As most readers will know, I love cooking. I am a fanatic when it comes to doing things “perfectly” in the kitchen and have, consequently, read everything I can get my hands on about cooking. I am an amateur, but at least I am a reasonably well informed amateur! This list is a guide to help save you from some of the most common cooking errors we all make.
When you cook in a pan which is not hot enough, things stick and they don’t color. This is a very common mistake made when cooking steak or other meat dishes in a frying pan. Don’t be afraid to turn the heat right up – you can always remove the pan from the heat if it looks to be too hot. Make sure you use a little oil to the pan before you begin to heat it (don’t use a non-stick pan – throw all the non-stick cookware in to the bin).
Overcooked fish is one of the most revolting things you can eat. It lacks flavor, and it lacks moisture. When you cook fish properly, it should retain some of the transparency that you get with raw fish. Don’t fear that it will be raw – the heat can still penetrate to the core without overcooking it. As a side note, when buying fresh fish, make sure the fish eyes are shiny and clear and that the gills are still red. Fresh fish should also have no odor (apart from the smell of the sea) – if it smells fishy, don’t buy it.
When you cook a steak, you must put it in the pan and not touch it again until it is time to turn it over. Moving meat around a pan stops it from browning. Coupled with a cold pan (item 10) you will end up with limp, soggy, and uncolored meat. You should not fall to the temptation to give things a shove or to check for the level of cooking. Cook based on time (for example one minute either side for steak) and leave it alone!

When frying on top of the stove, people tend to try to do everything at once – putting half a dozen sausages in the pan, or 2 or 3 steaks. This only ruins the food – overcrowding the pan causes food to boil (as there is not enough room for the steam to leave the pan) instead of browning. Cook in batches and, if you need to, keep meat in a warmed oven while you continue through the batches.
Most people who have little cooking experience will be familiar with the large cut of meat that has shrivelled up like a prune during cooking. The reason for this is that when you heat meat beyond a certain temperature, the meat proteins begin to contract – forcing the juices (and flavor!) out of the meat. The solution to this is to make sure that when you roast meat, you do it on a low heat for a long time. The great chef Heston Blumenthal (owner of The Fat Duck) cooks his meat at a maximum of 75C (~170F) for many hours – resulting in succulent and flavorful cuts. I strongly recommend you check out his cook books – “Family Food” is a particularly good one and it includes a section on meat cooking in this manner. I am fortunate enough to own a signed copy! You can get it here at Amazon
All too frequently people use too little salt in their cooking (or worse still: no salt at all!) Salt is essential in cooking as it provides flavor and in some cases texture. You should salt all meat before you cook it, and most of the time you should salt water before cooking vegetables in it. It is not enough to add salt at the last minute as some foods cook better with salt adding during the cooking process. I should also mention here than you should immediately throw away any table salt you own and buy proper sea salt (or kosher salt). Table salt contains flowing agents and anti-caking agents. It contains so much of this stuff that if you sniff a container of table salt – it smells like metal. Good quality salt should have no smell or a very slight perfume (from the sea).
Blunt knives are not only bad in the kitchen because they tear at what you are cutting, but they are extremely dangerous. Most accidents involving knives in the kitchen are caused by blunt knives. The reason for this is that the knife is more prone to slipping. I personally prefer Japanese steel in my knives but there are also some excellent quality European knives as well. For those with the big budget I strongly recommend Hattori knives (go for the HD or KD series – they will cost upwards of $300 a knife). The knife pictured above is a 27cm Hattori KD Chef’s Knife ($1,175).
Dried herbs have no place in the kitchen. They have little (if any) of the flavor of the herb they are meant to represent. If you cook with dried herbs, you cook with no flavor. The first time you use fresh herbs in your cooking, you will immediately understand the importance of them. This also goes for vegetables – always buy the freshest vegetables you can (preferably locally grown – buying locally grown means you only get what is in season, and therefore you get the best tasting veges).
I am sure we are all well acquainted with pots and pans that are as light as a feather and coated with a non-stick coating. Throw. These. Out. Now. You simply can not get the right feel for heat with these abominable tin pots. A proper cooking pot should have a very heavy base. They need not be cast iron, but they should certainly require a little elbow grease to lift. If you have the wallet large enough – you should aim for copper pots as they provide the best conductivity of heat.
Wine is undoubtedly my favorite thing in the world – I quaff copious amounts of the stuff (in order to improve my palate of course). One of the big “sins” in the kitchen is using “cooking” wine. There is no such thing as special wine for cooking – it is cheap and nasty wine with a dishonest label on it! The golden rule with wine in the kitchen is that you must only use wine you would happily drink. The upside to this golden rule is that you invariably end up with a lot of spare wine for drinking. Be sure not to keep your “good” wine in the pantry when you are done – drink it and buy a fresh bottle next time you need it.




























Nice one, Randall.
Some of these Chablis quaffing, Fat Duck eating people don’t know they’re born..didn’t have it that easy in my day.
Very nice. I wish I had more time to cook meals, but I work 12-8. :\ My husband misses them, too.
Snooty or not, I like reading these lists. I have no objection to learning how to correctly do something that is vital to our existance.
Goatmissile: you talk funny! j/k; you do have some funny expressions, although they make me laugh.
JFrater: Oh, I plan to learn from him. After all, I would like to get married again.
What I mean is that I know (hope–he-he) we’re not going to be roommates forever. And, my first wife didn’t cook either!!
Ray Bees:
Let’s face it. Cheap, easy white wine is the trailer trash, tattooed, semi-retarded cousin of red wine. I love ‘em both equally, because they both have their place. Yup, sometimes it’s great to have an expensive red… it’s what you need sometimes. Like the difference between ***** where you just shred your clothes and go at it, vs. ***** on a perfect day when you’ve taken her out on the boat for a great sail, and the sun was strong and the sky blue, and the two of you are in tune with the boat… and *then* you shred your clothes and go at it.
But I’ve always loved a quick and easy Blue Nun, or Soave, or Frascati. Nothing wrong with ‘em, and better than drinking some godawful make-me-gag Mountain Dew or Sprite. And they’re cheap and low-cal to boot. So drink up I say.
Jhawk, and JFrater. Totally. Searing just about anything over grilling is always best. Sear it and finish it in a cool oven–like 340F. Finishing in the oven lets the connective tissues break down, making for tender steak, fish, whatever. Try searing a salmon filet in a quite-hot pan. Just flip that puppy and throw it in the (preheated, of course) oven. Depending on thickness, 4-6 minutes, max. You’ll be blown away, if you have been eating dried out overcooked salmon all these years. Your guests will try to hump your leg.
jfater the sugar helps to balance acidity and bitterness in foods like tomatoes, red pepper, leeks, broccoli, almost any naturally red or green food…demarera sugar best in my opinion as it a more rounded flavour,,, but just a pinch
Wally: What is the ratio of Kosher and sea salt to human tears?
Cedestra: Thanks. I love language, and years in kitchens makes for all sorts of weird shorthand, portmanteaus, slang. JFRater: What the hell is the name of that dessert? It is driving me apewire. Eggs, wine (sherry? White? Sauterne? Can’t remember) Frothy stuff served in a wine glass?
Oh, and goiters and gout are not the same thing. Goiters are swollen gland- very swollen. Gout comes from eating too much rich food and drinking alcohol. Different symptoms, like achiness and swollen feet. Benjamin Franklin wrote a short story of a discussion with his Gout. Funny stuff.
RANDALL frickin’ rocks. #124, every word of it true true true.
Brotherman: That’s twisted, Can you put me on standing order?
You could use the Kendall Titanium Major to Make Blue Nun Frosties. Oblitereated Not Stirred.
Too many tears makes the sauce bitter. And Kudos to Brotherman for being so humbly frank.
My mom and grandmother are fantastic in the kitchen but as soon as I try to make something, like boil some eggs, I screw up badly.
It makes me never want to go near a kitchen again..
Great list though.
goat:
The dessert… perhaps…. Creme Brulee? Poulley Fuisse Fondue? Schnoopy Schnow Kone?
And thanks for the backup.
Or the time I made pasta and it tasted and looked like dough..
*cringe*
So you’re saying ***** and wine are similar in that you can spend a lot of time and money and make the experience the key or do it cheaply…they both end with the same outcome in their selected field. However, the experience is the lasting impression..the one you warmly remember..I feel you.
Anyone know any good technique for making scrambled eggs? I can’t eat my own eggs- they make me want to puke. Maybe too much butter in the pan? They wind up being either too runny/liquidy or rubbery.
There was a list about New Zealand recently. They were discussing a white dessert that some chef baked for a long time. Everyone was saying how it must be like a brick afterwards. I had never heard of it, so I don’t remember what it’s called.
Cedestra cook them slowly in a copper pan over a pot of hot water (ban marie)
Cedestra: fortunately for you I have an excellent recipe for scrambled eggs right here: http://listverse.com/miscellaneous/top-10-basic-cooking-tricks/
Number 2 is how to scramble an egg
Ray Bees:
Yes, that’s it. Good for you, you get a gold star.
And uh.. yes… you feel me. But that’s okay, you can stop now, dude. Really, quit it.
JayHawk (120): completely agree – do not marinate good meat!
addendum:
If your meal comes out of a box, you’re not cooking. Nothing wrong with that from time to time, but it’s akin to a quickie with Randall in a canoe. Sure it will satisfy, but it’s not the way you’re supposed to do it.
Cheez Whiz isn’t a food, it’s something you see a urologist for.
Pork fat rules. If you’re not cooking your hamburgers/steak/chicken breasts in bacon fat, you’re not cooking.
A Entomologist once pointed out to me that in 10 years of his students looking at the powdered cheese pack in Mac-N-Cheese, they have never had an instance of a pack that didn’t contain high amounts of cockroach parts and/or rodent hairs/feces. You are what you eat.
Alton Brown is a genius – if you don’t know how to cook, watch his show. Do what he says.
Anyone who doesn’t agree with me can lick my goiter.
What about too much salt?
goatmissile: are you thinking of a sabayon?
Mark: add it bit and bit and you won’t get too much. I do not give credence to the silly “anti-salt” brigade.
I’m not a cook, I just occasionaly eat food that has WAYYYY too much salt. I had a pretzel out in West Virginia and there was so much salt I had to SCRAPE OFF all of the salt for it to be edible.
A little salt is fine, though.
Cedestra: the pudding is called a pavlova. The real thing is very soft and marshmallowy in the center and has a crisp shell on the outside. I am not a fan of it as it is too sweet – but it is very popular here. Here is a photo:
http://www.exclusivelyfood.com.au/uploaded_images/pavlova17-795304.JPG
you can see how the center is very soft.
And here is a recipe:
http://www.elise.com/recipes/archives/004356pavlova.php
Crimanon: What would you like to order? We accept American Express, Visa and MasterCard.
bucslim:
What IS this with guys around here today “feeling” me and referencing *****ual encounters with me in watercraft? I know I’m cute, men, but c’mon… I’m all about the ladies.
and buc, please… “a meal from a box?” YOU came from out of a box. Slickwilly and I sent away for you from an ad at the back of a Fantastic Four comic book and put you together with popsicle sticks and pipe cleaners. I’m just surprised you’re still hanging together. We only used Elmer’s Glue All. For chrissakes, bubble gum bonds better.
And goiters, buc, do not grow on the *side of your head.* I told you… that’s a tumor. I advised you to get it lanced and cauterized, but you won’t listen. People get nauseous when it gets all runny, buc. Honestly, it’s really gross.
Watch the fantastic series The Wire and you’ll know what that means..it’s not gay like it sounds a bit..yo feel..
cedestra ..reminds me of my fave crossword clue ever!!!
GSGE (9,4) took me hours to work it out hehehe
Ray Bees:
Ahhh yes… The Wire. Now we reach. We reach, brother.
Good advice, but I have to agree that it is a bit snooty ($300 PER knife, “only” use fresh herbs). I guess people like me who can’t afford super pricey knives and don’t want to buy fresh herbs only to have them go to waste aren’t really cooking! Who knew.
Jfrater: I just clicked the “I love cooking” part of the text and was met by the sight of a dead rabbit. D:!
First of all ew, second of all what does it taste like?
meh: the knife was my recommendation for the best – you can get good knives for much less. As for the fresh herbs – you are right… you aren’t really cooking
JFrater: SABAYON!!! Yes!
You can’t put too much butter in the pan for scrambled eggs. And for the love of God, never add milk to the eggs. BEAT THE EGGS WITH A FORK, BUT NOT TOO MUCH. Just harrass them a bit. Medium pan, cook ‘em quickly; loose but not too wet. Put the (kosher) salt in when you throw the eggs in the sauteuse (pan). In and out, nobody gets hurt.
HOT BUTTA’D GOITAS HE-A! GETCHER HOT BUTTA’D GOITAS!!
KIPPERED GUPPY PUFFS! GETCHA PUFFS HE-A!!
Let’s all have a bit of Marmite on Lomticks, what?
jfrater: I have grilled asparagus in aluminum foil drizzled with extra virgin olive oil and a few minced garlic cloves.
Is there a way to properly wrap a whole fish in aluminum foil with herbs and oil and smoke/grill the fish?
“Cuisine is when things taste like themselves.”
Curnonsky (adopted name of Maurice Edmond Sailland (1872-1956)
Ummmm….Jamie, after reading this I’m thinking that perhaps we should cancel the dinner invitation
Or at least, please don’t turn up until the food is on the plates!
True that.
Hey, Jamie when you gonna do the very best TV shows in history? Mate of mine somehow got me into Buffy recently..shouldn’t like it but it rocks..
Buclism (144) I pretty much idolize Alton Brown! he’s like Bill Nye the Science Guy, but way more awesome.
Knives are essential if you’re doing a lot of cooking. I need to find a good sushi knife- I make sushi weekly and I’m disappointed by my mishappen, squished rolls. If I didn’t make sushi, I don’t think I’d care too much about it.
I Love Alton Brown, too. He makes cooking…FUN!
Catriona: haha – these are the standards I set myself, not by which I judge
I made up my mind that I’ll never cook, my grandma cooks for me and in the future I’ll keep a chef.
However,if(and only if)the situatuon arises that I ever need to cook, I’ll always remember this list.
I have to say I am guilty of having some non-stick cookware, but it’s good hefty stuff, unlike the crap my roommate insists on keeping in my kitchen, I’d be better off just putting a piece of aluminum foil on top of the stove than to use his “cookware.” I’m also guilty of overcrowding the pan, but I’ve been working on that recently.
Oh, I forgot! What are wives for?
Thanks for mentioning sharp knives! Last night I dreamed about someone walking through a meatworks chopping hands and feet off people, or slitting throats. I’m glad a didn’t dream about parasites two nights ago!
****
goatmissile
I hate white chocolate mousse to this day.
****
lol! lol! lol!
When my eldest daughter was young, 4 through 10, she’d always ask for white chocolate cheesecake for her birthday cake. I’m sure you know what a hassle making that is…took me two days, and the cost!!!
AH, but a Mom will do anything for her child.
Cheesecake. Horrid dessert. My heart goes out to you. But of course, I would hammer one out too, if one of my spawn wanted it. At least cheesecake can’t fall. And if it does, who cares? They’ll still love it.
Randall,
You must have been looking at the ad in the back of Conan for Charles Atlas. I still have the Tiger Skin loin cloth – the extra long version, mind you.
And I really don’t want to hear about your sick childhood fantasies about hanging out over at Slick Willie’s house while you two read Richie Rich comics while giving each other ‘back rubs.’ Of course there isn’t anything wrong with that, we just don’t want to hear about it.
The doc took care of the cauterization, but you might need to do something about that pant-load you carry around.
Hugs and Kisses – b
BrotherMan: Two cases of “Emo”, they usually have a little more Iron in them. One case of dried angels tears, they make good cakes. Three pounds of frog eye juices, for my sea food. The rare one; Three ounces of the tears of a Republican, good for explosives.
Republicans don’t have tears. Or vertebrae.
Segue: I also made all my kid’s food from scratch. Creamed salmon, chiken a la king, pureed veg, the works. The only baby food I ever bought was fruit. It was difficult to get the variety making my own. Apple sauce and strained peaches and pears only go so far. And besides I love bb food tutti-fruiti and blueberries. I never did the toddler food thing, mine moved from the strained stuff to straight table food with few modifications. My goodness, my babies ate taco’s and rare steak and everything we ate.
By the way it was my list with the tip about the fridge to make your perfect crab cakes. Which I love by the way. You should post the recipe on one of the forum pages.
**Deal Alert**
For all you folks complaining about the price of decent cookware, Costco often has good Lagostina cookware for under $250.00. When you take a look at the K-Mart, Walmart stuff that costs 150.00 for the set, and is just crap, the expense doesn’t seem too high now does it?
It is aluminum with a bonded copper (just shy of 1/2″ or 4mm) and the whole thing coated in Stainless for ease of cleaning. Not as good as solid copper, but excellent none the less.
Watch out, there are a couple of lines of Lagostina. Buy the ones with the solid handles. They are better constructed and they don’t trap food/gunk.
s/b bonded copper bottom.
Why can’t I ever get it right the first time?
I have rarely ever cooked anything thats been edible. Although this list won’t help me too much in the kitchen it at least gave me some insight into some of the things i was DEFINITELY doing wrong. Great article!