Although the Bible can be inspiring and informative, there are some unusual verses that can be sexually explicit and, sometimes, even contradict the Ten Commandments. After discovering a few myself, I researched more into the matter and discovered some truly bizarre quotes from various passages. I ranked them based on what I thought were the most unusual. Enjoy! [NOTE: Quotes below may differ from those of other editions of the Bible - specifically the Douay-Rheims which is the Bible commonly used for quotations on Listverse.]
15. Numbers 31:32
These were the spoils which remained of the plunder taken by the fighting men: 675,000 sheep, 72,000 cattle, 61,000 donkeys, and as for persons, 32,000 young women who had had no intercourse with a man.
14. Genesis 16:8
And he said “Hagar, Sarai’s slave girl, where have you come from and where are you going?” She answered, “I’m running away from Sarai, my mistress.” The angel of the Lord said to her, “Go back to your mistress and submit to ill treatment at her hands.” [Pictured above]
13. Genesis 15:9
The Lord answered, “Bring me a heifer three years old, a she-goat, three years old, a ram three years old, a turtle dove and a young pigeon.”
12. Deut. 25:11
When two men are fighting and the wife of one of them intervenes to drag her husband clear of his opponent, if she puts out her hand and catches hold of the man by his privates, you must cut off her hand and show her no mercy.
11. Genesis 19:8
“Look, I have two daughters, virgins both of them. Let me bring them out to you and you could do what you like with them. But do nothing to these men because they have come under the shelter of my roof.”
10. Deut. 28:53
Then because of the dire straits to which you will be reduced when your enemy besieges you, you will eat your own children, the flesh of your sons and daughters whom the Lord has given you.
9. Judges 3:21
And Ehud reached with his left hand, took the sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. And the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the dung came out. [Pictured above]
8. Mark 14:51
A young man was following Him, wearing nothing but a linen sheet over his naked body; and they seized him. But he pulled free of the linen sheet and escaped naked.
7. Genesis 38:9
Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD; so He took his life also.
6. Ezekiel 16:17
You also took the fine jewelry I gave you, the jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you made for yourself male idols and engaged in prostitution with them.
5. Kings 2:23
Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you bald head! Go up, you bald head!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the Lord. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. [Pictured above]
4. Deut. 23:1
No man whose testicles have been crushed or whose organ has been cut off may become a member of the Assembly of God.
3. Leviticus 24:16
Whoever utters the name of the Lord must be put to death. The whole community must stone him, whether alien or native. If he utters the name, he must be put to death.
2. Exodus 4:24
And it came to pass by the way in the inn, that the Lord met him, and sought to kill him. Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, “Surely a bloody husband art thou to me”.
1. Ezekiel 23:19
Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.
Pretty fair representation of the nasty goings on in The Bible. Of course there are equally nice goings on; much more boring reading that would be.
Even when I went to Sunday School, so many eons ago, I realized that the Bible was NOT the literal truth. And I’ve grown up since then.
It’s not Jamie, people, and as a Christian, no, the list is not offensive and the site is definitely NOT anti-Christian.
Good list! Looking forward to the Koran version! When can we expect it?
It is important that you do not take a single verse out of the Bible and just interpret or read it as it is. It is crucial that you take the whole context–read the whole chapter, or the chapter before and after it, so that you would be able to understand the meaning of that particular verse.
Yes, I completely agree. You must know WHY she wanted to prostitute herself with enormous penises, over and over, like a cucumber being pushed into a donut, with a mayonnaise shotgun.
Only then will you be a good christian.
ahahhha….very descriptive….mayo shotgun…well done my friend
I’m sure she wasn’t forced into ***** or anything, because women were held with so much respect by the bible. Women always were and always will be instruments of the devil. So they must love donkey weiners and yogurt super soaker penis!
Which part, the bigotry?
According to the Bible you can`t eat Shrimp..
huh? on what particular reference in the Bible, my friend?
I think these stories were put in the Bible to make sure people were actually READING…
Taken out of context? They aren’t allegorical stories or parables. That’s the most frivolous example of straw-grasping I have evre encountered.
No you can’t dissect any book and locate messages or passages about rape, murder, genital mutilation, curses, donkey penises, horse *****s, filial cannabalism, misogyny, dismemberment and *****.
What an absolutely erroneous and egregious assertion. Seriously.
Well said, well said.
Actually, it is out of context on the donkey dick, horse sperm shooting action part.
That wasn’t talking about an actual woman, it was referring to the nation of Israel. Idolatry was referred to as ***** in the Bible, because you were pervertting your soul.
Although, might I add, the Bible isn’t some kiddie story about lovey dovey this and that, so even if this were the case, it wouldn’t contradict the Bible’s message, it would contradict Christianity, which is NOT the only religion which uses the Bible as a holy text. Song of Solomon is a romance book about the *****ual relations between Solomon and his lover, it even mentions oral *****, and large breasts
The bible is outdated, people are losing faith. Quick! It needs urgent modernisation so it can continue brainwashing people for another 2000 years
And these are strange, why?
LOL
And people wonder why I’m an Atheist
The Bible tells the story of a people—us. And where there are humans involved, you cannot guarantee yourself that you would be having all the good things. Just like what is evident today, there also existed *****ual immorality, orgies, *****, rape, slavery, murder, incest, theft, and whatever unimaginable thing there is during the times depicted in the Bible. Just because God and Jesus talked to them (or with them) doesn’t mean that it would be a perfect world now. We must remind ourselves that we humans have wicked hearts, and one way or another, we drive this world crazy. Let us not think highly of ourselves.
Coming tomorrow: fifteen bizarre Koran quotes.
Right?
Right?
Also coming next week: fifteen bizarre quotes from Mohammed … or Confucius … or Budda … or the Dalia Lama … or Jean Dixon … or Shirley McLaine … or …
wow….32 thousand virgins….
YAY! A list that has the believers and nonbelievers going at it full bore. Love this kind of discussion. Brings out the best…and worst of both!
Praise God. This is the only way you heathens will ever read a bible.
And this is what starts wars.
There’s so much more! The Christian Bible is sooooo evil! It’s the voodoo I tells ya!
Ya *****ed of the goddam christians! Hahaha so forgive the guy. Aren’t you supposed to be forgiving and all that? Hahaha fools!
Came here hoping to see Ezekiel 23:20. Was not disappointed.
You’re almost entirely accurate…The people who believe the Bible to be the literal truth have their hearts in the right place. It is most certainly a tool, but my friend I must tell you. It doesn’t give the literal truth about life, but the truth on how to live the only true way. Towards salvation. To save yourself.
Imagine if you were God, and we were your creations. Although, throughout history, you have a great foundation laid for us, but all of us choose to live wickedly. Because after all, he’s given us a choice. He knows that it’s just the way of human flesh to want to sin and have other fleshly desires. That’s why he’s given us the book and a choice. For the one true way to live. He says that we willl greatly be rewarded for it. Even if and i shutter to say this, None of this is real, I am completely proud of serving something so pure and true. If you really understand the way of Yahweh, if you understand the cross. You would know that HE wants ALL of his children with him in heaven.
Because the bible says that, right? Oh no, it says a bunch of people are going to BURN IN A LAKE OF FIRE FOR ALL ETERNITY for doing certain things. NOWHERE does the bible say “Everybody’s going to heaven” It says the exact opposite. There are even sins confession won’t make up for. Have you ever doubted the holy spirit, tuco? I hope not, or your holy book says you’ll burn forever.
And he has that power. Right?
some of the passages you quote as “bizarre” but when you look at the context, they really aren’t
15. Numbers 31:32
These were the spoils which remained of the plunder taken by the fighting men: 675,000 sheep, 72,000 cattle, 61,000 donkeys, and as for persons, 32,000 young women who had had no intercourse with a man.
the cananites were devoted to destruction, so all “breathing things” where to be killed. deut 20:16-18 explains that this was so that the isrealites didn’t pick up customs from the cananites shich included child sacrifice and temple *****. numbers 31 was directed at the midianites, which although did not technically fall under the mandate of deut 20, where in a similiar situation.
the isrealites were suppose to kill everyone, but at that time it was customary to subjugate your conquests. they could be used as slave or even wifes.
verse 13-20 shows that the isrealites where being disobedient. in essence they were demanding captives. but in this case it was allowed
regulations on “captive wives” (deut 21:10-14)
14. Genesis 16:8
And he said “Hagar, Sarai’s slave girl, where have you come from and where are you going?” She answered, “I’m running away from Sarai, my mistress.” The angel of the Lord said to her, “Go back to your mistress and submit to ill treatment at her hands.” [Pictured above]
what sarai did to hagar was wrong. but hagar was still abram’s responsibility. the angel told her she would be blessed for this in verse 10
13. Genesis 15:9
The Lord answered, “Bring me a heifer three years old, a she-goat, three years old, a ram three years old, a turtle dove and a young pigeon.”
a covenant with god regarding the “seed” is usually sealed with blood.
God was promising that his seed (and by extension, jesus) would number like the stars. verses 17-18 show that the animals were prepared to seal that covenant.
moses also had to spill blood (hebrews 9:16-20) (ex 24:3-8)
this was all symbolic of jesus forming a new covenant with his followers by presenting his blood.(luke 22:28-30)
12. Deut. 25:11
When two men are fighting and the wife of one of them intervenes to drag her husband clear of his opponent, if she puts out her hand and catches hold of the man by his privates, you must cut off her hand and show her no mercy.
reproductive abilities are important to god. this scripture and the one found at ex 21:22-25 show that since punishment for a killed fetus is “soul for a soul”.
even though in a fight, a man’s testes are a “weakspot”, proper respect for thier there reproductive power should be shown
11. Genesis 19:8
“Look, I have two daughters, virgins both of them. Let me bring them out to you and you could do what you like with them. But do nothing to these men because they have come under the shelter of my roof.”
the men of the city were deplorable, even to go as far as to try to rape the angels. the situation of lots must have been and incredibly tense one. however i suspect that the reason this verse seems strange to us is a cultural difference. today, we put family over guests. we are also alot less generous with “strangers or outsiders”. we dont “slaughter the bull” to provide a meal anymore. fortunately, lot didn’t need to send out his daughters but it most likely, the safety of his guests were more important to him that the safety of his daughters.
weird, yes.
10. Deut. 28:53
Then because of the dire straits to which you will be reduced when your enemy besieges you, you will eat your own children, the flesh of your sons and daughters whom the Lord has given you.
this was a warning god was giving to the isrealites regarding thier obedience. and unfortunatly it came true. in 70 ad, after the jews not only missed the spirit of the mosaic law but also rejecting the one who the law pointed to, came under siege from the romans. josephous (sp?) reported that they were infact so desparate that they were literally eating thier children. this being after millions of jews being let into jerusalem for festivals, but not being allowed to leave. this aggravating the food supply during the seige.
9. Judges 3:21
And Ehud reached with his left hand, took the sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. And the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the dung came out. [Pictured above]
yeah this first is weird. although sword were shorter, it still shows just how fat this king was
8. Mark 14:51
A young man was following Him, wearing nothing but a linen sheet over his naked body; and they seized him. But he pulled free of the linen sheet and escaped naked.
yea i agree, thats weird
7. Genesis 38:9
Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD; so He took his life also.
so many people use this verse to say that this is against ***** for contraception. it isn’t. the sin was that onan refused to perform brother in law marriage and thereby dishonored his brother.
see verse 8. the law is mentioned at deut 25:5,6. this was to preserve the brother’s name and inheritance as well as provide security for the widow.
6. Ezekiel 16:17
You also took the fine jewelry I gave you, the jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you made for yourself male idols and engaged in ***** with them.
this sort of thing was common amoung the pagan nations surrounding isreal. you can even go to mueseums and see carved phallics.
the context of the verses shows this in a bad like
5. Kings 2:23
Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you bald head! Go up, you bald head!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the Lord. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. [Pictured above]
the children were mocking a prophet which is something god did not take lightly. he did similiar with korah, who challenged moses, and even kings of isreal who disregarded priestly arrangements
4. Deut. 23:1
No man whose testicles have been crushed or whose organ has been cut off may become a member of the Assembly of God.
this is specifically referring to intentional castration which evidently was for immoral puroposes.
compare with Le 21:17-21; De 25:11, 12, it refers to men with crushed testicles who ARE part of the congregation.
3. Leviticus 24:16
Whoever utters the name of the Lord must be put to death. The whole community must stone him, whether alien or native. If he utters the name, he must be put to death.
not completely quoted correctly, the KJV convays this as “who blasphemes the name” or uses it in a curse.
2. Exodus 4:24
And it came to pass by the way in the inn, that the Lord met him, and sought to kill him. Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, “Surely a bloody husband art thou to me”.
moses and zipporah did not circumcise thier child as per the covenant god made with abraham.
barne’s notes on the bible puts it this way
“A bloody husband – Literally, “a husband of blood,” or “bloods.” The meaning is: The marriage bond between us is now sealed by blood. By performing the rite, Zipporah had recovered her husband; his life was purchased for her by the blood of her child.”
1. Ezekiel 23:19
Yet she increased her *****, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in ***** in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.
the relationship isreal had with god was often related to a marriage, ezekial was describing isreal’s disobedience as that of a *****’s
Xavier, the fact that you think that context makes those verses acceptable for modern life, speaks vollumes about how the bible corrupts people’s minds in to believing terrible things are ok if god says so.
You know, in the Bible it says the when the 2nd coming happens, that people like you will know what it is and will WAIL at the coming. Do you know what to wail means? The Bible puts emphasis on it. Your gut will wrench, and the spirit of conviction will be unbearable, unmerciful, and right in your face.
Shows you how horribly misogynistic Christianity is, in point form. Definitely not “ha-ha funny”. More like funny sad. Remember folks, this is one of the planets major religions.
Oh man!…
Sarah – 1
Khatool – 0
Haha sensitive christians. Supposedly you got the most powerful being on your side but you’re easily offended by an online list. And you have to defend this being? Hahahaha tools!
Number fourteen is a grave misquote…so I didn’t even bother reading the rest of the list.
(actual literal translation: “Submit yourself to her authority”).
List fail.
im a muslim and i believe the bible is a holly book from god..
it shouldnt be used to amuse people or allow ignorant comments to be made about it… have respect for people beliefs..
No. Stupid beliefs, which people believe in for BAD reasons deserve no respect whatsoever. Your beliefs are getting people maimed and killed in this world, and you acting like beliefs are off limits to criticism is helping that. You believe, for terrible reasons, that the bible is a book from the creator of the universe and therefor we should respect you? That is rediculous. I’ll respect you if you do something good that takes effort, not believe something for bad reasons, that does harm, and calling yourself virtuous for it. Would you respect me for saying the flying spaghetti monster created the universe, and we should all worship him as god? No, you would not. Yet I would have just as much evidence for my claims as you do, and mine would make just as much sense as yours.
Amen, and just because God shows mens’ foolishness and evil doe not mean he condones anything that went on. Just shows the depravity of man. Plus the background of some of the without knowing the reasons behind the scenes will make them look bad, but whan you do not know the whole story it is easy to make a mock.
laugh my ass off
If these quotes are out of context, how is “#14, Genesis 19:8″ to be interpreted? Not trying to be a jerk, just curious.
The bible, the best fiction ever written
BIBLE. http://wtflindseyp.blogspot.com/
its really obvious your not reading the bible
funny atheists do not see the REASONING for this verses.
I’m a Christian and I do admit these quotes contradict the whole Biblical message. These are probably not the only self contradicting quotes but then again, if you look at the King James Version, the quotes are slightly different. the only thing you can conclude is that it’s really hard to translate a language from almost 2000 YEARS ago. it’s common sense, real religion is found within yourself and the universe (nature). you can translate a sentence from spanish to english and both of the meanings would be entirely different.
That’s why you have to read the bible completely. Telling random verses without you even reading the entire book or story for that matter would only make you look dumb.
At least read the whole chapter just for you to have an idea on what is happening when those verses were said. You can do this in any book. Any verse would look weird for a person who reads the bible just so he can post something in his website.
Yes! It should!
Uh, what translation are you using? Some of the verses you stated aren’t even in the Bible as you have them written. In fact you’ve somehow put entirely different words in certain spots. such as in Leviticus 24:16, the word is not “utter” it is “blaspheme”
I like this site, and I believe in the Bible (I have sense about me when it comes to it though), but if you’re going to post stuff on it make sure you have your facts straight.
Out of context, they may seem funny or bizzare, but in context, or with more knowledge behind the reason or story of the surrounding verses, they make sense. This list is kinda pointless. Nobody should read verses out of context.
Hey if you are interpreting stuff however you want i find this interpretation more satisfying
Hats off to the Guy who made this .. Good satire
http://www.*****inchrist.com/
what a stupid and silly quotes. Surething I’m not a believer of bible. Bible was not the word of or about God. Jesus was fake. Bible is just a stupid book.
Just goes to show: NEVER trust non-Christians or Non-Jews to do a critique on Holy Scripture: They’ll get it DEAD WRONG everytime!
Boring. Yawn. Sounds like old school Mariah, only not as good. All I can hear is her *****y ugly face. She really has ruined things for me with her awful attitude. I just picture her talking trash to everyone in the studio while recorded. Such a waste. She just turns everyone off.
You can take a closer look at the bible with http://www.VirtualHolyBible.com
well , a single verse in the Bible Doesnt tell the whole story . and besides . almost all of these are from the old covenant . but interesting list though.
How are any of these bizarre or contradictory? None of the inappropriate acts mentioned were condoned. Am I to attribute this to skeptics of simple mind? Even removed from context, most of these are just facts or project the image of intriguing nonsense. The only logical inference is that this is, at best, a rudimentary attempt at humor, at which it fails miserably. Nevertheless, congratulations on wasting several minutes of my life. All of which, I hope, are robbed of yours.
Maybe that’s the problem they should have been condoned.
To be fair some of these are not interpreted correctly. Depending on the type of Bible you use, you get VERY different translations of words. For instance on # 3 the correct translation and the translation found in the KJV the word is “blasphemes” not “utters”. The Israelites were not to blaspheme the name of God. They could certainly utter it.
Just because there is an account given of someone’s actions doesn’t mean God is approving of something. God did not instruct Lot to offer his daughters to the lusting mob trying to get at the angels (messengers). That was Lot’s idea. In fact, right after Lot made the offer the angels made it so the offer was moot by blinding the horny mob of men so Lot’s family could get the hell outta there before the city was destroyed.
That being said, I liked the list. I recognized most of the scriptures, even the one aout the obese king whose bowels released after he was stabbed. That normally happens when a person dies so it’s not all that bizzare to me, but ok.
Also ancient jews liked motocycling:
Psalms 118:15 “The voice of Triumph and salvation is in the tents of the righteous”
this is why i think ppl should not believe in this crap. god and jesus are fake and there is no other god like satan. think about it if there was such things what would you choose. (GOD) — when you die he traps you away and never lets you walk the earth again. or (SATAN) — when you die he tells you if you want to walk the earth again to kill 100 evil men. i think id go with satan all the way he will grant you life while god is a gready Son Of A Bit*h and will keep you locked up. if you pick god you like jail and if you like jail you are gay cuz you like it in the as*
This is retarded…. i don’t event think those are real, don’t know who to beleave
I remember when I use to read the bible every night before bed, there were many strange passages that I didn’t understand. I loved the passage in Revelations about the ***** who rode a bull with many horns, naked except a transparent scarlet cloth (although I think I wanted to be her more so than condem her for her whorish ways). Then, one night, I read a story about two daughters that got their father drunk and had ***** with him to carry on the family blood. After that, I thought, “WTF am I reading?”
Long story short, Christianity started to make less and less sense to me as I grew older. The bizzare book, speaking “tongues” (I prayed for years for the ability to speak tongues, I was so jealous of my older brother who said he could do it, although I never saw it), the praying to air and having imaginary conversations with “god” (it was really me talking to myself in my head, convinced it must be god talking to me)
The only time I ever really felt a spark of connection with “god” was when I was on a christian retreat. That feeling of “connection” I had with “god” is the same exact feeling I get when I go running in nature, when I feel the rain on my skin, when I practice yoga, when I feel the sun on my skin or when I swim naked. It’s the feeling of a connection between my inner self and the world around me, not some magical farie sky creature.
Hey, you need an experience with the Lord Jesus Christ. When you ask him into your life and make him your personal Savior then and only then will it all make sense. God send Jesus into this world to Save them that are lost. You may say saved from what. Saved from Hell. There is a destiny for all mankind, either Heaven or Hell. That is why Jesus died on the Cross and Shed his blood for your sins and mind. No one goes to heaven because they are good and live a good clean moral life as some folks say, and no one goes to hell because the are “bad” (or course that helps). A person goes to Hell because they reject Jesus Christ and/either they go to Heaven because they have accepted Jesus as their personal savior. That is the way God set it up, so, if you say in your heart you don’t want anything to do with Jesus, you sign your own Fate. Jesus is the answer for a dying world. It’d not going to get any better. As it was in the days of Noah, so it is in the days we live in now. Read it for yourself and compare the lifestyle of people. It says Noah ‘Preached ’120 years while building the Ark, true people laughed at him, made fun, you name it. You see who had the last laugh. God means business and what he says, he loves His creation but he Hates Sin. The penalty for Sin is Death. Jesus came to wash away all our sins and redeem us back to the Father, with the shedding of his Blood. Are you washed? Have you been Born Again. Recognize you need him in your life and Ask Him to be lord of your life, submit to Him and Ask him to save you. He is on his way back as he said he would to take all those who have said yes to Him and turn their backs on sin and its pleasures. There are benefits in serving Jesus. Will you be ready to meet Him when he comes back. He is coming back for those who are looking for his return. Yes, I may sound fanatical to someone, but, I know what I know. Jesus said ‘You Must Be Born Again’ read it in the Book of St. John for yourself. You cannot say it is not true if you have not done so. That means give your life to Jesus and He will become your closes’ friend and a part of Gods’ family. Read it for yourself. Ask the to open up your understand while you read the Bible. Right now what I have written to some, will sound foolish, I say, how can you understand if you don’t know Jesus. Accept Him in your life and all things will Become new. Be real with your self, you know where you stand. Do you want to go to Heaven or Hell, the choice is yours. I hope you say yes to Jesus.
Oh that’s alright then, nice sense of reasoning
I had enough trouble with Ted Bundy to let another psychopath in.
Not only are these taken out of context many are just a simple statement of what has happened. Straight shooters all of them. Furthermore oftentimes translations can sound a bit oddly phrased.
LOL, their seminal emision was as strong as stallions! Classic. Very interesting list.
Bible = Old school pRon. /chuckle
Yes, I agree! What is the point you’re making! You got to know what the text is talking about. People are still doing weird things in todays world.
And how is having ***** with a woman’s corpse misleading