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10 Ways Viagra Is Saving The World

Cam Kesel

Viagra, the world’s favorite little blue pill, is much more than a treatment for erectile dysfunction. In fact, it was originally intended to work on the common cold – and as you’ll see, that’s not all it can do. This little miracle drug is being put to all kinds of extraordinary uses around the world, and some of them are downright bizarre.

10

Fighting Cancer

Cancer

New research suggests that Viagra may help to shrink cancerous tumors.

Researchers have found that Viagra helps shrink tumors and protect the heart from damage when used with certain anti-cancer drugs. Viagra has been found to reduce the damage to the heart by doxorubicin, a powerful and effective cancer medication, while also greatly enhancing doxorubicin’s tumor-killing capabilities.

The research team at VCU School of Medicine is very excited and is looking forward to further unlocking Viagra’s potential. Principal investigator Rakesh C. Kukreja, Ph.D., says, “We believe [Viagra] could be an excellent candidate for incorporation into cancer treatment protocols.”

9

Helping Unconsummated Marriages

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Viagra can make for healthy marriages.

At the Cairo University Hospital in Egypt, researchers are using Viagra to address the problem of unconsummated marriages. The effects were promising. Of the 35 patients in one study, 32 were able to overcome their marital problems after taking Viagra, with most needing the drug for less than one month before seeing some action.

The goal of the study was to combat marital issues stemming from psychogenic erectile dysfunction, a physical problem caused by mental or emotional stress. If the results of this study are any indication, Viagra may be an effective solution for struggling, sexless marriages.

8

Saving Endangered Species

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Viagra can save endangered animals by replacing traditional animal remedies.

In certain places like China, traditional erectile dysfunction cures often come at the expense of endangered and protected animals. In fact, one of the main contributing factors to the current endangered state of tigers is the demand for ground-up tiger bone. Why? To treat ED, of course. And tigers aren’t the only ones being targeted—customers also go for reindeer velvet and seal genitals because of their supposed effect on sexual performance. In Canada, this used to mean trouble for reindeer, hooded seals, and harp seals.

With the ready availability of a cheap and effective alternative, antler sales have fallen more than 70% while the market for seals has nearly become non-existent. Viagra seems to be helping out threatened species – and in more ways than one…

7

Saving More Endangered Species

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Viagra can encourage pandas to breed in captivity.

Pandas are known for being reluctant breeders in captivity – and it’s understandable. After all, what sort of natural introvert wants to get frisky in front of an audience? But a few of those little blue pills can work wonders for their desires – and they even help with their stamina. Little is known about how pandas mate in the wild, but they’re usually only willing to mate for about 30 seconds at a time in captivity. But with some drug-induced encouragement they can to last up to 20 minutes. Not bad: perhaps a good dose of Viagra is what’s needed to help these prudish pandas get down to business. Especially if it’s combined with the panda porn that has been arousing pandas in Wolong Zoo for years.

6

Increasing Athletic Performance

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Athletes have been using Viagra to improve their performance.

Many athletes are guilty of taking all sorts of performance-enhancers, from steroids to exotic animal parts. Chicago Bears wide receiver Brandon Marshall says those aren’t the only things some athletes are trying in the locker room: “I’ve heard of guys using Viagra, seriously, because the blood, it’s supposed to thin. I don’t know. Some crazy stuff.” That’s right, some athletes may be trying to harness Viagra’s magic for a competitive edge.

Others might be using it to quicken the delivery of steroids through their system, since it increases the flow of blood through the body so efficiently – and more may be using it to combat the notorious impotency that comes with habitual steroid use. Whatever the case may be, the World Anti-Doping Agency is considering blacklisting the drug because of its supposed performance-enhancing qualities, and with good reason—if the benefits are worth competing with an erection, it must be pretty effective.





5

Fighting Heart Disease

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Viagra can increase the heart’s ability to pump blood.


Some consider Viagra to be a risky venture for those with heart conditions, but a new trend is showing that when used in the right way, Viagra might actually be a major treatment option for heart problems like congestive heart failure. This occurs when the heart cannot pump enough blood to meet the needs of the  body, and can result in problems including a shortness of breath or palpitations.

Use of Viagra can increase the heart’s capacity to pump blood, solving the immediate problem, and can make it easier for heart failure patients to exercise – thereby strengthening the heart and guarding against future issues. The circulation problems caused by congestive heart failure can also cause erectile dysfunction, which just happens to be Viagra’s area of expertise. 

As if all this wasn’t enough, Viagra has the beneficial side effect of lowering blood pressure, and is more cost-effective and less invasive than other treatment options. In short, Viagra might just be a miracle cure for millions of people worldwide living with heart problems.

4

It Can Help With Conception in Women

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Viagra can make women more fertile.

Viagra’s effects on the male reproductive system are well known, but it can help women as well – with a twist. When used vaginally, Viagra greatly increases blood flow to the uterine lining, giving fertilized eggs a much better chance of attaching and growing. Numerous factors affect how blood behaves in the uterine lining. Anything from inflammation to hereditary issues can cause problems with both naturally occurring pregnancy and in-vitro fertilization. Viagra has been shown to help these problems and can be an effective – though odd – solution for many women.

3

Fertilizing Plants

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Viagra can increase the fertility of plants – including food crops.

Viagra can apparently make plants just as perky as it can humans. A study at Bar-Ilan University found that when given to drooping plants, Viagra kept them taller, fresher, and even more colorful – with just 2% of the recommended human dosage.

The secret is in the drug’s key component: nitric oxide. When released from nerve endings in people, it tells blood vessels to relax and let more blood through, resulting in an erection in men. This same effect is being observed in just about every plant tested, and it may even start getting marketed to gardeners as an easy way to grow bigger and better flowers. More amazing still is its potential for improving the efficiency of large-scale agriculture, and the surprising potential for Viagra to help combat world hunger.

2

Boosting Growth for Underweight Babies


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Viagra could save the lives of underweight babies after birth.


Nitric oxide doesn’t just help with erections and flower beds — it’s also used to sustain premature and underweight infants in intensive care. The treatment, called inhaled nitric oxide therapy, is incredibly important in the process of aiding growth in small babies but can result in complications afterwards. One of these conditions – rebound pulmonary hypertension – can be serious. At the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit at the Royal Children’s Hospital in Melbourne, Australia, a group of infants were used as subjects for this new treatment idea.

While being weaned from nitric oxide, 15 of the subjects were given a single dose of Viagra. None of the 15 experienced rebound pulmonary hypertension. In total, the babies who received Viagra were out of the ICU four times faster than those who didn’t.

1

Fighting Terrorism

Afghan Warlords

Afghan warlords will work with the CIA in exchange for Viagra.

In the fight against the Taliban, the CIA have often been forced to work with with Afghan warlords and tribal leaders, who often demand compensation for their time and efforts. The CIA had been using every resource available, including incentives such as cash, dental work and school supplies – until they realized something that changed everything. It turns out that even Afghanistan Warlords suffer from erectile dysfunction. Such a seemingly small revelation was rewarded when the CIA figured out that they could persuade local warlords to cooperate with their efforts in return for ED medication. In other words, they started bribing them with Viagra.

Many of these warlords had multiple wives – and like anybody required to please a bunch of women on a regular basis, sometimes they just couldn’t get it up. Such was the case with one 60-year old warlord with four wives who graciously accepted the CIA’s offer of Viagra. He repaid their generosity with detailed intel, including the Taliban’s whereabouts and supply route – and gave them permission to do whatever they wanted in the area he controlled. But not before asking for more Viagra.

Cam is an unreasonably poor high school student who freelances to support his nasty candy-eating habit. If you want to praise him/send him some money, you can find him on Facebook here.