Top 10 Greatest Fictional Bands
The world’s hipsters and rock writers will endlessly debate who the greatest rock bands of all time are. Some bands like The Beatles or Led Zeppelin will always be included in the discussion but others are sadly ignored. Some are overlooked for the simple reason that they do not actually exist. So, to give these sorely under-appreciated bands some recognition, here are the Top Ten Fictional Bands of all time.
Notable Members: Kevin Malone
Style: Cover Band
Essential Listening: Roxanne, You Were Meant for Me
Originally a Steve Miller tribute band known as “Jokers and Tokers,” Scrantonicity now plays covers of The Police (though they have been known to cover other artists at live shows). The band has recently gone through a huge upheaval as Kevin Malone- the band’s lead vocalist and drummer- left the group. He has gone on to form a new band Scrantonicity II. Immediately the two bands began an intense rivalry that continues to this day.
Notable Members: Tobias Funke, Lindsay Funke, Maeby Funke
Essential Listening: Teamocil
“Dr. Funke’s 100% Natural Good Time Family Band Solution” was a 1990’s folk trio consisting of the family of Tobias and Lindsay Funke and their daughter, Maeby. The group was underwritten by the Natural Life Food Company, a division of Chem-Grow, an Allen Crayne acquisition, which was part of the Squimm Group. As a result the group’s songs tended to focus upon the various drugs the company offered. Nevertheless, the band gained a very small but very devoted following. The band eventually split up due to growing tensions within the family. A reunion show at a Los Angeles wellness convention ended with Lindsay and Maeby storming offstage leaving Tobias to finish the show with the help of an eager fan. [The clip above is a tribute to the show itself as none of the music clips could be found.]
Notable Members: Uli Kunkel
Essential Listening: Hit and Run, Faking It
German techno-pop pioneers Autobahn released only one album entitled “Nagelbett” in the late seventies. They are perhaps the best example of a band being “ahead of its time.” Though they are now recognized as great innovators in the world of techno, their album was almost universally disparaged by both critics and audiences alike. Utter demoralized, the band dissolved. All of its members fell on hard times with band leader Uli Kunkel even resorting to the adult film industry before disappearing from the public eye completely.
Notable Members: Homer Simpson, Barney Gumble, W. Seymour Skinner, Apu de Beaumarchais
Style: Barbershop Quartet
Essential Listening: Baby On Board, Number 8
A barbershop quartet hailing from Springfield, USA, The Be-Sharps experienced a meteoric rise to fame following the release of their first album “Meet the Be-Sharps” which featured the unlikely hit “Baby on Board.” Success, however, was fleeting. By the time their sophomore effort “Bigger Than Jesus” the band was divided by creative differences which lead the group splitting up. In recent years they reunited only once for a concert atop Moe’s Cavern, though reunion tour rumors continue to abound.
Notable Members: Jesse Katsopolis
Essential Listening: Forever
Jesse and the Rippers came roaring out of the San Francisco rock scene when they recorded a cover of the classic Beach Boys tune “Forever.” The song became a surprise hit with both fans and the Beach Boys themselves. In fact, three of the Beach Boys even appeared as the band’s back-up singers in the official video. The band split shortly after their first tour. The break-up was primarily due to lead vocalist and guitarist Jesse Katsopolis’s unwillingness to put the band ahead of his family. (He was helping raise his dead sister’s three daughters in addition to his own twin sons.) Since then the members have gone on to various other projects. Most notably Katsopolis’s new band Hot Daddy and the Monkey Puppets.
Notable Members: Monroe Yoder, Wendy Nespott, Chap Lippman, Flounder
Style: Pop Rock
Essential Listening: Killer Tofu, I Need Mo’ Allowence
After their first single “I Sneezed On My Face” dropped in the mid-nineties, The Beets were an unstoppable force in pop music releasing such modern pop classics as “Where’s My Sock?”, and “You Gotta Shout Your Lungs Out.” Hit after hit resulted in a huge fan base and a declaration of “Beet Mania” by the press. Eventually the band members decided to go their separate ways but not before releasing their masterful final LP, “Let it Beet.” Each of The Beets has now gone on to a solo career leaving fans only dreaming of a reunion.
Notable Members: Charlie Pace, Liam Pace
Style: Pop Rock
Essential Listening: You All (Everybody)
DriveShaft exploded onto the modern music scene in 1999 with their infectious single “You All (Everybody).” That single rose all the way to number one in both the UK and the US. Following the monumental success of their first album, the band experienced a great deal of difficulty in recording a follow-up. When it was finally released “Oil Change” found little popularity with critics or the public. The group disbanded shortly after. Charlie Pace, the band’s bassist and main songwriter, expressed interest in reforming the group in the fall of 2004. Sadly, Pace was among those who died on September 22, 2004 in the crash of Oceanic Flight 815. His death, however, sparked renewed interest for the band. Now, Charlie Pace is widely appreciated as songwriter by the critics and fans who once wrote him off as a one-hit wonder.
Notable Members: Hotblack Desiato
Essential Listening: Only The End Of The World Again
The band Disaster Area is commonly cited as being the loudest band in the universe, and in fact the loudest sound of any kind, anywhere. Their legendary live shows are generally considered to be best when experienced at a safe distance of thirty seven miles away from a well-built concrete bunker. Their most recent shows have featured a segment in which an actual spaceship is crashed into the nearest sun. This stunt resulted in the planet of Kakrafoon being transformed from a harsh desert planet into a tropical paradise. A spokesman for the band commented that it was “a good gig.” The band is currently touring in spite of the fact that photon-ajuitar player Hotblack Desiato is currently spending a year dead for tax purposes.
Notable Members: Jeff Bebe, Russell Hammond
Style: Classic Rock
Essential Listening: Fever Dog, Love Comes and Goes
Hailing from Troy, Michigan, Stillwater is still known as one of the wild and raucous bands of the 1970’s both on-stage and off. After stints opening for such legends as Black Sabbath and the Allman Brothers Band, the group embarked on its now notorious Almost Famous Tour in support of their second album ‘Farrington Road.” Sex, drugs and every other rock ‘n roll excess permeated the tour which culminated in a Rolling Stone cover. The tour also caused tension between the band’s core members Jeff Bebe and Russell Hammond resulting in the band dissolving after only one more album.
Notable Members: Derek St. Hubbins, Nigel Tufnel, Derek Smalls
Style: Heavy Metal
Essential Listening: Sex Farm, Lick My Love Pump, Big Bottom
In the history of rock ‘n roll, there has never been a career more unlikely than that of Spinal Tap. Dubbed “England’s Loudest Band” the group has gained far-reaching popularity unrivaled by its musical contemporaries. This is undoubtedly due to the Marty DeBergi documentary “This is Spinal Tap” which chronicled the group’s 1982 tour which was plagued by band in-fighting and poor ticket sales. Following the film’s release the band’s fan base greatly expanded and the group went on to become one of the most beloved in the history of rock. They recently reunited for a show at Wembley Stadium in London as a part of Live Earth where they unveiled a new song “Warmer than Hell.”