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Top 10 Bizarre Animal Mating Rituals

Here is a topic about the birds and the bees – as it relates to the animal kingdom. This is a selection of 10 of the most bizarre mating rituals known to man.

10. Red-Sided Garter Snakes

Red Sided Garter Snakes

These snakes are small and poisonous, and live in Canada and the Northwestern United States. Their highly unusual mating takes place during an enormous orgy. Hundreds snakes slither together in a large den, eager to copulate. In that pile, one female may have as many as 100 males vying for her. These ‘nesting balls’ grow as large as two feet high. Now and then a female is crushed under the heavy mound.

Interesting Fact: Some male garter snakes are able to release the same scent that females release, causing them to be mounted by hundreds of other snakes. Scientists believe this may be for warmth and protection.

9. Argonaut

Argonaut

Argonauts exhibit extreme sexual dimorphism in size and lifespan. Females grow up to 10 cm and make shells up to 30 cm, while males rarely surpass 2 cm. The males only mate once in their short lifetime. The males lack the dorsal tentacles used by the females to create their eggcases. The males use a modified arm, the hectocotylus, to transfer sperm to the female. For fertilization, the arm is inserted into the female’s pallial cavity, then is detached from the male.

Interesting Fact: Argonauts are capable of altering their color. They can blend in with their surroundings to avoid predators.


8. Whiptail Lizard

Whiptail-Lizard-Sex

The whiptail lizard is an all-female species. It reproduces through a method called parthenogenesis. Each Whiptail lizard has an ovarian cycle of 21 to 28 days. When two are placed in a cage together, they synchronize their cycles so they are opposite. For 10 to 14 days, one of the females will act male, which means she mounts the other. The remaining Whiptail takes the female role by receiving; then they switch roles. This is unusual as neither is truly male. The resulting offspring of this method of mating is a perfect clone of its mother.

Interesting Fact: In the lab, through genetic manipulation, scientists have been able to artifically create true male whiptail lizards.

7. Anglerfish

Anglerfish

The Anglerfish has one of the most unique mating methods. When a male is born, it has no digestive system so it needs to find a female (all of which do have digestive systems) quickly. When it finds a suitable female, it latches on to the side of her by biting her and it releases an enzyme that melts her skin causing the two to fuse together. The male then wastes away and the female has a permanent supply of sperm to fertilize her eggs on demand.

Interesting Fact: The anglerfish is a culinary speciality in certain Asian countries. In Japan, each fish sells for as much as $150 USD.


6. Bedbug

Bedbug

Bedbugs mate by “traumatic insemination” – what this means is that the male doesn’t even bother with the female sexual organs – it simply stabs the female with its own sword like sexual organ in any part of her body. Lovely. This form of mating is thought to have evolved as a way for males to overcome female mating resistance.

Interesting Fact: Bedbugs are generally active only at dawn, with a peak attack period about an hour before dawn.

5. Giant Panda

Giantpanda

Giant Pandas are famously difficult to get to mate in captivity – at least until some bright spark in China discovered that showing them panda porn seems to help increase their libido! In 1998 the result of showing panda porn lead to the population of pandas in Wolong zoo to more than double.

Interesting Fact: Two of President Theodore Roosevelt’s sons were the first Westerners to shoot a giant panda for sport.


4. Percula Clownfish

Clownfish

The star fish in Finding Nemo is a clownfish. What most people don’t know, is that Nemo was neither a boy nor a girl – s/he was both! Clownfish can change gender! They will normally live together in a small group – the largest is the female, the second largest is the male, and the rest are non-mating males. If the female dies, the largest male will become the female, and the largest of the non-mating males will be promoted to the mating male.

Interesting Fact: Clownfish and damselfish are the only fish that can avoid the potent stings of an anemone.

3. Giraffe

Giraffe

Female giraffes associate in groups of a dozen or so members, occasionally including a few younger males. Males tend to live in “bachelor” herds, with older males often leading solitary lives. Reproduction is polygamous, with a few older males impregnating all the fertile females in a herd. Male giraffes determine female fertility by nudging the females backside until she urinates in his mouth – he uses the taste to determine whether the female is in heat.

Interesting Fact: Giraffes have extremely long tongues – often up to 45cm.


2. Porcupine

Porcupine

Female porcupines are only interested in sex for 8-12 hours per year. Interested males will stand on their hind legs and spray a female with urine. If she is ready and interested, she will expose her quill-less belly to the male and they will mate until they are both exhausted. if the male tires before the female, she will seek another male to take his place. If a female is not ready or interested in a male, she will make a screaming noise and shake the males urine off herself.

Interesting Fact: Porcupine meat is valued as a food for humans in parts of Africa, Italy, and Vietnam.

1. The Spotted Hyena

Hyena

Unlike most other hyenas, the female spotted hyena has a pseudo-penis (enlarged clitoris). Female hyenas give birth, copulate, and urinate through their protruding genitalia, which stretches to allow the male penis to enter for copulation, and it also stretches during birth. The anatomical position of the genitalia gives females total sexual control over who is allowed to mate with them. The female is also larger than the male. In the spotted hyena family, the female really does wear the pants.

Interesting Fact: Hyenas, unlike other canids, do not raise their leg when urinating.

Listverse Staff

Listverse is a place for explorers. Together we seek out the most fascinating and rare gems of human knowledge. Three or more fact-packed lists daily.

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  • chershey

    I think I would screech and shake the male's urine off me *every* time.

    • Lizet

      A hair grows from its follicle at an aarvege rate of about 1 / 2 inch per month. Each hair grows for 2 to 6 years, then rests and then falls out. A new hair soon begins growing in its place. At any time to grow about 85% and 15% of the hair occurs ruht.Kahlheit when the hair is not new hair to grow in its place. The reason for the inability to new hair growth in female hair loss is not well understood, but it is with genetic predisposition associated, aging, and levels of endocrine hormones influence (particularly androgens, the male sex hormones). Changes in the levels of androgens can hair production. For example, having found the hormonal changes of menopause, many women find that their hair is thinning on the head, while facial hair is coarser. Although new hair is not produced, follicles remain alive, what is the possibility of the growth of new hair loss Haare.Weibliche usually different from that of male hair loss. The hair thins all over the head, but the frontal hairline is maintained. There may be a moderate loss of hair on the crown, but this rarely continue to have complete or almost bare, as it can at Me4nnern.Haarausfall can women for reasons other than female hair loss, including the following occur: Temporary loss of hair ( telogen effluvium), breaking of hair (from such things as styling treatments and twisting or pulling of hair), patchy areas of hair loss total (alopecia areata an immune disorder causing temporary hair loss), drug-specific skin diseases hormonal disorders iron deficiency hypothyroidism vitamin deficiency symptoms Return to topAusdfcnnung the hair on the total head hair loss at the crown or hairline, mild to moderate examinations and tests Return to topWeibliche hair loss is usually based on the appearance and pattern of hair loss and by excluding other causes of hair loss festgestellt.Eine skin biopsy or other procedures are used to medical illnesses that cause hair loss diagnostizieren.Die analysis of hair itself is not to diagnose exactly diet or similar causes of hair loss, although substances such as arsenic or lead can be permanently offenbaren.Die Return to Topden treatment of hair loss female hair loss. In most cases it is easy to moderate. No treatment is required if the person is comfortable with her Aussehen.Das approved only one drug or drugs by the United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to treat female pattern baldness is minoxidil, used on the scalp. For women, the recommended concentration of 2%. Minoxidil may help hair grow in 20% to 25% of the female population, and in the majority may slow or stop the hair loss. The treatment is expensive, however, and hair loss starts again when minoxidil use is gestoppt.Haartransplantation from removal of small plugs of hair from areas where hair grows and it has continued in areas that are bare. This can cause minor scarring in the donor area and carries a modest risk for skin infections. The procedure usually requires multiple transplantation sessions and may be expensive. However, results are often very good and dauerhaft.Die use of hair implants of artificial fibers was approved by the FDA is due to the high infection rate verboten.Stitching (sewing) hairpieces to the scalp is not recommended. It may be in scars, infections and abscesses of the scalp ffchren.Hairweaving, hairpieces, or change of hairstyle may disguise hair loss and improve cosmetic appearance. This is often the cheapest and safest method of dealing with female Haarausfall.Outlook (prognosis) Back to the top female hair loss is of cosmetic significance and does not have a medical disorder, but it can cause self-esteem or fear influence. Hair loss is usually permanent.Mf6gliche Complications Return to topKomplikationen are psychological stress and a loss of self-esteem through vere4ndern.Wenn in appearance to contact a doctor topRufen Return to your doctor if hair loss occurs and persists, especially if it itches , skin irritation or other symptoms. It could be a treatable medical cause for hair loss sein.Pre4vention Return to Topes is no known prevention of female hair loss.

  • Rob cairl

    not a contributor, love your web site but….garter snakes are NOT poisonous

    • Abby

      you should try out diernfeft sexual positoins. if the man is to big the woman should be on top so she can control how far in it goes. if the man is to small you could try to have the woman put her legs on the mans shoulders and try to have intercourse that way.

  • Joss

    I can't get over the panda pr0n.

    • Flo

      No way! Genital warts are VERY contagious. Just skin to skin cnatoct ONCE is enough to get them. You can even get them from somebody touching their genitals and then touching you. I feel sorry for her boyfriend. Poor bastard

  • Mom424

    The whiptail lizard dry humps to get in the mood?
    I like wine and compliments!

    • Lizardmancalcos

      the whiptail lizards are all lesbians.

  • Mystern

    FIRST! First.

  • Moriarti

    I’m glad human females aren’t like porcupines eh?

  • Mystern

    Wow. And I thought I had some weird rituals in bed . . .

  • Moriati: I imagine virtually 100% of the female population would agree with you :)

    Mystern: maybe you could put them on a list? :)

  • bucslim

    I was going to go into detail about kiwiboi’s mom and her bizarre behavior in bed, but I have a lot of work to do today.

  • Mystern

    JF: Oh? are we allowed to submit NSFW lists now? I know there’s a section but the contribute page still says not to.

  • Wow. Some of them are so fucking wierd… The clownfish, anglerfish & lizard are really bizzare.

    I don’t think the giant panda really belongs on this list, they only have small libidos…

    “If a female is not ready or interested in a male, she will make a screaming noise and shake the males urine off herself.” That made me laugh so much! I’m sure a lot of women would scream if a guy pissed on her!

  • Mystern: sure – I have decided not to write any more myself – but I will definitely consider posting others if I like them :)

    dangorironhide: hahah I would say you are right :)

  • Mystern: man – I am so thick today – I guess that was meant to be a joke in response to my previous comment :) Sorry I missed it :)

  • Mystern

    JF: I personally thought your original comment was the best part of the joke.

  • chershey: I am extremely pleased to hear it :)

  • chershey: I’m sure most guys wouldn’t have any interest at all in doing that! Well, definitely not me at least :P

  • Rew

    the giraffe pic is special

  • sam

    I did not know that giraffes were kinky…she really pisses in his mouth? Ewwww…..

  • Shane S.

    Notable exclusion:

    Male mammal sees female mammal at local social gathering spot. Male mammal encourages female mammal to drink liquids made of fermented grains or fruits. Female mammal is overcome by the liquid, altering her judgement. Male mammal further wins her affection by providing her with flowers and/or a type of crystalized carbon, a very rare rock. Female mammal eventually gives in and engages in mating process. Soon after, male mammal loses all interest in female mammal, and moves on to the next one.

  • toolnut

    A lot of these mating rituals seem pretty viciuos. . . . Well always did like it rough though. ; )

  • Mom424

    I live in Canada, Garter snakes are non venomous in the traditional sense, no venom glands, no fangs. Their saliva can provoke a response (itching, redness) in sensitive individuals and may be toxic to some small mammals and fish. I’ve been bitten tons of times (I was a tomboy),and never had a reaction.

  • Brandon5am

    I think your bedbug paragraph is worded wierd “- what this means is that the male doesn’t even both with the female sexual organs ” idk maybe I am seeing things.

  • Brandon5am

    ah thats better jfrater

  • Shane S: Methinks that one should replace the pandas ;) I loved the last sentence in it: “Soon after, male mammal loses all interest in female mammal, and moves on to the next one.” :D

  • Mom424

    I wonder if any of the female pandas get embarrassed by the porn. Man I had to fast forward through the sex scene in Terminator.

  • Mystern

    Mom424: The scene in Terminator? Really? What did you do about the orgy in the Matrix 2?

  • Blogball

    “He uses the taste to determine whether the female’s urine is in heat”.

    I guess this is like getting to 3rd base for the male giraffe.

    I was thinking If I was a male giraffe and it got to this stage in our relationship and I went to the trouble of tasting her urine I think I deserve to have sex weather she is in heat or not. Sorry if you think that’s just using her for sex but that’s just the way I am.

  • JMurf

    Does anyone know the name of a snail, where two of them hang of a tree, release these blue luminescent tails that spin around and fuse together at the end? I saw it on an Attenbourough show once and it was amazing :D. They Should be definitely be on the list.

  • horsefeathers

    First time commenting, I love the site. Just an FYI – garter snakes are non-poisonous. Keep up the great work!

  • JMurf: that sounds a bit like gloworms.

  • Mom424: forget the compliments – wine’s all I need!

  • Mom424

    jmurf; in a huge rope of iridescent snot?
    yuck, i saw it too. I will try and find out its’ name.

  • copperdragon

    was expecting to see the praying mantis and other insects where the female eats the male after mating.

    are humans the only creatures that have sex for recreation as well as procreation??

  • Mom424

    I get the remote. I’m not offended by porn (most of it), just embarrassed. Lord I can blush thinkin’ about what I did last night…
    Its’ a hang-up, My mom gave it too me..

  • Mystern

    Copperdragon: No. Manatees and dolphins have sex for pleasure. There are a few other species but I can’t think of them offhand.

  • Mom424

    copperdragon; No way, take a look at Bonobos, a kind of ape,,,Straight sex, Lesbo sex, gay sex, man they are the Freddy Mercury of the animal kingdom.

  • copperdragon: you may be interested to know that the praying mantis does not eat its mate – that myth has come about from a badly run study done long ago under conditions that were extremely stressful to the creature – it is not seen at all under normal circumstances or in other less-stressful studies :)

    There is a type of monkey that has sex for recreation – I can’t remember what they are called though. They also practise oral sex and other very human aspects of sex.

  • R Brown

    My wife works in a Jewish hospital and apparently the slang Jews use for taking a dump is “make.” “I have to make.” My wife was perplexed the first time she heard this and of course asked “Make what?” Her patient did not understnad that my wife did not understand.
    Now that you have that piece of knowledge, I found this misstyped sentence quite amusing and, quite impressive on the porcupine’s behalf
    “and they will make until they are both exhausted”

    YEEOW!!

  • rearden

    Hey everyone. Only discovered the site about a month ago; it’s proved to be quite the “time passer” here at work. Thanks jfrater!

    A notable exclusion from this list (imo) is the black widow. While the male is lighting a post-coital cigarette, the female is playing out murder scenarios. Gotta love it.

  • rearden: Welcome to the site! The Black Widow is definitely a contender for this list! Thanks for mentioning it :)

    R Brown: Thank you for pointing out the typo – yet another! I have corrected it :)

  • Mom424

    JMurf; I couldn’t find the snail one, but almost equally disgusting is this slug
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Grey_Slug

  • Monkey

    Mom 424 – LOL @ “The Freddie Mercury of the animal kingdom!” :)

  • Blogball

    I once read that man is the only mammal able to have sex face-to-face. Does anybody know if this is true?

  • sam

    During mating the genitals of male honey bees explode and snap off inside the queen.

  • Amy

    “Sleep tight…don’t let the bed bugs bite…”

    Um – more like, “sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs stab you with their elongated, sword-like sexual organ and then have their way with you!!!”

    OMG! They are so menacing to me now!!!! CREEEEEEEEPY!

  • Mystern

    Sam: OUCH!

  • Amy

    Blogball – I think primates can have sex in the missionary position.

    ***I’m definitely not an expert on this, though. (Thank God!!) LOL. :-)

  • Blogball: no – the monkeys described by Mom424 as the “Freddie Mercury” of the animal kingdom also have face to face sex :) I believe they even french kiss.

  • Kristan

    Long time reader – 1st time writer…
    I actually took a couple of animal behavior classes in college and so I’ve known about most of these. I wish you had found a picture of the hyena’s pseudo-penis, it’s ridiculous!
    Also, there are a few more which I’ve always found funny…
    There’s a type of fish which makes a small hole in the sand and lays upside down. Females generally hide in these holes, so when one lands on top of the male he injects her with sperm before she can swim away.
    There’s more but I’d have to get out my books, haha!

  • toolnut

    jfrater: something about monkeys french kissing just really skeeves me out

  • Blogball

    I would almost pay to see 2 giraffes french kiss

  • SocialButterfly

    The comments on this list are classic!!

    JMurf & Mom424: I don’t know the name but I know there was one in the Planet Earth Caves segment that had irredescent spit. Maybe that will help.

    I’m personally thinking of waking up before dawn now to make sure that the bedbugs don’t “stab” me in random spots…yeacch!!

  • toolnut

    Kristan: ha ha, those sneaky males. This just proves that males (regardless of the species) can be very conniving and deceitful. . . not to say that females aren’t, sorry guys

  • SocialButterfly

    I vote for not seeing the Hyena’s psuedo penis! Same goes for the french kissing giraffe’s while we are at it.

  • toolnut: me too – I was even uncomfortable with the two apes kissing in planet of the apes and they were humans in costume!

  • JMurf

    SocialButterfly:
    No I don’t think it was Planet Earth, I saw a clip of it when they were interviewing him on Parkinsons, a chat show in the uk

    Mom424: The slugs i saw were amazing and beautiful, it was unbelievable to me anyway

  • Mom424

    I apologize to anyone who took offense to my gay/lesbo remarks. I’m actually for all kinds of sex, I just don’t believe in hedonism…unless you’re a Bonobo…

  • Harsha

    Actually there is one type of monkeys which is much better at making out than humans. Saw it on NGC, cant remember their type, but their sexual sessions lasts for around 8-12 hours, indulge in oral, anal sex, and exhibit homosexuality with …er..’penis fencing’.
    Also, the world record for the longest orgasm for a mammal, is held by pigs…over 90 minutes!!

  • copperdragon

    rearden, jfrater: i KNEW there was some critter that killed/ate its mate after mating. thanks for the black widow reminder. are there others?

  • Mom424: I am almost completely certain that no one would have taken offence – it was one of the funniest comments on the site in recent days :) It may even have been funnier than my “tighty whiteys and cosmos” comment a couple of days ago – but I am not sure :)

  • Harsha: 90 minutes?!?! I am speechless!

  • Blogball

    Isn’t penis fencing’ the new sport that will be introduced in the Summer Olympics this year?

  • Blogball: I think you are confusing it with the London olympics in which it will be introduced along side oral sex (as is clearly seen in the London 2012 logo).

  • rearden

    copperdragon: according to the wikipedia article on “sexual cannibalism”, other species that exhibit this behavior are scorpions and the mantis. (is more than one mantis a mantii? lol)

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_cannibalism

    It’s an interesting read actually.

  • Mom424

    jfrater; I wouldn’t mind meeting the winner of that event…
    Lord I’m blushing again…

  • rearden

    Harsha: if that particular species of monkey engages in penis fencing, then it’s fair to assume that they probably play “tummy sticks” as well.

  • Blogball

    Jamie, yes I remember wasn’t that included in the worst logos list?

  • toolnut

    Harsha: a sexual session that lasts 8-12 hours and includes anal, oral, and anything in between sounds a little exhausting. . . but fun

  • Mom424: haha

    Blogball: it definitely was :)

  • Mystern

    JF: For a second i thought you said “it definitely was” to Toolnut. This is byfar the most interesting ‘verse conversation in a while.

  • Mystern: hahahah – are you calling me a monkey?!

  • Mystern

    JF: Um. I’m not sure how to answer that question. I could get in trouble no matter which way I take it. :)

  • toolnut

    Mystern: aaaah, that makes me laugh. That could have been embarrassing. ha ha

  • Mystern

    The comments are the best part of this site. I don’t care what anyone says, they are priceless.

  • Mystern: always better safe than sorry :)

  • heavybison

    So wtf is this penis fencing thing neway!! or is it that obvious?

  • heavybison: it is that obvious :)

  • Derek99

    The male bed bug mating ritual sounds awfully familiar to mine

  • Blogball

    JF, if I post the 100th comment can I have one of them there panda porn DVDs ?

  • heavybison

    #Blogball: U in captivity eh? :-)

  • Blogball: I think we can accommodate that :)

  • goof_ball

    I learned about the porcupine thing on Wildboyz
    Amazing what MTV2 teaches you

  • Mystern

    Blogball: Yeah? Well I’m gonna win and sell it on Amazon.com. It’s gonna be sweet.

  • Blogball

    I will take either Deep Panda, Panda Does Dallas or Getting Randy with my Pandy.

  • Haha – those are my best vids – it is going to be traumatic to part with them!

  • Blogball

    Or maybe Ling Ling and his Ding a Ling

  • heavybison

    Panda does Dallas!! LOL!!! That would be a treat…howz abt behind the green panda?

  • Mystern

    Pandauella?

  • heavybison

    Debbie does Panda…now that would take it to a whole different level..

  • Bob

    How could a mating method “evolve”? An individual who attempted to mate that way (and that would be a behavior, not phsyiological) would fail to mate and thus die off, thereby not perpetuating that behavior. Also, ignoring the physiology, a male who tried to mate this way would have to just *happen* to find a female who could be mated with this way. Would never happen. This is why evolutionary claims of this sort are stupid.

  • toolnut

    DP that Panda anyone?

  • SocialButterfly

    Wow, I’m gone for a few hours and the conversation goes porn related.

    How about Pandas Gone Wild?

  • SubliminalDeath666

    Holy crap, this list already reached 90+ comments!! Not that surprised though….. :D

  • Mystern

    SocialButterfly: Naw, that’s softcore stuff.

  • Blogball

    SB thats funny Pandas Gone Wild.
    When you think about it that’s what nature intended.

  • heavybison

    JF, is that ispiration enuf for a classic NSFW list? Geez, i can think of the howls of protests in the comments already..

  • Mystern

    Panda Passion. The tragic story of two lives gone awry.

  • SocialButterfly

    LOL! @ Mystern.. Ok how about Snoop Dogg introduces Panda’s Gone Wild… I heard that one is hardcore.

    Blogball: Yeah, I laughed after I thought of it. One of those cryptic double meaning ones… ;)

  • SocialButterfly

    Panda Passion hmm?? sounds like it was written by Danielle Steel!

  • Mystern

    I WIN!

  • Mystern

    JAMIE I WANT MY PANDA PORNO!

  • SocialButterfly

    I agree with heavybison Jamie; maybe we should look into making a Panda Porn titles list.

  • Blogball

    Dog gone it!! I saving “Talk Panda to Me”
    as my 100th comment.

    Way to go Mystern.
    Can I borrow the DVD after you get done with it?

  • hehe I have to ring the Chinese zoos to see if I can get a copy :)

  • SocialButterfly

    damn! I wanted to donate the porno to csimmons… ;)

  • Mystern

    Blogball: Of course! It might be a bit messy though.

    JF: You better hurry up, I gots me som watchin’ to do.

  • Mystern

    SB: Actually that might be worthwhile.

  • SocialButterfly: hahaha (re csimmons)

    I am looking forward to receiving a list of panda porn titles :)

  • SocialButterfly

    hahaha… I think we have almost all of them here all ready!

  • Hannah

    Haven’t posted in a while, but these comments are hilarious.
    Blogball: getting randy with my pandy sounds like the best Panda Porn title yet!

  • Angelina

    Don’t forget the small, indie: Brokeback Panda

  • Hannah

    2 PANDAS ONE CUP……..EW

  • Angelina

    Hannah: I can’t believe I didn’t think of that!!! :-)

  • downhighway61

    “two pandas, one cup” is more for the reaction though. most pandas don’t actually look at it in a sexual way. it’s too graphic.

  • Jade

    the whiptail lizard is the coolest one!!

    I don’t think the Hyena was that bizarre, unless I missed something

  • Hannah

    downhighway61: please tell me what you have been doing with panda’s that would give you this insight??? LOL…….j/k!

  • toolnut

    don’t forget about all of the resulting hilarious videos of various pandas watching and reacting to 2 pandas 1 cup

  • downhighway61

    hannah- um. well…. er… i….
    i swear it was for research!

  • RobS

    “Female porcupines are only interested in sex for 8-12 hours per year.”
    Hmmm… so was my second wife.
    I’M KIDDING!
    Thank you, Cleveland!
    I’ll be here all week!
    Don’t forget to tip your waitress!

  • longball

    i think humans mating is the best wierd way…so many cool and painful positions. :) we copied them all from animals!

  • toolnut

    Jade: you don’t find anything unusual about an elongated clitoris, or the fact that female hyenas can control who they have sex with just by adjusting the position of their genitalia? If you ask me if I saw someone with a pseudo-penis it would freak me out just a little. And if a girl could tell you no just by moving her clit around a bit. . . I don’t know that could either make dating a lot easier or maybe a lot harder, not sure yet

  • Hannah

    toolnut: LMAO

  • petey mcgee

    check out the woodcock mating ritual… we have them here in northeast ohio anyway. in early spring around dusk, if you head to a meadow on the edge of the woods you can witness it. hard to explain, but pretty cool.

  • antlyon

    Don’t know how bizarre this is but when a pig mates the male has a 30 minute orgasm.

  • Csimmons

    antylon: thats not bizarre, its just the weirdest f****ing thing ive ever heard. :)

  • beanshide

    so the male anglerfish doesn’t live at all, his purpose is to find a female and give her his sperm? that is really sad.

    and yes, what a wonderful way of having sex, if we follow bedbug: “so you don’t want to do it tonight? that’s all right, I’ll just stab you with my sexual organ anyway.”

  • Mom424

    toolnut; you win the laugh out loud prize….

  • toolnut

    mom424: that totally just made my day!

  • jocsboss

    Well, starting at #79 this comment section went for shit. Very, very funny, guys. You so witty!

  • dastex

    The most bizarre of all is of course our human mating rituals. Bathing, dressing in fancy clothes, gyrating in nightclubs and imbibing alcohol to fool the other sex into sleeping with us

  • me

    BEDBUGS natures rapist

    if only….

    my nights out will be so much easier

  • downhighway61

    dastex- you’re trying too hard. skip everything but the alcohol, it’s much quicker.

  • Drogo

    Pandamoanium – it’s in Chinese so it would need to be translated… Wait a second, WHAT am I thinking? No one cares about the dialog.

  • Drogo

    “dialog” means dialogue

  • SocialButterfly

    I thought of a good one last night… One night in Panda!!

  • JwJwBean

    I had heard about the whiptail when I was younger and single. It was then I realized we woman don’t really need a man. Of course those grey slugs mom posted say hermaphrodite, but sounded more like to men that don’t need a woman.

  • JwJwBean

    okay that is 2 (two) men. I missed the w

  • SocialButterly: haha so wrong so wrong!

  • avi

    Hyenas are not canids they have their own family

  • Gr8flDdFn

    lol Moriarti some females are ;o)

  • scott

    are you sure that garter snakesa re poisonous? last time i checked they weren’t . just checking

  • Drogo

    I hope the Garter snakes around here aren’t poisonous. I had a cat that would bring them into the house. My mom would freak out, and I had to catch them. The dumb things would try to hide under my sleeve by slithering up my arm. Outside I would shake them out of the sleeve, play with them a little, then set them free. They did leave a funny smell on my skin.

  • ringtailroxy

    a Hyena is NOT a canid! a canid is any one of 35 wild or domestic species that include the domestic dog, wolves, fox, specialized south american fox, raccoon dogs, dholes, dingoes, african wild dogs, bush dogs, maned wolves, jackals, coyotes, new guinea singing dogs.

    a hyena is a member of it’s own family, Hyaenidae. they are not closely related to canids, but instead, are closer to meerkats and mongeese.

    so that is why they do not urinate by lifting a leg. they prefer to extend their anal glands form their rectum and mark their scent directly on objects.

    sorry it’s a bit gross… but they proably think we are the ugliest apes to ever evolve out of africa!

    p.s. garter snakes are NOT poisonous.

  • NZSpringy

    Lucky Pigs!!!
    The comments today are A one – had a good giggle – hubby thinks I’ve gone nuts laughing away to myself.

  • jocsboss

    When I was about ten years old I saw a ball of garter snakes. I was climbing up an old rotten stump when the side broke off. I fell on the ground and a ball of snakes rolled out of the stump onto my legs. They went slithering off in different directions. Until now I had no idea why the snakes were in a big ball (volley-ball size) or that I had disturbed what is essentially and orgy.

  • my mate trevor sent these snaps and they are fantastic – how was this knowledge gathered?

  • erin

    someone must have really liked this list because they pretty much just plagiarized it.
    http://www.cracked.com/article_15926_15-most-bizarre-animal-mating-rituals.html

  • Cyn

    different animals. not sure of date of publication either.
    this one was Published on January 30, 2008

    same concept though. :)

  • erin

    a lot of animals are the same though & their descriptions are very similar too. it was published this week.

  • Cyn

    thanx erin…i dunno. think i’ll defer to J.

  • Erin: our list predates cracked by about a month. I guess they liked our one :)

  • gregmonsta

    GARTER SNAKES ARE NOT POISONOUS!!! >>> INFACT NO SNAKES ARE POISONOUS >>> THE APPROPRIATE WORD IS VENEMOUS AND …. GARTERS AREN’T VENEMOUS EITHER!!!!

  • MPW

    try venomous:)

  • Fortey

    I’m the author of the Cracked article and I just had this pointed out to me. Some of you may want to look up what plagiarism actually is before you toss that word around, in full ignorance of the 9 completely different animals on the list I wrote, the fact that this information is available on pretty much any nature website on Earth and that Cracked is a comedy website thus the article was a comedy article.

  • kiwiboi

    I’m the author of the Cracked article and I just had this pointed out to me.

    Muahahahahah :) :)

  • Rare

    “If a female is not ready or interested in a male, she will make a screaming noise and shake the males urine off herself.” That made me laugh so much! I’m sure a lot of women would scream if a guy pissed on her!

    —x–

    LOL! we are not so different from the animal world xD

  • opossum

    hyenas arnt candids. there an offshoot of the cat familiy

  • Anon E. Mouse

    Teehee… Panda porn.

    And as a few have mentioned, hyenas are not canids, and garter snakes are not venomous.

    They will throw up thier last meal in a strange way of driving off predators at times, though. It’s very strange to see.

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  • BooRadley

    Bonobos aren’t monkeys, they are primates, very closely related to chimpanzees.

    BTW, JF, we’re still waiting for that Top 10 Panda Porn list! My favorites so far are Pandamoanium (by Drogo) and Getting Randy with my Pandy (by Blogball)… The Two Pandas, One Cup (Hannah) made me screech with disgust. It was hilarious, though. This is one of the funniest comment lists ever!

  • BooRadley: you never know when – but one day it may just pop up :)

  • Robitj

    So the Male Giraffe likes Watersports…who knew? After that, he likes to be chained to a post and whipped…

  • oouchan

    I love it when I find a list that I haven’t read before! This was hilarious! I love the comments, especially the ones about Panda Porn…”Randy with my Pandy”….I can hardly type as I’m still laughing at that!

  • maiya

    You’ve gotta love the “random list” button. I can hardly remember what I read on the list the comments are so funny!!! Panda porn LMFAO!!

  • I4gotmyMantra

    “Toolnet-

    Harsha: a sexual session that lasts 8-12 hours and includes anal, oral, and anything in between sounds a little exhausting. . . but fun”

    jfrater –

    “Mom424: haha

    Blogball: it definitely was ”

    Mystern-

    “JF: For a second i thought you said “it definitely was” to Toolnut. This is byfar the most interesting ‘verse conversation in a while.”

    I thought the same thing. x)

  • dru

    hyenas are NOT canids.they are more closely related to CATS.

  • Mike

    I am from PA and I know Garter snakes are NOT poisonous like stated above.

  • C

    Garter snakes aren’t venomous, i used to have a big fish tank full of them, one was over 4 ft. long, he was mean too lol

  • s

    It would have been great if human females could also reproduce by themselves like the whiptail lizard.No need for men at all.Wow.

  • ahaha..i think women will get mad if the guys piss on them..ahaha..

  • Ariel

    Sorry, but Garder Snakes aren’t vemonous. The only venomous snake in Canada is a kind of rattlesnake. Also, i’ve been bitten at least once by a gardner snake before, and the bite doesn’t even swell at all.

  • Wow I found this place on Yahoo digging around for another topic entirely, and now I’m going to need to go back and go over some pages on your site.

  • J-Rod

    this is entertaining, except I have to point out that Hyenas aren’t a Canid. They’re their own group of animals that’s like a medium between cats and dogs

  • laughlots

    Another fact: Hyenas are not Canids but are Feliforms meaning “Cat-Like”.

  • jessica

    it is not cool too have a animal in my home

  • priscilla

    it is not cool

  • Rose

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksxrXRtpO6k Any one interested in learning more about Red-Sided Garter Snakes you should check this out.

  • Daniel

    How is the eagle not number one, let alone on here at all.

  • Noyka

    I know this is a super old list but:

    Where are flatworms? Not sure if anyone mentioned (I’m not being immature here) but they are hermaphrodites and have a ritual where they stab each other with their penises until one has their eggs fertilized it’s known as penis fencing.

    Silverfish have a pretty unique mating ritual too.

  • Paul-In-Africa

    and hyenas aren’t candid’s. They fall under the order feliforms with tigers and lions and other cat species…

  • nathow111

    I’d just like to point out: Hyenas are not canids. Not in the slightest. They’re actually more closely related to cats.

    Kingdom: Animalia
    Phylum: Chordata
    Class: Mammalia
    Order: Carnivora
    Suborder: Feliformia <— cat-like animals
    Family: Hyaenidae

  • Pele

    Uh hyenas are not canids.

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