Consumer technology has to be cool to succeed – which is why many advertising companies try to produce cool adverts for them – unfortunately though, advertising companies are seldom cool and we end up with extremely embarrassing adverts. This is a list of the 10 worst.

10. Knockoff Nigel

Another attempt by the powers that be (the movie and audio industries) to demonize people who copy videos. In this advert we see a jolly old man singing at the local pub implying that a person who copies movies is also probably buying stolen televisions, and scrounging free drinks from his friends. If the video was actually based on reality, his friends would be telling the old man to shut up, and copying Nigel’s DVD.

9. Amstrad Studio

Amstrad (who also made computers) feel in to the trap of believing the advertising companies when they were told to include rap in their campaign – it never works – ever!

8. Slimtel

This is an advertisement for a push button slim line telephone. The advertising company seemed to think that lycra clad bouffant hairstyled women would sell a lot of these phones. Unfortunately the English advertising industry has not improved much since then.

7. Atari Pole Position

I do not generally believe in revisionist history, but clips like this really make me think that we should expunge all knowledge of the nineteen eighties from our communal memories. This clip “will bust your crack and leave skidmarks on your soul”.

6. Piracy is a Crime

So is taking away peoples rights to copy things they own! This ridiculous video clip appears on the start of most DVDs. The ironic thing about it is that when you download a movie, this is always removed – so the only people who actually see this are the people who have PAID for their copy.

5. MS DOS 5

This is astoundingly bad – and not the first time Microsoft has used rap music to promote their software: “we’re introducing something new, it is essential for the many and the few” – great lyrics Microsoft.

4. Keeping up with Commodore

Are you keeping up with Commodore? Unfortunately Commodore couldn’t keep up either – they went bust. These were very popular computers – I loved playing on my brother’s Vic 20 as a kid.

3. Don’t Copy the Floppy

You knew this would be on the list didn’t you? This is an advertisement designed to teach kids not to pirate software.

2. Steve Ballmer Sells Windows 1

This was not actually broadcast as an advertisement outside of Microsoft but it is just so bad it has to be included. Can you believe this guy is now running Microsoft? If you want to see more of this guy, here is a clip and here is a pretty good musical parody.

1. Windows 386

This is a promotional video for Windows 386 – the clip here is only the second half – but it is the worst half. This really has to be seen to be believed. Watch it all the way through – it is worth it. The best bit starts around 02:00.


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