Subscribe to Listverse
It is during the process of excretion that a book seems most useful for some people. Somehow, many in our modern culture have embraced the idea of reading while using the toilet. We take a look at some books which are tailor made for that purpose. The subjects range from the seemingly trivial to the a philosophically astute, but always with the characteristic of adaptability to the commode…
Buy it: Buy the Kamasutra at Amazon
Vatsayana may never have imagined his treatise on the art of lovemaking to make this list, but that’s what you get when a book written in the sixth century continues to hold the public imagination. All of the positions, all of the erogenous zones and all of the techniques are explained in so complete a manner that you might spend a lifetime practicing the art. But don’t be fooled into thinking this is a book only about sexual intercourse – Vatsayana’s aim is to set kama (enjoyment of the senses) in the context of a complete Hindu life.
Buy it: Buy 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die at Amazon
Because you won’t read them all, but you will have some idea of what that cute girl who studies linguistics is talking about. A compilation from Herodotus to Halldor Laxness and everyone in between, the book is the combination of recommendations of over one hundred literary critics. The pathway to faking great knowledge? You bet.
Buy it: Buy Poop Culture: How America is Shaped by its Grossest National Product at Amazon
A scholarly investigation into toilet culture, this book is informative, to say the least. The author, Dave Praeger, has delved deep into the depths of this source of national embarrassment and shame to produce an all encompassing study which dares to be funny. And through it all you will witness the history of poop and the various factors which have led to it being such a subject of shame. One thing is for certain, you’ll never look at poop the same way again.
Buy it: Buy The Art of War at Amazon
Wisdom for the battlefield is what Sun Tzu intended his short book to be about, but today the ideas are applied to business, management and beyond. Its application to almost every enterprise is one of the hallmarks of this examination of human behavior, making it a must-have of any bathroom shelf. Lucid and short but with layers of penetrating thought and discerning ideas, it’s an excellent book to reread every once in a while.
Buy it: Buy Grossman’s Cyclopedia: The Concise Guide To Wines, Beers, And Spirits at Amazon
Have you ever wondered how to say ‘Cheers’ in Gaelic or Korean? Did you know why experts always recommend drinking Single Malt Whiskey pure, or with a tiny bit of water, at room temperature? You will find all the answers in this book. You may also encounter Ouzo, Palinka (a Hungarian brandy) and Dongdongju (a Korean liquor) on the way. Need I say more?
Buy it: Buy Make the Most of Your Time on Earth at Amazon
Over one thousand experiences, from spotting lemurs in Madagascar to the camel fair in Pushkar, this book caters to the Phileas Fogg-type characters – those seeking great adventure. You’ll be thrilled, exhilarated and titillated as the authors take you on a journey of those spots in the world where you wish you’d rather be. And what’s more – you can do it from the comfort of your own home.
Buy it: Buy How Soccer Explains the World: An Unlikely Theory of Globalization at Amazon
Whether you call it Soccer or Football, play it in the favelas of Rio or at the foothills of Mt. Kilimanjaro, the beautiful game has influenced millions – and not always for the better as the author of this book, Franklin Foer, claims in his exploration of world geopolitics through the sport. His conclusions may sometimes seem overreaching, but when the regulating body, FIFA, can boast of more members than the United Nations, the arguments seem plausible. Especially in a bathroom.
Buy it: Buy 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die at Amazon
‘Time is the lens through which dreams are captured’ , said Francis Ford Coppola, and what better way to spend time than to rummage through some of the best that moviedom has to offer. You’ll be introduced to Satyajit Ray and Francois Truffaut, reacquainted with Bogart and Bacall and taken on a joy ride with Charlie Chaplin. For romantics there is always Cary Grant’s charisma and Rudolph Valentino’s nonchalant sensuality.
Buy it: Buy Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance at Amazon
Robert Pirsig’s magnum opus, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, was called by the Times Literary Supplement ‘profoundly important, disturbing, deeply moving, full of insights, a wonderful book.’ No wonder then that it was rejected 121 times by publishers before it was eventually published. Perhaps you will need several sessions in the bathroom to get through the whole book, but his discussions stir something in every soul. And along the ride he gives you pearls such as ‘the only Zen you find at the tops of mountains is the zen you bring up there.’ Of course, the same can be said about the bathroom.
Buy it: Buy What’s Your Poo Telling You? at Amazon
‘Know thyself’ said Cereventes, ‘for that is the hardest thing to do’. No philosophical dilemmas here, though. Only Anish Seth and Josh Richman dissecting your poo. Anish is a trained gastroenterologist so take him seriously – if you can that is. Hysterically funny at times, but always educational, the authors have managed to weave a comic masterpiece around a subject which has been relegated to the point of scorn. Tailor made for the bathroom.
Buy it: Buy The Ultimate Book of Top Ten Lists at Amazon
This is a bonus because it is not only good for a bathroom reader – but for any time and place. The Ultimate Book of Top 10 Lists combines all of the best lists from Listverse, and presents them in a very easy to read format. In addition to enjoying many of our lists at times when the computer is not available, every entry in the book has been professionally edited and checked. This is the perfect gift for the person who has everything – and Christmas is just around the door!
1 blabla
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:33 am
im speechless kyahaah
2 Jonny
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:33 am
BOOM!!
3 katie
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:01 am
wouldn’t it be confusing to get aroused while on the toilet (when reading kamasutra)?
4 Swapie
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:10 am
i feel like going for a kaka now
5 zuh.
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:12 am
now i’m set for x-mas and birthday presents for the boyfriend…thanks, listverse! =D
6 Arsnl
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:17 am
Did you test all these books?? And to recommend this books that means that you’ve tested others too?? What was the worst book to read on the can?
Ps palinka isnt quite a brandy,probably a fruit brandy. Palinka is usually made of plums
@katie (3): can someone get horny on the throne?? I think that the shame is so deeply inserted in our culture that it turns off that mecanism. Well except for the fetishes(yuck)
7 lo
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:41 am
hey, you forgot early and rare copies of darwin’s the origin of species
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/oxfordshire/8373250.stm
not what i’d ever call a “bathroom read”, but i wouldn’t put at least 2 titles on the list in that category either, and it appears that languishing on the “bathroom reader” self helped this rare copy survive the recent ages….
weird but true. (which i know we all LOVE, as a concept
)
8 gabi319
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:50 am
Item 5: You’ll be thrilled, exhilarated and titillated as the authors take you on a journey of those spots in the world where you wish you’d rather be.
I don’t know about the rest of you but when I need to go really bad, there’s no place else I wish I’d rather be than on the can. I certainly feel like I’m making the most of my time on Earth there. It’s thrilling. It’s exhilarating. And, yes, it’s titillating.
9 Charlotte
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:55 am
Hmmmmmm, very good.
10 necro_penguin
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:03 am
“It is during the process of excretion that a book seems most useful for some people.”
that has the be the worst opening sentence i’ve ever read in my life. it’s even worse than “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”
11 chubbmeister
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:06 am
@katie (3): @Arsnl (6):
I frequently get horny on the can…
12 TXPnk
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:08 am
I usually just read the paper or a mag.
13 Shagrat
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:13 am
I’m beginning to think that ‘Dash’ is either a coprophiliac, a brown-nose or a simple kiss-ass!
Two books about crap – literally; sucking up to JF by ‘bonusing’ the Listverse Book and finally recommending, at #2 “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: possibly (no, cancel that – DEFINITELY) the most boring, painful and tedious piece of literary shit (ties in with #’s 1 &
it has been my paramount misfortune to have read.
Finally, to recommend ‘Sun Tzu’s Art of War’ as a “bathroom book is so misplaced – why didn’t you recommend Herodotus’s ‘The Histories’, Homer’s ‘Illiad & Odyssey’ or maybe Musashi’s ‘Book of Five Rings’ as well – Art of War is a book that takes many years of study to understand and is NOT, repeat NOT, a ‘light read’.
Even The Kama Sutra is out of place – unless you plan on a little self-experimentation while you are on the toilet (YECCH!)
Sad, sad and poorly researched list.
14 Shagrat
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:15 am
Where the hell did that smiley face come from instead of a parenthesis?
15 Shagrat
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:16 am
Or a number (8)
16 Jfrater
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:22 am
@Shagrat (13): I added the bonus – dash didn’t – so put the blame where it lies
17 Jfrater
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:26 am
@Shagrat (13): oh and I meant to say that books about poop do seem to fit the list – what better time exists to study poop than when making some?
18 Megacrust
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:26 am
Many Indians don’t use the English style design commodes.They use the other type which does not allow reading any book.. and pretty good too..it’s real stupid to read while shitting..
19 El the erf
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:26 am
Seriously Jfrater, you chances of doubling the sales of your book are as good as over.
20 El the erf
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:32 am
I’d probably end up using the Kamasutra as toilet paper.
21 Muscarius
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:37 am
I have never understood how possibly someone can read at the toilet. It takes me always less than a minute to dump my load. There’s no point in even picking up anything different from toilet paper for such a short span of time.
22 Megacrust
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:42 am
@Jfrater (17): I think it’s a real insult to read the book(bonus one and other good ones) while pooping,what dyu say smiley-face man?
23 Megacrust
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:44 am
sorry-read a book i meant
24 BravehisTickle
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:45 am
Chee chee chee what a useless list..
25 stefan
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:48 am
this list ‘shits’ me.. or does it ‘piss’ me off..? im not too sure.
lol ! what inspires someone to write this list haha, cool though.
26 astraya
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:49 am
As a teacher of English to speakers of other languages, I have often wondered what I should teach as the best words for “to urinate” and “to defecate”. The only ones I can think of are either technical (as above), crude or babyish. There seem to be no perfectly standard, widely acceptable words to use.
In my university hall of residence, someone would supply Reader’s Digests.
27 chubbmeister
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:52 am
Jezus, how can people be insulted by someone reading a book, while pooping! This is beyond me! Even if you’re reading a classic masterpiece, what difference does it make if you happen to be seated on porcelain, or on a couch?
Oh, and Jamie’s book would also be excellent stuff to read on the toilet. One list per sitting!
28 Megacrust
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:52 am
Sorry bad english,what I really meant was that reading a book in the loo is an insult to the book. I think such people have no genuine respect for books,don’t you all agree folks?
29 diddy
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:53 am
Some people don’t get off right away, or sometimes you feel like you have to go, but when you get on it takes some time.
30 chrism
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:53 am
Nice list; it’s a serious subject worthy of much contemplation – perhaps its a gender thing? i use maps (russia is in two parts (kalinogrd))- the advert btw is correct and helpful …. more power to your elbow.
31 diddy
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:56 am
Why does it matter where the book gets read? At least people are reading.
32 Firefly
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:57 am
I never understood the concept of reading while on the toilet. I hate when you go to someone’s house and the bathroom has a bunch of magazines and newspapers beside the toilet. I can’t stand the thought of touching a book or something when I know someone else has held it while crapping. Even if they didn’t get any poo on it, still…..
33 Ny
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:57 am
Hmm… that’s quite a shameless plug at the end of that there list, JFrater. Nice list though. Might pick a couple of these up.
34 Arsnl
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:58 am
@chubbmeister (11): thank you for sharing that. My day is complete now
@Shagrat (13):now thats funny:)). Doing research for what books to read on the can. Maybe that could be transformed into a phd subject. Im really struggling to find what criteria one should use to find what books are good. Maybe a short read and a not a particulary interresting book. So art of war bad choice ; 1001 books good choice
35 BravehisTickle
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:00 am
@Arsnl (34): Hey JF is on the prowl,you can make a request to him now,mebbe he’ll reply.
36 oouchan
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:01 am
hahaha! I liked the list. Would like to read 1001 Movies to see before you die. That sounds interesting. I happen to have a book of Poe’s stories in my bathroom.
@necro_penguin (10): Actually I liked the line. It was kinda catchy.
@Megacrust (28): I don’t think so. For example, when I would get totally engrossed into a book, I would walk around the house with it….do chores, fix food and take it with me when I had to go. No insult there!
37 chubbmeister
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:02 am
@Megacrust (28):
No, I don’t agree. Why is it insulting to the book? How and where are you supposed to be, when reading respectfully? Can you read a book, when you’re wearing dirty workclothes? Isn’t that the same?
38 Teemu
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:05 am
I would like to add to the list one of the greatest poop related books ever; “Who Cut The Cheese; A Cultural History of the Fart” Very funny, informative and interesting at the same time. Awesome book.
Check it out.
http://www.amazon.com/Who-Cut-Cheese-Cultural-History/dp/1580080111/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1259751921&sr=8-1
39 chubbmeister
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:05 am
@Arsnl (34):
heheh, sorry mate, somehow you got included in the quote.
(And now I’m reading it back, it almost looked like a serious comment by me, haha)
40 Arsnl
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:16 am
@BravehisTickle (35): i really dont know. People got tired of me asking jfrater for those submarine stories. They might be right. How much can i guy ask that thing with out bugging people really hard. Those are just submarine stories.i may dump it in the can of crappy bad ideas.i guess ordinary people cant change the world. Shawshank was just a lie…. Oh what the hell.
@ jfrater: what about those submarine stories??
Ps : there’s nothing worse that a man with no dreams or hope.
41 Krutz
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:21 am
@Arsnl Thinking of people getting horny on the throne while reading kamasutra on the pot is as revolting as someone eating their own faeces while reading a book on cookery. Laugh out loud.
42 Megacrust
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:25 am
@oouchan (36): @chubbmeister (37): Seriously,do you people think that it’s not disrespectful to the book? Books are meant for education and knowledge and many consider it as a sin to treat a book like that..and reading in dirty workclothes is not the same as reading in the bathroom..Sorry I beg to differ but that’s my personal opinion.
43 diddy
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:30 am
So because you are on the toilet, you are not learning anything or gaining knowledge?
44 Arsnl
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:38 am
@Krutz (41): well i wouldnt go that far but i tried to make a similar point.
@Megacrust (42): why should it be a sacriledge?? Sometimes i liked a book so much i couldnt stop reading even on the can( i did stop to wipe :p) lets not take the shame side of pooping too far. I wouldnt do it in front of my gf but its still a biological need. We shouldnt put pooping in the brown corners of our existence:))
45 undaunted warrior
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:38 am
I will stick to Andy Capp and Flo thanks, been doing it for years now.
46 chubbmeister
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:41 am
@Megacrust (42):
That’s okay, and I’m not trying to convince you or anything (the subject seems to trivial, haha), but I think it’s a little farfetched to consider it a sin to be reading a book on the toilet. I do it all the time
.
As diddy says, I still learn…
47 El the erf
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:49 am
@chubbmeister (46): “I do it all the time”. Begorra! Have you been to a doctor lately?? ..Or maybe you should do a rethink on your daily diet.
48 chubbmeister
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:01 am
@El the erf (47):
Well, there are days…
However, technically I don’t have to relieve myself to be true to that statement; I could just go into the toilet, and start reading
49 Krutz
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:02 am
@jfarter : Tell me those submarine stories asshole, lest I make Kiwi curry outta you. Growl! @Arsnl: Howzzat??
50 Kibey
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:03 am
This list gives me a great idea!!! Top 101 things you should buy from my clickbank account before you die. Gawd I’m f#@king brilliant!
51 Frank
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:11 am
1001 movies is a terrible idea, the book is huge!
52 Maximuz04
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:28 am
I dislike this list and heres why:
10. I think this is a good book…. if you have never had sex and dont know what you are doing. Otherwise this will seem like an amateurs book in my opinion.
8. and 1. Are dumb. I was intregued by the titles in bookstores but noticed within minutes that it was something only mildly interesting.
9,7 the only good recommendations
the rest is lack luster.
Actually although obvious ass kissing, the bonus I think is good too because sometimes I think of things I read on this site while pooping
53 Arsnl
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:29 am
@Krutz (49): i preffer a more subtle approach to it. Subtle and persistent
54 oouchan
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:32 am
@Megacrust (42): Learning? Hardly. Almost all of my books are fiction. I am not going in there to “learn” but to have some mild form of entertainment to keep my mind occupied. Otherwise…I stare a wall. How boring. That’s my opinion.
55 ianz09
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:32 am
Leave it to jfrater to add the shameless plug for the book
56 Handrejka
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:33 am
Is this list based on a source or is it just meant to be funny? I’m afraid the humour is lost on me.
57 Megacrust
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:37 am
@oouchan (54): You can learn from fiction books too..what fiction types do you read,give some examples.
58 Shagrat
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:39 am
JF – YOU put your OWN book in as the bonus: shameful and brazen self-advertising: shame on you!!!
Muscarius (21) You have yet to enjoy the value of “taking one’s time to clear one’s bowels well and reading in peace and quiet: poor child
and
Arsnl – poor choice of team there lad: but brilliant on the submarine stories comment! (sorry, man – I despise Arsene Wenger: now THERE’S a first name to inspire toilet-related activities!!!!)
59 melurker
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:43 am
after a lifetime of doing just that, guess how a library or bookshop affects me.
60 mikerodz
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:45 am
Can’t we recommend newly publish book take from List Verse?
61 oouchan
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:47 am
@Megacrust (57): Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Anne Mccaffrey and ‘Harry Potter’. So I would learn how to be evil, pyschotic, how to fly on a dragon and magic from those books.
That was to mess with you.
I don’t think it’s an insult. Any author would be proud that someone couldn’t even put down their work of art (aka book) long enough to do a basic function as this.
As a side note: I liked the shameless bonus item.
62 Josh V
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:55 am
Where’s Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Series at?
63 techstyles
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:58 am
Calvin and Hobbes should be up there…
Good list though
64 steeveedee
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:59 am
I don’t need a list of what to read while doing number 2. I grab anything available. And if I don’t have anything, I’ll read the labels on stuff under the sink or play games on my iPhone. I just need mindless stuff to occupy the time, so I don’t think “Zen and Motorcycle Maintenance” or “The Art of War” would be good toilet time reads. Thanks.
65 copperdragon
December 2nd, 2009 at 6:11 am
any of the Uncle John Bathroom Reader books are good choices. they are full of tidbits, facts, jokes, long and short stories, reviews, anecdotes, etc.
some religious folks i know read the Bible on the toilet – kinda incongruous i think.
my fav bathroom readers: Iliad and Odyssey
66 randomprecision24
December 2nd, 2009 at 6:23 am
My dad used to have a book, I think it was called the Great Bathroom Book or something like that. It had short excerpts from great books, reviews of movies, poems, interesting short stories, and a section of trivia questions. It was great. Other than that, one of my favorites to read on the john in The Onion’s “Our Dumb World”
67 El the erf
December 2nd, 2009 at 6:28 am
@Shagrat (58): Why not join the bandwagon,eh? It would do our campaign a hell lotta good if someone Jfrater looks up to jumps in.
@jfrater: The movement has just begun, you just wait you..
…
@jfrater: Hey what about those submarine stories??
68 El the erf
December 2nd, 2009 at 6:32 am
Oh damn.. there goes Krutz
69 Zom B
December 2nd, 2009 at 6:35 am
What, Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader didn’t make the list?It’s the pinnacle of bathroom reading material, for heaven’s sake!
70 eminem
December 2nd, 2009 at 6:39 am
n6 OUZO! the best greek drink ever
71 bucslim
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:01 am
Scuse me, but do we really need a list about what to do when you’re doing what you do when you doo-doo?
I’m probably not the one to shout anyone down when it comes to off-color topics, but cripes, a list of things to read in the bathroom? Yeeesh! Even I find this distasteful, uncouth and ungentlemanly. When I become the moral compass for discretion on this website, well then something needs to be fixed and quick.
When I got to the bathroom, I’ve got one thing on my mind and it isn’t Pulitzer, or Hemingway, or Voltaire.
I’ll stop here so you can continue to have a pleasant day.
72 sarah
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:03 am
good on you jamie for pluging your book. Lets not forget, this is jamies site, he has every right in the world to plug his book! Still the most awesome site. X x
73 leithold
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:19 am
kamasutra? while doing number 2? nah, i dont want my pee pee touching the toilet.
74 laurabelle
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:24 am
No Uncle John’s bathroom reader? There is like 25 books in the series, all created to read when you are taking a poo. I’ve definitely seen more of those in any bathroom than any of the above books. Check them out… http://www.bathroomreader.com/
75 Randall
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:26 am
List makes *no* freakin’ sense whatsoever. Basically the list author is saying that you can read essentially ANYTHING in the bathroom. I mean, just pick a book at random, and bring it to the shitter with you.
C’mon. Put some effort into thinking up a list idea instead of settling on the first notion that pops into your little brain while you’re purging last night’s burrito combo.
“Bathroom reads” are by their very nature supposed to be light entertainment or infotainment. The List Universe book fits this (I love mine, by the way… I’ve reread my list twelve times over. I think there’s some other lists in the book, I might check those out later) but the Kamasutra? Puh-Leeze. You don’t read that while you’re voiding your colon. Same goes for a lot of these other books.
C’mon kids, let’s use the ol’ brain box a bit more constructively, okay?
76 Rufus
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:26 am
interesting,
but did you know, reading while you poo can be a bad habit… it makes reading your source of relaxation while you poo, so if you don’t read, you can’t poo, and that’s a problem when books aren’t available in the bathroom
77 DiscHuker
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:26 am
I’m reading this list while on the can.
78 betterthantheoriginalwally
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:28 am
@ astraya (26)
We are in similar professions as I teach English in Japan. I have had the same experiences as my Japanese girlfriend asked me how to say “number 1″ and “number 2″. I told her it was “take a piss” and “take a dump”. It is so funny to hear a quiet, cute Japanese girl tell me “Can we stop driving soon? I have to take a piss” or “The dog likes to take a dump when we go walking”. Yes – I am evil.
79 Randall
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:30 am
@bucslim (72):
You are my little wilting flower. So bashful; so decollete; so coquette-ish.
…your unworthy honeybee.
80 Davy
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:38 am
I was surprised not to see ‘The Defecator’ wasn’t on here.
81 Davy
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:40 am
Nice ..um.. list, by the way Dash.
82 grainwetski
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:41 am
a most curious statement…
“We take a look at some books which are tailor made for that purpose. The subjects range from the seemingly trivial to the a philosophically astute, but always with the characteristic of adaptability to the commode…”
How, exactly, are they ‘tailor made’ for evacuating your bowels? What exactly are the ‘characteristic(s)’ of ‘adaptability’? Are these 10 choices pulled from some research? Has the list’s author read these all while in the bathroom, hence their inclusion and ranking? Are their covers impervious to wilting on the shelf during the steam of the shower? You could walk into a library, pull 10 random books off of the shelves, and they would fit the criteria that seems to have been used: fits in your hand while shitting. Too subjective a topic to use the word “top” in the title. Now quit reading in there and get out, cuz I gotta use the bathroom…
83 bucslim
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:43 am
@Randall (80):
You keep using big words like that and I’m going to take it as a sign of disrespect. Looks like you read Roget’s when you’re dropping the kids off at the pool.
(I was going to say taking the Browns to the Super Bowl, but that’s pedestrian and banausic)
84 missmozell
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:48 am
I’m also surprised it took so long to mention Uncle John. There was a huge Book of Lists (and I think at least one sequel) in the eighties that were something along the lines of listverse. Fascinating. Also in the eighties I found a series of large softbound books. I can’t remember the exact titles, but one was about beginnings (inventions and such), one about endings (extinctions and such) and one was about fads, fancies, and trends. All fascinating. I’d have never known about the ‘hunkering’ fad (college and highschool students squatting on their hams for hours to socialize). Also the Guiness Book of World Records would be great, if a bit hard to handle.
85 Skrillah
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:52 am
@ 58 :
Get the Fuck outta here!!
86 Giantshredder
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:53 am
HEY……….Where is “A Newspaper”? Also “Random Bottles of Shampoo, Cleaners, or Anything in Arms Length with Writing” should be on here. LOL.
87 Randall
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:02 am
@bucslim (84):
When I was seven, I was involved in a freak accident in which the soul of an insufferably self-important columnist for the “New Yorker” was lodged in my peritoneum, just under my ribcage. Medication doesn’t help. Surgery too risky. Violent blows to my abdomen only exacerbate the problem.
“Taking the Browns to the Super Bowl” is of course a marvelous scatological euphemism. You are a genius. It’s a lot more elegant than “emptying the brown bucket” or “laying some cable.”
I prefer, however, “burying a Quaker.”
88 Renegade
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:14 am
I always read Calvin in Hobbes when my plumbing got backed up and I had to spend an unusual amount of time in the bathroom. I guess there’s just something about a little kid that gets tackled by a stuffed tiger that makes it all just come out. Perhaps it’s the mental image of me getting tackled by a real tiger.
89 archangel
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:21 am
I was reading this list in my toilet… pooping. Haha! Welcome to the tech age my friends – laptops!
90 El the erf
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:32 am
@bucslim (84): As Dash says ” During the process of excretion…”
Look now..this ‘process’ is a LOT more complicated than what you (ostensibly having a near perfect digestive system) might perceive.
People usually have to deliver the goods in the mornin’ to avoid any discommode which the bowel might give them later in the day or at work.
We know its our body, but unfortunately we can’t dictate terms to our bowel.
Thus the wait and watch strategy.
Now we can’t simply wait (time is money)… and obviously not watch!
Also we can’t afford having a plush loo with an Lcd and watch superbowl.
Enter books.
Time passes, pressure works up its way and what hath to be done is done.
For you, it might be crash, splatter and bang as soon as you plop on to the seat, but I was talking on a general basis…
But if you wanna try it out, request someone to hand over you yer favorite book and pull the flush lever real hard(while you are on it) and …that should hold ya for a while in place.
As for the one liner…great rhymes. Too bad they don’t consider one liners for the annual poetry awards.
Cheerio!
91 Bob
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:39 am
Who are these people who either a) take so long to crap that they can spend time reading a book or b) have such a short attention span that they can read one or two minutes worth of a book and be happy with that? In other words, are they slow or just stupid?
92 bucslim
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:42 am
@Randall (88):
Big brown man knocking on the back door
Downloading some brownware
Exporting a cigar to Cuba
Full moon over troubled waters
Helping the groundhog find his shadow
Making a Minnesota hand warmer
Singing with Michael Bolton
Updating the Captain’s log
@El the erf (91):
Don’t speak to me. Ever.
93 Gav
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:44 am
“…editorial policy at People Magazine is not to write anything longer than the average crap”. (paraphrased from “The Big Chill”)
The good thing is that UJ’s Bathroom Reader is an obvious pick and if people don’t know about it, they would soon find out from the comments.
94 oouchan
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:47 am
@bucslim (93): My sister always says ‘there’s a turtle’s head ready to come out of its shell’. Stupid, I know, but it cracks me up.
95 Randall
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:47 am
@bucslim (93):
Hatch a new boss
Make a log entry
Release your payload
Bake a brownie
Take a “Schroeder”
Drop a brown trout
96 Heathcliff
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:53 am
When I was a child I would spend many hours in book stores. So long in fact, that eventually I would need to use the stores loo. I have found that since then, in a case not unlike “Pavlovs dog” that I cannot enter a book store without feeling the need to “set free the bears”. How’s that for psychological conditioning?
On a side note; yes, I am currently on the loo as I write this comment.
Flush.
97 Firefly
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:55 am
@ Randall and bucslim: you’re euphemisms for pooping are cracking me up. May I add dropping some friends off at the pool? My boyfriend has one about a brown bear in a porcelain cave. Now if you’ll excuse me I have some *business* to take care of!
98 El the erf
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:06 am
@bucslim (93): I will treasure these words forever.
But for you I remain.
Forever.
Ever.
99 Davy
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:13 am
Randall and Bucslim: hahahaha
My brother used to say he was going “use the ‘cistern’ chapel to float his logs down the river”.
100 Bob
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:26 am
Seriously, you people take more than one minute or maybe two? What is wrong with you? What kind of crap are you eating? Why weren’t you properly trained as children?
101 psychosurfer
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:38 am
This list is incomplete without the “Book of Lists” compiled by the Wallace family and which Jfrater has quoted as an inspiration for this site.
It fed me several Gigabytes of useless data which contributed to mangle my hippocampus.
I spend a lot of time daily at “the throne” and it´s impossible for me to deliver without something to read, sometimes I´ve even had to make use of the shampoo or the tooth paste just to get “in the mood”.
That being said, I´d like to add two of my loyal chaperons:
- “U.S. Armed Forces Survival Guide” by John Boswell
- “Guinness book of records”
102 ames801
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:42 am
I can’t contribute because girls don’t pooh
103 Yondofan12
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:50 am
I find that the “Weird U.S.” books are quite a good read on the toilet. They introduce the right amount of mysteriousness and supernatural events to my bowel movements.
… Favorite Rodney Dangerfield joke: I am perfectly healthy, I have a bowel movement every morning…then I wake up!
104 gr8flddfn
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:00 am
another browser hijack from visiting this site
.
105 Alencon
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:00 am
Ok, you caught me.
I read “God is not Great” by Christopher Hitchens in the john and I’m currently sludging my way through “Why I became an Atheist” by John Loftus.
I highly recommend the Hitchens book if you want to understand where the so-called New Atheists are coming from. So far the Loftus book is meh. He seems more interested, at least so far, in impressing you with how familier he is with various schools of philosophy and theology than in presenting his own hypothesis.
106 w00tz
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:01 am
Why is there no Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader? It’s like. . .the perfect bathroom read!
107 Sharki
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:04 am
I’ve always believed in reading on the can.
Here’s my favorite
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/20th-Century/Lorraine-Glennon/e/9781572152748/?itm=7&USRI=the+20th+century+an+illustrated+history+of+our+lives+and+times
It is a year-by-year history of the last century. I’ve been reading it for the past five years and I just got up to 1998.
108 rocknopera
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:07 am
This list stinks… *Drum hit
109 HAGEN
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:10 am
ExceLlent list!!!!!!!!!!
The bonus LMAO!!!!!!!!
110 plasmatwa2
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:30 am
I love the shameless plug.
111 Spocker
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:43 am
And let’s not forget about internet surfing. That’s why laptops are portable.
112 hizza
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:53 am
Shameless advertising in the bonus section
113 Maggot
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:05 am
@bucslim (84): (I was going to say taking the Browns to the Super Bowl, but that’s pedestrian and banausic)
Well the Browns ARE playing like crap this year. There is no putting a polish on that turd…
114 ouryLN
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:05 am
In bygone days, I read Goodbye, Columbus and Portnoy’s Complaint. They were left there by my brother.
115 teacherman
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:17 am
My wife only “goes” once a month. That’s a scary day at our house!
116 tremblingfingers
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:38 am
I could never read while going. Even magazines. Don’t know why. But I gotta smoke while I poop, can’t do it without a cigarette in my game – is that a strange thing?
117 Skrillah
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:46 am
at ames801; Is it true that you can identify the gender of the creator of the ”pooh” by just studying it?
guess girls don’t pooh, they pour eh?
118 ames801
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:49 am
@Skrillah (120): Not sure…I don’t pooh
119 Samzilla
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:05 pm
@ames801 (105):
Thats why we are so full of shit
Anyways, being a female that does occasionally drop a deuce, there is nothing worse then being a “homebody” about it. Noot doing it at work, or the bf’s house my options are limited. Staying at the guy’s house all the time means I’m paying rent for the toliet privlages.
120 Samzilla
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:06 pm
@teacherman (118): Favorite comment ever!
121 Luv4Tahoe
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:08 pm
“dropping Michelle O. off at the spa”
122 ames801
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:09 pm
@Samzilla (122): Ha! I lived with my boyf (gasp!) for a year and a half before I went while he was in the house. Now that’s restraint!
123 Samzilla
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Wow, I can imagine it, waiting for him to go for a jog or run to the store, “Quick! Before he gets back!” No time for books then…
124 deeeziner
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:23 pm
To those who feel that reading on the can is an insult to the book…Does anyone REALLY know how many books, classic or mundane, have been inspired or mentally written while the authors have been “takin’ care of business”? I think most authors are just honored that their words are appreciated… regardless where.
I’ve been known to bring a good Stephen King title to the toilet, and with the amount of toilet readers IN his books, I like to think he would be amused at me.
Besides isn’t the act of reading material in the toilet another method to gain 15-20 minutes to oneself on the boss’s dime?
125 ames801
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:24 pm
@Samzilla (126): Actually, he traveled a lot for work. So I basically had the house to myself (and my daughter) during the week and then held it in all weekend…not very healthy, I know. Now I just go whenever the feeling hits me. Usually after about my 3rd cup of coffee…
126 Disc Huker
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:29 pm
from my region…
laying some cable
throw a curveball
dropping off the cosbys
helping the economy by giving job security to the sanitation workers
127 deeeziner
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:31 pm
To Randall and Bucslim….Love the terminology….Keep’em coming…
To ARSNL –I’ve been known to aim for the head to sink a sub or two….That’s MY sub story for the day…are we good?
128 psychosurfer
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:46 pm
@tremblingfingers (119): Did that fact inspire your nick?
129 Randall
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:48 pm
@deeeziner (130):
Sluice the deuce
Backing the bus out of the garage
Cleaning out the vertical file
Checking my messages
Clear out some inventory
Waking Winnie the Pooh
Releasing the chocolate hostages
130 mom424
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Premise is pretty good; list items are not for the most part.
I always read whilst on the pot. Calvin and Hobbes or Herman collections being my favorites. Followed closely by the Sunday funnies, Guiness Book of World Records or any of the Readers Digest series – Strange Stories and Amazing facts etc. Of course the Shampoo bottle or Polysporin box will do in a pinch.
131 Amanda
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:55 pm
I would recommend any of the “Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader” books, as well.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_2_9?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=uncle+john%27s+bathroom+reader+series&sprefix=uncle+joh
132 deeeziner
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:03 pm
@Randall (132): Too Cool!!
I shall forever more feel myself the hero, as I “release the chocolate hostages”
Now I have to hang a cape on the towelhook on the back of my bathroom door.
133 Arsnl
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:11 pm
@deeeziner (130): talk about launching a torpedo;)
@Randall (132): “chocolate hostages” thats a good one but it makes me think of brownies in an oven. And thats good.
i usually say ” i need to see a man about a horse”. Its ambiguous. Always leave them wanting for more but i did also use ” ive got a whale that wants to see the ocean”. That goes well with my eco- friendly friends.
134 General Tits Von Chodehoffen
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:19 pm
This is dumb. Taking a crap should not take so damn long. Just read cool stuff when you can sit somewhere nice and comfortable. If it really takes that long a newspaper is all you need.
135 L
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:24 pm
@Megacrust (42): Seriously,do you people think that it’s not disrespectful to the book?
Some books deserve to be disrespected. BBC presents: Stewart Lee on Dan Brown, “Harry Potter and the Tree Of Nothing” and “butt-clenchingly honest” toilet book by Jeremy Clarkson:
youtube.com/watch?v=IjQws4ZYxZA
136 jfrater
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:31 pm
@Megacrust (22): I don’t read when using the lavatory – but I don’t think it is particularly insulting to the book for someone to do so – if they are reading when they otherwise might not, I would say it is in fact a good thing.
Now – despite that, you won’t find any books or magazines to read in either of the toilets in my house because I am not convinced that it is not hygienic – that is my only beef with the idea
137 chubbmeister
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Second thought poop
You’re all done wiping your butt and you’re about to stand up when you realize…you got some more
138 Aurora
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Reader’s Digest (ha!), The New Yorker, and the Sunday Times crossword puzzle.
139 chubbmeister
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Cork poop
Even after the third flush, its still floating in there.
140 deeeziner
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:35 pm
@Arsnl (136): Aw geez Arsnl…You just sank my battleship!!
141 Cactiguy
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:40 pm
1001 series of books are the WORST. In the 1001 Movies to see before you die, for example, the stupid author SPOILS every single movie. In his “Who Shot Liberty Valance” review, he goes right and says “THIS MAN SHOT LIBERTY VALANCE,” which, if you haven’t seen the movie, ROBS you of a great twist.
Also, where’s the Great American Bathroom book, where they summarize classic books into a single page? I’ve been reading them on the loo for years now.
142 Jenni
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:43 pm
I’ve heard a rumor that there are books written specifically for sitting on the john.
The Uncle John….
…get it?
;-D
I love those books. I read them even when I’m not in the bathroom.
143 JTA
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:46 pm
The best bathroom book by far is The Gateless Gate. Contemplating enlightenment through a koan whilst on the can is a beautiful, beautiful thing.
144 susie
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader has a good line of fun, fact-filled books. I highly recommended checking em out to all of you who love trivia
145 susie
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:52 pm
Haha jenni I just saw your comment. I believe I just confirmed the rumor is true. Good teamwork!
146 astraya
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:33 pm
@ bucslim (83): “that’s pedestrian and banausic”
My vocabulary has increased by one. (I looked it up just to make sure.) Now I’ve just got to figure out how to work that word into an intermediate level English lesson.
147 mariecardona
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:54 pm
I actually have two of these books in my bathroom now (‘The Art of War’ and ‘Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance’). Mental Floss magazine is good too.
148 bucslim
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:08 pm
@astraya (146):
That dude Roget is one creative mofo ain’t he?
149 Dale
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:53 pm
i skipped right to number one to see if Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader book were on the list……shame, its prolly the best thing to read when reliving oneself
150 CeeBee
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Archie comics!
151 david
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:25 pm
I hate it when my dick touched the toilet.
152 Xyolon
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:25 pm
… What about trivia for the toilet?
153 tolle
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:30 pm
@necro_penguin (10): I was actually thinking it was one of the best opening lines
154 nuriko
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:35 pm
1,001…
155 anonymox
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:50 pm
this was a decent list, but no list like this is complete without at least one of the manyUncle John’s Bathroom Readers.
156 anonymox
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:51 pm
no list like this is complete without an Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader on it
157 Iakhovas
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:06 pm
I just play little games on the iPhone while I’m dropping the kids off at the pool. Used to read the paper, but would get distracted then realise I had been sitting on the shitter for half an hour….
158 Flock O’Seagulls
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:51 pm
This is a list of books TO BUY, NOT TO CHECK OUT FROM THE LIBRARY–unless you want to thoroughly disinfect prior to reading. I keep thinking of the book that George Costanza was forced to buy from Brentano’s after he took it with him to the bathroom–and when he tried to return it, he found out that it had been red-flagged.
159 smokingfrog
December 2nd, 2009 at 6:31 pm
Does it take sooo long to poop??
i mean some take only a couple of mins to do it!!!
Also in India, no way u cud take a book in the loo with u
everybdy wud just shout “Are u crazy? u will ruin the book!”
Its just tht i think about a lot of things while pooping, so i cudnt concentrate on reading the book anyway. cudnt enjoy the books’ content.
but if i had to read something, then a newspaper tops the list.
160 yeah
December 2nd, 2009 at 6:35 pm
Really stupid list.
161 tattytiara
December 2nd, 2009 at 6:40 pm
Sponsored list, very clever.
162 jfrater
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:00 pm
@Arsnl (40): what submarine stories?
163 Angelina
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:08 pm
Braindroppings by George Carlin. Best. Toilet Read. Ever.
164 trfan
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:16 pm
I don’t read while using the toilet, I read while drawing my bath water and getting dressed. I read any kind of book then. I’m currently on Reindeer Moon by Elizabeth Marshall Thomas (1987).
165 bassbait
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:35 pm
I would have said something scary like Red Dragon so that way you can S*** yourself while reading…
Also, I usually read dilbert.
166 Meg
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:09 pm
@gabi319 (8): That is so true! When you really, REALLY have to go, the best place on earth would be your very own bathroom. XD
167 Nicky
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:19 pm
Wow, feel special…I’ve actually read 2 of these (Art of War, and Zen and…)neither in the bathroom the first time, both in subsequent readings. Great list!
168 El the erf
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:25 pm
@astraya (146): Roget’s is passé. Its WORDWEB all the way now. Just one right click with your thumb holding down ctrl and you have the world of vocab at your feet.
One-love to softwares against books.
169 Vera Lynn
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:48 pm
Flock O’Seagulls (158) I had the same thought. And I was never a huge fan of Seinfeld, but I caught that episode.
170 justiyt
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:49 pm
WHAT!!! NO UNCLE JOHNS BATHROOM READER!!!??!!
171 Vera Lynn
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:19 pm
justiyt (170) Jeez calm the hell down. Its been mentioned at least a dozen times already. No need to shout.
172 Megacrust
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:25 pm
@smokingfrog (159): In India,there are some people who think themselves as western types and read books in the loo.. which is highly un-hygienic and a stupid habit..oh there I go again..
173 Diogenes
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:33 pm
I spent 15years licking magazines for this?
huh?
174 Megacrust
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:39 pm
@jfrater (136): I’m glad that you yourself don’t follow this activity else I would had perceived you as a dirty ol’ man
175 Vera Lynn
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:52 pm
I may bring something in with me, but I dont leave it there. My sis has a veritable library in her bathroom. Bookshelves and all. I dont go near it for obvious reasons stated above. Just seems icky.
176 Megacrust
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:04 pm
@Vera Lynn (175): Don’t you think that when you come out from the bathroom, many harmful germs and microbes are transferred onto the book that you carry in and carry out..?? Isn’t that ‘icky’? I thought ladies are supposed to be all spic n span and ultra hygiene conscious…?
177 Vera Lynn
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:11 pm
Hmm. Im pretty clean. What could get trasnsferred? I wash my hands before (really) and after. Its just a minute or two. Its not like Im in there for a while.
178 Megacrust
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:18 pm
@Vera Lynn (177): A minute or two? I wonder what’s the need to read any thing in such a short span of time?..And how much can one read..maybe 4-5 pages? That’s why I stress that it’s a not-appreciable act.
179 Vera Lynn
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:26 pm
Megacrust (178)You’re funny. Really. I dont do it often. Maybe 2x a year. When I was small, all the time. Id have a ring on my ass.
180 Shifty
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Y’all need to eat more fiber. I can squeeze one out in less then a minute.
The Kamasutra would be appropriate when going number three.
181 Vera Lynn
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:40 pm
Shifty (180) What the hell is number 3? Cumming? I can do that by myself. No toilet or bathroom needed.
182 Megacrust
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:41 pm
@Vera Lynn (179): Good if you don’t do it often..I hope you stop it alltogether..You see people like Bucslim are also personally revulsed by the idea then it means it is something really revolting..watsay?
183 Shifty
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:52 pm
@Vera Lynn (181): There is considerable clean up when I do it so being in the bathroom makes things easier.
184 Vera Lynn
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:55 pm
True. Yet however, he sure has a few very funny terms for pooping. That being said, night y’all. Sleep well.
185 Megacrust
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:59 pm
Sweet Dreams are made of shit..
Who am I to disagree..
bleaaaarrrgh
186 Oe Jay
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:33 pm
Really… the Kamasutra? What sort of freak takes a shit while reading this? You shouldn’t be reading on the shitter anyway.
187 necro_penguin
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:14 am
@oouchan (36): the plague was catchy too, doesn’t mean it was a good thing.
188 Andy
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:56 am
There is already a series of books called the “Bathroom Reader.” There are about 20 of them and they are all several hundred pages divided into small articles on interesting subjects.
If one article doesn’t interest you, you can just turn the page.
I particularly like the fact that every single page includes an interesting fact in small print at the bottom. Merely reading through these will occupy many toilet sessions.
I picked up a lot of useful trivia from these books.
189 oouchan
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:28 am
@necro_penguin (187): That made zero sense you know. Just thought I would mention that.
190 Skrillah
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:22 am
@ samzillah and ames801 : You girls aren’t sluts are you?
191 necro_penguin
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:28 am
@oouchan (189): looks pretty obvious to me.
192 L
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:03 am
@tolle (153):
No, this is best opening line:
“As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it”
193 Caysha
December 3rd, 2009 at 5:30 am
Thought the list was ok, but a little meh. Though the idea of reading works like ‘The Art of War’ a few pages at a time does appeal (I’m thinking that way you pay better attention to something that isn’t intended as light reading etc) reading on the toilet is less appealing to me.
While I personally wouldn’t want to re-read the Karma Sutra on the loo, Maximuz04 (52) have you actually read it at all? It is not a book for amateurs to learn ‘how to have sex’. While chapters are devoted to many aspects of sexual intercourse – positions/sexual acts etc – there are six other ‘parts’ of this work which discuss relationships, marriage, and how to attract people, amongst other things. You can learn some interesting things about ancient Indian culture/practices from it. While there are copies that only deal with sexual positions – mostly found on the internet – these are far from complete copies/translations of the original works.
194 oouchan
December 3rd, 2009 at 5:35 am
@necro_penguin (191): Really? Comparing a catchy phrase to a disease? Lame at best. That’s why it makes no sense.
It was a cleverly done. Got one’s attention. It just didn’t do that for you, which is fine.
195 Pyderz
December 3rd, 2009 at 5:44 am
Haha this is ledge!
196 Woyzeck
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:23 am
@oouchan (194):
I think it makes perfect sense. Just because you don’t agree with it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t make sense.
197 Morticia
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:29 am
I havent enjoyed the comments so much for ages! Thanks!
@steeveedee (64) & giantshredder (86) – Exactly my thoughts and feelings!
198 oouchan
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:57 am
@Woyzeck (196): It also works in reverse, you know. He didn’t agree with the statement, I did. What’s wrong with that? I don’t agree with his odd choice of comparisons. Nothing wrong with that either. It just came off as a lame choice. *shrugs*
199 bklynboy555
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:58 am
wowzer this is ever so interesting.
200 Rory
December 3rd, 2009 at 9:25 am
You totally forgot “Stuff White People Like.”
201 vankheakh
December 3rd, 2009 at 11:56 am
hello !!!
202 noclustu
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Uncle John;s Great big Bathroom Readers are the best books ever written.
203 blackwatertown
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:54 pm
I would say that Lucky Jim by Knigsley Amis is the best book for this (and most occasions). Guaranteed a laugh – many laughs.
The best – or for sure, one of the best – accounts of being drunk and being hungover. As well as loads of other good stuff.
204 yrwomn
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Uncle Johns Bathroom Reader is made for light reading in the loo. short lists and articles of uselss info. they are also three different sizes of stories for quick, medium, or the long sit. Often funny always informative. sometimes you will even stay a little too long just to read one more!!
205 jake
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:01 pm
@ yrwomm, man uncle johns is the best i totaly agree
206 Mabel
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Ooo Uncle John’s Bathroom Readers! I pick them up at the flea market and they sit on a shelf in the bathroom.
Catalogs are good too. I can sit there with a catalog and a pen and go through and mark things I wish I had the money for. I get quite a few of them in the mail, and they go into the bathroom for perusal during longer stays.
207 Chai Shean
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Hahah! I wonder how peoples’ reaction would be when constipation and reading the book “What’s your poo telling you”. This book may get readers paranoid while trying to excrete their bodily waste. Who knows what crazy thing run through peoples’ minds when reading the book.
Nice article! Great recommendations for a bathroom session. And I agree with Mabel, with Christmas around the corner now, you’d best be maximizing your time by doing your Christmas shopping while in the loo!
208 kcd75
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Thanks for the post! I found it really entertaining.
209 smokingfrog
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:42 pm
@Megacrust (172): hey man, u r right abt tht, a un-hygienic habit..
We cant help people like tht anyway
@Randall (129):
Wht abt:
push the tempo!!
210 The_Snowdog
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:18 pm
Other posters have already mentioned the Uncle john series of bathroom readers
When I’m pushing brown I like light reading both in topic and book size. Uncle John’s books match that criteria.
But I also a poster mention Calvin and Hobbes and that is a great suggestion. Calvin and Hobbes is by far my favorite comic strip and great bathroom reading while pushing brown.
211 Silas Jayne
December 4th, 2009 at 8:17 am
i thought for sure “unlce john’s bathroom reader” would have been on the list
212 BrotherMan
December 4th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Yep…nothing like reading a book on sex while taking a massive shit to get the juices flowing.
213 Pookie
December 4th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
may i also suggest the alphabet of manliness…an interesting read if you’re on the can!
214 soph123
December 4th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
I prefer books of short stories or poems, it makes it easier to stop reading.
215 Pornography Enthusiast
December 4th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Whoever wrote this needs to look up what “linguistics” actually is.
Also, this list is shit.
216 Get A Clue
December 4th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
I waited a few days because I didn’t want to say something I might regret.
However, my opinion of this list hasn’t changed.
It’s lame. Poorly-written, has no focus, seems to have been, well, something the author dashed off by looking at the magazine rack in his bathroom. Pointless and uninformative. Possibly the worst list on this site I have ever read…and I have read them all.
217 jimbo
December 6th, 2009 at 9:04 am
How could you not include Uncle Johns Bathroom Readers?
218 hobo8675309
December 6th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
what about the uncle john’s bathroom reader?
219 Damos
December 10th, 2009 at 12:23 am
For those of you that wonder how a person can spend so long in the can, let me give you my own personal experience. I have a wife and a 4-year-old at home. Bathroom time is the only private time I get. I’ll stay in there as long as I damn well please, and I’m not at all ashamed to say it.
Plus, my favorite euphemism is, “Squatting a grumpy.”
220 Lone_Buddha
January 12th, 2010 at 5:46 pm
@w00tz…Amen…I can’t believe Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader (the entire series) is not in here. It’s been around for years and it’s literally designed for that purpose. The Guiness Books of World Records is another one that is definitely on the invite list to the potty party.
221 Ron
January 18th, 2010 at 11:01 am
what a koinky-dinky… I started my morning (as I do many) in “meditation” with the Art of War. One of the few books one can open any where, and not get lost, and gain something from.
222 nicoleredz3
January 28th, 2010 at 9:35 am
Oh, my word! Lol!
I cannot believe these books exist!
223 cmc75
June 16th, 2010 at 8:57 pm
Now this is funny list! Though I have to admit, I do not have any particular bathroom reading material that I prefer, but I am partial to completing Sudoku and Word Search puzzles, when I'm sitting on the throne. In fact, I get so sucked into finishing the puzzle, that half the time, I forget why I went in there in the first place. My father (God rest his soul) used to head in there with a copy of Stephen Hawkins "A Brief History of Time." He wouldn't come out for what seemed to be a few hours.