Top 10 St Valentine’s gifts for the one you… well, don’t love
Published on February 11, 2008 - 48 Comments
[WARNING: This list contains language and images that may offend] We all know the standard gifts people give for Saint Valentine’s Day - but what if you are in a relationship with someone you don’t like? What if you want to break up? Or what if you just want to have a bit of fun with a joke gift? Here is your answer - these are St. Valentine’s day gifts for the person you don’t love.
10. Liar Breath Spray
Got a cheating partner? What better way to let them know that you know, than with Liar breath spray?
9. Shut Up, Stop Whining, and Get a Life
An excellent book for the partner of a constant whiner. No one likes a nag - why not tell the nag in your life to shove off with this book?
8. Severe Acne Treatment System
Are you having trouble telling the significant other that you want to break up? Buy them this gift for St. Valentine’s day and they will save you the effort!
7. Orlistat Starter Pack
Like the book above, this one is a sure way to get someone to break up with you. This is particularly effective on partners that constantly ask “Do I look fat in this?”
6. I Hate You
A brilliant way to tell your significant other that you hate them. According to IMDB, I Hate You is an off the wall Black Comedy about a comic who moonlights as a serial killer, spinning a provocative message about the reality of violence.
5. Sex For Beginners
There is nothing subtle about this title! Give this book to your poorly-performing other half - it will either cause a break up, or they will get a clue and your relationship will improve! You can’t lose!
4. Viagra Equivalent
“The ultimate Viagra alternative. Vialafil can help improve blood flow to the genital area and gives erections that are harder, bigger, last longer and can be more frequent.” No guy is going to like getting this from his other half. Ouch.
3. Sex Enhancing Tool
Yep - it is a paper bag. There is really no better way to tell someone that you find them unattractive than to buy them a set of 500 paper bags for them to wear during the act. A great unisex gift idea.
2. Jesus Loves you…
Has your boyfriend or girlfriend become a fundamentalist Christian and won’t shut the hell up about it? Here is the perfect gift for them. A bumper sticker that says “Jesus loves you… Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole”.
1. Game Over
The great thing about this shirt is that it has two meanings - it could mean the marriage is over or that the marriage means the end of joy in your life. Either way, this is a great gift for a spouse you despise!
Afterword
We can’t leave all of those of you with great relationships out - so if you actually do love your partner and want to buy them a great gift to tell them how much you love them, why not buy them something from the List Universe store?!
Click here for the List Universe Online Store.
Contributor: Xanthius
Related ListsTop 10 Gifts for the Guy who has EverythingAnother 20 Historical Oddities You Don’t Know A Message From Jfrater 5 Reasons That We Love Cheesy Horror Movies |
SubscriptionsLike this article? Subscribe to the RSS feed to keep 'em coming, or subscribe via email: |
If you find this site helpful, please leave a donation so you can enjoy the spirit of giving too.
Email This Post
1. giann - February 11th, 2008 at 7:46 am
im just wondering how item#1 works. or does it??
2. Mystern - February 11th, 2008 at 7:53 am
Meh. Not my favorite list. I’m of the opinion that if you don’t like your partner it’s your fault you’re still with them. And if you can’t leave them (read: have children), that’s your fault too.
3. jadester - February 11th, 2008 at 7:55 am
i think its supposed to improve the lying ability.
4. Shabab - February 11th, 2008 at 7:56 am
No wolf urine?
5. jadester - February 11th, 2008 at 7:56 am
Mystern, I can see that, but i would totally give one of these to my boyfriend as a joke for valentines day, just to see his face. but i have a pretty twisted sense of romance!
6. Juggz - February 11th, 2008 at 7:58 am
HAHA I love this list.
Anything that can get a laugh out of me after being up all night and having a splitting headache is good in my book.
i especially like number 2, i think someone might end up getitng me that one day.
7. Mystern - February 11th, 2008 at 8:00 am
jadester: I guess I can see these as gag gifts. But I’m not much of one for gag gifts in general. My mother once said to me, “Jordan, you have a worse sense of humor than a Klingon”
8. jfrater - February 11th, 2008 at 8:01 am
Juggz: haha - at least the listversers don’t think you are an asshole
Happy Birthday btw! 
9. Juggz - February 11th, 2008 at 8:04 am
Thank you Jamie, always great to feel like crap on your birthday
10. jfrater - February 11th, 2008 at 8:06 am
Juggz: better a headache from a night of partying that being healthy because you didn’t have anything to do on your birthday!
11. Juggz - February 11th, 2008 at 8:13 am
12. Rob - February 11th, 2008 at 8:13 am
The shamless self-promotion at the end deserves a standing O!
13. jfrater - February 11th, 2008 at 8:15 am
Rob: I cannot tell a lie - that was my inclusion
14. SocialButterfly - February 11th, 2008 at 8:20 am
HAHAHAHA…. I LOVE that bumper sticker!!! I’ve seen a different version of it though. The one I saw said Jesus loves you but I think your a c**t. I am not a fan of the “c” word but I laughed so hard I cried when I saw it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUGGZ
15. DiscHuker - February 11th, 2008 at 8:28 am
well, this pretty much assures that you won’t have a significant other past the middle of the month.
16. jadester - February 11th, 2008 at 8:40 am
Mystern - I love that your mom throws down star trek references! Practical jokes arent for everyone but imagine the look on someones face when you give a book called sex for beginners. LOL!
17. Mystern - February 11th, 2008 at 8:44 am
jadester: My stepdad was a total Trekkie. He got my mum to watch the Next Generation. I’ve been watching Star Trek since I was 4. Maybe that’s why I’m such a geek. Social genetics.
18. jadester - February 11th, 2008 at 9:01 am
mystern - maybe… but geeks never get bored! here is the most star trek i have ever seen in my life:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0vfDHK7vsU
19. Christopher Borne - February 11th, 2008 at 9:20 am
My sister got married in #1.
20. esa - February 11th, 2008 at 9:38 am
still trying to figure out how number 10 works….
21. Kelsi - February 11th, 2008 at 9:44 am
I think we should follow up this list with a list of pickup lines. xD Well, there’s already the one of how to reject bad ones. At least something comical and dating related…
22. BrotherMan - February 11th, 2008 at 11:29 am
My buddy back in high school bought his girlfriend a douche and put it in a cute little bag with ribbon and bows all over it and a balloon rising from the handles. Needless to say they were no longer a couple after that.
23. SubliminalDeath666 - February 11th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
LOL!! Nice list!! Oh, and Happy Birthday Juggz!! Hope you you had a nice party or something dude! Mail some cake for me! XD Lol!
24. kiwiboi - February 11th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
jfrater - re the “Sex Enhancing Tool” (aka the paper bags);
“A great unisex gift idea.”
Actually, in extreme circumstances, these are far from unisex. When I was at university it was commonplace for a particularly unnattractive young lady to be called a “double-bagger”. That is to say…you have her wear a paper bag so you don’t have to look at her…and you wear one yourself so she won’t recognise you again
I hasten to add that I always found this type of behaviour reprehensible and totally demeaning to women !!
25. jfrater - February 11th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
kiwiboi: hahahah that is terrible! And I am sure you felt it demeaning and reprehensible
26. Csimmons - February 11th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
I need the liar breath spray.
27. SpookyMulder - February 11th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Haha! The paper bag is amazingly awesome!! And the cheapest on the list!
28. Another Kiwi - February 11th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Quick and cheap relationship ender:
Just tell the significant other you are going to spend Valentine’s Day cruising www.listverse.com … again.
Well, why not? It’s ruined many a relationship with work, will undoubtedly work on a personal level.
29. Matteo - February 11th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Fantastic list, my favorite is probably the “Jesus Loves you…” bumper sticker
Classic
30. Kasee - February 11th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Being poor, I loved #2!
Just saw another one today: a heart cut out of pink construction paper saying, “you suck”
31. angryray - February 11th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
I have that Sex for Beginners book. It has more to do with the history of sex, and less with gettin down and dirty.
32. Mom424 - February 11th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Funny ass list! Much more fulfilling than fast food.
33. Gravy - February 11th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
Those are all hilarious!
34. Ashley - February 11th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
HAHAHAHA!! Imagine ACTUALLY getting a present for valentines day to open it and find a book with saying “I hate you” with a bloody knife!!
Hahaha *wipes tears from eyes*
35. goof_ball - February 11th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Hahaha lol These are funny! lol Hahaha
36. sdggrant - February 11th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
I bought myself that “Game Over” shirt while at the mall with my girlfriend… needless to say, she didnt think it was very funny…
37. Pyrratus - February 11th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Lulz! The paper bags are fantastic.
I actually have the ‘Jesus Loves You…’ bumper sticker.
38. stormy617 - February 11th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
LOL these are all very funny. This was a great list to get a good chuckle out of.
It’s nice once in a while to have a totally fun list!!!
39. DiscHuker - February 12th, 2008 at 9:59 am
couldn’t you just repost the list about weird things on amazon to get the same effect? all gifts i would laugh at.
40. Drogo - February 13th, 2008 at 4:04 am
I could get #9 for my mom. She’s a consummate whiner. but it might hurt when she whacks me upside the head with the book.
41. Devon - February 13th, 2008 at 6:01 am
A rather nasty stupid list…certainly not one of the better ones from this site.
42. jrjb - February 19th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
#2 made me laugh out loud. Should be made into a tee shirt and sold at Walmart (which has an influx of Jesus shirts).
#1 is good too
43. Kirstin - February 20th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
The Liar Breath Spray is by a company called Blue-Q. Everything they make has this same awesome, tongue-in-cheek humour. It’s just regular old breath spray, with great packaging.
http://www.blueq.com/
44. Denzell - February 24th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Ha ha ha ha! Nice list!
But it would so break my heart if my future girlfriend gave me any of those! (…I’m still single)
It’s funny if it would happen to others but not if it happened to me!
45. sir… - March 4th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
i saw the last shirt in New Orleans.
46. Polly Odyssey - May 20th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
I want that “I Hate You” book.
47. Polly Odyssey - May 20th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Oops, I meant movie, not book
48. Howard Roark - August 12th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
1# got that shirt-got odd stares though.