Top 10 St Valentine’s gifts for the one you… well, don’t love

[WARNING: This list contains language and images that may offend] We all know the standard gifts people give for Saint Valentine’s Day – but what if you are in a relationship with someone you don’t like? What if you want to break up? Or what if you just want to have a bit of fun with a joke gift? Here is your answer – these are St. Valentine’s day gifts for the person you don’t love.

10. Liar Breath Spray

Got a cheating partner? What better way to let them know that you know, than with Liar breath spray?

Buy this gift at Amazon

9. Shut Up, Stop Whining, and Get a Life

An excellent book for the partner of a constant whiner. No one likes a nag – why not tell the nag in your life to shove off with this book?

Buy this gift at Amazon

8. Severe Acne Treatment System

Are you having trouble telling the significant other that you want to break up? Buy them this gift for St. Valentine’s day and they will save you the effort!

Buy this gift at Amazon

7. Orlistat Starter Pack

Like the book above, this one is a sure way to get someone to break up with you. This is particularly effective on partners that constantly ask “Do I look fat in this?”

Buy this gift at Amazon

6. I Hate You

A brilliant way to tell your significant other that you hate them. According to IMDB, I Hate You is an off the wall Black Comedy about a comic who moonlights as a serial killer, spinning a provocative message about the reality of violence.

Buy this gift at Amazon

5. Sex For Beginners

There is nothing subtle about this title! Give this book to your poorly-performing other half – it will either cause a break up, or they will get a clue and your relationship will improve! You can’t lose!

Buy this gift at Amazon

4. Viagra Equivalent

“The ultimate Viagra alternative. Vialafil can help improve blood flow to the genital area and gives erections that are harder, bigger, last longer and can be more frequent.” No guy is going to like getting this from his other half. Ouch.

Buy this gift at Amazon

3. Sex Enhancing Tool

Yep – it is a paper bag. There is really no better way to tell someone that you find them unattractive than to buy them a set of 500 paper bags for them to wear during the act. A great unisex gift idea.

Buy this gift at Amazon

2. Jesus Loves you…

Has your boyfriend or girlfriend become a fundamentalist Christian and won’t shut the hell up about it? Here is the perfect gift for them. A bumper sticker that says “Jesus loves you… Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole”.

Buy this gift at Amazon

1. Game Over

The great thing about this shirt is that it has two meanings – it could mean the marriage is over or that the marriage means the end of joy in your life. Either way, this is a great gift for a spouse you despise!

Buy this gift at Amazon

Afterword

We can’t leave all of those of you with great relationships out – so if you actually do love your partner and want to buy them a great gift to tell them how much you love them, why not buy them something from the List Universe store?!