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Top 10 Worst Dolls Ever

Do you have a child with a birthday coming up? Then let me strongly recommend that you not buy them one of the dolls on this list. From superstars of music to politicians, this is a list of the worst dolls ever – and I really do mean ever. Ranked in order of least vile to most (as best as I could), here they are:

10

Michael Jackson

Michaeljackson7800

Why any person would want to own a Michael Jackson doll is beyond me. Surely even his most die-hard fans would draw the line here. It is also extremely out of date – both the skin color and nose are nothing at all like the “real” Michael.

9

Elton John

Elton John

More disturbing than the fact that this doll was even made in the first place is the “try me” button on his stomach. Thanks Elton, but no thanks!


8

Pee wee Herman

Peewee

This one is wrong on so many levels. Putting aside his hard times with the law, this doll is a hideous caricature of a hideous looking man! Buy this doll for your children if you want them to have nightmares.

7

Vanilla Ice

Ice-Doll

Fanclub info inside? I am pretty sure you could fit the entire fanclub inside.

6

Anne Coulter

Coulterdoll

I really don’t even know what to say about this doll. I am speechless.

5

Tom Cruise

Tom-Cruise-Bobble-Head

This doll comes with a bobblehead to give you an authentic recreation of Cruise’s couch moment on Oprah.


4

George Bush

Bushdoll

The problem with this doll is that they forgot to include the pins to stick in to it.

3

Rosie O’Donnell

Rosie-2

“A friend of Barbie” – yeah.. a very “special” friend. This doll also talks. That’s right – not only do you get to look at Rosie O’Donnell, you get to hear her voice! Worst marketing idea in history? I think so.


2

Osama Bin Laden

Osama

This doll is made by the same people that made the Saddam Hussein doll before his death. I am not sure what kind of people might want one of these but I am pretty damned sure you won’t find many in the USA.

1

Adolf Hitler

Hitlerdoll

For the Neo-Nazi in your life!

Listverse Staff

Listverse is a place for explorers. Together we seek out the most fascinating and rare gems of human knowledge. Three or more fact-packed lists daily.

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  • teacherman

    Where’s “Chucky”?

  • jevanzz

    I remember seeing the president dolls in the American Section of Epcot at Disney, and I seriously considered getting one, just for the fun of it :D

  • Tonny SS

    I… Uh… I want the Adolf Hitler… action figure.

    Seriously.

    Does the set include Winston Churchill and Eisenhower.
    No seriously, where can I get them.

  • Tonny SS: apparently you can get them here – but I couldn’t find it: http://www.pzg.biz

  • Mikerodz

    I am studying witchcraft, can some body help me to find a Chenney doll?

    • Nack

      You would be studying Vodoun, if you wanted to do pins in a doll. You need to study harder. ;)

  • Scott
  • Dawn Bearer

    It would be wierder if a Stalin doll existed.

  • Dawn Bearer: I tried to find one and couldn’t :)

  • lola

    Any Barbie, or Bratz doll or other similar such, are vile in the extreme. Giving small girls adult toys is sick, forcing them to grow up too soon and conditioning body self-consciousness, and sexuality.

  • corinthian0430

    http://www.top10kid.com/?p=21

    John Travolta and Mr. T dolls anyone?

  • Mom424

    Iola; c’mon that’s crap about the dolls. Influencing body self-consciousness. Depends on your up-bringing much more than the toys you play with. I had Barbie dolls; pushed in their boobs, cut their hair wonky, and then went out-side and built a tree-fort or built towns with the brother’s tonka trucks. Live with my mother for 10 minutes and you would overcome the Barbie-doll syndrome. Live with me for 10 seconds and you realize that Barbie Dolls and Porn Queens are not how real women look or act, ‘cuz I would tell you. Who wants to play with a doll that looks average? Its an imagination game. Teach your family the difference between fantasy and reality.

    By the way since when did Rosie O’Donnell look exactly like Marie Osmond?

  • LordCalvert

    none of those dolls have anything on this monstrosity. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8XhBsxL_ps

  • Ginger Lee

    The Bratz dolls need to be on the list. They’re just creepy.

  • LordCalvert: haha that is crazy!

  • JwJwBean

    Great now I am going to have nightmares!

    We have a Michael Jackson doll. It is for sale for a good price. My mother in law bought and sold dolls. Mostly antique ones. We also have a complete set of The A Team dolls. Among others.

  • Purdnasty

    i think the george bush doll i have is even sweeter, it’s him wearing the aviation suit and saluting from when he was in a jet that landed on an aircraft carrier. did i mention that the salute is done with the left hand?

  • adorabelle

    ugh pee-wee herman. my friend had one of those things when i was little. and i was already petrified of pee-wee’s playhouse. the doll didn’t really help the situation.

    as for hilter, its a good thing the original barbies are blond and blue-eyed :-p

  • Dustfinger

    I found the Hitler doll from the site Jfrater provided, and they’re sold out. It was 175$ anyway, so that kills buying it for the heck of having an Adolf Hitler doll.

  • FifthSonata

    What.the.deuce.?!
    Yup. Pretty much the best comment I can offer on this one.

  • AnotherEngine

    Am I the only one thinking the Tom Cruise doll looks more like Bobby Kennedy?

  • Harsha

    I think the entire set of the A team dolls should be here! More creepier than Hitler!!

  • Jona

    haha! I had the pee-wee doll!! I loved that thing.. it had the string in the back that you’d pull and it’d say “I know you are but what am I?” hahaha oh man…

    good list :)

  • Punjar

    Back in high school I had a history teacher who had a Moses action figure, which had “Gliding Action”, meaning little wheels on the bottom.

  • Csimmons

    lordcalvert:AHHH! My eyes are on fire!

  • Concerned Observer

    Lolz, Lord Calvert, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

  • Namowal

    I remember when the Michael Jackson doll hit the market. Eddie Murphy goofed on it on SNL. First he exposed the doll’s backside so the world: “so that’s what it looks like.”
    Then he exposed the front, manikin like pelvis, remarking, “As you can see, these dolls are anatomically correct!”

  • jimmyschaps

    THESE AREN’T DOLLS, THEY’RE ACTION FIGURES!!

  • scott

    dolls

  • MadBess

    The MC Hammer doll is missing.

  • Tonny SS

    So, no Churchill and Eisenhower action figures? I want them posing with Hitler. :(

    PS: Action Figures, Action Figures, Action Figures

  • Marco

    The Tom Cruise one is a bit out-of-sync with the rest of the list; I think it’s genuinely hilarious!

  • QDV

    How’s the Adam’s Apple on the Ann Coulter doll? Anatomically correct, I hope? For some strange reason, I picture GI Joe beating the crap out of most of these, using his kung fu grip, or moonwalking all over Michael Jackson. Anybody want to stage some Celebrity Death Match-type photos?

  • tokabul

    hah the anne coulter doll says “americas real action heroes” on the box. When i think action hero, anne coulter is the first person who pops into my head.

  • BishopWhiteT

    Uh yeah…here you go:
    http://www.cloudcuckooland.biz/dolls.htm
    Check out the anatomically correct “Gay Bob”

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  • Mandi

    Wow…um…I actually own the Michael Jackson doll that’s wearing the “Thriller” outfit. Yup…I’m a loser.

    • Nack

      Nah, that was the era. It was perfectly fine to own one of those when they were put out, in fact, you weren't "cool" if you didn't do -something- that related to MJ.

  • Um… Wow…

  • Does any one else get that creepy child sex case “Where did he touch you” vibe from the PeeWee Doll?

  • loseitbonkers

    i hate ann coulter.

  • loseitbonkers

    more like “america’s real action assholes”

  • Yikkity

    I still have my Michael Jackson doll. I love it!

  • Is it just me or did anybody else notice that Pee wee Herman’s right hand is ready for action. The same kind of action he was arrested for in that X rated movie theater.

  • SarahJ

    There was as pretty bad Paris Hilton doll that was absolutely nothing LIKE her. I do have to ask why anyone would want any of these dolls though! Love the list

  • MImanic

    Didn’t Urkel have his own doll?

  • BishopWhiteT

    I bought my ex the pee-wee doll a few yeasrs back for Christmas. It actually had some pretty funny sound clips. The reason I bought it was that he made the “ahhrhrrrhrhr” sound that he made in that Cheech and Chong movie when he said, “I’m NOT sorry I took the money! Ahhrhrrrhrhr!!!”

  • Lizzie

    Blogball: Eeeww

  • astraya

    In a children’s gallery/museum in Seoul there is a Cartman doll (South Park).

  • I’m surprised the Scientologists haven’t pulled the Tom Cruise doll…er, action figure…er, doll.

  • Randall

    Very good point that the Michael Jackson doll is no longer accurate in regards to skin tone, various facial parts, pop-chart standing, etc. Reissuing the doll in a stark, pale ecru tone might help… utilizing the new polymers that allow for add on/wipe off coloring with supplied “paint” crayons, in order to simulate the many-changing skin moods of Michael. He can then go from beige to sepia to coffee brown and back to a pasty base tone in just a few fun-filled minutes… with easy wipe-off cleaning. Also, supply interchangeable nose/eyes/mouth/ears/cheekbones ala Mister Potato Head.

  • Mikerodz

    Noticeably only few elaborated comments on this subject. only few have an idea on dolls?

  • Mikerodz: there was a glitch in the site last night that stopped people commenting – hence the low number :)

  • Randall

    The Elton John Doll: At least the “try me” arrow didn’t point someplace else.

    Ann Coulter Doll: Barbie’s tight-assed next door neighbor. Attends cocktail party at Barbie’s Play Mansion, tells Ken to his face that he’s going to hell because he’s gay.

    Tom Cruise Doll: The spring up the ass says it all. I’d put the Tom Cruise doll and the Elton Doll together… let the Vanilla Ice doll watch. And I’m sure the Rosie Doll would have something to say about it…

    Rosie O’Donnell Doll: Speak of the devil (incarnate). So this doll talks, eh? It doesn’t say if there’s a way to get it to shut up, though….

    George Bush Doll: Nope, no pins… too bad. Also, no way to tell which is stupider… the Bush that is nothing but a lump of plastic… or the freakin’ doll.

    • Amanda

      LOL Randall, I was thinking the same thing when I saw the Elton John doll too!!

  • rodrigo

    LOL to no end!

    The Tom Cruise had me laughing me for so long… im in class too, this is bad…

  • MzFly

    HaHa. These are hilarious! Although I have to admit, I once owned a NKOTB doll, which is almost as funny as the Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer dolls.
    I wonder which of these is the biggest seller.

  • Joss

    I have the Rosie doll. She’s pretty chunky.

  • AT86

    i think the MJ doll manufacturers should offer a free upgrade every time michael jackson changes his appearance. think that is only fair. it would probably lead to bankruptcy though!

  • The George Bush doll doesn’t even look like Bush. It looks like they had some left over Ronald Reagan dolls and just lighted up the hair a bit.

  • SlickWilly

    Blogball: That’s funny…I thought the same thing about the man the first time I saw him.

    Randall: Ann Coulter is the devil incarnate. Rosie is just a hackneyed sub-demon, a Wormwood-type crony devil that hangs out in the shadows and cries itself to sleep knowing that it never accomplished anything it ever really felt it aspired to. As far as the Tom Cruise/Elton John thing goes, I think Elton John has a bit higher standards than that…at least one would hope he does.

  • Randall

    SlickWilly:

    You are ascribing high standards to a man (Elton John) who, as a rule, appears in sequined suits with garish-colored silk shirts, and who built his career-image on a gimmick of wearing incredibly bizarre eyewear.

    Please sir, think before you write. I think all Elton would need is a couple glasses of chardonnay under his belt and he’d be all over Cruise.

  • SlickWilly

    Randall: I think that’s more a statement about Tom Cruise than Elton John. Personally, Tom doesn’t seem stable enough for someone like Elton. If EJ would stoop to buggering with a man of TC’s mental conditions, it would probably be a one-night stand situation, a “how’s your uncle?”, wham-bam-thank-ya-Sam of a whirlwind physical romance, and EJ would send Tom on his way the next morning with a plate of eggs and a look of muted rejection.

  • Randall

    SlickWilly:

    “…It would probably be a one-night stand situation, a “how’s your uncle?”, wham-bam-thank-ya-Sam of a whirlwind physical romance, and EJ would send Tom on his way the next morning with a plate of eggs and a look of muted rejection.”

    You’ve been through this before, haven’t you, Slick?

  • SlickWilly

    Randal:

    ………*I* didn’t get any eggs. :(

    And it was less muted rejection and more a mixture of pain, fear, confusion and perverse satisfaction. And a slight limp.

  • Randall

    SlickWilly:

    Good god, the pathos….

    and I don’t wanna hear the details….

  • Rosa

    They should remake the Michael Jackson with a new feature: When sprayed with cold water, his skin becomes white and his nose shrinks, when sprayed with warm water, he looks like a human being once more!!! :)

  • Twisted Diogenes

    Did anyone mention the child killer, Freddy Kreuger doll? It had a short life on the toy store shelves before being yanked.

    Does that warning lable on the Elton John doll say it’s a “choking hazzard”?

  • WWII Reanactior

    So where do you go to get the Hitler doll?

  • neveragain

    coulter and hitler should be closer to each other

  • Ghidoran

    Hey! My story about the end of the world has Neo-nazis in it!

  • amanda

    The Bratz dolls should be on this list! I hate going through Target and seeing clothes for little girls that look like something a prostitute would wear. Barbies are fine, but the Bratz are crossing a line. Also, I have a Hilary nutcracker. Would that count as a doll?

  • amanda: the nutracker definitely counts! And I agree about the bratz! Dirty little sluts!

  • thefatbasturd

    I have the Hitler. Also a Red Barron and a Castro. Everyone knows you gotta have bad guys for the good guys to fight. As for Eisenhower and FDR, Hasbro did a General Eisenhower figure in their G. I. Joe Line (As well as Bradley and Patton) and at one time some company showed a prototype of an FDR with his wheelchair, I don’t know if it was ever produced. I’m pretty sure at least one of the Talking Presidents lines contained FDR I have TR from one and Clinton, Bush (pilot suit), Reagan, and Dick Cheney from the other.

  • WearShades

    Anne Coulter and Adolf Hitler could easily be 1a and 1b…

    Here are some gems from Coulter:

    “We just want the Jews to be perfected.”

    “Yes, those scheming Jews have had their eyes on the ocean state for as long as I can remember.”

    Talk about intolerance, no part of this woman’s mind operates in reality.

  • Du

    xD thats sped man.. totally sped xD

    you should include a link to something on amazon or some other place so we can buy them xD

  • mariposa

    I actually had the peewee herman doll when I was a little kid. It looked exactly like that and it was awesome.

  • mariposa: what exactly did you do with it? :) I simply can’t imagine how you could play with such a thing!

  • mariposa

    it had a string on its back and when you pulled it, it would say silly peewee herman-ish things. apparently i’ve had a sick sense of humor my whole life because i thought it was hilarious at 2 years old.

  • thefatbasturd

    And somewhere my dad has a WHOLE fraking case of New Kids on the Block figures he bought on clearance at Wal-Mart thinking they were the next Beatles. Bad call, Dad.

  • JwJwBean

    I have the Freddy Kreuger doll and the Edward Scissorhands doll. We actually have a lot of dolls. My mother in law bought, sold, and collected dolls. She passed a few years ago. We don’t have all of her dolls, but we have a few.

  • JwJwBean

    I forgot to mention in her doll shop she had Drag Queen Barbies. One of the men who collected dolls in her doll club made them. They were totally funny.

  • Karpy

    ::shudder:: there’s an ann coulter doll? does it blatantly put down religions other than christianity? That’s what I’d expect from a doll like that.

  • thefatbasturd

    Probably it does, Karpy. It is a talking doll from one of the Talking President makers and uses actual sound clips from her. They also make a Dennis Miller.

  • OMG I had that PeeWee Herman doll. I loved it!

  • skeev

    I’ve seen a few versions of the Hitler doll for sale before in different uniforms. I believe they also made a Himmler.

  • Rocky

    Tell me where to find an Elton John doll! I want one. now.

  • Caleb

    I own the peewee herman doll. we got it at a yardsale when i was little. It use to scare me to death.

  • Drogo

    I’m curious. What happens if you try Elton’s button, and do I want to know what happens? :)

  • Simons

    Lol wtf

  • ksctyval

    Good grief…there’s an Ann Coulter doll? Does it come with a manual suggesting things to say to offend others? Why on earth would someone even propose making a doll in her likeness?

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  • Spir

    I’m sure there are some messed up dolls out there that aren’t based on real people.

  • Diogenes

    seeing that the pee-wee and the vanilla ice are right next to one another, i can easily see them cut in two vertically and the halfs, of each, stiched to their partner’s seperate sides..and this would create for silly fools interested pocket books a frazzeled sortafair in such things. Send your monies , care of Diogenes, when you deside to do this deed.

  • POlly Odyssey

    Where’s the Crazy Cat Lady Doll?

  • Kelly

    Elton John doll should not be on this list (EJ fan here obviously) but EJ would not give Cruise the time of day. He has no tolerance for people with such arrogance. As far as his suits and stuff, WHY DON’T YOU BASH KISS?? They dressed up w/bizarre outfits and EVEN wore makeup, but you don’t put their dolls on here or make fun of them. Everyone had a style back then to distinguish them from others and thank goodness EJ just didn’t come on stage with ripped up jeans and a tshirt. No excitement there.

    As for Cruise, he needs a reality check…he is NOT God. I don’t hate him but he thinks he is all that and he is NOT.

  • Polly Odyssey

    I found a doll of Sigmund Freud once. It should be on this list.

  • Meagan

    Two words….Justin…Timberlake.

  • JazJ

    I would buy the Ann Coulter doll just so I could twist it’s head off and spit on it. As for the Hillary doll, well when are we going to get the Obama doll saying change, or the McCain doll saying, I’m Bush’s Biatch.

  • Taija

    The Elton John doll seems kinda out of place.

    Otherwise it’s a really funny list.

  • Jael

    My mum gave my dad the George Bush action figure for his birthday a few years ago. Quite funny that it’s on this list. Maybe I should show it to them.

    By the way, my dad didn’t like the action figure. I think he hid it in his closet.

  • tomboygurl

    nice i think one of my aunts used an vinlla ice doll for a joke on april 1st

  • clairdanielle

    I love the blatant display of homophobia in this article.

  • Ford

    The Ann Coulter doll… push the button and it says:

    “We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity.” [about the Middle East]

    “Not all Muslims may be terrorists, but all terrorists are Muslims.”

    “If we took away women’s right to vote, we’d never have to worry about another Democrat president.”

    “God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, the trees. God said, ‘Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It’s yours.’ ”

    Wow!! Such insight!! …..

    And she still has a career after this shit?!? My god what and idiot.

  • Ford

    [what *an* idiot]

    typo-itis strikes again

  • gman

    Is the Ann Coulter doll anatomically correct? I mean, does it have a penis?

  • Denzell

    I want those dolls, er- action figures… in my room collection. I actually think this list can give me good laughs.

  • michael

    look at the hot toys michael jackson its amazing

  • hilly

    That Coulter doll is wayyyy too good looking to ever pass as an accurate caricature of such a hideous woman.

  • Paulb

    This is more like top 10 best dolls lol

  • sol

    Where is Robert Mugabe?

  • Andyb123

    We all remember Pee-Wee’s hard times with the law. Ahem.
    Nice and weird list.

  • kay

    My Social Studies teacher has a bush doll in his classroom. It even talks! I think it would be fun to have president dolls.

  • creepygirlfriend

    There is a collection of dolls called autopsy babies that are pretty twisted, and deserve an honorable mention. Although there is a very adorable Pinhead.

  • porkido

    Do not hate on Pee-Wee!

  • jodie

    i’m scared of all of them

  • farang

    I want a Barack Hussein Obama doll so I can cut the evil Kenyan’s head off.

  • sillybunny

    you forgot one: janet jackson wardrobe malfunction

  • CanadianGirl

    LOL Rosie O’ donell friend of barbie!
    Number 1 and 2 are the worst and number 8 is suuuuuuuppppppeeeerrrrr crrrrreeeeeeeppppppppyyyyyyyyy. I’d rather have a chucky doll than that creepy thing.
    Hannah Montana dolls should be on here too because those things are soooooo weird and creepy.

  • Cez

    hey! what about the barak obama bobble-head? or isn’t that doll enough?

    also, u forgot that baby doll that’s made to pee. i can’t remember it’s name.

  • PugFreek

    has anyone else herd of a librarian action fugure?

  • zian

    the michal jackson doll is worth alot now that he has passed away and its not all that creapy

  • Trekkerette

    I’m hooked. Where’s the MJ doll?

  • deathangleloki

    wat no jesus action figure with holy miricle grip?

  • alice

    just give me a good old fashion barbie doll!

  • hinkle von dinkle

    baby wee wee, it had a dick like a tap and was marketed as a doll that could piss.
    that’s gotta be up there

  • phil

    you forgot the chavez doll wearing a military uniform and a red beret, i lol`ed when i saw it

  • Ror

    To be fair the Rosie O’Donnell doll came out when she was known as the “queen of nice” , she was beloved by all, very popular with kids (she hosted the nick awards many times). But then she became a mean butch and no one likes her anymore.

  • natapillar

    Rosie O’Donnell doll? i would like to rip off it’s head and place it in the oven!

    and,uhm…”where’s chucky?” ….. just imagine the rosie doll mating with the M.J doll,and i think u will see images of chucky in there!

  • natapillar

    lol where is buddy christ? although that was a good figurine to have!

  • frankie

    I had the Michael Jackson. My dad ran it over with the lawnmower. I also had a Steve Urkel doll, which spoke. My nieces have it now… Bless their hearts, they don’t even know what he’s from..

  • ione

    awww! i think i would have wanted a vanilla ice doll!? hahaha my Barbie dolls would have been so happy hahahhaa?

  • nicoleredz3

    I want the Tom Cruise doll!

  • CandJ

    LOL I actually have one of those Pee Wee Herman dolls,also have a Steve Urkle doll.
    When I was a kid(I know this isn’t a ‘doll’)my grandparents had that battery run monkey,that screeched and banged on symbols,it would always turn on,in the middle of the night,that thing scared the hell out of me.

  • ganstawitnogun

    LOL hitler doll

  • Bulbachu

    Why does no one understand that Bush was good for the country? Geez, people. Take some business courses or get a degree in it. You would learn a lot.

  • sam

    love this list, it’s full of win!

  • hey… that ain't right. I want a Vanilla Ice doll!

  • bobbie

    i really think who ever posted the mj doll and any one who makes a rude comment about mj really needs help i been a mj fan since the 70’s and still am no matter if his doctor killed him you all should go to jail for even mocking the dead

  • Adolph

    I'd like to buy Hitler dolls, like 50 of them!

    • Kirbytheawesome

      Cool story, bro!

  • I'd buy #1 in an instant

  • AlysonChains

    I'd love to have #8 again

  • mckenzie

    my grandma has that pee wee herman doll lol and his chair tooo

  • Jay

    This list is just a bunch of opinionated hate.

  • Magna

    I so agree with the reason for not liking the George Bush doll.

  • Red

    I have the PeeWee Herman doll. AND it TALKS! That thing has always been a favorite of mine and my brothers.

  • Barbies Best Fan

    OMG! Barbie’s over 50 now… what next?

  • anonymous

    Rosie O’ Donell and Anne Coulter weren’t so bad. Chuckie should replace Rosie.

  • jsncruz

    You can always put up the Hitler figure (and the other villains) in a historical display section! Not sure where to put Tom Cruise though..

  • Kuru

    i have a adolf hitler doll and figures since HE IS AWESOME!

  • mimi

    eww Anne Coulter! what was the maker on? mimislifelessons.blogspot.com

  • Harris

    That Pee-Wee Herman doll looks certain to come to life in the middle of the night and slash you to death. Or worse.

  • Zero

    I think the worst are poreclain dolls.
    I had one that had eyes which melted in the sunlight and so the glass eyes fell into the head.

    It would stare at me during the night…….

  • Amanda

    …they made an Ann Coulter DOLL!?! what the hell is this world coming to when the female spawn of Satan gets a damn doll made of her???

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