Well, you all knew it…Americans are truly weird. We have some of the most outrageous holidays for each day of the year! I chose the current month of March to start with and picked only one holiday per day as some days had 2 or 3! So here (for you all to poke fun at) is March’s Holidays in all their glory, in order of date.
March 1 – Peanut Butter Lover’s Day
Just when you thought it was safe to eat the peanut butter. What a sticky subject. Is your PP&J safe? Millions of American children are currently without their favorite sandwich due to the recent peanut scare in which peanuts have been found to contain salmonella. Of course that is not stopping some companies to start advertising based on that. Some are even saying that “their” peanut butter is safe to eat. You can see more on that here. Americans on average eat about 3 pounds of peanut butter per person per day.
Joke of the day: What do you get when you cross peanut butter with an elephant? – Peanut butter that never forgets or an elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
March 2 – Old Stuff Day
The most boring day of the year. True! When asked, “What’s up?” or “What’s new?” most of us respond with “Nothing much, same old, same old”. So in response to this, we made a holiday out of it. This is not a day to do the “same old” stuff… it is more a time to reflect on what has made life so boring that you can’t answer the question “What’s new?”.
March 3 – If Pets had Thumbs Day
Don’t you ever wonder what the world would be like if your dog or cat had thumbs? At least I wouldn’t have to get up at 5am in the morning to feed them! This is the day to let your imagination run wild.
March 4 – Holy Experiment Day
Nope, not a day for you to switch religions or vote if Creationism should be taught in schools… . (cough) It’s actually a day to try being more religious than you currently are. Pray for something different than you have before.
March 5 – Multiple Personalities Day
My favorite, and mine and mine and the rest of us too! This is a day to get in touch with our inner self (selves).
March 6 – Frozen Food Day
JFrater’s worst day… as it involves the microwave! This is a day to treasure those oh so yummy snacks that get shoved into our freezers to take out and have at a moments notice. ZAP! Instant food! (that is soggy and has the taste of the cardboard box it came in) but… oh so good!
March 7 – Crown Roast of Pork Day
Not much on this day other than it’s a day to celebrate pork… especially Crown Roast of Pork!
March 8 – Be Nasty Day
Boy was this true on the list universe! Nice day to go over signs of a tyranny. Just a day to be grumpy without being cruel.
March 9 – Panic Day
Now… everyone remain calm, except today. This is the only official day to panic.
March 10 – Festival of Life in the Cracks Day
Did your life slip through the cracks? Not today it didn’t! Celebrate a day of life in the cracks (no plumbers, please)
March 11 – Worship of Tools Day
Song choice: If I had a Hammer
Men can relate to this one! This is the perfect day to spend in the garage staring at those gadgets and gizmos that you just had to have… so when will the fence get fixed?
March 12 – Alfred Hitchcock Day
Ok… so not so wacky but how cool is it to have a day devoted to this famous filmmaker!
March 13 – Ear Muff Day
When the next time you put on a pair of these, you can thank the big-eared Chester Greenwood for creating them in 1877. Of course, he called them the Champion Ear Protectors. Thankfully the name was shorted to the ear muff.
March 14 – Potato Chip Day
So many overweight Americans can now proudly celebrate the best day of the year! Potato chips are the number one snack food in America. So to show your appreciation on this day of the deep fried chip, sit back on that couch, grab your remote and a tasty bowl of crispy spuds!
March 15 – Everything You Think Is Wrong Day
Story of my life. This is the day to blame it on the day! Nothing goes right today and now we celebrate it. Go figure.
March 16 – Everything You Do Is Right Day
(Did you see yesterday?) But today… no matter what you do it’s the right thing on this day. (of course that excludes illegal stuff) So, today is your day!
March 17 – Submarine Day
Song choice: Yellow Submarine
This is the day to celebrate the submarine (boat not sandwich). A suggestion is to watch “The Hunt for the Red October” on this day.
As a side note: For any of you who might have enjoyed the thread on 10 Great Atlantic Ocean Liners, you might know that I suffer from Megalophobia-fear of large objects. So I didn’t go out searching for any pictures of subs for this list.
March 18 – Supreme Sacrifice Day
Ok… so not a wacky one, but nice to have. This should be a better celebrated holiday. This day is to recognize those who have given up the most for others. This includes: fireman, policeman, soldiers and of course Jesus.
March 19 – Poultry Day
Most famous chicken: Foghorn Leghorn
A day to celebrate your favorite bird! (no, not your finger) Turkey, quail, duck and chicken. This is the day to eat your fill and try to answer the age old question: What came first? The chicken or the egg?
March 20 – Extraterrestrial Abductions Day
So I had to do a lot of probing on this one… Only in America would we have a day to celebrate something like this. So keep your eye on the sky and don’t forget to grab a towel!
March 21 – Fragrance Day
Armani, Dior, Boss, Claiborne, Liz … .put on your favorite this day. Just remember this one tip: Don’t marinate in it.
March 22 – Goof-off Day
Sweet! I actually have an excuse. (Don’t think it will fly with the boss however) So who will be the first one to call off on this day? This is the day for you to relax and to make sure you don’t do what you are supposed to do.
March 23 – Chip and Dip Day
So you had your potato chip day. Now what could be better? Something to dip it in… ranch, cheese, salsa… just to name a few. My favorite is bean dip!
March 24 – Chocolate Covered Raisins Day
A great combination of fruit and chocolate. If you are watching your weight, this isn’t the day for you. Celebrate this day by having a handful of this tasty treat!
March 25 – Waffle Day
“Lego my Eggo” No waffling on this holiday. It’s not only celebrated in America but also in Sweden. It originated in Sweden as Våffeldagen. The holiday coincides with the Feast of the Annunciation and it is considered to be the start of spring for both Sweden and France.
March 26 – Make Up Your Own Holiday Day
Try searching for an unrecognized trait, topic or event that hasn’t been touched upon to celebrate! Then enjoy! (I don’t think cable TV has been taken yet)
March 27 – National “Joe” Day
Nothing to do with coffee! This is the first holiday to celebrate you … as someone else. Today you are “Joe”. What would “Joe” do today? This is the day to be who you want for the day under the name of “Joe” and then you can blame it later on “Joe”.
March 28 – Something on a Stick Day
This day is celebrated by Jose Jalapeño on a Steeeck (pictured above). Actually it’s a holiday to celebrate anything on a stick. Popsicles, corndogs or jalapenos… this is the day for you!
March 29 – Festival of Smoke and Mirrors Day
David Copperfield day…just kidding. This is the day of illusion and mystery. This is a great day for a masked ball or magic show. (no creepy clowns, please)
March 30 – I Am in Control Day
Oh really. Sounds like one of the 5 Signs That You Are Turning Into a Dictator. Actually, this started when Secretary of State Alexander Haig was quoted to have said “I am in control here” on the day that President Ronald Reagan was shot in an assassination attempt. This led to Haig eventual resignation. This also a great day to celebrate after Panic Day!
March 31 – Clams On the Half Shell Day
This is a day to celebrate those rubbery friends of ours… the clams! So tonight dine at your favorite seafood restaurant, or if you are lucky to get them yourself, enjoy them at home! But, make sure they are on the half-shell!
Contributor: oouchan
what happened to the list with the extraordinary people? with the guy who hasn’t slept for 30 years?!?!?!
This was different…
say whaaaaa?
This morning the other list wasn’t working… did I miss out?
This list is useless… holidays are usually something people celebrate. No one cares about these crappy days.
Okay, I know that americans are known for being fat, but 3 pounds of peanut butter per person per day?!?!?
Umm guys – it is in the humor category……..
The list from this morning was removed when someone informed me that it was not original.
aww thats a bummer it was a sweet list
Funny list oouchan! I love that my birthday falls on Poultry day!! Best holiday ever! ima eat me some chicken nuggets…
I thought 13th March said “Eat Muff” day. Now that would be a holiday to look forward to.
Isn’t 14 march the “π(Pi)Day” too? ~ 3.14 at 15 o’clock…
Funny list, love the panic and potato chips day
jfrater – can we read the other list anyway if you credit it to the original author? this is an interesting list otherwise, who knew there were so many holidays in march? i like march 22, too bad it falls on a sunday this year!!
In honor of today’s holiday, I will show my crack all day while shooting up crack while standing on a crack in the sidewalk!
no coffee drinking day?
I would also like the other list back, or at least a link to it, I planned on looking some of those guys up
9. Handrejka…ha! You can celbrate that one on March 26 – Make Up Your Own Holiday Day.
8. gabi319…Thanks! I heard that lo’s b-day is on the 15th. She can celebrate Everything You Think Is Wrong Day! (or maybe not)
12. yennifer…Funny, sis! (my sister)
Oooo….tomorrow is “Worship Tools Day”. Hmmm….such a tough choice……Should I worship David Hasslehoff or Yanni?
Worship of Tools Day has so many interpretations!
I’m not sure that these are “holidays” according to any definition I know eg a national or state day off work.
13. 6twistedbiscuits: Thats on May 16th. It the National Coffee Day.
17. astraya…so true about the tools! also about the holidays…only in America. sigh.
I can’t really bring the other list back – even with credit, as permission was not sought. However, you can read the original list that was stolen here.
haha I thought the same thing about worship of tools day.
Am I the ONLY person who got the “don’t forget to grab a towel!” towel reference??
no
And I always thought March 17 was St Patrick’s Day
21. Anonymous … I was hoping someone might have read that book. It’s one of my favorites.
A couple of months ago on (I think it was) Project Runway a (female) designer was distraught because she had left her “tool” at the fabric shop. I thought “What tool? Can’t she be a little bit more specific?” Then I realised she was talking about her tulle. In very occasional readings of the word, I had never heard it pronounced, and had never known how it was spelled/spelt. Worship of fabric used on ballet tutus day!
Those of us in early time zones are into tools already. Cracks are soooo yesterday. (Like “extraordinary people”.)
I have done my LU-patriotic duty by clicking on the Google ads. They were all decidedly non-whacky today – holidays in Lisbon, Tuscany and (deep breath) Sas- Saskat- Saskatchew- Canada.
(Like the tourists who were driving across Canada and got lost. They asked a passer-by where they were and he replied “Saskatoon, Saskatchewan”. The driver turned to the passenger and said “Just our luck. He doesn’t speak English”. (I once met someone from Sas- Saskat- Saskatchew there and he thought that joke was funny.)
Taller Than You (5) That is funny: 5 lbs per day. It must be per year.
Be nasty day should be switched with Panic day. My fiance is super grumpy, and his birthday is march 9th. His grumpiest day of the year(don’t ask why, i don’t know). So they should make be nasty day on March 9th. On the other hand….i do go into a little panic on his Bday due to his extreme grumpiness…maybe they got it right after all?
Disclaimer: I don’t watch reality tv of my own accord; I watch it with my (English as a second language speaking) wife, to facilitate her exposure to “real” English. (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!)
When I got back to school this year, the area opposite the main staff room had been remodelled as “The Wee Class”. There are at least three possibilities for that: the Scottish one, the slightly juvenile most-of-the-English-speaking-world one and the one that was intended. I don’t know what was intended, but I hope they don’t put that on their CV when they apply for study in an English-speaking country: “I was a member of the Wee Class at [name] High School, Korea. I got top marks for Wee.”
@19 jamie: Thank you!
oouchan: Interesting list…
I was always partial to March 14th ‘National Pi Day’ (3.14 = Pi, for those non-math readers). As a side note, Einstein was also born on 3/14).
You know, we can do this as a regular item … Shall I do April?
just plain weird and wacky..and weird…and wacky…
Whoa America! 3 pounds of Peanut Butter per Day! No wonder you guys are such big fatties!
3 pounds of peanut butter
come on this is just plain silly
who the hell would eat 3 pounds of peanut butter a day
you be dead in a month
..okay humor category, yes but .. “Americans on average eat about 3 pounds of peanut butter per person per day”? .. not reallly finding that funny regardless. Just funny that some may believe it because it’s written
just about this whole list is full of *****
I googled some of them and none come up true
March 27th is my birthday! NOT Joe day!
Bill(s)…that was great!
so did you just make this up?
and I thought March 13th said Eat Muff day.
now that would be more interesting.
i actually understood your joke in march 20! i’m like proud or something…
I find it sad that today is my birthday and is also “life in the cracks” day. Also I spent my birthday today studying for a final I have tomorrow morning…at this time I feel like my life is in the cracks.
38. RandomPrecision: Nope. Found all of these as legit holidays. They are more like traditions that have been recognized. Just for pure fun.
39. duva: I was hoping more would get that one.
40. Rocky: Happy Birthday! (sorry that it fell through the cracks)
March 4 is the only day of the year that is a command (March forth).
Yo guys the Death Metal list is complete and has been submitted. You can all sleep easier now
41. General Tits Von Chodehoffen : I swear to God if you put Slayer on there….
Potato chips should be a food group unto themselves LOL
@ March 20th I enjoyed the towel reference but thought that there would be a national Don’t Panic day to counter the Panic Day. Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy ftw
I don’t know where you get your facts from, but 3 pounds of peanut butter per person per day?? I don’t think that you put the correct info there. I’m not saying that it isn’t possible for some people… just not probable for anyone. Might want to double check your facts, bud.
Loved the elephant joke. Maybe that’s where all the peanut butter went. You know, we could use the peanut butter as a sealant for those who mouths runneth over negatively.
Today is no smoking day in the UK. Held on the 2nd Wednesday every March. I will stop, honest. Oh go on, I’ll just finish this pack….
Most boring list yet
I got my towel ready!!
This list is TOO AMERICANIZED!
just kidding, great list!
oh and on the other list that was here before with the unusual people, “Yokoi: spent 28 years hidden after WWII” lived in Guam, I used to live there. There was like a little tourist attraction place there were you can see like his cave and all the stuff he used.
Americans…….
53. atulajith : Wow, finally India wins… Oh wait, it was just NZ… Are you seriously proud of that? Australia just SMASHED SA in two tests. Third one coming up soon. It’s so embarrasing after what the South Africans did to us at home, but all is forgiven now
@Mark: India didnt just defeat NZ, we whitewashed them. We lead the series 3-0 now.
And u aussies arent so tough. We have already proved that to u in ur own backyard. 
55. atulajith : So have SA, but we’re on the road to whitewashing them – at home and everything – so we well and truly have the #1 ranking under our belts now. Not much point even arguing about India and Australia – cricket wise – because at the moment there are only 3 respectable test teams around. So while we’re busy with the third, you get stuck playing ODI’s against NZ, lol. Once we have retained the Ashes and thrashed SA I’ll be nice and comfy here claiming that Australia’s the best, you won’t have that luxury. Not to mention that your batting order is on the way out, how are your youngsters looking? That’s what won us those tests, all our young ‘uns, I don’t know what India has in the tank though
thats impossible…..thats ridiculous. I dnot believe it. 3 pounds of peanut butter a day? that must be a typo? who eats three pounds of peanut butter. th ats like eating two jars. I doubt the average american even eats one peanut butter sandwich a day…
57. don : Especially the allergic variety… It does seem a bit too far out there for me to believe… Sure you got that right
Happy ‘worship your tool day’ everybody!!! Party round at my place!
You can tell that most of these holidays are probably American
If only ear-muff day and be nasty day could be combined….