Do you have a child with a birthday coming up? Then let me strongly recommend that you not buy them one of the dolls on this list. From superstars of music to politicians, this is a list of the worst dolls ever – and I really do mean ever. Ranked in order of least vile to most (as best as I could), here they are:
Why any person would want to own a Michael Jackson doll is beyond me. Surely even his most die-hard fans would draw the line here. It is also extremely out of date – both the skin color and nose are nothing at all like the “real” Michael.
More disturbing than the fact that this doll was even made in the first place is the “try me” button on his stomach. Thanks Elton, but no thanks!
This one is wrong on so many levels. Putting aside his hard times with the law, this doll is a hideous caricature of a hideous looking man! Buy this doll for your children if you want them to have nightmares.
Fanclub info inside? I am pretty sure you could fit the entire fanclub inside.
I really don’t even know what to say about this doll. I am speechless.
This doll comes with a bobblehead to give you an authentic recreation of Cruise’s couch moment on Oprah.
The problem with this doll is that they forgot to include the pins to stick in to it.
“A friend of Barbie” – yeah.. a very “special” friend. This doll also talks. That’s right – not only do you get to look at Rosie O’Donnell, you get to hear her voice! Worst marketing idea in history? I think so.
This doll is made by the same people that made the Saddam Hussein doll before his death. I am not sure what kind of people might want one of these but I am pretty damned sure you won’t find many in the USA.
For the Neo-Nazi in your life!
Where’s “Chucky”?
I remember seeing the president dolls in the American Section of Epcot at Disney, and I seriously considered getting one, just for the fun of it
I… Uh… I want the Adolf Hitler… action figure.
Seriously.
Does the set include Winston Churchill and Eisenhower.
No seriously, where can I get them.
Tonny SS: apparently you can get them here – but I couldn’t find it: http://www.pzg.biz
I am studying witchcraft, can some body help me to find a Chenney doll?
You would be studying Vodoun, if you wanted to do pins in a doll. You need to study harder.
This list covers even more:
http://www.cracked.com/article_15813_5-most-ill-conceived-action-figures.html
It would be wierder if a Stalin doll existed.
Dawn Bearer: I tried to find one and couldn’t
Any Barbie, or Bratz doll or other similar such, are vile in the extreme. Giving small girls adult toys is sick, forcing them to grow up too soon and conditioning body self-consciousness, and *****uality.
http://www.top10kid.com/?p=21
John Travolta and Mr. T dolls anyone?
Iola; c’mon that’s crap about the dolls. Influencing body self-consciousness. Depends on your up-bringing much more than the toys you play with. I had Barbie dolls; pushed in their boobs, cut their hair wonky, and then went out-side and built a tree-fort or built towns with the brother’s tonka trucks. Live with my mother for 10 minutes and you would overcome the Barbie-doll syndrome. Live with me for 10 seconds and you realize that Barbie Dolls and ***** Queens are not how real women look or act, ‘cuz I would tell you. Who wants to play with a doll that looks average? Its an imagination game. Teach your family the difference between fantasy and reality.
By the way since when did Rosie O’Donnell look exactly like Marie Osmond?
none of those dolls have anything on this monstrosity. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8XhBsxL_ps
The Bratz dolls need to be on the list. They’re just creepy.
LordCalvert: haha that is crazy!
Great now I am going to have nightmares!
We have a Michael Jackson doll. It is for sale for a good price. My mother in law bought and sold dolls. Mostly antique ones. We also have a complete set of The A Team dolls. Among others.
i think the george bush doll i have is even sweeter, it’s him wearing the aviation suit and saluting from when he was in a jet that landed on an aircraft carrier. did i mention that the salute is done with the left hand?
ugh pee-wee herman. my friend had one of those things when i was little. and i was already petrified of pee-wee’s playhouse. the doll didn’t really help the situation.
as for hilter, its a good thing the original barbies are blond and blue-eyed :-p
I found the Hitler doll from the site Jfrater provided, and they’re sold out. It was 175$ anyway, so that kills buying it for the heck of having an Adolf Hitler doll.
What.the.deuce.?!
Yup. Pretty much the best comment I can offer on this one.
Am I the only one thinking the Tom Cruise doll looks more like Bobby Kennedy?
I think the entire set of the A team dolls should be here! More creepier than Hitler!!
haha! I had the pee-wee doll!! I loved that thing.. it had the string in the back that you’d pull and it’d say “I know you are but what am I?” hahaha oh man…
good list
Back in high school I had a history teacher who had a Moses action figure, which had “Gliding Action”, meaning little wheels on the bottom.
lordcalvert:AHHH! My eyes are on fire!
Lolz, Lord Calvert, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.
I remember when the Michael Jackson doll hit the market. Eddie Murphy goofed on it on SNL. First he exposed the doll’s backside so the world: “so that’s what it looks like.”
Then he exposed the front, manikin like pelvis, remarking, “As you can see, these dolls are anatomically correct!”
THESE AREN’T DOLLS, THEY’RE ACTION FIGURES!!
dolls
The MC Hammer doll is missing.
So, no Churchill and Eisenhower action figures? I want them posing with Hitler.
PS: Action Figures, Action Figures, Action Figures
The Tom Cruise one is a bit out-of-sync with the rest of the list; I think it’s genuinely hilarious!
How’s the Adam’s Apple on the Ann Coulter doll? Anatomically correct, I hope? For some strange reason, I picture GI Joe beating the crap out of most of these, using his kung fu grip, or moonwalking all over Michael Jackson. Anybody want to stage some Celebrity Death Match-type photos?
hah the anne coulter doll says “americas real action heroes” on the box. When i think action hero, anne coulter is the first person who pops into my head.
Uh yeah…here you go:
http://www.cloudcuckooland.biz/dolls.htm
Check out the anatomically correct “Gay Bob”
Wow…um…I actually own the Michael Jackson doll that’s wearing the “Thriller” outfit. Yup…I’m a loser.
Nah, that was the era. It was perfectly fine to own one of those when they were put out, in fact, you weren't "cool" if you didn't do -something- that related to MJ.
Um… Wow…
Does any one else get that creepy child ***** case “Where did he touch you” vibe from the PeeWee Doll?
i hate ann coulter.
more like “america’s real action *****s”
I still have my Michael Jackson doll. I love it!
Is it just me or did anybody else notice that Pee wee Herman’s right hand is ready for action. The same kind of action he was arrested for in that X rated movie theater.
There was as pretty bad Paris Hilton doll that was absolutely nothing LIKE her. I do have to ask why anyone would want any of these dolls though! Love the list
Didn’t Urkel have his own doll?
I bought my ex the pee-wee doll a few yeasrs back for Christmas. It actually had some pretty funny sound clips. The reason I bought it was that he made the “ahhrhrrrhrhr” sound that he made in that Cheech and Chong movie when he said, “I’m NOT sorry I took the money! Ahhrhrrrhrhr!!!”
Blogball: Eeeww
In a children’s gallery/museum in Seoul there is a Cartman doll (South Park).
I’m surprised the Scientologists haven’t pulled the Tom Cruise doll…er, action figure…er, doll.
Very good point that the Michael Jackson doll is no longer accurate in regards to skin tone, various facial parts, pop-chart standing, etc. Reissuing the doll in a stark, pale ecru tone might help… utilizing the new polymers that allow for add on/wipe off coloring with supplied “paint” crayons, in order to simulate the many-changing skin moods of Michael. He can then go from beige to sepia to coffee brown and back to a pasty base tone in just a few fun-filled minutes… with easy wipe-off cleaning. Also, supply interchangeable nose/eyes/mouth/ears/cheekbones ala Mister Potato Head.
Noticeably only few elaborated comments on this subject. only few have an idea on dolls?
Mikerodz: there was a glitch in the site last night that stopped people commenting – hence the low number
The Elton John Doll: At least the “try me” arrow didn’t point someplace else.
Ann Coulter Doll: Barbie’s tight-assed next door neighbor. Attends cocktail party at Barbie’s Play Mansion, tells Ken to his face that he’s going to hell because he’s gay.
Tom Cruise Doll: The spring up the ass says it all. I’d put the Tom Cruise doll and the Elton Doll together… let the Vanilla Ice doll watch. And I’m sure the Rosie Doll would have something to say about it…
Rosie O’Donnell Doll: Speak of the devil (incarnate). So this doll talks, eh? It doesn’t say if there’s a way to get it to shut up, though….
George Bush Doll: Nope, no pins… too bad. Also, no way to tell which is stupider… the Bush that is nothing but a lump of plastic… or the freakin’ doll.
LOL to no end!
The Tom Cruise had me laughing me for so long… im in class too, this is bad…
HaHa. These are hilarious! Although I have to admit, I once owned a NKOTB doll, which is almost as funny as the Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer dolls.
I wonder which of these is the biggest seller.
I have the Rosie doll. She’s pretty chunky.
i think the MJ doll manufacturers should offer a free upgrade every time michael jackson changes his appearance. think that is only fair. it would probably lead to bankruptcy though!
The George Bush doll doesn’t even look like Bush. It looks like they had some left over Ronald Reagan dolls and just lighted up the hair a bit.
Blogball: That’s funny…I thought the same thing about the man the first time I saw him.
Randall: Ann Coulter is the devil incarnate. Rosie is just a hackneyed sub-demon, a Wormwood-type crony devil that hangs out in the shadows and cries itself to sleep knowing that it never accomplished anything it ever really felt it aspired to. As far as the Tom Cruise/Elton John thing goes, I think Elton John has a bit higher standards than that…at least one would hope he does.
SlickWilly:
You are ascribing high standards to a man (Elton John) who, as a rule, appears in sequined suits with garish-colored silk shirts, and who built his career-image on a gimmick of wearing incredibly bizarre eyewear.
Please sir, think before you write. I think all Elton would need is a couple glasses of chardonnay under his belt and he’d be all over Cruise.
Randall: I think that’s more a statement about Tom Cruise than Elton John. Personally, Tom doesn’t seem stable enough for someone like Elton. If EJ would stoop to buggering with a man of TC’s mental conditions, it would probably be a one-night stand situation, a “how’s your uncle?”, wham-bam-thank-ya-Sam of a whirlwind physical romance, and EJ would send Tom on his way the next morning with a plate of eggs and a look of muted rejection.
SlickWilly:
“…It would probably be a one-night stand situation, a “how’s your uncle?”, wham-bam-thank-ya-Sam of a whirlwind physical romance, and EJ would send Tom on his way the next morning with a plate of eggs and a look of muted rejection.”
You’ve been through this before, haven’t you, Slick?