10 Post-Modern Religions
Published on April 12, 2008 - 79 Comments
For thousands of years, Man has tried to explain the world around him. Over time he came to the conclusion that there must be some superior force controlling and creating the wonders on Earth. From there came the notion to honor the controlling force by creating a set doctrine of worship, or a religion. Once more came the realization, especially recently, that hundreds or thousands of years of the same worship and ideology might not be working. More than few have chosen to belong to these new religions, whose teachings seem unorthodox, odd, even humorous. Here are a few of those, in no particular order.
Also known as: Paratheo-Anametamystikhood Of Eris Esoteric (POEE)
Symbol: The Sacred Chao, symbol of the hodge and podge
Founded by/in: Malaclypse the Younger (aka Greg Hill) with Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst (aka Kerry Thornley) in 1958 or 1959
Definition/main doctrine: “The Discordian Society has no definition.”
Info: It’s still up in the air as to whether on not Discordia is a mock religion or not. Discordia is mostly about nothing; they teach that discord and anarchy are paramount. Discordians do not worship, but are very interested in Eris, the goddess of discord. They also believe that everything is true, even lies.
More information: Read about the fundaments of Discordia in The Pricipia Discordia!. Discordianism also plays a prevalent role in Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson’s Illuminatus! trilogy
Founded by/in: James “Kibo” Parry in 1989
Info: While Wikipedia lists Kibology as a religion satirizing Scientology, it seems I can find no real strong correlation to that fact. Kibologists, sometimes referred to as “kibozos”, follow the humorous teachings of Kibo, who was a strong presence on the internet in the ‘90’s. Most of the religious texts involve humorous anecdotes, facts, short stories, and decrees made by Kibo and his followers.
Kibo has run for office of President of the United States. He also wrote a fact page very similar to many Chuck Norris jokes years before the internet meme was created.
Also known as: Googlism
Founded by: Matt MacPherson
Info: Google.com, the world reknowned search engine, has a following. These people believe that Google, being omniscient and omnipresent, is the closest Mankind will come to knowing and facing a god. Google can solve all their problems through knowledge, and knowledge is power. They even have nine proofs of Google’s godliness.
Founded by/in: Michael Keene in 1996
Info: The omphalos hypothesis claims that there is no proof that history wasn’t created and implanted by God as a test for us. Creationists use this when referring in arguments about dinosaur bones being planted on Earth to test our faith. Last Thursdayism takes this to another level by claiming that there is no proof that everything wasn’t created last Thursday. In fact, they believe that you are God, and You have created a copy of yourself, created the world, and are testing yourself. Any memories prior to Thursday have been implanted, as well as Your belief system. Oh, and everyone knows about it and is in on it, so You best behave well or else You will have to punish Yourself on the day of reckoning (next Thursday).
Founded in/by: the 1950s by J.R. “Bob” Dobbs, the world’s greatest salesman (or Douglass St. Clair Smith and Philo Drummond in 1979)
Info: The Church of the Subgenius parodies all. Science, New Age, Christianity, conspiracy theories, pop culture, and the government are not safe from the tauntings of Rev. Ivan Stang and his brethren. The fundaments of church are based on achievement of “slack”, which is freedom, humor, money, and luxury.
Of the post-modern religions I’m writing about, this is the one with the most richness to it’s background. They have many holidays, including Hate for the Sake of Hating Day and the Feast of Weird Al Yankovic. They have a deity, “Bob”, and his wife, Connie, the anti-virgin. They also have a complex religious order, which you can be a part of for a one-time fee of $30.
Also known as: The CCC
Definition/main doctrine: Why settle for a lesser evil?
Info: The Dark, Tentacled Lord is coming and the CCC wants you to be part of it! By joining Cthulhu’s minions, the group promises years of friendship, bonding, and fear-of-dying-at-the-hands-of-Cthulhu-free existence.
The religion’s sole (soul?) purpose is to please the god Cthulhu, a deity created by debatably science-fiction author, H. P. Lovecraft. Right now Cthulhu is sleeping, but when the day comes for his awakening, boy are you going to be sorry (unless you are part of the CCC, whose souls he will not devour).
Info: The Editors Wars began some time ago, pitting emacs using editors versus vi using editors. I’ve done extensive research (read: too boring to actually learn, so I glanced at it) into the whole mess, and it seems silly. Reminds me a lot of the Lilliputians in Gulliver’s Travels. Anyhow, the Church of emacs upholds the teachings that emacs is good and vi is evil. The church of vi is the opposite. [JFrater: I would contend that the Church of Vi is, in fact, the superior of the two.] Pictured above we see Saint IGNUcius of the Church of Emacs.
Founded by/in: October 30, 1998 by many rabid fans
Info: First watch this. Did you look at the video? Why would you need to know more about Diego Maradona? I mean, look at him. He’s awesome! Who wouldn’t worship him?
Also known as: TOPY
Founded by/in: Psychic TV, Coil, and Current 93 in the 1980s
Info: TOPY was created to break through restraints many of the founding members were feeling. They feel that society puts too much stigma on things being “right” or “wrong” They are heavily involved in occult and magickal practices as well as the arts. Many TOPY followers will create and mail a magickal sigil, created on the 23rd hour of the 23rd day of each month.
Also known as: The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
Founded by/in: Bobby Henderson in 2005
Info: Oh, you thought I was going to forget Him, didn’t you? His Noodlyness wouldn’t be pleased.
In an open letter to the Kansas School Board, Bobby Henderson challenged the state to either include his version of Intelligent Design or dismiss it from the curriculum altogether. He gives a very convincing argument for the belief system of his Noodly Savior. Bobby claims that he has written documentation that the world was created by a flying spaghetti monster. He demands that if the Board is okaying the admission of teaching in school systems about the Christian God and his teachings, then the FSM teachings should be included as well.
Contributor: Cedestra
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1. Tenebrae - April 12th, 2008 at 5:15 am
Fnord? Fnord. Fnord! Hail Eris!
Irreverence is bliss.. thou art a cabbage.
2. devilishgrin66 - April 12th, 2008 at 5:34 am
I really did think you were going to forget pastafarianism. It is honestly one of the most brilliant things a human has ever done. I have the book (the gospel of the flying spaghetti monster) and it doesn’t exactly mock religion but sort of shows its inadequacies.
3. billyshears - April 12th, 2008 at 5:34 am
big spaghetti monster?!
what?
and I thought the church of google was bad…
4. Frank - April 12th, 2008 at 5:52 am
Maradona? I watched the video. Granted I am not a fan of sports, but like most people in Europe where they play real football (what you call soccer I believe) I have not been able to avoid the constant barrage of “best of” clips in the news, on youtube and every five minutes on tv some parts of the year. Saying that I also grew up in schools where the name Maradona was hailed as a god. So, I know the guy is popular.
Seeing the video, my question is… why? The ball tricks in the beginning pales to the skill of any half-assed juggler, and none of the kicks catches and whatnots in the rest of the video seemed unique or special in any way. Besides, isn’t the guy the size of a house, or dead or something? He WAS a good player in a game many like. Maybe he was the best at the time. But no single move he made was miraculous, and no single move he made has gone unreplicated.
5. carpe_noctem - April 12th, 2008 at 6:14 am
What happened to the blue clicky names…
All hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster, his noodly appendages shall carry you into the heavens when the time of reckoning is upon us. It’s quite literally the greatest thing to be created, a religion that hates the concept of religion. And it’s founder is entirely true; if you think about it, teaching creationism in school’s is about as accurate as teaching the story theory as an alternative to sexual reproduction.
6. JT - April 12th, 2008 at 6:19 am
As a Pastafarian high priest, I would like to announce there has been a schism within our church resulting in the Reformed Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or the Protestafarians as we are sometimes known. Those scumbags at the First Church think that Our Lord and Saviour was baptised in Bolognese sauce when it is clear from interpretations of the Pasta Bible that he was baptised in Napolitano sauce.
So please join us at our new organisation,
rAmen
7. jfrater - April 12th, 2008 at 6:22 am
JT: hahaha
8. JT - April 12th, 2008 at 6:35 am
jfrater: you are fre to join us if you wish, i will recommend you to one of our elders
http://www.lulu.com/content/267888
9. romerozombie - April 12th, 2008 at 6:50 am
Hail the Mighty Cthulhu.
10. otay - April 12th, 2008 at 6:51 am
Pastafarians….hmmmm, wonder if they’d worship my noodle and meatballs????
11. JwJwBean - April 12th, 2008 at 6:51 am
My husband told our kids about FSM. My youngest at the age of 10 was doing a report on Marco Polo. I told him that Marco Polo brouth noodes to Italy from China. He shouts out, “Really, so Marco Polo is our Jesus.”
12. BrotherMan - April 12th, 2008 at 7:00 am
I have thumbed through a copy of Principia Discordia before and it made no sense what so ever. To me it looked like a bunch of insane ramblings and drawings in a journal written by an escaped mental patient.
13. carpe_noctem - April 12th, 2008 at 7:12 am
BrotherMan: I thought that’s what religion was
14. MichyMoonshine - April 12th, 2008 at 7:26 am
I go to a Catholic all girls school in London, and I have to seriously convince people that there really is a Church of Flying Spaghetti Monster. They really can’t contemplate the idea of their religion being made up, but laugh at everyone else’s…
And I’m shocked that you didn’t include “The Church of the Latter Day Dude”, otherwise known as dudeism….
http://www.dudeism.com/
15. juan - April 12th, 2008 at 7:28 am
Frank #4: You obiously don´t understand futbol, or you are not “argentino”….Nobody, but nobody….will ever do what he did…ever
16. miller - April 12th, 2008 at 8:03 am
always been a fan of subgenius glad to see it make the list.
17. miller - April 12th, 2008 at 8:04 am
yea! dudeism rocks too nice mention! Michymoonshine
18. Csimmons - April 12th, 2008 at 8:09 am
ALL HAIL THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER! LOL! These are some wacky religions!
19. Csimmons - April 12th, 2008 at 8:13 am
WOO! Dudeism is the best religion ever! Thank you michymoonshine!
20. Kreachure - April 12th, 2008 at 8:26 am
Oh, you think it’s all a big joke now, but you won’t be laughing when horrid Cthulhu comes back from his dark Fhtagn and instills nightmarish darkness upon your puny world…
Unless the Flying Spaghetti Monster stops him, of course.
21. Kreachure - April 12th, 2008 at 8:31 am
Oh, and I DEMAND BLUE CLICKY NAMES.
22. jfrater - April 12th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Clicky blue names will be back at a later date!
23. badlist - April 12th, 2008 at 8:45 am
this may be the funniest trus shit I have ever read……EVER.
24. LordCalvert - April 12th, 2008 at 9:00 am
anybody that would worship a soccer dork needs his head examined
25. Mikkle - April 12th, 2008 at 9:04 am
spagetti sounds good right about now!
26. RWH - April 12th, 2008 at 9:22 am
what about George Carlin? he worships joe peschke.
see video on www.brasschecktv.com
27. funbutfunctional - April 12th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Maradona was a footballing genius but also a bloody cheat and should never be forgiven for the ‘hand of god’ incident. Harumph.
You certainly wouldn’t catch the FSM doing something like that!
28. Miss Destiny - April 12th, 2008 at 10:21 am
Once I realized what this list was actually about (I half expected to see the “Church” of Scientology on here at first), I was hoping the Church of the FSM would be included. I’m glad to say I wasn’t disappointed! Very interesting list, different than the norm and I really enjoyed it.
I have to say I was pretty amused by the Church of Google. I Google just about everything so I could probably become an honorary member with the amount of times I use that site! In fact, I believe that’s how I found this website. Thanks Google! (lol)
29. cristian - April 12th, 2008 at 11:40 am
what about listversianism
30. stevenh - April 12th, 2008 at 11:53 am
The Church of the Subgenius is officially dominated by The Church of Google. Just check out the search on their home page -
They’ve been pwnd!
/S
31. kazorek - April 12th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
After I read this list I spent the morning reading the Principa Discordia, and its pretty fricken sweet. I can see why some people would think its just a mock religion, but its really much more complex than that. Its pretty amazing. Its surprisingly coherent when you see where its coming from. Tough to read sometimes because the nature of its allegory could allow for completely irrelevant sections as satire, which can be hard to distinguish from the fairly cryptic text. I would recommend it, its a pretty fun read. Its lighthearted satire (often funny) with a really dense, genuine philosophical core. I loved it. From now one I consider myself Discordian… which means pretty much nothing
32. Cedestra - April 12th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Thank you for your kind words and adoration.
My apologies for not including “dudeism”- I didn’t find it in my journeys in research.
33. toolnut - April 12th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
As Warrrreagl once said, “I have not the words”
Wow!!! The word gullible comes to mind
34. kazorek - April 12th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
I don’t understand who is gullible. I won’t lie, I’m only asking because I thought maybe you were talking about my post.
35. Phillies - April 12th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Isn’t there a religion dedicated to Jedis and the Force? I’m really sure I’ve heard of that somewhere…
All in all, a great and hilarious list!
36. Crimanon - April 12th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
I have a couple of Devote Pastafarian friends. They take it very seriously, they go so far as to even point and laugh at themselves. Oh, and if you decide to throw a party, make sure you keep enough counter space for the Sacramental Garlic Bread.
37. Crimanon - April 12th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
I think it’s getting out of hand… http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/267505/
38. Cedestra - April 12th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
35. Phillies
Yes, I excluded the Jedi religion from the 10 list. That and the two “churches” set up in direct opposition to other churches; the Eastover Baptist Church, I think, is one. I had already picked one from a media source already (the CCC). Plus, my ex-friend is a Jedi follower. He’s a jerk, so his religion gets the snub. Not The Snub, mind you.
39. goof_ball - April 12th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
CHURCH OF GOOGLE?!?! That’s awesome. =)
40. EJF - April 12th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Waste of time
41. Dana - April 12th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
I belong to the Church of SpongeBob and the Church of the Holy Onion.
42. Phillies - April 12th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
38. Cedestra
Hahaha, it’s all good. I don’t follow the religion so I don’t care one way or another if the Jedi religion (lmao!) is on this list or not.
And are you telling me that your friend is Sith?
43. Ari-chan - April 12th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Yay for posting about the Principia Discordia. My biological father has a first edition, and one night we decided we would put on The Ramones and read aloud from the book. I have searched for years to find a copy of Discordia and your link brought me much joy. Seeing as though I named my car Eris and I am in love with Chaos and Chaos Theory (Butterflies rule the world ^-^) I am like a little child with the Principia Discordia now.
44. DiscHuker - April 12th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
what about the new oprah church that is meeting weekly?
45. Setianphrenaltid - April 12th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
My ex-boyfriend, now platonic friend is a Discordian. He’s got the Fnord thing tattoed on his left foot.
Personally I think it’s just an excuse for him to act as if he never aged beyond 18. Dammit. Everything I say to him gets justified by that damn ‘principia discordia’. Just an excuse to be a stupid feck. I mean, I like Alfred Jarry and all that, but COME the f*k ON!
46. Hobbes - April 12th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Bless his noodly appendge.
Ramen
47. Csimmons - April 12th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
The church of the Fonze should be on here, sure it’s not real, but I could start it…..
48. Phillies - April 12th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
47. Csimmons
Sign me up! Eyyy!
49. copperdragon - April 12th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
hilarious!!
this is why I dislike most religions, though I am fond of greek mythology.
50. Arkz_Archduke_of_Geeks - April 12th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
well, good thing master cthulhu is not eating my delicious soul , but yes you forget about brianism, or um the all mighty spork, and the invisible pink unicorn
51. NoPunyNerd - April 13th, 2008 at 8:40 am
Dudeism … absolutely brilliant! It should definitely be included, at the very least as a bonus.
52. QDV - April 13th, 2008 at 10:11 am
No mention of the lost religion of the Dopey Fish (www.dopefish.com)? Hope nobody issues a fatwa and declares a jihad, as a lot of people are going to have the fish slapping dance done on them!
Don’t forget about Shatnerology, either!
53. Alejandro - April 13th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
The good thing about these religions is that there aren’t violent incidents related. Hardly any hate, except maybe some Maradonians that hate Pelé.
54. AlphabetFish - April 14th, 2008 at 2:49 am
All hail Kralnor. His staff is a good one.
55. avi - April 14th, 2008 at 4:42 am
hilarious
56. Bob - April 14th, 2008 at 7:04 am
These are all hilarious, but definitely all farcical, as one would expect from those tired old pomos. Imagine the joke–they think they’re still cutting edge and relevant, but nobody really pays attention to them anymore. Poor pomos!
57. Daniel - April 14th, 2008 at 7:08 am
Great List. There is also a Church of Spongebob! They have a website, if you want to look into it.
58. Metalhead09 - April 14th, 2008 at 7:48 am
What about the Jedi Church?
http://www.jedichurch.com/
59. dgsinclair - April 14th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Let’s not forget the Church of Apatheism - the only problem? They are so apathetic, they don’t really have a web site.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apatheism
60. Randy - April 14th, 2008 at 11:17 am
What about the Church of Buffett, Orthodox? They worship Jimmy Buffett. www.cobo.org
61. Dave - April 14th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
I started 2 Religions in High School. One was the Church of the BoBo Tie. I cristened the two hottest girls in school as my priestesses…that was a good thing
Also I co-founded The Royal Holy Order of St Billingatious and St Davidicus. Our holy symbol was a can of spam which repells psyco ex-wives and girlfriends
62. Craig - April 15th, 2008 at 4:48 am
I’ve been a proud Pastafarian for a couple of years now. It’s truly the most sensible religious concept a human has ever created.
Before that I was a member of the Church of Spongebob, but I found it hurt to continually drop to the deck and flop like a fish….
63. Grant - April 17th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
Wow, these are really fun to look into, especially Kibology and Last Thursdayism.
I also co-founded a religion in high school. Me and some friends started the Church of Faygo (Faygoism). We had priest and a system of baptism.
64. Cedestra - April 18th, 2008 at 9:59 am
59. dgsinclair- neither a religion nor post-modern. That’s from the time of Voltaire. Interesting, though.
61. Dave- how’s that working out for you?
65. mike - April 20th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
spaghetti monster….hahahaha…nice….
66. dofnup - April 21st, 2008 at 3:26 pm
What, no Ceiling Cat? LOL! ^_^
67. Polly Odyssey - April 28th, 2008 at 8:57 am
Me and my friends made our own religion, Great Muffinism!
AND WHERE IS CEILING CAT?!
68. Elzii - May 5th, 2008 at 4:37 am
Im surprised that u havent included the jedi religion on this list…
and that spaghetti monster thing? thats Friggin ACE!!!
69. Ashar Ali - May 28th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
in california there is this religion that worships LG , its kinda strange, read about it in Ripley’s Believe It or Not
70. Reyairia - June 2nd, 2008 at 12:15 pm
They must be doing it for the lulz.
@Ashar Ali: What’s LG?
71. Cedestra - June 6th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
The cell phone manufactoring company?
72. fsm - July 13th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
hahaha
i was happy that you included pastafarianism
73. djalicat - August 30th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
i am a founding member of the church of garofalo.
their are…dozens of us and we live by the words and wisdom of janeane garofalo.
she says she’s not a profit…oh but she is
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.....re=related
74. A - September 26th, 2008 at 9:05 am
So post-modern.
75. davekat - October 24th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
There is no fnord such thing as Discordianism.
The Illuminati aren’t real either.
Therefore any fnord apparent connection between the two is wholly imaginary.
If you know what’s good for you.
76. AWESOME - November 2nd, 2008 at 5:26 pm
oh hai, i herd j00 all liek mudkipz!?
77. Lekhter - January 6th, 2009 at 1:37 am
Cthulhu Ftaghn!
78. phrstmatewhigles - January 7th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
couldnt have ended any other way……… *tear* its so beautiful