10 Brilliant Quotes
Published on September 16, 2007 - 54 Comments
Some of the funniest words are spoken on the spur of the moment. This is a collection of ten brilliant or witty quotes. If you have a favorite witty quote, be sure to put it in the comments for all to enjoy.
1. W. C. Fields
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
And another:
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
2. Oscar Wilde
I am not young enough to know everything.
And as he was probably one of the most witty men in history, we need another:
Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
3. Sir Winston Churchill
Lady Nancy Astor (to Churchill): “Sir, you’re drunk!”
Churchill: “Yes, Madam, I am. But in the morning, I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”
Churchill and Astor are famous for these repartees, so I have to include a second:
Lady Astor: “If you were my husband, I’d put arsenic in your coffee.”
Churchill: “Madam, if I were your husband, I’d drink it!”
4. Nancy Mitford
I Love children, especially when they cry for then someone takes them away.
And another:
An aristocracy in a republic is like a chicken whose head has been cut off; it may run about in a lively way, but in fact it is dead.
5. Dorothy Parker
I’ve never been a millionaire but I just know I’d be darling at it.
And:
If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised.
6. Douglas Adams
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move.
7. Alice Longworth (daughter of Theodore Roosevelt)
“If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.”
8. Orson Welles
“In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love; they had five hundred years of democracy and peace and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock.”
9. Margot Asquith
What a pity, when Christopher Colombus discovered America, that he ever mentioned it.
10. Margaret Thatcher
I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
Related ListsTop 15 Quotes of Thomas AquinasTop 15 Quotes By Famous Atheists Top 20 Quotes of Dorothy Parker Top 25 Winston Churchill Quotes |
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1. Cyn - September 16th, 2007 at 10:48 am
Forget love - I’d rather fall in chocolate! Sandra J. Dykes
best quote site online Quote Garden
2. jfrater - September 16th, 2007 at 11:03 am
Cyn - haha that is definitely brilliant!
3. seymour - September 16th, 2007 at 11:41 am
Robert Frost “I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life in three words: It goes on”
4. jfrater - September 16th, 2007 at 11:51 am
seymour: oh how true!
5. dalandzadgad - September 16th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
you listed my favorite quote by Douglas Adams =)
6. bobzimmy - September 16th, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Nobody goes to that restaurant any more. It’s too crowded.
-Yogi Berra
7. Brian Moo - September 16th, 2007 at 9:13 pm
Nice! Makes me wonder if Columbus could have been Emperor of America….
8. jfrater - September 16th, 2007 at 10:39 pm
Brian: I can’t imagine that going down too well these days
9. Andre du Plessis - September 17th, 2007 at 2:36 am
My favorite is :
“Cheese - milk’s leap toward immortality.”
Clifton Fadiman
10. jfrater - September 17th, 2007 at 2:55 am
Andre: I like that!
11. sakul - September 17th, 2007 at 7:51 am
Here’s a good one..
“the West won the world not by the superiority of its ideas or values or religion but rather by its superiority in applying organized violence. Westerners often forget this fact, non-Westerners never do.”
———-
Samuel P. Huntington
12. chadster - September 17th, 2007 at 11:07 am
hehe Churchill was a funny guy.
13. Adam W. - September 17th, 2007 at 11:43 am
My favorite quote of all time:
“A single death is a tragedy… a million deaths is a statistic.” - Joseph Stalin
14. Ian - September 17th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
I think it was WC Field but how about-
“I don’t drink water. Fish fuck in it.”
15. Fe - September 17th, 2007 at 6:40 pm
Imagine you are a member of Congress. Now imagine you are an idiot…but I repeat myself.
Mark Twain.
16. Cyn - September 17th, 2007 at 6:44 pm
Fe…spot on! always loved that quote. so true even today.
17. Bonnie_ - September 17th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
“Women will forgive anything. Otherwise, the race would have died out long ago.” — Robert A. Heinlein
18. jfrater - September 17th, 2007 at 10:51 pm
Fe: hilarious!
Bonnie_: ah Heinlein - the master!
19. Late O’Day - September 18th, 2007 at 12:10 am
“Never try and teach a pig to sing: it’s a waste of time, and it annoys the pig.” –Lazarus Long, “Time Enough for Love”, (Robert A. Heinlein)
“No! You’re NOT entitled to your own opinion. You’re entitled to your own INFORMED opinion.” –Harlan Ellison
“Life is just one damned thing after another.” –Elbert Hubbard
“Very funny, Mr. Scott. Now beam down my clothes.” –Jame T. Kirk
Okay, okay … that third was wasn’t really a quote. But it should have been.
20. Jamey - September 18th, 2007 at 9:03 pm
The Welles quote wasn’t actually him saying that, it was his character from the movie The Third Man, in the ferris wheel scene.
Great list though.
21. tom - September 19th, 2007 at 6:30 am
“Call on God, but row away from the rocks.”
— Hunter S. Thompson
22. jfrater - September 19th, 2007 at 8:23 am
tom: excellent quote
23. GKlug - September 21st, 2007 at 9:10 am
Oscar Wilde: There is only one thing worse that being talked about, that’s not being talked about.
24. jfrater - September 21st, 2007 at 9:23 am
GKlug: I could do a whole list of just Wilde quotes - he was utterly brilliant.
25. Bacon - October 7th, 2007 at 2:53 pm
You should make an Oscar Wilde list, given he was one of the funniest men who ever lived.
26. jfrater - October 8th, 2007 at 1:44 am
Bacon - definitely - he was incredibly witty.
27. dimitar - October 18th, 2007 at 2:11 am
“To be, or not to be… or something else!”
Svetislav Basara
28. Socio - October 23rd, 2007 at 9:07 pm
You’d have to consider yourself lucky if you make it out of life alive. Axel Rose.
29. Clues - November 15th, 2007 at 9:29 am
“It’s easier to seek forgiveness than ask for permission.” - Proverb
30. bootlicker - November 23rd, 2007 at 1:10 pm
“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”
–Tom Waits
31. Lanier - November 23rd, 2007 at 4:31 pm
My fav quotes, wilde and austen were brilliant!
“A fashion is merely a form of uglines so unbearable that we are compelled to alter it every six months.”
~ Oscar Wilde
“For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors, and laugh at them in our turn?”
~Jane Austen
32. Shelle - November 25th, 2007 at 6:44 am
It may have already been said, but Stephen Fry one repeated a famous quote by Oscar Wilde when asked if he had anything to declare when he was stopped at an airport. He said ‘I have nothing to declare but my own genius!’
33. Reg123456 - November 30th, 2007 at 7:38 am
My grandfather told me the story of a witty friend of his who was speaking in parliament in South Africa. He got fed up with the crowd and announced “Half of you are donkeys!!” to which the chairperson hastily insisted “Retract your statement sir! RETRACT!”, to which he replied, “Half of you are NOT donkeys.”
34. Reg123456 - December 4th, 2007 at 7:47 am
“In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria” - Ben Franklin
35. magnidude - December 9th, 2007 at 11:01 am
“There are always Eskimos ready to work out the guidelines for Congo inhabitants on how to act in case of the extreme heatwave” - Stanislaw Jerzy Lec.
If you don’t find it witty enough that’s probably due to my poor translation (there are many other quotes of Lec easily available in English but, sadly, not this particular one).
36. eric n. - December 18th, 2007 at 11:57 pm
“what’s mine is mine whats yours is negotiable”
JFK
37. andrijzip - December 22nd, 2007 at 7:46 am
“The first draft of everything is bullshit.”
Ernest Hemingway.
38. sue - January 10th, 2008 at 7:07 am
nice.esp churchill!!
39. alexlwe - January 15th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
“I heard that your brain stops growing when you start doing drugs. Let’s see, I guess that makes me 19.”
– Steven Tyler
…yeah that should definitely be on here.
40. Katherine - January 17th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
I just love and hate Margaret Thatcher. we have this love and hate relationship. I love the woman, her guts and everything but on the other had, I hate the fact that I love her.
41. Polly Odyssey - January 31st, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt…
-Mark Twain
42. Kelsi - January 31st, 2008 at 6:27 pm
Polly: I somehow doubt that Mark Twain ever used the word “ain’t” although I suppose it’s possible.
43. Ember - January 31st, 2008 at 6:37 pm
My favourite Oscar quote:
“True friends stab you in the front”
And for fun…
I don’t make predictions and I never will (Paul Gascoigne)
44. Tyree - January 31st, 2008 at 10:15 pm
William Faulkner–“I’m bad and I’m going to hell, and I don’t care. I’d rather be in hell than anywhere where you are.”
45. stugy - February 5th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
“I’d like to learn a new language: Scottish. It’s a mixture of English and alcohol. You drink a pint and end each sentence with ‘you bastard’.” - Sean Meo
46. overthemoon - February 10th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
“If we knew what we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?” -Albert Einstein
and
“For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.”
- Bob Wells
47. hakuna matata - February 10th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
this may be from a play, but i think it deserves recognition
A transvestite to a person harassing them: “I’m more of a man then you’ll ever be, and more of a woman then you’ll ever get.”
-Jonathan Larson
48. lisa - February 25th, 2008 at 10:57 am
“it takes no time to fall in love, but it takes you years to know what love is”
-jason mraz
49. Joey - February 26th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
“The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive. “
50. Matthew - March 2nd, 2008 at 9:32 pm
I got a few I have in mind…
“The secret of being a boring is to say everything.” -Voltaire
“When the candles are out all women are fair.” -Plutarch
“My wife and I was happy happy for twenty years… and then we met!” -Rodney Dangerfield
“If I’m two faced, why I chose this one?” -Abraham Lincoln
“In court of dating, women are the judge and jury and we don’t even have an lawyer.” -Matthew
51. nandinho fontelo - April 2nd, 2008 at 4:40 pm
ok, lets start:
“Small is the number of people who see with their eyes and think with their minds.”
Albert Einstein
“To be conscious that you are ignorant is a great step to knowledge”
Benjamin Disraeli
“I’D prefer to die standing, than to live on my knees”
Che Guevara
“Ut olim vitiis, sic nunc legibus laboramus.”
(As we once suffered from our vices, we now suffer form our laws)
Tacitus
“It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows”
Epictetus
52. aphiblazer - April 21st, 2008 at 9:46 am
One of my favorites…
“Reality is an illusion, albeit a persistent one.”
~Albert Einstein
53. troy - April 29th, 2008 at 9:59 am
My favorite, from theoretical physicist Wolfgang Pauli, who was reviewing a student’s work: “This isn’t right. It’s not even wrong.”
54. Yun - June 12th, 2008 at 10:08 am
“Liberalism is when A gets together with B to discuss how much C should give to D.” -William F. Buckley
“Shall the fear of being misunderstood prevent our doing what is right and good?” -Moliere
“No people in history have ever survived, who thought they could protect their freedom by making themselves inoffensive to their enemies.” -Dean Acheson
“Socialism … confounds Government and society. And so, every time we object to a thing being done by Government, it concludes that we object to its being done at all.” -Frederic Bastiat