Subscribe to ListverseTop 10 Prison Survival Tips
- Published August 15, 2007 - 139 Comments
Prison is something we all want to avoid, but the time may come when you have to spend some time there (whether or not you are guilty). This is a list of the top 10 things to remember if you find yourself in the big house. If you follow these rules, you should manage to make your stay tolerable. If you found this article through a search engine, I sincerely hope you are reading it out of curiosity and not necessity!
1. Do not get involved with punks
I am not talking about guys with spiked hair – I am talking about guys who become other guys’ “girlfriends” – usually for protection. While the short term benefits may be appealing (protection from other prisoners), you can become a virtual slave, to be gambled or sold to other inmates and you will definitely be used and abused.
This also includes being taken under someone’s wing – it will almost certainly lead to you being a victim of rape. People who offer this kind of help are either looking for a punk, or are looking for someone to pimp out. You should not associate with anyone involved with punks either. Jealousy in prison can lead to murder.
2. Do not discuss your crime
This rule applies especially in cases of sexual crimes. Prisoners doing time for these types of crimes are the biggest target for rape and brutality. In fact, it is virtually guaranteed if the crime involves children. If you are convicted of a child related crime, you should probably request protective custody from the outset – this will keep you out of the main body of the prison and will probably save your life.
3. Do not get involved in gambling
This is a sure way to end up dead. This is a no win situation; you either cannot afford to pay your gambling bills, or you win and make the wrong people very angry. Avoid gambling like the plague in prison. Prisoners will do anything to get what you owe them. Having said that, it is wise to learn a few card games before you enter so you can pass the time playing friendly games.
4. Do not collaborate with the guards against other prisoners
You should never tell on your fellow prisoners – if it is found out you can enter a whole new world of pain. Having said that, don’t be disrespectful to the guards – they can help to make your time go easier.
5. Do not become indebted to anyone
When you first arrive, other prisoners will offer to lend you things until you get on your feet – cigarettes for example. They will offer you a pack in exchange for two later. Absolutely do not accept this offer, it is a very common trick to get you indebted to someone. If you smoke – quit. You should wait until you have earnt your own money before buying things. Basically, the rule is: NEVER take anything from anyone in prison. This is going to get you killed or seriously hurt.
6. Don’t stare at another prisoner
Always walk with your head facing forwards. All it can take is a stare that lasts one second too long for you to become the target of violence. A guy might appear to be friendly or placid one minute, but the next he can be your worst enemy.
7. Do not use drugs
Drug use is a guaranteed road to trouble. You will become severely indebted if you become addicted and you run the risk of being caught by the guards. Drugs are readily accessible and while they may make your time seem less painful, they will almost certainly lead you into big trouble.
8. Work out
Working out not only helps to pass the time, it also helps to to bulk you up – making you less of a target. You should not appear weak – this means walking with your head up – do not look at your feet while you walk. Avoid the temptation to get a tattoo – they often lead to diseases like hepatitis. You will also regret it once you are out.
9. Keep your mouth shut
Do not tell other prisoners about your private life. Do not discuss your crimes and do not discuss politics or religion. Any type of discussion that can lead to an argument is a big no no. Don’t put your business out onto the street. At the same time, respect other prisoner’s privacy and don’t pry into their private lives.
10. Be respectful and polite
Always be polite and respectful to other prisoners. Respect is the only thing a prisoner has and taking that away can be disastrous. Remember, if you give others your respect, they will most likely return the favour. You do not want to make enemies in prison.
Finally, remember, being in prison is like being at war – so it is better not to commit a crime in the first place.
August 15th, 2007 at 8:27 pm
10. dont drop the soap in the shower..
August 15th, 2007 at 8:58 pm
You should work out, lend a pack of cigarettes to, fight, rape, and murder this guy.
August 15th, 2007 at 9:08 pm
Slug: I forgot to add that – a perfect addition.
S.O.B: Cruel but hilarious
August 15th, 2007 at 11:01 pm
strangly applies, for better or for worse and in the doing them right or wrong, in one way or another—to many of the famous actors and just plain famous that are on the tabloid hit lists these days…think about it., other than that, I suggest a top ten ways of breaking out of an island prison (i.e. Alcatraz), because you already have the shipwrecked list and now this one. then i suppose the next would be how to survive on a deserted island or how to survive as an unknown within a large populace, ect.
August 16th, 2007 at 2:27 am
Apparently the person making the list should go to jail a few times before he makes a list about prison rules. Looks like a list you would come up with after watching a tv show. Try actually going to jail then make a list.
August 16th, 2007 at 2:57 am
Rock solid advice – for the inside and the outside!
August 16th, 2007 at 3:33 am
gregf, as someone who’s been to a few jails and known hundreds of people who have done prison time, I’d say this is a pretty good list for everyone to memorize. Especially if you one day end up in some scary county jail in Los Angeles for 4 days while waiting for your arraignment, and you committed some pussy crime like DUI or public intoxication and weren’t prepared for time in jail.
#1 and #4 are the biggest no-no’s.
As far as gambling, it’s not that big a deal if you actually have the money to gamble. While it’s certainly not risk-free, neither is gambling in Las Vegas and I wouldn’t recommend anyone skip out on a Vegas vacation just because they might lose more money than they can afford.
August 16th, 2007 at 7:18 am
Christian: at least one of your suggestions is on my list
Bill: Thanks!
Dennis: Thanks for your insight – it is nice to hear from someone who has been there and done that. I am glad you are out now
August 16th, 2007 at 12:47 pm
Interesting list, and it seems like good info, but I would like to know what is the author’s sources and/or experience in the matter?
Have you been to prison, talked to prisoners, or just watched a bunch of prison movies?
August 16th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
John: The sources are from friends and research. I have not been to prison
August 17th, 2007 at 6:08 pm
Why is the “Top 10 rules for fine dining” a “related article”….. lol. Well, i’m glad there’s finally a list that doesn’t include the “Beat up a guy the first day you get there” crap, since that will most likely make you a target for some PO’d friends. Anyway, this and the “perfect crime” article was pretty entertaining, if not useful for anytime *later* in life.
August 17th, 2007 at 7:07 pm
i’ve spent time in jail myselfa(1 yr), and this is the perfect list. i was expecting to be a crock or a joke but it all is perfect advice. not saying if you listen to this advice you would come out w/o a scatch, but it would sure give u a better chance.
August 17th, 2007 at 7:39 pm
Heretic: Maybe the code knows that ex-prisoners would benefit from table manners?
Remember, if you need to commit a crime in the future – don’t tell us!!!
cliff: thanks for the comment – I really appreciate it. I hope that you have managed to get on with life after the event and are happy in your current situation.
August 17th, 2007 at 8:17 pm
I’ve been a Corrections Officer for 11 years–this list is dead on. The people who say this list is wrong are idiots.
August 17th, 2007 at 8:54 pm
Jake – thanks for that comment – it is much appreciated.
August 20th, 2007 at 9:09 pm
I expected some dumbass list, gleaned no doubt from “OZ” reruns..I am happy to see that this is all good advice.Hopefully you won’t need it:)
August 21st, 2007 at 8:05 am
tonyg: thanks
I agree about not needing it!
September 25th, 2007 at 1:10 am
6 and 8 completely contradict each other – walk with your head facing downwards/walk with your head up… Otherwise pretty interesting.
September 25th, 2007 at 1:49 am
jay: in 6 it is meant figuratively – keeping your head down means to not take interest in things around you.
September 25th, 2007 at 1:57 am
Doesn’t sound too figurative.. “keep your head down” would be better, no?
September 25th, 2007 at 2:01 am
jay: we are both victims of not reading what was written
It says walk with your head facing forwards, not down.
September 25th, 2007 at 2:04 am
Ah, apologies. The mind sees only what it wants to..
October 23rd, 2007 at 9:16 pm
Males who don’t drain the prostate on a fairly regular basis tend to develop swollen prostate glands, called “BPH” in medical jargon, especially as we age…this affects the ability to urinate normally and can be painful. Is there a higher than normal incidence of BPH among incarcerated men than there is among men in general?
October 24th, 2007 at 1:46 am
jomama: in the normal lifecycle of a male, sperm is released in to the bladder if needed, so draining the prostate is not necessary as a preventative action. Additionally, in the US, more than half the men between 60 and 70 have BPH and up to 90% between 70 and 90. With that in mind, I think you could safely say that the incidence of BPH in prison will depend entirely on the age range of the prisoners.
November 4th, 2007 at 8:24 pm
ha this list is BS. i just visited my brother today and just got home. Numer 1 its not an option to discuss what u have done. in my brothers barracks he is the one to check all ur lists and info on what u did. If u are a child molestor or anything to do with hurting little kids his first reaction is to drop ur papers and start sockin up ur face and others will jump in because they know that it has something to do with little kids. THIS IS HIS JOB TO PUT IN WORK TO GET FREE TATTOOS. also if ur 18 like my brother most of the guys give u respect because he has never seen anyone younger than him EVER. only 1 other 18 year old who is 17 days older than him.
November 4th, 2007 at 8:27 pm
and for DROPPING THE SOAP. that is complete BS unless ur a rapist or molestor of children or u a punk. at visiting i saw a guy with long wavy hair and breast implants and his face was all cracked out. funniest thing i have ever seen and my brother walked up to him and punked that little b1tch and told him to never look at him again.
November 22nd, 2007 at 1:30 pm
maybe you should lay off the hashish dude
December 7th, 2007 at 5:09 am
hmm – I hate to say it – but I get the feeling that maybe Jake pothead will need this list in a year or two…..
December 10th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
this was obviously written by someone who has never been in jail or prison. it should be called the pussy’s guide to surviving prison lol
December 10th, 2007 at 7:08 pm
Yeah, I’ve heard that rape doesn’t actually happen all that often.
December 10th, 2007 at 10:12 pm
Jake123 and Cliff are right. I too was a Corrections Officer for 19 years and Dan, those rapes happen often enough. Bill, is it being such a pussy to do what’s necessary to leave prison alive and sane as possible? I don’t think you’ve ever experienced prison. If you did, you were probably one of the trouble makers this list was designed to help first timers avoid.
Pothead, if you go to jail, I suggest you do everything discouraged on the list. See how that works.
December 10th, 2007 at 11:02 pm
In ref to Jake Pothead. I really wish that they would make the internet ilegal for anyone under the age of 20. Every website that offer comments gets the same bull. It would be nice to read inteligent information without having to read childish crap like the posts from this punk.
December 10th, 2007 at 11:27 pm
Hazy Day: thankfully most comments on the site are not like that
December 11th, 2007 at 2:30 am
I was a corrections officer for 30 years, and I can tell you half this list is bull. You are either someone’s bitch or nobodies. You will get into fights at some point, and you will be left alone only if you win.
The other three people who say they are correctional officers are just losers who sit in their basement longing for an identity. They would get raped in prison.
December 11th, 2007 at 2:58 am
Matt: you would convince people of your argument more if you didn’t call them names
You will find that most of the best comments on here (even when they don’t like the list) are quite constructive. Welcome to the site btw 
December 11th, 2007 at 3:25 am
jamie, you’re a great ambassador of grace. That is why this is such an incredible site.
December 11th, 2007 at 4:28 am
Going to Jail is Gay. You either fucking guys, getting fucked by guys or living with guys that fuck each other.
December 19th, 2007 at 2:47 am
Here’s a sarcastic prison survival guide I found to be particularly interesting:
http://www.voont.com/prison
for example, one of this tips:
DO take advantage of free credit the other inmates may offer you on your first day. It’s a heck of a deal to be able to get free cigarettes (or ciggy wiggys as they are sometimes called) and food on the first day without cash. Usually the inmates who loan you will accept money later or else find other ways that you can provide a service to repay them. Surprisingly this deal is usually offered only to new inmates, so take advantage of all the offers you can; it’s a buyers market!
January 3rd, 2008 at 8:01 pm
All good comments. You can tell the piss-ants from the ones who really read the material. Wheither or not the tips really work will be subject for debait until someone posts a message after living this list. All information is valuable. Thanks.
January 8th, 2008 at 9:52 am
the best advice I saw in the whole posting was:
dont commit a crime – which makes surviving jail a non-issue.
January 8th, 2008 at 9:55 am
sure, because no one is ever wrongfully imprisoned :-\
January 8th, 2008 at 11:47 am
As terrible as it is to be in prison (never been, but my brothers have), I must say that I’m not sorry at all that the man who molested and raped my wife is there and has likely received numerous beatings for his crimes.
January 9th, 2008 at 10:04 am
I’ve been locked up twice in my life [my $lawyer$ loves me], and my inmates were good people. Learn to make tattoos and that’s all. P.S.Don’t speak to the police if they don’t ask you some.
January 9th, 2008 at 10:14 am
@Nothanks one of my inmates was a killer, and everyone respected him. He sad no sex in his cell, and no J. off’s, so it was. You got illusions, made by Hollywood. But the Cops are all gay.
January 13th, 2008 at 3:45 am
or u could turn islam. joe smoe could become muhammed ali bin laden or some shit.
January 22nd, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Personally, I think that all prisoners who commited sex crimes against children whould brag about it.
January 23rd, 2008 at 6:07 am
Viking: I know that sex crimes are far more common than people realize and that being said if I was in prison and another inmate bragged about molesting a child I would beat him to within an inch of his life every chance I got.
January 23rd, 2008 at 10:07 pm
Good list with good information. Bad comments by sub-human species
January 24th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
i have spent six years in prison in the northwest, for the most part this is an article that does have some substance to it. i, personally, have a few arguements with it. #1-not associating with punks is a good tip, not associating with people involved with punks? come on. #2- dont discuss your time, not your crime, your crime will sometimes stop you from becoming a punk. #3 gamble away! every card game and domino game involves it. from squares (cigs) to ramen noodles. just dont bet what you dont have. #4- pretty accurate, never tell. #5- again good advice. #6- agreed, dont stare. #7- dont use drugs, is this from the just say no campaign? if someones gonna use then thats that. Dont use drugs doesnt belong on the list. #8- two parter here: yes work out, tattoos? youd better have them they are a prisoners resume. not tats is your first step towards becoming a punk. unless you are a victim of circumstances you already have them before catching your first ride though so not a biggie. #9- depending on how this is taken it can either be correct or incorrect. dont run your mouth, but dont be a mute. if you dont want to talk about personal stuff by all means do not, and not prying is very good advice. #10- be very respectful and demand your respect, polite? thats goin a little far, the respect has all the politeness in it you need. all in all a decent list.
January 28th, 2008 at 4:03 am
i live in australia, i might be goin to jail for threatening to kil someone when i rang them, they recorded my cell phone call…i have one problem…i have an extremely fat ass due to steroid use, i dont use anymore, i shrank but my ass stayed the same, totally embarassing, i think this will make me a target…what do you think…i do have tatoos from when i was in the army before i got kicked out, so i dont look totally gay..will i survive? how do i conceal my ass?…what do i say when the jeers start? unfortunately true story……
January 28th, 2008 at 5:04 am
very_dumb_sod: I think you will be fine – just remember the tips here and all will be well. Good luck!
January 28th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
i will hope for the best….or i could gas myself with charcoal before i go to court ..i hear it is the most pleasant and easy way to die..of course you have to wait until the smoke clears ..then put in a big bowl and sit in your car and die..you could go for a drive somewhere first…p.s. dont use roids..what a waste of time
February 9th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
#11 Remember to always tattoo the escape plan and architectural details of the prison all over your’re body.
February 9th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
woops. all over YOUR, typo.
February 11th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
Going to prison in Broward County fort Lauderdale Florida is not that bad. The guys get along. Some of the Prisoners are nice not all are bad. It is OK to take one or two cigerattes as a token of friendship. The fact is you are going to need friends in prison. You must insure you pick the right friends.
It is best to play weak in the beginning. This will insure the guard putting you with weaker inmates. If you show the guard you are tuff then they will be forced to put you with the tuff inmates. It is easier to be top dog with weaker inmates than the hardcore ones.
If you do borrow in prison just make sure you can pay it back. Prisoners respect people that can pay back.
February 11th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
It is easy to prevent from getting raped..
Never smell pretty in prison.. Which basically means you do not wipe your butt when you take a crap? If you manage to keep a slight odor the sexual predators will look for someone who smells fresh and clean.
You must make friend in prison. Make sure you pick good ones because they are the one who will be the look out when you shower and go to the bathroom.
Make sure to be friends with the cooks because they will ensure you always have clean food.
And if you happen to be weak you must face reality. It may make sense to find someone to be friends with and the others will know its hands off. Why take the chance on getting brutally gang raped by prisoners when you can just please one from time to time.
February 11th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
What kind of activities are there in prison? Arts and craft, knitting etc…
February 14th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
A guy who went to prison stated the following
You know that when the gavel falls and they send you up the river, you’ll be a “new fish” dumped into a pool of bloodthirsty piranhas. The first time you walk down the tier to your cell, praying for God to give your trembling knees the energy to keep pushing forward, you’ll hear the hoots and whistles and see the grimy hands reaching out to grab your ass, leering toothless mastodons making kissy-face at you, the nauseatingly horrifying amorous advances of drooling tattooed sociopaths ready to split your rectum open like they’re deboning a chicken. Your anus will pucker in terrified self-defense.
Your cellmate will be a seven-foot-tall tobacco farmer/smalltime burglar named “Bubba,” a gentle soul except when it comes to matters of the flesh. He will murder your manhood. The things he’ll force you to do are degrading, humiliating, and you’ll probably never come close to recovering psychologically from them, but you can at least comfort yourself knowing that it’ll never hurt as much as it did the first time. It’ll still hurt, don’t get me wrong—it’ll hurt BAD—just not as much as the first time. And probably not nearly as bad as during the first few weeks when the virgin wounds are still fresh. But you’ll get over it, and you’ll learn to fold Daddy Bubba’s sheets and do his laundry and sweep the floor and clean the toilet just the way he likes it, and if he isn’t in too bad a mood, he might wait a few more days before he sells your ass for a cigarette to the Samoan twins down the block.
Every day will bring another punch to your jaw from another psychotic lifer, and you’ll get used to picking up your teeth from the shower-room floor like so many bloody Chiclets. To make the predators leave you alone, you’ll probably have to sharpen a pork-chop bone and stab someone under the armpit with it, and while the air’s hissing out of his lung and he falls to the ground gasping for mercy, you’ll shout, “OK? Anybody ELSE want some? No? NO? Didn’t THINK so.”
You’ll have to pull a stunt like that within the first few hours, or else they’ll think you’re a punk and bum-rush you, hanging a sheet in front of your cell bars and pulling a “train” on your swollen, infected ass, shooting AIDS-laden cum into every hole in your body, taking their dicks out of your mouth long enough to punch you again, calling you their bitch and smearing food coloring from Peanut M&Ms on your lips and eyelids and saying it’s “makeup.”
February 17th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
very_dumb_sod:
Just tie a nice cardigan sweater around your waste. No one will be none the wiser of your derriere situation. Good luck!
March 11th, 2008 at 4:37 am
This is the best list to discourage people from committing crimes (or at least getting caught).
Any which ways Jamie wins hands down!! Great List and even greater comments (some of them at least)
March 19th, 2008 at 5:44 am
hey i must say that out of all ur key factors in ur 1 to 10 guide there about spot on alot of my mates did time b4 i was lookin at time,and aged between 20 and 40 they all said the same. On the other hand kimba that is some of the funniest shit i eva heard i literally laughed so hard i cried that was ace!
March 23rd, 2008 at 5:26 am
@jfrater:
This is a really awesome website and I enjoyed to read this list especially. Because english isn´t my mothers tongue it took me a lot of time but couldn´t stop until I red every comment anyway. In fact that about 1% of the US citizens are jailed your tips may be a needful service, too.
@58 Kimba:
You should have red the 2nd comment before posting this….
@50 very_dumb_sod:
The best way to conceal your ass is sleeping with your backside to the wall…
April 1st, 2008 at 4:55 pm
this list will keep the average person alive trust me i have been an officer of the uk prison service for twenty years so i speak from some experince DO NOT get in debt to anyone do your own time no one elses prison makes good people bad and bad people worse respect other inmates but DO NOT get yourself in a situation where you owe someone something to anyone not only will you lose respect of other prisoners the officers will take longer to get to you WHEN and you will get into trouble if you get convicted of a sex crime go for protective custody because if you dont you will not see the outside wall in one peice if they dont get we will we hate rapists and kiddie fiddlers too
April 1st, 2008 at 7:05 pm
rincewind,
One word: comma
April 3rd, 2008 at 3:05 am
I really hate to admit, (and I do not mean any offence to victims of sex abuse/rape) but since I was in my early teens, I have always fantasized about being gang-raped in prison. But then again I know in my heart that I wouldn’t survive the real deal.
April 16th, 2008 at 9:33 am
Kimba did you happen to read the rest of that article?
April 25th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Being in war is like committing a crime.. it is better not to start a war in first place … THINK THINK THINK…
May 3rd, 2008 at 12:55 am
If you are above average in intelligence or education, don’t show it in any way. Lack of intelligence or poor educational opportunities often bring out jealousy in sub-human mentalities. Wait, wait, wait until you get to know some other above average intelligence people in prison. Don’t answer out loud any of the questions on the TV game shows in the presence of others.
If you have no life insurance or someone on the outside is not paying your premiums, the easiest way to commit suicide is tying a medium sized plastic bag (check for pre-punched holes) around your head/neck when you go to bed at night. Painless. Clean. Empty your bladder and take a good poop before going to bed. You might get some emetic from the doc a couple days beforehand. Tell them you are constipated. Have some consideration for your cellmate.
May 24th, 2008 at 6:10 am
They have an old saying, I learned when I was young: “Don’t pull the crime if you can’t do the time.”
The problem with most prisoners is education, or a lack thereof. Get odd grades in high school, go to college, if you don’t have the money, be really smart and get a scholarship, or do grand and loans. Make something of your life instead of waste it
May 24th, 2008 at 6:13 am
They have an old saying, I learned when I was young: “Don’t pull the crime if you can’t do the time.”
The problem with most prisoners is education, or a lack thereof. Get good grades in high school, go to college, if you don’t have the money, be really smart and get a scholarship, or do grants and loans and work on the side. Make something of your life instead of wasting it. America has the second largest prison population on earth. Why? Why?…
May 28th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
I haven’t ever wanted to not to go to prison this badly before. :p
May 30th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Is it true that the reason why those people with sex-related crimes get the worst time in prison (if they are found out) is because other prisonmates might have been victims of a sex-related crime when they were young?
Someone told me this, and I wonder if it is true…
June 16th, 2008 at 5:51 am
I used to work in the infirmary at a prison. I had to get used to seeing guys being strip searched on a regular basis. It amazed me how these guys just seemed to accept their fate and release any sense of modesty. Crap in public. Shower in public. I could never do that.
And some guards were such a-holes on a power trip.
June 16th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
Tricks learned at L.A. County Jail that came in handy later on: 1. Using your sneaker tip as an eraser when you were writing home with an pencil and made a mistake. I saw one inmate take her sneaker off and use it to erase a mistake. 2. Taking an elastic piece from the inmate pants and use it to deftly remove any chin and eyebrow hairs from your face and body. 3. Take the Kotex napkins they give you and break them open and mix toothpaste and soap scraps and then cover up the loud air conditioning grid so it doesn’t make so much noise and you sleep better. It hardens into a paste and does the trick. 4. Make Kotex Tampons by opening kotex they give you and rolling it into a cigar like thing and using it that way. 5. Learn how to read palms and tell the future because that is what got Blondie thru her ordeal, she read about 500 different palms and got good at it. 6. Offer non sexual back rubs as inmates are playing spades or sitting around the tables. 7. Show inmates your yoga and how you can roll up into a ball and twist yourself into a pretzel. 8. When you are talking on payphone, and want a three way connection, blow into phone while other person is connecting you to third party. 9. Take the juice/milk carton and make dice by deftly folding the ends together and making the dots. 10. To break the boredom make your county jail sneakers into “sliders” by putting your feet on top on shoes and sticking your heel far into the back part of show and you can skate around and have a real fun time!
June 16th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
…I meant part of the shoe and you can sake around and have a fun time!
June 29th, 2008 at 11:44 am
As someone who has spent years in jail, this list sounds a bit far fetched. I imagine UK female prisons are considerably better than USA male jails. I think I broke all these rules and I turned out just fine…..!
July 18th, 2008 at 11:35 am
heres real advice-
kick someone’s ass the first day, or become someone’s bitch
then it should be all right
July 22nd, 2008 at 10:55 am
Loads of my friends have been to prison and are still in prison doing big stretches and de big difference between u.s. jails and irish jails is in ireland rape is despised and anybody who has did it are the main targets nobody gets raped in irish prisons and once you know somebody in there and u stick wit them you’ll be cool and dont walk in tryin to be tough cos you’ll be sliced up along wit de rapists and de child molesters and wit anybody who owes money
August 11th, 2008 at 3:30 am
I served 1 month in youth prison in 2 different youth jails (Ontario, Canada) when i was 16. I can confirm that 90% of this list would have been useless in my situation. That is the thing though, every prison is different and every country’s prisons are different. My experience is pretty much a mix of both best case scenario and worst case scenario. Just so you know I am not making this shit up the 2 institutions were “Tyak” which is now closed ( it was an older adult jail used to house youths ) & another fairly new prison called “Brookside”. One important thing to remember is prison and a “bullpen” (where you go in the courthouse before being sent to shitland) are 2 very different experiences. Another thing to remember is if you have lots of money , your golden. I’m starting to rant here so ill just explain the difference between my experience at each prison and provide you with a list of things to remember (dont forget laws are different everywhere ect ect so they may not all apply to you). Ok lets start with the good and end with the bad – Tyac was in essence exactly the same as brookside as far as the way they operated. brookside however had detached ranges whereas in tyac they were all in the same building. The big difference however was that in brookside everyone was mixed together excluding the range for the worst inmates(sent their for bad repeat bad behavior. Tyac however, and i know I’m going to sound racist here.. had 3 ranges that were all african american and 1 range for everyone else (my range). Tyac was like a crime school where everyone swapped numbers ect, whereas brookside was in comparison more of a Vietnamese torture camp. Once in brookside all i wanted was to go back to tyac. Most of my time in brookside was spent thinking of the many ways i could murder/torture anyone affiliated with sending me there. The 1 positive thing was that there was absolutly 0 homosexual activity in either of these prisons. The closest thing to it was inmates calling eachother “gay” or “fag”. To sum it up, your experience can either be a cakewalk or it could be living hell, it all depends on where you are located and whether its a youth or an adult prison.
Don’t ever press charges on someone who has attacked you, you will likely be stabbed. Even the officer that has to come down from the station after an attack will warn you of that.(as he did to me)
Things to remember
1) If you got cash you can usually post bail and get out.
2) The difference between appointed lawyers and hired ones is not dissimilar to going to war with a Y-branch vs going to war with a laser guided missile launcher.(99.9% of the time, the dude with the Y-branch is in the sense of the word “fucked”)
3)There are 2 different kinds of prisoners : the ones that care and the ones that don’t, generally the ones that dont care are in there for long stretches and therefore have no reason to fear further charges and time b/c they are stuck there probably for life.
4)If someone who doesn’t care wants your lunch/shoes/shoelaces/shirt/pants/golden teeth ect. w/e trust me, no amount of respect/not making eye contact is going to stop them from fighting you for it. They take what they please. (once again im not talking out of my ass, i was attacked for a samwich i would not surrender and subsiquently attacked by the guys friends once i got him to the floor pinned(so dont think fighting fair is going to save you), and also the same guy I pinned attacked a very quiet peaceful chinese kid, you guessed it, he wanted his shoes (this was after my incident with him which resulted in being maced and chained to a pipe in the hallway. I was lucky with 1 bump on my noggin, but the chinese kid was wheeled out on a stretcher after having his head bashed of the wall and floor.
5) Alot of the inmates love to hide, carrie, and brandish their “shanks” aka sharpened toothbrush’s ect so be aware of that. ( i cant put into words how scary it is hearing the guy in the cell next door sharpening something metal on metal )
If there was ever a time i wanted to behead a justice of the peace(aka judge in canada) after a long week of torture , that was it.
6) Never ever , ever ,ever , ever ,ever ,ever ,ever ,ever ,ever ,ever ,ever expect to be protected by the guards from anything. I am a firm believer that any trained species of greater ape could do a better job then the guards/people running the place, and that is not in any way a joke.
7) number 2 and number 10 on this list absolutely do not work together , the first thing someoen will ask you, asuming its not gimmy your shoelaces or im gonna stab you. Is what are you in for ? or what are your charges, if you deviate or do not address their question its likely that will be taken as a sign of disrespect and you could be attacked.
9) all this applies for general pop. not PC (protective custody), if you dont want to have to deal with any of this crap ,you must get transfered to PC….they do not always do this per request because PC prisoners take more time and effort to take care of so they dont exactly want more of them to babysit. However if your request to be transfer into protective custody fails, you have 3 options :a) wait until you get into a fight in which case they are forced to put you in pc if you ask, b) injure/cut yourself and go to the guards and say it was another prisoner but dont say who(you could lie and pick a random person to blame but pc is not 100% so there are still ways that person could get to you, and they prolly wont be happy) if your can hurt yourself bad enough so that they are forced to send you to the infirmary, your golden. (in the movie “chopper” an inmate in australia cuts of his ears in order to achieve basically the same thing) and option C which is probably the easiest – throw a temper tantrum which includes using urine/feces as a projectile, you wont be put in PC but will be put in solitary as a punishment. When they try to move you out of solitary, because they need the space to punish other prisoners who have been fighting/stabbing simply urinate under the door crack or throw your feces through the food slot in order to get an extended stay. FYI i was send to prison for defending myself after being assaulted (if the witness’s are not on your side when the cops arrive, you are royally fucked my friend even if you were simply defending yourself or someone else under attack)
I guess the only other thing i would like to add is that when i entered this experience i was pretty much the most docile person you would ever meet , now i see a beheading video online and all i can think about is doing that to all the people involved in sending me to brookside after a long torture session. And trust me, i know how dispickable, horrible and wrong in every sense of the word that is. 1 last thing, the water in prison had a taste, the only way i can describe it is it tasted like overchlorinated swimming pool water.
August 23rd, 2008 at 9:49 pm
My question is this. I am facing six months in County Jail for DUID (Colorado) I have a ton of health problems and require many medications, blood tests, ect… (Heart Transplant, Heart Faliure, Had Cancer,) What can I expect in terms on a “Medical Wing” or protective custody. Thanks.
Also this looks really standard, mostly common sense really.
August 25th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
very good advice i did 16yrs in state prison i went in at age 23 and got out at 39yr old,ive seen a lot of shit happen in prison and i did a lot of stupid shit there two,think of prison as a very big zoo,your the animal and the cos are the keepers its survival of the fittest in there,the only thing prison taught me was to be a better criminal,and im just a victim of my envirment.
August 26th, 2008 at 4:14 am
Interestingly, with a few minor changes here and there, the list applies to many other places also.
August 27th, 2008 at 5:46 am
As someone who has actually been to prison I would say this is a pretty good guide. In fact when people ask me what I learned from prison I always reply “How to sit in a room with 500 people and not catch anyone’s eye, not even once”.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:38 am
I was in Cleveland city jail for a few days, a couple of time when I was a kid. Then I spent about a year in Topeka Kansas county jail when I was around 18 years old. I decided to quit doing drugs and get a job and work after that, then back in 2001 I decided to start getting high again and became a Meth addict. I blew my life savings about $700,000, lost my house and new truck on that and I got arrested and charged with, Mfg.W/I/ to sell and selling stolen bulldozers and other various stuff. I got a good attorney and got drug court. During drug court I had to do a little more time in Thurston county jail here in WA. To me jail is a very boring place and the other people in there were even more boring. AS far as how to act to stay safe I would have to say that in my opinion the people that came in talking a lot of shit just rubbed other inmates the wrong way and got into fights with them and some of the fights I seen were pretty brutal.I personally did not feel threatened just very board I also slept a lot from what I can remember the big excitement for the day was breakfast, lunch,and dinner. I never encountered anybody that tried to rape me. I just thought if somebody was going to try something that friekin stupid that it would be a fight to the death, and god help them if I ended up on top of them beating them down, cuz I probably would not have stopped until they had a whole bunch beating done to them.
September 6th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
hey 666 is that the best you can do is critise my grammer i may not be the most educted man in the world but like i said i have been a prison officer for a long time for any one going to prison try reading the book i worked with this man what he has to say is the how it is for us http://www.ronniethompson.co.uk/
September 9th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
666, don’t think he’string to generally critisze what you have to say, ut tell you to use commas and erods and other puncuation so that is easier for ust to understand what you’re point that you’re trying to get across better. Not trying toi citisize the ont that you were trying tomake itself.
As for my opinion on the list, it SEEMS good, but I wouldn’t know. I’ve never spent ANY time in jail,prison,correctional facilities, etc. And I’ve never been to one for any reason. I just searched up tips on prison survival partially out of curiosity and partially out of fear that one day, maybe something might go wrong and I might get thrown in there unjustly or something… I dunno. Just in case of ome of the wrst case scenarios, you know? Anyway, I’ll keep that advice in mind just in case cause it seems like useful advice to use if it’s necessary.
September 9th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
*edit:
I’m sorry, I meant to say that to rincewind, not 666.
MY bad.
September 9th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
*edit, again: he’string= He’s trying
Critisize= criticize
ut= just
erods= periods
ust=just
toi= to
ont- one
citicize= critcize
tomake= to make
me= some
wrst= worst
Sorry for the spelling errors. This thing is slow to read the shit I’m typing for some reason.
October 28th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
This list is bullshit here is my list that Actually works
1. Get involved with punks
I am not talking about guys with spiked hair – I am talking about guys who become other guys’ “girlfriends” – usually for protection.
2. Discuss your crime
This rule applies especially in cases of sexual crimes. It will also help if you crime involves children.
3. Get involved in gambling
This is a great way to pass the time, also you can earn heaps of money from the other prisons.
4. Collaborate with the guards against other prisoners
5. Become indebted to anyone
When you first arrive, other prisoners will offer to lend you things until you get on your feet – cigarettes for example. They will offer you a pack in exchange for two later. Absolutely do accept this offer, it is the best way to get free cigaretts! and there is nothing they can do about it because your both in prison!
6. Stare at another prisoners
Staring will show you are stong, hold the start till they back off. If they don’t you need to up the anti. Spit in there face. If they try to get voilent slap them. failing that run to the prison guards.
7. Use drugs
Drugs are readily accessible and they may make your time seem less painful.
8. Strength
This wasts time and will make you look gay. If you want to be tough get as many tatoos as possible. Make shour you show your touch, if they are muslim (terroist) use there koran as toilet paper this will show them also the same goes for other relogions.
9. Talking
Tell other prisoners about your private life. Discuss your crimes and do discuss politics or religion. Put your business out onto the street. At the same time, DO NOT respect other prisoner’s privacy and you should pry into their private lives. try cracking a few jokes which call into question their sexuality or the chastity of their mothers. Everyone will share a good laugh, and at the end of the day you may have just made a few new friends!
Misc Tips
DO have somebody beat you up before you go to prison. The first day is the hardest if you have a pretty face (like mine if I do say so myself). Black eyes, bruises, and cuts are your friend. If you want to go more extreme you can try open flames or chemical burns but this risks permanent facial damage (stay away from the eyes).
Sing, Sing as load as you can, this will chear you up and the other prisons will love it. Sing all night long until 7am the next morning. they wont openly show they they like it but inside they do!
November 13th, 2008 at 6:49 am
Not a bad list. Also should mention on the gambling part that, the problem is not only losing, cause if you have the cash you pay. But if you win and the person doesn´t then that puts you on the spot to collect. And collect you must! If not you´re weak and…..you get my drift. Another thing. As you arrive people will act friendly to feel you. And based on how you carry yourself will determine whether you´ll be left alone or not. ALWAYS act as if you don´t care about being there, life in general. I used to comment that I´d stab the eyes out of a person fucking with me so as not to kill him but to remember me for the rest of his life. Promise that I would have done it too, as at the time life or death really didn´t mean shit to me, but thank God that wasn´t necessary.
November 17th, 2008 at 7:31 am
i spent one year in county,5 years down state, i get senteced on 12/8 i will probally go down state for 3 yrs or so this list is right about some shit wrong bout others county were im from aint shit no homo shit, no fights, cos r gay as fuck they treat u like a kid, down state life is way better than county(life isnt good in prison) but down state u stay away from guards they stay away from u, get high, might as well, just stop about 30-45 days before parole(piss test to get released)most prisons now a days showers r single booths. if you need info post shit i will respond
Erie County Prison 357 days
SCI Camp Hill(state)30 days
SCI Somerset (state)3 1/2 years
SCI Retreat (state)1 1/2 years
November 30th, 2008 at 8:27 am
Statelifer – go well. Boppy X
November 30th, 2008 at 8:29 am
Two men looking through prison bars,
One saw mud, one saw stars.
December 18th, 2008 at 1:36 am
All you ignorant bastards read this then you will know what to expect [link deleted - contains auto-popup video file]
January 11th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
I spent years in and out of scotish prisons ? my last sentance was 6 years and i say give respect and you,ll get respect and go with the flow for stress free time.
February 2nd, 2009 at 8:23 am
cape town prisons, you need to take someone out to be recognized and respected….. aim for the biggest and badest.
February 12th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Never whistle. It is absolutely not tolerated. This is for Canadian jails, but probably applies in the US as well.
March 12th, 2009 at 12:26 am
So, mastering the fine art of pruno or perhaps melting plastic and scraping against the concrete floor till a fine point shank is born won’t help make friends? Damn it. Thought I was on to something.
March 12th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
I heard that masturbating furiously, constantly makes other prisoners stay away from you.
It works in college anyway
March 20th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
i’ve never been to prison, since i am a law abiding citizen. but it seems like some of these might not be feasible. you say to not become involved with punks or those trying to befriend you for their own motives, but even in life, some people simply don’t take no for an answer. my best advice is don’t break the law and you’ll never have to worry about it.
March 29th, 2009 at 5:18 am
number 2: people who commit sexual crime, especially against children deserve to be raped until the shit is just falling out their ass. They shouldn’t be offered protective custody, did they offer protection to their victims?
March 30th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
im 20 and going to prision tomorow for between 6 and 18 months
readin this has helped me relise its not guna be to bad though
March 30th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
sean: best of luck! I hope these tips come in handy. Let us know when you get out.
April 1st, 2009 at 4:41 am
I read a story about a guy who became involved with punks…
Not a pleasant tale at all.
April 3rd, 2009 at 3:58 am
shame you warned pedos about not saying what they did as i think they deserve all they get in prison. good list again jfrater
April 13th, 2009 at 9:27 pm
As someone who spent almost 3 years in state prison in TN, this list is spot on. I can only disagree with the “working out” part. I tried this for a few weeks, but I decided to quit after seeing how pumped up with adrenaline so many of the inmates became. Tension was always VERY high on the weight yard. I spent my yard time in the library instead. The best way to survive prison is to do your time like a ghost. Respect others and respect yourself. I made it through without incident, and I know I’m a better man for the experience.
May 1st, 2009 at 1:46 pm
The list seems to hit it right on. The only thing is getting it across to a young know it all kid. He thinks that he will never be traded around for a pack of smokes and have some big black buck gang rape his white butt for entertainment. That is the kid I am concerned with. so, what’s the answer? All men have needs, and it’s the powerful ones that will TAKE WHAT THEY WANT, WHEN THEY WANT. Who is going to stop it? The sysytem doesn’t work to protect the crimials.
May 5th, 2009 at 12:09 am
And for you pretty boys out there..its ok to take liquid soap with you….because it takes longer to pick up and I’m sure you’ll get some, uh..well you know…Enjoy.
May 25th, 2009 at 9:56 am
this is more like a list for the world outside prison.
May 26th, 2009 at 3:23 am
Stay with your race, period. Also, don’t play cards for money or commisary items.
July 18th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
THETRUTH you are the typical punk! You know NOTHING about adult prisons and yet you shoot off your mouth like u seen it all done it all and been there. U end up in an adult facility wid dat mouth u gonna be raped within the first 24 hrs and i know PLENTY of people who would try !!!! So I suggest you SHUT UP about something you OBVIOUSLY know NOTHING about before you get your lily white ass into a whole heap of chit!
To the person who wrote this list you are DEAD on.
Spent 15 yrs in prison yeah i KNOW what im talking about!
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:55 pm
The list is alright, Most of which aside from a few listed are obvious no-no’s i.e. 1,4, and 5, the rest are really to speculation take your time as it comes. It’s commons sense really If you have any brains you’ll know when to do what and how, if you need a list i would recommend brushing up on some common sense, hopefully you don’t have to deal with it before then. As for whoever wrote the list. Why and maybe it shouldnt exist….
July 25th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
Ok people i know this sounds bad but the first thing you have 2 do if your going away for a long yime is JOIN A PRISON GANG i know some of you are like fuck that but u need back in prison and thats sure a good way 2 get it if people know your a well respected member of a certain gang they might not wanna fuck with you because they know how many people will come after them if they do and dont piss off your cellmate this isnt just some enemy this could be the guy your livin with for the next 25 years pissin him off could well be the ticket to an early grave
July 25th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
And for all you people who think your a gangsta or a thug and think know one can fuck with you u best clean up that shit before u get 2 prison because i gaurantee you theres a bigger badass in there then u suck it up dont be a kissass try to keep to yourself dont be a snitch dont be runnin yur mouth and keep fit and it should be alot easier for you
August 4th, 2009 at 4:12 am
Brilliant advice! I hope I never get locked up – ever. I come from a disadvantaged family, so that no one could put up bail if I got into the big house.
August 4th, 2009 at 4:56 am
Brilliant comments! In addition, some of them are refreshing and cynical. I hope I never get locked up – ever.
August 31st, 2009 at 8:02 am
Umm … im 18 and i was in prison for 23 years and i killed 183 inmates with my shoe (blunt) and they put in the hole for 2 hours.. and then i got out and killed two more people… then…. it was dinner time … i was eating lobster and then i killed 9 people with the tail and then ate a wedding cake oh and i killed 5 people with the foresting and they put me to death hmm ….oowoooow im a ghost ooooo
September 13th, 2009 at 11:32 am
Thanks for the interesting read. It’s good to see a lot of people who’ve been to jail commenting on this. Surprisingly enough, most of the people who’ve had some sort of jail experience and bother to comment on this are intelligent people who put across very interesting points!
Good luck, health and life to all of you!
October 8th, 2009 at 10:39 pm
im not bothered to read all the comments but has anyone noticed that #6 & #8 are contradicting?
October 12th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Some of the list is decent advice, avoid gambling and debt is a no brainer. Bulk up, give me a break, it’s all about having heart. Being big might be of some help, but muscles don’t stop a toilet lid or mop ringer from busting your head open. As for minding your own bussiness, hows that possible? Everyone gets tried one way or another, unless your in a pussy camp. Find a clique or group like yourself and back them up the same way you expect backup. As for prison sex, it’s way more complicated then stay away from punks, that advice is moronic, just be a man unless you prefer the other end of the stick.
October 22nd, 2009 at 6:35 am
Hmm.. these instructions apply to any competitive environment like the army or a job in a firm. They are -survive the tribe- laws. The thing is, can you pretend to be a person you are not? Can you pretend confidence?
October 25th, 2009 at 8:25 am
ive done a bit of time and if u end there the preceding is VERY good advice
October 25th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
A lot of this is DAMN GOOD advice. I was down for a 20 ball, and, I am one of the rarest of lucky ones as I won my appeal. Came out clean and ended up serving 2 yrs. and the 1 year went for possession of a handgun w/o a permit. Still, I was in the big house.
OTHER things I would advise also is:
A. Don’t be a total loner. Prison will be your home for x number of years if not life. Try to find people you have common with that are benign and don’t run in gangs. Convicts will look down on a loner, and, some may look at that as disrespect or that you’re better than others.
B. If anyone comes up to test you, and run a front on you, don’t back down and show weakness. Often guys that aren’t all that might test you and, you want to and need to show some heart. Chances are, they have already been labeled a bitch, and, want to get that tag off them by testing someone new or percieved weak. Show them you are no one’s punk. You don’t have to fight in most all cases, just stand your ground.
C. It’s best to learn all you can while in the County or in RDC (Reception Diagnostic Center) when getting classified. It’s best to go to your final location/prison knowing something and you don’t want to look stupid. Best thing to do is appear you know the game, as ignorant and aimless fish draw big predatory fish.
D. Never be cocky, or a braggart, and, never act like you are better than anyone else. If you show attitude, and think you’re bad, even if you are the baddest MFr in the joint,….or think you are,…..I’ve seen guys like that busted down like a shot-gun and raped like a 120 lbs she-male. Best just to do your own time and keep any attitude inside.
E. NEVER EVER cry in front of others. Want to talk about a way to piss off everyone, and, it spreads fast with rumor, never cry, or feel sorry for yourself, whether guilty or innocent. You wanna cry, do it at night under you blanket, and, keep it quiet. Remember everyone in prison is unhappy, and, no one gives a damn about you or your circumstances.
F. If someone calls you a Bitch, they are testing you. Don’t back down. If others see you do nothing and allow someone to call you a Bitch, others will know through the grape-vine that you are weak and have no heart. There will be times you HAVE to show heart, and, it doesn’t require a shank. All it requires is some good old fashioned guts.
G. Don’t ever threaten anyone or tell anyone else you want to or will do something to some certain someone. Keep your thoughts to yourself, and, never telegraph anything. The only one to trust in Prison is yourself. You risk being hit if you run your mouth to the wrong person, and, you could be laying in a pile of your own blood if your words get to the wrong persons. Keep your mouth shut.
H. Never pry into someone else’s affairs. It’s a good way to get beat down or worse. Only if someone includes you in a conversation, should you then feel okay. But, listen and don’t talk much. People play each other all the time, and, it’s an everyday affair. You’d be surprised by the nature of the beast……..humans.
November 17th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
dude…tie a string to ur soap…u could drop it..and u wont get a u know up ur u know..
December 19th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
some of the shit on the list is true. I went to county for 6 months then finished it off in prison for 1 year. Things arent so bad. the key is to stick to your race, or find a few friends to chill with that will have your back.. you dont really need to establish yourself unless someone trys to fuck with you.. no one tried fucking with me cuz i stuck to my race.. people usually dont want race wars so there was never any problems.. usually your race will tell you how it goes in there.. the biggest key word is RESPECT.. dont be a bitch just handle yourself with respect and others as well.
December 20th, 2009 at 10:01 pm
yeah im on my way to prison, i agree with you chrisgee, iv’e been to county for a year and have seen guys come down from prison, the key is respect and sticking with your race is it true that if they try to put you in a cell with another race you have to refuse and go to the hole im looking at 2 years fro burglary.
December 24th, 2009 at 9:52 am
your all idiots if you think this is a good list. whoever wrote this thinks that everything you do while in prison will get you killed. no. you have never been to jail so stop acting. and most of you commenters have never even been inside a jail so you can stop pretending to.
January 7th, 2010 at 1:58 am
I’m loving thess webpages
The comments are hillarious too
January 12th, 2010 at 12:21 pm
well having done a couple of yrs by accident ….. my best
advice would be to learn to play dominoes, spades, hearts,
casino, scrabble, chess or checkers and just hang out ONLY with the OTHER guys who play dominoes, spades, hears, casino … etc etc (couldn’t find no bridge players) …
Anyhow, my experience was that the guys who did this for ‘fun’ (to socialize, for example … not to Gamble) were about the best source i found locked up for ‘prison networking’ i.e., survival … whatEVER race they are …
anybody wanna complain about my comments i think YOU ain’t been there … it sure wuzzent like on tv.
January 15th, 2010 at 3:21 pm
this post is ment to help someone in need.if you go to prison you will meet all kinds of guys,mean,nice,and lots have mental problems so there is no sure list but,it’s a good start.after reading alot of these post i have noticed the big differances in opions just like you would have in prison.some people don’t know what there talking about some don’t care and some give wrong advice just because they are ass holes or just dumb as hell which prison is full of.my cousin was in county jail and prison for 8 years.and he is a mean mother fucker even before being locked up.we grew up together like brothers and he will not talk much about the time he spent locked up other than fighting and drugs. i know from what i observe every day in the world that he had sex in there but,could never tell me and i suspect he even raped and beat some one.he did tell me before he would go back he would die.
January 20th, 2010 at 7:29 pm
I have absolutely no idea why but I am fascinated with things relating to prison. This list was entertaining.
January 20th, 2010 at 7:48 pm
and some of the comments from people that have experienced incarceration were very interesting
January 27th, 2010 at 3:04 pm
- Stick to your race, but don’t be a racist. Be friendly but not weak.
I don’t agree with the comments that you shouldn’t show your intelligence or talk about education. As long as you don’t brag/flaunt or talk down to other inmates it could be a good thing. Don’t make other people feel stupid. Be humble at the same time.
For me, talking about my education was an asset because I’m from a minority background so many of the inmates from my own race gave me props for it when they found out I had a phD in Chemistry. Keyword is found out. I only told my cell-mate, but it got out to others, so it didn’t look like I was bragging. If you ever saw me, you would never think I am a doctor, most people immediately assume high-school drop-out or something else which added to the respect of not being a geek.
Intelligence can intimidate other inmates particularly if you can demonstrate that you aren’t weak and can fight. A guy tried to scrap with me, where I clapped his ears so hard he dropped to the floor. He had over a foot and 100 pounds on me. He dropped instantly, holding his ears in pain. He didn’t realize that although I am only 5 foot 8, I fight extremely dirty. I don’t overpower, I outsmart. I’ll trip you, poke your eyes, pull your ears and yank your balls and make you scream. Luckily in high-school I used to be on the wrestling team, so I had a few moves.
Then one day he came back for revenge and threw my lunch tray off the table with my food on it, we got into a scrap and the fight got stopped. .
I warned him that he fucked with my food, he will never see food the same way ever again, he got confused as to what I was talking about. The next week I managed to smuggle in arsenic powder that I requested a friend to coat over dollar bills to look like dust. That’s when I really fucked him up. A few days later, I had another inmate distract him while I dropped arsenic in his food and drink. Half an hour later, he fell of his chair into convulsions and started vomiting, quickly after, he fell into a coma that lasted for 3 weeks, he came back with mild brain damage, feeling totally like shit, messed up nervous system and extreme paranoia.
When he came back, he was paranoid to ever eat again in my presence, he always worried that I was gonna fuck with his food somehow and I was now out for the rest of my time trying to poison him to death, he tried to avoid eating until he felt absolutely hungry (which made him really weak). I began my psychological torment of him and sometimes joked with other inmates that after dinner he will be dead in a few hours which I was told made it extremely difficult for him to sleep. Total mind-fucking.
- Intelligence can also help make you interesting and help you make friends. Where there is so much boredom, inmates will respect those that make their lives less boring and make the time pass-fast but don’t be an over-talkative parrot and know when to shut up.
- Always make a weapon no matter how comfortable you are. Remember it doesn’t always have to be a physical weapon, I used poison. If you can manage to get poison in, it is the best weapon possible. Not only can you cause a lot of damage, you can also easily get away which is what really scares the fuck out of other inmates.
February 3rd, 2010 at 4:38 pm
@DontTalkShit (133): Daaang….
As for the llist, yes, it is mostly common sense, I have never been to prison and don’t intend to, but sometimes C.S. is some great advice anyways.
AWESOME list!
February 5th, 2010 at 7:20 pm
I have to say that I spent most of my boring day at work reading these comments. It’s fucking funnier than watching TV. I have been locked up on several occassions , but never had a list or guide on what to do while in jail/prison. The best advice that I can give is USE COMMON SENSE. Once comfortable in your institution I suggest instead of working out on your physique all the time, you consume as much information possible. Read, get your GED, go to library and learn things. The more you learn while inside, the better off you’ll be when you graduate to freedom. I was minimum wage earning person when I went in, now I own/operate a successful company and make great money. I went to college after earning my Good Enough Diploma in prison and received a bachelors. I have been trouble free for 10 plus years. I think the legalization of medical marijuana has helped that but nonetheless I came out smarter than when I went in.