Etiquette used to be the glue that held society together. It enabled people to get on with friends and neighbors without causing offense or harm. Sadly, these days it has mostly gone by the wayside. This list is of 10 of the best rules of etiquette that have now vanished. Perhaps it will inspire some to revive them!
I have made this item 10 because it is more a case of correct dress rather than manners. First off, if your wedding is before 6 in the evening, you should not wear a tuxedo (black tie) or tails (white tie). You should either wear a formal suit or – if you want to be very proper – a morning suit. There is an excellent article here that will explain the rules of wedding dress for men. It is customary for the groom to give a tie to each of the men in the wedding party. If you are wearing a morning suit or a formal suit, give your wedding party ties that are similar but do not match. You want the party to look similar – but not like members of a choir. The photograph above shows you how this can be done to very good effect. It is, of course, Prince Henry and Prince William at their father’s wedding. If you are getting married after 6pm, you can wear a tuxedo or tails as these are evening clothes. Here is a guide for wearing tails.
In days gone by, a gentleman would always open doors for ladies. Whether it be the lady they were driving, or a stranger entering a building, it was always the done thing. This has now almost entirely vanished – and it is not entirely the fault of the men. I have seen women sneer at men for opening a door for them. They seem to be confusing manners with chauvinism. My advice in this case is to smile at the sneering lady and open the door anyway.
In days gone by, whenever a person received a gift, they would write a thank-you as soon as possible. This rule was true even if the giver was a relative. Parents would sit children down after a birthday or Christmas and coach them in their first thank-you notes. It is a shame that gift giving has now become a virtual obligation and the idea of a thank-you note would be scoffed at. If you ignore every other item on this list, at least try to teach your children to write thank you notes – they will have a greater appreciation of gifts they receive.
When people had a wedding or a special occasion party in the past, they would never have considered having a “gift registry”. To do so would be tantamount to asking people for a gift – which is extremely rude even today. It would also have been considered rude to say something like “no gifts” as it implies that gifts are an expected obligation. I can honestly say that I have never received a wedding invitation that didn’t also invite me to purchase a gift at my friend’s favorite shop. People seem to think it is okay as long as they include a few “cheap” gifts to balance out the extraordinary number of incredibly expensive gifts that I can’t even afford for myself! I have seen wedding registries that contain gifts valued in the thousands of dollars. Wedding invitations did not mention gifts – they did not ask for them and they did not include such silly things as “no gifts!” or worse still “donations to [insert charity no one cares about except you] in lieu of gifts”
We seem to have completely lost the concept of correct timing when it comes to parties these days. People leave when they are bored, when they want to go to another party, when they are too drunk, when they are not drunk enough, the excuses are endless. First of all, a party normally has a guest of honor – this is usually the oldest woman present. It was considered extremely rude in the past to leave a party before the guest of honor – and once the guest of honor left, it was a signal to all that they should begin their own preparations to leave. The loss of this etiquette rule is because we have largely thrown away the concept of a guest of honor.
This seemed a fitting item to follow the previous: in the olden days it was rude to arrive late. There was no such thing as being “fashionably late”. Lateness was rudeness – always. In most houses, if you were invited to dinner and turned up 15 minutes late, you would end up eating alone in the kitchen surrounded by the household staff, only to be allowed to join the party when the polite guests (who arrived on time) had finished and were retiring for the evening’s entertainment.
I could write a whole list on the lost etiquette of dinner – but I shall simply abridge it for this list. First of all, people used to dress for dinner – and they would all eat together at the table. Dressing for dinner emphasized the importance of family and healthy food. It is no wonder that now that we scoff food down in front of TV and all eat at different times, that we are becoming fatter as a race. This is one area where I try particularly hard to follow the rules. I don’t dress for dinner, but I sit with my family every night at the dinner table. I strongly recommend it as a good way to build up a good family spirit.
I had to add this item because there is a brilliant and funny quote relating to it. Let’s start with the quote (it is from “Everyday Manners” by Emily Post):
[P]arents must never disagree before the children. It simply can’t be! Nor can there be an appeal to one parent against the other by a child.
“Father told me to jump down the well!”
“Then you must do it, dear,” is the mother’s only possible comment. When the child has “jumped down the well,” she may pull him out promptly, and she may in private tell her husband what she thinks about his issuing such orders and stand her own ground against them; but so long as parents are living under the same roof, that roof must shelter unity of opinion, so far as any witnesses are concerned.
That is how a strong a rule it was! I bet you won’t find any parents today who agree strongly with this one.
This is probably the rule most ignored these days: in the old days, people walking on the street would dress discreetly, talk discreetly, and never do anything which would draw attention to themselves. It was forbidden to mention names of friends as it is indiscreet. The gentleman always walked on the road side of the sidewalk – to protect the lady or ladies from passing traffic (which the two fakes in the photo above appear not to know). People would not look or talk to strangers passing and would never call out to a friend on the other side of the street.
This is another large topic. Let’s give a quick rundown: A gentleman would have never:
1. Borrowed money from a lady
2. Borrowed money from a man without security and the intention to pay it back as quickly as possible
3. Discussed money
4. Discussed his possessions or their cost
5. Name dropped: “When I was dining with Mr Rich…”, “I am great friends with Miss Gottabuck”
On the other hand, he would have assumed the debts of a deceased family member as it was a debt of honor. How far we have come! Money and the pursuit of wealth has become so obvious these days that a whole new term has been coined because of it: conspicuous consumption. There was once a day that we did not try to keep up with the Joneses – because we didn’t know what the Joneses had and no one knew what we had.
Contributor: JFrater
KGLKGL;FKG;KFLKGLKF;GK;LF
Not that I particularly care for the royal family, but the one on the left is Prince Harry (not Henry). I always hold the door open for people (regardless of gender) and if a man does it for me I always smile and say thank you. I always thought that the wedding registry idea was very rude. I haven't been to many weddings, so I'm not sure what the deal is here, but my mother would buy the gift and I'd but my scribble on the card. And I don't think I know anyone who has ever written a thank you note. I just don't think it wa sin our culture ever.
It may not be seen as polite, but I think gift registries work well for all involved. This past summer, I went to the first wedding that I had ever been invited to. It was for a cousin of mine that I hadn’t seen since for quite some time. I didn’t know what to get for him and his bride (either what their decor style was or what they needed) so I found the registry to be helpful. I got something that they needed and that I could afford. It made my shopping quick and easy, and they did not need to spend time returning something that they did not need or want. Making something easy and efficient for a guest does not seem rude to me. They also were mindful to choose things that were reasonably priced and easy to find.
Actually, it is Prince Henry. Henry Charles Albert David, to be exact. Harry is his nickname.
The parental unity quote seems a little dated.
Really late reply that no one will ever read but, I agree. The concept of a mother letting her kids do whatever the father says is right is appalling. And I'm pretty sure the etiquette didn't hold for the opposite situation – i.e. the father probably didn't have to comply with the mother's wishes at all times.
As the mother of a 12 year old boy, I have to say that I do abide by this rule in a loose manner.
What dad says, goes. If my son has a problem with it, he takes it up with his dad. If I have a problem with it, I take it up with my husband quietly, away from the child.
There again, what I say goes too.. and I expect if I say something to my son and my hubby disagrees, he won’t undermine me but will afford me the same respect and deal with it quietly and discreetly away from the boy.
My kid knows he can’t play his parents off against each other, and that works for us
I think the point here with the parents rule is that it’s not very nice for a kid to see his parents argue and disagree with one another. Also, for a spouse to counter his/her partner’s opinion in front of a kid would show a lack of respect for the partner. In the eyes of a kid, his parents’ worth will be diminished. It’s just nice for a kid to grow up in a stable environment with parents who love and respect each other.
Actually, as a mom of 3, I completely agree with the parental unity quote. My husband never contradicts my instructions in front of the kids, and I never contradict his. Any disagreements can be worked out out of earshot of the kids. Whoever gave the original instructions is responsible for deciding whether to amend them out of respect for the spouse. It works great. It shows respect for your spouse and keeps the kids from playing one parent off against the other.
Obviously, it only works well if you're married to someone fundamentally reasonable who isn't prone to ordering your children into wells.
LOL@ the wells comment
I still open doors for anyone
. Also, i never ask for gifts for anything. Nor do i say no gifts or anything similar. Though i don’t write thank you notes…oh well.
I bet that only a tiny portion of society (ie the slightly rich and the wannabees) actually followed most of these. The superrich and the superpoor probably couldn’t care less. Eg for the superpoor, wedding clothes were probably the one set of clothes you owned. For the lower middle, wedding clothes were probably the other set of clothes you owned, which probably belonged to someone else before.
I do not see how money relates to being a gentleman. People from all backgrounds would follow these rules as they were the kind and proper way to treat people. To say that only the rich would be an insult to the poor.
You obviously do not follow these rules. It is not the "slightly rich" or "wannabees" it's the people with manners.
Somethings I agree with on the list and somethings I dont like talking about money and asking for gifts should be a complete no no but leaving at the right time come nobody really wants to stay at a boring party or grandmama’s and her friends’ version of “rolling down the river” at their home. No you find the nearest exit and run.
Because nobody has respect anymore Lily. You weren’t invited to the party for your own enjoyment, you were invited to the party for the guest of honor’s enjoyment. You are not obligated to come to the party when you are invited. It is a priveledge to go. If you are bored whilst you are there, you do not “run to the nearest exit”. You smile through it with dignity and poise…two things most people do not possess anymore.
A few of these I would like to see return to modern society. Then there’s others like the leaving a party thing, I disagree completely with that. It’s kind of like the ‘finishing your dinner to not appear rude’ argument. I disagree with that too. I refuse food from people just because I know that I don’t finish meals so well because I’m a small eater, and it’s very frustrating.
Hmm I need to show a certain someone #1
Never borrow money from a lady!
Great list
x
wow.
interesting list.
i totally agree with the gifts thing!
gr8 work! gr8 brain! I don’t know such etiquettes b4.
They have indeed been lost, but who is to say we are worse off without these rules of etiquette?
Times change, and with them, etiquette.
Alloy guns on the list, g. These days, if you display classic manners you are not PC and are even called a *****ist sometimes. Seems the best way would be to act like Koreans as they have a culture is absolutely devoid of manners and social graces.
ligeia: In fact, he is Prince Henry of Wales. Let me quote from wikipedia:
Full article here.
Are we supposed to live like in a Jane Austen novel? (maybe not such a bad idea)
ligeia: thank you cards have only recently vanished – they were still in common practice in the 1950s. The ’60s has a lot to answer for!
Sunshine: the good news is that modern etiquette says that you eat until you are satisfied and if that means cleaning your plate – or leaving it partly filled, there is no problem. For a while it was rude not to eat everything, then it became rude to eat everything – now it is not an issue. The only rule about food that matters is that if “seconds” are offered (which is not normally done in a formal setting) and you accept them, you should eat everything – it makes you look piggy to take a larger second helping than you can eat
Quite practical I think.
davern: the quote is from the 1920s, so the English does sound dated. I think parents should absolutely be united – but the example given is incredibly unlikely.
jfrater: ok, fair enough, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard of him being referred to as Henry. We (here in Ireland) get far too much British media, all the British tabloids, Sky News, BBC etc. and I’ve never heard him being called Henry. He’s the ‘rebel prince’, headlines such as ‘Harry’s Nazi Scandal’ (he dressed as one for a fancy dress party) and ‘Harry punches paparazzi’ was another. He went mental after some photographer tried to take a picture of him stumbling out of a nightclub.
I was born in the 80s so I couldn’t tell you about the 50s/60s. I’ll ask my mam if she ever wrote any.
I’m 26 and my sisters and I were raised to write thank you notes as soon as we could hold a writing utensil. I hated it as a child, but as an adult, I wouldn’t dream of not sending one, usually written as soon as I get home/ everyone leaves. My children will do the same.
Wow, if only all the obnoxious teenagers would follow these etiquettes, its one step to creating a better place.
The absolute number 1 that was not listed was to always, always say please and thank you.
The fact that this is disappearing in the Western world’s parental teachings is painfully obvious in teenagers. Although when a young person or child exhibits such good manners it stands out and brings a smile to my face.
Etiquette and good manners cost nothing (well, maybe the clothes etc.) but can make or break a person later in life. Maybe it’s a result of the American, or Western, attitude of personal freedom, or in other words “who cares what you think”.
The only thing that can bring it back is humility.
Thanks for rubbing my nose in my old fashionedness.
I feel so mucher older now.
very interesting list although im quite happy most of them arn’t around these days, most of them are unnecessary and rather silly. but some of them i believe should be still around, like opening a door for a lady and the wedding dress codes.
Actually it is rude to allow a woman to enter any kind of mechanical door before a gentleman so lift dorrs and revolving door are to be negotiated by men first, In a lot of cases women can be offended when I rush past them in these suituations , so i have to explain to them the correct ettequite which is also rude.
I can tell you from experience, that if you didn’t say yes mame, no mame, yes sir, no sir to adults growing up in the south in the 60′s you got a wood shampoo.
Jamie, you will be happy to know that etiquette and manners are also called “The Southern Way.’ We still practice all of those things today, and to transgress one of these items would be called “tacky.”
Or “Yankee.”
Mmm, the wedding registry has been around for over 80 years. These days it is generally considered rude NOT to provide a registry – as it makes it much more difficult for guests to buy gifts. Things not to do – register for only expensive things, include registry info in the invite. One should ask about a registry if one wants to buy from one. This isn’t a lost rule of etiquette but an adjusted rule of etiquette. Don’t believe me? Ask the Posts! (or google them)
Ok, kidding, but I’ve never seen it. As far as I am concerned, everyone should open the door for everyone if they happen to be in close range.
The gift registry is not considered “asking” for gifts, but is instead a list of suggestions. A guest is not required to buy from the registry, look at the registry, or ask where the couple is registered.
As for opening doors, I think this whole “dirty look” thing is a myth perpetrated by chauvinists
In the United States people usually only tolerate Paris Hilton being late. I guess I don’t know for certain, but it seems even though punctuality has lost its importance in many parts of the world, the US has retained more old-fashioned expectations for timeliness. People are definitely considered very rude if they’re late where I’m from (Michigan). My friends who travel have told me being on time isn’t that important in Europe and I know its not in Mexico, but it is here. Its a pain, everyone thinks I’m a dick – I just get sidetracked.
I think its good these rules of etiquette are fading. This stuff is so arbitrary. We should just use common courtesy and kindness in general to judge if someone is rude or unconsciousness – you could do all the things on this list and still be a jerk. If your a decent guy you’ll hold the door open for people regardless.
Welcome to the 21st century. I admit, some of these rules should be used, but really, asking women for money? What the hell? That’s *****ist.
I’m not marrying until I find a woman that agrees with me on Parental Unity. Even if it’s never.
I have standards.
I always, always find lateness really impolite, especially when the person doesn’t call and tell you, or apologize for it!
Another one that really bugs me is when people spit in the street. It’s just nasty.
I blame US television and celebrity culture for the general decline in etiquette.
Thank you cards are really great idea
And about gifts, I love recieving them but asking for them is a complete no-no….
And yes, men opening the door are always great…a bit of chivalry is always needed, but some men really go so excessive with it that one has to yell. ‘Stop buggin me.’
warrrreagl (24): hahaha
Kazorek (27): ‘This stuff’ is not arbitrary. These, and more, are the rules that enabled and defined what you are calling ‘common curtesy’. They also provided a common ground for diverse cultures to communicate and interact. An area where we can do a bit better today. In addition, generally etiquitte rules are like language rules in that they define the education and status of person. For example, no one with any pride would arrive late, just as no one would confuse “your” and “you’re”.
Jamie: Excellent list. Except for 10 (I didn’t go to many weddings), this is the way I was brought up, and still follow.
There is some discussion on street-side vs. building side. The comment about street-side dangers is correct. However, in some areas (mainly residential) the men walked on the building side – due to the common practice of the tossing of trash (or emptying night buckets) out the window.
Perhaps another ‘lost rule’ is that we often forget is to express gratitude. On this day (especially), lets say ‘thank you’.
I think 9 out of 10 is a pretty good score. I am not known for ‘being on time’ regularly – - – however I tend to observe all the others: I am truly shocked if even relatives start discussing money or asking questions about it of me – and ‘acquaintances’ get VERY short shrift if they try to do the same.
My wife and I get the ‘unity’ thing right most times – but we DO take each other to task in private if we think the other is wrong or has criticised them for a decision / judgement in public.
As for the others – I always try to walk curb-side of my wife, try to maintain discretion on the street (being naturally introverted tends to mean I don’t like drawing attention to myself anyway) and I have ALWAYS held the door for ladies (and men) – I even got a rollicking off a boss when I was in Youth Work for doing so saying I was going to get abused by some rampant feminist for doing so; I just said – ‘my mother would spin in her grave if I didn’t do so – she spent a LOT of time teaching an awkward, shy Asperger the basics of ‘social etiquette’ and I wouldn’t want to dissapoint her. ‘.
I totally agree with parental unity. My parents were like this and I try my very best to be so with my little girl. And I have always written Thank You notes, even for my little ones gifts, until she can write them herself. Good manners are rarely seen anymore…what a shame.
Great List!!!
Anita and I still have my Mother’s (unsolicited!) wedding present, ‘Woman’s Own Book of the Home’ (1931), which contains heaps of useful hints and recipes.
There is plenty of contemporary etiquette for the average middle class Brit of the era, mostly spread around under alphabetical headings. I’m afraid they’re rather long, but I thought someone (Jamie?) might be interested or amused by the following two examples (I’ll split them into two posts and at different times):
“TABLE MANNERS
……DO NOT:
1) Break lumps of bread into a plate to soak up surplus gravy or sauce.
2) Bite or cut the bread or roll served with other courses. Convenient-sized pieces should be broken off as required on the plate, with the left hand.
3) Lay your knife down while eating with the fork, or rest the knife blade and fork prongs on respective sides of the plate with the handles on the table, or lay the knife and fork down crossed on the plate, or hold one in either hand, pointing upwards.
4) Remove and hold spoon, fork, or knife from a plate when sending it for a second helping.
5) Drink when you have any food in your mouth, or with greasy lips that will leave a mark round the rim of the glass, or omit to wipe your lips after drinking.
PERSONAL NOTE: The first part was, and remains, very difficult for me at times, as my salivary glands are not efficient, and I have considerable problems swallowing dry food!
6) Tilt your plate ostentatiously to spoon up the last drop of soup, fruit juice or custard.
PERSONAL NOTE: That was before the WW2, when there was barely enough food to go round!
7) Make any undue clatter on the plate with silver or cutlery, or scrape a plate round with the knife.
8) Critically examine any dish offered, ask questions, or touch it, then refuse it.
9) Push your plate away on finishing a course.
10) Continue stolidly eating your own meal if there are no servants waiting upon those present, but look around to see if you should pass anything to other people.
11) Collect condiments, butter, cakes, biscuits, etc. round your own plate, but after helping yourself put them where they may be reached by others.
PERSONAL NOTE: Almost a decade after that was written, my then 25-year-old aunt was a wartime WAAF home on leave. Her hand flew across the dinner table and snatched the tiny lump of rationed butter. “Nancy!”, warned my Grandmother sternly. “Oh, God, sorry Mum. Forgot I wasn’t in the mess still. It’s the only way you get butter there.”
12) Ask for a second helping of anything at a course lunch or dinner, though at simple family meals of only two or three courses an offer of a second helping of any dish may be accepted.
13) Take spoons or other serving implements on your own plate when trained servants or waiters are removing vegetables or other dishes or plates from the table, or make any attempt to to stack up plates, clear away crumbs or tidy any table appointments. It is incorrect, though perhaps meant kindly.
14) Leave a teaspoon in a cup or pour any any spilt liquid in a saucer back into the cup.
15) Eat with the fingers sticky fancy cakes and pastries, such as those containing jam, cream or custard, when a fork is provided. A whole slice of cake should not be bitten into, but first cut through, so that it may be handled more daintily.
PERSONAL NOTE: On sticky fingers. My mother never tired of recounting about a unique holiday in Italy when she was invited to dine with an Italian count and finger bowls were provided.
16) Let nervousness make you appear awkward if unused to lunching or dining out. Other people will not be so likely to notice any little mistakes you make if you are quietly self-possessed.
ONGOING RECOMMENDATION: Watch like a hawk what others are doing and imitate faithfully!
17) Make voluble apologies or explanations if you use the wrong fork or spill your wine, but pass the mishap off as quietly as possible.
ONGOING RECOMMENDATION. Unless you have the capacity and personality to turn it into a huge joke.
18) Take such a large portion of anything that other guests must go short, or an absurdly small one, but just hekp yourself moderately.”
Homer Simpson, please note Nº 18.
Nothing about licking the plate??? What an oversight!
Read well, folks, and no excuses accepted next time I ask you round. O.K.?
Afterthought 1: Apparently, it’s considered impolite not to belch after a good meal in some Arab countries. We discovered with embarrassment that if you show too much enthusiasm for further helpings of your host’s excellent food in Turkey, the servants go hungry! Apparently again, a food-splattered table is de riguer when eating Chinese, to indicate enjoyment of what has been provided.
Afterthought 2: It must be possible to pick up a deal of information about table behaviour since the earlier part of the last century from films of the different eras. This aspect occasionally played an important part in the plot.
Afterthought 3: That was written under 80 years ago. Our nearest relative, the chimpanzee, with a fractrional DNA difference, has maintained the same *table manners* for hundreds of thousands of years!
I agree with Black-Yami-Cat (#30) about spitting in the street; unfortunately, it seems to be the national pastime in the UK (London, at least). Dropping litter in the street is another one (though the lack of public rubbish bins doesn’t help).
One thing that bugs me is annoying people getting in the way on the street when sending texts on their cellphones without paying due regard to those around them; or those who carry on lengthy and loud conversations on their phones on public transport.
Also, I’m another one who thinks that wedding lists are tacky.
Thinking about it, I could probably write a lengthy essay on issues of etiquette/manners that irritate me…
stevenh: I’m very sorry about the “you’re” mess up, I’ll proof read next time. Hopefully people will understand anyways.
How very courteous of you to point that out for me. Not to mention patronizing me while you state your argument. Your mastery of etiquette has truly made you a gentleman.
Sincerity is the most important form of etiquette if I am not mistaken. Some are not even sincere in saying thank you.
Oh, so if I push my number nine and a parentesis I get a smiley face? Or not?
Lets see, Here goes: 9)
Bugger, I can’t cpimt, it was 8)
I can’t (cpimt) type either!
I use to hold doors for some people and there are few times I offered my seat to some people, all I wish to here is a sincere ‘thank you’
I recall the one that men must always precede women up stairs so as not appear to be looking up skirts. This was a valuable piece of advertised information to nasty little boys, who might otherwise have overlooked the possibility.
for #9, the equality issue has changed everything. Back here in Ghana, I have struggled with women on different occasions.
All this talk of etiquette reminds me of a joke one of my colleagues sent me (she lives/works in New York)…
A Russian, Ethiopian, an Arab, and a New Yorker are walking down the street, when a reporter rushes up to them and asks, “Excuse me, can I get your opinion on the meat shortage?”
The Russian responds, “What’s an ‘opinion’?”
The Ethiopian responds, “What’s ‘meat’?”
The Arab responds, “What’s a ‘shortage’?”
The New Yorker responds, “What’s ‘excuse me’?”
My husband and I follow the rule about having a united front when it comes to the children. If he makes a decision that I disagree with, I will discuss it with him privately, and vice versa. The house would descend into chaos if the children thought that they could play us off one another. As a parent trying to do a good job, it just makes sense.
Booo, hiss.
Actually, I think the “street-side/building-side” standard was started because men (being primarily right-handed) wore their swords on the left-hand side, so if *****ing a lady, they walked on her left-hand side to a) be able to draw the sword without possibly hitting her and b) so the scabbard of the sword didn’t snag on her dress.
Sugen, (44),
“for #9, the equality issue has changed everything. Back here in Ghana, I have struggled with women on different occasions.”
Do you mean you try to FORCE them through doors before you? Hahaha!
Melissa, (48),
Anita wears the sword in our household. Ah me, *****ual equality.
These days it seems that when one says “Thank you” the reply is “No problem.” I wish we would return to the far more graceful “You’re welcome!”
very interesting list and it was entertaining to read.
have a happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Melissa (#48) – my understanding about the man always walking adjacent to the road was originally due to people emptying their chamberpots onto the street from overhanging windows above the ground floor in medieval times (if it hit anybody it would be the man, not the woman). Though there is undoubtedly some truth in this, equally likely is the explanation (per the list introduction) that it avoided the woman getting splashed by carriages passing in the road.
Besides, if it was due to the sword being worn on the left (or the right, for that matter) it would require the man to walk on either of the ‘road side’ or the ‘building side’, depending on which direction they were walking on the pavement, whereas the issue at hand prescribes the man walking only on the ‘road side’.
Anon, please consider not inviting me for dinner
It’s a real shame that these have gone out of style. I think part of the problem is, and it’s an increasing problem, is the idea that everybody is the most important person in the world. It seems that nobody ever even considers anybody else, like the world centers around them, and everybody in it is simply there as a prop.
I was raised with these rules as a matter of course, a simple fact of life.
When raising my own children, unfortunately alone from the time they were 4, 5 and 6 1/2, I instilled the same rules of etiquette in them.
Dinner was always a family meal, a sit down affair, with soft music in the background, and actual conversation.
They wrote thank-you notes from the time they could print, about age 3.
Now that they are all adults, I can see the fruits of my labor. They have carried their etiquette with them into adulthood.
My husband, whom I married several years ago, has always opened doors for me, has always acted the complete gentleman. It was his gentlemanly charm, together with his intelligence and razor sharp wit, which first attracted me to him!
I don’t think any of the above rules of etiquette are outdated. I believe we are in dire need of reviving them! The world has become a rather barbaric place, people, even nice people, acting in selfish “me first” manner.
It wouldn’t hurt to have a course in etiquette in every grammar school in the civilized world. (I don’t suppose the uncivilized world has either people or grammar schools)It would make living with others so much nicer.
And while we’re we’re on the subject of etiquette and niceness…in the United States this is Thanksgiving Day, a day set aside for us to reflect and give thanks for our blessings. I want to let all of my dear, dear friends here on LV (you know who you are, the old and the new), that I am thankful to have you in my life. You brighten my days, you bring me joy, laughter, food for thought, and a unity of spirit one usually only gets in the real world.
FOR ALL OF YOU, I AM TRULY THANKFUL!
When I was little, I wasn’t allowed to play with/wear/use any gifts anyone gave me until my thank you notes were written, and I hated every second of it. Now that I’m older, I can’t imagine getting a gift and not writing a thank you for it – including gifts from my parents. Real notes, too..not emails.
My kids are most certainly writing them.
psychosurfer, (54),
Done! You’d find me an absent host at my own dinner under those circumstances anyway. Still, as I remarked, at least it doesn’t circumscribe licking one’s plate!
I still open doors for women, and slam them hard in the faces of men and boys
I think the people in two are actually walking correctly, from what I was told the men were actually supposed to walk the side away from the road, since people would chuck waste from their windows onto the street below.