Following on from our Top 15 Truly Bizarre Patents and Another 10 Bizarre (and Stupid) Patents, we have prepared a third list of the weird and whacky that passes for invention these days. If nothing else, these should give some hope to young inventors who have come up with ridiculous ideas that are laughed at – patent them anyway – everyone else does!
Patent Number: US 6681419
“A forehead support apparatus for resting a standing users forehead against a wall above a bathroom commode or urinal or beneath a showerhead. The apparatus includes a mounting member adapted for attachment to an upright bathroom wall either above the commode or urinal or below the showerhead. A compressible head support member is attached to and extends from the wall and said mounting member. The head support defines an elastically deformable or resilient forehead support surface which is spaced above the floor and from the wall a distance sufficient for the user to lean his forehead thereagainst and be supported while using the commode or urinal.” Seriously – have you ever needed something like this? Even at my drunkest I can still use a toilet without resting my head on the wall.
Patent Number: US 4764111
Does your kid forget to put his braces on in the morning? Well here is a patent that will solve this problem. By implanting this device in your child’s mouth, it will ring an alarm that won’t stop until he puts his braces on. The devices uses magnetics to detect the insertion of metal into the mouth. Never mind that your child has an electric alarm permanently wired into his mouth – at least his teeth will be straight.
Patent Number: US 6802819
Also known as the Personal Hygeinic Massage Bar, this patent is a novelty bar of soap containing an electro-mechanical vibrating mechanism. Within a housing is disposed an electric motor that rotates a weight from an eccentric point. Two reed switches are connected in parallel within the housing. Two alkaline batteries are also provided in the housing.
Patent Number: US 5678617
I simply can’t think of a good reason to make or own one of these. From the patent: “This invention involves a Jumping Drink Bar Device [-] a novelty device for installation in a bar or counter whereby when a patron orders a specific drink the bartender or host places a drinking glass upon a designated location on top of the bar and, unknown to the patron, activates a hidden control. The drink then seems to hop from some remote spot on the bar and take one or more leaps, ultimately landing in the patron’s glass.”
Patent Number: US 5971829
All I can say is “why?” This is “[a] novelty amusement eating receptacle for supporting, rotating and sculpting a portion of ice cream or similarly malleable food while it is being consumed comprising: a hand-held housing, a cup rotatably supported by the hand-held housing and adapted to receive and contain a portion of ice cream or food product of similar consistency, and a drive mechanism in the hand-held housing for imparting rotation upon the cup and rotationally feeding its contents against a person’s outstretched tongue.” Of course it is impossible to think that someone might be able to just rotate a regular cone as they lick the ice-cream.
Patent Number: US 5023850
This is a patent for a clock or watch which keeps time in animal time – for example dog years. “A novelty clock, watch, and the like for keeping time at an animal’s rate, defined in terms of a multiple of human rate by dividing the average lifetime of a particular animal into the average lifetime of a human being. The multiple for dogs is seven, for example”
Patent Number: US 4441222
Sick of making the bed every day? Well now you don’t need to! “An electrically-operated bed cover making apparatus secured to the frame of a bed and operable to cause a framework carrying a plurality of arms to be lifted from the foot of the bed to the head by utilizing a pair of rotating wheels on either side of the bed frame, including on each of the plurality of arms, a roller having a helical screw like rib for engaging and smoothing wrinkles out of the bed covers from center to sides, a tie down structure for securing the covers to the foot of the bed, this tie down structure being pivotable via a lever system, such pivoting allowing for an interleaving of the plurality of arms carried on the framework with the securing structure upon the return to the foot of the bed of these arms, and a limit switch type control for automatically directing the electrical operation and limits of movement of the apparatus.”
Patent Number: US 5901666
This is an item of clothing to which tubes are attached so your pet can run through them while you are wearing it. From the patent: “A vest or belt is integrally formed with tubular, pet receiving passageways which extend around the wearer’s body and terminate in pocket-like chambers for feeding and retrieval. Outer wall portions of the passageways are transparent so that a pet moving along the passageways can be seen by a spectator. Graphics or indicia depicting the pet’s habitat or a pet story are marked on the vest and extend across portions of the passageways masking delineations or depicting the passageways as burrows.”
Patent Number: US 6368227
This is a patent for a method of swing on a swing in which a user positioned on a standard swing suspended by two chains from a substantially horizontal tree branch induces side to side motion by pulling alternately on one chain and then the other. From the Patent: “The user may even choose to produce a Tarzan-type yell while swinging in the manner described, which more accurately replicates swinging on vines in a dense jungle forest.” Waste of time much?
Patent Number: US 3216423
The full name of this patent is “APPARATUS FOR FACILITATING THE BIRTH OF A CHILD BY CENTRIFUGAL FORCE”. According to the patent: “The present invention relates to [an] apparatus which utilizes centrifugal force to facilitate the birth of a child at less stress to the mother.” Yes – because during childbirth it would be far less stressful to be strapped to a giant machine and spun at high speeds in order to force a living child out of your body. I can see this one catching on. So – back to the patent, read this charming piece of science: “In the case of a woman who has a fully developed muscular system and has had ample physical exertion all through the pregnancy, as is common with all more primitive peoples, nature provides all the necessary equipment and power to have a normal and quick delivery. This is not the case, however, with more civilized women who often do not have the opportunity to develop the muscles needed in confinement.” I wonder what studies he used to back up that bit of information.
brilliant list
i have seen many of ‘the forehead rest for urinals’ in several army barracks toilets!!!! their usually leaving presents for the unit from leaving officers or warrant officers with a engraving saying ‘rest ye weary soldier’
must admit iv e used it a few times specially after a gruelling exercise or PT session…..
Some people think of the weirdest things. Entertaining list but I am more of a fan of the literature and history lists. Hope to see more soon! Maybe?
That animal clock is pretty damn cool!
first?
oh, and nice list, JFrater. never knew people could be so idiotic. may i recommend the show patent bending, on discovery channel?
I think number 7 is a fantastic invention, i imagine it to be like those water fountains you see at theme parks and alike where the water seems to bounce along the ground. I would definately be impressed to see my drink perform the same trick.
On second though, it probably wouldnt work with beer!
damn, not first
loving it wait till i suggest no1 to the trouble and strife
Damn, now that’s thinking outside the box! Some of these aren’t that bad. Although, I have a hard time believing the Automatic Bed Maker would work right. I’m sure plenty of kids would like to have Pet Display Clothing, but it is a strange idea.
No 1….
You GOTTA be *****ting me!!!!!! I can only imagine my SIL in one of these contraptions while she was in labor for 3 days with my niece LOL
Haha nice list
No. 1 is hilarious!!! What an idiot!!!!!!!
Sounds like he kept a bunch of pregnant women in cages in a lab somwhere to test this out, weirdo.
Number 1 is special…the image that it creates in my mind is wrong…just wrong.
I agree #7 would be interesting, but not if the bar gets busy. #3 is also rather cute but extremely random…imagine if you had pet snakes crawling through the tunnels!
That would be delightfully creepy!
WEIRD…
we need all these in sims 3!
i think 10 is brilliant
Now that’s what List Universe is all about. Way too weird, but fun.
Pointless? The point of novelty items is to be a novelty–to make money for the creator and to make the customer grin. Any kid I’ve known would be highly amused (even if only for ten seconds) by an ice cream cone that turns itself.
*sigh* Another of those lists that should have been named “Things I think are dumb”.
10. I can think of many times that I wished for a headrest when I was peeing… when I’m extremely tired, or when I have a headache (like I do right now) for example.
6. A motorized ice-cream cone is perfectly acceptable. I would love to have one. Heck, they make candy with the same idea.
2. As for swinging being a waste of time, I’m guessing you were never a kid… you must have come out of your mother’s womb an old, cynical douchebag.
where do you go to find these ??
I’m amusing myself with the cartoonish image of the automatic bed maker activating accidentally while someone is sleeping. I bet that plurality of arms could wreak havoc.
Someone actually patented #2??? Unbelievable.
#9 I never wore braces but, um, aren’t they cemented to your teeth? Perhaps they meant “retainer.”
#6 interesting, but you can’t eat the cone.
And you know #1 was conceived (pun intended) by a man.
Well….all I can say is if you are a dumb enough to buy something like this then you get what you deserve.
#1…wow. Looks more like a torture device then something that will help a pregnanat woman. Love the write up on that one too.
“Let’s make this less stressful for you, honey!”
Ummm. about number one: the device is spinning until ultimately the baby passes completely through the birth c*****. Then what? A baby flying towards the wall with 3g’s worth of centrifugal force. Is the doctor there with a net?
It would eliminate the cutting of the umbilical cord step, though… SNAP!
Hitler patented how to control through fear. America perfected it. Religion has been in close second but cant seem to find the right ingredient: Proof.
We have had proof the Jews were there…
We have had proof that terrorists were there..
yeah my braces were glued on. dont know how you would put them on any other way? the guy who patented number one sounds like he built it in his shed and tried it out on his caged monkey wife.
Great List there JFrater~
24. Josh Plum – May 8th, 2009 at 5:54 am
wtf?!??
You could probably sell quite a few of the number 3′s.
It would have been interesting to see what year these inventions were made a patent. I would guess with the drawing for #3 it would be from the late 70′s.
Couldn’t #1 be accomplished simply with a step ladder? Just jump on the expectant’s pooch belly – performed by an M.D. only of course!
I’d like announce the release of my own invention on this auspicious day – YELLOW TY-D-BOWL
24. damien_karras had exactly the same reaction to #1 as I. My first vision was of the babe shooting unhindered across the room and *smack* into the wall!
Result?
One dizzy, but delivered mother, and one very dead baby. A litigators dream.
I must be “primitive” in some fashion according to that inventor, as I had 3 big babies, using the Lamaze method, and lived to tell the tale.
Now, what I do want is one of those swings and an ice cream cone! Heaven!
What if the straps holding the woman down in no.1 came loose?
The last thing you want when in agony, is to be flying through the air at 110mph, into a solid wall; whilst your new born child hangs out of you, clutching to it’s umbilical cord for dear life.
32. segue
“Now, what I do want is one of those swings”
ahh – but will you “choose to produce a Tarzan-type yell while swinging…which…accurately replicates swinging on vines in a dense jungle forest”???
The Centrifugal Birthing Device is going to give me nightmares for a very long time.
damien_karras (24): That was hilarious!!
Never mind the braces reminder. I want something that will keep the kid from leaving her napkin-wrapped retainer behind at the cafeteria. This is getting damn expensive!
It’s pretty obvious that a man must’ve designed number 1…
But I would totally take an automatic bed maker, I hate making my bed!
I like this list, it’s fun. Number 1 is hilarious!
I do however, think that sometimes people set themselves up for negative comments with the title of the list.
Extremely Bizarre and Pointless?
Why not just ‘Bizarre Patents’?
Anyway that’s just my thoughts
see ya
MAD Magazine couldnt come up with this stuff. Ahh MAD Magazine, why did I stop loving you after I discovered birls…? I mean girls….
you know that commercial for the “dance movie” thats showing in the us right now? he girls goes to do a spin move and pops out a baby, who slides across the floor and ends up in a breakdance position. That’s all I can think about regarding #1.
Segue: you had THREE babies all natural? I don’t even have babies to know the pain and you’re my hero.
OK granted, these things I have to admit are pretty funny and silly. However I would rather have people try to patent something that they think could catch on (even if it’s a million to on shot.) rather than just sitting around watching TV or playing video games.
By the way the Google patent site is great fun to look through. My brother did a search just for kicks and discovered a gadget patented by our great grandfather back in 1893.
Good list, crazy! A few weeks ago I saw a working model of a wrap-around duvet in action. The theory being that when one turns over in bed, the whole duvet wraps around; so no more waking up in the cold. It also stops folks falling out of bed. But haven’t those guys ever heard of – bed sheets?
I used to be an amature inventor as a teen; my fondest ‘invention’ was a remote controled plug for all those items that aren’t inherantly remote items; such as a standing lamp or a radio. The idea being that one could turn them on and off without getting up – and especially useful for the disabled. I took it to Radioshack, who marketed it, but it failed to catch on. Anybody could make one of these using a sensor and a relay. I thought it was pretty neat.
If you hate making your bed, just don’t do it. Oh and…
” Even at my drunkest I can still use a toilet without resting my head on the wall.”
You aren’t trying hard enough. Of course a nice pad on the floor next to the toilet is likely more useful at that point.
34. TEX:…ahh – but will you “choose to produce a Tarzan-type yell while swinging…which…accurately replicates swinging on vines in a dense jungle forest”???
****
You couldn’t pay me not to!
****
40. callie_:….Segue: you had THREE babies all natural? I don’t even have babies to know the pain and you’re my hero.
****
It was all the rage when I was having my kids, and I got swept up in the “scientific studies”…without really thinking about it too hard. Besides, my mother was (seriously) trying to talk me into scheduling a C-Section for my first because “it’s what all of the movie stars do”.
Anyway, only the first was a problem at all; 9 lbs and postierer position led to a 20 hour labor. With the second baby, I got to the hospital 20 minutes before he was born, with the third, I got there only five minutes before delivery. The doctor didn’t even make it to the room.
I think my pelvis is just built for birthing babies.
#3…hehe
When I was younger I always said I wanted to buy a house and use one of the rooms to build a Habit Trail city. Just tubes and those hamster rooms everywhere.
The dreams of kids….
Well now that I have my own house the idea still intrigues but I have a wife as well – that idea would not go over well with her lol
ummmm slow list – but good comments,
You have clearly never been to the Hofbräuhaus in Munich. Please go there, have a beer on me, use the bathroom and you´ll be glad to find #10 very useful. Especially when you decided to have too many beers. Cheers!
45. The_Snowdog
easy – make a habitat for your wife, little water bottle,
exercise roller thingy, throw a little sawdust around -
even better, get to her wear a scimpy little hamster suit – get KINKY
A good inventor knows that less is more, too many moving parts = too many things that can go wrong with it.
RE: The Bar Jumping Drink Device
I could see a novelty bar opening up in a city and having one of these, but close down 3 months later after it opens. It might be able to survive in Japan though, but only if the waitresses wear bunny outfits.
The braces alarm is actually for headgear. I wore it for five years so I am, unfortunately, well acquainted with it. Which makes sense because it has to be put on by the child rather than being cemented on.
Hahaha, Holy *****. I would be guilty of using number 10… I HAVE leaned against the wall with my head while drunk, just wishing the wall were softer so my head wouldn’t hurt so bad.
Those who know physics should be outraged by number 10. Centrifugal force does not exist, it’s called Centripetal force.
*number 1
I was just wondering if anybody here has patented anything or tried to.
) to take it to the next step.
I am just curious to how difficult it is to do. I think we all have thought of something that might be a good idea but were too lazy (like me
Lifeschool, did you have to patent your invention before you took it to Radio Shack ?
Also what you described sounds a lot like the switch device in the infomercials.
Blogball:
I have a good friend who used to work in the US Patent Office in Washington, DC. He was part of the engineering team that had to approve patent ideas based on their workability.
He basically made it sound like, as with all other things done by the government, it simply takes time. They had a tremendous backlog of patents to look into and judge the merits on (and testing to do, etc.) I believe he said there was a fee for applying (which makes sense—there’s a fee for everything in government) but other than that, it didn’t seem like too complicated a process.
I have definitely seen #10, in a few bars I think. Funny that I can’t remember WHERE those bars are…I think one of them must have been at Oktoberfest in Wisconsin. Makes sense to me, I know I was tired after trying to get drunk drinking regular American beer. I did succeed, but it wasn’t the beer, it was those dangerous fishbowls! We don’t have those in Canada.
And FtMotM is right – centrifugal force is an illusion.
Thanks for that Randall. If approving a patent is anything like standing in line at the post office I better get going so I can be alive to see it approved or denied.
42. Lifeschool: Great ideas! I had a similar idea but never did anything with it. I figured what’s the one device that’s constantly getting misplaced? The friggin REMOTE for the tv. There’s a built in locator for a misplaced phone, why not have a button like that built into your tv that sends off an audible alarm in your tv remote? Just a hare-brained scheme?
57. Blogball: I found this quote from a patent forum site. Hope it helps!
“The costs for a patent will depend on the complexity of the invention, the geographical location of the person you hire to do the patent, and whether you hire an agent or an attorney to do the work. Typically agents in more rural areas are the cheapest, but not always. You can do this type of work remotely in many cases, so it pays to shop around.
That said, $4000 – $5000 does not seem out of the ballpark for an agent doing a patent of moderate complexity. I’ve seen some rates a bit cheaper, but that seems in the ballpark for the cost of an issued patent (not just a provisional patent, which is what the invention submission companies get you). You can use google to search for patent agents, many post their rates on their websites. You can also go to the USPTO website and search for registered agents and attorneys in a particular geographic area.”
Oh, thanks guys; I wasn’t expecting any replies. Er, no, I didn’t get as far as a patent for the remote plug – I just went into a Radio Shack store when I was around 15 years old (mid 80′s) and just blurted it out. I heard nothing for months and then one day I went in there to find a mark 1 version of the device I had described, and the person I had spoken to about it had mysteriously been promoted to somewhere else! True story. I was very nieve then; they could have duped me out of $$, but today they don’t even sell ‘em, I just checked.
Many years later, I had the idea for a timing device for meditators who wish to come out of a meditation calmly and gently without a BEEP BEEP BEEP alarm. It was a small unit a bit like an egg timer. The only options in those days was to use a ticking clock, a 24hour clock such as on a radio-alarm unit, or a wrist watch; all of which having drawbacks. It was a silly idea, but I went into Greater Manchester to a special ‘patents day’ which ran once a month. They said it was too weak, and too similar to other devices to get registered, but they saved me a lot of time and effort. Maybe there is an advice resource near you Blogball/damien_karras?
On a related note, you hear stories of labs patenting all kinds of mutated living objects and DNA strands and such – which was banned until a few years back.