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Following on from our Top 15 Truly Bizarre Patents and Another 10 Bizarre (and Stupid) Patents, we have prepared a third list of the weird and whacky that passes for invention these days. If nothing else, these should give some hope to young inventors who have come up with ridiculous ideas that are laughed at – patent them anyway – everyone else does!
Patent Number: US 6681419
“A forehead support apparatus for resting a standing users forehead against a wall above a bathroom commode or urinal or beneath a showerhead. The apparatus includes a mounting member adapted for attachment to an upright bathroom wall either above the commode or urinal or below the showerhead. A compressible head support member is attached to and extends from the wall and said mounting member. The head support defines an elastically deformable or resilient forehead support surface which is spaced above the floor and from the wall a distance sufficient for the user to lean his forehead thereagainst and be supported while using the commode or urinal.” Seriously – have you ever needed something like this? Even at my drunkest I can still use a toilet without resting my head on the wall.
Patent Number: US 4764111
Does your kid forget to put his braces on in the morning? Well here is a patent that will solve this problem. By implanting this device in your child’s mouth, it will ring an alarm that won’t stop until he puts his braces on. The devices uses magnetics to detect the insertion of metal into the mouth. Never mind that your child has an electric alarm permanently wired into his mouth – at least his teeth will be straight.
Patent Number: US 6802819
Also known as the Personal Hygeinic Massage Bar, this patent is a novelty bar of soap containing an electro-mechanical vibrating mechanism. Within a housing is disposed an electric motor that rotates a weight from an eccentric point. Two reed switches are connected in parallel within the housing. Two alkaline batteries are also provided in the housing.
Patent Number: US 5678617
I simply can’t think of a good reason to make or own one of these. From the patent: “This invention involves a Jumping Drink Bar Device [-] a novelty device for installation in a bar or counter whereby when a patron orders a specific drink the bartender or host places a drinking glass upon a designated location on top of the bar and, unknown to the patron, activates a hidden control. The drink then seems to hop from some remote spot on the bar and take one or more leaps, ultimately landing in the patron’s glass.”
Patent Number: US 5971829
All I can say is “why?” This is “[a] novelty amusement eating receptacle for supporting, rotating and sculpting a portion of ice cream or similarly malleable food while it is being consumed comprising: a hand-held housing, a cup rotatably supported by the hand-held housing and adapted to receive and contain a portion of ice cream or food product of similar consistency, and a drive mechanism in the hand-held housing for imparting rotation upon the cup and rotationally feeding its contents against a person’s outstretched tongue.” Of course it is impossible to think that someone might be able to just rotate a regular cone as they lick the ice-cream.
Patent Number: US 5023850
This is a patent for a clock or watch which keeps time in animal time – for example dog years. “A novelty clock, watch, and the like for keeping time at an animal’s rate, defined in terms of a multiple of human rate by dividing the average lifetime of a particular animal into the average lifetime of a human being. The multiple for dogs is seven, for example”
Patent Number: US 4441222
Sick of making the bed every day? Well now you don’t need to! “An electrically-operated bed cover making apparatus secured to the frame of a bed and operable to cause a framework carrying a plurality of arms to be lifted from the foot of the bed to the head by utilizing a pair of rotating wheels on either side of the bed frame, including on each of the plurality of arms, a roller having a helical screw like rib for engaging and smoothing wrinkles out of the bed covers from center to sides, a tie down structure for securing the covers to the foot of the bed, this tie down structure being pivotable via a lever system, such pivoting allowing for an interleaving of the plurality of arms carried on the framework with the securing structure upon the return to the foot of the bed of these arms, and a limit switch type control for automatically directing the electrical operation and limits of movement of the apparatus.”
Patent Number: US 5901666
This is an item of clothing to which tubes are attached so your pet can run through them while you are wearing it. From the patent: “A vest or belt is integrally formed with tubular, pet receiving passageways which extend around the wearer’s body and terminate in pocket-like chambers for feeding and retrieval. Outer wall portions of the passageways are transparent so that a pet moving along the passageways can be seen by a spectator. Graphics or indicia depicting the pet’s habitat or a pet story are marked on the vest and extend across portions of the passageways masking delineations or depicting the passageways as burrows.”
Patent Number: US 6368227
This is a patent for a method of swing on a swing in which a user positioned on a standard swing suspended by two chains from a substantially horizontal tree branch induces side to side motion by pulling alternately on one chain and then the other. From the Patent: “The user may even choose to produce a Tarzan-type yell while swinging in the manner described, which more accurately replicates swinging on vines in a dense jungle forest.” Waste of time much?
Patent Number: US 3216423
The full name of this patent is “APPARATUS FOR FACILITATING THE BIRTH OF A CHILD BY CENTRIFUGAL FORCE”. According to the patent: “The present invention relates to [an] apparatus which utilizes centrifugal force to facilitate the birth of a child at less stress to the mother.” Yes – because during childbirth it would be far less stressful to be strapped to a giant machine and spun at high speeds in order to force a living child out of your body. I can see this one catching on. So – back to the patent, read this charming piece of science: “In the case of a woman who has a fully developed muscular system and has had ample physical exertion all through the pregnancy, as is common with all more primitive peoples, nature provides all the necessary equipment and power to have a normal and quick delivery. This is not the case, however, with more civilized women who often do not have the opportunity to develop the muscles needed in confinement.” I wonder what studies he used to back up that bit of information.
1 Rose123
May 8th, 2009 at 1:50 am
brilliant list
2 leewey
May 8th, 2009 at 1:51 am
i have seen many of ‘the forehead rest for urinals’ in several army barracks toilets!!!! their usually leaving presents for the unit from leaving officers or warrant officers with a engraving saying ‘rest ye weary soldier’
must admit iv e used it a few times specially after a gruelling exercise or PT session…..
3 ABrutalKind
May 8th, 2009 at 1:52 am
Some people think of the weirdest things. Entertaining list but I am more of a fan of the literature and history lists. Hope to see more soon! Maybe?
4 4vectors
May 8th, 2009 at 1:54 am
That animal clock is pretty damn cool!
5 nzall
May 8th, 2009 at 1:56 am
first?
oh, and nice list, JFrater. never knew people could be so idiotic. may i recommend the show patent bending, on discovery channel?
6 El3mental
May 8th, 2009 at 1:57 am
I think number 7 is a fantastic invention, i imagine it to be like those water fountains you see at theme parks and alike where the water seems to bounce along the ground. I would definately be impressed to see my drink perform the same trick.
On second though, it probably wouldnt work with beer!
7 nzall
May 8th, 2009 at 1:57 am
damn, not first
8 scotjock
May 8th, 2009 at 1:59 am
loving it wait till i suggest no1 to the trouble and strife
9 Jacob
May 8th, 2009 at 2:00 am
Damn, now that’s thinking outside the box! Some of these aren’t that bad. Although, I have a hard time believing the Automatic Bed Maker would work right. I’m sure plenty of kids would like to have Pet Display Clothing, but it is a strange idea.
10 ChuChu
May 8th, 2009 at 2:05 am
No 1….
You GOTTA be shitting me!!!!!! I can only imagine my SIL in one of these contraptions while she was in labor for 3 days with my niece LOL
11 Yana
May 8th, 2009 at 2:14 am
Haha nice list
12 sagirl
May 8th, 2009 at 2:35 am
No. 1 is hilarious!!! What an idiot!!!!!!!
Sounds like he kept a bunch of pregnant women in cages in a lab somwhere to test this out, weirdo.
13 deathorats
May 8th, 2009 at 2:58 am
Number 1 is special…the image that it creates in my mind is wrong…just wrong.
I agree #7 would be interesting, but not if the bar gets busy. #3 is also rather cute but extremely random…imagine if you had pet snakes crawling through the tunnels!
That would be delightfully creepy!
14 nuriko
May 8th, 2009 at 3:27 am
WEIRD…
15 joanne
May 8th, 2009 at 4:23 am
we need all these in sims 3!
16 danmoo
May 8th, 2009 at 4:26 am
i think 10 is brilliant
17 JUNQUEMAN
May 8th, 2009 at 4:28 am
Now that’s what List Universe is all about. Way too weird, but fun.
18 Angharad
May 8th, 2009 at 4:32 am
Pointless? The point of novelty items is to be a novelty–to make money for the creator and to make the customer grin. Any kid I’ve known would be highly amused (even if only for ten seconds) by an ice cream cone that turns itself.
19 MadMonkey
May 8th, 2009 at 4:43 am
*sigh* Another of those lists that should have been named “Things I think are dumb”.
10. I can think of many times that I wished for a headrest when I was peeing… when I’m extremely tired, or when I have a headache (like I do right now) for example.
6. A motorized ice-cream cone is perfectly acceptable. I would love to have one. Heck, they make candy with the same idea.
2. As for swinging being a waste of time, I’m guessing you were never a kid… you must have come out of your mother’s womb an old, cynical douchebag.
20 brightside
May 8th, 2009 at 4:50 am
where do you go to find these ??
21 Spange
May 8th, 2009 at 5:30 am
I’m amusing myself with the cartoonish image of the automatic bed maker activating accidentally while someone is sleeping. I bet that plurality of arms could wreak havoc.
22 Peri
May 8th, 2009 at 5:34 am
Someone actually patented #2??? Unbelievable.
#9 I never wore braces but, um, aren’t they cemented to your teeth? Perhaps they meant “retainer.”
#6 interesting, but you can’t eat the cone.
And you know #1 was conceived (pun intended) by a man.
23 oouchan
May 8th, 2009 at 5:40 am
Well….all I can say is if you are a dumb enough to buy something like this then you get what you deserve.
#1…wow. Looks more like a torture device then something that will help a pregnanat woman. Love the write up on that one too.
“Let’s make this less stressful for you, honey!”
24 damien_karras
May 8th, 2009 at 5:50 am
Ummm. about number one: the device is spinning until ultimately the baby passes completely through the birth canal. Then what? A baby flying towards the wall with 3g’s worth of centrifugal force. Is the doctor there with a net?
It would eliminate the cutting of the umbilical cord step, though… SNAP!
25 Josh Plum
May 8th, 2009 at 5:54 am
Hitler patented how to control through fear. America perfected it. Religion has been in close second but cant seem to find the right ingredient: Proof.
We have had proof the Jews were there…
We have had proof that terrorists were there..
26 elise
May 8th, 2009 at 5:58 am
yeah my braces were glued on. dont know how you would put them on any other way? the guy who patented number one sounds like he built it in his shed and tried it out on his caged monkey wife.
27 Cybogen
May 8th, 2009 at 6:01 am
Great List there JFrater~
28 joanne
May 8th, 2009 at 6:03 am
24. Josh Plum – May 8th, 2009 at 5:54 am
wtf?!??
29 Samzilla
May 8th, 2009 at 6:26 am
You could probably sell quite a few of the number 3′s.
30 tonia504
May 8th, 2009 at 6:32 am
It would have been interesting to see what year these inventions were made a patent. I would guess with the drawing for #3 it would be from the late 70′s.
31 TEX
May 8th, 2009 at 6:38 am
Couldn’t #1 be accomplished simply with a step ladder? Just jump on the expectant’s pooch belly – performed by an M.D. only of course!
I’d like announce the release of my own invention on this auspicious day – YELLOW TY-D-BOWL
32 segue
May 8th, 2009 at 7:32 am
24. damien_karras had exactly the same reaction to #1 as I. My first vision was of the babe shooting unhindered across the room and *smack* into the wall!
Result?
One dizzy, but delivered mother, and one very dead baby. A litigators dream.
I must be “primitive” in some fashion according to that inventor, as I had 3 big babies, using the Lamaze method, and lived to tell the tale.
Now, what I do want is one of those swings and an ice cream cone! Heaven!
33 El_Karlo
May 8th, 2009 at 7:40 am
What if the straps holding the woman down in no.1 came loose?
The last thing you want when in agony, is to be flying through the air at 110mph, into a solid wall; whilst your new born child hangs out of you, clutching to it’s umbilical cord for dear life.
34 TEX
May 8th, 2009 at 7:52 am
32. segue
“Now, what I do want is one of those swings”
ahh – but will you “choose to produce a Tarzan-type yell while swinging…which…accurately replicates swinging on vines in a dense jungle forest”???
35 GTT
May 8th, 2009 at 8:14 am
The Centrifugal Birthing Device is going to give me nightmares for a very long time.
damien_karras (24): That was hilarious!!
36 azalea
May 8th, 2009 at 8:15 am
Never mind the braces reminder. I want something that will keep the kid from leaving her napkin-wrapped retainer behind at the cafeteria. This is getting damn expensive!
37 sallysweet
May 8th, 2009 at 8:16 am
It’s pretty obvious that a man must’ve designed number 1…
But I would totally take an automatic bed maker, I hate making my bed!
38 scrumpy
May 8th, 2009 at 8:35 am
I like this list, it’s fun. Number 1 is hilarious!
I do however, think that sometimes people set themselves up for negative comments with the title of the list.
Extremely Bizarre and Pointless?
Why not just ‘Bizarre Patents’?
Anyway that’s just my thoughts
see ya
39 Wally
May 8th, 2009 at 8:40 am
MAD Magazine couldnt come up with this stuff. Ahh MAD Magazine, why did I stop loving you after I discovered birls…? I mean girls….
40 callie_
May 8th, 2009 at 8:55 am
you know that commercial for the “dance movie” thats showing in the us right now? he girls goes to do a spin move and pops out a baby, who slides across the floor and ends up in a breakdance position. That’s all I can think about regarding #1.
Segue: you had THREE babies all natural? I don’t even have babies to know the pain and you’re my hero.
41 Blogball
May 8th, 2009 at 9:06 am
OK granted, these things I have to admit are pretty funny and silly. However I would rather have people try to patent something that they think could catch on (even if it’s a million to on shot.) rather than just sitting around watching TV or playing video games.
By the way the Google patent site is great fun to look through. My brother did a search just for kicks and discovered a gadget patented by our great grandfather back in 1893.
42 Lifeschool
May 8th, 2009 at 9:08 am
Good list, crazy! A few weeks ago I saw a working model of a wrap-around duvet in action. The theory being that when one turns over in bed, the whole duvet wraps around; so no more waking up in the cold. It also stops folks falling out of bed. But haven’t those guys ever heard of – bed sheets?
I used to be an amature inventor as a teen; my fondest ‘invention’ was a remote controled plug for all those items that aren’t inherantly remote items; such as a standing lamp or a radio. The idea being that one could turn them on and off without getting up – and especially useful for the disabled. I took it to Radioshack, who marketed it, but it failed to catch on. Anybody could make one of these using a sensor and a relay. I thought it was pretty neat.
43 Blacknimbus
May 8th, 2009 at 9:11 am
If you hate making your bed, just don’t do it. Oh and…
” Even at my drunkest I can still use a toilet without resting my head on the wall.”
You aren’t trying hard enough. Of course a nice pad on the floor next to the toilet is likely more useful at that point.
44 segue
May 8th, 2009 at 9:13 am
34. TEX:…ahh – but will you “choose to produce a Tarzan-type yell while swinging…which…accurately replicates swinging on vines in a dense jungle forest”???
****
You couldn’t pay me not to!
****
40. callie_:….Segue: you had THREE babies all natural? I don’t even have babies to know the pain and you’re my hero.
****
It was all the rage when I was having my kids, and I got swept up in the “scientific studies”…without really thinking about it too hard. Besides, my mother was (seriously) trying to talk me into scheduling a C-Section for my first because “it’s what all of the movie stars do”.
Anyway, only the first was a problem at all; 9 lbs and postierer position led to a 20 hour labor. With the second baby, I got to the hospital 20 minutes before he was born, with the third, I got there only five minutes before delivery. The doctor didn’t even make it to the room.
I think my pelvis is just built for birthing babies.
45 The_Snowdog
May 8th, 2009 at 9:16 am
#3…hehe
When I was younger I always said I wanted to buy a house and use one of the rooms to build a Habit Trail city. Just tubes and those hamster rooms everywhere.
The dreams of kids….
Well now that I have my own house the idea still intrigues but I have a wife as well – that idea would not go over well with her lol
46 smurff
May 8th, 2009 at 9:21 am
ummmm slow list – but good comments,
47 Sch or sch
May 8th, 2009 at 9:21 am
You have clearly never been to the Hofbräuhaus in Munich. Please go there, have a beer on me, use the bathroom and you´ll be glad to find #10 very useful. Especially when you decided to have too many beers. Cheers!
48 TEX
May 8th, 2009 at 9:34 am
45. The_Snowdog
easy – make a habitat for your wife, little water bottle,
exercise roller thingy, throw a little sawdust around -
even better, get to her wear a scimpy little hamster suit – get KINKY
49 Gauldar
May 8th, 2009 at 9:42 am
A good inventor knows that less is more, too many moving parts = too many things that can go wrong with it.
RE: The Bar Jumping Drink Device
I could see a novelty bar opening up in a city and having one of these, but close down 3 months later after it opens. It might be able to survive in Japan though, but only if the waitresses wear bunny outfits.
50 LHOOQ
May 8th, 2009 at 9:44 am
The braces alarm is actually for headgear. I wore it for five years so I am, unfortunately, well acquainted with it. Which makes sense because it has to be put on by the child rather than being cemented on.
51 illegal_immigrant
May 8th, 2009 at 9:46 am
Hahaha, Holy shit. I would be guilty of using number 10… I HAVE leaned against the wall with my head while drunk, just wishing the wall were softer so my head wouldn’t hurt so bad.
52 FtMotM
May 8th, 2009 at 9:55 am
Those who know physics should be outraged by number 10. Centrifugal force does not exist, it’s called Centripetal force.
53 FtMotM
May 8th, 2009 at 9:55 am
*number 1
54 Blogball
May 8th, 2009 at 9:55 am
I was just wondering if anybody here has patented anything or tried to.
) to take it to the next step.
I am just curious to how difficult it is to do. I think we all have thought of something that might be a good idea but were too lazy (like me
Lifeschool, did you have to patent your invention before you took it to Radio Shack ?
Also what you described sounds a lot like the switch device in the infomercials.
55 Randall
May 8th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Blogball:
I have a good friend who used to work in the US Patent Office in Washington, DC. He was part of the engineering team that had to approve patent ideas based on their workability.
He basically made it sound like, as with all other things done by the government, it simply takes time. They had a tremendous backlog of patents to look into and judge the merits on (and testing to do, etc.) I believe he said there was a fee for applying (which makes sense—there’s a fee for everything in government) but other than that, it didn’t seem like too complicated a process.
56 Bert
May 8th, 2009 at 10:25 am
I have definitely seen #10, in a few bars I think. Funny that I can’t remember WHERE those bars are…I think one of them must have been at Oktoberfest in Wisconsin. Makes sense to me, I know I was tired after trying to get drunk drinking regular American beer. I did succeed, but it wasn’t the beer, it was those dangerous fishbowls! We don’t have those in Canada.
And FtMotM is right – centrifugal force is an illusion.
57 Blogball
May 8th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Thanks for that Randall. If approving a patent is anything like standing in line at the post office I better get going so I can be alive to see it approved or denied.
58 damien_karras
May 8th, 2009 at 11:32 am
42. Lifeschool: Great ideas! I had a similar idea but never did anything with it. I figured what’s the one device that’s constantly getting misplaced? The friggin REMOTE for the tv. There’s a built in locator for a misplaced phone, why not have a button like that built into your tv that sends off an audible alarm in your tv remote? Just a hare-brained scheme?
59 damien_karras
May 8th, 2009 at 11:44 am
57. Blogball: I found this quote from a patent forum site. Hope it helps!
“The costs for a patent will depend on the complexity of the invention, the geographical location of the person you hire to do the patent, and whether you hire an agent or an attorney to do the work. Typically agents in more rural areas are the cheapest, but not always. You can do this type of work remotely in many cases, so it pays to shop around.
That said, $4000 – $5000 does not seem out of the ballpark for an agent doing a patent of moderate complexity. I’ve seen some rates a bit cheaper, but that seems in the ballpark for the cost of an issued patent (not just a provisional patent, which is what the invention submission companies get you). You can use google to search for patent agents, many post their rates on their websites. You can also go to the USPTO website and search for registered agents and attorneys in a particular geographic area.”
60 Lifeschool
May 8th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Oh, thanks guys; I wasn’t expecting any replies. Er, no, I didn’t get as far as a patent for the remote plug – I just went into a Radio Shack store when I was around 15 years old (mid 80′s) and just blurted it out. I heard nothing for months and then one day I went in there to find a mark 1 version of the device I had described, and the person I had spoken to about it had mysteriously been promoted to somewhere else! True story. I was very nieve then; they could have duped me out of $$, but today they don’t even sell ‘em, I just checked.
Many years later, I had the idea for a timing device for meditators who wish to come out of a meditation calmly and gently without a BEEP BEEP BEEP alarm. It was a small unit a bit like an egg timer. The only options in those days was to use a ticking clock, a 24hour clock such as on a radio-alarm unit, or a wrist watch; all of which having drawbacks. It was a silly idea, but I went into Greater Manchester to a special ‘patents day’ which ran once a month. They said it was too weak, and too similar to other devices to get registered, but they saved me a lot of time and effort. Maybe there is an advice resource near you Blogball/damien_karras?
On a related note, you hear stories of labs patenting all kinds of mutated living objects and DNA strands and such – which was banned until a few years back.
61 Blogball
May 8th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Thanks damien_karras. Wow, a little more expensive than I thought. I wonder how much my great grandfather paid?
Lifeschool, here is that switch I was talking about.
http://www.asseenontv.com/prod-pages/handysw402.html
62 Lifeschool
May 8th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Oh, and there was a movie released recently about the guy who invented the automatic/intermittent windshield (windscreen) wiper. The film was called “Flash of Genius”, and is based on a very real story and eventual court battle.
63 Lifeschool
May 8th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
#61 Blogball – Thanks for the link. Because my device was just an ordinary plug, any electrical device would use it, not just a little lamp. The handset was also like a conventional remote – and had five switches for five plugs scattered around a room. For example, we likely all use gang-sockets (extention cables) to plug many devices into one power socket – a TV, DVD, PS3, MP3 etc. Today they all have to be turned on and off with a separate (or a universal) remote – but I thought, why not turn ‘em all off completely at the wall socket. In that way, my plug (with a big enough relay) could have switched whole setups on and off with one button. ahh. Glad to get that off my chest. Ho-hum.
64 chubbmeister
May 8th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
#1 calls for a MD with a baseball glove
65 Becca
May 8th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
I’m sure someone prior has mentioned this, but aren’t braces glued on? If my sister could take them off, she would…maybe it’s for headgear? Or was there a time when braces were meant to be detached?
66 CK2005
May 8th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Is it bad that I really, really want the watch for my dog?
67 NiMur90
May 8th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
ha! awesome list.
chubbmeister: lol
68 Tenebrae
May 8th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
Having just given birth 4 months ago, #1 wouldn’t even work. Centrifugal force? I wonder if that person had ever actually been to a live birth.
I can just imagine if it did work. Baby flies out, netting around the room to catch it, and whatever do you do with the umbilicus? It would still be attached!
69 joker
May 8th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
any chance of more spooky lists??? like weird coincidences and the like? theyre the best ones.
70 surly
May 8th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
i think no . 10 may actually be a great idea. either from drinking or just a stressful day.
71 Nicosia
May 8th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
There is a another problem with number 1… all the blood and fluids! Can you imagine the mess? It would be slung all over the walls and the people like some kind of demented spin art.
Definately invented by a man
At least he was trying to help… I think.
72 Looser
May 8th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
oh wow. wow oh wow. the centrifugal force birthing machine is the most disturbing thing i have ever seen. well not quite but who would even WANT TO????
73 Lemons
May 8th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
No.10 “Even at my drunkest I can still use a toilet without resting my head on the wall.”
Realy!?!? Well then you keep your balance far better than i do, number 10 was the only one i would consider using.
But No.3 would keep me entertained for a day or two. Simple pleasures for simple minds or whatever the phrase is.
74 Blogball
May 8th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
I really enjoyed Nicosia’s comment : “It would be slung all over the walls and the people like some kind of demented spin art”
If you click again on the # 1 illustration you can see the netting attached to the woman to catch the baby. (Kind of like catching a fish).It says the inventors are George and Charlotte Blonsky. (I’m assuming husband and wife) I wonder if they had any kids, and if so did that inspire this invention?
75 General Tits Von Chodehoffen
May 8th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
I wonder if anyone has ever used number 1?
76 Shifty
May 8th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
I want the vibrating soap or “Personal Hygeinic Massage Bar”. That should make bath time fun.
58. damien_karras: Great idea. Maybe you shouldn’t have told everyone.
77 Mabel
May 8th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
#3 is hilarious. Gerbil clothing.
#2 – wtf? You can already do that on a swing.
#1 is just…wrong!
78 Alencon
May 8th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
This list just goes to show that there are way too many people in this world with way too much time on their hands.
79 shaymm
May 8th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
Alencon—agreed. These are just ridiculous. I’m sure there are many many more that are worse
80 Leahterface
May 8th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
Great list except for numer 10. Aren’t braces attached directly on the teeth? I don’t know cause I never had them but did know a kid in school who did. He said all he replace was bands on them. I don’t know. I did have a good friend who always got in trouble for wearing her retainer(if that’s how it is spelled) though. Great list though so thumb UP.
81 wowzer
May 8th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
I never tire of these “Ridiculous So-and-So” lists! Keep’em coming, amigos.
I wonder who would be more traumatized: the woman(and/or baby, I would suppose) strapped into that ungodly child-flinging machine in #1, or the hamster in #3, whom I can only imagine running through Macy’s after the child slips on some freshly-mopped tiles and breaks the trendy tube “vest” he’s wearing.
82 chrisbilbo
May 9th, 2009 at 1:53 am
To those talking about centrifugal force, I refer you to xkcd comic no 123:
http://xkcd.com/123/
It’s called a fictitious force, so it doesn’t exist in inertial frames, but if you’re in a rotating frame and you assume it exists, you can keep doing physics as if you were in an inertial frame.
Try to tell someone in the gravitron that centrifugal force doesn’t exist! It sure does in their frame!
83 largedeadbee
May 9th, 2009 at 3:17 am
well my mum’s fairly bizarre, and my dad’s definitely pointless.
84 kevin2
May 9th, 2009 at 3:54 am
(linkback) Funny or Lame? 10 More Extremely Bizarre And Pointless Patents [VOTE] – http://www.pikk.com/6463c
85 Penguin123
May 9th, 2009 at 4:50 am
The fact that no.1 is shaped like a cross just makes it all the worse… reminds me of the exorcist/Rosemary’s baby sort of horror flicks. :/
86 robneiderman
May 9th, 2009 at 5:55 am
They already have swings that can go sideways. They’re called swings.
87 Jessy
May 9th, 2009 at 8:45 am
Number 1 might be useful in those situations where the pregnant wife is moody and just getting on her husband’s last nerve….I think it must be designed for men to threaten their wives with if they get too uppity or hormonal.
When I was a kid, I would have totally rocked the hamster vest.
If you’re gonna invent a headrest for urinals, why not a lower-set one for when you need a, um, “long sit-down?” Especially if you’re a bit fluey, that’s an invention a person can appreciate!
88 segue
May 9th, 2009 at 11:58 am
Re: #3. When I was a kid, the “Habitrail” kits were just being marketed, and suddenly everyone I knew had a hamster and a Habitrail. I knew better than to ask my mother for a hamster but, in my childish imagination, I created a room-sized Habitrail which my brother and I could climb about in. I could see us scampering up thee clear plastic pipes, running on the clear plastic wheels, making little private bedding places in some of the empty spaces. It was a lovely fantasy!
Years later, when I had my own kids, the park near us had a huge maze-like structure almost exactly like my childhood fantasy (barring the clear plastic and the spinning wheel), but it was a long enclosed maze of soft material that covered about 50 yards.
My 3 yr. old son, who was a bit claustrophobic but daring anyway, got about 1/4 of the way in and stopped. I saw his sisters come out. I saw kids who went in around the same time come out. I saw kids who went in after his sisters came out, come out. Finally, in panic, I asked one of them if they had seen a little boy in yellow shorts.
“Yes, he’s on the tree platform”, they said.
I looked at the sign above the entrance: Maximum weight: 120
I was under that, though much taller than the thing was made for, but my kid was inside!
I crawled in and found him in no time. From the platform to the exit I had him crawl underneath me, so he felt safe, but what a lesson!
When we found another park with a clear plastic maze, he was fine.
Weird though, my kids never wanted a hamster.
89 Mabel
May 9th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
88. segue:
We used to do this with cardboard boxes. We would open both ends and kind of smoosh them together so it made a long tunnel. I set one up for one of my brother’s birthday parties when he was little, and recently he told me that one of his old buddies still remembered the box tunnel and how fun it was.
90 segue
May 9th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
89. Mabel, cardboard boxes! YES! Thanks for the memory kick start!
My mother would never allow “trash” in the house, but when my kids were young, I’d let them have big cardboard boxes in their rooms as play houses or tunnels or forts or whatevers…the big winner was when I had to get a new refrigerator! Wow, did that one ever get some mileage.
91 ciarna
May 11th, 2009 at 11:39 pm
im pretty sure there is not actally a centrifugal force (this fact was drillled into us by my physics proff) it is called centripetal force
92 segue
May 12th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
91. ciarna, I’ll bet the confusion stems from the fact that the machine that measures centripetal force (among other things) is called a centrifuge.
93 Xthye
May 14th, 2009 at 6:15 am
6
Motorized Ice-cream Cone
Actually, i prefer eating ice-cream with the cookie
94 macaroni
May 19th, 2009 at 6:21 am
vaya tela
95 Just Me
May 19th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
As a mouse owner that ‘Pet Display Clothing’ could be fun.
96 chapman
May 30th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
8 and 7 are jsut plain silly in my opinion and 5 has some sense really, if you think about it, cos who actually knows to the year/month/day how old theyre pets are? can be useful because *sneeze* bless me, because if your pet has a problem at a certain age, then wouldnt it be good to know when your pet reaches that age and you can do something about it.
97 Wow-wee
June 2nd, 2009 at 2:09 am
I can’t stop laughing at all the comments. Stop it! You’re killing me, especially if the birthing “thingy” doesn’t first. FLING – SNAP!! O.M.G. I’m seriously scared we have people that think of things like this and actually think a patent would fly. Wasn’t tryin to be funny, ha ha.
Have to say, my daughter has many times wished she had one of those pet vests for her king snake. Trust me, our snake would love it. Think of it, hampsters, mice, rats, snakes, and whatever other little animals kids have. Just got to be able to clean it out good. Cleanliness is a must.
98 Nahh
July 5th, 2009 at 7:01 am
After reading on the news that I python have eaten a baby, I realize that all of the above is just 2c of nonsense. Cause you get to do it hah?
99 Lindsey
July 15th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
i got a kick out of number one…wow, people can sure be idiots
100 Angel
September 24th, 2009 at 8:14 am
#4 seems like something used in “The Jetsons” cartoons…
101 S13558
November 17th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Good list. I thoroughly enjoy your witty, snide remarks about these ridiculous patents. I especially enjoyed the last one about the “birthing” device.
102 Tom E
November 30th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
If you’ve never needed a urinal headrest, you’ve never truly been drunk.
103 Rudi
February 11th, 2010 at 7:09 pm
Number 7 actually looks like fun, if a waste of money on the part of the bar owner.
104 look2thestars4ever
April 30th, 2010 at 6:25 pm
Lol I remember number 3 being on Animal Planet’s Most Extreme. I used to have a hamster and I remember wanting one so bad but now that I think about it…
105 drink
May 8th, 2010 at 7:37 am
#10: already in common use
#9: a fine idea if you miniaturized it
#8: gag gift
#7: vegas
#6: you win this one
#5: numerous alternative clocks exist, e.g. swatch internet time
#4: old people
#3: I’ve known numerous people who would buy this
#2: patent was filed by a patent lawyer as a means of teaching his child how stupid the patent system is, and you are a failure for writing this article without doing any research, which would have shown you this. -2 points for your fail.
#1: this is indescribably awesome.
I give you a score of 0/10 for this article. Writing a meaningful list? You fail it.