“Nothing is certain but death and taxes” – so goes the old saying, and it is, indeed true (unless you are lucky enough to live in a tax haven!) This list deals with the first bit – death. When we die, most of us end up in a coffin or casket. For the average person this is a fairly uneventful wooden box with handles – but not for everyone. Here are ten bizarre coffins for those who like to, well, “die” on the wild side!
“Go to work on an egg” used to be an old marketing slogan in the United Kingdom. However, going to the afterlife in an egg may be seen by some as taking it too far. Personally, I am with Woody Allen on this one – it’s not that I don’t like death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. Even more so if my relatives had planned to do a Faberge on me. Eggsactly!
So, what did come first, the chicken or the egg? In this case, the chicken. Slightly strange coffins have been all the rage for an age in Ghana, and this is a prime example of their style. Perhaps too much white meat is bad for you after all, and you know what they say: the first symptom of heart disease can be quite irritating – sudden death.
Nothing goes better with a little lightly grilled chicken breast than a glass of fragrant chardonnay. Whomever this coffin was designed for obviously had a love of the tipple, and was probably popular in life as they were in death. Or so it is hoped, and let us hope that lots of people said a great many lovely things about them at their funeral. It’s just sad that they will have missed it by a few days.
Perhaps the coffin was designed for a person that liked kite flying. Perhaps it said something about their intake of certain illegal substances. Who can say? At least this person lived in hope that after their demise they would be uplifted, as it were. I would expect this to be the coffin of an agnostic, who perhaps ordered this so that he who may or may not exist could lend a helping hand if he only, you know, kinda existed.
Of course, if the wind is off on the day of your funeral, you may not get the particular levitation necessary to reach the clouds. So, why not choose a UFC – Unidentified Flying Coffin. I personally don’t believe in UFOs, but I really should, considering where I was brought up. This aside, a lot of people believe that death is terrifying because it is just so damn ordinary. At least this person wanted to go out in an extraordinary way!
Oh, the shark has pretty teeth dear, and he shows them, pearly white. Or so goes the old song, even though this shark looks as if it didn’t keep his dental insurance up to date. So, who would get buried in this? A fisherman? A mafia godfather? Churchill once said that he was ready to meet his maker. He just wondered if his maker was ready to meet him. Ditto the great creator if (s)he comes across this chap before he pops out of his coffin!
When some people decide that there is no use living if they have to be good, they invariably die young. This coffin perhaps indicates that the person was good at something at least, in a Billy Elliott kind of way. This reminds me of a joke. Do you know what ballet is adored by squirrels the world over? Why, The Nutcracker of course! Now, what was that joke, I seem to have forgotten. Angelina Jolie certainly won’t be buried in this one. She once said that when she saw other little girls longing to be ballet dancers, she wanted to be a vampire.
Well, one thing you can say about vampires is that death becomes them. I can imagine Lestat taking a fancy to this little number, then becoming bored with it and possibly going for something quite different again. This looks like a small coffin, though. Perhaps it was made for a vampire child who hadn’t been taught not to run with wooden stakes. One more thing: if Dracula can’t see his own reflection in the mirror, why is it that his hair is always so immaculate?
This is another one from those whacky Ghanaians. One can only hope that the person who ordered this coffin just grew them for a living. Or perhaps his relatives bought it posthumously as an ironic au revoir to him and his proclivities. Or perhaps, as Sheridan once said, he (or she) was the very pineapple of politeness. Whatever that means.
One can only hope that it is the base of this guitar-shaped coffin in which the intended is supposed to lie, and not the whole thing. Whether by accident or by nature, this person would have to have been giraffe-man in order to make a proper fit. Decca records, when they refused to sign the Beatles, said that they didn’t like the sound of the nascent super group and that the guitar was on its way out. To be replaced by what exactly? The stylophone? Perhaps Rolf Harris can have one made in that particular shape when he climbs his very own stairway to heaven!
Contributor: R J Evans
I like the 3rd one. classic.
Vin. You read my mind.
I wouldn’t mind being put in that when I die.
Hehe… some cool coffins there. None of them appeal to me, but I can easily imagine various people I know wanting several of the ones pictured
Although not strictly a coffin, i heard the inventor of Pringles had their ashes buried in a Pringles tube
Interesting list. Never really understood why anyone would want to be placed in a coffin, but to go all out and specially design one for yourself is even weirder. Imagine what Archeologist hundreds of years from now are going to speculate about these coffins.
Very peculiar list. hehe
WarningDontReadThis: hey – it is good to get back to our roots as a provider of bizarre lists
Actually – we can combine this list with a bit of a your view – the question being: how do you want to be disposed of after death? My answer – a cheap pine coffin and buried in a grave. I wonder why I love the morbid lists so much!
My choice is either buried without a coffin or donate to science. I won’t have any need for my body when I die anyhow.
ct305: I totally appreciate what you mean about no coffin – the reason I haven’t chosen that is that in my country I think it is not legal just to put a body to ground without one – if it were – a shroud would be my choice – no financial burden on those left behind! I am not sure if it is legal or illegal in the US though.
Believe it or not the rock band Kiss, masters of marketing, license a Kiss Kasket.
I remember reading about a man who was buried seated in his luxury car, which he specified be filled with concrete to prevent people from digging it up, ditching him and taking off with the car.
If it is illegal in the US, I would donate my body to science. I’m sure if I mention it in my will there will be a way to make it happen.
Wow, it’s amazing how materialistic people are even in death. The whole car in concrete is really selfish and bad for the environment.
When I was reading this list I remembered there was a gynecologist who was buried in a uterus coffin.
Whew, I was so happy to see a nice, sweet, non-controversial list this morning. Coffins, now that’s something we can all appreciate. Great list R J Evans. Personally, I want to be cremated. I don’t want to waste valuable real estate and money with a burial so that my dead body has a nice comfy place to rot. But it would be cool to have a funky urn. I think something that will cause my children great embarrassment …….. hmmmm, I’ll have to think about this on a bit.
cheeshy – hehe, desperately needed this week I think
jfrater:
I believe there are no *federal* laws in the US regarding burial. At any rate, it all seems to be in the purview of the states. Offhand, I don’t know what the burial laws of other states are, but New York is fairly strict – it requires a concrete structure for the casket to rest in – so in other words, you have to have not only a box, (which presumably can be made of anything) but the box has to then go inside *another* box, made of concrete. Presumably all this is for environmental protection reasons.
This pertains to below-ground burials, of course–above-ground burials, in tombs–I would imagine the law there is somewhat different.
Randall – that seems so excessive! I expect that makes funerals rather pricey in NY.
I wonder what number 6 looked like inside??
Randall: I believe you are correct. The laws were not in place when arsenic was used to embalm (then later formaldehyde, which is also toxic) bodies. The arsenic leaching into the ground is where most of the state laws began to protect groundwater. This is also true of caskets (copper, steel, brass, etc.) can be bad for the environment. I believe that is why vaults are used (but then some of them are not good either). I wouldn’t mind having my ashes disposed of by the company that mixes human ashes with concrete to create artificial reefs off the coast of the southeast US. I think that would be a good way to give back.
That was pretty cool. When I saw the UFC, I thought it was Unidentified Flying Cigar instead of Unidentified Flying Coffin.
I believe , at least in my state, the reason for what Randall referred to was so that in case of flood the casket could not rise to the surface. Basically it is a large concrete box.
The “green” casket has also been developed. It will disintegrate as the body does apparently. I believe it is called a body pod.
jfrater:
Yeah, it does.. but I think the laws in NY are pretty close to many other states. Funerals are a big business.
California is even more strict I gather–all burials have to be in licensed cemetaries… whereas in NY, even though there’s a minimum to the size of the land you’re talking about, you *can* have “backyard cemetaries.”
We pretend to legislate in the heart of Dixie.:) Unfortunately the thing they legislate best is how to give themselves pay raises. To be a blue state would be so nice!
scarlettangel:
That could be, yes. Sort of a blanket-law (because you see lots of cemetaries that are in no way in danger of flood damage, and have never experienced a flood). But NY has lots of those… laws that just cover everything and all contingencies.
We like to legislate, in the Empire State.
trojan_man:
VAULT… that was the word I was trying to think of… thanks.
Yes, groundwater protection–clearly key.
scarlett:
Yup. New York has lots of faults (high taxes, high utility costs, corruption–not as bad as New Jersey though–and former industrial economy now firmly entrenched in the Rust Belt doldrums) but it’s still New York. Once the most powerful, richest, and most progressive state in the union. The educational system is still the tops, (there are no better public universities except maybe in California, and they’re still relatively cheap) and while we have lots of laws, for the most part they keep bad ***** from happening. I don’t LOVE New York, but I’d sooner live here than many other states I could mention.
I am planning to become a saint and therefore my body will be incorruptible (do I have to be Catholic??)
I think the family I leave behind can then rent me out to people who want to put me in their car so they can drive in the car pool lane. They better return my body though…there are some freaks out there!!
Saffa -
The freak is the one who’s gonna use your body to be able to drive in the carpool lane. hehe
Glad to see an unusual list again and not re-ranking musicians for the 4th time. Random lists are much better than fan boys posting their favorites in order then hearing people whine about it. Keep up the good work with original lists and ideas.
I liked the 6th and 1st one… nice list hope no one fights about anything in this list
Wow. A uniquely strange and fascinating list. I’d never considered myself to be unimaginative, but I always thought that a coffin is a coffin, no matter which way you slice it. All of them are going to the same place after they’re no longer “vacant.” Personally, I wouldn’t care if they buried me in a cardboard box. Just as long as I’m dead beforehand.
P.S.- “If Dracula can’t see his own reflection in the mirror, why is his hair always so immaculate?”
This is one of the funniest lines I’ve ever seen on a list or in a book, so well done!
I saw on a show that Gene Simmons funded a KISS coffin covered with KISS pictures and inside there was a stereo system so the dead person could be buried while listening to Detroit Rock City. But i must say these are quite strange.
I REALLY want that ballerina one. I miss dance.
PS am I the only one who laughed out loud at “eggsactly?” God, I’m such a dork..I love words.
i wanna get burried in a chicken
Interesting idea for the list. I want more background on the coffins. Who commisioned them? Were they all special orders? are any of them currently occupied and buried, or are they above ground.
I personally want an ecopod when i kick the bucket
http://www.ecopod.co.uk/index.php?pageid=Home
jfrater: (trust me) just living in NY is pricey.
Jfrater: I’m going to donate my body to scientific reasearch
I decided that a few years ago.
Ooooo. I wanna be buried in an Erlenmeyer flask coffin!
I want to be buried in the Ark of the Covenant. Not the real one!…just the one used in Indiana Jones.
Has anyone ever read about cryogenic freeezing?
Get this- you can request to be beheaded and then they pack/freeze the two separately and you and your head just float together for all enternity or until they cure what killed you..All for the low low price of your life insurance policy.
Also, for a “nominal” fee(I think it’s $10,000 but I read the site awhile ago) you can kill your pet and they’ll freeze it along with you. Just think..you, your head, and fido.
Give me a wood box, please.
I would rather prefer a more elegant(and expensive)way of turning ashes into diamonds than being buried in a coffin.
I beleive that in the US ‘Life Gem’ offers such services if your ready to part with your money.
‘Neptune Memorial’ would also be another good choice, for burial under sea, which i guess is off the coast of miami.
I want to be buried in something historic, like the resolute desk or the nostril of the statue of Liberty.
These are all pretty cool, good list RJ. Personally I think it damn near criminal how much it costs to die. If I’m not cremated in one of those discount crematoria I want the cheap-ass cardboard coffin. And you can skip the embalming too! (there is a movement here to let you rot and feed the earth, works for me). It won’t matter a damn to me once I’m dead and my money would be better spent on a house down-payment for one of the kids, or ***** even a big party would be better than wasting it on a hole in the ground.
Saffa,
I laughed a lot with your comment hahaha. I don’t have such high expectations, I’ll be happy to be mummified and then people can use me in the pool lane too, I loved the idea! (and it’s a great way to return the money my parenst spent on me =P)^^
I want to be cremated and go out in style like Dr. Spock.
**Spock once said that he would like a New Orleans-style funeral, with a jazz band accompanying the casket.
“I love to dance and I’d love to be saying goodbye to my friends while the band was playing and they were dancing,” he said. “I want them to remember I was a dancing man in my day.”*
I don’t want tears at my funeral, just laughing and dancing. I want people to celebrate my life, not mourn my death.
I want to be used for science. I’m not using my body after death, why not save someone else??
some of these are kinda cool. that is, until you realize a dead body is in there.
i think i’ll donate my body to science.
granted, floppy old lady boobs is not what the majority of incoming medical students signed up for, but hey. it works.
great list, always love the morbid ones.
haha this list was really cool!
So my Dad and I one night were discussing what we wanted done when we die. My dad looks at me and says…”I want to be cremated, and placed in a Bob’s Big Boy Cookie Jar and placed in your house, and I want it to play music too, like Free Bird or something!!!” I looked at him and said, first of all, your going in a wall somewhere, secondly, I will never open it, so music isn’t gonna matter, and if it did, it would play Dust in the Wind!!!” When my boss went to Bob’s Big Boy this year, he brought me a penny bank for my Dad. Its a running joke now.
Cool list! As for me when I die I want to be stuffed and put in a funny position in a corner, or maybe just have my body donated to science, either is fine.
Oh Lord! The puns! The puns!
When I lived in New Orleans:
the way the above ground “burials” is done, for economy of space, they have the vaults of the whole family built with shoot in the back and a chamber below, where the new dead body rests. when it decomposes or anoth person dies in the family, the “not so recently departed” is pushed to the back shoot and falls down with the rest of the bones. Some of the tombs/vaults are hundreds of years old and cave in every now and then, or lightning stikes a tree limb that cracks off and strikes the tomb, that cracks open and out pours the bones of the family generations. Sometimes vaults built up against the surrounding wall of the cementary, collapse and different family bones get all mixed up and the records have to be found and living relatives have to be contacted and so on.
aren’t biodegradable coffins all the rage now?
the so called “green funeral”
#6 is very cool. would be neat as a hyberbaric chamber.
what i meant to type, was that the new body rests on a slab- ontop or over -that of the bones of past family members through the generations.
I’m going to donate my one good eye, my one good leg, my one good kidney and my heart to science… then I’ll be cremated and buried on Haystack mountain. I’ll make sure to add a sticker to my urn: “In case of miracle, do not resuscitate.”
to have a proper discussion of what a service of spreading ashes should look like, see the video below. the relevant material starts at the 2 minute mark.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Qa6zWEaXxz4&feature=related