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Crime

Top 10 Tips to Commit the Perfect Crime

Jamie Frater . . . Comments

Every year in virtually every country, crimes go unsolved – and sometimes undetected. When someone commits a crime of this type it is called a perfect crime. This is a list of ten tips to perpetrating the perfect crime. I am sure it doesn’t need to be said, this is not meant as a reference for criminals, but rather as an entertaining look at crime and detection.

1. DNA

Dna

DNA is the surest way to prove you committed a crime. It is absolute imperative that you do not leave ANY DNA behind you and that is very difficult. The best solution to this is to commit your crime in a place that is likely to have a lot of DNA from strangers. For example, a park, a mall, anywhere that a lot of people tend to gather. Finding your DNA will be like finding a needle in a haystack.

There may be no such thing as a perfect crime, but some people still manage to get away with it. Read about the terrifying unsolved cases in The Encyclopedia of Unsolved Crimes at Amazon.com!


2. Relationship

Strangers

The large number of crimes committed are committed by someone close to the victim. The police know this well and they know who to question. Your best bet here is to pick someone as random as the victim. This is especially true if murder is your crime of choice. Don’t be tempted to commit your crime against someone you only know in passing – it must be a total stranger.

3. Proximity

060205-Teignmouthoutoftownsign

This ties in to point 2 – commit the crime in another town. You don’t want to travel so far that you can be connected because you took a trip – just far enough that you are outside of the main area of interest to the police. You also don’t want to be on the road for hours before the crime as you may become tired, or after the crime as you may still be on the streets when the big investigation begins.


4. Type of Crime

Robbery-In-Progress

Chose your crime carefully. For example, you are almost certain to get caught if you try to rob a bank. Chose a crime that can be committed in the early hours of the morning or that can be done very discretely during the daytime.

5. Evidence

Evidence Main

Most criminals are caught because they tried to hide the crime – what they should have been doing is trying to hide any connection they have to the crime. It doesn’t matter if the police know the crime happened. If your crime involves a gun or weapon of some kind, use it and drop it. Leave it at the scene. If you follow point 7 this will not be a problem. If you kill someone, leave the body there. Do not touch the body at all. Do not move the body and do not try to hide the body. And just in case you haven’t understood that last part – that includes using a vat of acid. If you have stolen something, you need to get rid of it as quickly as possible and if it is money, don’t start spending up large – you will draw attention to yourself.


6. Timing

Mechanical Stopwatch

Timing is everything. The best time to commit a crime is in the very early hours of the day when most people are asleep. If you do follow this instruction, remember that you need to look like you are not out of place on the street. That means no full face coverings. The selected time is important when you come to purchase your tools.

7. Tools

Gun

First off, you need good thick gloves. The thin ones are not good enough as they can split and it is possible to leave fingerprints if they are sufficiently thin. Do not use anything you own and do not buy brands you normally buy unless they are very generic brands. This means you need to go shopping. Shop out of town and shop in large department stores where you are less likely to be remembered. Remember: very common brands only. You must pay in cash and you must destroy any receipts, or shopping bags. After the crime is committed, destroy everything you bought as quickly as you can and don’t do it in an obvious way, like having a bonfire in your back yard when you have never done so before. Wait at least one month from buying your goods to committing your crime.


8. Alibi

6510 Waiting Room037

It is wise to have an alibi – though not essential if you have followed all the other rules. It doesn’t hurt however. One way you can do this is to plan an out of town trip and book your hotel and rental car with your credit card. Sign up for a convention and attend. Try to use a hotel with no cameras. In the early hours travel to the place of your crime, commit it, and return. Enjoy the remainder of your holiday (on your credit card) and return home the next day.

9. The Getaway

Getaway

If you are committing the crime in the early hours, the best mode of transport is by bike. This will enable you to get off the roads if you need and to travel quickly. You do not want to be seen on the street walking (remember, the Zodiac nearly got caught this way) and you don’t want to be the only car on the street at 2am! Take regular cycle clothes and wear them. In the case of murder, if you have dumped the murder weapon you should not need to worry about evidence if you do get picked up. Wear an iPod and maybe a fresh packet of cigarettes – you can always say you were out getting smokes as you couldn’t sleep.

10. Aftermath

Newspaper

First of all, do not watch the television and avoid the papers. The police can use these as tools to try to psych you out. Avoid these things for at least a month. Do not celebrate in any way – continue about your every day life. Do not brag about your crime to anyone (that includes posting here in the comments!)

One final tip: if you do get arrested, this does not mean you have failed to commit the perfect crime. If this happens, do not speak. The police need evidence to convict you – if you have done the job right, there won’t be any. Don’t help the police with testimony. Remember, the court needs to find you guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. Oh – and if you do get convicted, you might want to read this article on the top 10 tips to surviving prison.

In case you are wondering how I know all this… re-read point 10! Okay, I am kidding. Really.

Now read about all the people who couldn’t commit the perfect crime in True Crime: 12 Most Famous Murder Cases at Amazon.com!

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Jamie Frater

Jamie is the owner and chief-editor of Listverse. He spends his time working on the site, doing research for new lists, and collecting oddities. He is fascinated with all things historic, creepy, and bizarre.

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  • Me

    You forgot "Trust No One." Try to make everything you do a solo act. People cannot be trusted to keep quiet when threatened with jail or something else.

    • Juri

      Definitely agree. If you commit a crime with someone else, who's to say they won't blab and drop you in the shit in return for a reduced sentence? Best to work alone.

      • kattey

        i agree, people can not be trusted ever. even if you think they wont tell is it really worth going to jail?

        • Dhatz

          it was in the CSI, the perfect murder is injecting air in neck vein from behind in place noone can see you.

          • Bryce

            you stupid as shit Dhatz. how will u ever manage to get behind a nigga with a needle in a specific vein? impossible. What you need to do is run up and pop a cap in his ass and book.

          • Chuk

            I would say doing a Dexter-like chokehold would be best. Especially if you then applied your foot to the neck so that they would die from asphyxiation. No fingerprints, even if you aren’t wearing gloves.

          • Beek Psilocybin

            Dhatz, that is the perfect crime, never thought of it. If an air bubble is injected into the blood stream (regardless of if its a specific vein or one of the many blood vessels) it will cause a definite heart attack which often is though to be caused by natural causes.
            If someone is shot its loud and obviously murder. But if someone drops from a heart attack and no one else was seen what could happen. Plus if the coroner was to find the pin head sized hole, which would still have time to clot and stop bleeding, chances are you’ve had time to get out of town. But that’s only if the family didn’t accept that the victim unknowingly had a weak heart and find their death suspicious. Only issue is if the needle hole drips blood. Also one thing you should mind is the many security cameras on streets in towns these days.

          • MK

            Actually air in the veins is not a deadly as one thinks. Most of it would be stopped by the lungs and it would take a lot to back ‘vapor lock’ on the heart as we are now talking Arterial blood supply. However killing this way isn’t impossible but it will hardly go un-noticed due to the large amount needed as well as the extreme pain! However arterial gas embolisms are a different matter but again they are covered by NERVEs and hard to hit as well as thick. Again that all depends on where in the body. Also gas/air embolisms can be fairly easy to trace due to its tracks left behind. Now if we want to do a good job then we use a focused sound weapon to stop their heart. Only to be seen or heart by you but not out in open public so much. However EVEN IF you were caught in the act of killing someone via sound waves, wouldn’t even be a charge at all. Now we are talking about THE PERFECT CRIME! One that can be done in front of everyone seemingly innocent or accidentally. :-) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDx-mQqzYNw Thats a Large scale fo what Im kinda talking about! Focused into chest area- would stop a heart!

  • Me: that is true – I presumed that people would assume that from the fact that the entire article was written with one person in mind. Definitely trust no one.

    • Sherlock

      Helpful but you forgot another thing. The best way to make people believe that it wasn’t you is by putting the suspicion on other people, this can be done in many ways. Leaving evidence that frames someone else at the scene of the crime and preferably picking somebody who has a previous criminal record.

      • Katie

        But who wants to put an innocent person in jail?

        • MK

          But Who Wants To Actually Kill Someone? (Everyone Here Just About, Who Would Equally Frame an Innocent :-)

  • Kyouki

    im keeping this in my stumbleupon saves…who knows when i’ll need it…right?

  • Dan

    Kind of funny how this is posted soon after the prison survival tips. Interesting, though.

  • brennan

    thanks for the pointer about bragging. i know we all have a problem with that in tennessee. you're at a barbeque, you've kicked back a few heinekins, and before you know it: WHOOPSIE!

    • katey

      Enter your comment here.a nopther rule, avoid getting drunk within a few months of the crime. even if you live in the right part of tennessee were no one blabbs cuz they know they will be killed, probably slowly, better to be safe and NOT TELL ANYONE

      • MK

        Tell Nobody and that includes telling YOURSELF. As stupid as that may sound. Police feed on peoples need to confess. Its a compulsion as part of our human nature. Once you have convinced yourself you didn’t do it, your half way there.
        The reason why they bug houses after murder is cause the killer we verbally ‘brag’ to himself. I was watching a show on it- and the killer out of the blue said “That bitch I killed is causing more trouble dead!” That recording was part of his conviction.

  • brennan: that is hilarious. It seems to happen every time I am at a bbq as well.

    Dan: it seemed fitting :)

    Kyouki: hopefully never :)

    • David

      hey this is very useful. but damn it has to be sumone random? guess my plans are shot. and wat bout if we wanted to commit the crime using chemicals instead of a gun or other conventional weapons? wat i mean by that is how probable are we to get caught using chemicals as opposed to other lethal methods?

      • kattey

        if you use chemicals that will kill quickly leave them at the scene too, but if u poison within a long period of time…well your alwready breaking the random rul soo u could be screwed unless u get an undetectable poison and it seems like a unknown desease

      • Sherlock

        If your chosen victim is on any medication then giving them an overdose could help or if you know them well offer them a weak alcohoic beverage like beer but spike it with a spirit like vodka. It will have to be in a large amount though then the person should die of alcohol poisoning however this may not always work as different people can stomach different amounts of alcohol.

      • dude

        atrepine is fatal ive heard it works as a dermal poison but i would confirm that before that

  • Ikon

    If you used the internet to research your crime online (who whould do that…) don’t forget your ISP keeps records for up to 5 years in the US so use a proxy or Tor and wipe your hard drive 7 times (NSA standard)

  • Ikon: that is true – thanks for bringing that up. It is probably not even safe to use an anonymizing server. I would suggest going to an Apple Store in the next town to do your research. All Apple stores have full internet on all of their demo machines. You often see people using the Apple Stores as a free internet Cafe.

    • kcharlsg

      That is true, but they have security cameras and it is possible–though unlikely, maybe–that they could look up the times of certain searches and see you making them… Also, side-note, a good means for free marketing for a business that has a website is to go to places like the Apple store–or any place that has internet on demo computers–and change the default site to the site of the company or business.

  • Chris

    If someone was willing, I think it would be an excellent idea to fake your own death in order to commit your crime.

    • Khalid

      My God Dibbs!Please don’t tell me you are in danger of ineaanttnsous combustion if your literary efforts are placed under any undue strain. This situation could place us all in jeopardy. Or, as I suspect , is the source of ignition actually derived from the activities of an outside agency?I believe in these circumstances we must all be constantly vigilant in our combined efforts to root out this cell of pyrotechnics.Research, instituted by ACPO (Fire Prevention) PLC, and verified by the Ian Flare Institute of Mismanagement, indicates that the optimum time for likely ignition will centre around the fifth of November next. This prediction has been reached after prolonged investigation undertaken by Doctor Candy Strawman PHD, FRSL, LFB , AFS, that well known expert on explosive outbursts of innocence. Dr. Strawman was of course assisted by The Hon. Brain Padlock, well known as the ubiquitous and ever available consultant to the media on matters of Class B Drugs, European affairs and Flea Infestation found in abandoned and obsolete police stations.Dr. Padlock is of course also known to most of us as a Prospective Candidate In Waiting, for the next election of Mayor Of Toytown, although those in the know favour Borace Jimson as he has more hair. When about to be interviewed recently, via our in house Voice- mail Dectector, Dr, Padlock, in his haste to reach the microphone, slipped and fell off his roller skates thereby sustaining injuries to his Lisp’ and his Sardonic’ smile. Dr. Padlock is now recovering at Champneys .To return, Dibbs, to this matter of your iminent incineration, as I am retired and available for light work to supplement my Gold Plated Pension (based on pay in 1978) I can offer my services as Fire Prevention Officer. You will find my rates very reasonable and I am willing to provide my own Fire Bucket, Stirrup Pump and Sand at no cost to your goodself.I have had experience in this field having been on The Home Office Civil Defence Course in 1955, passing with distinction. I am also qualified in First Aid, Fingerprinting (with ink) Morse Code, Semaphor and I am a Hendon TrainedMotor Cyclist and a Class One Driver (Trained on Wolseley Six Eighty and Triumph 500 Twin. )N.B. I am also qualified in Kite Flying.I suspect it was you ed, why the modesty?

  • Chris: the only difficulty with this is hiding the evidence of the crime – it would be pretty hard to hide from everyone you know or to remain undetected if you flee the country.

  • Vicky

    The think is that if murder is your crime you most likely have a motive and that motive will make you pretty obvious. I also agree with chris on faking your own death. Might be kind of difficult though.

  • Vicky: that is true for sure – which is probably why most murderers are caught. I plan to do an unsolved murders list at some point.

  • markeymark

    I stole a pack of M&Ms once when i was a kid and got away scott-free!

    • i have done the same thing exept with some pencils it was so fun but i was 14

      • michaela

        pencils??? you nerd!

        • Ian

          the only thing sadder than stealing pencils; stealing pencils and getting caught…

          • Bryce

            stealing shit is easy and gay.(i steal tons of food and lighters al the time). Go for a bank robbery like im planning.

  • angelat25

    Just a quick note on the Alibi part, most the hotels that have electronic key cards will have a log of what times the key is used to enter and leave your room so choose a hotel with a regular key. Just make sure not to use this info so you can kill ME!!

    • Jameson

      Actually just to enter the room.. Most key cards are not needed to leave the room

  • Sullivan

    As many have said, it is true, crime is a solo act. That should be one of the top things in this list; People can’t shut the f*ck up. YOu probabley learned this in High School. YOu tell your friend something private, and WHAM! Comes right back to bite you in the ass.

  • angelat: that is true – you are best using a mom&pop hotel that doesn't have the new high-tech stuff :)

    Sullivan: I think we all learnt that one at some point. Trust no one! (as our first commenter said).

    • Amanda

      Wouldn’t it be just as safe to stay home and follow the regular routine? Maybe have something basic planned? I feel like the vacation is too convenient. It might be hard to prove against you but it will draw suspicion

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  • anonymous

    God knows all. Everything has a consequence.

    • Narcissistic Nihilist

      They never caught the guy that wacked Jebus…
      …I think God did it! the perfect crime!
      Except for the fact that God then told everyone that he killed Jebus…
      …Plus he told Moses to kill thousands upon thousands of people. Someone has to stop that sick freak!
      …I know who my next victim is…

  • red x

    If you are comitting a murder if the cops find the gun and ties it to the murderthey can use the serial number and tie it to you sooo scrach off the number!!!!!!!!!!

    • kattey

      that why you use a fake ID, which shouldnt be hard if you are commiting a murder, and if you cant them you have to go to a store( and i know there are stores like this) that dose not request IDs to buy a gun. i’ve been to them (of course it was a murder infested crime filled town in tenessee) buut either way you can find them.

    • asocial

      In Texas you do not need a license to buy a gun… Also, if you buy a gun off the streets it would be in the name of it’s actual owner rather than you….

  • Sam

    #11 Do NOT you ever think about Committing a crime.

  • Sam: I do mention that on the previous article about surviving in prison – but you are right to mention it here too :) Thanks.

  • great list!
    i found this point very important — Most criminals are caught because they tried to hide the crime – what they should have been doing is trying to hide any connection they have to the crime.

  • chris

    red x:

    scratching off the serial number won’t work anymore, they can perform tests on it, kind of like x-raying the metal and it shows stress marks at the microlevel that can identify numbers. Think of writing a letter on a notepad, if you erase it and even tear off the top sheet you can still see the indentations in the lower sheets. same concept here.

  • rae

    throwaways! Throwaway cell phone, gun, clothes

    mom n pop motel – bad idea! they’ll remember you. go for midlevel – better than a Motel 6, not a Hilton, find one hosting a convention or football (any sport) fans, get lost in the crowd.

    ditto inanytime!!

    • Emmakate

      Isn’t that the point in an alibi–the title it was under? That they remember you?

  • rae: hmmm, methinks you sound like you are talking from experience! Not breaking rule 10 I hope? :)

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  • Catch up on prison break episodes so if you get caught, you’ll have a plan to break out of prison.

  • LisUni

    What if someone has had a blood transfusion or a bone marrow transfusion? Since there is the original DNA from the donor, how does this affect the recipient? What kind of DNA would now be in their blood? So, if they were to commit a crime and leave blood at the scene, to whom would they trace the blood? Also, since there is talk of a fat virus or fat gene, if the donor has this then would the recipient now have it? Is it possible for a person receiving a blood transfusion to suddenly gain weight because the donor has some sort of weight problem associated with a virus or gene for weight gain? Could someone get diabetes or lupus this way?

    • ME

      are you stupid?

      • MK

        Umm- no YOUR STUPID!! Yes- Boen Marrow DOES ALter the person DNA and HAS Confused the database. In essence the Dna structure IS ALTERED! Now whos STUPID?! You dumb fuk!

    • mk

      Yes it changes your DNA. Yes you DO take on their DNA and GENETICS such as diseases. Mainly with Bone marrow as you just took THEIR Immune system and now you have it. I do not recall ‘whos’ dna it is when they check it. People have gotten away with crimes cause they had a Bone marrow transplant after being in the Database. Naturally some have been caught cause Im tell you this from learning about it. Now the blood -isnt as extreme BUT DOES give you things you didnt have before. Antibodies for certain diseases. Lowering or raising your resistance to certain diseases. It does NOT alter your dna though like Bone marrow does. BOTH again make you prone to THEIR family trait problems.. Any more Q/ Please by all means..

  • LisUni

    Sorry, I meant to say bone marrow transplant.

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  • Well, I read on web that a man falsely accused of crime with DNA proof then it turn out that he had an operation (I think it was bone thingy)

    By the way, FBI also misidentified a fingerprint a few years ago.

  • Mathew

    In most of the films, the probability that a finger print found on the CS is the same as yours, is always around 98%, so there is a slight chance that it is someone else's. After all, we're with 6,000,000,000 people on the planet, so two identical fingerprints should be possible (or am I wrong?).

    • Leigh Kennedy

      No two people have the same finger print. Not even identical twins.

  • Ozhan: bone marrow transplant? That is very interesting.

    Mathew: it is possible but I don’t have data to verify one way or the other. I guess if two people do share the same print, it is extremely unlikely that they would be on the same print database though.

  • Not enough to go further commiting a crime

  • anon

    Like in the movies that we all have seen:

    – Create a major diversion to send police in the opposite direction while you commit your crime.

    – Leave evidence that will shift the blame towards someone else.

    – Kill all witnesses and anyone that knows about the crime including your partners.

  • Mystern

    Mathew: Having done studies into palmistry and criminal justice I know that the only way to have duplicate fingerprints is with identical genetic makeups. Ex: identical twins. However it is possible to have your fingerprint mistaken with someone else’s. Fingerprints are identified by the endings of the ridges and any oddities within a given fingerprint. Thus, if you have around 95% of the same endings of your fingerprint as someone else, for all intents and purposes you have the same fingerprint.
    I’d also like to add to the list to do your research. I know a guy who tried to rob an ATM once and, having not done enough research beforehand did not know that ATMs have a safe inside them where all the money is stored, though that should have been obvious. :P

  • Mystern: thanks for your comment – it is always really great when someone with expertise in a subject posts here.

  • Mystern

    jfrater: I’d hardly call myself an expert, or for that matter really having any expertise. I’ve just taken a few classes on a very broad range of subjects, including palmistry and criminal justice. In retrospect the phrase “Having done studies” is quite misleading. Sorry about that.

  • Matt: Sure there is a much greater risk nowadays of being caught with forensics – but a perfect crime does not have to undetectable – it is still a perfect crime if you don't get caught and lots of crimes go unsolved every year in all countries :)

  • Matt

    Cannot be done. You will leave something. A hair, a drop of sweat. If you do this in public, good luck NOT being on camera. ATMs take pictures every second, many streets have cameras on street lights, malls and parks have them.

    Unless it’s a bed and breakfast, there will be a camera at the hotel/motel you stay at, even if at the front desk. Can’t buy a gun, gotta register and all that, and depending on the bullet they can narrow the field in what gun fired it, plus they’ll track who might have bought a gun recently.

    Picking a random stranger to kill? Well, that is hard to do. You’d have to plan ahead if you want to commit the perfect crime, so you’d have to work out time as well. Good luck finding a victim under ideal conditions.

    A bike? That’s even more out of place than a car. If anyone is looking outside, they will wonder why someone is riding a bike at that early hour.

    This list…sucks. It won’t help at all. While focusing on what not to do, someone’d do something they should’t have. With DNA and criminal pathologists, sorry, no more perfect crimes.

    • J.Ma

      You're so ignorant. CSI's aren't gods who can find every fragment of DNA that you leave behind. They're more likely to miss evidence than to find it. If you've ever seen a real crime scene, cops and detectives are walking around everywhere and destroying evidence inadvertently. One hair would be pretty darn hard to find. This list was trying to say don't go around touching the scene of your crime with no gloves while spitting and accidentally cutting yourself and scratching your head. Reducing the amount of DNA left, substantially affects CSI's ability to find it. And unsolved murders happen every day. Committing one really wouldn't be that hard. As long as it was isolated and you left very little DNA. Don't go around saying a list sucks when you obviously have no idea how many crimes are committed using these simple types of rules. You watch way too many cop shows where they solve every single crime.

  • Ross M.

    If you do happen to commit a crime and it isn’t perfect, you might consider reading this sarcastic guide to prison survival:

    http://www.voont.com/prison

    For example here’s how the guide describes the hole:

    The Hole / The Boo Box
    You don’t want to go here! If you are very bad the warden will put you in the box. Some examples of what can get you put in the box: Escape attempt, punching another inmate, messing in your pants, sexually assault on yourself or another inmate, kicking another inmate, poking or prodding another inmate with a writing implement, and talking out of turn

    interesting no?

  • Ross: that sounds hilarious

  • butcher

    (english third language)

    TOP 5 TIPS
    1. CONDOMS yes people latex cover urself in it prevents dna from contaminating crime scene

    2. Take hair form someone else and put it at crime scene

    3. PSYCHOLOGIST yes see a shrink(btw i have a masters in psychology and im only 20 :),even if u get caught ull get a much lighter sentence

    4.RESISTANCE – TO THE BLOODY END FIGHT UNTIL UR LAST BREATH

    5.cbf send me email and ill send u a proper list with much more detail

    • MK

      So far your offering bad advice. You DONT want to us Latex but Vinyl! Latex has been known to transfer prints..

  • In my experience, blood splatter is the hardest thing to control while still enjoying your crime. Have you ever tried to get blood out of a clown suit? It’s not easy.

  • Fidel

    We’ll I killed JFK and they still haven’t gotten to me! Oh yeah and that guy Franz Ferdinand, I took him out and didn’t get caught on that one either! Didn’t think I’d start a whole world war over it though. I guess I can just really pick ’em! Since I am going to retire now as a highly accomplished assassin, I will give you all my secrets. These are TOP SECRET so don’t tell anyone else or do something stupid like post them as a comment on some blog or something. Okay here goes:

    1. Use a butter knife or a spork. If they catch you, you can whip out a can of Spam and start eating. Subterfuge rocks!!!

    2. Always kill someone who’s name you can spell. Nothing worse trying to remember how to spell Tqumaambiado Biakabatuka. Then again if you do get busted most of the judge and jury members will probably just let you go for doing the world a great service by getting rid of a major spelling inconvenience for all of those airport courtesy phone operators and overworked copy editors. So uh, just scratch that one…

    3. Always bring lots of attention to yourself. Everybody hates the guy who just screams “look at me” and they usually don’t give that guy the time of day. Here is what I usually look like: I have purple hair with the left half of my head half shaved, a face full of tattoos, most of which are of Kenny G, Liza Minelli, and Leonardo Di Caprio dressed in drag, very tight pink spandex shorts, and a t-shirt that says “You can’t have manslaughter without laughter!” set in flashing pink LED’s. This outfit exudes ordinary so I’ll obviously need something that will draw attention. I can’t tell you what because then you’d be able to spot me but let’s just say that not everybody has an entire swarm of trained locusts following them through the mall. Get me? Ain’t a person in the world that’ll remember a guy like that!

    4. Remember that sometimes it helps to take a little nap before you leave the crime scene so that you’ll be focused and well rested. I always bring along a nice feather pillow so that no matter where you knock that poor soul off at, you can rest in comfort. Another nice tip is that the body will still be fairly warm so it makes for a good snuggle buddy or hand/foot warmer if it gets a little chilly. Worked for Luke Skywalker on Hoth, it’ll work for you here. And remember, the colder it is, the fatter the victim. You don’t want to turn into an ice cube because you killed some Karen Carpenter looking chick.

    5. Bring condoms with you so if you off a really hot chick you can check her out real well after you waste her. And really how dead is dead? I mean if she was alive only a few minutes ago then it’s not really necrophilia, at least not until she gets all stiff and stinky and stuff so you have at least a good 15 or 20 minutes to enjoy yourself and show her what you’re all about. Good way to practice those tough Kama Sutra moves too.

    Well just some advise from a seasoned professional to keep you all at the top of your game. Happy Hunting!

  • kay-kay

    ROTFLMAO
    Fidel: one word WOW

    thanks for the tips i’ll let you know if it works

  • Scuba Steve

    I suggest commiting your crimes near a body of water. Wear a wetsuit and stash an air tank nearby. The wetsuit will help keep most of the DNA from being left at the scene, such as hair. Just make sure you leave your flippers with the air tank as they are hard to run in. After you do whatever it is you plan to do make a dash for the water, picking up the air tank on the way, and dive in to make your escape.

  • Tomo

    This is a great list. Watch out x-wife!!

  • devilishgrin66

    For murder –

    Kill people that wont be missed or reported missing, ie homeless and drifters.

    Have a surefire way of disposing bodies – ie acid or burning

    Never follow a pattern – kill a black woman with a knife, a white man with a gun, an indian transsexual with a harp…etc.

    Don’t stay in one area – the larger the area you encompass, the less likely your crimes are to be linked.

  • guilherme.kinni

    For murder a person with a link to you, do this:
    1- Use a knife.
    2- Have a secure way to enter his home.
    3- Use plastic in order to cover your clothes, totally.
    4- Use clothes to cover all your body.
    5- Kill fast.Don't give time to the victim scream.
    6- Kill everyone in the home.
    7- Burn your shoes and the plastic.But do this in your home.
    8- The best time to kill is around 3 A.M.
    9- Have a secure way to escape the house.
    10- Put DNA of various different people in the home, along with yours and the police will see it have been planted.
    11- Caution with the floor, is for this reason you have burned your shoes.

    • MK

      Use a knife huh? Talk about transfering DNA! Hairs and blood and skin being shed back and forth.. Nothing beats a .22 or .22 Magnum Silenced during a bad rain storm. A shot to their head while they are watching TV or sitting in comfy recliner. It may be days and in rare cases Months before body is discovered.. Youd rather use a knife and leave a pool and splashes of blood all over the place?! Then footsteps of blood form you and cut marks on you. BAD ADVICE MAN!

    • MK

      Plus shooting them can be done at a big distance!

  • guilherme.kinni: OJ – is that you?!

  • cocololo

    this list is creepy… the being said, well put together. just in case i ever decide to murder someone (not so much), i’ll let you know how it goes, ROTFL!!!!!!!!

  • Rylan

    “Put DNA of various different people in the home, along with yours and the police will see it have been planted.”

    That’s the worst advice ever.

  • Andrew

    It’s funny to think that dumb people generally commit crimes and smart people don’t. instead they make lists on the internet on how to commit them. :-) hmmmm tempted to be dumb though…..

  • parker

    Fingerprints will NOT be the same on identical twins…their DNA will be same, but not their prints.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fingerprint

  • Dr.A.Rap

    Hey guys police are stupid !

    they are not C.S.I , they won’t go and search all this and do this and do that they are so lazy lmao you can commit a crime right under there nose and they won’t even notice that

  • Well I’ve been getting away with all those WMDs I’ve hidden in Iraq, Saddam was just a patsy.. A patsy I tell you Ha ha haaa!

  • lulu

    wow u ppl suck dont kill anyone i was looking on here for a crime cene project

  • Unnamed player

    firstly, fingerprints are not caused by your genes.
    they are caused by chemical reactions in the womb and as such twins will usually have extremely different prints, with prints being random and all.

    if you really want to confuse the police you can easily make fake prints using a computer, an inkjet printer, wood glue and a bit of time. if you re-print an image over the top of itself it will sink deeper into the page, making indents. apply the wood glue to this and allow to set. then remove the paper either by ripping and scrubbing or just desolving in water. and there you have it, apply some oil from your own hands and you have an oily fingerprint. you can even take them from the victim if you have enough time.

    second, most electronic lock systems have a very simple flaw, they only record card swipes. exiting does not require this, so you can exit at any time of the night, then sneak in through an alternate enterance to the front foyer, leave again through the front foyer, to be seen by the bell boy or such similar person, then return after heading to shops or some such thing. this leaves you with someone saying they saw you leaving your room, when they in fact only saw you leave the hotel, and usually some video camera proof.

    another thing to remember is that people will generally accept a minor bad in the place of a major, so ‘you killed him, didn’t you?’ can be answered with ‘no way, i went out with a few friends and had a few cones. i cant really remember much of that night but i had a fair bit to drink too.’ works especially well for younger people, under 18 in most countries, 21 in US.

  • whatthefuck

    this is sick

  • Ammon

    Looks like the idea is in everyone's head… Does anyone wonder if things would be better if there were a lot less people in the world?

    • JAX

      I feel that way every single day, more food for us right?

  • Erm..

    Less people in the world? That’s less people to kill, rob and abuse! Why would you want that? Lol.
    Perfect crimes are few and far between, you really have to plan this shit out, I’m not talking about stealing a mars bar from the corner shop.
    If it’s money your after, old ladys are your best bet, most collect pensions on monday mornings, they can’t do fuck all. DNA is not so much of an issue as police will not go into too much effort as long as you don’t commit in the same area repeated. Dress like a particular group, wear a tracksuit and a hoody up with dark glasses, all she can say was he was quite tall with a hoody and tracksuit bottoms. Police will get nowhere. Good luck guys.
    x

  • kittymama

    >>>if you really want to confuse the police you can easily make fake prints using a computer, an inkjet printer, wood glue . . .

    Indeed, I’m confused already!

  • jussanuddername

    Good Lawyer/dumb jury

    Think :OJ

  • Chamale

    I heard of a guy who was caught when he told a TV psychic something only he would know – that he had committed a crime.

  • killer

    excellent guide :)

  • frodo

    The only way to get away from crime is to crime again and again until nobody touches you, come on is that not what the politicians do. And since once a crime u r a criminal so it does not matter how many crimes you do.

  • Myself

    IS this really sick or what??

    • weg

      yeah but sometimes this helps you get less angry with somone
      with out murder imagening it helps

  • knight_forked

    Now if there’s a perfect crime somewhere we have a couple of suspects ;-)…but I bet the bastard would just read and not post here if he is that smart…hehe.

  • rym

    such OF FUELS AND CRIMINALS DICOSTING AMERICANs U DONT HAVE TO KILL PEOPLE JUST LIV IN PEACE COZ THIS IS NOT RIGHT N U KNOW WHAT THEIR’S NO PERFECT CRIME THE POLICE WILL CATCH U EVEN AFTER 20 years believe me n ,then think of god n think of family of the person that u’r gonna kill. oh my god !!!!!u’r talking about killin peoole like ur talkin about killin insects

  • SlickWilly

    As an American, I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we do not generally take an argument seriously if it is not meticulously spell-checked, proofread for grammar, and then given a once-over for general jack-assery. You failed on all three conditions. Good day, sir.

  • Gimme a break

    Some of this made me laugh and some made me cringe (ie that you would think of murdering random people). What the f… are you turkeys smoking?

  • Azrael

    i disagree wif get rid of the murder weapon as if found it will provide police with a valuable clue and can be used to trace u in many ways, i’d say keep it with u but hide it sumwer and if police suspect u then get rid of it sumwer wer it will be nearly impossible to find such as out at sea

  • whoami

    No wonder everytime I watch tv it is about crimes of murders. Damn there are a bunch of low lifes. Not smart enough to just commit a crime for money unless murder is involved. Sheesh this world is dumb

  • Dr. Awkward

    Here’s a tip for the people who responded in a shocked fashion: Get a sense of humour.
    PS: There is no god.

  • What a useful list.

  • fountain.of.info

    the way to commit a truly perfect crime is to hire some one to do it and then kill them

  • Me, Myself & I

    Kill a rapper on a busy street, loaded with CCTV, Tupac, for instance – no one will ever really try to investigate.

  • MDWhite

    Good God, are you people serious or are you so addled by video games and total self-absorption that you don’t realize the implications of what you’re sharing here ? And for #72…there are some things that will never be funny and yes, there is a God. You get the final, definitive word on that, perhaps, after one of the soul-less people who think this list is cool breaks into your house rapes your wife and kids and then blows your head off. The truth will then be revealed…

  • Rina

    Where I live you dont even have to bother with all these precautions. Even if you’re caught red handed you just find a friend to pay your bail and bribe a few corrupt policemen to get rid of the evidence. Crime is horrible, but unfortunately its part of life and must be dealt with. The best thing to do is to protect yourself and your family against it and hope and pray it never happens to you.

  • Rick james

    haha this is funny if ur trying to commit a crime and ur reasearching in this website “You have alrdy been cought”!!

  • WrongU

    Guys, you forgot one thing….A cellphone, you carry it everywhere you go, and network operators can pinpoint the location of your phone at anytime.

    Also do not use a car fitted with a tracking device, the same applies to a bike.

    If you are going to commit murder, you need to plan very well, don’t get excited to the idea that you have a target, for instance you can get an unregistered sniper rifle, lay-low for 5-8 years before using it, take time to asses your targets, say 6-12 months, studying their activities. Draw up a list of what can get you caught, then device ways to get around that.

  • Prestige Crane

    If you kill someone you don’t know you actually have a great chance at getting away with it. People think that these days everyone gets caught and convicted? Come on. Most districts don’t even have the resources for a proper CSI team. Turn off the tv. Thousands of murders go unsolved in the US alone every year.

    And anything can be funny, as long as the joke is clever

  • Ford

    Another tip:

    Although the CSI shows are informative, they’re not entirely accurate. Especially when they can get DNA results in 2-3 minutes (or even less!!), but in real life it’s a much longer wait. Plus most CSIs aren’t quite as observant as the characters portrayed on TV. Calleigh Duquesne can pick out minute details at EVERY crime scene, but most CSIs aren’t quite like that. Yes, very observant, but not superhuman. (My fiance and I love to watch CSI:Miami for it’s blatant mistakes and melodrama) Plus it seems that TV CSIs seem to break protocol left and right, especially on CSI:Miami!!

    So even though our technology and training have made committing the perfect crime way less likely that it was 10-15 years ago, remember that CSI and crime dectection isn’t what it’s being portrayed as on TV either, except by shows like The First 48, Crime 360 and so on.

    And yes, just about anything can be funny. And people have a dark side. Everyone does.

  • niki

    im writing a paper on committing the perfect crime, and i chose grand theft auto but i need to know what tools i would have to use ?!

  • Ivan

    Use a very2 sharp ice. Of course it takes time to “craft” this weapon (a day at least). And then you can just throw it on the street or sewer and voila! Your weapon disappear!

  • Kiribub

    This is one hell of a disturbing list.

  • Old_Cat

    Niki, grand theft auto is one of the worst crimes I can think of, in terms of not getting caught. There are trip points all over that situation. Like how do you break into a car these days? Cars have complicated locks and alarms. Ignition is a whole different problem. And how would you go about selling it? I wouldn’t even know how to go about stealing a car. It’s by far the hardest thing to steal.
    The best crime to commit is murder, because if you do it right, there is zero contact with the outside world, and you’re killing the only person who might expose you.
    Other than that, cat burglary is easy enough. You can do some recce, find out when the people in the house aren’t home during the week, break in through the back door, take only what you can sell, then leave.
    It’s got a high risk factor, but it’s better odds than most other crimes.
    You’re running a gauntlet if you decide to break the law, and you’re not going to have good odds, you have to accept that. But it’s possible to get away with crimes. Most of the criminals who are sent to jail are in the lower bracket of IQ tests, which gives us an idea that if you’re intelligent, you have a fair chance of escaping the legal system.

    The best point i saw on that list was the one about not bragging. It’s the one trip point which professional criminals can’t resist falling over. I mean, what’s the point of committing the most elaborate crime in your states history if you can’t tell anybody about it?
    I guess O J Simpson has the right idea.

    • ocrasaroon

      (I know this was posted quite a while back, but I'm just now reading this list and its comments.)
      I think the fact that "most of the criminals who are sent to jail are in the lower bracket of IQ tests" isn't so much an indicator of an individual's likelihood of successfully planning crime, executing it or evading justice – I think it says more about the motives behind crime in the first place. Those with higher natural intelligence or aptitude for knowledge are the ones more likely to find steady and profitable employment (or other legal means of income.) Those with the lower IQ scores may be earning less, or struggling to make ends meet. The more impoverished areas of the US (my country) also have lower educational standards (No Child Left Behind my ass – what a load of…) that do nothing to advance the lives of those who happen to have been born there. If a big part of your life is centered around the worry and stress associated with just trying to GET BY, I could see how it would be tempting to want to take a seemingly easier way out. In some situations, the drive may move beyond "temptation" into an almost necessity.
      And this is to say nothing of the community and social aspects that tend to go hand-in-hand with these demographics.
      (I could talk about this all day – clearly.)

  • Old_Cat

    One other thing while I’m here. There is a principle in the security world called Kerckhoffs’ principle. It states that at every stage where you are trying to keep a secret, it creates a potential trip up point. For example, if you’re committing a crime and your car gets photographed at the crime scene, how do you explain that?
    Kerckhoffs’ principle states that if a secret is ever discovered, it shouldn’t be fatal to the rest of the operation. So you should always have some kind of an excuse for doing what you’re doing or being where you are.
    I know of an example by a Scottish thief who entered somebodies house via the back door while the owner was still home. Naturally the owner freaked out. But the thief kept his cool and said “Hi, I’m billy. Jill told me to let myself in. I’m here to collect the spare mattress”
    That sewed the seeds of doubt into the owners mind, and he ended up just thinking there was a big mistake and it was all an innocent foul up. Later the thief was caught selling stolen items, and that’s how the story came out.

    My point is that you should never, ever be in a position where you have to admit that you committed a crime. Whether it’s just saying that you killed that guy in self-defense, or you’re being framed. Anything is better than leaving no doubt that you deserve to be punished. Because remember, you need to be proven beyond reasonable doubt that you did the deed.

    Summary: Always have a reason for doing what you’re doing. Look like you belong, even if you don’t. People are fairly trusting as a rule; they don’t expect you to be doing anything wrong- their natural reaction is to judge what they see on surface value. If you’re dressed like a gardener, a neighbor isn’t going to assume you’re a criminal walking across somebody’s front lawn. Always remember that you’re performing for an audience that may or may not be looking (hint: assume that they’re looking). And remember, never ever forget, that nothing you get caught doing should endanger the rest of the operation.

  • hot

    I cant not believe that there a website like this.What about the people that will lose their lives totrash like this ? What about the kids that get their hands on this? My God do you fuckin idiots have any cluetowhat your are doing ? Do you not have a conscience? This is crazy … yes Iam all for freedom of speech but I sdont think that’s what our founding father’s where thinking of when they gave us this right !

  • anonymous2

    You guys are all idiots! If you’re going to talk about this sh*t, it should only be with someone you actually can count on, and in PERSON. My God, any one of you could be an undercover cop!
    hot:You’re absolutely right. Don’t you think these freaks need to get a reality check?

  • anonymous2

    Hey, whoever is yhe webmaster here, if I can find you, I will. Scum like you don’t scare me. I don’t want trouble, I just want to know why you’d give advice on how to kill someone and why. Maybe you need some professional help. That goes for all of you f*cked up psychos.

    • Fucku

      You're next

  • Old_Cat

    Thanks Anarchist. But I stand by my statement. You don’t mention what to do about the alarm, or where/how to sell the car, or move it around without being caught by the police.

    It’s a lot more simple to break into a home and take things such as jewelry, which is far more generic and ambiguous than a car. You can conceal it, move it easily and to an extent sell it far more easily than other items.
    I’m not saying that you can’t steal cars, I’m saying that there are other more viable options for the “perfect crime” scenario.

  • anonymous2

    I’d like to converse with the f*cked up Froot Loop WebMaster here please.

  • anonymous2

    Hey FREAKS! I’m not going to let this go. There are ways to track you all down. I already know that whoever created this f*cked up site is in the Mountain time zone in the U.S. I’m onto you like lights on a Christmas tree,l you [email protected][email protected]$.

  • OMG

    I’d like some pointers on how to pull off a simple but believable fake ID. Can any of you guys help me?

  • Cyn

    for the trollz posting comments and not taking the time to familiarize themselves w/ this site or its community or taking this list much too seriously…
    chill out!
    so sez Cyn the admin. which if you’d bothered checking out the site you’d not only already know that, you’d posted much more intelligent and contributory comments.
    ;)

  • HollowTheory

    Is anonymous2 serious? Can’t be. Well, could be, I’ve learned never to underestimate the stupidity one can come across on the world wide web. So, on the assumption that he or she is serious, I give you a list of my own as to why you are an idiot. First of all, if you think listverse is the only place on the internet where conversations occur concerning illegal activities then you are sadly mistaken. Second, most of the comments are tongue-in-cheek and not meant to be taken seriously. Third, talking about how to commit crimes is not a crime. Fourth, undercover “cops” are probably spending more time trying to catch child sex predators and terrorists in questionably themed chatrooms then on LISTVERSE.com Fifth, if this website is throwing you for a loop then you are probably a twelve year old whose parents have cranked up the content filter to maximum strength and whose preivous webbrowsing experience consists of visits solely to neopets.com Sixth, if you think trying to track down anyone posting comments on this list is the best way to go about creating a safer world you are a moron. Seventh, get a sense of humor. Eighth, get a brain, get a life and get your diaper changed.

  • anonymous2

    HollowTheory: Will you change it for me?

  • anonymous2′ s dad

    My apologies for what my son posted. Rest assured, he will be subjected to some heavy duty grounding. HollowTheory: Yes, my son is 12 years old, and yes, he found a way to gain access to the this site: at school. I have notified the school after I saw what my son had cut and pasted to a word document onto the family’s shared USB drive. Again, my apologies.

  • Curious thoughts

    Hm, I was thinking about the ‘Do not trust anyone’ bit. It’s kind of strange, but Catholic Priests…you can tell them. They can not and will not tell cops. And if they do said cops are not allowed to use said information within the case, especially if it was said within a confessional.
    It’s very strange how that works, I thought it was honestly funny, kind of like Lawyers have to take things to the grave too, otherwise all of there cases can be blown open…
    I dunno, but if you commit a crime you can tell a priest at a confessional and be assured the information you give them can’t be used. Though they might try talking you into turning yourself in.

  • Old_Cat

    Curious thoughts, you’re quite right in saying that Priests and lawyers can’t give evidence in the court of law. But if you’ve killed somebody they might well go and tell a police officer, breaking their vows. If this happens, the officer can’t take the evidence to a judge and say that it’s proof.

    That being said, it doesn’t matter if the police can use the information or not. If they believe that you’re the killer because a priest told them so, that may be the only lead they have. Meaning that they might look for other evidence to back up the priests claim, when previously they had no reason to search because they had no reason to believe that you were implicated. They might start following you, looking through security tapes for you, whatever. The best advice you could get would be to never ever trust anybody, because anything could happen with that information.

  • TWiSTiD BODiES

    I’m 15 and I know more than this fool. FUCK THERE IS SO MUCH MORE YOU NEED FOR THE PREFECT CRIME, NUMBER 11 : Know all you can about the victim(s) (Where they live, where they work, what scares them, what they can’t stand, people they may know, ect.) , WITHOUT ever coming in contact with them. NUMBER 12 : Don’t ever breathe onto or around the bodies, the mosture of you saliva transfers into the air, and can wind up in the crime scene. NUMBER 13 : Don’t buy a weapon, come on, you realize thats how a a lot of people get caught, if you buy a gun, wait long before you commit the crime, and don’t let anyone know you own a gun, people ask you, simply say no, sawed off gun work wonderfuly, and you can even get special bullets made, but wait until a long time afterwards! These speical bullets are made with less gun powder, making a noise, that is like a silencer, doing less damage, but can still kill. NUMBER 14 : Don’t take pictures, if you do, don’t touch them, and make sure you have your own dark room. Don’t have any of this info on your computer, AT ALL, it goes into your HARDDRIVE!! NUMBER 14 : Don’t bring friends along, do your crimes yourself, or you have a really high chance of being ratted out, don’t trust anyone. NUMBER 15 : I LOVE WHAT HOLLOWTHEORY SAID TO THAT 12 YEAR OLD!! HAHA

  • TWiSTiD BODiES

    Haha, and there is more, of course.

  • TWiSTiD BODiES

    Also, might be fun to take blood, or hair from someone you have killed before, and place it at the crime scene, haha, good luck figuring that one out.

  • 4Real

    The best way to escape getting noticed is to disguise. Wear artificial beard and hair.

  • 4Real

    And use a rent-a-car which is very ordinary and has no identifiable signs or dents. Use a fake name plate becz if you hide your car’s name plate, you’ll get noticed or worse, picked up.

  • 4Real

    Besides the ability to commit a perfect crime, one has to think about making more out of it if not for anything then just to feel more “asshole”, which is necessary if one is serious in being a good criminal.

    One idea is to get a term life insurance, which has reduced premiums and then kill someone who looks a little like you, kill the asshole, take off his clothes and put on yours, maybe use acid or fire to further disguise the identity, make sure you put your wallet or address so that they can “recognize” you and enjoy the money!

    I’m really afraid this website is a secret governmental project to nab would be criminals?

  • 4Real

    OMG: Best way is to “help” someone who has access to people’s IDs and then steal one. Be creative.

  • kristenbella

    im in the 10th grade and im using this for a research paper. haha

  • 4Real

    The complexity of this issue proves that committing a crime is not easy and we should appreciate the genius of criminals! I mean in a British article, they said terrorists are something like pressure groups so they don’t kill. The 9/11 has mistakenly called those “inadequate criminals” as terrorists, which they are not.

    So a criminal maybe an asshole but he deserves a slightly more respect than a coward terrorist who hasn’t enough brains to escape the consequences of his act except through suicide.

    Shouldn’t we be teaching the contents of this forum in schools? Just kidding.

  • Cyn

    *makes note of IP, sets investigation into motion*
    j/k

    really ya’ll need to lighten up in this list comment section..hell, all lists comment sections. this is just a website. ;)

  • 4Real

    True Anarchist: I’m really afraid of drifting into another topic but this site is about a perfect crime and terrorist suicidal attacks may get listed here, which I think they shouldn’t, as I think listing suicide as a way to perfect a crime would not be fair.

    On the other hand, it was surprising and even shocking for me to learn recently how westerners understand Islam better than Muslims. I have had a particularly difficult time with Islam and whenever I tried to discuss its flaws, my teachers would rebuke me and my friends would call me delusionist. The terrorism is not a new face of Islam, it was there right from the beginning when Muhammad, peace be upon him, ordered his generals to attack any community that didn’t establish Islamic prayers, among other things.

    So should we or should we not consider suicide as a sure & easy way to perfect crime? What is a Perfect Crime, after all?

  • HollowTheory

    Girls, girls, you’re BOTH pretty

  • rushfan

    rofl

  • King Jazza

    Hmm…..
    This may be a good idea.
    I might even use this some day in the not too distant future.

  • jimman

    Interesting, because the author should probably spend a little less time watching CSI type crime shows and try actually working in the field of catching those who commit crimes. The problem with CSI type shows are that they are not based in reality. They invent technology or greatly exaggerate it to fit into a 1 hour show. Those of us who actually do that type of work now how fake it is. For example, the author mentions a few points that are not completely accurate. For example, point number one, DNA… yes, you will be convicted if you leave, or pick up dDNA, but DNA is only one type of trace evidence, fingerprints, fibers, hair, ballistics, etc.. are just as good as DNA, it’s just that CSI type shows hype DNA so everyone things about it. To me a fingerprint is just as good.

    Also, point # 4 “For example, you are almost certain to get caught if you try to rob a bank…” Clearly the author knows nothing about investigating robberies. They have a very low “clearance rate” (police term for % of solved crimes. In fact most bank single bank robberies are never solved. What are easier to catch are habitual bank robbers. And that goes against the authors point #2.

    Point 5 discusses evidence but you notice there is not mention of “computer” evidence. For example, anyone searching for “ the perfect crime” on the internet on their home computer has just sealed their fate. Now me, I won’t be committing any crimes in the near future so I’m not worried, but if you are, well you’d better destroy your computer because you just left a huge evidence trail for LE.

    My point here is that the problem is that when committing a crime you just cant think of everything. It’s best to not do it in the first place because the consequences are so bad. The only advice I’d give is that a perfect crime needs to factor in getting caught. For example, if you rob a bank for a million dollars and are able to hide the money. If you get caught and spend 10 years in jail but get the hidden money when you get out… was it worth it?

  • Emily

    Hey wouldn’t it be a good idea to commit a crime really early in the morning (and quietly or where you won’t be heard be ANYONE) on the same day trash gets taken out so that you can just get rid of the clothes you wore (as long as they were clothes from some common place where they can’t be traced back to you) and anything else you used becuase probably by the time the police or anybody gets there, all of your evidence will be wherever they take all the trash so they won’t be able to trace it back to your house?

    Just thought that if I ever did that it would be a good idea, but I’m not wuite sure….

  • peanut

    I looked up “the perfect crime”. It’s a play rofl. So I guess that blows that theory out….I did however look up the most profitable crime earlier…..I was curious, not like i’m heading out to pick up a stash so I can start dealing drugs. I just dont think that google searches should be counted as evidence.

  • jackasses

    to number 79 “WrongU”. Are you fucked in the head? Are you smoking so much meth that you’re getting all paranoid? Is the government after you too guy?? Nobody is tracking the exact pinpoint of your cell phone dude. There are 6000000000+ people in the world and more than 1/2 got cell phones, so how does the CIA or anybody have the ability to track each and every cellphne, who owns it, where they are etc.?
    And to the retard who calls himself anonymous2. Why the fuck didn’tyou stay anonymous after HollowTheory chewed your a$$ out? Dude you sounded like a PMSing homo before he even said anything to you. You already know the mastermind of the site is in MST zone? NOT hard to figure out…but do you know how big this time zone is? I’m in Alberta, Canada and in it. This dude could be anywhere directly south. You’re an idiot. This site is merely here for people who wanna talk about crime but don’t have the balls to do it themselves, that being said, let the Posers pose. Let them think they’re cool

  • Pete

    I suppose if you wanted to make as much evidence as possible you could go to a barber and scatter lots of other peoples hair and stuff over the floor

  • anonlife

    it’s just not ok to commit crime because of how much you hurt the other person. but it’s interesting to research it. some people who posted are truly sick

  • no info for you

    hahahaha…Just watch the show DEXTER and you will get some tips although..there making the show and they know the skill.

  • no info for you

    OBAMA………………………..

  • no info for you

    he is awesome

  • no info for you

    wait why am I saying this on this website..ppl might think you know what….let me stop…OBAMA ROXX..

    January 20, 2009…..

  • tommy

    Hey why don’t you tell them how to be a more effective psycho and baby killer as well.

    You dicks, I hope that you guys are victims of the guys you teach. Serve you a lesson.

  • Truthteller

    Id like to add that when you do commit a crime, destroy or burn all items that were on you at the time. Do not discard them, they can be found. Also, car tracks are a problem. Maybe it would be smart to change your tires after you commit a crime if you used a car. Also, sneakers. You don’t want to leave tracks behind. Discard them in a way that makes them unrecognizable. It might also be wise to wear something that prevents your hair from falling out. Commiting a crime is real difficult…

  • Chuckles

    If you’re looking for a gun you can always buy one at a Gun Show. Random people bring their guns to these conventions and sell them to other gun enthusiasts for cash while inside the convention. Completely untraceable to you. And definitely just drop the gun after using it. Just like in The Godfather.

  • bloody

    ok, but that guy will probably remember you, what u need to do is get a kitchen knife and stab in their head.

    don’t listen to hotel part. just say u were at home while your wife was shopping, and leave house without any1 noticing you.
    a hotel can make you a suspect, because what are possibilities of going to hotel for 1 night, and the same day someone who you know gets killed, huh?

    fast tips: go out, kill, come back and have a can of beer.

  • 4Real

    The guy won’t remember you if you go there disguised with wrong color contact lenses, hair dye or artificial wig, etc. This same technique can be used to hide your outing from home or hotel and yes, do care to enjoy a can of beer after your successful perfect crime.

  • Haddon

    the thing curious thoughts said about priests is not entirely true, actually. a priest can, and SHOULD, go to the police to divulge a crime they have knowledge of. country to country, maybe even state to state the laws of whether or not that can be a legal confession probably differs, but it can be used to track you down.

    for instance, if you commit a murder, but are found innocent, you could still be charged for an assortment of other crimes involved, so long as they were not brought up along with the original charge. that same act could be charged with other crimes: breaking and entering, owning an unlicensed firearm, breaking paroles and probations. a confession to a priest may not get you put away by itself, but could well lead to being put away for something else, or investigated.

    just dont tell people.

  • Dimitri

    Very useful list.

    But if i were to commit a murder, which could happen i guess, sociopathic tendencies aren’t a weak point for me haha. I would want it to be public. Not meaning that i would want to get caught; just that I wouldn’t destroy the body. I would want the murder to be found. Not necessarily for the attention of being the killer, but for the attention of the killed. To commit a brutal crime, and everyone to know about it, just so people can see how fucked up this world can really be.

    I guess what I’m trying to say was best summed up in a quote from the film Se7en.
    “Wanting people to listen, you can’t just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you’ll notice you’ve got their strict attention. “

  • Act Intelligent Please

    Perfect crimes take a lot of planning. Most of the posts on here have very interesting comments and tips for the perfect crime. With that being said, it must also be pointed out that the tips alone will not help you get away. First of all, a lot of the angles posted here are from only one angle. Some rational minds posted from a variety of angles attempting to combine them. Still yet, no one has looked from outside the box. Most are geared too much on the specifics that they forget the big picture. I agree that the tips posted on this site are helpful and most should be used; however, as I have mentioned already, the tips will only guide you in the right direction. Common sense and a little bit of luck will fill in the rest of the gaps.

    And I just find it interesting that some think that they are experts. Yet they provide information that is false and is not backed by proper research. Lack of information is a big downfall. Knowing that facts will aid you in the commission of your crime.

    Everyone is entitled to their opinions. I encourage that people debate the tactics and challenge them; but one should do so in an intelligent fashion. Simply stating “I believe that … ” does not qualify as an intelligent answer. Providing research or literature to support your claim will ensure that you will be taken seriously. And it should be noted that support should derived from a reliable source.

    With that being said, remember that every crime is different. No two crimes are the same. Each event is surrounded by different variables and scenarios. Therefore there is no clear and evident answer to committing the perfect crime. What works one time may not work the next. Every crime is situational, so use your common sense and hope you get lucky.

    Disclaimer:

    I do not condone acting upon this information, nor do I believe that it should be used for criminal activity. It is my intentions only to debate this topic for informational and entertainment purposes. I support the claim that “to catch a criminal, you must think like a criminal”. That being said, I believe this topic/forum provides a means to critically analyze potential thought processes of criminals.

  • efeds662

    Lol who knows when i’ll need this.

  • Dave

    lol i love this i noticed when i searched google on “how to” this was in the top 10 right atound Suicide when all i really wanted to do was tie a tie so i decided to click that was interesting i’m sure i won’t need any of your spectacular advice in this lifetime but i had fun reading it.

    then just for kicks i searched “how to commit murder and get caught by the cops for searching it on my computer” and this was first in line too hahahaa ahh i love it uh oh looks like i better head for the hills the cops might be at my door tommorow ah well

    good night folks

  • jailtime

    sure way to walk away from a crime. ….. hire OJ’s jury..

  • Dr. Lector

    I find the LEO’s comments interesting. I lack the same practical experience, but to me several hitherto unmentioned things seem significant.

    Confidence. Act with confidence, like what you are doing is natural. This is most significant when lying, of course, because nervousness is the first sign people look for when trying to decide if someone is lying. Confident lying will usually get you past the preliminary suspicion and keep you from ever being interrogated more carefully. However, acting with confidence is important in situations other than face-to-face discussion; this is why pathological and serial killers can be among the most difficult to catch. Someone assertive, confident and genial (not an asshole) can do even unusual things without being noticed, just because you seem to be confident in your reason for doing it. This ties in a lot with what Old_Cat and the others said, but it is a distinct point.

    There have been lots of comments about looking up lists like these being incriminating evidence, and having done so implying that you’re as good as caught. This is only true in one situation: you’re already a suspect. The fact that I’ve posted on this website will not make me a suspect in a random murder on the other side of the country; but if something occurs in the investigation of a murder that connects police to me (victim knew me, hairs left near the scene linked to me and x many others, etc.) THEN research into my activity will occur. If you can commit a crime and succeed in evading LE’s suspect list, it doesn’t matter how much research you did online (or in a library or wherever). Bragging online, however, would definitely count.

    Also, the label “perfect crime” is misleading. It implies that this is something significant; however, far more perfect crimes are committed than imperfect ones. The discussion so far has treated “crime” as referring only to significant felonies, not minor misdemeanors. However, speeding and internet piracy are crimes. (According to hearsay:) In the state of Washington it’s illegal to paint polka dots on the American flag, and in Houston, TX, it is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday.

    This leads to my next point. Slip your crime under the radar, to the extent possible. If you’re going to rob a bank, do it when you know the local cops are busy controlling a riot downtown, running stings on a local drug bust, and chasing someone who stole a semi full of volatile chemicals and is headed downtown at high speed. If you’re going to commit a murder, murder a member of a local gang–someone the cops would assume was killed by a rival gang in a street fight (obviously, this has the consequence of you being hunted by the offended gang, but generally escaping a gang is far easier than escaping law enforcement). If you’re going to park in a handicap spot without a permit, park in a van with a roof carriage rather than in a sports car.

    Also, “victimless” crimes are generally easiest to commit. If you hack into your school and improve your grade, the school will care about the crime and fight back. However, back when sodomy was a crime in a number of states, if two consenting adult males had sex they probably weren’t going to get caught and prosecuted for it if they did so in the privacy of their own bedroom. Current analogies include reading censored material and using illegal drugs (although trafficking and carrying, both “victimless” crimes, are frequently prosecuted, its not hard to get away with drug use in the privacy of your own home). Before someone gets carried away, I feel I should point out that the victim of tax evasion is the IRS, and it’s not the kind of victim that lets crimes against it go unprosecuted.

  • WhiteFinger

    Wow that’s one of the best things I have read on the internet for along time. But I ended up skimming through a lot as it seemed it was all about murder! Any chance of getting any pointers on just breaking into warehouse at 3am stuff to steal small but valuable items! I know I have watched too much TV but I have tried every thing in life from attractive women, doing a degree and working very hard in different industries. But now I’m very bored and very poor and before I commit suicide coz I can’t stand this perfectic life that doesn’t matter how hard I try I suppose I should at least try the CAT burglar idea and if it goes wrong I could just die in prison!!!

  • Wisbern

    This is Cool Shit.

  • AMuseInACage

    I would like to agree with Dr. Lecter on the subject of confidence and gang members.

    Now, I am not the type of individual to endorse crime, I’m the kind of person who likes to solve complex problems. After watching too much CSI and being presented with a highly fictional and much better functioning version of the law, I decided to craft my own perfect crime based off of these observations. This list is highly similar to what I came up with.
    Mine went something as follows:

    1) Planning:
    you must plan your crime alone, and on nothing but your own brain, or single sheets of paper. and after you plan on paper, immediately dispose of it. its best to keep all your plans in your head, do not do anything on any form of computer or phone. that is stupid. keep it to yourself.

    2) The Victim:
    ideally you want to find a victim who is in no way connected to you who is likely to be found dead in an alley, a gang member is a good example. Now, someone mentioned that most murders are for a reason, this is true, if you are going to murder someone just because some sick piece of you desires the power of life and death, its best to pick a random individual. If you are a member of middle-class america go victim hunting in a poor urban area, if you can, try to kill a homeless person, but not a child. Dont kill children people care too much about them. Homeless people are perfect murder victims, especially if the happen to enjoy living in areas with high gang activity. Dont live anywhere near your victim, seriously. and if it is a homeless person, dont ever EVER talk to them. you have to have really thought this out. dont talk to anyone else about them either, you dont want anyone to know you give a shit about this homeless guy, which you shouldnt because you are about to kill him.

    3. Make your alibi
    someone before mentioned bed and breakfasts. that would be a good idea if they were not so small. As mentioned before, buy a trip with your credit card. A good idea would be, if you are doing this in an urban area, take a cab ride somewhere far from your murder and use your credit card.

    where are we so far? so far you have decided, alone, that you want to taste the power over life and death, you live in either upstate new york, new jersy, or connecticut and you go to the city all the time for business, this is not unusual for persons living in your area, and thusly are completely normal, you live alone, have a mid wage job, and are not particularly anti social, but do not have any close friends to speak of. you work in downtown manhattan. you decide your victim should be a homeless person, so you start your search under the ruse that you started jogging central park, which you have to be doing for months before the crime, all your coworkers must know by now that you are an avid jogger and that you love jogging around central park, like thousands of new yorkers. you dont slow when you get near anyone, even if you found the perfect homeless guy. you just go at your normal pace and keep a mental note of how often you see the guy there. make sure you run with other people, not as a friendly thing, but as a sort of timing thing, make sure that the day of your murder people see you jogging in your normal way, and make sure people see you behaving completely normally, nothing about you has changed since the months ago when you started jogging, other than your health, obviously. on the day of your murder, take a cab to the trainstation you go to to get home and use your credit card, make sure you have been doing this, too, for months, at around the same time as well, so taht it is well established that you go home around the same time every day. make sure you have your train ticket paid for with your credit card too, and make sure you get on the train home. instead of going all the way home you get off at the next stop. no one will notice, trains do not have to check you off, but they do tend to have cameras. make sure you leave with the crowd. now walk back down to where your murder is going to occur.

    4. committing the act:
    do not hesitate, leave the weapon there. when you are committing the act be sure you are wearing two layers of clothes, including socks, make sure the shoes are several sizes too large for your own feet, the socks should help make them fit. the clothes should preferably come from a thrift store, so they could still potentially have epithelials of other people on it. make sure BOTH layers of clothing came from a thrift store, and that this is the first time you have worn either pair. when you purchase the clothing pay for it with cash and do not buy them from the salvation army specifically, buy them from an independant thrift store, the salvation army tends to have cameras. you should have purchased the clothing months before the murder, but not around the same time you started jogging, preferably before then. since you have been jogging so damn much you have likely lost a lot of weight since you purchased the clothing (and everything else you need to commit the crime) so you likely will not be recognised anyway. kill your victim with a knife. in the city it is hard for a gunshot to go unnoticed. leave the knife right there when you are done. strip off the first layer of clothing by cutting it off of you, pulling it over your head may cause your hairs to fall on it. feel free to cut up the clothing into many pieces, discarding random handfulls in public trash cans you pass on your way to a different train station then the one you left. the last things you should discard are the gloves and shoes, which should be taken care of at home.

    5. the end result:
    now that you have killed someone, you go home, dispose of your last ties to the crime scene (the shoes and gloves) and sit back, do not gloat, do not feel satisfied, your crime is not over until the news stops talking about it. do not start acting strange, do not stop jogging every morning. do not stop any habit that you have started to prepare for this murder until several months after the case is closed, continue out your daily life as if nothing unusual has ever happened to you. feel no guilt, feel no remorse, still go out for drinks every tuseday night with your coworkers and talk about women and stuff.

    in the case that their is some link of you to the case, it should not hold against your alibi, particularly if you live alone. but if for some reason they really think you killed a guy, you should let them search your stuff, let them interrogate your friends. if you did your job right they should have nothing that could possibly incriminate you. dont act like you have anything to hide, you shouldnt. and since you dont have anything to hide, and they wont have anything to go on, you will be scot free, but will never be able to kill again.

    and that was my idea of a perfect crime.

  • tdpdtp

    Also, don’t use a gun. Every gun is registered to an owner and they can look it up. This will lead to you being mentioned in some way. Use a knife or something like that.

  • tdpdtp

    Jimman- some people didn’t come to this page by searching “The perfect crime”, instead they went on listverse and found it or searched for something that led them to listverse.

  • vinny

    crazy stuff,do you know who is reading all you wrote in here.if you want to commit any crime ,first shut the fu.c up.good lack

  • doodlefish

    Of course,if you wanted to commit the perfect crime (and get away with it!) it would be a great advantage if you could make yourself invisible. No problem! Who are the people in today’s society that don’t merit a glance? Pensioners, of course. I shall commit my crime disguised as a dear little old lady, dressed in clothes from the charity shop, large booties and woolly gloves to disguise foot- and fingerprints, headscarf and grey wig to avoid dropping tell-tale hairs, and Tesco carrier bags for gun, breadknife, garrotting clothes-line etc. underneath a wilting cabbage!
    Clue for M. Poirot – my crime will be committed in Yorkshire. Yes, you cow, you know who you are! Hehehehee (evil laugh!)

    Clue for US reders – look up IRONY in the dictionary.

  • Ryuu

    Cool! But I prefer hypnotizing someone then let him/her do the crime for you, in case he/she gets caught just tell him/her to commit suicide!

  • brewdoggie

    Having been faced with this issue in real life many times before (and no you couldn’t catch me even if you tried really hard…) I recommend the following; all throw aways, a tight alibi, a good attorney, and a really great acting ability.

    First, get used to cops screwing with you. I deal with it everyday and they still can’t connect dot A to dot B. That’s how it should be. Cops are just a legal form of organized crime when you get to the foundation of this. Give them no evidence, no probable cause, and no testimony in any case or situation. Call your attorney, and say nothing else.

    Secondly, learn ALOT about computers. Using custom/homemade software and being able to thrust ip addresses, etc.. you can communicate by pc and it can be untraceable.

    Become a great actor and when you think you’ve become good, take classes and get better. You only get one opportunity to be surpised for the first time regardless of the event taking place. Failing to plan for every contingency is planning to fail. Always ask “what if this (scenerio placed here happens)?”

    Study psychology. Learn how people think, act, and feel, and what makes them do so. People are just animals to begin with and they act like cattle. Most deserve to be slaughtered when it happens because they placed themselves in that situation due to not being educated, too stupid to be educated, being weak , sick (addiction, addicted people act irrationally no matter what), and following the herd mentality.

    No witnesses no matter who they are. One person can keep a secret. two people are always able to give up the other when placed in a situation where they squirm. And everybody has one. And I’ve never in my many years met a woman who couldn’t shut the hell up. No women ever. No offense but its in their nature.

    Use a knife; much harder to trace, no noise, thrust the blade into the base of the skull from behind. Twist hard. Instant death and little or no noise, they drop like a sack of dirty clothes and not as much blood as one might think. Use a common one, no need for anything special, just a nice well built 6″ blade with a finger guard that doesn’t fold. The finger gaurd helps prevent cutting yourself. If you do, you’re as good as caught. DNA everwhere.

    With guns there’s always blowback, residue, chemicals, etc…. Noise is you’re enemy. Generic gloves, drop the knife better yet leave it in the target, burn your clothes and change before going home, have a safe site to dispose fo clothes and any possible evidence, don’t drive anywhere near the event site, always fit into the background, never go back for anything, and finally, learn about the art of urban camoflouge.

    Best case event: don’t do it. If you have to, listen to the advice in the column and if you’re using you’re own computer you’ve already been busted so don’t do it.

    I’ve known many contracts and the best advice on that is not to ever know one. There is no such thing as a friend in the business, and all friends are expendable, especially when it comes to your freedom. And money, money is more valuable than freedom to the right/wrong people. Freedom can be bought as it has many, many times. No replacement for cash. Ever.

    For what its worth, have a great lawyer who knows what you did in every detail and protects you no matter what because you’re paying him/her to misdirect the facts and testimonies and they know that your reach and touch is much further than just a prison cell. They’ll find a way to make the case go away. And as long as you remain a great client, they’ll stay alive.

    Have a nice day.

  • Evidence Seeker

    The body is the best piece of evidence. It not only tells me how the person died, but when he/she died and by what he/she was killed. The first interpretation of the evidence comes from the postmortem.
    It is possible to kill someone without leaving any marks on the body. Just below the ear is the main blood vessel the carotid artery; any stimulation to this part of the neck is very dangerous. Pressure on the carotid artery can cause the heart to stop suddenly. But generally speaking injuries and marks are caused because people go over the top and apply far too much pressure, and they do leave marks and injuries. One thing to remember is that we can look in very special ways. We can dissect the neck and discover bruising underneath the skin that can’t be seen on the outside. I can tell if a person has been dragged by vertical markings on the heels and bruising under the pits of the arm.
    Hypostasis is a change that occurs naturally within the body. This change causes the red blood cells to settle in the blood vessels under the influence of gravity. Because the blood pools in the areas of the body which are closest to the ground the pattern of hypostasis gives us a record of the position of the body at the time of death. People will dump a body and run, but if a body is found face down and the pattern of the hypostasis is on the underside of the body then we know the body has been moved and dumped.
    As for determining the time of death of the victim the best a pathologist can do is a 5 ½ hour spread. This 5 ½ implies only within the first 24 hours of death. Anything later than 24 hours that spread gets bigger and bigger. After a few days a pathologist will no longer be able to determine the time of death. As a body decomposes the information pathologists rely on quickly disappears. This is where expertise in entomology comes in.
    Wrapping a dead body will delay the access of insects to the dead flesh. Insects can keep markings of evidence for weeks, months, and even years. By collecting the most mature samples of insects entomologists can then work backwards from there and discover when the insect eggs were laid, which corresponds to the time of death and which most of the time is 95% accurate. Temperature, weather, and species of insects have to be taken into account for accurate time of death results.
    Dismembering bodies can make our jobs much more difficult, but not impossible. Sulpheric acid can completely dissolve most of the tissue in the human body. It would take around 27 gallons of sulpheric acid and several weeks to dissolve a whole body. Acid can’t dissolve fat. For instance if a person had a gall stone it wouldn’t be dissolved because it is covered in thick layers of fat. I could dissect the stone and obtain DNA. Also getting enough sulpheric acid to dissolve a human body is impossible. Washing powder that you can buy at stores and use at home can dissolve most soft tissue but not all. Even with just bones remaining we could solve the crime.
    An icicle crafted properly could pierce a body and bone and most likely not leave any markings on the bones. The ice would melt at the scene and the murder weapon would disappear. However, getting this ice weapon to the victim would be extremely difficult and conspicuous.
    We can get trace evidence off just about anything these days. We can retrieve fingerprints off clothes and carpet; footprints off carpet, and of course hair. Every cell in the body except red blood cells contains DNA. Every time you walk, talk, breathe, and even blink you shed DNA. I can use a few cheek cells from you talking or a few mucous cells from you breathing and create a DNA profile, and therefore find the killer.
    A perfect murder is possible even with all the technology we have these days, but a person who commits a perfect murder will most likely kill again and again and they will eventually make a mistake and leave evidence and we forensic scientists only have to get lucky once.

    I’m speaking with 20 years as a pathologists, 10 years studying entomology, and of course all my lawyer and detective friends out there that solve crimes and put criminals behind bars daily.

  • La Boricua Blanca

    lol i think its funny how the “evidence seeker” explains all the ways someone could qet cauqht up, and simultaneously everyone shuts up.. he was the last comment. =)

  • Drek

    Hmm. I’ve read 3/4 the comments and came to a conclusion. Believe me, this was hard to think of.

    The perfect crime is a crime not committed, but more of created without voluntary action or the simplicity of resolving itself into course. As one person previously posted, the smart ones just chat but take no action, and the even smarter ones just read but do absolutely nothing.

    The perfect crime is something a person could do without even knowing what has been done. If the crime does not exist, did it ever really happen?

    Murder and stealing. They both require an action, a voluntary sequence of actions created by the one committing them. However, it is not uncommon that more than one mind can create the same crime working together for the same outcome.

    The only perfect crime I know of is the crime of being alive. Like it or not, you are always doing something to effect another person, creature or even material in another way.

    I may be full of useless information, but I stand by what I know and what I know is just that.

    The perfect crime is the crime not committed.

    Please take this semi-useless information for your own advantages and enjoy.

    I hope I have just wasted 5 minutes of someones life. No refunds.

  • Drek

    Yes, I am aware of the spelling error on the last sentence. It was for my own amusement if someone took me seriously.

  • Drek

    Oh and while i’m just throwing useless information out there that 99% of the population on these comments do nothing with but read for entertainment, heres a tip.

    Do not park your arse in a chair playing video games for 4+ years.

    What you should do is park your arse in a COMFY chair then play video games for 4+ years. Big difference.

    Believe me when I say this because i’ve seen what it does to some people. A little disturbing sight to say the least.

    (Yes, I am very bored at the moment and may never look at these comments again.)

  • lol

    this list is good….. cover all clothes.. when done, burn put in garbage bag and sink in river or water body. Leave murder weapon a little distance from crime to give police time to search for it … will make investigation time longer so case can go cold. Dont plant shit. Kill all accomplices too. DOn’t tell anyone anything.

  • Hannibal

    Trying to dispose of a body in the ocean is often a bad idea (just ask our friend Scott Petersen). Gaining access to a boat, especially while carrying a bulky “package” can be a conspicuous exercise, even if the killer takes to the sea routinely (we know that Scott was a weekend fisherman, but going “fishing” on the eve of your wife’s mysterious disappearance is an unfortunate coincidence to have to explain away). Beyond this, body parts at sea tend to partially decompose before floating free in random chunks; bindings tend to come untethered due to the ebb and flow of currents; and torsos and feet (especially those in laced high top sneakers) not fully digested by marine life, will often wash ashore. The force of the elements at work in a salt water environment are powerful and unpredictable. But if you dispose of your body in a shallow grave in any handy wooded area, even you will be challenged to find the body again, and even if you want to (or if you forgot to take a keepsake the first time around and attempt to exhume the body after the fact). This is a documented fact, since many convicted serial killers have attempted to bargain for a delay of execution in exchange for revealing the whereabouts their woodland victims, only to find that they themselves can’t find the remains, despite having disposed of the corpse, up close and personal, not long before. Take my advice and use the woods instead.

  • jtelement

    stab them with an ice sicle….self destructing evidence :D

  • Kenab

    Wow im concerned if this is the best these people can do we may end up in crime free world and what fun would that be :(

  • bloodhunter

    im gonna go kill someone

  • pariah

    I don’t think you were careful enough about not leaving evidence behind. In the first place I would crazy glue the tips of your finders to prevent the possibility of leaving prints. One should shave every bit of hair off of your body including your head and eyelashes. Then you should scrub your skin vigorously with an exfoliant and abrasive to limit the possibility of leaving skin fragments. Also make sure you remove any nasal or ear hair and blow your nose hard at a distance from the crime carefully and discretely discarding the tissue. An inopportune sneeze could seed the crime area and seal your fate. If you are a sex offender and your DNA is on record, be very, very careful. Do NOT eat beans or milk products, especially if you are lactose intolerant. I have read case reports in which micro-feces particles can be detect from explosive flatus. Likewise, sometimes what feels like a fart can be something all together different. Finally, try not to breath while at the crime scene. I hope this helps.

  • Angel

    Great list, and some really great comments. What I find most amusing are the commenters who took this way too seriously and were absolutely disgusted. Come on, have a sense of humor. It’s not like everyone who read this is going to go out and commit a crime.

  • mangans

    Good list, but most of the comments are about murder. Just some stuff i’ve learnt, don’t carry weapons, learn how to fight instead. If your caught in someones back garden have a flyer for gardening and ask them do they need any odd jobs taken care off. Its better to have drugs together than in little bags, never have a list of who owes you what, keep more than one phone, not to mix business and pleasure. Do not bring a phone with you to commit a major crime. Use glass cutters to break into a house… in housing estates very few people sleep on the ground floor. If you are going to steal a car always break into a house to get the keys first. ATM machines have very bad cameras which dont work well at night so all you need to do is go to an area that is not well lit and wear a scarf. I could write a book on shoplifting. Beat someone up one on one…your word against theres in court. Now any advice for me… Oh and a police scanner is well worth it. If you are doing a job in a rural area there will generally be just one police car… dont ring 999 as it will be recorded but the actually police station and report a crime elsewhere in any accent that is different to yours

  • gena

    I stole tons of stuff when i was 13.

  • j-locc

    i just dont understdand y u are suposed 2 leave da gun y not just take it wit u seein ad that it said not 2 leave any evidence

    • ocrasaroon

      Oh My God. What happened to ENGLISH?

  • Warlock

    As long as you have a fire arm that is not registered, stolen, or purchased on the street… (aka) Not in your name, you should always leave it at the scene. Even if you handle the fire arm, you can wash it to clear your prints. Washing with soap and water, like seen in the movies can and usually will leave prints behind. The best method to remove prints is alcohol, the type for infections not consumption or equivelant. There after, holding the fire arm with gloves on, making sure to load the fire arm with the gloves as well, leaves no trace evidence. (Most of the time). So later on, if you keep the gun, ballistics cannot match you to the fire arm in question.

  • Tonib0y

    Haha, found it funny when I first saw this article. How to commit the perfect crime, and right after that how to survive prison haha!

  • Duke

    Hello everybody..
    I need advices.. In case that i want to burn alive someone, what is the best way to do that?

  • ForensicCrimes

    Just a heads up – Do NOT dispose of a body in water (unless it is literally in the middle of the ocean.) Gases build up from decaying tissue makes the body bouyant. A body can become so bouyant that it will float to the top even if it is weighted down.

    More tips for the perfect crime:
    http://www.forensiccrimescene.com/

  • d Min

    To cover up finger prints, go to your local costume shop and buy a bottle of Liquid Latex.

    Put latex on the inside of a rubber glove, insert your hand covered in another glove, let dry, and proceed to commit any crime without fear of leaving prints.

  • ThinkTwiceThinkThrice

    Thankz for the tipz, they kinda all seem to have some flawz. I’ve been reserching a lot lately because i’ve been thinking about becoming a forensics speacialist, and there really is NO PERFECT CRIME, there is alwayz a chance and a possibility! A chance that while your in the act, someone or something will interfere and cause you to be caught, or to leave evidence. I.E Robbing a store with a diguise, and a cop happens to walk in. Or if your doing random killing cause your just fucked up and want to kill someone, even the most random time and random person…. Each step of that process carries chances of thingz going wrong, people seeing you. I Hope that nobody reading this list actually thinkz that they can do it…. Because THE NUMBER ONE REASON MORE PEOPLE DON’T KILL IS FOR FEAR OF BEING CAUGHT. Everyone no matter how good and pure, has a dark side, a side that is kept to only them and only there internal thoughtz, everybody has a little Cain in them! No person is without sin. With MUrDeR and Other Large Crimez carrying such a long Prison sentence… People suppress these urges and brush them off and forget about them. The people who are very intelligent usually act very unintelligent in thinking that they or so smart that they can get around it. Maby once… Maby twice…. Eventually something won’t go to plan, someone won’t be as planned. Enjoy Your Freedom While You Have It, and Leave all Your Thoughtz for EVIL locked up inside you as they should be, it is how we as humans have existited for so long without Anarchy!

  • jason

    yeah…cool

  • Eric

    If someone is actually thinking of doing this they would not be on this site. If you are that stupid at least take out the problem sources in this country if you want to do some good. Like for instance black, brown, yellow.

  • Eric

    If anyone is going to come back and deny the facts, please by all means include a link in which I will be prooved wrong. The facts and statistics do not lie. Incarcerated males consists of 80% justs blacks and hispanics. If you are in this room and meet those requirements sorry, but I am not a white sup. I just go by what is proven. It really pisses me off that you can not do your crime better, and make everyone else pay to keep you fucks alive in prison. If you know you are going to be caught just do your family and the country a huge favor and end what life you have before you fuck up and create pain for those who love you and for those who don’t. Get a grip!

  • pwscott

    Do your crime in a small town. I lived in one for a long time and I can tell you unless it is something huge or Federal they won’t pursue it. We had a major drug raid twice in a ten year period that netted two bus loads of dealers both times. Plus all the cops I knew very well were ususally all in one place late at night. If I were a dishonest person there is no doubt I could have gotten away with a lot of theft if it was kept to a rate of every two to three months.Best thing to say is don’t do the crime, but I hope law enforcement takes a look at your suggestions as a better way to investigate a crime.

  • Gav

    If you kill a guy, make sure to plant evidence of an ex-girlfriend of his (or a female co-worker) around the crime scene. Then follow it up by putting super-glue on his tallywacker.
    The immediate evidence just screams “a woman scorned” and lazy law enforcement won’t go much further than that.

  • question?

    Allot is said about the copmuter and how it can be connected to you but in todays society we can look this up on an ipod or a phone can this be traced back to you?

  • Jazz

    Disposing of a body in a body of water, particularly a very deep lake, is actually an excellent way of getting rid of it, IF you do it correctly. Simply tossing it into the water with a rock tied to it won’t cut it. As the gasses build up, that sucker is gonna float. If you’re going to go with the water disposal, you have to field dress the body. Gut it, remove the internal organs that can bloat up with gas, then fill the body cavity with heavy stones or cinder blocks, whatever. Then wrap the body up in rabbit wire to prevent the weights from becoming dislodged. Can’t use chicken wire, it would rust out in the water too fast, and can’t use a tarp or something more solid because you need the little fishies, etc, to have easy access to the flesh as it decomps.

    Of course you’re still at risk of some fisherman hooking into it, but assuming you dumped it off in water that’s at least 40 ft deep, it’s pretty minimal.

    Most of all though, no one can know. An old criminal justice professor of mine told me once the only way two people can keep a secret is if one of ’em is dead. He said that the majority of criminals get caught not because of DNA, or fingerprints (a little steam, some super glue, and someone else’s fingerprints can be a lot of fun if you want to pin it on the someone else), or smart detective work, but because someone blabbed. Usually the perp’s girlfriend or wife gets mad and blabs to a friend, who tells someone else, who gets pinched on some petty drug bust and rolls over to save his own ass.

  • Jazz

    The idea that you should commit your crime in a rural area because no one will do anything? I live in a rural area… population under 1000. Our po po probably won’t do anything to catch the criminal, you’re right. That’s because we’re all so heavily armed here that it’s doubtful the perp will be alive by the time he arrives on the scene. We all know who belongs here, and who doesn’t, and we subscribe to the philosophy of the 3 S’s.

    Shoot.
    Shovel.
    STFU

  • anonymous…

    one thing i think you should always remember, is to stay level and don’t think about your crime or don’t think of it as a crime, cause although methods like a lie detecting test are not completely accurate it is still possible to determine a persons guilt by his body language, so if you have a sweating issue or a mannerism to blink a lot of something avoid doing crimes. figure out patterns in your life that would be problematic when trying to achieve a crime, such as if you leave a note to psych the police and you normally write with a lot of periods then figure out those kinds of patterns and take note of them when making your note.

  • SYKO

    you guys have it all wrong the perfect crime is to rape a dead baby live is good too but they cry too much

  • juan

    nic epage i really like it A href=”http://www.safem.com/”title=”Generic”>Generic Levitra

  • Dr. Doofenshmirtz

    I’m evil, I know I am! I just know it! And now, with the help of your list, I will finally dispose of that accursed platypus and rule the entire Tri-State area!!!

  • ted bundy’s daughter

    Simply read Patricia Cornwell’s The Stranger Beside me. Il be damned if i get caught.

  • Illest Realist

    I’ve thought about committing the perfect crime for quite some time. The roadblocks I always run into is familiarty with the area, & DNA or witnesses. Witnesses are easy enough to handle, all they can say is what they see.. U can drive around, find someone who’s car is the same make as yours, confiscate their tags & ditch them 10 min after committing the act. DNA is also a no brainer, wear gloves & don’t get close enough to get cut, bitten, or anything else. Guns?? Who buys registered guns anymore?? U can go to Kentucky, NC, SC, or a state over from where ever you are to steal a gun. If push comes to shove just find a young single woman with a baby that lives by her self, 1 out of 3 of those own a gun. Break in when they’re not home & get it. If DNA could be a issue or they pulled out some hair b/c U got to close. Go down to the local barbershop & go dumpster diving, they’ll never figure that one out. If it comes down to skin under their nails or hand prints torch the place, If it has a gas stove kill the Pilot light, put it all the way on & throw some tin foil in the Microwave for 10 min before U leave.But I don’t think murder is the way to go in the first place. I am an evil person, I believe in hurting someone so badly that they can’t recover & you get to think of them suffering. Forget murder, go pay some kid that looks older than 18 to have sex with that person then have them go & confess (Make sure they can’t Identify you though). Get that person locked up for having sex with a minor & see how long they last in prison. If they do get out go to their neighborhood & post up flyers at night to let everyone know they’re a child molestor.. See how long they last in the real world. Killing someone in quite isn’t the way to go. U get others to do it for you. 1st rule to not getting caught is not to do it at all, get someone else to do it that doesn’t have to worry about dealing with the consequences.

  • jojoclaymontdelaware

    i do my dirt all by my lonely. dont ask dont tell… any questions????

  • LastKnight

    Getting a throw-away gun is as simple as going to any major city (at least one hour from where you commit the crime). Ask the first drug-deaer who offers you a substance where to get some “heat” (to avoid an undercover cop, ask a young minority dealer). Chances are, they know someone, or someone who knows someone. Buy your weapon in a back alley from the trunk of a car. Don’t leave the weapon! If you are dirving (or even biking!) Disasemble the weapon and throw the individual pieces one at a time at least three to five miles apart into the bush on a back-country road (interstates and highways are sometimes cleaned by prison inmates).

    Burn the cloths you wore, receipts, & other evidence in a fire barrel, mix with quickcrete/cement, allow to dry, dump in a random lake (back country/middle of the woods/etc.)

    Easy alibi, rent a long payperview porn movie at a small motel (first floor,with a window, electric key, the rest is common sense).

  • Zena

    If you watch crime shows, you know all this already.But, you have to understand, there is always that chance of things going array and BAM, you’re Bubbas new toy.Thats reason enough for me to not do it.

  • aiden

    its just too risky
    unless you have nothing to lose at all
    then don’t kill anyone

  • Mr White

    Is this website a government conspiracy to catch silly killers? Its probably checking me now! OMG! What do I do? I think I had better kill all of you, AND YOU! Mwah ha haha!

  • DeAdMaN

    hahahaha That’s freaky somehow :P

  • Brandon

    I dont see how some of the most careful serial killers can be caught, yet drive bys happen daily here in the greater los angeles area and these gangstas have a 50/50 chance of not being caught…what about shell casings, tire marks? and i also dont get why you need to get rid of your pefectly good gun after you shoot someone…youre probably not the only one in town with that caliber weapon…if all the cops have on you is that u own a gun with a caliber that was found to have been the same size of the bullet that shot the victim, then you should be fine, right? as long as the serial number isnt scratched off haha

  • person

    Also, commit the crime in a big city, as they have more murders and the police force will less likely concentrate their efforts on your individual case

  • TwistedDagger

    I found the information in here very interesting,
    Some people had very interesting info to share in the comments…
    But come on people! Some here were like they “kill every now and then”, I bet those people would shit in their pants if they see a knife flip in-front of their eyes! So lame really!

    Another thing, I could imagine that hitting a bank is kinda cool, But murder is plain sick stupid, and if someone in this form thinks otherwise, its the same sickness you in your mind which probably will lead you to be caught if you chose to murder or hurt someone.
    What goes around comes around, in some form or another.

    Finally, if you really want to do something fun and cool, pick up sky diving, don’t go around saying stupid things about how murder is cool and bullshit like that, I doubt you will think it is once someone comes and murders you or someone you love.

  • chikatilo

    nice one..hehe

  • Rian

    bookmarked.. i wil be needing this..

  • Haha hilarious list!

  • sqweegel

    Read Level 26: Dark Origins
    By Anthony E. Zuiker

    The main antagonist covers himself in butter and puts on a body suit
    and he is almost 100% untracable

  • Gottzock

    If i may give a humble suggestion…
    In Amsterdam (noord-Holland)75% of the p0lice is on continuous patrol in matters of marijuana- and prostitutioncontrol..
    so a large part of the remaining 25% (not all of them, so dnt get too confident because in percentage holland has the highest number of officers on duty)
    will investigate mostly cocain buisness.

    G

  • Gottzock

    @Brandon (186):
    I believe the getting rid of gun idea might go to people on the outside of the usa since most people become very suspicious in posession of a firearm.

  • infestedtassadar

    i think driving would be wiser then biking. simply not staying on the road as long. though chances are your going to be picked up on camera in transport at some point. driving also of course gives you much greater range.

    also do NOT bring a cellphone, gps or any wireless divices. cell phones can easily be tracked via what cell towers the phone connects to. plus most, if not all cell phones have gps.

    prob would be wiser to steal a car vs using your own. torch car/clothss once done. if you use a gun, do not leave shell casings. distroy shell casings, gun berral and the guns firing pen. the firing pen leaves just as much of a finger print on the casing as the berral does on the fired shell. shutgun should be considered as no rifling or spent shell casing, unless you reload.

    also of course, choose your vic wisely, allowing enough time to escape. be aware that chances are you will leave a hair behind. it often takes one mistake (often simple and stupid) for police to look your way.

    guns i wouldnt advise due to noise. noise can bring witnesses and a trail for police. Never, ever, ever speak to a cop and surprised this didn’t get listed. ive watched many shows of actual cops chasing actual killers and many of times the person talked and hung themselves when the police didn’t have enough to convict. always ask for a lawyer. if you find yourself in an interrogation room, once you ask for a lawyer the interview has to stop immediately.

    best tool is perhaps knowing your rights and how to execute them. also, never concent to a search

  • infestedtassadar

    also would like to add that dna can be extracted from a print. prob would be wise to set some delayed torchs or something. allowing you to escape while setting the place ablaze

  • elanjane

    Murder is too evil, it`ll come back to bite you. What type of loner does that and then tells no-one? A stupid idiot, who looks/acts freaky and different and witnesses will rememeber him/her. Electric chair for them.
    Have a look at images of murderers and serial killers, they all look wierd, you can`t hide what`s in your soul. They give off a vibe and people dont want to be around them, except other low life or weak, damaged people.
    There may be people who have got away with murder etc but eventually they will have to pay for their crimes with prison or hell.

  • panicdog

    devilishgrin66 wrote: “Never follow a pattern – kill a black woman with a knife, a white man with a gun, an indian transsexual with a harp…etc.”

    I almost pissed my pants ROTFL.

    As funny as the dialogue of Lock, Stock and 2 Smoking Barrels.
    >>What d’you mean armed?
    >>Armed with what?
    >>Bad breath, colourful language, feather duster?

  • Sluiq

    I’m surprised no one even mentions politics.

    Some of the greatest perfect crimes are those done by the one who know how to play the political game well.

    Use the CIA to replace your enemies

    Use the media to start a war

    Work with lobbyists and get rich

    Steal the votes and then work the system

    Keep yourself from being impeached and then you can walk away from it all

    Just remember… don’t have sex with fat ladies and lie about it.

  • matt

    another point you should have made, is to play stupid. its ridiculous how all the t.v shows show the suspect automatically confess at the very end of the show. or assume nothing- let the cops do all the talking. another way the catch criminals is if the perps add a detail that the cop didn’t disclose. and you should be aware of talking to a psychiatrist or therapist- they’re legally and ethically obligated to notify the police of a crime

  • Abby Normal

    I’d like to address comment 197 elanjane. Normal acting and looking people commit murder everyday and they have to first believe in the karma or god bullshit before they feel like they are paying for something. The mind is a crazy thing and one shouldnt stereo type.

  • J. L.

    Very useful tips! I've been thinking about killing someone and now that I've read these tips, I can prepare myself to commit the crime without alot of worry! Thanks for all the helpful tips!!!

  • Dexter Fan

    1. First this article is about how to commit the perfect CRIME, funny how everyone automatically gravitates towards murder.
    2. Only serial killers get away with murder which is kinda ironic. You kill 20 random people and no one notices but you kill one person you know and wham! You're in jail.
    3. Classic catch 22 scenario…if you kill a random person, you're less likely to get caught but then again why would you to want to kill a random person?
    4. Hypothetically speaking, if you want to kill someone you know, manipulate the evidence. Find someone else with motive, obtain their DNA and plant it at the crime scene. Make sure you know their habits and they're alone/sleeping at the time. Even if it doesn't convince everyone, it will leave reasonable doubt.
    5. Erase/destroy/delete anything and everything that helped you commit the crime. If you're reading this, and are planning to kill someone you had better be at a cyber-cafe or your gonna get busted from your computer records.
    6. No body + No weapon + No evidence of a crime = No conviction.
    7. If you're gonna do it at least make sure you're not in a state with the death penalty. But on second thought, if you're really planning on murdering someone you kinda deserve to get caught.
    8. Intelligent people are too smart to kill. Everyone else is dumber than they realise and end up in prison or gets away with it through sheer dumb luck.
    9. Re-think your situation and find another solution, cause nothing can be worth risking your freedom and your life.
    10. What makes you think you've got the right to take someone else's life anyway? Make love, not war!

  • IanOnWeeds

    @MDWhite
    no, most of the people who post here are not serious, any moron can see that.. cept a few apparantly.. and no, there is no god, and you will find out when someone breaks into your house, rapes your wife, hang your kids up by their toenails, feed your cat to the dog, ties your dog to the railroad track, and beats you to death with your audio book version of the first testament (or whatever the hell you read ^^)
    I find it funny how people who "believe in god" always seem so self-rightious (sp?), and are very fast to judge.. if you really believe in "God", then leave the judging up to this socalled god.

    you guy are going to be very surprised when you die, after living a life devoted to believing in the biggest most sucessfull lie in the history of the world.

    If you want to commit the perfect crime its simple..

    make up a religion.. there are dumb people all over the world, who will do anything for something to believe in. (send me my 15%)

  • there nothing call perfect crime

    Good guys win in the end
    or you will go to hell

  • jsad345

    rob a drug dealers home

  • GilFox

    Perfect crime… Self defense… You have a contract to kill someone in NY… Enjoy the city, and start the bussiness…First fuck up the love life of this guy… making HE Thinks at LEAST that is beeing cheated… Then second, Try to be fire him from work or whatever this guys do… If its is a normal job… You can get him fired…. IF ITS A BIG job (like actor or some kindy rich shitty job) ITS A LOT EASIER!!! Then Finish the others things that he have in life… cash, nerves of steel, ect ect… It will make him mad… IF you got lucky and it kills himself or make some crimes… great… If not… just follow him on day in the street and tumbles to him, make him get even more angry lol… he tries to punch you… you struke a knife in the neck… IN public… Self defense… NOTE that it will take MANY time to destroy her belongings and loves, months maybe… IF YOU CAN MAKE IT WITHOUT A TRACE YOU HAVE the perfect crime solved… OR you can call the JOKER,,, works the same lol ;) ……… lool just an ideia… kinda stupid but enough for a good movie :)… sorry for my english… cya

  • GilFox

    and IF you kill him in public… ANd if you make it get mad.. believe me that even if you hit him with one knife people will come up to you to help… Matters of police and stuff… All you need to do is yell SELF DEFENSE and then cry a little in the middle of the public!… if you get some simple colthes it helps to cause nobody is helping a richy suit man.

  • archworf

    chose-rhymes with garden hose, past tense of CHOOSE-rhymes with booze, which means to select.

  • King

    LOL GUESS WHAT GUYS!?!?!? I just robbed a 7/11 corner store! Nobody tell though heheheh

  • JOECOOL

    If you need DNA, just go to any 'peep show' and scoop up someones cum, put it in a bottle for when you need it.

  • Tom Hanks

    Grab a bottle of Poop and pour it on a Puppies head… that will cause and analytical explosion of justice….

  • IDONTKNOWMYNAME

    Well,I think you should throw the assasin weapon in a river.
    This really creeps me out,but,I think the best way to get rid of the body(if things go messy) is to dismember it and deposit the parts in different places.Extremities in a bag, buried in a field,and the torse in a river.Always use latex gloves and throw them.Clean the crime scene really really good,and remember to check the light interructors.Be sure of not leave any hair,fingernail,transpiration,or salive.And GTFO!!!

    Or you can watch Snatch,and listen carefully to Bricktop:)

    P.S: Do you want to come to my house:)

  • IDONTKNOWMYNAME

    GilFox,I think that if you cold blood murder a guy in public with a knife,and he didnt tried to kill you with any weapon,the results would be just baaaad(if the place is desert,maybe,you know,DNA stuff).

  • IDONTKNOWMYNAME

    But I think the best advice is DONT DO IT IF YOU DONT HAVE A REALLY GOOD CAUSE.
    I think I would murder someone who killed or did something to my loved people,especially my best friend,but Id really hate myself,it would be the last chioce…

    • wieocyucor

      Being poor, desperately in need of money for your families basic welfare definitely is REALLY A GOOD ENOUGH CAUSE to rob a rich mans house.

  • Celso Melo

    I found the list a bit disturbing :(

  • DioBrando

    I did not manage to read all the comments, but I did it until the half of the page… I found everything very interesting!

    I’m a 20 years old Italian, and things here are quite different rather than in America. To be honest, things here are the worst I ever seen.
    Living here requires to trust daily bullshits and faked news from newspapers and TV shows.
    You have to live aside douchebags with nazi ideals who use 99% of brain to think about screaming senseless moanings like Chewbacca, and 1% about aiming it in the centre of the hole.
    You have to live with people who wants to change all of this simply sitting and talking how bad the country goes.
    Also, think that mafia here works side by side with our actual government and with our actual president (guess who?).
    There are so many motivations wich makes me want to begin a new life out of here as soon as possible.

    Okay, I’ll write in-topic… :)
    So, speaking about the original post, I guess that everything you will do,before or after having killed a person, can widely vary depending from the situation. For example, if you ever get caught by the police, the best method here is to fake your personality and convince judges you are mad. It can be so easy, you know? Just act! You will be out of prison in days, or weeks. Really, here in Italy those things happen often. Everyone’s mad, this is Wonderland. But where’s Alice?
    There are many unsolved crimes, here. And police will easily forget simplier, “soft” murders. So, if you ever kill a person here in Italy, and if you do things right and in a simple way (so, no violent or public crimes), you could probably be never caught if you wait a bit of time. Some months will do. People will pay much more attention to mass-aimed shows such as Grande Fratello, Amici, Porta a Porta, TG4. Shit of the purest quality.
    Next… There are so many car accidents here that it would be so easy to kill a man by simply hitting him with your car. Everyone will think about a common street accident. Just be sure that nobody is wathcing, then drive away. Nobody, and I say nobody will ever find you.
    Let me think… Oh, yes. Indoor murders. Obviously enough, it’s more difficult for a criminal wich committed murder indoor to be identified. But it’s not so obvious as you may think. Corpses are big, hard to carry or to hide, and they emit a strong, bad smell. Well… Just think that a man succesfully hidden her daughter’s corpse into his flat for months, without creating any suspects.
    And, if you have friends among politicians or among the mafia, or if you ARE a politician or a mafious, well, you can do everything you want, and nobody will ever suspect about you. You’ll just have to pay a bit, or have to bring some whores.

    What’s the point of all this? Here it is!
    If there’s an easy crime to commit in America, it’s even easier to commit it in Italy! Yay!

    Seriously speaking, I know all these things because sooner or later you always come to know them, here in Italy. We are a mass of granny chatterers. Of course there will be so much people saying: “It’s not true, it’s bullshit!”, but trust me, they are not.

    Thanks for the attention and sorry if I mistaken some grammar. :)

  • Your Friend

    Now go to Internet History and erase that you were in this website or you done for pal!

  • Pingback: i may need help hiding the body...... - Page 7 - US Message Board - Political Discussion Forum()

  • Making my way from the old to the new lists.. this was hilarious to read although, slightly disturbing :o

  • hmmmmmmm

    Question I live in Alberta and was wondering how is it legal for the police to follow you for months watching you do crime and do nothing till months later? is this not intrapment

    • Never Guilty

      This reminds me of an old George Carlin bit in which he speculates on whom invented the flame thrower:
      “I sure would like to burn up those people over there … but they’re just too far.” It would have ended there, but he happened to mention it to a friend who was good with tools. and …

    • Darris

      I don’t know Canadian law, but entrapment is when they make you commit a crime. Like when they say “I would like to buy some cocaine from you” lol
      that’s why undercover cops use slang. If they say cocaine, then you selling it is their fault, not yours.

  • Juri

    1. is a very good point. The second Charing Cross trunk murderer was not caught cuz he committed his murder on Derby Day. Shitloads of people around so no-one saw him. And it's probable that he left the country right after.

  • Tamz

    I killed Jimmy Hoffa. His body can be found in the following location: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ , _ _ _ _ _.

    If you find him, please don't contact me. I will be gone before you read this.

  • Jessica

    I accidentally killed somebody who I knew. He was out of town aswell and I didn’t recognize him because he got a new hat. :( Am I going to prison???????

  • Bill

    I think you’ve made a mistake. If the crime is noticed, the first mistake has already occurred. If it goes unnoticed, there will be no investigation.

  • savarthe

    very good

  • Ada

    Wow! these tips are so good in way that they will help me in my private invesgation trainings

  • Ryan

    Who reads this crap?

  • Darris

    In an American courtroom, DNA is only there to prove that the accused was present. There’s a problem plaguing the country’s courtrooms deemed the “CSI effect” in which jurors don’t find someone guilty because there is no DNA evidence lol

  • Parr

    Don’t brag about your crimes that is stupid when I helped to rob a bank last week at 2:45am we bragged about it to everyone. Me and John got away with no problems.

  • Gzu355

    If anyone who visits this website plans on commuting a major crime,i.e. murder, bank robbery etc, you’re already busted. If you don’t think government agencies check out websites like this and their visitors, not only are you ignorant but also too stupid to get away with any major crime. Always use someone elses computer to conduct your research.

  • Khrys

    12:
    DO NOT BOOKMARKS THIS PAGE!

  • V

    LMFAO…. nice entertaining and definately not what I was looking for but an A for capturing my attention

  • Jordan

    I have a barely controllable desire to strangle people and animals. I am logically familiar, and even agree with, general codes of ethics (IE, that placing so little value on consciousness as to extinguish someone else’s is horrific), but I am completely incapable of understanding that on any kind of empathetic level. People can never be anything more than hunks of meat to me.

    If it were not for the fear of messing up and getting caught, I would not be able to control my compulsions. Morality, unfortunately, only works when you can put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Primitive desires will always overcome isolated rationality.

  • Always work alone,trust nobody,depend only on yourself!If you believe you can do it,than you can,becouse no one knows you like you.

  • If you want to murder someone,make it look like an accident.It’s hard but once the police confirm it’s an accident and the case is closed,you have nothing to worry about:)Or you can plant someone’s DNA,but be very careful.Learn your victims habits.If you have a great idea on how to commit a murder and not get caught,tell no one.Remember,the great ones always get caught on some stupid mistakes.

  • brian

    A needle in a haystack? That’s the clichest of cliches.

  • Dave

    Very enjoyable read,thank you.your info. Is spot on.

  • Jack the slipper

    I can get free advice on how to get away with murder, through the internet now? …Nice…

  • Jack the Smacker

    I killed no one haha.

  • abdoml

    knowledge full information

  • navyboy

    I killed Osama!

  • Canibal Lecter

    If you read this don’t forget to errase it from your computer history!

  • Zodiac

    killed 4 people using this guide! Thanks!!!

  • ComicalAdolescentRascal

    This means anybody can commit a perfect crime- it is not illegal until you are caught. However, I wonder how is it possible to overcome commonly held-beliefs and morals for murderers and killers. Wouldn’t this drive an average person into insanity?

  • mr big

    i kiled 75 people this way

  • dr suess

    molested and murdered 50 people this way

  • Mary

    Hahahaha! You’re a genius! After the tips for committing the perfect crime…there are tips for surviving prison! hahahaah

  • Fred

    thank you this is a really helpful article.. and it is actually good idea is to use a group of people, each doing a different things and playing different parts, as long as you can all trust each other with your lives.
    but just incase we will all read the top 10 tips on surviving prison. :)

  • 6

    I wanna make mini music video with a murder in it. I might use some of these as a ref (Y)

  • kearagen

    some guy threated my gf and is a known killer… so any ideas

  • ak

    depending on the crime the police will not go out of there way to finding the person for example in my old house when we left and came back we got robbed. We called the police they came in like an hour and just asked “what time did you leave” “when did you come back” “what did they rob” and thats all, then they left and didnt care. Another time we got vandalized and the person wrote on the wall, we even knew who it was, but though it was a minor and they didnt really care. Murder is a different story though…atleast i would hope so.

  • mentalpain

    Great tips. Ones that most should know. For my trophy needs it’s all about planning, planning planning!

  • yourmomo

    Good job at helping potential psychopaths get away with murder, fucking dickhead

  • masochist

    Ok… I have to kill someone before I die just so I can know if it has a feeling, if there is a sensation associated with taking a life. My first major crime would be robbery but I’m not sure what place to hit. I’ve got a gun that is the most common gun In the us, a knife with no unique marks or characteristics, and a motorcycle for the getaway. My bike would be stashed a few blocks away and I’m a fairly fast runner, any witnesses would say that I was on foot. What would be the best place to hit? (Lots of cash, shitty security/alarm)

    • JAX

      you should find a person on craigslist and scare the shit out of em

    • MK

      Every state has a Sex Offender list!

      Make sure its NOT statutory ‘rape” but of one under 13 or so. You KNOW your killing Scum then!!

  • Whyt74

    this is for sherlock. even though trying to frame someone else is a good attempt in trying to take the heat off you, if u try to plant evidence on someone else to lessen your suspicion than you still have to take the evidence off that peice of evidence your using to frame them, THAN have to plant the framing evidence without being caught by the people u wanna frame.and last try and put a motive to connet the person you murdered and them together, but you where right, if trying to attempemt this life ending idea you probly should look for someone with an extensive criminal backround. so sorry bud but scratch that idea.

  • AliceStrangeway

    It’s kinda scary how you know all this stuff. Makes me want to go and hide behind a cushion. :D

  • Penny Pritchard

    Well, just doing a little research today. They published in the paper this morning the fact that ‘How to commit a perfect crime’ had been entered into the computer of Shafia at the Honor Killing Trial in Canada that came to a verdict yesterday. So in checking it out, yes, he might have picked up the idea of going out of town, doing the crime at night, and other things, from such a site as this.
    Just covering myself here, in case there is ever the need for an e-discovery in my case, it being the case that y0ur article is certainly encouraging for the possibility that I might be able to commit the perfect crime! Just kidding, your honor!!!!

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  • ???????

    how can you guys actually out tips and edivice on how to kill another human being.. yall are all crazy smh

  • John klassen

    Fake beards. Wigs. A pillow on ur ass and stomach are key. An ice pic. Or 22 with a suppressor. Don’t ever rush or run. Wear a size of shoes two sizes two big. Put fake plates on your car with a set of magnets. And stay calm. If your frantic you will fail. If the cops already have your DNA. Stay home.

  • flakefrost

    An Alibi is extremely important. The use of a credit card in an area far away from the crime is one of the best ways to avoid bieng a suspect. Organisation is very important. Think about everything weeks or months before committing the crime. Have a good plan and also a plan B.

  • a guy

    ur all a bunch of stupid fool thinking that an article would help you make a perfect crime hahahahahaha so lame in my opinion . and to be honest if anyone of you tried he’d get caught eventually ,but before than that ofcourse we shouldnot forget the fact that you wouldn’t have the guts to kill and make the perfect crime . i really think that you all should try go and get a life that would be much easier for than that task !!!!!!!!!!!

  • Patrick Bateman

    I only kill serial killers, rapists, and other bad people.

    I’ve been doing it since I was young, and no one has ever caught me.

    • Leigh Kennedy

      Is that you Dexter Morgan?

  • Kri

    Don’t forget to study a lot before committing a perfect crime.If you want to be a thief, learn all what you can find about alarms and locks.If you want to murder someone, learn all about how the police and forensics are solving the cases. Remember, you can find almost everything on the internet today, and always work alone, don’t trust anyone, and if you come up with a perfect plan, never ever tell anyone.

  • Zach

    Pay a professional to do it.

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  • gbaby

    So i want to stock some1 & plot out the best time to kidnap them…..jus wana scare them….any advice on how to do this with out getting caught?

    • MK

      YES and its 100% foolproof to work! DON’T DO IT!

  • Guest

    This is disgusting. People who read and write articles like these should be locked up for life.

    • MK

      See even YOU have the urge to hurt people. Most equate prison to death. So dont think your better then anyone else. You just like everyone here. Human!
      They feel justified for the actions just like you do. NOBODY wakes up and saids “im gonna do evil shit- I dont want to do it cause its wrong, so i will do it!”

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  • noah

    I would choose someone who is a known drinker or something then kill them using alcohol poisoning then couldve got really drunk then died accidental suicide but do it after something tragic happens such as a funeral of a relative of theirs

  • MK

    Also almost everything the person asked about- Weight gain, Diabetes etc ARE transferable! Back when HGH was non-synthetic. They got it from Human Cadavers. Peopel were coming down with CANCER, Leukemia and other diseases that the cadaver 1) Died of or 20 Had in their family. So when you take on a Bone Marrow- YES- they DO take in the Genetics and DAN to a major point. Enough to NOT be same person! Show you how dumb Your ass is!

  • MK

    NO-ATMs do NOT RECORD. they only take pics when someone is putting in a card. I leraned this when sum1 was carjacked and they said they didnt get a pic of the suspect cause ATMs dont record until the card is inserted. They take pictures and don’t ‘record’ like a typical camera does. The frames are Slow.

  • I recently discovered an almost perfect crime and reported to the police,one of its perpetrators was so talkative enough and boasted to the point that he gave all the details about happened.He deserves punishment and convicted on murdering an innocent security guard on duty

  • MK

    YOU have to be lucky ALWAYS. The police have to be luck just once AND they have your entire life to convict you! They are catching people in their retirement years. Also don’t forget that ALL people have the urge to CONFESS!!
    You may not think so-but the majority of people DO!! You may even do it unknowingly but eventually after it eats at you- your going to CONFESS.
    We are prewired to do so. That why cops want to talk to you. Not just to trap you but to lower your will to where you;ll tell everything.

  • Brad W

    It is best to use the K.I.S.S method ( KEep IT Simple Stupid ) gun not traced to you ,gloves a hat , sunglasses, learn daily activities ,when they come out one morning to get into the car , you walk up,after they are in the car do the deed ,drop the gun and walk off ,never run then go have breakfast @ a mom and pop kind of place be sure to talk to server and make a joke ,,the harder you make doing it means there is more to remember ,,Keep it simple,@ least thats what i would do

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  • Catholic

    Why even commit a crime it’s a sin and your going to go to hell

  • crimelord

    Did my crime. Got away with it too. Four argos pens. Better lay low for a few years.

  • mr. pie

    this list, and the author, are disgusting.

    • MK

      Not at all! The fact that so many people have this on their mind and are so open about it.. You should find that trend disturbing. Dont let ‘lack of control’ rule your mood.

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  • JackTheRipperClone

    Trust Absolutly No One. Don’t Tell Anyone and here’s another good tip. If you Can do the Crime By Yourself. That way there is no way of having an Accessory that blurts and rats you out to the police. Be descrete and quiet NEVER tell a Soul.

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  • MK

    How to do SAFE research?!
    1)Well use a laptop-
    2)use another or extra WiFi card to connect. (Your MAC address on the ‘new’ device wont have your MAC address on it)
    3)connect to WiFi out of town..via car..
    4)Download a Linux LIVE CD
    5)Running a LIVE CD and doing Searches is 100% Private!
    (Live CD’s do NOT use your HD) They use your RAM
    Always keep your extra Wifi/USB Wifi in a safe place.
    NEVER sign into your email addresses,Messengers,Websites etc while on LINUX CD..
    With a LIVE CD- if you want to be EXTRA CAREFUL.. Use a 120v Inverter
    and take your battery out of laptop. SO if Police etc
    Want to see your Laptop-UNPLUG It or let them unplug it :-)
    Info is GONE!! (Make sure you DONT leave your battery out in open!!)

    There! That is HOW you do REAL Anonymous Surfing!!

  • Nate

    How you know all this you ask? CSI Miami, that’s all I’m going to say lol

  • dedi

    Make sure no one watching, hit the doorbell four times. Then run like hell . They can’t catch you. Don’t stop.

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  • forgery

    i personally like knives u can savour all the little emotions and last out the enjoyment

  • dumbass123

    yeah and im santa

  • MK

    A Chunk of DRY ICE in Shotgun Shell. To a frozen medium (CSI had scene where Nitrogen Frozen Hamburger was used to form the Ammo instead of lead into a .38 shell) The corpse was found at a body dump. (They have them in many states, where the PLACE dead bodies to test the science of their decomp) A certain bug was found that confused the investigators. It is only found on bovines. Therefore the boy was moved and discovered it wasn’t supposed to be at the ‘dump’. (Now we know where to dump the body now!) The suspect using his own reloading station to form the bullet was his downfall. Point is Liquid Nitrogen can be used to freeze certain elements or ‘dry ice bath’ will freeze it almost as well. See how to make “Poorman’s Liquid Nitrogen” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d11TFkeqbwY In disregard to the writers version on CSI. The chances of the piece of hamburger that since thawed used as ammo would leave much of any evidence like bugs. More likely the body will have consumed the ‘meat bullet’. They would be at awe for where the bullet is. I know for a fact that a Deeply frozen bullet analog ie: meat etc WOULD penetrate just the same leading to a fatal blow. Provided the shot it well placed. Sternum (Where heart is) Face (Thorax Region) etc Using regular ice or freezer frozen is wayyy to warm to work. Dry Ice can be bought at any Ice House or online where Liquid Nitrogen may be bought too. (For Experimental use of course! :-) Naturally the nest places is to buy ‘locally’ with cash and no names..

    • MK

      **CORRECTION: I said ‘Shell’. I meant to say BULLET

  • This blog post is sooo funny! If was inclined to plan a crime, THIS would INDEED be my reference! Lol

  • ANONYKILL666

    Thank you kindly. This was an helpful post.

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