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Every year in virtually every country, crimes go unsolved – and sometimes undetected. When someone commits a crime of this type it is called a perfect crime. This is a list of ten tips to perpetrating the perfect crime. I am sure it doesn’t need to be said, this is not meant as a reference for criminals, but rather as an entertaining look at crime and detection.
1. DNA
DNA is the surest way to prove you committed a crime. It is absolute imperative that you do not leave ANY DNA behind you and that is very difficult. The best solution to this is to commit your crime in a place that is likely to have a lot of DNA from strangers. For example, a park, a mall, anywhere that a lot of people tend to gather. Finding your DNA will be like finding a needle in a haystack.
2. Relationship
The large number of crimes committed are committed by someone close to the victim. The police know this well and they know who to question. Your best bet here is to pick someone as random as the victim. This is especially true if murder is your crime of choice. Don’t be tempted to commit your crime against someone you only know in passing – it must be a total stranger.
3. Proximity
This ties in to point 2 – commit the crime in another town. You don’t want to travel so far that you can be connected because you took a trip – just far enough that you are outside of the main area of interest to the police. You also don’t want to be on the road for hours before the crime as you may become tired, or after the crime as you may still be on the streets when the big investigation begins.
4. Type of Crime
Chose your crime carefully. For example, you are almost certain to get caught if you try to rob a bank. Chose a crime that can be committed in the early hours of the morning or that can be done very discretely during the daytime.
5. Evidence
Most criminals are caught because they tried to hide the crime – what they should have been doing is trying to hide any connection they have to the crime. It doesn’t matter if the police know the crime happened. If your crime involves a gun or weapon of some kind, use it and drop it. Leave it at the scene. If you follow point 7 this will not be a problem. If you kill someone, leave the body there. Do not touch the body at all. Do not move the body and do not try to hide the body. And just in case you haven’t understood that last part – that includes using a vat of acid. If you have stolen something, you need to get rid of it as quickly as possible and if it is money, don’t start spending up large – you will draw attention to yourself.
6. Timing
Timing is everything. The best time to commit a crime is in the very early hours of the day when most people are asleep. If you do follow this instruction, remember that you need to look like you are not out of place on the street. That means no full face coverings. The selected time is important when you come to purchase your tools.
7. Tools
First off, you need good thick gloves. The thin ones are not good enough as they can split and it is possible to leave fingerprints if they are sufficiently thin. Do not use anything you own and do not buy brands you normally buy unless they are very generic brands. This means you need to go shopping. Shop out of town and shop in large department stores where you are less likely to be remembered. Remember: very common brands only. You must pay in cash and you must destroy any receipts, or shopping bags. After the crime is committed, destroy everything you bought as quickly as you can and don’t do it in an obvious way, like having a bonfire in your back yard when you have never done so before. Wait at least one month from buying your goods to committing your crime.
8. Alibi
It is wise to have an alibi – though not essential if you have followed all the other rules. It doesn’t hurt however. One way you can do this is to plan an out of town trip and book your hotel and rental car with your credit card. Sign up for a convention and attend. Try to use a hotel with no cameras. In the early hours travel to the place of your crime, commit it, and return. Enjoy the remainder of your holiday (on your credit card) and return home the next day.
9. The Getaway
If you are committing the crime in the early hours, the best mode of transport is by bike. This will enable you to get off the roads if you need and to travel quickly. You do not want to be seen on the street walking (remember, the Zodiac nearly got caught this way) and you don’t want to be the only car on the street at 2am! Take regular cycle clothes and wear them. In the case of murder, if you have dumped the murder weapon you should not need to worry about evidence if you do get picked up. Wear an iPod and maybe a fresh packet of cigarettes – you can always say you were out getting smokes as you couldn’t sleep.
10. Aftermath
First of all, do not watch the television and avoid the papers. The police can use these as tools to try to psych you out. Avoid these things for at least a month. Do not celebrate in any way – continue about your every day life. Do not brag about your crime to anyone (that includes posting here in the comments!)
One final tip: if you do get arrested, this does not mean you have failed to commit the perfect crime. If this happens, do not speak. The police need evidence to convict you – if you have done the job right, there won’t be any. Don’t help the police with testimony. Remember, the court needs to find you guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. Oh – and if you do get convicted, you might want to read this article on the top 10 tips to surviving prison.
In case you are wondering how I know all this… re-read point 10! Okay, I am kidding. Really.
Technorati Tags: crime
August 16th, 2007 at 9:15 pm
You forgot “Trust No One.” Try to make everything you do a solo act. People cannot be trusted to keep quiet when threatened with jail or something else.
August 16th, 2007 at 9:25 pm
Me: that is true – I presumed that people would assume that from the fact that the entire article was written with one person in mind. Definitely trust no one.
August 17th, 2007 at 2:34 am
im keeping this in my stumbleupon saves…who knows when i’ll need it…right?
August 17th, 2007 at 3:00 am
Kind of funny how this is posted soon after the prison survival tips. Interesting, though.
August 17th, 2007 at 4:26 am
thanks for the pointer about bragging. i know we all have a problem with that in tennessee. you’re at a barbeque, you’ve kicked back a few heinekins, and before you know it: WHOOPSIE!
August 17th, 2007 at 8:57 am
brennan: that is hilarious. It seems to happen every time I am at a bbq as well.
Dan: it seemed fitting
Kyouki: hopefully never
August 17th, 2007 at 7:40 pm
If you used the internet to research your crime online (who whould do that…) don’t forget your ISP keeps records for up to 5 years in the US so use a proxy or Tor and wipe your hard drive 7 times (NSA standard)
August 17th, 2007 at 8:05 pm
Ikon: that is true – thanks for bringing that up. It is probably not even safe to use an anonymizing server. I would suggest going to an Apple Store in the next town to do your research. All Apple stores have full internet on all of their demo machines. You often see people using the Apple Stores as a free internet Cafe.
August 18th, 2007 at 3:03 am
If someone was willing, I think it would be an excellent idea to fake your own death in order to commit your crime.
August 18th, 2007 at 8:38 am
Chris: the only difficulty with this is hiding the evidence of the crime – it would be pretty hard to hide from everyone you know or to remain undetected if you flee the country.
August 19th, 2007 at 3:26 am
The think is that if murder is your crime you most likely have a motive and that motive will make you pretty obvious. I also agree with chris on faking your own death. Might be kind of difficult though.
August 19th, 2007 at 7:40 am
Vicky: that is true for sure – which is probably why most murderers are caught. I plan to do an unsolved murders list at some point.
August 20th, 2007 at 6:12 am
I stole a pack of M&Ms once when i was a kid and got away scott-free!
August 20th, 2007 at 11:21 pm
Just a quick note on the Alibi part, most the hotels that have electronic key cards will have a log of what times the key is used to enter and leave your room so choose a hotel with a regular key. Just make sure not to use this info so you can kill ME!!
August 21st, 2007 at 12:17 am
As many have said, it is true, crime is a solo act. That should be one of the top things in this list; People can’t shut the f*ck up. YOu probabley learned this in High School. YOu tell your friend something private, and WHAM! Comes right back to bite you in the ass.
August 21st, 2007 at 7:47 am
angelat: that is true – you are best using a mom&pop hotel that doesn’t have the new high-tech stuff
Sullivan: I think we all learnt that one at some point. Trust no one! (as our first commenter said).
August 22nd, 2007 at 2:54 pm
God knows all. Everything has a consequence.
August 24th, 2007 at 3:33 pm
If you are comitting a murder if the cops find the gun and ties it to the murderthey can use the serial number and tie it to you sooo scrach off the number!!!!!!!!!!
August 24th, 2007 at 9:21 pm
#11 Do NOT you ever think about Committing a crime.
August 24th, 2007 at 11:43 pm
Sam: I do mention that on the previous article about surviving in prison – but you are right to mention it here too
Thanks.
September 5th, 2007 at 11:10 am
great list!
i found this point very important — Most criminals are caught because they tried to hide the crime – what they should have been doing is trying to hide any connection they have to the crime.
September 26th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
red x:
scratching off the serial number won’t work anymore, they can perform tests on it, kind of like x-raying the metal and it shows stress marks at the microlevel that can identify numbers. Think of writing a letter on a notepad, if you erase it and even tear off the top sheet you can still see the indentations in the lower sheets. same concept here.
October 2nd, 2007 at 1:09 am
throwaways! Throwaway cell phone, gun, clothes
mom n pop motel – bad idea! they’ll remember you. go for midlevel – better than a Motel 6, not a Hilton, find one hosting a convention or football (any sport) fans, get lost in the crowd.
ditto inanytime!!
October 2nd, 2007 at 1:33 am
rae: hmmm, methinks you sound like you are talking from experience! Not breaking rule 10 I hope?
October 20th, 2007 at 10:54 am
Catch up on prison break episodes so if you get caught, you’ll have a plan to break out of prison.
November 3rd, 2007 at 7:29 am
What if someone has had a blood transfusion or a bone marrow transfusion? Since there is the original DNA from the donor, how does this affect the recipient? What kind of DNA would now be in their blood? So, if they were to commit a crime and leave blood at the scene, to whom would they trace the blood? Also, since there is talk of a fat virus or fat gene, if the donor has this then would the recipient now have it? Is it possible for a person receiving a blood transfusion to suddenly gain weight because the donor has some sort of weight problem associated with a virus or gene for weight gain? Could someone get diabetes or lupus this way?
November 3rd, 2007 at 7:29 am
Sorry, I meant to say bone marrow transplant.
November 12th, 2007 at 6:03 am
Well, I read on web that a man falsely accused of crime with DNA proof then it turn out that he had an operation (I think it was bone thingy)
By the way, FBI also misidentified a fingerprint a few years ago.
November 21st, 2007 at 7:21 am
In most of the films, the probability that a finger print found on the CS is the same as yours, is always around 98%, so there is a slight chance that it is someone else’s. After all, we’re with 6,000,000,000 people on the planet, so two identical fingerprints should be possible (or am I wrong?).
November 21st, 2007 at 7:55 am
Ozhan: bone marrow transplant? That is very interesting.
Mathew: it is possible but I don’t have data to verify one way or the other. I guess if two people do share the same print, it is extremely unlikely that they would be on the same print database though.
November 21st, 2007 at 12:27 pm
Not enough to go further commiting a crime
November 26th, 2007 at 10:33 pm
Like in the movies that we all have seen:
- Create a major diversion to send police in the opposite direction while you commit your crime.
- Leave evidence that will shift the blame towards someone else.
- Kill all witnesses and anyone that knows about the crime including your partners.
November 30th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
Mathew: Having done studies into palmistry and criminal justice I know that the only way to have duplicate fingerprints is with identical genetic makeups. Ex: identical twins. However it is possible to have your fingerprint mistaken with someone else’s. Fingerprints are identified by the endings of the ridges and any oddities within a given fingerprint. Thus, if you have around 95% of the same endings of your fingerprint as someone else, for all intents and purposes you have the same fingerprint.
I’d also like to add to the list to do your research. I know a guy who tried to rob an ATM once and, having not done enough research beforehand did not know that ATMs have a safe inside them where all the money is stored, though that should have been obvious.
November 30th, 2007 at 2:30 pm
Mystern: thanks for your comment – it is always really great when someone with expertise in a subject posts here.
December 3rd, 2007 at 1:39 pm
jfrater: I’d hardly call myself an expert, or for that matter really having any expertise. I’ve just taken a few classes on a very broad range of subjects, including palmistry and criminal justice. In retrospect the phrase “Having done studies” is quite misleading. Sorry about that.
December 11th, 2007 at 2:50 am
Cannot be done. You will leave something. A hair, a drop of sweat. If you do this in public, good luck NOT being on camera. ATMs take pictures every second, many streets have cameras on street lights, malls and parks have them.
Unless it’s a bed and breakfast, there will be a camera at the hotel/motel you stay at, even if at the front desk. Can’t buy a gun, gotta register and all that, and depending on the bullet they can narrow the field in what gun fired it, plus they’ll track who might have bought a gun recently.
Picking a random stranger to kill? Well, that is hard to do. You’d have to plan ahead if you want to commit the perfect crime, so you’d have to work out time as well. Good luck finding a victim under ideal conditions.
A bike? That’s even more out of place than a car. If anyone is looking outside, they will wonder why someone is riding a bike at that early hour.
This list…sucks. It won’t help at all. While focusing on what not to do, someone’d do something they should’t have. With DNA and criminal pathologists, sorry, no more perfect crimes.
December 11th, 2007 at 2:54 am
Matt: Sure there is a much greater risk nowadays of being caught with forensics – but a perfect crime does not have to undetectable – it is still a perfect crime if you don’t get caught and lots of crimes go unsolved every year in all countries
December 19th, 2007 at 2:50 am
If you do happen to commit a crime and it isn’t perfect, you might consider reading this sarcastic guide to prison survival:
http://www.voont.com/prison
For example here’s how the guide describes the hole:
The Hole / The Boo Box
You don’t want to go here! If you are very bad the warden will put you in the box. Some examples of what can get you put in the box: Escape attempt, punching another inmate, messing in your pants, sexually assault on yourself or another inmate, kicking another inmate, poking or prodding another inmate with a writing implement, and talking out of turn
interesting no?
December 19th, 2007 at 3:08 am
Ross: that sounds hilarious
December 28th, 2007 at 6:01 am
(english third language)
TOP 5 TIPS
1. CONDOMS yes people latex cover urself in it prevents dna from contaminating crime scene
2. Take hair form someone else and put it at crime scene
3. PSYCHOLOGIST yes see a shrink(btw i have a masters in psychology and im only 20
,even if u get caught ull get a much lighter sentence
4.RESISTANCE – TO THE BLOODY END FIGHT UNTIL UR LAST BREATH
5.cbf send me email and ill send u a proper list with much more detail
January 2nd, 2008 at 11:51 pm
In my experience, blood splatter is the hardest thing to control while still enjoying your crime. Have you ever tried to get blood out of a clown suit? It’s not easy.
January 13th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
We’ll I killed JFK and they still haven’t gotten to me! Oh yeah and that guy Franz Ferdinand, I took him out and didn’t get caught on that one either! Didn’t think I’d start a whole world war over it though. I guess I can just really pick ‘em! Since I am going to retire now as a highly accomplished assassin, I will give you all my secrets. These are TOP SECRET so don’t tell anyone else or do something stupid like post them as a comment on some blog or something. Okay here goes:
1. Use a butter knife or a spork. If they catch you, you can whip out a can of Spam and start eating. Subterfuge rocks!!!
2. Always kill someone who’s name you can spell. Nothing worse trying to remember how to spell Tqumaambiado Biakabatuka. Then again if you do get busted most of the judge and jury members will probably just let you go for doing the world a great service by getting rid of a major spelling inconvenience for all of those airport courtesy phone operators and overworked copy editors. So uh, just scratch that one…
3. Always bring lots of attention to yourself. Everybody hates the guy who just screams “look at me” and they usually don’t give that guy the time of day. Here is what I usually look like: I have purple hair with the left half of my head half shaved, a face full of tattoos, most of which are of Kenny G, Liza Minelli, and Leonardo Di Caprio dressed in drag, very tight pink spandex shorts, and a t-shirt that says “You can’t have manslaughter without laughter!” set in flashing pink LED’s. This outfit exudes ordinary so I’ll obviously need something that will draw attention. I can’t tell you what because then you’d be able to spot me but let’s just say that not everybody has an entire swarm of trained locusts following them through the mall. Get me? Ain’t a person in the world that’ll remember a guy like that!
4. Remember that sometimes it helps to take a little nap before you leave the crime scene so that you’ll be focused and well rested. I always bring along a nice feather pillow so that no matter where you knock that poor soul off at, you can rest in comfort. Another nice tip is that the body will still be fairly warm so it makes for a good snuggle buddy or hand/foot warmer if it gets a little chilly. Worked for Luke Skywalker on Hoth, it’ll work for you here. And remember, the colder it is, the fatter the victim. You don’t want to turn into an ice cube because you killed some Karen Carpenter looking chick.
5. Bring condoms with you so if you off a really hot chick you can check her out real well after you waste her. And really how dead is dead? I mean if she was alive only a few minutes ago then it’s not really necrophilia, at least not until she gets all stiff and stinky and stuff so you have at least a good 15 or 20 minutes to enjoy yourself and show her what you’re all about. Good way to practice those tough Kama Sutra moves too.
Well just some advise from a seasoned professional to keep you all at the top of your game. Happy Hunting!
January 19th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
ROTFLMAO
Fidel: one word WOW
thanks for the tips i’ll let you know if it works
January 24th, 2008 at 1:40 am
I suggest commiting your crimes near a body of water. Wear a wetsuit and stash an air tank nearby. The wetsuit will help keep most of the DNA from being left at the scene, such as hair. Just make sure you leave your flippers with the air tank as they are hard to run in. After you do whatever it is you plan to do make a dash for the water, picking up the air tank on the way, and dive in to make your escape.
February 1st, 2008 at 11:29 pm
This is a great list. Watch out x-wife!!
February 15th, 2008 at 1:50 am
For murder -
Kill people that wont be missed or reported missing, ie homeless and drifters.
Have a surefire way of disposing bodies – ie acid or burning
Never follow a pattern – kill a black woman with a knife, a white man with a gun, an indian transsexual with a harp…etc.
Don’t stay in one area – the larger the area you encompass, the less likely your crimes are to be linked.
March 6th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
For murder a person with a link to you, do this:
1- Use a knife.
2- Have a secure way to enter his home.
3- Use plastic in order to cover your clothes, totally.
4- Use clothes to cover all your body.
5- Kill fast.Don’t give time to the victim scream.
6- Kill everyone in the home.
7- Burn your shoes and the plastic.But do this in your home.
8- The best time to kill is around 3 A.M.
9- Have a secure way to escape the house.
10- Put DNA of various different people in the home, along with yours and the police will see it have been planted.
11- Caution with the floor, is for this reason you have burned your shoes.
March 6th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
guilherme.kinni: OJ – is that you?!
March 19th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
this list is creepy… the being said, well put together. just in case i ever decide to murder someone (not so much), i’ll let you know how it goes, ROTFL!!!!!!!!
March 23rd, 2008 at 10:32 pm
“Put DNA of various different people in the home, along with yours and the police will see it have been planted.”
That’s the worst advice ever.
March 24th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
It’s funny to think that dumb people generally commit crimes and smart people don’t. instead they make lists on the internet on how to commit them.
hmmmm tempted to be dumb though…..
April 7th, 2008 at 10:11 am
Fingerprints will NOT be the same on identical twins…their DNA will be same, but not their prints.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fingerprint
April 13th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Hey guys police are stupid !
they are not C.S.I , they won’t go and search all this and do this and do that they are so lazy lmao you can commit a crime right under there nose and they won’t even notice that
April 19th, 2008 at 3:52 am
Well I’ve been getting away with all those WMDs I’ve hidden in Iraq, Saddam was just a patsy.. A patsy I tell you Ha ha haaa!
April 30th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
wow u ppl suck dont kill anyone i was looking on here for a crime cene project
May 3rd, 2008 at 9:50 pm
firstly, fingerprints are not caused by your genes.
they are caused by chemical reactions in the womb and as such twins will usually have extremely different prints, with prints being random and all.
if you really want to confuse the police you can easily make fake prints using a computer, an inkjet printer, wood glue and a bit of time. if you re-print an image over the top of itself it will sink deeper into the page, making indents. apply the wood glue to this and allow to set. then remove the paper either by ripping and scrubbing or just desolving in water. and there you have it, apply some oil from your own hands and you have an oily fingerprint. you can even take them from the victim if you have enough time.
second, most electronic lock systems have a very simple flaw, they only record card swipes. exiting does not require this, so you can exit at any time of the night, then sneak in through an alternate enterance to the front foyer, leave again through the front foyer, to be seen by the bell boy or such similar person, then return after heading to shops or some such thing. this leaves you with someone saying they saw you leaving your room, when they in fact only saw you leave the hotel, and usually some video camera proof.
another thing to remember is that people will generally accept a minor bad in the place of a major, so ‘you killed him, didn’t you?’ can be answered with ‘no way, i went out with a few friends and had a few cones. i cant really remember much of that night but i had a fair bit to drink too.’ works especially well for younger people, under 18 in most countries, 21 in US.
May 8th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
this is sick
May 20th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Looks like the idea is in everyone’s head… Does anyone wonder if things would be better if there were a lot less people in the world?
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Less people in the world? That’s less people to kill, rob and abuse! Why would you want that? Lol.
Perfect crimes are few and far between, you really have to plan this shit out, I’m not talking about stealing a mars bar from the corner shop.
If it’s money your after, old ladys are your best bet, most collect pensions on monday mornings, they can’t do fuck all. DNA is not so much of an issue as police will not go into too much effort as long as you don’t commit in the same area repeated. Dress like a particular group, wear a tracksuit and a hoody up with dark glasses, all she can say was he was quite tall with a hoody and tracksuit bottoms. Police will get nowhere. Good luck guys.
x
June 9th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
>>>if you really want to confuse the police you can easily make fake prints using a computer, an inkjet printer, wood glue . . .
Indeed, I’m confused already!
June 9th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
Good Lawyer/dumb jury
Think :OJ
June 26th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
I heard of a guy who was caught when he told a TV psychic something only he would know – that he had committed a crime.
July 3rd, 2008 at 5:04 am
excellent guide
July 16th, 2008 at 11:58 pm
The only way to get away from crime is to crime again and again until nobody touches you, come on is that not what the politicians do. And since once a crime u r a criminal so it does not matter how many crimes you do.
July 29th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
IS this really sick or what??
July 31st, 2008 at 12:31 am
Now if there’s a perfect crime somewhere we have a couple of suspects
…but I bet the bastard would just read and not post here if he is that smart…hehe.
August 4th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
such OF FUELS AND CRIMINALS DICOSTING AMERICANs U DONT HAVE TO KILL PEOPLE JUST LIV IN PEACE COZ THIS IS NOT RIGHT N U KNOW WHAT THEIR’S NO PERFECT CRIME THE POLICE WILL CATCH U EVEN AFTER 20 years believe me n ,then think of god n think of family of the person that u’r gonna kill. oh my god !!!!!u’r talking about killin peoole like ur talkin about killin insects
August 4th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
As an American, I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we do not generally take an argument seriously if it is not meticulously spell-checked, proofread for grammar, and then given a once-over for general jack-assery. You failed on all three conditions. Good day, sir.
August 10th, 2008 at 4:29 am
Some of this made me laugh and some made me cringe (ie that you would think of murdering random people). What the f… are you turkeys smoking?
August 13th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
i disagree wif get rid of the murder weapon as if found it will provide police with a valuable clue and can be used to trace u in many ways, i’d say keep it with u but hide it sumwer and if police suspect u then get rid of it sumwer wer it will be nearly impossible to find such as out at sea
August 17th, 2008 at 11:32 am
No wonder everytime I watch tv it is about crimes of murders. Damn there are a bunch of low lifes. Not smart enough to just commit a crime for money unless murder is involved. Sheesh this world is dumb
August 28th, 2008 at 8:19 am
Here’s a tip for the people who responded in a shocked fashion: Get a sense of humour.
PS: There is no god.
August 28th, 2008 at 11:18 am
What a useful list.
August 28th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
the way to commit a truly perfect crime is to hire some one to do it and then kill them
September 13th, 2008 at 11:04 pm
Kill a rapper on a busy street, loaded with CCTV, Tupac, for instance – no one will ever really try to investigate.
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Good God, are you people serious or are you so addled by video games and total self-absorption that you don’t realize the implications of what you’re sharing here ? And for #72…there are some things that will never be funny and yes, there is a God. You get the final, definitive word on that, perhaps, after one of the soul-less people who think this list is cool breaks into your house rapes your wife and kids and then blows your head off. The truth will then be revealed…
September 23rd, 2008 at 4:39 am
Where I live you dont even have to bother with all these precautions. Even if you’re caught red handed you just find a friend to pay your bail and bribe a few corrupt policemen to get rid of the evidence. Crime is horrible, but unfortunately its part of life and must be dealt with. The best thing to do is to protect yourself and your family against it and hope and pray it never happens to you.
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:59 pm
haha this is funny if ur trying to commit a crime and ur reasearching in this website “You have alrdy been cought”!!
September 28th, 2008 at 1:38 am
Guys, you forgot one thing….A cellphone, you carry it everywhere you go, and network operators can pinpoint the location of your phone at anytime.
Also do not use a car fitted with a tracking device, the same applies to a bike.
If you are going to commit murder, you need to plan very well, don’t get excited to the idea that you have a target, for instance you can get an unregistered sniper rifle, lay-low for 5-8 years before using it, take time to asses your targets, say 6-12 months, studying their activities. Draw up a list of what can get you caught, then device ways to get around that.
October 12th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
If you kill someone you don’t know you actually have a great chance at getting away with it. People think that these days everyone gets caught and convicted? Come on. Most districts don’t even have the resources for a proper CSI team. Turn off the tv. Thousands of murders go unsolved in the US alone every year.
And anything can be funny, as long as the joke is clever
October 18th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Another tip:
Although the CSI shows are informative, they’re not entirely accurate. Especially when they can get DNA results in 2-3 minutes (or even less!!), but in real life it’s a much longer wait. Plus most CSIs aren’t quite as observant as the characters portrayed on TV. Calleigh Duquesne can pick out minute details at EVERY crime scene, but most CSIs aren’t quite like that. Yes, very observant, but not superhuman. (My fiance and I love to watch CSI:Miami for it’s blatant mistakes and melodrama) Plus it seems that TV CSIs seem to break protocol left and right, especially on CSI:Miami!!
So even though our technology and training have made committing the perfect crime way less likely that it was 10-15 years ago, remember that CSI and crime dectection isn’t what it’s being portrayed as on TV either, except by shows like The First 48, Crime 360 and so on.
And yes, just about anything can be funny. And people have a dark side. Everyone does.
October 26th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
im writing a paper on committing the perfect crime, and i chose grand theft auto but i need to know what tools i would have to use ?!
November 1st, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Use a very2 sharp ice. Of course it takes time to “craft” this weapon (a day at least). And then you can just throw it on the street or sewer and voila! Your weapon disappear!
November 2nd, 2008 at 8:04 pm
This is one hell of a disturbing list.
November 8th, 2008 at 4:13 am
Niki, grand theft auto is one of the worst crimes I can think of, in terms of not getting caught. There are trip points all over that situation. Like how do you break into a car these days? Cars have complicated locks and alarms. Ignition is a whole different problem. And how would you go about selling it? I wouldn’t even know how to go about stealing a car. It’s by far the hardest thing to steal.
The best crime to commit is murder, because if you do it right, there is zero contact with the outside world, and you’re killing the only person who might expose you.
Other than that, cat burglary is easy enough. You can do some recce, find out when the people in the house aren’t home during the week, break in through the back door, take only what you can sell, then leave.
It’s got a high risk factor, but it’s better odds than most other crimes.
You’re running a gauntlet if you decide to break the law, and you’re not going to have good odds, you have to accept that. But it’s possible to get away with crimes. Most of the criminals who are sent to jail are in the lower bracket of IQ tests, which gives us an idea that if you’re intelligent, you have a fair chance of escaping the legal system.
The best point i saw on that list was the one about not bragging. It’s the one trip point which professional criminals can’t resist falling over. I mean, what’s the point of committing the most elaborate crime in your states history if you can’t tell anybody about it?
I guess O J Simpson has the right idea.
November 8th, 2008 at 5:24 am
One other thing while I’m here. There is a principle in the security world called Kerckhoffs’ principle. It states that at every stage where you are trying to keep a secret, it creates a potential trip up point. For example, if you’re committing a crime and your car gets photographed at the crime scene, how do you explain that?
Kerckhoffs’ principle states that if a secret is ever discovered, it shouldn’t be fatal to the rest of the operation. So you should always have some kind of an excuse for doing what you’re doing or being where you are.
I know of an example by a Scottish thief who entered somebodies house via the back door while the owner was still home. Naturally the owner freaked out. But the thief kept his cool and said “Hi, I’m billy. Jill told me to let myself in. I’m here to collect the spare mattress”
That sewed the seeds of doubt into the owners mind, and he ended up just thinking there was a big mistake and it was all an innocent foul up. Later the thief was caught selling stolen items, and that’s how the story came out.
My point is that you should never, ever be in a position where you have to admit that you committed a crime. Whether it’s just saying that you killed that guy in self-defense, or you’re being framed. Anything is better than leaving no doubt that you deserve to be punished. Because remember, you need to be proven beyond reasonable doubt that you did the deed.
Summary: Always have a reason for doing what you’re doing. Look like you belong, even if you don’t. People are fairly trusting as a rule; they don’t expect you to be doing anything wrong- their natural reaction is to judge what they see on surface value. If you’re dressed like a gardener, a neighbor isn’t going to assume you’re a criminal walking across somebody’s front lawn. Always remember that you’re performing for an audience that may or may not be looking (hint: assume that they’re looking). And remember, never ever forget, that nothing you get caught doing should endanger the rest of the operation.
November 12th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
I cant not believe that there a website like this.What about the people that will lose their lives totrash like this ? What about the kids that get their hands on this? My God do you fuckin idiots have any cluetowhat your are doing ? Do you not have a conscience? This is crazy … yes Iam all for freedom of speech but I sdont think that’s what our founding father’s where thinking of when they gave us this right !
November 17th, 2008 at 6:48 am
You guys are all idiots! If you’re going to talk about this sh*t, it should only be with someone you actually can count on, and in PERSON. My God, any one of you could be an undercover cop!
hot:You’re absolutely right. Don’t you think these freaks need to get a reality check?
November 17th, 2008 at 6:55 am
Hey, whoever is yhe webmaster here, if I can find you, I will. Scum like you don’t scare me. I don’t want trouble, I just want to know why you’d give advice on how to kill someone and why. Maybe you need some professional help. That goes for all of you f*cked up psychos.
November 17th, 2008 at 7:21 am
Thanks Anarchist. But I stand by my statement. You don’t mention what to do about the alarm, or where/how to sell the car, or move it around without being caught by the police.
It’s a lot more simple to break into a home and take things such as jewelry, which is far more generic and ambiguous than a car. You can conceal it, move it easily and to an extent sell it far more easily than other items.
I’m not saying that you can’t steal cars, I’m saying that there are other more viable options for the “perfect crime” scenario.
November 17th, 2008 at 8:40 am
I’d like to converse with the f*cked up Froot Loop WebMaster here please.
November 17th, 2008 at 8:45 am
Hey FREAKS! I’m not going to let this go. There are ways to track you all down. I already know that whoever created this f*cked up site is in the Mountain time zone in the U.S. I’m onto you like lights on a Christmas tree,l you b@$t@rd$.
November 17th, 2008 at 8:48 am
I’d like some pointers on how to pull off a simple but believable fake ID. Can any of you guys help me?
November 17th, 2008 at 10:58 am
for the trollz posting comments and not taking the time to familiarize themselves w/ this site or its community or taking this list much too seriously…
chill out!
so sez Cyn the admin. which if you’d bothered checking out the site you’d not only already know that, you’d posted much more intelligent and contributory comments.
November 17th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Is anonymous2 serious? Can’t be. Well, could be, I’ve learned never to underestimate the stupidity one can come across on the world wide web. So, on the assumption that he or she is serious, I give you a list of my own as to why you are an idiot. First of all, if you think listverse is the only place on the internet where conversations occur concerning illegal activities then you are sadly mistaken. Second, most of the comments are tongue-in-cheek and not meant to be taken seriously. Third, talking about how to commit crimes is not a crime. Fourth, undercover “cops” are probably spending more time trying to catch child sex predators and terrorists in questionably themed chatrooms then on LISTVERSE.com Fifth, if this website is throwing you for a loop then you are probably a twelve year old whose parents have cranked up the content filter to maximum strength and whose preivous webbrowsing experience consists of visits solely to neopets.com Sixth, if you think trying to track down anyone posting comments on this list is the best way to go about creating a safer world you are a moron. Seventh, get a sense of humor. Eighth, get a brain, get a life and get your diaper changed.
November 18th, 2008 at 5:41 am
HollowTheory: Will you change it for me?
November 20th, 2008 at 5:45 am
My apologies for what my son posted. Rest assured, he will be subjected to some heavy duty grounding. HollowTheory: Yes, my son is 12 years old, and yes, he found a way to gain access to the this site: at school. I have notified the school after I saw what my son had cut and pasted to a word document onto the family’s shared USB drive. Again, my apologies.
November 24th, 2008 at 2:22 am
Hm, I was thinking about the ‘Do not trust anyone’ bit. It’s kind of strange, but Catholic Priests…you can tell them. They can not and will not tell cops. And if they do said cops are not allowed to use said information within the case, especially if it was said within a confessional.
It’s very strange how that works, I thought it was honestly funny, kind of like Lawyers have to take things to the grave too, otherwise all of there cases can be blown open…
I dunno, but if you commit a crime you can tell a priest at a confessional and be assured the information you give them can’t be used. Though they might try talking you into turning yourself in.
November 25th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
Curious thoughts, you’re quite right in saying that Priests and lawyers can’t give evidence in the court of law. But if you’ve killed somebody they might well go and tell a police officer, breaking their vows. If this happens, the officer can’t take the evidence to a judge and say that it’s proof.
That being said, it doesn’t matter if the police can use the information or not. If they believe that you’re the killer because a priest told them so, that may be the only lead they have. Meaning that they might look for other evidence to back up the priests claim, when previously they had no reason to search because they had no reason to believe that you were implicated. They might start following you, looking through security tapes for you, whatever. The best advice you could get would be to never ever trust anybody, because anything could happen with that information.
December 1st, 2008 at 12:01 am
I’m 15 and I know more than this fool. FUCK THERE IS SO MUCH MORE YOU NEED FOR THE PREFECT CRIME, NUMBER 11 : Know all you can about the victim(s) (Where they live, where they work, what scares them, what they can’t stand, people they may know, ect.) , WITHOUT ever coming in contact with them. NUMBER 12 : Don’t ever breathe onto or around the bodies, the mosture of you saliva transfers into the air, and can wind up in the crime scene. NUMBER 13 : Don’t buy a weapon, come on, you realize thats how a a lot of people get caught, if you buy a gun, wait long before you commit the crime, and don’t let anyone know you own a gun, people ask you, simply say no, sawed off gun work wonderfuly, and you can even get special bullets made, but wait until a long time afterwards! These speical bullets are made with less gun powder, making a noise, that is like a silencer, doing less damage, but can still kill. NUMBER 14 : Don’t take pictures, if you do, don’t touch them, and make sure you have your own dark room. Don’t have any of this info on your computer, AT ALL, it goes into your HARDDRIVE!! NUMBER 14 : Don’t bring friends along, do your crimes yourself, or you have a really high chance of being ratted out, don’t trust anyone. NUMBER 15 : I LOVE WHAT HOLLOWTHEORY SAID TO THAT 12 YEAR OLD!! HAHA
December 1st, 2008 at 12:06 am
Haha, and there is more, of course.
December 1st, 2008 at 12:23 am
Also, might be fun to take blood, or hair from someone you have killed before, and place it at the crime scene, haha, good luck figuring that one out.
December 9th, 2008 at 4:35 am
The best way to escape getting noticed is to disguise. Wear artificial beard and hair.
December 10th, 2008 at 5:03 am
And use a rent-a-car which is very ordinary and has no identifiable signs or dents. Use a fake name plate becz if you hide your car’s name plate, you’ll get noticed or worse, picked up.
December 10th, 2008 at 8:10 am
Besides the ability to commit a perfect crime, one has to think about making more out of it if not for anything then just to feel more “asshole”, which is necessary if one is serious in being a good criminal.
One idea is to get a term life insurance, which has reduced premiums and then kill someone who looks a little like you, kill the asshole, take off his clothes and put on yours, maybe use acid or fire to further disguise the identity, make sure you put your wallet or address so that they can “recognize” you and enjoy the money!
I’m really afraid this website is a secret governmental project to nab would be criminals?
December 10th, 2008 at 8:27 am
OMG: Best way is to “help” someone who has access to people’s IDs and then steal one. Be creative.
December 11th, 2008 at 7:25 am
im in the 10th grade and im using this for a research paper. haha
December 11th, 2008 at 8:14 am
The complexity of this issue proves that committing a crime is not easy and we should appreciate the genius of criminals! I mean in a British article, they said terrorists are something like pressure groups so they don’t kill. The 9/11 has mistakenly called those “inadequate criminals” as terrorists, which they are not.
So a criminal maybe an asshole but he deserves a slightly more respect than a coward terrorist who hasn’t enough brains to escape the consequences of his act except through suicide.
Shouldn’t we be teaching the contents of this forum in schools? Just kidding.
December 11th, 2008 at 9:03 am
*makes note of IP, sets investigation into motion*
j/k
really ya’ll need to lighten up in this list comment section..hell, all lists comment sections. this is just a website.
December 11th, 2008 at 9:36 am
True Anarchist: I’m really afraid of drifting into another topic but this site is about a perfect crime and terrorist suicidal attacks may get listed here, which I think they shouldn’t, as I think listing suicide as a way to perfect a crime would not be fair.
On the other hand, it was surprising and even shocking for me to learn recently how westerners understand Islam better than Muslims. I have had a particularly difficult time with Islam and whenever I tried to discuss its flaws, my teachers would rebuke me and my friends would call me delusionist. The terrorism is not a new face of Islam, it was there right from the beginning when Muhammad, peace be upon him, ordered his generals to attack any community that didn’t establish Islamic prayers, among other things.
So should we or should we not consider suicide as a sure & easy way to perfect crime? What is a Perfect Crime, after all?
December 12th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Girls, girls, you’re BOTH pretty
December 12th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
rofl
December 21st, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Hmm…..
This may be a good idea.
I might even use this some day in the not too distant future.
December 27th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
Interesting, because the author should probably spend a little less time watching CSI type crime shows and try actually working in the field of catching those who commit crimes. The problem with CSI type shows are that they are not based in reality. They invent technology or greatly exaggerate it to fit into a 1 hour show. Those of us who actually do that type of work now how fake it is. For example, the author mentions a few points that are not completely accurate. For example, point number one, DNA… yes, you will be convicted if you leave, or pick up dDNA, but DNA is only one type of trace evidence, fingerprints, fibers, hair, ballistics, etc.. are just as good as DNA, it’s just that CSI type shows hype DNA so everyone things about it. To me a fingerprint is just as good.
Also, point # 4 “For example, you are almost certain to get caught if you try to rob a bank…” Clearly the author knows nothing about investigating robberies. They have a very low “clearance rate” (police term for % of solved crimes. In fact most bank single bank robberies are never solved. What are easier to catch are habitual bank robbers. And that goes against the authors point #2.
Point 5 discusses evidence but you notice there is not mention of “computer” evidence. For example, anyone searching for “ the perfect crime” on the internet on their home computer has just sealed their fate. Now me, I won’t be committing any crimes in the near future so I’m not worried, but if you are, well you’d better destroy your computer because you just left a huge evidence trail for LE.
My point here is that the problem is that when committing a crime you just cant think of everything. It’s best to not do it in the first place because the consequences are so bad. The only advice I’d give is that a perfect crime needs to factor in getting caught. For example, if you rob a bank for a million dollars and are able to hide the money. If you get caught and spend 10 years in jail but get the hidden money when you get out… was it worth it?
January 2nd, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Hey wouldn’t it be a good idea to commit a crime really early in the morning (and quietly or where you won’t be heard be ANYONE) on the same day trash gets taken out so that you can just get rid of the clothes you wore (as long as they were clothes from some common place where they can’t be traced back to you) and anything else you used becuase probably by the time the police or anybody gets there, all of your evidence will be wherever they take all the trash so they won’t be able to trace it back to your house?
Just thought that if I ever did that it would be a good idea, but I’m not wuite sure….
January 5th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
I looked up “the perfect crime”. It’s a play rofl. So I guess that blows that theory out….I did however look up the most profitable crime earlier…..I was curious, not like i’m heading out to pick up a stash so I can start dealing drugs. I just dont think that google searches should be counted as evidence.
January 8th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
to number 79 “WrongU”. Are you fucked in the head? Are you smoking so much meth that you’re getting all paranoid? Is the government after you too guy?? Nobody is tracking the exact pinpoint of your cell phone dude. There are 6000000000+ people in the world and more than 1/2 got cell phones, so how does the CIA or anybody have the ability to track each and every cellphne, who owns it, where they are etc.?
And to the retard who calls himself anonymous2. Why the fuck didn’tyou stay anonymous after HollowTheory chewed your a$$ out? Dude you sounded like a PMSing homo before he even said anything to you. You already know the mastermind of the site is in MST zone? NOT hard to figure out…but do you know how big this time zone is? I’m in Alberta, Canada and in it. This dude could be anywhere directly south. You’re an idiot. This site is merely here for people who wanna talk about crime but don’t have the balls to do it themselves, that being said, let the Posers pose. Let them think they’re cool
January 11th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
I suppose if you wanted to make as much evidence as possible you could go to a barber and scatter lots of other peoples hair and stuff over the floor
January 11th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
it’s just not ok to commit crime because of how much you hurt the other person. but it’s interesting to research it. some people who posted are truly sick
January 12th, 2009 at 1:16 am
hahahaha…Just watch the show DEXTER and you will get some tips although..there making the show and they know the skill.
January 12th, 2009 at 1:17 am
OBAMA………………………..
January 12th, 2009 at 1:18 am
he is awesome
January 12th, 2009 at 1:19 am
wait why am I saying this on this website..ppl might think you know what….let me stop…OBAMA ROXX..
January 20, 2009…..
January 19th, 2009 at 3:37 am
Hey why don’t you tell them how to be a more effective psycho and baby killer as well.
You dicks, I hope that you guys are victims of the guys you teach. Serve you a lesson.
January 30th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Id like to add that when you do commit a crime, destroy or burn all items that were on you at the time. Do not discard them, they can be found. Also, car tracks are a problem. Maybe it would be smart to change your tires after you commit a crime if you used a car. Also, sneakers. You don’t want to leave tracks behind. Discard them in a way that makes them unrecognizable. It might also be wise to wear something that prevents your hair from falling out. Commiting a crime is real difficult…
February 1st, 2009 at 3:35 pm
If you’re looking for a gun you can always buy one at a Gun Show. Random people bring their guns to these conventions and sell them to other gun enthusiasts for cash while inside the convention. Completely untraceable to you. And definitely just drop the gun after using it. Just like in The Godfather.
February 6th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
ok, but that guy will probably remember you, what u need to do is get a kitchen knife and stab in their head.
don’t listen to hotel part. just say u were at home while your wife was shopping, and leave house without any1 noticing you.
a hotel can make you a suspect, because what are possibilities of going to hotel for 1 night, and the same day someone who you know gets killed, huh?
fast tips: go out, kill, come back and have a can of beer.
February 10th, 2009 at 9:17 am
The guy won’t remember you if you go there disguised with wrong color contact lenses, hair dye or artificial wig, etc. This same technique can be used to hide your outing from home or hotel and yes, do care to enjoy a can of beer after your successful perfect crime.
February 11th, 2009 at 1:37 am
the thing curious thoughts said about priests is not entirely true, actually. a priest can, and SHOULD, go to the police to divulge a crime they have knowledge of. country to country, maybe even state to state the laws of whether or not that can be a legal confession probably differs, but it can be used to track you down.
for instance, if you commit a murder, but are found innocent, you could still be charged for an assortment of other crimes involved, so long as they were not brought up along with the original charge. that same act could be charged with other crimes: breaking and entering, owning an unlicensed firearm, breaking paroles and probations. a confession to a priest may not get you put away by itself, but could well lead to being put away for something else, or investigated.
just dont tell people.
February 11th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
Very useful list.
But if i were to commit a murder, which could happen i guess, sociopathic tendencies aren’t a weak point for me haha. I would want it to be public. Not meaning that i would want to get caught; just that I wouldn’t destroy the body. I would want the murder to be found. Not necessarily for the attention of being the killer, but for the attention of the killed. To commit a brutal crime, and everyone to know about it, just so people can see how fucked up this world can really be.
I guess what I’m trying to say was best summed up in a quote from the film Se7en.
“Wanting people to listen, you can’t just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you’ll notice you’ve got their strict attention. “
February 18th, 2009 at 10:11 pm
Perfect crimes take a lot of planning. Most of the posts on here have very interesting comments and tips for the perfect crime. With that being said, it must also be pointed out that the tips alone will not help you get away. First of all, a lot of the angles posted here are from only one angle. Some rational minds posted from a variety of angles attempting to combine them. Still yet, no one has looked from outside the box. Most are geared too much on the specifics that they forget the big picture. I agree that the tips posted on this site are helpful and most should be used; however, as I have mentioned already, the tips will only guide you in the right direction. Common sense and a little bit of luck will fill in the rest of the gaps.
And I just find it interesting that some think that they are experts. Yet they provide information that is false and is not backed by proper research. Lack of information is a big downfall. Knowing that facts will aid you in the commission of your crime.
Everyone is entitled to their opinions. I encourage that people debate the tactics and challenge them; but one should do so in an intelligent fashion. Simply stating “I believe that … ” does not qualify as an intelligent answer. Providing research or literature to support your claim will ensure that you will be taken seriously. And it should be noted that support should derived from a reliable source.
With that being said, remember that every crime is different. No two crimes are the same. Each event is surrounded by different variables and scenarios. Therefore there is no clear and evident answer to committing the perfect crime. What works one time may not work the next. Every crime is situational, so use your common sense and hope you get lucky.
Disclaimer:
I do not condone acting upon this information, nor do I believe that it should be used for criminal activity. It is my intentions only to debate this topic for informational and entertainment purposes. I support the claim that “to catch a criminal, you must think like a criminal”. That being said, I believe this topic/forum provides a means to critically analyze potential thought processes of criminals.
February 21st, 2009 at 6:35 am
Lol who knows when i’ll need this.
March 7th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
lol i love this i noticed when i searched google on “how to” this was in the top 10 right atound Suicide when all i really wanted to do was tie a tie so i decided to click that was interesting i’m sure i won’t need any of your spectacular advice in this lifetime but i had fun reading it.
then just for kicks i searched “how to commit murder and get caught by the cops for searching it on my computer” and this was first in line too hahahaa ahh i love it uh oh looks like i better head for the hills the cops might be at my door tommorow ah well
good night folks
March 22nd, 2009 at 6:15 pm
sure way to walk away from a crime. ….. hire OJ’s jury..
March 27th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
I find the LEO’s comments interesting. I lack the same practical experience, but to me several hitherto unmentioned things seem significant.
Confidence. Act with confidence, like what you are doing is natural. This is most significant when lying, of course, because nervousness is the first sign people look for when trying to decide if someone is lying. Confident lying will usually get you past the preliminary suspicion and keep you from ever being interrogated more carefully. However, acting with confidence is important in situations other than face-to-face discussion; this is why pathological and serial killers can be among the most difficult to catch. Someone assertive, confident and genial (not an asshole) can do even unusual things without being noticed, just because you seem to be confident in your reason for doing it. This ties in a lot with what Old_Cat and the others said, but it is a distinct point.
There have been lots of comments about looking up lists like these being incriminating evidence, and having done so implying that you’re as good as caught. This is only true in one situation: you’re already a suspect. The fact that I’ve posted on this website will not make me a suspect in a random murder on the other side of the country; but if something occurs in the investigation of a murder that connects police to me (victim knew me, hairs left near the scene linked to me and x many others, etc.) THEN research into my activity will occur. If you can commit a crime and succeed in evading LE’s suspect list, it doesn’t matter how much research you did online (or in a library or wherever). Bragging online, however, would definitely count.
Also, the label “perfect crime” is misleading. It implies that this is something significant; however, far more perfect crimes are committed than imperfect ones. The discussion so far has treated “crime” as referring only to significant felonies, not minor misdemeanors. However, speeding and internet piracy are crimes. (According to hearsay:) In the state of Washington it’s illegal to paint polka dots on the American flag, and in Houston, TX, it is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday.
This leads to my next point. Slip your crime under the radar, to the extent possible. If you’re going to rob a bank, do it when you know the local cops are busy controlling a riot downtown, running stings on a local drug bust, and chasing someone who stole a semi full of volatile chemicals and is headed downtown at high speed. If you’re going to commit a murder, murder a member of a local gang–someone the cops would assume was killed by a rival gang in a street fight (obviously, this has the consequence of you being hunted by the offended gang, but generally escaping a gang is far easier than escaping law enforcement). If you’re going to park in a handicap spot without a permit, park in a van with a roof carriage rather than in a sports car.
Also, “victimless” crimes are generally easiest to commit. If you hack into your school and improve your grade, the school will care about the crime and fight back. However, back when sodomy was a crime in a number of states, if two consenting adult males had sex they probably weren’t going to get caught and prosecuted for it if they did so in the privacy of their own bedroom. Current analogies include reading censored material and using illegal drugs (although trafficking and carrying, both “victimless” crimes, are frequently prosecuted, its not hard to get away with drug use in the privacy of your own home). Before someone gets carried away, I feel I should point out that the victim of tax evasion is the IRS, and it’s not the kind of victim that lets crimes against it go unprosecuted.
March 31st, 2009 at 8:46 am
Wow that’s one of the best things I have read on the internet for along time. But I ended up skimming through a lot as it seemed it was all about murder! Any chance of getting any pointers on just breaking into warehouse at 3am stuff to steal small but valuable items! I know I have watched too much TV but I have tried every thing in life from attractive women, doing a degree and working very hard in different industries. But now I’m very bored and very poor and before I commit suicide coz I can’t stand this perfectic life that doesn’t matter how hard I try I suppose I should at least try the CAT burglar idea and if it goes wrong I could just die in prison!!!
March 31st, 2009 at 5:46 pm
This is Cool Shit.
April 1st, 2009 at 8:23 am
I would like to agree with Dr. Lecter on the subject of confidence and gang members.
Now, I am not the type of individual to endorse crime, I’m the kind of person who likes to solve complex problems. After watching too much CSI and being presented with a highly fictional and much better functioning version of the law, I decided to craft my own perfect crime based off of these observations. This list is highly similar to what I came up with.
Mine went something as follows:
1) Planning:
you must plan your crime alone, and on nothing but your own brain, or single sheets of paper. and after you plan on paper, immediately dispose of it. its best to keep all your plans in your head, do not do anything on any form of computer or phone. that is stupid. keep it to yourself.
2) The Victim:
ideally you want to find a victim who is in no way connected to you who is likely to be found dead in an alley, a gang member is a good example. Now, someone mentioned that most murders are for a reason, this is true, if you are going to murder someone just because some sick piece of you desires the power of life and death, its best to pick a random individual. If you are a member of middle-class america go victim hunting in a poor urban area, if you can, try to kill a homeless person, but not a child. Dont kill children people care too much about them. Homeless people are perfect murder victims, especially if the happen to enjoy living in areas with high gang activity. Dont live anywhere near your victim, seriously. and if it is a homeless person, dont ever EVER talk to them. you have to have really thought this out. dont talk to anyone else about them either, you dont want anyone to know you give a shit about this homeless guy, which you shouldnt because you are about to kill him.
3. Make your alibi
someone before mentioned bed and breakfasts. that would be a good idea if they were not so small. As mentioned before, buy a trip with your credit card. A good idea would be, if you are doing this in an urban area, take a cab ride somewhere far from your murder and use your credit card.
where are we so far? so far you have decided, alone, that you want to taste the power over life and death, you live in either upstate new york, new jersy, or connecticut and you go to the city all the time for business, this is not unusual for persons living in your area, and thusly are completely normal, you live alone, have a mid wage job, and are not particularly anti social, but do not have any close friends to speak of. you work in downtown manhattan. you decide your victim should be a homeless person, so you start your search under the ruse that you started jogging central park, which you have to be doing for months before the crime, all your coworkers must know by now that you are an avid jogger and that you love jogging around central park, like thousands of new yorkers. you dont slow when you get near anyone, even if you found the perfect homeless guy. you just go at your normal pace and keep a mental note of how often you see the guy there. make sure you run with other people, not as a friendly thing, but as a sort of timing thing, make sure that the day of your murder people see you jogging in your normal way, and make sure people see you behaving completely normally, nothing about you has changed since the months ago when you started jogging, other than your health, obviously. on the day of your murder, take a cab to the trainstation you go to to get home and use your credit card, make sure you have been doing this, too, for months, at around the same time as well, so taht it is well established that you go home around the same time every day. make sure you have your train ticket paid for with your credit card too, and make sure you get on the train home. instead of going all the way home you get off at the next stop. no one will notice, trains do not have to check you off, but they do tend to have cameras. make sure you leave with the crowd. now walk back down to where your murder is going to occur.
4. committing the act:
do not hesitate, leave the weapon there. when you are committing the act be sure you are wearing two layers of clothes, including socks, make sure the shoes are several sizes too large for your own feet, the socks should help make them fit. the clothes should preferably come from a thrift store, so they could still potentially have epithelials of other people on it. make sure BOTH layers of clothing came from a thrift store, and that this is the first time you have worn either pair. when you purchase the clothing pay for it with cash and do not buy them from the salvation army specifically, buy them from an independant thrift store, the salvation army tends to have cameras. you should have purchased the clothing months before the murder, but not around the same time you started jogging, preferably before then. since you have been jogging so damn much you have likely lost a lot of weight since you purchased the clothing (and everything else you need to commit the crime) so you likely will not be recognised anyway. kill your victim with a knife. in the city it is hard for a gunshot to go unnoticed. leave the knife right there when you are done. strip off the first layer of clothing by cutting it off of you, pulling it over your head may cause your hairs to fall on it. feel free to cut up the clothing into many pieces, discarding random handfulls in public trash cans you pass on your way to a different train station then the one you left. the last things you should discard are the gloves and shoes, which should be taken care of at home.
5. the end result:
now that you have killed someone, you go home, dispose of your last ties to the crime scene (the shoes and gloves) and sit back, do not gloat, do not feel satisfied, your crime is not over until the news stops talking about it. do not start acting strange, do not stop jogging every morning. do not stop any habit that you have started to prepare for this murder until several months after the case is closed, continue out your daily life as if nothing unusual has ever happened to you. feel no guilt, feel no remorse, still go out for drinks every tuseday night with your coworkers and talk about women and stuff.
in the case that their is some link of you to the case, it should not hold against your alibi, particularly if you live alone. but if for some reason they really think you killed a guy, you should let them search your stuff, let them interrogate your friends. if you did your job right they should have nothing that could possibly incriminate you. dont act like you have anything to hide, you shouldnt. and since you dont have anything to hide, and they wont have anything to go on, you will be scot free, but will never be able to kill again.
and that was my idea of a perfect crime.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Also, don’t use a gun. Every gun is registered to an owner and they can look it up. This will lead to you being mentioned in some way. Use a knife or something like that.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Jimman- some people didn’t come to this page by searching “The perfect crime”, instead they went on listverse and found it or searched for something that led them to listverse.
April 11th, 2009 at 4:10 am
crazy stuff,do you know who is reading all you wrote in here.if you want to commit any crime ,first shut the fu.c up.good lack
April 13th, 2009 at 5:34 am
Of course,if you wanted to commit the perfect crime (and get away with it!) it would be a great advantage if you could make yourself invisible. No problem! Who are the people in today’s society that don’t merit a glance? Pensioners, of course. I shall commit my crime disguised as a dear little old lady, dressed in clothes from the charity shop, large booties and woolly gloves to disguise foot- and fingerprints, headscarf and grey wig to avoid dropping tell-tale hairs, and Tesco carrier bags for gun, breadknife, garrotting clothes-line etc. underneath a wilting cabbage!
Clue for M. Poirot – my crime will be committed in Yorkshire. Yes, you cow, you know who you are! Hehehehee (evil laugh!)
Clue for US reders – look up IRONY in the dictionary.
April 17th, 2009 at 11:58 pm
Cool! But I prefer hypnotizing someone then let him/her do the crime for you, in case he/she gets caught just tell him/her to commit suicide!
April 21st, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Having been faced with this issue in real life many times before (and no you couldn’t catch me even if you tried really hard…) I recommend the following; all throw aways, a tight alibi, a good attorney, and a really great acting ability.
First, get used to cops screwing with you. I deal with it everyday and they still can’t connect dot A to dot B. That’s how it should be. Cops are just a legal form of organized crime when you get to the foundation of this. Give them no evidence, no probable cause, and no testimony in any case or situation. Call your attorney, and say nothing else.
Secondly, learn ALOT about computers. Using custom/homemade software and being able to thrust ip addresses, etc.. you can communicate by pc and it can be untraceable.
Become a great actor and when you think you’ve become good, take classes and get better. You only get one opportunity to be surpised for the first time regardless of the event taking place. Failing to plan for every contingency is planning to fail. Always ask “what if this (scenerio placed here happens)?”
Study psychology. Learn how people think, act, and feel, and what makes them do so. People are just animals to begin with and they act like cattle. Most deserve to be slaughtered when it happens because they placed themselves in that situation due to not being educated, too stupid to be educated, being weak , sick (addiction, addicted people act irrationally no matter what), and following the herd mentality.
No witnesses no matter who they are. One person can keep a secret. two people are always able to give up the other when placed in a situation where they squirm. And everybody has one. And I’ve never in my many years met a woman who couldn’t shut the hell up. No women ever. No offense but its in their nature.
Use a knife; much harder to trace, no noise, thrust the blade into the base of the skull from behind. Twist hard. Instant death and little or no noise, they drop like a sack of dirty clothes and not as much blood as one might think. Use a common one, no need for anything special, just a nice well built 6″ blade with a finger guard that doesn’t fold. The finger gaurd helps prevent cutting yourself. If you do, you’re as good as caught. DNA everwhere.
With guns there’s always blowback, residue, chemicals, etc…. Noise is you’re enemy. Generic gloves, drop the knife better yet leave it in the target, burn your clothes and change before going home, have a safe site to dispose fo clothes and any possible evidence, don’t drive anywhere near the event site, always fit into the background, never go back for anything, and finally, learn about the art of urban camoflouge.
Best case event: don’t do it. If you have to, listen to the advice in the column and if you’re using you’re own computer you’ve already been busted so don’t do it.
I’ve known many contracts and the best advice on that is not to ever know one. There is no such thing as a friend in the business, and all friends are expendable, especially when it comes to your freedom. And money, money is more valuable than freedom to the right/wrong people. Freedom can be bought as it has many, many times. No replacement for cash. Ever.
For what its worth, have a great lawyer who knows what you did in every detail and protects you no matter what because you’re paying him/her to misdirect the facts and testimonies and they know that your reach and touch is much further than just a prison cell. They’ll find a way to make the case go away. And as long as you remain a great client, they’ll stay alive.
Have a nice day.
April 23rd, 2009 at 3:01 am
The body is the best piece of evidence. It not only tells me how the person died, but when he/she died and by what he/she was killed. The first interpretation of the evidence comes from the postmortem.
It is possible to kill someone without leaving any marks on the body. Just below the ear is the main blood vessel the carotid artery; any stimulation to this part of the neck is very dangerous. Pressure on the carotid artery can cause the heart to stop suddenly. But generally speaking injuries and marks are caused because people go over the top and apply far too much pressure, and they do leave marks and injuries. One thing to remember is that we can look in very special ways. We can dissect the neck and discover bruising underneath the skin that can’t be seen on the outside. I can tell if a person has been dragged by vertical markings on the heels and bruising under the pits of the arm.
Hypostasis is a change that occurs naturally within the body. This change causes the red blood cells to settle in the blood vessels under the influence of gravity. Because the blood pools in the areas of the body which are closest to the ground the pattern of hypostasis gives us a record of the position of the body at the time of death. People will dump a body and run, but if a body is found face down and the pattern of the hypostasis is on the underside of the body then we know the body has been moved and dumped.
As for determining the time of death of the victim the best a pathologist can do is a 5 ½ hour spread. This 5 ½ implies only within the first 24 hours of death. Anything later than 24 hours that spread gets bigger and bigger. After a few days a pathologist will no longer be able to determine the time of death. As a body decomposes the information pathologists rely on quickly disappears. This is where expertise in entomology comes in.
Wrapping a dead body will delay the access of insects to the dead flesh. Insects can keep markings of evidence for weeks, months, and even years. By collecting the most mature samples of insects entomologists can then work backwards from there and discover when the insect eggs were laid, which corresponds to the time of death and which most of the time is 95% accurate. Temperature, weather, and species of insects have to be taken into account for accurate time of death results.
Dismembering bodies can make our jobs much more difficult, but not impossible. Sulpheric acid can completely dissolve most of the tissue in the human body. It would take around 27 gallons of sulpheric acid and several weeks to dissolve a whole body. Acid can’t dissolve fat. For instance if a person had a gall stone it wouldn’t be dissolved because it is covered in thick layers of fat. I could dissect the stone and obtain DNA. Also getting enough sulpheric acid to dissolve a human body is impossible. Washing powder that you can buy at stores and use at home can dissolve most soft tissue but not all. Even with just bones remaining we could solve the crime.
An icicle crafted properly could pierce a body and bone and most likely not leave any markings on the bones. The ice would melt at the scene and the murder weapon would disappear. However, getting this ice weapon to the victim would be extremely difficult and conspicuous.
We can get trace evidence off just about anything these days. We can retrieve fingerprints off clothes and carpet; footprints off carpet, and of course hair. Every cell in the body except red blood cells contains DNA. Every time you walk, talk, breathe, and even blink you shed DNA. I can use a few cheek cells from you talking or a few mucous cells from you breathing and create a DNA profile, and therefore find the killer.
A perfect murder is possible even with all the technology we have these days, but a person who commits a perfect murder will most likely kill again and again and they will eventually make a mistake and leave evidence and we forensic scientists only have to get lucky once.
I’m speaking with 20 years as a pathologists, 10 years studying entomology, and of course all my lawyer and detective friends out there that solve crimes and put criminals behind bars daily.
April 23rd, 2009 at 10:03 pm
lol i think its funny how the “evidence seeker” explains all the ways someone could qet cauqht up, and simultaneously everyone shuts up.. he was the last comment. =)
May 5th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Hmm. I’ve read 3/4 the comments and came to a conclusion. Believe me, this was hard to think of.
The perfect crime is a crime not committed, but more of created without voluntary action or the simplicity of resolving itself into course. As one person previously posted, the smart ones just chat but take no action, and the even smarter ones just read but do absolutely nothing.
The perfect crime is something a person could do without even knowing what has been done. If the crime does not exist, did it ever really happen?
Murder and stealing. They both require an action, a voluntary sequence of actions created by the one committing them. However, it is not uncommon that more than one mind can create the same crime working together for the same outcome.
The only perfect crime I know of is the crime of being alive. Like it or not, you are always doing something to effect another person, creature or even material in another way.
I may be full of useless information, but I stand by what I know and what I know is just that.
The perfect crime is the crime not committed.
Please take this semi-useless information for your own advantages and enjoy.
I hope I have just wasted 5 minutes of someones life. No refunds.
May 5th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Yes, I am aware of the spelling error on the last sentence. It was for my own amusement if someone took me seriously.
May 5th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Oh and while i’m just throwing useless information out there that 99% of the population on these comments do nothing with but read for entertainment, heres a tip.
Do not park your arse in a chair playing video games for 4+ years.
What you should do is park your arse in a COMFY chair then play video games for 4+ years. Big difference.
Believe me when I say this because i’ve seen what it does to some people. A little disturbing sight to say the least.
(Yes, I am very bored at the moment and may never look at these comments again.)
May 5th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
this list is good….. cover all clothes.. when done, burn put in garbage bag and sink in river or water body. Leave murder weapon a little distance from crime to give police time to search for it … will make investigation time longer so case can go cold. Dont plant shit. Kill all accomplices too. DOn’t tell anyone anything.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
Trying to dispose of a body in the ocean is often a bad idea (just ask our friend Scott Petersen). Gaining access to a boat, especially while carrying a bulky “package” can be a conspicuous exercise, even if the killer takes to the sea routinely (we know that Scott was a weekend fisherman, but going “fishing” on the eve of your wife’s mysterious disappearance is an unfortunate coincidence to have to explain away). Beyond this, body parts at sea tend to partially decompose before floating free in random chunks; bindings tend to come untethered due to the ebb and flow of currents; and torsos and feet (especially those in laced high top sneakers) not fully digested by marine life, will often wash ashore. The force of the elements at work in a salt water environment are powerful and unpredictable. But if you dispose of your body in a shallow grave in any handy wooded area, even you will be challenged to find the body again, and even if you want to (or if you forgot to take a keepsake the first time around and attempt to exhume the body after the fact). This is a documented fact, since many convicted serial killers have attempted to bargain for a delay of execution in exchange for revealing the whereabouts their woodland victims, only to find that they themselves can’t find the remains, despite having disposed of the corpse, up close and personal, not long before. Take my advice and use the woods instead.
June 17th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
stab them with an ice sicle….self destructing evidence
June 23rd, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Wow im concerned if this is the best these people can do we may end up in crime free world and what fun would that be
June 25th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
im gonna go kill someone
June 27th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
I don’t think you were careful enough about not leaving evidence behind. In the first place I would crazy glue the tips of your finders to prevent the possibility of leaving prints. One should shave every bit of hair off of your body including your head and eyelashes. Then you should scrub your skin vigorously with an exfoliant and abrasive to limit the possibility of leaving skin fragments. Also make sure you remove any nasal or ear hair and blow your nose hard at a distance from the crime carefully and discretely discarding the tissue. An inopportune sneeze could seed the crime area and seal your fate. If you are a sex offender and your DNA is on record, be very, very careful. Do NOT eat beans or milk products, especially if you are lactose intolerant. I have read case reports in which micro-feces particles can be detect from explosive flatus. Likewise, sometimes what feels like a fart can be something all together different. Finally, try not to breath while at the crime scene. I hope this helps.
July 4th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
Great list, and some really great comments. What I find most amusing are the commenters who took this way too seriously and were absolutely disgusted. Come on, have a sense of humor. It’s not like everyone who read this is going to go out and commit a crime.
July 14th, 2009 at 10:43 am
Good list, but most of the comments are about murder. Just some stuff i’ve learnt, don’t carry weapons, learn how to fight instead. If your caught in someones back garden have a flyer for gardening and ask them do they need any odd jobs taken care off. Its better to have drugs together than in little bags, never have a list of who owes you what, keep more than one phone, not to mix business and pleasure. Do not bring a phone with you to commit a major crime. Use glass cutters to break into a house… in housing estates very few people sleep on the ground floor. If you are going to steal a car always break into a house to get the keys first. ATM machines have very bad cameras which dont work well at night so all you need to do is go to an area that is not well lit and wear a scarf. I could write a book on shoplifting. Beat someone up one on one…your word against theres in court. Now any advice for me… Oh and a police scanner is well worth it. If you are doing a job in a rural area there will generally be just one police car… dont ring 999 as it will be recorded but the actually police station and report a crime elsewhere in any accent that is different to yours
July 18th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
I stole tons of stuff when i was 13.
July 20th, 2009 at 10:30 pm
i just dont understdand y u are suposed 2 leave da gun y not just take it wit u seein ad that it said not 2 leave any evidence
July 23rd, 2009 at 5:10 am
As long as you have a fire arm that is not registered, stolen, or purchased on the street… (aka) Not in your name, you should always leave it at the scene. Even if you handle the fire arm, you can wash it to clear your prints. Washing with soap and water, like seen in the movies can and usually will leave prints behind. The best method to remove prints is alcohol, the type for infections not consumption or equivelant. There after, holding the fire arm with gloves on, making sure to load the fire arm with the gloves as well, leaves no trace evidence. (Most of the time). So later on, if you keep the gun, ballistics cannot match you to the fire arm in question.
July 30th, 2009 at 9:11 am
Haha, found it funny when I first saw this article. How to commit the perfect crime, and right after that how to survive prison haha!
August 19th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Hello everybody..
I need advices.. In case that i want to burn alive someone, what is the best way to do that?
August 25th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Just a heads up – Do NOT dispose of a body in water (unless it is literally in the middle of the ocean.) Gases build up from decaying tissue makes the body bouyant. A body can become so bouyant that it will float to the top even if it is weighted down.
More tips for the perfect crime:
http://www.forensiccrimescene.com/
August 26th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
To cover up finger prints, go to your local costume shop and buy a bottle of Liquid Latex.
Put latex on the inside of a rubber glove, insert your hand covered in another glove, let dry, and proceed to commit any crime without fear of leaving prints.
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:02 am
Thankz for the tipz, they kinda all seem to have some flawz. I’ve been reserching a lot lately because i’ve been thinking about becoming a forensics speacialist, and there really is NO PERFECT CRIME, there is alwayz a chance and a possibility! A chance that while your in the act, someone or something will interfere and cause you to be caught, or to leave evidence. I.E Robbing a store with a diguise, and a cop happens to walk in. Or if your doing random killing cause your just fucked up and want to kill someone, even the most random time and random person…. Each step of that process carries chances of thingz going wrong, people seeing you. I Hope that nobody reading this list actually thinkz that they can do it…. Because THE NUMBER ONE REASON MORE PEOPLE DON’T KILL IS FOR FEAR OF BEING CAUGHT. Everyone no matter how good and pure, has a dark side, a side that is kept to only them and only there internal thoughtz, everybody has a little Cain in them! No person is without sin. With MUrDeR and Other Large Crimez carrying such a long Prison sentence… People suppress these urges and brush them off and forget about them. The people who are very intelligent usually act very unintelligent in thinking that they or so smart that they can get around it. Maby once… Maby twice…. Eventually something won’t go to plan, someone won’t be as planned. Enjoy Your Freedom While You Have It, and Leave all Your Thoughtz for EVIL locked up inside you as they should be, it is how we as humans have existited for so long without Anarchy!
September 18th, 2009 at 5:29 am
yeah…cool
September 19th, 2009 at 7:55 pm
If someone is actually thinking of doing this they would not be on this site. If you are that stupid at least take out the problem sources in this country if you want to do some good. Like for instance black, brown, yellow.
September 19th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
If anyone is going to come back and deny the facts, please by all means include a link in which I will be prooved wrong. The facts and statistics do not lie. Incarcerated males consists of 80% justs blacks and hispanics. If you are in this room and meet those requirements sorry, but I am not a white sup. I just go by what is proven. It really pisses me off that you can not do your crime better, and make everyone else pay to keep you fucks alive in prison. If you know you are going to be caught just do your family and the country a huge favor and end what life you have before you fuck up and create pain for those who love you and for those who don’t. Get a grip!
October 2nd, 2009 at 9:51 am
Do your crime in a small town. I lived in one for a long time and I can tell you unless it is something huge or Federal they won’t pursue it. We had a major drug raid twice in a ten year period that netted two bus loads of dealers both times. Plus all the cops I knew very well were ususally all in one place late at night. If I were a dishonest person there is no doubt I could have gotten away with a lot of theft if it was kept to a rate of every two to three months.Best thing to say is don’t do the crime, but I hope law enforcement takes a look at your suggestions as a better way to investigate a crime.
October 2nd, 2009 at 11:55 pm
If you kill a guy, make sure to plant evidence of an ex-girlfriend of his (or a female co-worker) around the crime scene. Then follow it up by putting super-glue on his tallywacker.
The immediate evidence just screams “a woman scorned” and lazy law enforcement won’t go much further than that.
October 26th, 2009 at 9:55 pm
Allot is said about the copmuter and how it can be connected to you but in todays society we can look this up on an ipod or a phone can this be traced back to you?
November 6th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Disposing of a body in a body of water, particularly a very deep lake, is actually an excellent way of getting rid of it, IF you do it correctly. Simply tossing it into the water with a rock tied to it won’t cut it. As the gasses build up, that sucker is gonna float. If you’re going to go with the water disposal, you have to field dress the body. Gut it, remove the internal organs that can bloat up with gas, then fill the body cavity with heavy stones or cinder blocks, whatever. Then wrap the body up in rabbit wire to prevent the weights from becoming dislodged. Can’t use chicken wire, it would rust out in the water too fast, and can’t use a tarp or something more solid because you need the little fishies, etc, to have easy access to the flesh as it decomps.
Of course you’re still at risk of some fisherman hooking into it, but assuming you dumped it off in water that’s at least 40 ft deep, it’s pretty minimal.
Most of all though, no one can know. An old criminal justice professor of mine told me once the only way two people can keep a secret is if one of ‘em is dead. He said that the majority of criminals get caught not because of DNA, or fingerprints (a little steam, some super glue, and someone else’s fingerprints can be a lot of fun if you want to pin it on the someone else), or smart detective work, but because someone blabbed. Usually the perp’s girlfriend or wife gets mad and blabs to a friend, who tells someone else, who gets pinched on some petty drug bust and rolls over to save his own ass.
November 6th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
The idea that you should commit your crime in a rural area because no one will do anything? I live in a rural area… population under 1000. Our po po probably won’t do anything to catch the criminal, you’re right. That’s because we’re all so heavily armed here that it’s doubtful the perp will be alive by the time he arrives on the scene. We all know who belongs here, and who doesn’t, and we subscribe to the philosophy of the 3 S’s.
Shoot.
Shovel.
STFU
November 10th, 2009 at 4:26 am
one thing i think you should always remember, is to stay level and don’t think about your crime or don’t think of it as a crime, cause although methods like a lie detecting test are not completely accurate it is still possible to determine a persons guilt by his body language, so if you have a sweating issue or a mannerism to blink a lot of something avoid doing crimes. figure out patterns in your life that would be problematic when trying to achieve a crime, such as if you leave a note to psych the police and you normally write with a lot of periods then figure out those kinds of patterns and take note of them when making your note.
November 11th, 2009 at 10:00 pm
you guys have it all wrong the perfect crime is to rape a dead baby live is good too but they cry too much
November 16th, 2009 at 8:24 am
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November 16th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
I’m evil, I know I am! I just know it! And now, with the help of your list, I will finally dispose of that accursed platypus and rule the entire Tri-State area!!!
November 19th, 2009 at 1:37 am
Simply read Patricia Cornwell’s The Stranger Beside me. Il be damned if i get caught.