Subscribe to ListverseTop 10 Bizarre Things You Can Buy on Amazon
- Published January 29, 2008 - 120 Comments
So, you are shopping for the man/woman who has everything and have no idea what to buy? Here are ten unique and unusual products that can be bought on Amazon.com:
10. Wolf Urine
100% pure wolf pee. Use this pee to deter unwanted creatures from your home. Its effectiveness is vouched for by one Amazon reviewer who said:
My Uncle Jared had been under the weather since his wife passed away. He was also in a lot of debt and doing drugs. So one day he bought this Wolf Lure, apparently covered his body in it, and went into the forest. We held his funeral last Thursday, but there was no body to place in a casket so we just remembered him the way he was, and placed flowers by the forest where his mauled clothing and remnants of teeth and flesh lay in eternal slumber. The local news ran a report of him, and we all wish him well with his wife.
Please note: this product can not be shipped to California due to state regulations on the importing of animal pee.
9. Stop Eating Poop!
From the product review: “Stop Eating Poop contains Glutamic Acid to deter dogs from eating their own stool. Yucca helps control stool and urine odor. Peppermint and parsley help to eliminate bad breath.” The peppermint and parsley are clearly essential for the dog who enjoys an occasional meal of poo. This product is not fit for human consumption.
8. Gay Attraction Body Mist
According to the product review, “Man To Man was created after years of study to naturally help Gays Attract other Gays.” I thought tighty whiteys and cosmos were already doing that!
7. Dr. John’s Famous Pee Pee
Are you about to take a drug test at work and you know you are going to fail? Dr. John to the rescue! This synthetic pee tests within normal ranges in standard urine tests. Avoid workplace discrimination by carrying a bottle of Dr. John’s Pee with you at all times!
6. Tank
For only $19,995 you can own your very own battle tank. This tank carries a crew of up to five internally and one externally. Includes head/tail lights and a 400 watt premium PA system. If you are unsure whether this tank is the one for you, check out this excerpt from one of the reviews on amazon:
I’ll admit it. Shopping for a personal tank can be a bit daunting. Many times in the past I’ve purchased overpriced, so-called “battle tanks”, then driven them into battle only to be wrecked in ten minutes by the first blow off of some insurgents home-made mortar. But not this baby, no way.
It looks like a great deal to me!
5. Liquid Ass Fart Spray
I am speechless on this one. Here is an excerpt from their product description: “Liquid ASS is an overwhelming, stinky, funny prank product. Once unleashed, this powerpacked, superconcentrated liquid begins to evaporate filling the air with a genuine, foul buttcrack smell with hints of dead animal and fresh poo.”
4. UFO Detector
Over the years many UFO sightings have reported magnetic and electromagnetic disturbances. The UFO Detector is designed to sense these disturbances and will signal their presence by flashing an LED and beeping. Now you can be the first to arrive on the scene of alien landings or crashes!
3. Roswell Soil Sample
For those of you who have no luck with your UFO Detectors, you can still experience part of the UFO/Alien phenomenon by buying soil from Roswell – the crash site of an alien spacecraft some years ago. Who knows, if you add water you may be able to grow your own Xenu!
2. Deer’s Butt
This is a genuine whitetail deer rear. Perfect for the lover of taxidermy or bottoms. Use this in combination with item 5 on the list for many evenings of entertainment!
1. Uranium
Yes – it is true – you can actually buy a can of real uranium! According to Amazon, the uranium sample is for “educational and scientific use only” so please don’t buy this product if you have any other plans in mind. The List Universe can not guarantee that you will not end up on an FBI watchlist if you buy this product.
January 29th, 2008 at 7:09 am
my 1st first?
anyway i sold #10 at the garden center i worked at. it stank and didnt work
January 29th, 2008 at 7:11 am
The Liquid Ass stuff would be a great office prank!
January 29th, 2008 at 7:15 am
Is it just me or are most of these to do with some sort of piss/shit…
The user review for number 6 is great! haha
One of my friends had something like #5, and took it into school once. It stank to high heaven. I had to throw away a fleece he sprayed it onto because the smell wouldnt come out.
I genuinely have no idea why anyone would want #2…
January 29th, 2008 at 7:21 am
WOW i can really buy uranium and a tank on amazon
i think have an idea
Uranium + tank x Scientologists = Loads of fun
(when was that march again)
January 29th, 2008 at 7:24 am
me: alas, if you read the description you’ll notice the tank is, in fact, sans gun. Would be a pity though. I reckon taking a tank to one of those demonstrations would be great!
January 29th, 2008 at 7:26 am
AHHH well tis only an idea
January 29th, 2008 at 7:43 am
okay..tighty whiteys i know but WTF are cosmos?
January 29th, 2008 at 7:54 am
Cyn: I would assume that Cosmos = Cosmopolitan martinis
January 29th, 2008 at 7:54 am
awesome list, ha ha
dangorironhide; i can imagine someone mounting a wolfs/bears head on the opposite wall from the deer ass….red-neck utopia, along with the bottle of wolf piss, pretty sure you wouldn’t need the extra ass crack smell though
January 29th, 2008 at 7:58 am
VonGoetz – thanx. had to Google it.
http://www.drinksmixer.com/drink3002.html
sounds tasty! and yeah, after a few of those who’d need a spray…gay or straight.
January 29th, 2008 at 8:05 am
Cyn- Cosmopolitan (vodka, vermouth, splash of Cranberry)
You can buy uranium??? I’m so desensitized that the pee and poo don;t even register anymore
January 29th, 2008 at 8:11 am
All of these seems like a funny gimmick present, however I could really use the stop eating poop thing for my dog. His breath stinks from eating his own business. I wonder if they have it in wolf urine flavor.
January 29th, 2008 at 8:12 am
I love that tank! It looks like a miniature version of one of Jabba’s sail barges!
January 29th, 2008 at 8:17 am
cyn: it was a reference to Babylon in Queer as Folk
January 29th, 2008 at 8:27 am
Regarding the deer bum … I once was in a house in east Texas where I noticed the ass end of a racoon mounted on a wall. WTF, I thought to myself. Then I realized we weren’t that far from Louisiana and Cajun country, where cajuns are sometimes referred to as “coon asses.” LOL, I thought to myself, or would have, anyway, had the internet been around at the time.
As for Stop Eating Poop, think it would keep a dog from raiding the cat box?
January 29th, 2008 at 8:27 am
ah! unfortunately Queer as Folks is not on basic cable…so i’ve not seen it.
January 29th, 2008 at 8:30 am
only 330 shopping days til Xmas!!
January 29th, 2008 at 8:35 am
DEER BUTT!!!! TAXIDERMY OF BOTTOMS!!!
People are so weird. But I love it. Also…I don’t see how people are able to buy radioactive material from Amazon.
January 29th, 2008 at 8:37 am
fjrater: i’m assuming you are not really Jamie Frater so don’t use that name especially when you make comments like that it’s rude
January 29th, 2008 at 8:37 am
No Puny Nerd: There is an email circulating around right now that has pictures related to “you might be a redneck if”.
In the email it shows a person’s house that has a deer’s ass mounted on the outside with the doorbell right where the deer’s smelly brown eye is.
Pretty classy stuff.
January 29th, 2008 at 8:38 am
Oh yeah cosmos are my alltime favorite cocktail by the way. I’d like to say I’m an expert in making them…
January 29th, 2008 at 8:43 am
Jackie: that wasn’t me – he has been doing it constantly despite my asking him not to. I deleted the comment.
January 29th, 2008 at 8:48 am
jfrater: oh ok someone just being an @$$hole I guess….just wanted to stick up for you
January 29th, 2008 at 9:01 am
In high school I once looked up detailed plans to construct a nuclear device for a science project. It was surprisingly easy to find them. With #1 it makes me wonder how there are not more terrorists with nuclear technology.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:03 am
Mystern: I think you need to process the uranium before it has use in nuclear weapons or reactors.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Jfrater: I believe you are correct but I’m sure that process can also be found somewhere online. I would post links but I fear that the Department of Homeland Security might pick me up for a little chat.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:07 am
socialbutterfly: more proof that “redneck” and “classy” are mutually exclusive terms.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:12 am
mystern: Somehow I imagine anyone who orders uranium from Amazon can expect a customer service visit from Homeland Security.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:14 am
Mystern:
The process for processing uranium into weapons grade material may very well be spelled out somewhere online–I’ve certainly seen it in textbooks—but let’s be clear on this–the process as described will be a very general overview of the science, and not as likely to go into great detail–because you aren’t gonna manage it in your garage or basement.
Processing uranium thusly requires, in essence, a reactor—or what used to be called an atomic pile. It can’t be done by a group of guys in a trailer.
Building a bomb is the easy part—getting the fissionable material is hard. For a terrorist, stealing the stuff would be much easier than making it from scratch. The bomb, then, would be a simple matter to construct (relatively speaking).
Moreover–one needs a particular *isotope* of uranium in order to process it into fissionable material.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:23 am
I was going to do a “how to make a bomb” list at some point – maybe I should do a nuclear bomb one too!
January 29th, 2008 at 9:24 am
Alright, I think it could be done and here are a couple links to support my theory.
1. Isotope Separation to purify the uranium. In theory it would be possible to use the electromagnetic method in a low tech lab.
2. Nuclear weapon design. The easiest method for a backyard experiment would be the gun assembly method.
Thus I do indeed think it would be possible to create a very small nuclear device in a homegrown lab.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:24 am
jfrater:
Ahhhh…. no Green Card for you, then, Jamie.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:38 am
I’m pretty sure the comment on #8 is referring to the Cosmo magazine, not the drink. But cosmo martinis are not especially masculine either.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Siderius: I wrote the list – the comment refers to the cosmopolitan cocktail
Randall: oh – I forgot about that – maybe I should hold off on those lists
January 29th, 2008 at 9:47 am
Mystern:
You miss one salient point. Isotope Separation has to get you a good-sized lump of the stuff in order for the bomb to work. You have to have enough for critical mass, in other words. This takes time, and a LOT of material and space.
Trying it in a low-tech lab, on a small scale? Good luck with that. I think even if it could be done, it would take centuries. The FBI would catch up with you long before, I imagine—or your home country’s equivalent police force.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:48 am
Mystern:
The bomb however, yes…. the bomb itself is frighteningly simple to assemble.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:51 am
mystern; also the uranium must be enriched,,i do believe that they use heavy water (deuterium?), not so easy to get, i think there are only one or 2 sources,,1 here in canada…
January 29th, 2008 at 9:53 am
The term “hick” just went to a whole other level in my book!
January 29th, 2008 at 10:05 am
Randall and Mom424:
In electromagnetic isotope separation a device called a caultron is used. I’m no nuclear physicist but from what I can tell you don’t need really anything special. Caultrons are not used widely anymore but with more modern electromagnetic technology I wonder if you couldn’t make a smaller one? By no means am I suggesting that it would be easy, only that it would be possible. All in all you only need 1 kg of the stuff to make a weapon. I would imagine it could be done in under a year.
January 29th, 2008 at 10:08 am
wow – we have passed the 27,000 comments mark!
January 29th, 2008 at 10:08 am
The tank looks like a skiff from Star Wars!!! I’d quite like some uranium too!
January 29th, 2008 at 10:08 am
Building an atomic weapon is one of those things that the more you know about it, the more difficult it becomes. Those speculating here that you can get plans on the Internet, buy Amazon Uranium and conjigger yourself an A Bomb in your spare time are delusional. Do you think London, Tel Aviv, New York or D.C. would be here today if it were that easy? Say what you want Islamicists, they’re not stupid, nor are they unmotivated. If there was the slightest, like one in thirty trillion, possibility something like this could be pulled off it would have happened already.
Great list BTW, I expected just a list of Celine Dion CDs.
January 29th, 2008 at 10:12 am
el duderino: that would be top 10 disgusting things you can buy on Amazon
January 29th, 2008 at 10:12 am
lol @ jfrater
January 29th, 2008 at 10:13 am
What a great list. I like how you included the link so we can read more about the product plus the reviews are great.
Someone sent me a some reviews on Amazon for a Bic Pen. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Bic-Crystal-ballpoint-medium-point/dp/B000JTOYLS The first guys review is very funny and then over 140 people got into the act and reviewed it also. I couldn’t resist and submitted a review too.
I guess I have no life.
January 29th, 2008 at 10:18 am
jfrater make zombie movie list
January 29th, 2008 at 10:24 am
jesse: there is a zombie survival list but not a zombie movies list. I will definitely consider it
January 29th, 2008 at 10:30 am
Mystern:
No, I repeat–you need enough for critical mass. I don’t know what this equals offhand–if you want to say it’s a kilo of enriched uranium, okay–but think about it–you are enriching the uranium in VERY small increments, atoms upon atoms. Remember, this isn’t a chemical process. It’s a lot touchier and takes a lot longer.
When the US built the first atomic bombs at the end of WWII, it took years (at first) to enrich enough uranium and produce enough plutonium for 4 bombs (Trinity, Little Boy, Fatman, and the final bomb which was being prepared to drop on Tokyo, had the Japanese not surrendered after Nagasaki) …this with all the might, money, and resources of the US at the time behind the project–plants scattered around the country, thousands of people working on it–and they were just able to scrape together four bombs by Summer, 1945, even though they’d started the project in, I believe, 1940. Now, no, it didn’t take long to enrich more material to come up with a slowly-growing stockpile of bombs… were were able, I believe, to detonate test bombs by the Spring of 1946–but again, that was with this HUGE operation, nationwide, behind it–with billions of dollars backing it all up. Bottom line is, it took years on that grand scale. At home, in a low-tech, ultra-small scale setting? It would take damn near forever. The laws of physics don’t change in this regard–you can only enrich uranium one way.
Let’s be thankful this isn’t that do-able. If some crank group wants a bomb—they have to steal the stuff to detonate it.
January 29th, 2008 at 10:31 am
if we are requesting lists i would love to see a looka-like lists with game characters
=)
link = orlando bloom (as Legolas)
January 29th, 2008 at 10:42 am
If i ever get enough money, i’ll buy some of those tanks and take Honduras for all it’s worth.
January 29th, 2008 at 10:45 am
Randall:
I do know that critical mass is more than 1 kg. Off the top of my head it’s somewhere around 52 kg. However, it is possible to create a nuclear weapon without achieving critical mass. I’m not talking about building a Fat Boy. Just something small. When the first caultron became operational it began producing about 4 grams of U235 per day. This is how I came up with the 1 year figure.
In regards to the development of nuclear weapons you must remember that the majority of the time was spent researching new methods for isotope separation. Also, research into the subject started in 1942. Yes it took them a long time, but nothing like this had ever been done before. You must also remember that a great deal of time was used in developing plutonium devices as well because plutonium is far easier to use as a catalyst.
January 29th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Uranium ! I would use that to bomb those USA pussies together with smelly Croatians and stinky Albanians
January 29th, 2008 at 10:57 am
@ jfrater: maybe you should have a competition so that the person who makes the 30,000 comment gets a prize or an email address at listverse. Something like that.
We got to 27,000 from 20,000 pretty fast so it would go pretty fast.
January 29th, 2008 at 10:58 am
I’ve probably spent a good hour reading the reviews for the uranium and tank products… hysterical!!!
January 29th, 2008 at 11:00 am
No actually bomb assembly is easy not manufacture. U need a full scale plant to enrich the uranium. The purity should be very very high..not something you find at Amazon. Other than that You need D2O, Boron control rods,etc…and a couple of billion dollars to burn….dats why there are no nuclear terrorists. And those who are nuclear-equipped are mostly ‘broken arrows’ …meaning stolen nukes from plants and smuggled from other countries.
Did you know most of these ’stolen’ or ’smuggled’ nukes came from the US?! Bush not doing his job is he!?!
January 29th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Harsha:
You are incorrect. It is possible to produce a nuclear weapon from non weapons grade material. It just takes far more of it. Say you have some uranium that is only 15% pure it would take about 600 kg to create critical mass.
January 29th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Mystern:
Good point about the researching done during WWII, but nevertheless you’re missing the big picture.
Here, here’s another example–we know that up until 2002, Iran was working on enriching uranium. This required the construction of a fairly massive reactor, and still it was going to take them years to accumulate enough of the stuff to build a viable weapon. That’s an entire country, with all its resources… and it was taking years.
Which is in fact how the CIA and State Department measure these matters—nations are deemed capable of constructing a nuclear weapon in increments of 1-2, 5, 10, 15, 20 years, etc. Naturally the lower numbers are for those nations already (apparently) working on developing these weapons–but at the 5+ year level, what the scale is judging is how long it would take said nation to enrich enough uranium and/or make enough plutonium to build a bomb. In other words, it isn’t something that can just be cobbed together overnight, or in a couple years or so, should nation X decide *tomorrow* that they want to build an atomic bomb. Enriching uranium takes time.
Now… if this is true of entire nations–imagine the time constraints on individuals trying to accomplish this for their own nefarious ends. No reactor, small resources, little money—even if it COULD be done, the time scale we’re talking about would be colossal.
And if this were not the case, then nations could easily flip a switch and have atomic bombs overnight, by your logic. But clearly this is not the way it is—nations take time to build these weapons from scratch.
January 29th, 2008 at 11:08 am
This may be my favorite list yet. #6 is awesome.
January 29th, 2008 at 11:08 am
I have heard of being able to buy deer urine a lot actually. Of course deer hunting is big here in Michigan!!
January 29th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Valid points. Very well I will concede that it is beyond the means of backyard production to create high quality weapons, but as I pointed out to Harsha, even if you have low grade uranium it is still possible, even plausible to create a nuclear weapon. Especially considering the technology that has come up since 1945. Just as an example, if you have a neutron reflector the amount of material to achieve critical mass drops considerably.
January 29th, 2008 at 11:12 am
Mystern:
I DO believe you’re mistaken, also, in what you just said to Harsha. It isn’t degrees of quantity… it just doesn’t work that way (I think). Critical mass is necessary to create a chain reaction. What makes a chain reaction happen is enough neutrons flying out, breaking apart enough atoms. This would not work, I believe, in a lump of material where only 15% of it will fission.
Cripes… we need a nuclear physicist in here to correct all of us on these off-the-hip notions we’re flinging around. You’re reading stuff off the internet and I’m quoting from half-remembered classes I took in college.
January 29th, 2008 at 11:17 am
See, Mystern… you’re getting all your info off of Wikipedia, which isn’t the best idea in the first place—but then you’re not *distilling* the information correctly.
Basically, if critical mass could exist within a *larger* mass, then someone would have managed it by now. I don’t believe it physically works that way.
January 29th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Randall:
You may be correct. Like I said, I’m no physicist. I do believe you are correct though, in that naturally occurring uranium is not suitable for a weapon. There still needs to be some refining process done, it just does not need to be “weapons grade” to create a weapon. However, let’s just say that it would take more resources than the average group of individuals can muster.
January 29th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Mystern & Randall; the concern should be with all the readily available (ie; missing) weapons grade plutonium/uranium floatin’ around out there..
by the way did you two notice somebody from ebaums got in here by mistake (8====)
January 29th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
OK, I’m looking at the uranium comments, and while the primary interest is in making a military grade nuclear bomb, I think the more practical use for the uranium being sold would be a radiation dispersal system. You could easily buy enough of the uranium to mix with a fairly simple bomb to do some serious damage. You won’t be leveling any cities, but for a terrorist attack, it would more than serve the purpose. That’s where your real nuclear threat is.
January 29th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Well said
January 29th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Greatest. List. Ever.
January 29th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
And I thought I wouldn’t be able to find any stocking stuffers this year!! My friends are lucky that I read this list!
Awesome list! Has great “WTF” value!!!
January 29th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Jfrater:
While we are on the bizarre topic, and a couple of people have been randomly asking you to make a list of “this or that”, why not combine the two and come up with a top 10 list of bizarre requests that you have received and just couldn’t bear to publish. Have you ever considered this? I couldn’t begin to imagine the originality of your readers!
January 29th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
VonGoetz: that is a great idea – though I can honestly say there is virtually nothing I won’t write
January 29th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Did you know that you are on the front page of Foxnews.com?? Just thought I’d let ya know! Congrats!! They have this list with a link inside that says “Click here to read more bizarre products according to The List Universe.”
January 29th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
I have also seen synthetic human urine for sale at a head shop that is not too far from my home!!!
January 29th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
I have also seen synthetic human urine for sale at a head shop that is not too far from my home!!!
Ahhhh Anne: That must be why I have had a problem accessing the a couple of times tonight……anyone else have a problem??
January 29th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
on the uranium note a site by the name of united nuclear has beens elling it for a while along with other radioactive items and plenty of “possibly” dangerous chemicals.
but yea im sure you get on some sort of watch-list for ordering such chemicals/elements
January 29th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
The amount you can purchase from Amazon.com is tiny compared to what you buy at http://www.unitednuclear.com.
You can purchase straight uranium ore the can clock in at 2000 CPM or up to 80000 CPM (that is a LOT, folks). 5 pounds of ore for 60 bucks! You’ll get a discount on lead ‘pig’ barrels if you purchase this, too.
But your choices are not limited to uranium ore, you can purchase virtually every element in existence and various other chemical compounds.
It’s a shame they don’t ship outside of the US.. which is understandable (imagine walking through customs with radioactive ore!) but I like the idea of behind this website, which attempts to promote more interest in chemistry.
January 29th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
WOW! You can buy some f*cking crazy stuff on Amazon
January 30th, 2008 at 1:01 am
Stormy617;
we have something similar here as well. I believe they call it, “Urine-luck,” but pretty much the same thing/purpose.
One of my former neighbors had a mounted deer’s bum, with tail drooping down. He then added a pair of eyes, one on each cheek. It looked like a huge owl’s head. Sorry, I was 10 at the time. Still think it’s cool though… =/
January 30th, 2008 at 1:02 am
Apologies all for the downtime – it seems foxnews was able to send us so much traffic we died under the weight of it! We are working on getting this sorted out for the future.
January 30th, 2008 at 1:10 am
Figured it was something like that. I was able to get on here long enough to see the comment about Foxnews and also found the link that cyn posted.
January 30th, 2008 at 1:17 am
HAHAHA gay attraction spray???
that made my day.
January 30th, 2008 at 3:17 am
Had a big argument about the nuke thing on another web site (which I probably lost).
I wasn’t going to come right out and say that it would be possible to build that nuke without a critical mass of fissionable material (right around 10kg, less with more modern explosives.)
But we will run a little disinformation here to take care of any closet terrorists.
Think modified Patterson cell.
(which gets us into the realm of cold fusion and we all know that doesn’t work.)
January 30th, 2008 at 3:23 am
Icecycle: no disinformation here! We want the truth!
January 30th, 2008 at 10:48 am
i checked with bomb expert husband. he said you can’t use build anything with it. i told him to get on here and comment himself, but stupid fox ruined for everyone. (although that’s pretty awesome that it was on foxnews. way to go jfrater!)
January 30th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Right, let’s settle this once and for all.
No, you cannot use “ordinary” uranium (U238) to build a bomb, be it a “dirty” bomb or one that actually chain-reacts. (Yes, it has a very tiny potential to chain react, but it is TINY). “Depleted” uranium is U238. It is useful, because of its density, for armor plating and armor-plating-busting missiles.
But that’s it. You wanna build a bomb of ANY kind, you gotta have the stronger stuff. And that’s not available on Amazon.
January 30th, 2008 at 11:17 am
i just re read my comment and it didn’t make much sense. sorry about that! i hope everyone got the gist of it though.
January 30th, 2008 at 11:51 am
Randall: you are right, but you still must accept that it is ridiculous that you can find it on Amazon! I thought the user review on battle tank was great (although probably a prank), and just the concept of being able to buy it! That just amazes me!
January 30th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
The customer review for the gay attraction spray is priceless. Great list!
January 30th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Ridiculous on Amazon? Actually I think uranium should be available in vending machines. Think of the possibilities.
Then, see… you get a time machine, and kidnap some poor schmuck from, oh… say, 1955… and you bring him here and we all go, “WELCOME to the 21st century citizen!” And then somebody gets a cell phone call and the 50s guy is all like, “what the hell is that?” and you say to him, “oh, that’s my grandmother calling…. FROM MARS!” and he freaks out… and then we point to all the freaky-looking cars (from his point of view) in the parking lot, and we say, “yeah, see all those cars….. THEY FLY. And they run on cranberry juice!”
and then we hit a vending machine and each grab a can of soda, and then turn to the 50s guy with a can of Sprite or whatever in our hands and say to him, “uranium?”
and then we zap the clown back to the 50s and laugh our asses off.
That’s be a good day, for me.
January 30th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Randall: Just make sure you give him something to prove to everyone that it actually happened, so that everyone will listen to what he says he saw. Otherwise you know he will have people saying PROOF or it didn’t happen!!!
January 30th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
I had never heard about suiciding by being eaten by wolves. O_O
And a can of uranium would make a perfect gift.
January 30th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
The best thing about this page is not even on this page.
It is the fact that the Wolf Urine is listed in Amazon’s Kitchen and Dining category.
January 30th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
I’ve seen someone sell a potato chip on ebay because it “looked like jesus”, looked more like rob zombie or the drummer from foghat
January 30th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
what would someone do with such a thing? worship it? eating something that looks like Jesus somehow doesn’t seem very religious to me.
January 30th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Jfrater, here you go:
1. Colon Tonic – Ayurvedic Colon Liquid Tonic – I’m not sure whether this stuff is made up for, or out of, colons. Why take a chance?
2. Crick-ettes Seasoned Crickets 24ct – Ironically Yoko Ono despises these things.
3. Larvets-Original Worm Snacks 24ct – Just in case the Crick-ettes didn’t fill you up with buggy goodness.
4. Scorpion Amber Candy – Amber candy with a real edible scorpion inside. Who knew there were edible scorpions?
5. Cuitlacoche – From Nahuatl, “cuitlatl” means “excrement” and “cochi” means “black”. Say no more and just dump some moldy black fungusy corn on my plate.
6. La Joya Pork Feet, 16 oz. – nothing says good eating like a jar of pickled pigs feet. Besides I’m sure modern pigs live in very hygienic environments and their feet are never steeped in pig poop.
7. Rotten Tomato Salsa With Cilantro – Sadly, Amazon is inexplicably out of this delicacy.
8. Ortiz Bonito Del Norte Reserva De Familia Aged Tuna in Olive Oil 9.52 Oz. – Fish too fresh for you? How about some tuna that’s been aged for over a year?
9. Semenex (Improves The Taste of Semen) – I sent some of this to my friend in prison. What a scam, he tells me it doesn’t work at all.
10. Clamato – The original tomato-clam cocktail, seasoned with the secret spices that gives everyone’s favorite cocktail the distinctive flavor we all know and love. Don’t be fooled into buying one of the many, many imitators.
January 30th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
About the bomb thing, it is obviously easier said than done. Randall made a bunch of good points, particularly #57.
The thought process behind “I can get uranium, I can build a bomb” is analogous to “I can get cement, I can build a bridge over the Atlantic”
January 30th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
Did anyone see the front page news on Foxnews.com? This list was the biggest headline!
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,326474,00.html
Congrats, Jamie! Great Publicity.
January 30th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
That is odd about the wolf urine being on the kitchen and dining. I heard it was supposed to be used on plants and such to keep deer from eating them. Or as a friend of mine said as the deer were eating her plants sprayed with wolf urine, “I guess someone forgot to tell the deer.”
January 30th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
You won’t find much fissionable Uranium in a couple of grams of Uranium Ore. Most ores come in at well under 1% by weight of Triuranium octoxide (U3O8 or Yellowcake). Only 0.7% of Uranium occurring in nature is U-235, so essentially you’re looking at maybe a whole 10 micrograms (ten one millionths of a gram) of fissionable uranium in one of those samples. That’s provided you have the facilities to process the ore, then separate U-235 from the far more common U-238. You need about 56 kilos of U-235 to put together your garden variety nuclear weapon.
Put another way? You’d have to buy about 60 million of these cans of Uranium before you’d become a serious threat to world security. At $29.95 a pop, it would be cheaper simply to go out on the black market and purchase of of the missing Soviet Nukes.
January 30th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
beanshide- (banshee?) i guess they could use it as a communion wafer…
January 31st, 2008 at 3:01 am
This list is published in a dutch newspaper ! It’s in “Het Belang van Limburg”
very entertaining lists, I come here looking for updates everyday…
Thank you listverse !
January 31st, 2008 at 3:30 am
Saar: thanks for letting me know
I just checked it out on their site! It is good to know the news is spreading!
January 31st, 2008 at 7:25 am
http://www.cracked.com/article_15836_12-most-awesomely-ridiculous-ebay-auctions.html
January 31st, 2008 at 9:43 am
@saar Belang Van Limburg is a BELGIAN newspaper my dear NOT Dutch…Besides it was in every Belgian newspaper today like GVA, HLN, …
January 31st, 2008 at 10:21 am
If we’re gonna argue about this I might even say that its a Flemish newspaper my dear … I know what Belang van Limburg is, and I only read Belang van Limburg as I live in Limburg, I’m deeply sorry that i said dutch in stead of belgian … Damn
Go Belgium
February 1st, 2008 at 1:50 pm
That’s awful……
but i can’t help laughing…..*lol*
February 2nd, 2008 at 4:44 am
Wow…
And to think that I used to think people who buy soiled panties are weird
March 19th, 2008 at 5:27 am
You forgot Tuscan Whole Milk: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00032G1S0/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
Check out the user reviews, too.
March 21st, 2008 at 7:41 am
That was an amusing list to read thx lol
April 19th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
The liquid ass stuff looks amazing my husband wants to find some since the second he read this list!!!
July 11th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
I once saw an air guitar for sale on Amazon.
Also, I’ve always wanted a tank and some Uranium. Think of all the possibilities!
August 30th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Hey, if number 7 actually works I wouldn’t mind buying that…I’m sure that would be useful in….certain situation >_>
January 14th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
its ore dumasses
January 15th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Back in 1984, I somehow purchased an aerosol can of Fart Spray. I sprayed the stuff in after school detention and got busted. The next day the school vice principal (and disciplinarian) had my parents come in and told them of the small fiasco I had caused. My mom was not too pleased, but my father, from whom I had inherited my HS shenanigans from, laughed out loud much to the VP’s dismay. I was suspended for three days…
February 25th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
I got to admit. I want to see a commercial for S.E.P.
I’m going to act out what it would be like:
Is your dog out of control? Is he eating things he shouldn’t? Is he cleaning up his own mess?
Well then you should get: STOP EATING POOP! (for dogs)
It’s the perfect gift to give a spouse!
If you want to get your dog to eat stool, give him some of this stuff and in no time, that poo should be untouched!
Try our other products: Stop peeing all over the carpet (SPAOTC), Why don’t you ask me later (WDYAML), and the hottest product: Just go kill yourself already (JGKYA)!
April 24th, 2009 at 1:25 am
I don’t think they should sell uranium in any form. Somebody could grind it up and spray it somehow and give a few people lung cancer. When I was a kid I carried a small rock of harmless uranium in my shirt pocket for “good luck”. When I got older I had to have some spots removed in that area.
April 24th, 2009 at 1:38 am
115. dic : Lol, and I could get a can of CO and spray it in a school room and kill some people and make a whole lot sick. Anything can be dangerous given the right circumstances.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
Has anyone read the User Reviews on the amazon page for some of this stuff…fucking HILARIOUS..definitely worth reading…
November 13th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
LIQUID ASS FART SPRAY? LOL.