Top 10 Toys Parents Dread

If you have friends with kids and you wish they would stop inviting you to visit, just pick up an item or two from the following list the next time a gift-giving occasion rolls around.

The first reason is obvious. There are usually thousands of them, and within 5 minutes of the package being opened they are everywhere. Second, assuming the kids actually do use the beads for their intended purpose, they proudly present you with a mismatched, half-completed poorly-made necklace/bracelet which they then expect the parent (you) to wear every day of your life.

Does this one even need an explanation? Just know that they put a screw on the battery compartment for a reason. No, it’s not so the kids can’t eat the batteries, if your kids eat batteries, they deserve what they get. It’s so the kids can’t replace the batteries, because there is no way that the parents ever will.

Slime + Furniture/Carpeting/Curtains/Anything = Angry Parent + Child with a sore rear end.

Scientists have calculated that there is only a 31 second window between the time a Barbie Doll leaves the box and the moment it is discarded by the child, hair matted and/or cut and completely naked. And speaking of that box! It is easier to get a cat in a bathtub that to get the stupid doll out of that box. The process goes like this…Cut tape, open box, slide out inner backing with doll and accessories attached, remove wire ties, cut tape, take a break, have a drink, cut strings, cut plastic, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat…(I’m going to stop here, but at this point only half of the accessories have been freed from their plastic purgatory).

Have you ever stepped on a lite-brite peg at 2 am? If not, let me know, I’ll be happy to send you a couple so you can share in the experience.

Umm-umm! Nothing says gourmet cuisine like old batter from the toy store, cooked to runny/gooey/burned perfection by a 60 watt light bulb! See the beautiful treats this young girl has prepared? That’s not even close what your kid is going to make. If you give this a gift, be prepared to receive the results as a thank-you present.

How could bubbles possibly make this list? After all, they’re just soap and water? They’re harmless, right? WRONG! Parents hate bubbles like rednecks hate the government. They make anything they touch in the house sticky and leave water-soap rings on furniture, so you have to insist that the kids only use them outside, which results in: “Can we go outside to blow bubbles?”, “Can we go outside to blow bubbles?”, “Can we go outside to blow bubbles?”, “Can we go outside to blow bubbles?”, etc, etc, etc.

See: Bubbles

Gotta Catch ’em All! At $5-20 a pop, catching ’em all is a great financial plan if you are into poverty. These things are like kiddie heroin, one taste is all it takes. Plus, half of them don’t really look like anything, or at least not anything you would want to play with. Look at the example above (Sudo Woodo), it had to be inspired by a diet high in corn and peas. And the show!!! Try and watch it, I dare you.

You might as well wrap your children in colored toilet paper as these heavy-duty toughskin-quality threads. They are made from the flimsiest materials available, stitched together with the thinnest thread and typically unravel as you take them out of the packaging. See how happy the children are in the picture above? They’re getting paid to smile. It’s a triple whammy: Wasted money, ruined costumes and crying children.

Contributor: BishopWhiteT