[This list contains a competition - see comment 1 for details] St Valentine’s day is fast approaching and those who are in love, want to be in love, or want to re-ignite their love are preparing flowers, candy, and cards for the object of their desires. But not all is fun and roses when it comes to the 14th of February as this list attests.
1. In the two week period leading up to Valentine’s Day, American sales of gold jewelry lead to 34 million metric tons of waste.
2. The vast majority of roses sold for Valentine’s Day in the U.S. are imported from South America, wasting fossil fuels.
3. Valentine’s Day traces its roots to an ancient pagan holiday called Lupercalia, in which men stripped naked, grabbed whips, and spanked young women in hopes of increasing their fertility.
4. The Christian martyr St. Valentine was beheaded on February 14 for performing marriages in secret.
5. Research suggests that 75 percent of suicide attempts are attributable to relationship problems.
6. 46 percent of Americans will exchange Valentine’s Day candy.
7. 67 percent of Americans are overweight or obese.
8. The first Valentine’s Day card was sent by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London. He remained a prisoner of war for the next twenty-four years.
9. A recent poll found that one in ten young adults admitted to feeling lonely, insecure, depressed, or unwanted on Valentine’s Day. And that’s just the ones that admitted it.
10. Forty percent of people have negative feelings towards Valentine’s Day.
11. The famous St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, in which seven Chicago gangsters were gunned down on February 14, 1929, was one of the bloodiest in mob history (pictured above).
12. 64 percent of American men do not make Valentine’s Day plans in advance.
13. Candy hearts taste like crap.
14. Even if you’re really, really in love right now, you’re still going to die eventually.
Lia Romeo and Nick Romeo are the authors of the humor book 11,002 Things to Be Miserable About and the humor blog www.thingstobemiserableabout.com.
I wanna win! I never win anything
I didn’t used to like Valentines Day, but theis my second one with my lovely boyfriend and it makes me happy.
I know I should still hate it but I’m happy so nevermind…
This list really made my day.
I mean what’s the point of valentine’s day? Or even the point of any holiday? I kinda find it sickening that there really is a need out there of holidays to remind people of some values they should be practicing without a second thought, let alone a reminder. Love, family, friends etc are all things we should do and cherish every day. Following the holiday logic, why not institute something like “breathing day” where we gather round and celebrate the intake of good air and the expulsion of bad. We could give each other lung shaped candy and whistle all day long. Absurd? EXACTLY!
JF, I thought you only used original list. This one sucked.
I am random and thou shalt listen to me. Pick random…..
fact number 3, naked guy with a whip?…sounds like Thursday night in my freakin neighborhood.
i like the last in the entry. it totally tells everything that is miserable. hehehe
It’s just another day.
Of suffering. Of pain. Of total and complete misery. Of sitting at home and eating cereal straight out of the box and drinking your mum’s tea and sobbing to another episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
That actually doesn’t sound half bad.
oh lawd i want dat book.
seriously. i’m the type of miserable bastard who would love it.
I am so glad to be FREE of valentines day- it should not apply to anyone beyond 21. It is a useful fundraiser day, but besides that serves no purpose.
My boyfriend is going to be sad to hear about March 14. I didn’t know it was once a year, I thought it was every Thursday!
I love candy hearts. = / But then again I like the taste of tums and rolaids as well. The chalky texture just does for it me.
That’s delightfully depressing. Then again…so is Valentine’s Day but that’s probably just because I’m alone. All alone…
*sigh*
Still…nice list if you want to make someone break down and cry. ^^
This list made me sad.
And I’m sure the book would make me sadder but I want it haha.
Valentine’s day sucks and all but what do fat people have to do with it? and the fact that we are going to die?
Surely this list should be drawing some of those ‘American-centric’ comments in light of the statistics that they’re all fatty fatty fattys?! (I am of course kidding, not all, just some.)
Did Valentine’s day not start with a more traditional/practical meaning? Is it not the one day of the year that women were traditionally allowed to ask men to marry them? I may be confusing that with February 29th, which incidentally is my anniversary!
i’ve never seen the point of valentine’s day… you should be nice to your partner whenever you feel like it! personally i’ve always thought girls who have hissy fits at their guys about it are kinda daft. though the guys who put up with them are dafter :p
Japanese and Korean retailers have latched onto Valentines Day, but in order to double their takings they’ve sucked consumers into believing that on VD (you know what I mean!) the girl gives to the boy, so they’ve been able to create a second occasion on 14 March, called White Day on which the boy gives to the girl. I tried to tell my students that on VD you both give to each other, and they were horrified at the idea.
(Or the other way around. I forget which.)
I loled at this list, obviously the writer feels deep hatred for such a waste of a day.
Who buys candy hearts anyway? They really do taste like crap
I especially like number three. nothing quite like a little BDSM eh!
6. 46 percent of Americans will exchange Valentine’s Day candy.
7. 67 percent of Americans are overweight or obese.
I don’t know why i laughed at that,it’s as if when fat people love each other it’s some sort of crime ?
Last year I think I complained so much about being alone on Valentines day that a friend of mine had a rose delivered to me when I was living in the UK and he was in Australia. I wonder if I complain enough again this year he will send me another one although this year he is in the UK and I’m back in Australia.
Most boring Valentines I have ever had was when I was in a relationship. Bring on the wine, the snarling and checking out the awkward couples at the bar surrounded by your equally bitter friends. Creativity never comes from happiness
I once wrote a song about the 14th of Feb…It was called f#ck valnetines day. Nothing like a guitar,a bottle of rum and a healthy heap of melancholy to compose a masterpiece. Sadly, only time heals a broken heart. Luckly, this was almost 3 years ago!
Here’s a good one: “Romeo and Juliet” was a tragedy in which two teenagers end up dead by suicide. It’s ironic because they’re considered one of the archetypal romances.
this is an innovative list. I love it!
hope im one of the lucky 5 people to win the book ;(
btw nice list specially no. 1
one of the most depressing list
Candy hearts are still better than circus peanuts
I would love to get a copy of this book! Other then that is list is great, I’m still up in the air about the whole V-Day extravaganza.
i did not like this list at all
Me neither
hey, i’d love a book. This list was pretty funny too.
Wish I had something funny/intelligent/interesting to say about Valentine’s Day, but I really could not care less!! Don’t celebrate this holiday in my corner of the world…
But we do have something resembling Lupercalia; we dress up and beat on each other with branches, especially the children have the right to flogger their parents. And back in the days we used to put a black cat in a barrel and hit it until l the cat died…sort of like a piñata but with a dead cat inside instead of candy.
great list, as always. sounds like a good book, i really need to read it this year!
@jfrater (119): Yabba Dabba Doo! Yay! Jamie, I sent you the mail-please reply if you have received it
I have very negative feelings over valentines day [x
Pick me
That last one was very depressing.
Let’s bring back Lupercalia, any volunteers?
great list! ^_^
If they have a special day to celebrate all the lovers in the world then I think they should have a day to celebrate all the single people too. To receive some chocolates just for being single would be fantastic.
Wow man, I feel so exhilarated- this is the first time I’v won anything on the net!
i like “Even if you’re really, really in love right now, you’re still going to die eventually”
it made me laught
=D
There is no such thing as misery.
this list is wonderful and hilarious! best thing about my morning hahahaha
hahahahaha i loved this list!
valentines day is lame, however it is good for cheap chocolates after the 14th when the shops are clearing themselves of heart shaped stock. :’)
Hey don’t knocked Valentines day. You spend 10 quid on a card and some candy, and are garaunteed some nookie and some left over candy!!! You can’t get that deal anywhere else…. and ive looked
Candy hearts taste WORSE than crap. Good list.
jake wants one
I like to read. Count me in.
Interesting list…but it went from semi-factual to “authors have bugs up their asses AND axes to grind” in a hurry…so it was a lot less a list and a lot more a diatribe. They could have done a lot better.
@Eire (166): If you need to fork out money on a crappy card and crappy chocolates in order to get some then maybe you need to be looking for a new partner.
Always and forever will I loathe this date. It’s commercialism wrapped in a candy heart. Who really needs a special date to remind them of the one they love? It’s more meaningful when it’s random.
I give the list a …. meh. Numbers 5, 7 and 14 seem like fillers and 13 was an opinion. My kid loves those things, but I agree they taste bad.
This list certainly is depressing, keep it up guys
Citation needed on quite a few of those, particularly #5. Really not the best!
Whenever anyone says that something tastes like crap, I always wonder how they know. Did they taste the two items in order to compare them?
Love the list – in it for the free book
Valentines day is overrated!
i love miserable facts!
According to the condom company Durex, condom sales are highest around Valentine’s Day, which are 20 percent to 30 percent higher than usual:))
15% of U.S. women send themselves flowers on Valentine’s Day and about 3% of pet owners will give Valentine’s Day gifts to their pets. SWEET
Happy Valentines Day!
Not the best list ive ever seen. still had a giggle at a few of the comments though