing to insult me in this manner’
….What? What are you a *****ing wrestler, who in Gods name talks like that.”
SEE, now THAT was kinda funny. Good for you, archie, you actually came close to humor. AND you’re ALMOST seeing the point, if only you’d stop being sanctimonious for five minutes and think about it.
“…It’s a crushing feeling of exasperation that, because the image you have of yourself is so wildly distorted, you will never truly know what a prick you are. It’s one of the great crimes of our age.”
And THAT’S almost funny too! I’m heartened. *I* am one of the great crimes of our age! Who wouldn’t be proud of that?
Jesus Christ, for the love of god it amazes me how stupidly thick some people can be.
I have an awesome mental picture of Randall right now, red faced, huffing and puffing and soliloquying off his balcony into the heavens. I bet he wears monacle.
@BooRadley (174):
Thanks Boo. Love the kitty.