10 Hilarious Characters Who Never Shut Up

Writers tow a fine line with chatty characters. If handled poorly, these figures can be recipes for disaster. Their incessant talking can easily grate on audiences’ nerves. The effect is akin to being annoyed by a hyperactive kid. Because of that risk, it’s safe to veer away from such characters. However, they’re not impossible to pull off.

Certain characters are funny precisely due to talking. As with most successes, it all comes down to how they’re presented in the writing, directing, and acting. These guys may resonate with audiences by rattling off genuinely funny comments. Alternatively, their yammering could create an amusing foil with their more serious peers. Either way, these characters defy expectations. Ironically, being deliberately annoying means audiences never get tired of them.

Related: Top 10 Comic Book Characters the Movies Got Wrong

10 Deadpool

They don’t call him the “Merc with the Mouth” for nothing. Deadpool debuts as a Special Forces operative named Wade Wilson. Contracting cancer, he becomes a candidate for Weapon X, the same program as fellow Marvel anti-hero Wolverine. The ensuing experiments give Wilson accelerated healing, but they also leave him horribly disfigured and drive him crazy. He then uses these gifts as a thug for hire, pestering the entire Marvel Universe as Deadpool.

This wily whack job is a parody of superheroes. He always has an off-color quip ready, even for the most horrific acts of violence. Tastelessness is the name of the game. Truly, there’s no better way to take the wind out of the heroes’ sanctimonious sails.

Some of these jabs break the fourth wall. Deadpool is one of the few costumed characters who knows he’s fictional. Playing on that angle arouses equal parts confusion and frustration from his fellow Marvel icons, but that’s fine with Wade. He knows the audience loves him.^[1]

9 Donkey

The Shrek films establish a world of fairy tales. Within that world, a talking donkey doesn’t seem like anything special. Sure enough, Donkey begins as a prisoner. He and the other magical denizens are victims of forced relocation by Lord Farquaad. As the hooved headache escapes, he inadvertently runs into Shrek, who scares off his pursuers. Little does he know of the reluctant friendship that awaits.

Donkey is so grateful that he follows Shrek around for the rest of the series. Instantly seeing him as a kindred spirit, he goes on and on about what they could do together. Virtually any mundane topic is fair game for rapid-fire babbling. That’s the whole reason his previous owner tried to sell him. Now, he’s Shrek’s problem, which leads to many a hilarious outburst. On the upside, Donkey is the first one to not treat him like a monster. That must count for something ^[2]

8 Hades

Disney’s Hercules takes a load of liberties with its Greek mythology roots. Among the biggest changes is Hades. The god of the Underworld still rules over the dead, but he’s far from content in that position. In fact, he hatches a plan to release the Titans, leading them in a hostile takeover of Mount Olympus. You would expect such a villain to be big and imposing, but no.

Hades is essentially a sleazy salesman. He lives to make deals, and he makes them at a mile a minute. His high-speed speech is so packed with detail that it’s hard to absorb it all. That’s how he can squeeze in little loopholes to exploit. Of course, it’s also how he tosses in the odd insult or witty comeback. His mind works as quickly as his mouth, which is how he can hit you with jokes at the most unexpected points. Even if Hades rips into you, you can’t help but laugh.^[3]

7 Jaskier

Muses take many forms. In the case of Jaskier (or Dandelion), the muse is a mutated monster slayer. Throughout the Witcher franchise, the bard follows Geralt of Rivia on many adventures. Although he often uses the witcher’s deeds as the inspiration for his hit songs, he still values him as a man. The two of them would happily risk life and limb for each other, so the relationship isn’t entirely exploitative. Of course, that doesn’t mean Jaskier doesn’t enjoy his success.

On the contrary, the flamboyant fellow is high on his own genius. Jaskier constantly props himself up to anyone who’ll listen. He’s always glad to recount his journeys with the witcher, often painting Geralt as a glorified sidekick. At the same time, he routinely practices his current verses, asks his friend for a verdict, and then lambasts his supposed lack of culture. This behavior makes it all the more hilarious when genuine dangers take the words out of his mouth. At least these blunders give him yet more fuel for his songs.^[4]

6 Colm McCool

Everyone in Derry Girls is a bit off, but among the oddest folks is one of the girls’ relatives. Colm McCool is the granduncle of Erin and Orla. He may not look like much, but he’s seen his fair share of action in life. Given the religious troubles in Northern Ireland at the time, it’s a wonder he’s still alive. As such, he occasionally comes over for family gatherings. Despite his experience, though, his relatives are never happy to see him.

Colm is boring to an unbelievable extent. He’s happy to tell his life story, which should be an exciting tale. However, he has an uncanny ability to sap that excitement. Colm’s manner of speaking is dull and matter-of-fact, and he tends to focus on the pointless details. As a result, his yarns are all long-winded tests in tedium. Even the most patient people are miserable listening to him. Audiences, on the other hand, can laugh at both their misfortune and his obliviousness.^[5]

5 Billy

Stupidity and chattiness are a deadly combination. Billy is one half of the titular duo in The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy. After a high-stakes limbo game makes the Grim Reaper their slave, the children go on all sorts of wacky Underworld adventures. Of course, it’s usually Mandy who pulls them out of it. Whereas she’s dour and devious, Billy is dim, happy, and hyper.

That disastrous mix makes him a nuisance. He constantly bombards people with stupid questions, pointless observations, and bizarre nonsequiturs. No matter how angry the audience is, Billy just keeps yapping. This behavior is enough to send the scariest creatures heading for the hills. Monsters who would normally haunt your nightmares are no match for the asinine annoyance of this little idiot. Such a subversion is equal parts ludicrous and hilarious.^[6]

4 Gunnery Sergeant Hartman

The role of a drill sergeant is to whip troops into shape while preparing them for the carnage of battle. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman accomplishes that, and then some. Full Metal Jacket devotes its first half to the grueling training regimen that recruits must pass before entering Vietnam.

Hartman oversees that training. As such, he gets most of the dialogue. Virtually every scene consists of him yelling at the recruits with his own brand of dark humor. Whether he’s berating them or spurring them on, he has absolutely no inhibitions about what he says. He could whip out the most tasteless, disgusting insults at a moment’s notice. Yet the would-be soldiers must desperately hold their composure. Viewers are free to laugh, though.^[7]

3 Daxter

Sometimes, the most noise comes from the smallest sources. Daxter of Jak & Daxter fame begins the series as a normal-sized person. Unfortunately, he falls into a malevolent substance known as Dark Eco, turning him into an orange rodent. He then spends most of the games on Jak’s shoulder. He’s mainly along for the ride, but that doesn’t stop him from embellishing his accomplishments.

Daxter is a little loudmouth. He loves talking about himself as the hero, frequently bragging about his and Jak’s adventures while amplifying the danger (as well as his role in the action). Even when Jak is talking business, Daxter can’t help but chime in with a snarky remark. He always has to be the center of attention—behavior that frequently gets him smacked, threatened, or rejected. These cartoonish asides provide welcome levity in a serious series.^[8]

2 The Gilmore Girls

To say that Lorelai and Rory Gilmore have a rapport is an understatement. Throughout The Gilmore Girls, this mother-daughter duo tries to eke out a living in scenic Stars Hollow. However, Lorelai got pregnant and left home at sixteen, so her relationship with Rory is akin to a best friend. This dynamic makes them an inseparable team, even in regular conversation.

The Gilmores’ most notable quality is their sheer verbal speed. Conversations that would normally last five minutes are over in 30 seconds. Not to mention, the girls are on such a similar wavelength that they can finish each other’s thoughts without batting an eye. The other townsfolk can barely get a word in. Seeing the common man overwhelmed by this talkative team-up is uncanny, but it’s largely what gives the show its charm. Moreover, you wish you could get your thoughts out half as quickly.^[9]

1 Leo Getz

Riggs and Murtaugh are already a chatty pair in the Lethal Weapon flicks, but even they get more than they bargained for with Leo Getz. Debuting in Lethal Weapon 2, this reformed money launderer enters witness protection, where the heroic duo must guard him. Rather than parting ways after the case, though, Leo sticks to his protectors like glue, much to their chagrin.

Getz never renounces his conman ways. He’s constantly trying to schmooze his way into a deal, peppering his sweet talk with useless facts and bad jokes. He wants you to think he knows more than he really does, which also leads to a heap of whining. Leo remembers every minor complaint conceivable, and he energetically voices those complaints in long-winded rants. Of course, his squeaky voice and minuscule size prevent anyone from taking him seriously, especially when his gripes earn a swift kick from his newfound friends. As sad as it sounds, Leo’s loss is the fans’ gain.^[10]