It’s Friday! So today we have a fun list. There have been some gory horror films throughout time, but one thing they all have in common is a lack of survival instinct. Here are some tips to aid the characters in surviving an impending slaughter and being part of yet another film cliche. Be sure to add some of your own survival tips to the comments.
Never enter a car without double checking the back seat for strangers. Also don’t check the boot until you have found a weapon that is strong enough to puncture it first. You never know who may be hiding in there.
If you have found a good hiding place, do not peek or think it’s safe to leave. However, if you are absolutely certain it is the perfect time to leave, examine your surroundings, especially the ground. The sound of a twig breaking, will cost you your life.
If you don’t have a weapon, run for your life, but expect to stumble or fall flat on your face at least twice. Even if you were the fastest runner in school and the monster is just power walking, it’s still moving quick enough to catch you.
If you hear someone cry for help, don’t come to the rescue. Now is not the time to be a hero. They got themself into that mess, so it’s up to them to get themself out. It may also be a trap so don’t take any risks.
If pets or relatives awake from the dead, don’t even try approach them. There is only one thing on their minds and unfortunately, it is not a family reunion.
If a family member or friend speak to you in a different voice or any language they don’t know, shoot them immediately. You will be doing yourself and them a favor. It will probably take more than bullets to kill them, so be prepared.
If you discover that your home was inhabited by a murderer, someone who went insane or committed suicide, move immediately. Don’t take any chances. For all you know they could still be living there.
Never pair off or go by yourself. You’re better off taking on the monster as a group. In this case quantity is better than quality. Remember – if you go it alone or as a pair, you are setting yourself up for being part of one hell of a cliche.
Don’t try to take on the monster with your bare hands. Even if you have some wicked Ninja moves, showing off will get you nowhere. The killer will most likely have a weapon. So don’t even bother if you’re not armed.
If you think that you have killed the monster, make sure that you have decapitated it and severed each of its limbs. If you only have a gun, keep shooting at it in the head and heart until you have run out of ammo. Then reload and repeat. You will then need to burn it afterwards.
If they don’t tell you what the food is or whats in it, don’t eat it.
Also, if your friend is sitting on a chair and won’t answer you, don’t go and see if he/she is ok.
Stay with the smart people who know what they are doing.
Don’t be a police officer.
Don’t go into the water.
eddie izzard, of all people, provides some good horror film survival tips.
“the forest of death and blood? is there a story behind that?”
“yes, everyone who goes there dies of death and blood”
@jayhawk (120): Finally! I can’t believe it took until comment 120 for someone to point that out. My advice would actually be… Never go outside to “take a look around” as that’s when the killer will sneak into your house. If you absolutely must open the door to take a look, don’t step away from the doorway. This way they can’t sneak in behind you.
Tips for survival.
1. Always be the guy who just escaped from prison. No one will trust you, but you will be willing to do what it takes to survive.
2. If you wake up in a strange room with a talking doll on a TV, do exactly what it says. Pain is better than death.
3. Be the guy everyone makes fun of. You will survive and get the girl if she is still alive.
4. If you are in a closet and the killer/monster doesn’t check there, it will leave the room until you sigh and then appear in front of the door and break it down.
5. Your car will not start until the monster/killer is almost to your car, so don’t be in such a rush. And when you do drive away be ready, he will be around the first corner you take so don’t swerve or hit the brakes.
GO FASTER!!!!
6. If the girl of your dreams shows up in your room in the middle of the night, don’t get exited, It’s not her and you are dead.
7. If you hear a child laughing when you are the only one home, you are dead.
8. Kill the guy that no one suspects. He is always the killer.
9.If someone falls and says “Go on without me.”, then do what they say.
10. If you are the monster/killer, just be patient because the person will break all of these rules.
Never hide in a cupboard or a walk-in closet – especially those with slats that you can peek through.
The first thing you should do when picking up a gun is to TAKE THE DAMN SAFETY CATCH OFF. Then fire a warning shot. If the gun goes ‘click’ you then have three seconds to sort it out, or lob it at the floor (with the barrel pointing towards your attacker); as it’s now bound to go off.
If everything goes dark all-of-a-sudden, never strike a single match and wander over to the junction box.
Finally, if you are ever trapped in a room by ghosts, go around and smash everything you can before they lob them back at you. ….And if you must jump out of the window to your death, grab a bed mattress and jump out with it – then you’ll have a 50/50 chance of survival.
If you are watching a video and there is a little girl with wet, stringy, black hair crawling closer and closer towards the camera, run from the room and lock the door from the outside. She is coming through the television and she will kill you.
If you see any children with stringy black hair lurking in strange corners who don’t answer you when you speak to them, don’t assume they need your help. Run! They are undead and thus beyond all help – and they will kill you.
how about dont go towards the mysterious loud music?
(82) – General Tits Von Chodehoffen has the best name on listverse.
LOL nice… i’ve always thought it would be a good idea to play dead if you have been shot or wounded… I never understand why people get shot and are super weak, and still try to get up and kill the monster when they are obviously about to die. If you play dead the monster might think you’re dead and go away.
Oh and don’t hide in places where there is no other door to escape out of like a room with no windows that goes outside. For example bathrooms, closets, etc.
If #5 was followed by everyone, Harry Potter wouldn’t have survived the second movie.
@Amy (89): I love it!
My only two cents – Run the heck AWAY! And don’t stop until you pass the state line!!!!!
Honey I’m home!
Honey? You there?
Meh, I’m gonna get naked and take a shower.
@kat (130): Of course! I shudda remembered that one
Nice list
my only survival tip is pack a lot of drugs and get high…
at least you’ll die in peace…
MY GOD!!! So Funny!! LOL, permit me to re-post it in my blog will ya?…please? thanks. Just wanna share to my friends in indonesia.
LOL =D I’m gonna freak out now.. JK *checks under the bed, in the closet, and behind the door for strange men with chainsaws JUST IN CASE*
GET LAID. Virgins will always get sacrificed first.
Anything that you ever thought was cute…will now try to kill you!!
http://pryankleid.wordpress.com/
I only see 2 people *****ing about this list… you know who you are.
Never use the elevator, it will get stuck.
Scratching noises mean you are just seconds from a painful death.
Try not to make friends with ANYONE attractive. Do things that will make them be rude to you. However, this could go either one of 2 ways. If you decide to do this, start packing heat, but carry several extra ammo rounds.
1 clip or ammo magazine is never enough. Stockpile.
@Lister (129): Thanks man. At least someone knows a good name when they see it. ringtailroxy could learn from you haha
@Corey (2): “Don’t forget: Never have *****! ***** = death.”
Corey, could you please stop talking to all the women I date.
Never walk into a dark room and yell out “Hello”. Why do they always do that? Yup, that’s it, give yourself away a soon as you walk through the door. What’s that, why don’t you yell a little louder.
This website used to make me feel smart. Now it’s just weird and random
You forgot: Throw old vinyl collection at zombies.
@Geek ***** Girl (147): Lol, that didn’t work all that well though
if you see any special news on tv NEVER change the channel
funny list
@145 and why don’t you turn on the lights instead of a torch? The murder may use the light of the torch to locate you.
If the scuzzy restroom at the gas station still looks better than the scuzzy dude running the place..You’re in the wrong small town and you might as well kiss your ass goodbye now.
I found it amusing. o.O
Especially the “Don’t be a Hero” part, my dad told me that many times. xD
(Y)
If your in a tiny american town that’s packed with Hillbillies and isn’t on the map, kiss you ass goodbye, they are going to eat you.
-If you are a girl, never wear revealing clothes at night, you’re gonna hear something creepy outside your room. If you do, never check it out.
-Always lock your car when your leaving it. Always check your car keys AND have a regular car maintenance. OH! When all else fails,be sure you know how to start the engine without the car keys.
-When you hear creepy music, run away from it immediately.
And, Such an entertaining list! XD
I love the picture you used for number 1. Death Becomes Her is so good!
Pretend to be one of the enemies.
Is that alright?
LOL at the picture in number 6: they forgot to zombify his stomach!
@JAB (158):
Haha, I noticed that too. Anyone know what movie #7 is from?
@sarsmi (159): X-Men 2
@ruparuparumpi (138): Yeah go for it
When running from the monster/psycho killer, do not stop at the first gas station you come to and ask for help. The proprietor will be a relative of the killer, an accomplice, or the killer himself.
Don’t stop for help until you are at least 3 counties away.
Honestly, I was thinking this was going to be a rehash of that tired list from “Scream”. Thank you for the fun surprise, cd!
IF YOU ENTER A DARK ROOM, TURN ON THE LIGHTS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
DON’T OWN A CAT. It’s really that simple.
Monsters, Killers and other creepy things are attracted to cats. They will ONLY enter a house, ship, whatever if there is a cat somewhere nearby. They either like cats or, and this is more likely, they like the diversion that a cat creates so that they may properly administer their particular form of terror.
As a side item to this meta-rule, if you do own a cat and you were recently spooked by it darting out of a cupboard, you are marked for death. Run.
With a dog, you at least have a fighting chance. No guarantees, of course, because sometimes monsters mistake a dog for being a cat. This is rare, but never overestimate the intelligence of a monster.
Devotees of horror movies might also like to check this list out: http://listverse.com/2007/09/20/5-reasons-that-we-love-cheesy-horror-movies/
27 Rufus
June 12th, 2009 at 3:34 am
“oh another one
don’t try to turn something off if it turns itself on
(nothing with the power to turn itself on likes being turned off)”
Dude that’s CREEPY…yer freakin’ me out!
If there is a thunderstorm, the power WILL go out. And it will always be at night!
Great list – I used to watch a lot of horror films looking for one that would actually scare me instead of making me yell “STUPID IDIOT!” at the screen the whole time. I only found a very few.
Now I hardly ever watch them, but it’s fun to laugh about them.
In all horror movies there is a rotary phone. They always tap the receiver over and over again hoping that will reconnect the line. I always yell, “That doesn’t work!” at them. If they would just listen to me then they would save precious seconds and maybe be alive.
The way I see it, talking dogs are the only sure-fire death-repellents. Specifically, ones that have the perpetual munchies. They make the rules about not doing drugs and avoiding abandoned castles/farms/mansions null and void, apparently…
With regards to #3 “travel in numbers”, I suggest making sure you can run faster than at least 2 of them. Fun list.
Zululand and Travis are my new heroes.Marriage,in-laws-give me a zombie any day.
Don’t run UP the stairs. Just common sense, people! Also, you may not want to walk backwards. If you think someone is following you, just quickly peek over your shoulder.
It may have been mentioned in earlier posts, but never smoke pot or have *****! These are the characters that have a lesser value in the movie, and are therefore weaker somehow.
Ever noticed how the one or two people who always survive these horror movies are the smart, nice boys and girls who are the moral center of the group? Think about it the next time you go camping.
Only go to places that have four bars on your cellphone.
“Only go to places that have four bars on your cellphone.”
LOVE IT!
Also: If your car breaks down or you experience some other inconvenience in the middle of butt-***** nowhere, and you go to the only house for 10 miles looking for help, but no one answers the door, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, don’t just wander into the random house to look around!
I never understood that in movies! Who does that?!
If you are visiting someone in their home and you hear a voice say “Get out!” then for cryin’ out loud, DO IT!
Never run away upstairs, unless you’re in the basement. Don’t run away to the basement. The closer to the first floor, the better.
LOL #177! I’ve tried saying “Get out!”, but I usually have to call the cops or pay them to leave!
One thing not mentioned, but terribly important: never, ever, ever, go down the dark staircase, into the dark cellar, or even into a dark room. There’s always something or someone hiding in there.