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Professional Athletes are not always known for their intelligence. Many are not especially articulate… okay, most of them are not known to be articulate. This is a list of the top 15 people who made us laugh, either by being completely clueless, stating the obvious, or just by being outrageous.
1. “Left hand, right hand, it doesn’t matter. I’m amphibious.” – Charles Shackleford
To be fair… He can actually breathe underwater too.
2. “Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win.” – Doug Collins
… Almost? What happens the other times?
3. “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father” –Greg Norman
And all of his other parents he failed to mention.
4. “Rich Folkers is throwing up in the bullpen.” –Jerry Coleman
He’s sick? I hope he can still pitch today.
5. “The drivers have one foot on the brake, one on the clutch, and one on the throttle.” –Bob Varsha
Now that’s impressive driving.
6. “You can sum up this sport [boxing] in two words: ‘You never know.’” -Lou Duva
Only two? Ok, can’t argue with that.
7. “When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you’re getting your ass hammered by guys—there’s no better feeling than to have that done.” -Matt Stairs
Umm… what?
8. “The NFL, like life, is full of idiots.” –Randy Cross
Truer words were never spoken.
8. “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.” –Lou Deva… again.
….Ok Lou, ok.
10. “You don’t like to see hookers going down on players like that.” –Murry Mexted
I guess in context it makes sense…
11. “I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.” –Tug Mcgraw
After being asked if he preferred grass or Astroturf, the Tugger responded with this gem.
12. “Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical.” –Yogi Berra
And just because Yogi gave us so many, a bonus: “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
13. “We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” –Jason Kidd
So, you’re going to turn it all the way around and continue in the direction it was originally going? On second thought, maybe you should stay in college Jason.
14. “He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.” –Torrin Polk
That’s the most important thing a college football coach can offer his team. Earings.
15. Reporter: “Did you visit the Parthenon while in Greece?”
Shaquille O’Neill: “I can’t really remember the names of all the clubs we went to.”
At least you well represented the NBA while there, Shaq.
May 17th, 2009 at 1:53 am
Cool.
May 17th, 2009 at 1:55 am
This is the second time i’ve been the first to post!
May 17th, 2009 at 2:09 am
“I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.” –Tug Mcgraw
After being asked if he preferred grass or Astroturf, the Tugger responded with this gem.
LOL…hahhahaha he’s rushing to the end zone already?!
May 17th, 2009 at 2:11 am
funny funny, good list!
May 17th, 2009 at 2:24 am
Driving would actually be so much easier with 3 feet.
May 17th, 2009 at 2:25 am
This is one of the funniest lists in a long time I’ve read
HA HA HA!!!!!
May 17th, 2009 at 2:35 am
Excellent Sunday morning list. I wouldn’t care for a depressing one right now. Good job!
May 17th, 2009 at 2:44 am
Another great list, but you missed Brian Johnson’s great line while commentating on a cricket match;
“The bowler’s Holding, the batsman’s Willy.”
He was trying to identify the the two players, but it didn’t quite come out as he’d pictured.
May 17th, 2009 at 2:49 am
Oh my goodness… certainly not a controversial list… but wickedly funny!!!
May 17th, 2009 at 3:10 am
Athletic guns on the list g; as my old high school coach used to say, “you aint for us then you can suck me,” but he was gay, for real, yo.
May 17th, 2009 at 3:11 am
Just what I needed after a long night. This list was freakin’ hilarious!
May 17th, 2009 at 3:12 am
Got to love athlete quotes. Great sunday morning list.
May 17th, 2009 at 3:19 am
What about the famous Murray Walker;
“Excuse me while i interupt myself…”
“With half the race gone, there is half the race still to go”
‘unless I’m very much mistaken.. and I am very much mistaken!’
Easily the best F1 Commentator ever. No other Racing commentator is a patch on Murray Walker. Apart from his frequent and hilarious gaffs, he knew everything there was to know about the sport, he cared deeply for it, and even if he was commentating on the cars going round the track after the Safety Car, he would still exude excitement…
May 17th, 2009 at 3:35 am
Shaquille O’Neal is spelled like this.
May 17th, 2009 at 4:01 am
For quote number two.
I dont think Doug Collins was referring to doing those two things at once, it just came out sounding that way.
May 17th, 2009 at 4:02 am
I love the funny lists. Number 7 and 10 were the best! I am still laughting over those 2. Thanks, RandomPrecision!
May 17th, 2009 at 4:09 am
Re no 5: he obviously has “one foot” (ie 12 inches) in the middle!
In general: one major-title-winning basketball coach was asked whether in his wildest dreams he’d ever imagined winning a major title. He replied “My wildest dreams have got nothing to do with basketball”.
In yesterday’s Sydney Morning Herald they quoted a winning racing driver who was told by the reporter “This must be the greatest day of your life”. He replied “You obviously weren’t there when I lost my virginity”.
May 17th, 2009 at 4:34 am
Yup, Rich Folkers is talking to Ralph on the big white phone!
May 17th, 2009 at 4:37 am
Great list. You could have done a top 30 list just on Yogi Berra. Now there was a funny man
May 17th, 2009 at 4:39 am
this list would be much better without the commentary after each quote. your readers are smart enough to understand the humor; we don’t need it explained to us!
May 17th, 2009 at 4:51 am
Yogi Berra lived on a road that had a fork in it(figuratively). No matter which way you took, you could still get to his house. Also, Yogi’s AFLAC commercial is hilarious.
May 17th, 2009 at 4:58 am
Hilarious! Bahaha… thanks for making my day. =]
May 17th, 2009 at 4:59 am
“No comment.”
-Michael Jordan,
on being named one of the
most reporter-friendly athletes
May 17th, 2009 at 5:07 am
excellent work random precision.
i was gonna pitch a fit if yogi berra wasn’t on here somewhere.
May 17th, 2009 at 5:50 am
Love this list. Perfect for a day when I woke up irritated with life… this made me feel a lot better. I love #8… seems pretty true to me.
May 17th, 2009 at 5:52 am
yogi berra was the master of doublespeak
May 17th, 2009 at 5:57 am
How about Mark Viduka’s quote :”I don’t care about how many games our team lost, we just care about winning the league”
May 17th, 2009 at 6:31 am
I loved the list but didn’t like the writers comments after each one.
May 17th, 2009 at 6:44 am
hahaha…. it’s funny… especially with YOUR comments under… you really ROCK jamie…
May 17th, 2009 at 6:53 am
ynnej0216,
Jamie does rock but he didn’t write this list. RandomPrecision wrote it. We’ll add your comments to the list of stupid quotes.
May 17th, 2009 at 7:00 am
Great list, RandomPrecision! I needed an attitude change after waking up to find my son had eaten 3, yes 3, of my white chocolate Lindor truffles! He’s really lucky that he’s so cute and that the list was funny today. Had he done it on Thursday, who knows what would have happened.
PS: I enjoyed the added commentary. Many lulz were had.
May 17th, 2009 at 7:02 am
How can you leave out Football (Soccer) manager Ian Holloway?
“We’ve got a good squad and we’re going to cut our cloth accordingly, but I think the cloth that we’ve got could make some good soup, if that makes any sense”.
He’s six foot something, fit as a flea, good looking – he’s got to have something wrong with him. Hopefully he’s hung like a hamster – That would make us all feel better. Having said that, me missus has got a pet hamster at home, and his cock’s massive.” – talking about Cristiano Ronaldo.
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Ian_Holloway
Legend
May 17th, 2009 at 7:06 am
Pretty funny list. I actually came across that second Lou Deva one a couple of days ago.
Shar: totally agree about Murray, he’s a treasure. And Whispering Ted. I used to watch snooker just to listen to him.
May 17th, 2009 at 7:22 am
The writers extra comments werent funny and made the list harder to get through. The other lists don’t have them. In #13 for example it’s like the writer is saying “let me explain to you why the quote is stupid in case you don’t get it”. Just my opinion.
May 17th, 2009 at 7:28 am
+1 random
May 17th, 2009 at 7:30 am
I remember someone once said
“There are alot more wins than losses in football”
May 17th, 2009 at 7:31 am
lol, very funny list! It’s about time we had a chuckle around here after so much controversy…
May 17th, 2009 at 7:40 am
Wow, no John Madden quotes? He was full of great ones. My favorite was when he said,”He’ll run it up the A-hole and score”
May 17th, 2009 at 7:43 am
what about the classic when al iafrate went down on a break away with an open net for a hatrick and shot the puck in the corner. He was questioned by a reporter about his act and responded with, “Empty net goals are for faggots.”
May 17th, 2009 at 7:52 am
ha!
May 17th, 2009 at 8:09 am
Haha hilarious!
May 17th, 2009 at 8:13 am
Very funny RP. I liked the comments after each one – just to put the boot in
. I also used to love Murray Walker too shar.
I found a very similar bunch of UK quotes here:
http://www.funny-haha.co.uk/Joke.asp?J=356
May 17th, 2009 at 8:15 am
Whoa! I got published! sweet!
This just made my day =)
May 17th, 2009 at 8:30 am
10. “You don’t like to see hookers going down on players like that.” –Murry Mexted
I guess in context it makes sense…
****
Well, I get it.
May 17th, 2009 at 8:35 am
44 segue: I’be never watched rugby, so I was really confused as to what he was commenting on.
May 17th, 2009 at 8:36 am
John Kruk when asked by a female reporter whether he feels that athletes like himself should be better role models:
“Lady, I’m not an athlete. I’m a baseball player.”
May 17th, 2009 at 9:14 am
Cool list for a Sunday.
May 17th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Wow, Parthenon club in Greece? Go Shaq!
May 17th, 2009 at 10:17 am
That grass/astroturf gag was used on an early episode of Only Fools and Horses (British sitcom) in the early eighties.
Who copied who there? When did Tud McGraw say it?
May 17th, 2009 at 10:23 am
Nice list RandomPrecision.
You could of coarse do whole list with just Yogi Berra.
Here’s one from Pat Riley:
“I feel like a mosquito in a nudist colony. I know what to do; I just don’t know where to start.”
May 17th, 2009 at 10:30 am
This list would be better if it included who the heck these people are.
May 17th, 2009 at 10:31 am
THere are 2 #8’s
great stuff!
May 17th, 2009 at 10:46 am
45. RandomPrecision: 44 segue: I’ve never watched rugby, so I was really confused as to what he was commenting on.
****
I find it funny that all I have to do is say I get it and it’s suddenly understood to be Rugby! I’m also proud of that.
BTW, my daughter’s team finished their regular season without being scored against! Ever! Not once! Play-offs don’t start until autumn, and she has to decide between playing summer 7s, or just spending the summer doing triathlons or marathons to keep fit.
May 17th, 2009 at 10:51 am
Wonderful list for Sunday morning!
May 17th, 2009 at 10:52 am
segue,
“BTW, my daughter’s team finished their regular season without being scored against! Ever! Not once! Play-offs don’t start until autumn, and she has to decide between playing summer 7s, or just spending the summer doing triathlons or marathons to keep fit.”
Why doesn’t she do what normal people do and relax at the beach or something? Overachievers like her typically burn and crash at an early age.
May 17th, 2009 at 11:00 am
#i Amphibious!! Too funny
#11 Astroturf Wow!! Even better.
May 17th, 2009 at 11:20 am
55. tweezer: She’s 30. So she spends her down time working 40+ hours a week in a high stress job.
Burnout? She’s been there, done that, and is now on what is, for her, a practically mellow schedule.
May 17th, 2009 at 11:39 am
#21 is right, Yogi Berra’s fork quote isn’t like his others. He was actually right there – the road converged into two and led to the same place. Poor guy messed up so many other times that people jumped on it. Oh well, that’s what you get, Yogi.
May 17th, 2009 at 11:43 am
I thought the comments at the end were ok. Do you people know we have an international audience here and maybe they don`t get the quotes. Some people like to complain about anything,what a shame.
May 17th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
“Soccer is like chess but without dices” Lukas Podolsky
May 17th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
anyone else getting a virus warning when accessing this site? I get a notice saying parkneed.com is trying to access personal information
May 17th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Nothing from Mike Tyson??? Wtf!
May 17th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
john kruk while appearing on the david letterman show after having a testicle removed due to cancer was wearing a t-shirt that said
“if you don’t like how i play, i’ll take my ball and go home”
May 17th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
I am not getting a virus warning but my computer freezes up about half the time I visit listverse. It started about a week ago and is getting to the point that I am planning on no longer coming to the site. I love listverse but its not worth a trashed computer or worse.
May 17th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
xdark #61, I get something that says bloodhound. My security also gets turned off when I visit Listverse.
May 17th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
I seem to recall a boxer (Leon Spinks? Micheal Spinks?) responding to a bit of legal trouble with firearms. Not word for word, but something like: “It wasn’t my gun. I never touched the gun. Besides that, it wasn’t loaded.”
May 17th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
62 General Tits Von Chodehoffen: I originally had him as the Bonus with the “eat your children” remark, looks like Jamie didn’t see it fit.
49. whoopee: Tug’s comment was in 1974. I can’t find anything about the sitcom you mentioned, but I’m thinking he said it first.
May 17th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
The commentaries under each quote are very unnecessary. They’re not funny or well written, and the you’re really just patronizing the reader by explaining why each quote is funny.
May 17th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
pardon the typo
May 17th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
You have been pardoned, sir.
May 17th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
No Casey Stengel quotes?? He was a funny man.
One from Joe Theisman
“He’s no genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
May 17th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
I like this list. It’s real hillarrious.
May 17th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
71. antlyon
“He’s no genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
That was the name of a guy Theisman went to college with. He went on to be a Phd. Rhodes Scholar or something like that. It really was an accurate statement.
May 17th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
#1 Funny, I’m anphibeous as well.
#7 Er… did he just say…
#14 was my email signiture for a long time.
May 17th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
hilarious.
May 17th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
#11 was awesome
May 17th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
What’s with No.4? He’s throwing, up in the bullpen – i.e. Warming up – even I get that…
May 17th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
77. Mark: Sorry, I can’t explain it, that would be patronizing apparently.
May 17th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
Numbers 6 and 8 are confusing because you spelled Tom Duva or Deva’s name wrong. Good list Though i laughed a good deal.
May 17th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
dole, ur the one whoses stupid, im not commenting on YOU, why are u the one responding… stupid!
May 17th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Another jerry coleman:
[dave] winfield’s running back to the wall
He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off
It’s rolling all the way back to second base
This is a terrible thing for the padres
…LOL
May 17th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
I know I’ve mentioned it before. But the announcer of the horse race calling the leaders of the race with Hoof Hearted in the lead. “Hoof Hearted Hoof Hearted Who Farted.” He had no idea what he was saying.
May 17th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
You can find YouTube. It really happened.
May 18th, 2009 at 1:32 am
I once heard a football player say:
“Our team is the best in the World and one of the best in Europe!”
dont remember who though…
May 18th, 2009 at 1:35 am
I usually don’t read the Best Quotes lists on this site because I find lists without some interaction or commentary from the compiler very dry and extremely boring.
The list compiler’s comments here kept my interest through the whole list but I can also see why someone else might find them distracting or even patronizing.
However, in my opinion, it is actually reading the commentaries and gauging the explicit or implicit rationales behind a compilation (as well as the wonderful community comments) that make this site so absorbing.
May 18th, 2009 at 1:50 am
Others I’ve heard in football:
“Our team was at the end of an abiss but we took a step foward”
“At the end of the day we didnt win, instead we went out for a drink!”
“Predictions?… only at the end of the game!”
-when asked what he predicts the final score would be.
“I dont want to talk to the press only with the journalists”
“If the goalie lets the ball in… it will be a goal!”
“Half the players on the pitch are fighting for the same objective.”
“The ball hit the netherlands”
-when a ball hit the privates of Netherlands player Jaap Stam.
May 18th, 2009 at 3:14 am
nothing from Ali? That’s another list in itself right there.
May 18th, 2009 at 3:38 am
LOLz!!!
May 18th, 2009 at 6:50 am
i think Matt (#7) meant that when the team congratulates you upon your return to the dugout, Evan when your loosing its a good feeling …. that’s what i gather anyways
, he did forget a few words tho definatly
May 18th, 2009 at 6:54 am
RandomPrecision
Nice list – looks like we’ll need another soon – make it twenty next time.
May 18th, 2009 at 9:04 am
WARNING!: Beware of the Bloodhound virus. Make your anti-phishing feature is turned on.
May 18th, 2009 at 9:34 am
How could you leave Mike Tyson off of there. His best was :
“I’m going to fade into Bolivian!”
Not to mention his famous child eating rants
May 18th, 2009 at 9:52 am
I actually heard this one live on TV – Former Houston Rocket Center Ralph Sampson was asked how he was able to make a last second shot:
“Well I got it up and put it in.”
Charles Barkely:
Ernie: “Auburn is a pretty good school. To graduate from there I suppose you really need to work hard and put forth maximum effort.”
Charles: “20 pts and 10 rebounds will get you through also!”
“I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, ‘Yeah. I’m going to retire.’ They said, ‘Well, we’ll give you $9 million.’ And I said, ‘You got a pen on you?’”
“When I was recruited at Auburn [university], they took me to a strip joint. When I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements.”
“I heard Tonya Harding is calling herself the Charles Barkley of figure skating. I was going to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character.”
http://barkleyquotes.blogspot.com/
May 18th, 2009 at 10:06 am
How about Dennis Rodman? I have 2 that I find hilarious!
“Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something.”
“For five years I’ve felt like the best prostitute in a high-class whorehouse. But all the other girls get paid more than I do.”
May 18th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Ha ha ha ha!
Funny list!
I especially liked #1 and #7.
May 19th, 2009 at 3:30 am
When told by a group of journalists that he had played well on the game, a soccer player was also wished a happy birthday since it was his birthday on that day. “Thanks and same to you” he replied
May 19th, 2009 at 8:51 am
7. “When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you’re getting your ass hammered by guys—there’s no better feeling than to have that done.” -Matt Stairs
That sounds so wrong.
What about Bill Walton “Throw it down big man!!”, John Madden, or Mike Tyson as someone mentioned on here already. I can’t remember any quotes off the top of my head but I know they all have many WTF moments. I especially question how Walton got a commentating job, Madden is just old, and Tyson….well he’s just crazy.
Lennox Louis when commentating during fights tends to state the obvious: “If he doesn’t stop getting hit he’s gonna lose this fight” Really Louis? Thanks for the insight.
I think one of my other favorites is Allen Iverson when questioned about why he missed practice with the team (Back when he was on the Sixers and Larry Brown was the coach): “Man we talkin bout practice, I don’t need to practice with the team, they know how I play. We play ball all the time.”
May 19th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
I have 3 favorite quotes. Two are by Georege Washington and Nelson Mandela, the third by the great MIKE TYSON: “I’m gonna f*ck you til you love me, you little f*ggot.” Brilliance.
May 20th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
Ha ha ha….hilarious
May 21st, 2009 at 9:11 pm
yeah, Mike Tyson is known for his ridiculous quotes.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:16 pm
You stole this…..
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
101. Cornflakes -
except their list was published 3 days AFTER this one. looks like the theft went the other way……
May 22nd, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Well, I´m only reading this list today because I´m not usually interested in sports (quotes, stories or otherwise…) but this list was incredibly funny! Amphibious…
I have to say, I still dont get the one about the hookers though…
RP- Just wanted to say I enjoyed your little comments!
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:24 pm
cornflakes: I don’t know whether that was just an attempt to spam the site with your wrestling site or not – but in fact they quoted the list from here – and ours was published three days before theirs. Furthermore, theirs even says “Quote” before it. I have removed the link you added to the site that stole it.
May 23rd, 2009 at 4:50 am
Too funny! Thanks a lot for this list!!
May 24th, 2009 at 9:59 am
very funny list!
made my day…
i usually don’t comment but i just have to with this one.
and the additional quotes in the comments are great!
keep it up guys.
=p
May 25th, 2009 at 12:45 am
For the benefit of those who may be struggling with Murray Mexted’s quote (don’t worry even us hardened All Black followers struggle with Murray); The Hooker in question is a position in rugby (Shirt#2 he plays in the middle of the Front Row at scrum time and ‘hooks’ the ball when it is fed into said scrum.
) illegally at a tackle/breakdown in play.
IIRC in this particular instance The Hooker had gone down (get your minds out of the gutter
There are plenty more Murrayisms out there.
segue; I would tend to try a bit of both if I was your daughter. The Tris for the stamina, while the touch helps both the explosive speed and does wonders for ball skills as well. Great if she wants to play a southern Hemisphere type game.
JohnSomats (79) Yes imagine spelling Tom L-O-U DUH!!!
Mind you while not a sports quote one of Lou’s protegés has a quotable place in Kiwi history.
I’ll have an O for Awesome (David Tua on NZ Wheel of Fortune)
My favorite Tyson: He squealed like a girl every time I hit him. Speaking after demolishing Tyrell Biggs.
Another football classic is Eric Cantona after the kung fu kick episode.
Finally re the comments, I liked them and in a couple of cases needed them to work out the humour due to unfamiliarity with the sport.
May 25th, 2009 at 10:57 am
107. k1w1taxi: I’ll pass on your advice.
She’s been playing Rugby now for about 8 years, most of those years at Hooker. The past year she has allowed a new girl to act as Hooker in less demanding games, while she took up the Prop position.
Rugby is a family tradition. He Great-Uncles on her maternal Grandmothers side all played.
May 26th, 2009 at 12:41 am
Segue
Being a front row forward the Tris are even better as the swimming component will help the shoulder/upper body strength as well as the anaerobic(?) fitness. The ball skills from the Touch will certainly come in very handy if she wants to go as far as possible with the game. Witness the value of a Carl Hayman or Tony Woodcock versus those great Northern lumps
Were the Great Uncles American or from elsewhere? Australia? I would be amazed to find rugby played in the USA, actually cancel that as I was going to say that far back, but I just remembered who the reigning Olympic champions are
Cheers
Lee
May 26th, 2009 at 9:12 am
109. k1w1taxi: My mum was Australian, so yes, the Great-Uncles were Australian. One of them, the crazy one, also played played Australian Rules…otoh, he was a math prodigy, worked for off-track bookies as a human calculator.
I’ll pass on all of your advice to my daughter (all 5′4″ of her).
June 3rd, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Ahahahah! Great lists! I especially looove the #6!
June 4th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
how about scottish football manager gordn strachan.
after a game-
reporter ‘gordon, do you have time for a quick word’
gordon – ‘velocity’….and walks off! ha.
June 9th, 2009 at 10:08 am
You guys forgot Murray Walker, F1 hasn’t been the same since he retired.
http://www.worldmotorsport.com/murray/
Take a looksee up there and here’s a few to appetize you.
‘..and Damon Hill is following Damon Hill’
‘Jean Alesi is 4th and 5th’
‘Schumacher has made his final stop three times!’
June 11th, 2009 at 4:17 am
Murray Walker is king!
His quotes are legendary, a career of just throwing any combination of words together when he got excited
“Michael Schumacher leading Damon Hill by four tenths of a second or so, because it’s moving…[cut to Hill under Schu's rear wing] AND THAT’S NOT FOUR TENTHS OF A SECOND! That’s Michael Schumacher!”
Murray : And Coulthard is now on the inside, AND HE’S GOING THROUGH!!! (add appropriate excitement)
Martin : That’s a replay, Murray.
BTCC at Silverstone where John Cleland is stuck behind a smoking car, John sticks his fingers up at the car behind and Murray replies
“Yes, John you’re still second”
June 29th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
OMG! The person who gave us the AL IAFRATE quote was hillarious!!
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:18 pm
The 360 thing is funny beacuse I was on a plane for a school trip and the stewardess told my friend that his suitcase was facing the wrong way in the overhead bin. Then she said ” make your suitcase do a full 360 . ” Despite the fact that ” full 360″ is horribly redundant, the bag would still be facing the wrong way.
July 7th, 2009 at 12:57 am
Number 8 mad me throw up the food that I was eating. Hahaha. It was just so funny. And com’on. Shaq doesn’t know the Parthenon!
July 9th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
haha, funny.
i don’t get any of them.
of course i’m only in 9th grade.
i get the Yoga Bear one though,
he’s talking about like a fork you eat with right?
kinda like a spoon and knife thing right?
and i thought the Parthenon was a football stadium in NYC.
August 4th, 2009 at 10:16 am
I wonder what the reaction was to number 7. Stunned silence, followed by gales of uncontrollable laughter I suspect.
August 7th, 2009 at 1:50 am
Wow…. 15 quotes and not ONE Rickey Henderson quote??? Come on! You’re slacking, man. There are lists out there that are JUST Rickey Henderson quotes. In fact here’s a list of 25. http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=160837
August 8th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
#3 is like an ultimate blond thing. no offense to blond people:) and #7 i laughed so hard! i gotta watch him play one night in KC…thought his name was funny. also like..#8, #8 (again?), #12, #13, and #14. to name my favorites.
August 13th, 2009 at 9:36 pm
Shaq said something a few years ago along the lines of: “My game is like the Pythagorean theorem, no one has an answer.” Umm…how about A squared plus B squared equals C squared?
August 13th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
how could you leave off Allen Iverson’s classic:
Practice?? We talking about practice? NOt the game, but practice?
August 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 am
A finnish F1 commentator once said in the middle of a race: “What’s that mysterious smoke coming from those holes in the rear of Mika Hakkinen’s car” his co-commentator (former F1 champ Keke Rosberg) said in a calm sarcastic voice: “Well Matti, we professionals call those holes the exhaust pipes…”
August 23rd, 2009 at 1:51 pm
“This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during warm up and it was amazing!”-Olympic weightlifting commentator, Snatch and Jerk event
“My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable. And I’m just ferocious”. -Mike Tyson
October 15th, 2009 at 12:50 am
John McKay was the first coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, (they were 0-14 year one, and 1-13 year two, or something like that) when asked what he thought of his team’s execution, replied, “I’m in favor of it”
He also said, after a bad loss “We stunk. We blocked bad. We were terrible on defense, and our kicking game made up for it by being absolutely horrible. I saw nothing that delighted me. We ran on the field fairly well.”
October 29th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Regarding #5, doesn’t mean cause the foot is on the pedal its actually being pressed. Professional drivers actually can do that to cut the time between switching pedals.
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:08 pm
ROFLMAO
Funniest list i have read in a long time and, in the recent times i have been here, i have read a lot of funny lists!
LOLZ FOFL
November 5th, 2009 at 4:30 am
@johnnybravo (123): loool
here is a question to all of you how many time did he said practice?