Here is a topic about the birds and the bees – as it relates to the animal kingdom. This is a selection of 10 of the most bizarre mating rituals known to man.
10. Red-Sided Garter Snakes

These snakes are small and poisonous, and live in Canada and the Northwestern United States. Their highly unusual mating takes place during an enormous orgy. Hundreds snakes slither together in a large den, eager to copulate. In that pile, one female may have as many as 100 males vying for her. These ‘nesting balls’ grow as large as two feet high. Now and then a female is crushed under the heavy mound.
Interesting Fact: Some male garter snakes are able to release the same scent that females release, causing them to be mounted by hundreds of other snakes. Scientists believe this may be for warmth and protection.
9. Argonaut

Argonauts exhibit extreme sexual dimorphism in size and lifespan. Females grow up to 10 cm and make shells up to 30 cm, while males rarely surpass 2 cm. The males only mate once in their short lifetime. The males lack the dorsal tentacles used by the females to create their eggcases. The males use a modified arm, the hectocotylus, to transfer sperm to the female. For fertilization, the arm is inserted into the female’s pallial cavity, then is detached from the male.
Interesting Fact: Argonauts are capable of altering their color. They can blend in with their surroundings to avoid predators.
8. Whiptail Lizard

The whiptail lizard is an all-female species. It reproduces through a method called parthenogenesis. Each Whiptail lizard has an ovarian cycle of 21 to 28 days. When two are placed in a cage together, they synchronize their cycles so they are opposite. For 10 to 14 days, one of the females will act male, which means she mounts the other. The remaining Whiptail takes the female role by receiving; then they switch roles. This is unusual as neither is truly male. The resulting offspring of this method of mating is a perfect clone of its mother.
Interesting Fact: In the lab, through genetic manipulation, scientists have been able to artifically create true male whiptail lizards.
7. Anglerfish

The Anglerfish has one of the most unique mating methods. When a male is born, it has no digestive system so it needs to find a female (all of which do have digestive systems) quickly. When it finds a suitable female, it latches on to the side of her by biting her and it releases an enzyme that melts her skin causing the two to fuse together. The male then wastes away and the female has a permanent supply of sperm to fertilize her eggs on demand.
Interesting Fact: The anglerfish is a culinary speciality in certain Asian countries. In Japan, each fish sells for as much as $150 USD.
6. Bedbug

Bedbugs mate by “traumatic insemination” – what this means is that the male doesn’t even bother with the female sexual organs – it simply stabs the female with its own sword like sexual organ in any part of her body. Lovely. This form of mating is thought to have evolved as a way for males to overcome female mating resistance.
Interesting Fact: Bedbugs are generally active only at dawn, with a peak attack period about an hour before dawn.
5. Giant Panda

Giant Pandas are famously difficult to get to mate in captivity – at least until some bright spark in China discovered that showing them panda porn seems to help increase their libido! In 1998 the result of showing panda porn lead to the population of pandas in Wolong zoo to more than double.
Interesting Fact: Two of President Theodore Roosevelt’s sons were the first Westerners to shoot a giant panda for sport.
4. Percula Clownfish

The star fish in Finding Nemo is a clownfish. What most people don’t know, is that Nemo was neither a boy nor a girl – s/he was both! Clownfish can change gender! They will normally live together in a small group – the largest is the female, the second largest is the male, and the rest are non-mating males. If the female dies, the largest male will become the female, and the largest of the non-mating males will be promoted to the mating male.
Interesting Fact: Clownfish and damselfish are the only fish that can avoid the potent stings of an anemone.
3. Giraffe

Female giraffes associate in groups of a dozen or so members, occasionally including a few younger males. Males tend to live in “bachelor” herds, with older males often leading solitary lives. Reproduction is polygamous, with a few older males impregnating all the fertile females in a herd. Male giraffes determine female fertility by nudging the females backside until she urinates in his mouth – he uses the taste to determine whether the female is in heat.
Interesting Fact: Giraffes have extremely long tongues – often up to 45cm.
2. Porcupine

Female porcupines are only interested in sex for 8-12 hours per year. Interested males will stand on their hind legs and spray a female with urine. If she is ready and interested, she will expose her quill-less belly to the male and they will mate until they are both exhausted. if the male tires before the female, she will seek another male to take his place. If a female is not ready or interested in a male, she will make a screaming noise and shake the males urine off herself.
Interesting Fact: Porcupine meat is valued as a food for humans in parts of Africa, Italy, and Vietnam.
1. The Spotted Hyena

Unlike most other hyenas, the female spotted hyena has a pseudo-penis (enlarged clitoris). Female hyenas give birth, copulate, and urinate through their protruding genitalia, which stretches to allow the male penis to enter for copulation, and it also stretches during birth. The anatomical position of the genitalia gives females total sexual control over who is allowed to mate with them. The female is also larger than the male. In the spotted hyena family, the female really does wear the pants.
Interesting Fact: Hyenas, unlike other canids, do not raise their leg when urinating.




















FIRST! First.
I’m glad human females aren’t like porcupines eh?
Wow. And I thought I had some weird rituals in bed . . .
Moriati: I imagine virtually 100% of the female population would agree with you
Mystern: maybe you could put them on a list?
I was going to go into detail about kiwiboi’s mom and her bizarre behavior in bed, but I have a lot of work to do today.
JF: Oh? are we allowed to submit NSFW lists now? I know there’s a section but the contribute page still says not to.
Wow. Some of them are so *****ing wierd… The clownfish, anglerfish & lizard are really bizzare.
I don’t think the giant panda really belongs on this list, they only have small libidos…
“If a female is not ready or interested in a male, she will make a screaming noise and shake the males urine off herself.” That made me laugh so much! I’m sure a lot of women would scream if a guy *****ed on her!
Mystern: sure – I have decided not to write any more myself – but I will definitely consider posting others if I like them
dangorironhide: hahah I would say you are right
Mystern: man – I am so thick today – I guess that was meant to be a joke in response to my previous comment
Sorry I missed it
I think I would screech and shake the male’s urine off me *every* time.
JF: I personally thought your original comment was the best part of the joke.
chershey: I am extremely pleased to hear it
chershey: I’m sure most guys wouldn’t have any interest at all in doing that! Well, definitely not me at least
the giraffe pic is special
not a contributor, love your web site but….garter snakes are NOT poisonous
I did not know that giraffes were kinky…she really *****es in his mouth? Ewwww…..
Notable exclusion:
Male mammal sees female mammal at local social gathering spot. Male mammal encourages female mammal to drink liquids made of fermented grains or fruits. Female mammal is overcome by the liquid, altering her judgement. Male mammal further wins her affection by providing her with flowers and/or a type of crystalized carbon, a very rare rock. Female mammal eventually gives in and engages in mating process. Soon after, male mammal loses all interest in female mammal, and moves on to the next one.
I can’t get over the panda pr0n.
A lot of these mating rituals seem pretty viciuos. . . . Well always did like it rough though. ; )
I live in Canada, Garter snakes are non venomous in the traditional sense, no venom glands, no fangs. Their saliva can provoke a response (itching, redness) in sensitive individuals and may be toxic to some small mammals and fish. I’ve been bitten tons of times (I was a tomboy),and never had a reaction.
I think your bedbug paragraph is worded wierd “- what this means is that the male doesn’t even both with the female *****ual organs ” idk maybe I am seeing things.
ah thats better jfrater
Shane S: Methinks that one should replace the pandas
I loved the last sentence in it: “Soon after, male mammal loses all interest in female mammal, and moves on to the next one.”
I wonder if any of the female pandas get embarrassed by the *****. Man I had to fast forward through the ***** scene in Terminator.
Mom424: The scene in Terminator? Really? What did you do about the orgy in the Matrix 2?
“He uses the taste to determine whether the female’s urine is in heat”.
I guess this is like getting to 3rd base for the male giraffe.
I was thinking If I was a male giraffe and it got to this stage in our relationship and I went to the trouble of tasting her urine I think I deserve to have ***** weather she is in heat or not. Sorry if you think that’s just using her for ***** but that’s just the way I am.
Does anyone know the name of a snail, where two of them hang of a tree, release these blue luminescent tails that spin around and fuse together at the end? I saw it on an Attenbourough show once and it was amazing
. They Should be definitely be on the list.
First time commenting, I love the site. Just an FYI – garter snakes are non-poisonous. Keep up the great work!
JMurf: that sounds a bit like gloworms.
The whiptail lizard dry humps to get in the mood?
I like wine and compliments!
Mom424: forget the compliments – wine’s all I need!
jmurf; in a huge rope of iridescent snot?
yuck, i saw it too. I will try and find out its’ name.
was expecting to see the praying mantis and other insects where the female eats the male after mating.
are humans the only creatures that have ***** for recreation as well as procreation??
I get the remote. I’m not offended by ***** (most of it), just embarrassed. Lord I can blush thinkin’ about what I did last night…
Its’ a hang-up, My mom gave it too me..
Copperdragon: No. Manatees and dolphins have ***** for pleasure. There are a few other species but I can’t think of them offhand.
copperdragon; No way, take a look at Bonobos, a kind of ape,,,Straight *****, Lesbo *****, gay *****, man they are the Freddy Mercury of the animal kingdom.
copperdragon: you may be interested to know that the praying mantis does not eat its mate – that myth has come about from a badly run study done long ago under conditions that were extremely stressful to the creature – it is not seen at all under normal circumstances or in other less-stressful studies
There is a type of monkey that has ***** for recreation – I can’t remember what they are called though. They also practise oral ***** and other very human aspects of *****.
My wife works in a Jewish hospital and apparently the slang Jews use for taking a dump is “make.” “I have to make.” My wife was perplexed the first time she heard this and of course asked “Make what?” Her patient did not understnad that my wife did not understand.
Now that you have that piece of knowledge, I found this misstyped sentence quite amusing and, quite impressive on the porcupine’s behalf
“and they will make until they are both exhausted”
YEEOW!!
Hey everyone. Only discovered the site about a month ago; it’s proved to be quite the “time passer” here at work. Thanks jfrater!
A notable exclusion from this list (imo) is the black widow. While the male is lighting a post-coital cigarette, the female is playing out murder scenarios. Gotta love it.
rearden: Welcome to the site! The Black Widow is definitely a contender for this list! Thanks for mentioning it
R Brown: Thank you for pointing out the typo – yet another! I have corrected it
JMurf; I couldn’t find the snail one, but almost equally disgusting is this slug
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Grey_Slug
Mom 424 – LOL @ “The Freddie Mercury of the animal kingdom!”
I once read that man is the only mammal able to have ***** face-to-face. Does anybody know if this is true?
During mating the genitals of male honey bees explode and snap off inside the queen.
“Sleep tight…don’t let the bed bugs bite…”
Um – more like, “sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs stab you with their elongated, sword-like *****ual organ and then have their way with you!!!”
OMG! They are so menacing to me now!!!! CREEEEEEEEPY!
Sam: OUCH!
Blogball – I think primates can have ***** in the missionary position.
***I’m definitely not an expert on this, though. (Thank God!!) LOL.
Blogball: no – the monkeys described by Mom424 as the “Freddie Mercury” of the animal kingdom also have face to face *****
I believe they even french kiss.
Long time reader – 1st time writer…
I actually took a couple of animal behavior classes in college and so I’ve known about most of these. I wish you had found a picture of the hyena’s pseudo-penis, it’s ridiculous!
Also, there are a few more which I’ve always found funny…
There’s a type of fish which makes a small hole in the sand and lays upside down. Females generally hide in these holes, so when one lands on top of the male he injects her with sperm before she can swim away.
There’s more but I’d have to get out my books, haha!
jfrater: something about monkeys french kissing just really skeeves me out
I would almost pay to see 2 giraffes french kiss
The comments on this list are classic!!
JMurf & Mom424: I don’t know the name but I know there was one in the Planet Earth Caves segment that had irredescent spit. Maybe that will help.
I’m personally thinking of waking up before dawn now to make sure that the bedbugs don’t “stab” me in random spots…yeacch!!
Kristan: ha ha, those sneaky males. This just proves that males (regardless of the species) can be very conniving and deceitful. . . not to say that females aren’t, sorry guys
I vote for not seeing the Hyena’s psuedo penis! Same goes for the french kissing giraffe’s while we are at it.
toolnut: me too – I was even uncomfortable with the two apes kissing in planet of the apes and they were humans in costume!
SocialButterfly:
No I don’t think it was Planet Earth, I saw a clip of it when they were interviewing him on Parkinsons, a chat show in the uk
Mom424: The slugs i saw were amazing and beautiful, it was unbelievable to me anyway
I apologize to anyone who took offense to my gay/lesbo remarks. I’m actually for all kinds of *****, I just don’t believe in hedonism…unless you’re a Bonobo…
Actually there is one type of monkeys which is much better at making out than humans. Saw it on NGC, cant remember their type, but their *****ual sessions lasts for around 8-12 hours, indulge in oral, ***** *****, and exhibit homo*****uality with …er..’penis fencing’.
Also, the world record for the longest orgasm for a mammal, is held by pigs…over 90 minutes!!
rearden, jfrater: i KNEW there was some critter that killed/ate its mate after mating. thanks for the black widow reminder. are there others?
Mom424: I am almost completely certain that no one would have taken offence – it was one of the funniest comments on the site in recent days
It may even have been funnier than my “tighty whiteys and cosmos” comment a couple of days ago – but I am not sure