I’ve been contemplating writing a list for a while now and finally got my inspiration from watching one of my favorite cooking shows, Good Eats. (Hush, Jamie. I know you hate that show.) My love of cheese has grown throughout the years, from asking my parents for some “cheesh” please to carefully selecting a new cheese to try from the gourmet section of my local grocery store. I hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed researching and writing it.
The root of the English word cheese comes from the Latin caseus, which also gives us the word casein, the milk protein that is the basis of cheese. In Old English, caseus was cīese or cēse, which became chese in Middle English, finally becoming cheese in Modern English. Caseus is also the root word for cheese in other languages, including queso in Spanish, kaas in Dutch, käse in German, and queijo in Portuguese. Caseus Formatus, or molded (formed) cheese, brought us formaticum, the term the Romans employed for the hard cheese used as supplies for the legionaries. From this root comes the French fromage and the Italian formaggio.
Cheese consumption predates recorded history, with scholars believing it began as early as 8000 BC, when sheep were first domesticated, to as late as 3000 BC. It is believed to have been discovered in the Middle East or by nomadic Turkic tribes in Central Asia, where foodstuffs were commonly stored in animal hides or organs for transport. Milk stored in animal stomachs would have separated into curds and whey by movement and the rennet and bacteria naturally present.
Egypt brings us the earliest archeological evidence of cheesemaking, found in tomb murals that date back to 2000 BC. These cheeses were likely to have been very sour and salty (lots of salt was needed to preserve the cheese in the hot, arid climate) and similar to a cottage cheese or feta in texture. Cheeses made in Europe didn’t require as much salt because of cooler conditions, thus paving the way for beneficial microbes and molds to form and give aged cheeses their interesting and robust flavors.
Ancient Greeks and Romans were the first to turn cheesemaking into a fine art. Larger Roman houses even had a special kitchen, called a careale, just for making cheese. After developing new techniques for smoking and adding other flavors into cheeses, the Romans spread this knowledge slowly through their empire. Local resources allowed for different varieties to develop along the way.
After the fall of the Roman Empire, innovative monks were responsible for inventing some of the classic varieties of cheese we know today. According to the British Cheese Board, Britain has approximately 700 distinct local cheeses. It is thought that France and Italy have perhaps 400 each. The varying flavors, colors, and textures of cheese come from many factors, including the type of milk used, the type of bacteria or acids used to separate the milk, the length of aging, and the addition of other flavorings or mold.
Although most cheese is produced from cow, sheep, or goat’s milk, it can and has been made from a plethora of milk-producing animals. A farm in Bjurholm, Sweden actually makes moose cheese. The lactation period of moose is short, lasting from about June to August, and the farm, owned by Christer and Ulla Johansson, keeps three moose that produce only 300 kilograms of cheese per year. The moose cheese sells for roughly US$1000 per kilogram. Places in Russia also produce moose milk but have not had success with moose cheesemaking due to its high protein content.
The United States is the top producer of cheese in the world, with Wisconsin and California leading the states in production. Although the US produces the most cheese, Greece and France lead the pack in cheese consumption per capita, averaging 27.3 and 24.0 kilograms per person in 2003 respectively. In the same year, the average US citizen consumed around 14.1 kg, although cheese consumption in the US has tripled since 1970 and is continuing to increase. Pictured above is cheez whiz. Keep it classy.
Limburger cheese is notorious for its strong and generally unpleasant odor. The bacteria known as brevibacterium linens causes this. It is also found on human skin and is partially responsible for body odor. The Chalet Cheese Cooperative, located in Monroe, Wisconsin, is the only maker of limburger cheese in North America today.
When eating cheese fondue, make sure to save room for “the nun” at the bottom of the pot, or la religieuse. Religieuse means nun in French and usually refers to a type of pastry. There is much speculation as to why the cracker-like, toasted cheese layer found in the bottom of a caquelon is called la religieuse, ranging from the legend that monks saved the last remaining bits of fondue for the nuns to the idea that eating it is a religious experience. In German, it is called the Großmutter or grossmutter, which translates to grandmother. The meaning behind this use is also unclear.
“A cheese may disappoint. It may be dull, it may be naive, it may be over sophisticated. Yet it remains, cheese, milk’s leap toward immortality.” Clifton Fadiman (American writer and editor; New Yorker book reviewer, 1904-1999)
“A dinner which ends without cheese is like a beautiful woman with only one eye.” Jean-Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (French lawyer and politician, epicure and gastronome, 1755-1826)
“Many’s the long night I’ve dreamed of cheese — toasted, mostly.” Robert Louis Stevenson (Scottish novelist, poet, essayist and travel writer, 1850-1894)
“How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?” Charles De Gaulle (French general and president, 1890-1970)
























September 18th, 2009 at 1:35 am
Well that was about as interesting as the title suggested!
September 18th, 2009 at 1:36 am
cheese and facinating are oxymorons, cmon this site deserves better than this stink
September 18th, 2009 at 1:37 am
the moon is made of cheese
September 18th, 2009 at 1:40 am
“A dinner which ends without cheese is like a beautiful woman with only one eye.” Is it really? Wow…lol thats just a little extreme don’t ya think? I think this guy needs to leave cheese alone for a while…maybe find that beautiful woman to fill that lonely, cheese filled void in his life cuz…dang
September 18th, 2009 at 1:43 am
sewriously…cheese??? i wait until 0230h to find out what the new list will be and we get this! wow jfrater, the well really must be running dry. this is the driest most uniteresting list i have ever seen, even on onther lesser wbesites about stupid lists, i don’t think any of them reall would have sunk this low to even waste time on the subject. I am very seriously dissappoointed!!
September 18th, 2009 at 1:43 am
I thought this list was fairly interesting
and unexpected =P The inspiration for it made me laugh though
September 18th, 2009 at 1:44 am
This is a very nice fun list, thank you. xxx
September 18th, 2009 at 1:44 am
wow my spelling sucked
September 18th, 2009 at 1:46 am
Cheese hmmmm. Nice list btw
September 18th, 2009 at 1:47 am
How could anyone hate Good Eats?
September 18th, 2009 at 1:55 am
And as a remedy for asthma, a Hogget(an immature sheep past the ‘baby’ stage; what we call an adolescent), is fed excess amount of milk, and boiled alive in a big enclosed tank. Finally its taken out and the stomach is cut open for the fresh cheese inside.
I don’t whether it cures u or not,but it sure sends u to hell after your time is up.
September 18th, 2009 at 1:55 am
I also LOVE cheese, therefor loved this list.
September 18th, 2009 at 1:56 am
I don’t know* ^
September 18th, 2009 at 2:01 am
Im not a big cheese eater, but then again what will a good greek salad be witout feta and black olives – enjoyed the read thanks.
September 18th, 2009 at 2:04 am
Sorry should be without @(14)
September 18th, 2009 at 2:08 am
I thought it was interesting Cheeshy. And Good Eats is a great show.
September 18th, 2009 at 2:19 am
Good job, Cheeshy! Interesting and I like your writing style
September 18th, 2009 at 2:23 am
boring list
September 18th, 2009 at 2:35 am
Love this list! Good work! Actually I love all food related lists. I just can’t understand all the nasty comments…
Didn’t your parents raise you with the instruction ‘if you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all’?
September 18th, 2009 at 3:01 am
Interesting list. Can see why it’s not for everyone, but hey, you can’t please em all. I liked it. Thanks. D
September 18th, 2009 at 3:15 am
Honk if you love cheeses!
September 18th, 2009 at 3:21 am
lame list
September 18th, 2009 at 3:35 am
only number 1 surprised me =S
September 18th, 2009 at 3:42 am
“Facts About Cheese” yes but the word “Fascinating” was misleading.
September 18th, 2009 at 3:44 am
I love cheese
September 18th, 2009 at 3:45 am
You haven’t lived until you’ve tried roasted Halloumi cheese.
Make sure its Cyprus make. All others are copies.
September 18th, 2009 at 4:07 am
What an incredibly cheesy list!
But seriously folks, if you don’t like the list then move on. No reason to be mean about it. How about you try coming up with something fresh and interesting everyday that will keep everyone happy?
Liked the list. You can never have too many useful pieces of information.
September 18th, 2009 at 4:08 am
GREAT LIST…..I LOVE GOAT CHEESE! ITS A VERY VERY RICH CHEESE….
September 18th, 2009 at 4:11 am
I’m craving…
September 18th, 2009 at 4:22 am
I love cheese too and I like the list.
September 18th, 2009 at 4:28 am
Cheese = <3
September 18th, 2009 at 4:31 am
“Cheese is milk’s leap toward immortality.” – Clifton Fadiman
September 18th, 2009 at 4:38 am
Well I enjoyed this list. It was informative without being pretentious and list which containes that De Gaulle quite is ok with me.
September 18th, 2009 at 4:42 am
I am aware of the terrible place to put this information, but this is reggie5N’s spouse reporting. Reggie suffered a fatal bite from a coral snake the other day. I hope we can find the humor that this is posted under a cheese list. Although this might be a downer on the list, it was not the snake’s fault. Reginald was simply trying to relocate it to a new area where someone won’t kill it, and our area does not supply antivenin.
Once again, I just thought I’d say that this man has passed on. I take all fault for sort of ruining this list. But as Wallace once said, “Cheese makes everything better. Especially funerals,” I believe that was from collection, “Misadventures of Wallace and Gromit”?
September 18th, 2009 at 4:42 am
Haha! Did you not notice that the title is about cheese and the author is name “chees”hygirl? Maybe that is why you chose the topic. Glad there will be a new list! Had been waiting. Um, cheeese, yuuuuuuuuum.
September 18th, 2009 at 4:45 am
Wow…each to his own…
September 18th, 2009 at 4:46 am
Imagine a cheese made of killer whale milk and you’re as thin as 40 kg and the next day you grew to 80 kg. SO what would that be like if you turned it to cheese? Greeeeeeeeeat list btw. Cheese and milk addict. =V
September 18th, 2009 at 4:50 am
Cheesus !
September 18th, 2009 at 4:51 am
I live in Wisconsin!
September 18th, 2009 at 4:57 am
when making cheese you can use the biproducts (the ratio cheese to waste was 9:1 i think, when making industrally) to make better thing which are worth alot more. The cost of producing Cheese is higher than the selling price of cheese. So how do they make there money.????
Process the waste stream correctly and you can produce Whey protein Concentrate, and that is where the money is made
September 18th, 2009 at 4:57 am
#’s 2-5-8 dbrownl Ifn you can do a better list, PUT UP OR SHUT UP and more than your spelin sux.
September 18th, 2009 at 5:00 am
You know Good Eats is a great show when I love it yet I don’t cook at all. Long live Alton!
September 18th, 2009 at 5:17 am
Great list, Cheeshygirl! I had no idea about moose cheese. Not sure if my love of cheese would extend that far.
I love cheese. Went shopping last night and forgot to get some cheese. So, I was bummed and now I see this list and really want some cheese.
mmmmm….cheese.
@astraya (21): Honk!
September 18th, 2009 at 5:23 am
Wow. What up with the first few comments? You can see from the introduction how strongly Cheeshy feels about this subject. So when you’re being nasty, you’re not just saying “oh this list wasn’t for me”. Imagine how poor Cheeshy felt when he/she (sorry, Cheeshy!) read those remarks. Shame on you. If you aren’t interested in a subject, wait until the next list and be quiet. I’ll bet for every list that you like there are a few people that don’t like it but have the manners to shut up about it.
Now-on to the subject. I tried limburger once. It’s one of those foods that don’t taste like it smells. I kinda liked it but haven’t had any since.
September 18th, 2009 at 5:25 am
My bad. I just saw that the author is Cheeshy girl not Cheeshy! Sorrysorrysorrysorry!
September 18th, 2009 at 5:26 am
You can milk anything with nipples. Hence, MORE cheese PLEASE! Great list Cheesh…
September 18th, 2009 at 5:30 am
Cheese. It’s like a women. Can’t like with Limburger. Can’t eat a hamburger pattie without it.
Cheese. It’s like a box of chocolates, just when you think you’re on top of it, it squirts you in the eye.
Cheese…. Alright I’m out.
September 18th, 2009 at 5:32 am
I love cheese, and I love Good Eats. Alton Brown is my hero.
September 18th, 2009 at 5:32 am
Damien. Bet you you can’t milk my cat! She’s just turned 21 years old…
Can I pay you to try?
September 18th, 2009 at 5:34 am
Random but awesome – I hope those people who have said rude comments choke the next time they eat cheese
September 18th, 2009 at 5:35 am
I love cheese. But I’m lactose intolerant =( Not fair!
September 18th, 2009 at 5:36 am
I milked a cat once. To help out the runt of the litter who couldn’t reach the teat.
September 18th, 2009 at 5:40 am
… I wonder if anyone’s tried to make cheese out of human milk…
September 18th, 2009 at 5:43 am
Has anyone read Nation by Terry Pratchett?
This woman had a baby and couldn’t feed it so our hero goes out hunting wild mummy pigs at night so that he can milk them to feed the baby.
The bizarre part is that he has to do it orally.
September 18th, 2009 at 5:48 am
Whoa, whoa, whoa…. wait a second… How could ANYONE hate the show Good Eats?
HOW?
They have to be crazy.
September 18th, 2009 at 5:48 am
i think people should stop being so rude.
there was nothing wrong with this list.
if you have a problem with the lists why dont you send in your own, then? jFrater works hard to bring us new lists every day and you have the audacity to criticize? you should be ashamed. ugh…
September 18th, 2009 at 5:54 am
Ahh sonicsuicide (45) your quotes were as crap as the quotes in this list. Not a bad list all up but maybe a little too much wikipedia input.
Has anyone considered making human breast milk cheese? Dont know if I could drink raw breast milk but I could put a slice of it on a sandwich. Would human rennet be necessary though?
September 18th, 2009 at 5:55 am
Oooh sonicsuicide (51) you beat me to it you bastard!
September 18th, 2009 at 5:55 am
Interesting, but not really a list. More an essay with headings all about cheese.
September 18th, 2009 at 5:55 am
i love lists about foods!
i am now off to eat brie on cracker
mmmmm lol
September 18th, 2009 at 6:02 am
No-ones ragged the list since post 24… I think we can safely say the raggers arn’t reading your anti-ragging posts.
September 18th, 2009 at 6:03 am
September 18th, 2009 at 6:03 am
Haha! Wally, my bad. But your way of putting it was better!
September 18th, 2009 at 6:06 am
Fun list. And now I’m hankering for a hunk of cheese…
“Crackers, Gromit! We’ve forgotten the crackers!”
September 18th, 2009 at 6:15 am
WTG cheeshygirl, Cheese is awesome, even if I stick with eating only the plain ones, colby jack FTW!
I lived in wisconsin for a year and was introduced to cheese curds, mmmmm, so wrong yet so right!
September 18th, 2009 at 6:21 am
Didn’t Jamie do a list about the most bizarre types of cheeses? That one type that is only considered ready when the maggots are fully grown?
September 18th, 2009 at 6:22 am
@damien_karras (50): In all good humor, I imagine you would have tried to milk a kitty even if there was no starving kitlet in sight……by the way, who enjoyed it more, you or the cat?
Cheeshygirl…Thank-you for the interesting and well written list, it’s good to see a new name in the author’s spot. It ain’t easy, bein’ Cheeshy!!!
September 18th, 2009 at 6:23 am
Nice list……..
September 18th, 2009 at 6:26 am
Also can’t understand bothering to post if you didn’t like the list. How negative can you get? If you really didn’t like it, why extend the effort? Cyber equivalent to whining.
Love Alton Brown to death, but then I’m into cool geeks. I really can’t stand to just eat cheese. Something about the texture. Sure don’t want the moldy cheeses. I throw out stuff that gets moldy. But I’d kill for a crispy, buttery grilled cheese sandwich, devour mac and cheese whenever possible, appreciate a slice on my burger, and looooove nachos. Maybe I do like cheese, but with specifications?
September 18th, 2009 at 6:28 am
Cheesus, lol. Nom nom nom nom.
September 18th, 2009 at 6:31 am
@deeeziner (65): I derived no pleasure from it other than the hope that little Gepetto would recover.
September 18th, 2009 at 6:40 am
interesting list… I love cheese.
September 18th, 2009 at 6:40 am
Cheeshy, I’m gonna have string cheese for breakfast to honor you
September 18th, 2009 at 6:43 am
It’s very noble of you, Damien, to help out a poor kitty like that. I say that without a shred of sarcasm.
September 18th, 2009 at 6:43 am
No mention of Venezuelian Beaver Cheese?
September 18th, 2009 at 6:55 am
No woolhouse, that one was put on the list about bizarre kinds of cheese.
September 18th, 2009 at 7:03 am
@deeeziner(67) In the same frame of mind, I heard about some bloke that tried to milk a Honey Badger, the end result was that he spent 2 weeks in hospital.
September 18th, 2009 at 7:06 am
dont get between people and their cheese
September 18th, 2009 at 7:10 am
This list was so amazingly dull i think i’m Lactose intolerance now. But i guess it was just poorly suited to my taste.
September 18th, 2009 at 7:12 am
Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!
September 18th, 2009 at 7:19 am
This list was about exciting as “The Top 10 Ways To Watch Paint Dry”. The list must be some inside joke that the rest of us are not in on.
September 18th, 2009 at 7:23 am
I used to live in a town in West London (W4) called Chiswick. For the record, the Chis portion means “cheese”. The Wick means “farm”. I lived in a cheese farm!
September 18th, 2009 at 7:24 am
My French and Italian relatives like to end a meal with cheese, so to them it would be strange to not have cheese.
I can’t understand why people eat cheez whiz, velveeta, or cheese slices. All of them taste like melted plastic.
September 18th, 2009 at 7:27 am
Hi, I’m Petie and I’m a Cheeseoholic. I love cheese. I’m hungry now. Thanks.
September 18th, 2009 at 7:28 am
Anyone else think Wensleydale is awesome?
September 18th, 2009 at 7:33 am
Cheese in a spray can. Memories of The Blues brothers come back to haunt me. Why can’t they have meat in a spray can?
September 18th, 2009 at 7:37 am
you forget the best cheese quote ever … or actually cheese song. If you haven’t seen this clip you have to google it!! so great.
“workin on my night cheese!” — 30 rock
September 18th, 2009 at 7:42 am
Never in a million years would I have thought that I would find cheese fascinating. WTG Cheesygirl, this list was very interesting and well written.
September 18th, 2009 at 7:47 am
Cheese is best when put on Doritos. Lil slice of Colby Jack on top the chip. Heaven.
September 18th, 2009 at 7:52 am
@reggie5N (34)
I’m so sorry for you loss
This must be a difficult time for you.
Thank you for passing the information on to us. He will be missed.
My thoughts are with you
September 18th, 2009 at 7:55 am
Cool – great list. Some people are never statisfied – they actually wait for these lists to come out then say they are bad??? Wow, someone has nothing better to look forward to in life :-/ Thanks for the free entertainment!
September 18th, 2009 at 8:01 am
mmm…yay for cheese!
my mother used to make homemade goat’s milk chesse when i was a child…to this day, cereal just doesn’t taste right in store-bought cow’s milk…
a very entertaining list…i wouldn’t say “i love cheese”, but i certainly like it very much. melted, fried, those little baby bells, spreadable, white, sharp, holey…
it’s good. and a good list.
rtr
September 18th, 2009 at 8:27 am
The absolute best meal I have ever eaten in my life was in a Greek restaurant in Amsterdam called De 2 Grieken (my spelling may be off). It was Greek(obviously), but the food was unbelievable. Rich feta and olives and great lamb dishes. I just want to recommend it to everyone in the world as the best place to eat anywhere. I would invite comments from anyone who has eaten there.
September 18th, 2009 at 8:31 am
Yum, cheese… My husband and I are also big cheese fans. Every time we go to the supermarket we wander the gourmet cheese section and try to buy at least one we´ve never tried before though many times we fall back on our personal favorites. Mine is ash-covered goat cheese and his is brie.
Cheese is good…. with the exception of the cazu marzu.
September 18th, 2009 at 8:31 am
@dbrownl (5):
if you hate it so much then just summit your own list
September 18th, 2009 at 8:42 am
“Cheese, Grommit!! I’m just crackers for cheese!” Wallace and Grommit
September 18th, 2009 at 8:54 am
Folks, I feel compelled to tell you that the moon is not made of cheese. The sun is. Very warm, somewhat melted gouda. Mars is a pepperoni. Betcha didn’t know that. You ever seen the backside of Mars? Me neither. It’s flat.
September 18th, 2009 at 9:00 am
“Greece and France lead the pack in cheese consumption per capita, averaging 27.3 and 24.0 kilograms per person in 2003 respectively.”
I always knew that we (Greeks) eat a lot of cheese but I never thought we eat more cheese than French! But then again, feta is the best cheese ever made!
September 18th, 2009 at 9:00 am
This list is horrible
September 18th, 2009 at 9:04 am
What the F*** have you done to that fondue?!? That’s sacrilege!!!
September 18th, 2009 at 9:13 am
@minastauriel(98) See my comment @ 14
September 18th, 2009 at 9:26 am
Mm, cheese~.. Now I want some Billinge cheese.. -checks the fridge- Yesss!
September 18th, 2009 at 9:26 am
Customer: Good Morning.
Wenslydale: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium!
Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.
Wenslydale: What can I do for you, Sir?
Customer: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through “Rogue Herrys” by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly
came over all peckish.
Wenslydale: Peckish, sir?
Customer: Esuriant.
Wenslydale: Eh?
Customer: ‘Ee, Ah wor ‘ungry-loike!
Wenslydale: Ah, hungry!
Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, “a little fermented curd will do the trick,” so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated
your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles!
Wenslydale: Come again?
Customer: I want to buy some cheese.
Wenslydale: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player!
Customer: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!
Wenslydale: Sorry?
Customer: ‘Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, ‘yer forced too!
Wenslydale: So he can go on playing, can he?
Customer: Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my good man.
Wenslydale: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?
Customer: Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester.
Wenslydale: I’m, a-fraid we’re fresh out of red Leicester, sir.
Customer: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?
Wenslydale: I’m afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday.
Customer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please.
Wenslydale: Ah! It’s beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.
Customer: ‘T’s Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bel Paese?
Wenslydale: Sorry, sir.
Customer: Red Windsor?
Wenslydale: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.
Customer: Ah. Stilton?
Wenslydale: Sorry.
Customer: Ementhal? Gruyere?
Wenslydale: No.
Customer: Any Norweigan Jarlsburg, per chance.
Wenslydale: No.
Customer: Lipta?
Wenslydale: No.
Customer: Lancashire?
Wenslydale: No.
Customer: White Stilton?
Wenslydale: No.
Customer: Danish Brew?
Wenslydale: No.
Customer: Double Goucester?
Wenslydale: (pause) No.
Customer: Cheshire?
Wenslydale: No.
Customer: Dorset Bluveny?
Wenslydale: No.
Customer: Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Port Salut, Savoy Aire, Saint Paulin, Carrier de lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson?
Wenslydale: No.
Customer: Camenbert, perhaps?
Wenslydale: Ah! We have Camenbert, yessir.
Customer: (suprised) You do! Excellent.
Wenslydale: Yessir. It’s..ah,…..it’s a bit runny…
Customer: Oh, I like it runny.
Wenslydale: Well,.. It’s very runny, actually, sir.
Customer: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah!
Wenslydale: I…think it’s a bit runnier than you’ll like it, sir.
Customer: I don’t care how fucking runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
Wenslydale: Oooooooooohhh……..!
Customer: What now?
Wenslydale: The cat’s eaten it.
Customer: (pause) Has he.
Wenslydale: She, sir.
(pause)
Customer: Gouda?
Wenslydale: No.
Customer: Edam?
Wenslydale: No.
Customer: Case Ness?
Wenslydale: No.
Customer: Smoked Austrian?
Wenslydale: No.
Customer: Japanese Sage Darby?
Wenslydale: No, sir.
Customer: You…do *have* some cheese, don’t you?
Wenslydale: (brightly) Of course, sir. It’s a cheese shop, sir. We’ve got–
Customer: No no… don’t tell me. I’m keen to guess.
Wenslydale: Fair enough.
Customer: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale.
Wenslydale: Yes?
Customer: Ah, well, I’ll have some of that!
Wenslydale: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Wensleydale, that’s my name.
(pause)
Customer: Greek Feta?
Wenslydale: Uh, not as such.
Customer: Uuh, Gorgonzola?
Wenslydale: no
Customer: Parmesan,
Wenslydale: no
Customer: Mozarella,
Wenslydale: no
Customer: Paper Cramer,
Wenslydale: no
Customer: Danish Bimbo,
Wenslydale: no
Customer: Czech sheep’s milk,
Wenslydale: no
Customer: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?
Wenslydale: Not *today*, sir, no.
(pause)
Customer: Aah, how about Cheddar?
Wenslydale: Well, we don’t get much call for it around here, sir.
Customer: Not much ca–It’s the single most popular cheese in the world!
Wenslydale: Not ’round here, sir.
Customer: and what IS the most popular cheese ’round hyah?
Wenslydale: ‘Illchester, sir.
Customer: IS it.
Wenslydale: Oh, yes, it’s staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.
Customer: Is it.
Wenslydale: It’s our number one best seller, sir!
Customer: I see. Uuh…’Illchester, eh?
Wenslydale: Right, sir.
Customer: All right. Okay. ‘Have you got any?’ he asked, expecting the answer ‘no’.
Wenslydale: I’ll have a look, sir… nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.
Customer: It’s not much of a cheese shop, is it?
Wenslydale: Finest in the district!
Customer: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
Wenslydale: Well, it’s so clean, sir!
Customer: It’s certainly uncontaminated by cheese….
Wenslydale: (brightly) You haven’t asked me about Limburger, sir.
Customer: Would it be worth it?
Wenslydale: Could be….
Customer: Have you –SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!
Wenslydale: Told you sir….
Customer: (slowly) Have you got any Limburger?
Wenslydale: No.
Customer: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me
Wenslydale: Yessir?
Customer: Have you in fact got any cheese here at all.
Wenslydale: Yes,sir.
Customer: Really?
(pause) Wenslydale: No. Not really, sir.
Customer: You haven’t.
Wenslydale: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time,sir.
Customer: Well I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to shoot you.
Wenslydale: Right-o, sir.
The customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner.
Customer: What a *senseless* waste of human life.
September 18th, 2009 at 9:30 am
Not bad for a cheese list. some good stuff.
September 18th, 2009 at 9:32 am
excellent list Cheeshygirl. Always something to learn at this site. Thanks.
The NY Times just had an article about the only Euro camel milk farm. The cheese the farmer produces sells for about $60 a pound (the milk is $15/quart) …
Find the story here: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/16/world/europe/16camels.html
September 18th, 2009 at 9:46 am
This was a fine, funny and educational list — you did splendidly, Cheeshygirl!
Now what the very divvil was Bucslim on about just now? Please tell me that was a Python skit, old man. If not, I urge you to seek help. NOW.
September 18th, 2009 at 9:48 am
Yes, right, the Cheese Shop Sketch — just Googled it. Whew!
September 18th, 2009 at 9:59 am
i like cheese! this list was pretty good!
September 18th, 2009 at 10:50 am
Excellent list Cheeshy; well written and well researched, even some stuff I didn’t know. Good job. I also don’t understand the North American fixation on phony cheese. That’s why they’re called American Slices, the first ingredient is not milk, it’s oil….ewww, I’m feeling queasy just thinking about it. (although I must admit to using cheese whiz in white sauce for a quick yummy addition to broccoli or cauliflower)
@reggie5N (34): My condolences. Holy smokes, I can hardly believe it. No antivenin in an area with coral snakes? That is sooo shitty. (and no I don’t blame the snake either)
September 18th, 2009 at 11:01 am
I loved this list.
I am on my way to the store for some CHEESE! What did you think? Salami? Oh that would be good, too…..
Try gorgonzola and fresh sliced pears for dessert.
September 18th, 2009 at 11:10 am
Excellent list Cheeshy
I have never met a cheese that I didn’t love! (except the highly processed stuff that isn’t really cheese anyway)
I’m going to have to add the moose cheese to my list of new things to try.
If any of you make it Oregon, try one of Rogue Creamery’s excellent blue cheeses
@damien_karras (46):
I have nipples, can you milk me?
@astraya (21):
Honk!
September 18th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Cheeshygirl, that was a really good list, very readable, lots of facts that I did not know. A lot of fun. I have been a big cheese eater all my life (I am not retired, so that has been a long time). When I was in the service, I was able to eat cheese all over the world and loved it. When I hit port, I always had the local bread, local cheese, local wine, beer, or liquor, and meat. It was great.
I recently left my home in Utah (US), and returned to Oregon. We have our share of cheese factories here, especially on the coast. Tomorrow I am taking my grand kids to the coast and we will visit the Tillamook cheese factory. And but a bunch of cheese, curds, and a great ice cream cone.
Thanks for a great list, it will make my cheese factory trip that much more fun.
September 18th, 2009 at 11:19 am
@dbrownl (8): Yeah, and you suck too. Stop whining everytime a list is not exactly to your liking. Many of us like the variety. You act like a spoiled 12 year old brat. Make your on list and we will judge you, but not harshly or mean spirited, as you do others.
I will look forward to a good list about something that you enjoy.
September 18th, 2009 at 11:24 am
@Shifty (111): Wow, I checked out the site for the Rogue Creamery, and next time I am in southern Oregon, I will stop for a visit. They just got Best in Show at the largest cheese competition in the US. Sounds like a winner to me.
September 18th, 2009 at 11:26 am
@bucslim (103): That was funny, I had to read every word to extend my enjoyment. I’m glad I did, because there were several little gems (but alas, no cheese) in it.
September 18th, 2009 at 11:29 am
“It ain’t easy…bein Cheesay…” is it bucslim? lol
September 18th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Awesome!
September 18th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
I like this list a lot, although I have to say that I’m VERY disappointed that a fight didn’t break out on the existence or non-existence of God.
*pffft* What’s this site coming to . . .
September 18th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
here we call cheese, keju! i bet it’s from queijo in Portuguese. they came here in 1511 anyway..
@reggie5N (34), sorry to hear that..
September 18th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Great list! Craving some Laughing Cow now…even with the hangover I am suffering through.
September 18th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
my friend is from monroe, wi and worked in a cheese factory! i wonder if it’s the same one as in #3!
September 18th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
1: blessed are the cheesemakers.
2: what’s so special about the cheesemakers?
1: well, obviously it’s not meant to be taken literally. it refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.
September 18th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
it’s a piece of information..don’t yah think,.it’s for someone who knows little trivia about cheese,.it means something to them.,for someone who does nothing but complain, make your own list..come on!
September 18th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
@redcaboose (115):
I particularly like how runny the Camenbert is.
September 18th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
I’m curious about the moose cheese, has anyone ever tasted it? What’s it like?
I absolutely adore any kind of cheese, except for the Danish blue kind. I tasted it once, and my stomach immediately sent up emergency signals..”DO NOT SWALLOW”
September 18th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
This list made me crave cheese and crackers.
September 18th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
This list is really cheesy
September 18th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
@dbrownl (5): Jamie didn’t even make this list, moron. Now go and whine somewhere else, preferably with a good reason
September 18th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
@dbrownl (5): Jamie didn’t even make this list, moron.
September 18th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
I hope that Moose cheese is tasty – its expensive! Nice quotes – especially French President. Nice one!
September 18th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
booooring
September 18th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
BOOOOOORING
September 18th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
Cheeshy! You wrote a list! Good job… I liked it a lot.
Bucslim: You beat me to it! I was reading the comments, hoping no one would mention the MP skit… Damn you!
My favorite cheese is Tillamook Caraway Cheddar, but I can’t find it anywhere in our little town.
Astraya: Honk!
September 18th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Do they make beaver ass juice cheese?
I once read a book (?Terry Pratchett in a non-Discworld moment) about a group of young English children who get caught up in the battle of Armageddon due to some sort of switch of the antichrist baby at birth, I forget the details. The girl in the group is called Wensleydale. At the time I read it, I had never heard of Wensleydale cheese, and I completely failed to get the jokes people were making at her expense throughout the book.
September 18th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
From lists about chess to lists about cheese, the lists spiral down in the most boring pit ever known to websites.
Bring back unsolved mysteries.
September 18th, 2009 at 5:36 pm
i’m from california and our cheese market is huge… we have lots of dairy farms in our state
September 18th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
i am remembering the cheese board pa ad from years ago….
for thousands of years it man bleaved the moon was made of cheese. in 1969 man landed on the moon and found it was made up of rocks. man hasnt been back sence.
behold the power of cheese.
September 18th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
Why do I find a lot of these lists interesting? Oh that’s right, I’m open minded to new things and enjoy reading anyways.
I find the first comments about this list being terrible (uninteresting to them) just plain, for lack of a better word, retarded.
September 18th, 2009 at 6:22 pm
@arkz (137): Great cheese comes from happy cows! Happy cows come from Cali!
I love cheese, it’s my favorite food (well…it’s tied for first with potatoes…who’s gonna write a potato list for me?) The grocery store near me, (which is a fancy store with high prices, but I shop there cuz it’s down the street) has an excellent cheese selection, and they often put samples out. The first thing I do when I get to the store, no matter what I’m shopping for, is to check for cheese samples. Sometimes they have 5 or 6 different samples out…I love it!
Awesome list Cheeshy! I’m so excited for your first list to be published, and what an appropriate first list it is!
Astraya: HONK!
Buc: thanks a lot…I read your entire cheese shop posting, then promptly went and looked up the skit on youtube, watched it, and am still clicking through “related videos” going through other Python sketches… this always happens when someone brings Python into the conversation….
September 18th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
Love the list, got to go have a large chunk of sharp cheddar now… And so glad to see the MP skit posted, one of their absolute best moments.
P.S. Reading comments about how a list is boring… is boring. Please take your own advice and go write comments about unsolved mysteries.
September 18th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
Thank you for the nice Roquefort pic there JFrater
Very interesting list. Living in Canada, I’m now thinking of starting a moose cheese farm..
September 18th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
thanks for this list, i enjoyed it (but then i LOVE cheese…).
reggie’s spouse, i’m so sorry for your loss.
September 18th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
come on guys… a fuckin cheese list?
September 18th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
I feel like eating cheese now.
Nice list.
September 18th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
cheesy!!!! want to eat bread with cheese right now.
September 18th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
Regarding all the haters…
Want some cheese to go with that whine?
September 18th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Screw you, Cali folks… Everyone knows Wisconsin is where it’s at!
September 18th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
10. has a typo: It’s “Käse”, not “käse”, because in the German language nouns always start with a capital letter.
September 18th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
@34 reggie5N
i’m so sorry to hear of this, i can only imagine what your going through. i hope you can take comfort , in how he died, doing something that seemed to come natural to him, showing kindness to others, even a snake. no better way to go then , your last deed being a good one.
r.i.p.
September 18th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
I’m so not a fan of cheese.
September 18th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
AWESOME! I love cheese.
September 18th, 2009 at 10:59 pm
The quotes were funny and cheese whiz is qualified to be cheese about as much as Obama is qualified to be president.
September 18th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Not a huge fan of Cheese. But i liked your list. Very interesting.
September 19th, 2009 at 12:00 am
make a list on the most types of cheeses
now, that would make a great list
September 19th, 2009 at 12:00 am
horrible list, extremely boring, not interesting, come on!
September 19th, 2009 at 12:59 am
Cheese… bread is nothing without cheese like a beautiful woman without eyes, ears, nose, mouth, head, legs, arms, and a body.
Cheese… cheese is the leap of humanity towards immortality unless you landed on a big dump of waste then screw the cheese. Take milk instead(“drinks milk and makes mustache, says Got Milk?”)
Cheese… how can you govern a country with 246 kinds of cheese always thrown at you during rallies?
Cheese… is like you’ve dreamed of cheese and toasted in a hot oven, you do this every night then because of over use it turns on the fire and burns down your house and the whole village.
So this means cheese is nothing, irrevelant, unimportant, causes tragedy and truly means nothing…
JUST KIDDING!!! HAHA! GOT YOU BY THAT!
September 19th, 2009 at 1:35 am
You can delete every comment by Bill. But seriously, this site is really losing it’s credibility with lists like these. I’m not hating. I hate everything and everyone equally… But lately, I get more enjoyment masturbating with sandpaper than reading this refuse. My contribution? Top 10 Itchy Assholes on record… Like Neil Young said, “It’s better to burn out than to fade away”…
September 19th, 2009 at 1:55 am
Nice list
September 19th, 2009 at 3:50 am
interesting information, thanks. though the cheese at the first picture does not look tasty. lol! i hate green cheese….
September 19th, 2009 at 4:01 am
Although I hate cheese, I have to say this is a very informative list. Forget about the haters, “fascinating” has become another term for gore, sex and violence nowadays.
September 19th, 2009 at 4:06 am
@reggie5N (34):
(Reginald’s spouse) I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband Reginald. May he rest in peace and god bless both of you.
September 19th, 2009 at 6:03 am
No mention of anything Dutch? (unless you count limburger cheese made is the US as Dutch.) I’m disappointed…
And about the list, it’s not your regular one, but I like it. People should stop bashing lists. If they don’t like it, either don’t read it/comment on it or send your own lists in.
September 19th, 2009 at 6:11 am
#93 kennypo65
I have a recommendation for you! The best Greek restaurant I’ve ever been to is in the island of Kalymnos in the village of Linaria and it is called Giorgos. Amazing dishes, huge portions and the most likable owner. If you ever get to go there you won’t be disappointed…
September 19th, 2009 at 6:44 am
Mmm, cheese. :3
And I loves me some good eats too.
September 19th, 2009 at 7:04 am
‘Cheese is a kind of meat, a tasty yellow beef, I milk it from my teat but I try to be discreet ooh cheese ooh cheese’ (The Mighty Boosh)
September 19th, 2009 at 8:52 am
Cheese! I traveled to Europe over the summer, France and Italy and Germany and Austria, and really, is there anything better?
I may just have to go get myself some now.
And a very well-researched list, too, Cheesygirl. Kudos to you!
September 19th, 2009 at 9:07 am
Cheeshygirl!
Congratulationsh on your lisht! You are shuch a geniush!
And sho many commentsh! WTG!
I’ve been so busy the past few days. Today is my Listverse catch up day.
Aooga! Aooga! @astraya (21):
@bucslim (103): L-ed OL! TY!
@reggie5N (34): Oh my. Is this for real? If so, deepest condolances, and I’m off to the forums to see if there is more info.
September 19th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Oh my! I just noticed the post from reggie5N’s wife! I’m so sorry to hear of your loss!
September 19th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
pepperoni, cheese,crackers and fruit-could live on it!
September 19th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
@astraya (134) i think the book you’re thinking about is ‘good omens’. the one terry pratchett wrote with neil gaiman. bit of nerdy info from me…
September 19th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
“some cultures are defined by their relationship to cheese”
joon, ‘benny & joon’
September 19th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
To everyone who wishes condolences- I truly thank you. He was a great man, and I truly hope he meets his old dog up there, who was also bitten nearly a decade earlier.
God bless you all.
-Allison Millard
September 19th, 2009 at 7:13 pm
@SamSam (170): Yes, I remembered the title after I posted my comment.
September 19th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
@astraya (173): Yes, Good Omens, excellent book. I need to read more English humor, I enjoy it a lot (but am underexposed due to my condition… aka Being born and raised in America lol).
September 19th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
I love cheese, so this was interesting to read.
September 20th, 2009 at 7:15 pm
i LOVE cheese. mmm… this list was a bit lame, but I do adore cheese.
September 20th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
way to make me hungry, dude! I love cheese!
September 21st, 2009 at 10:25 am
“Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.” ~ G. K. Chesterton
September 21st, 2009 at 11:40 am
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm … cheese …………
September 21st, 2009 at 1:28 pm
CHEEEEEEESE!!! YUM!!!!
Very interesting list. I love cheese. It’s my favorite food and a list devoted entirely to it is awesome.
I found it funny that all the pictures for Europe and everything had “real” cheese and the #4 Top Cheese topic had Cheez Whiz! (Which I love, btw even though it’s not really cheese.)
I think I have some Brie in the fridge at home, along with some rosemary/olive oil bread. When I get there I will put the Brie out and by the time I’m finished with my Pilates workout, it should be nice and runny. Whee!
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:51 pm
if its filled with cheese how is it a void?
October 5th, 2009 at 11:05 am
I’m going to beat the grammar police to the punch, and state that the plural for moose, is indeed meese. Duno how good it is to want to spend that much money on it.
October 5th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Maybe someone ought to mention that the cheese pictured is NOT moose cheese, it’s simply regular cheese with a moose logotype on. You won’t be able to find moose cheese in the cheese counter in your local store, if you for some reason happen to be in Sweden.
October 15th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Awesome, time to get a Carménère and a gorgonzola.
Great post!
October 27th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
I love it. One of the most controversial lists is about cheese. You can’t write something like that. Scandalous swiss! Obesquious cheddar!
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:49 pm
cool list
November 4th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
love cheese i love it so much dat im doining it a science project on it