15 Funny Sports Quotes

Professional Athletes are not always known for their intelligence. Many are not especially articulate… okay, most of them are not known to be articulate. This is a list of the top 15 people who made us laugh, either by being completely clueless, stating the obvious, or just by being outrageous.

1. “Left hand, right hand, it doesn’t matter. I’m amphibious.” – Charles Shackleford

To be fair… He can actually breathe underwater too.

2. “Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win.” – Doug Collins

… Almost? What happens the other times?

3. “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father” –Greg Norman

And all of his other parents he failed to mention.

4. “Rich Folkers is throwing up in the bullpen.” –Jerry Coleman

He’s sick? I hope he can still pitch today.

5. “The drivers have one foot on the brake, one on the clutch, and one on the throttle.” –Bob Varsha

Now that’s impressive driving.

6. “You can sum up this sport [boxing] in two words: ‘You never know.’” -Lou Duva

Only two? Ok, can’t argue with that.

7. “When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you’re getting your ass hammered by guys—there’s no better feeling than to have that done.” -Matt Stairs

Umm… what?

8. “The NFL, like life, is full of idiots.” –Randy Cross

Truer words were never spoken.

8. “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.” –Lou Deva… again.

….Ok Lou, ok.

10. “You don’t like to see hookers going down on players like that.” –Murry Mexted

I guess in context it makes sense…

11. “I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.” –Tug Mcgraw

After being asked if he preferred grass or Astroturf, the Tugger responded with this gem.

12. “Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical.” –Yogi Berra

And just because Yogi gave us so many, a bonus: “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

13. “We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” –Jason Kidd

So, you’re going to turn it all the way around and continue in the direction it was originally going? On second thought, maybe you should stay in college Jason.

14. “He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.” –Torrin Polk

That’s the most important thing a college football coach can offer his team. Earings.

15. Reporter: “Did you visit the Parthenon while in Greece?”
Shaquille O’Neill: “I can’t really remember the names of all the clubs we went to.”

At least you well represented the NBA while there, Shaq.