Top 10 Bizarre Toys for Kids

This is another of the previously unpublished lists found in our latest book, the Ultimate Book of Bizarre Lists. Here we look at ten toys that are either horrifying, bizarre or unimaginably inappropriate for their target market. If you know of other revolting or disastrous toys, mention them in the comments.

Given the strange circumstances under which Mr Herman was arrested some years ago, one wonders why any company would agree to produce a child’s doll of him. That aside, the doll itself is horrifying – it looks like a monstrous grinning clown without its red nose. The ill-fitting suit and strangely long fingers make this a doll that no parent would want for their child.

If you are worried that your child is not narcissistic enough, this is the toy for them! The look-alike doll is a small action figure made to look exactly like its owner. Just send in a photo and wait for your doll to arrive in the post. This is a great way to make precious children feel even more precious.

Reborn Babies is the brainchild of Deborah King, from Scotland. While there is no denying her artistic talent – the dolls she produces are macabre to say the least. She attempts to make her dolls as lifelike as possible – complete with an optional beating heart. The unfortunate thing is that she makes them look so real that the lack of movement and the frozen poses make it look like an embalmed infant corpse. Any child that jumps for joy at receiving one of these for Christmas needs to get to a therapist, pronto!

Unless you are a member of your local ku klux klan, or any other racist, bigoted organization, you are not at all going to want this hideous (and very lifelike) doll for your child. The doll even comes with a removable Nazi uniform, in case you want to see Hitler’s missing testicle.

This hideous toy has a covering that feels like human skin and hair that feels like human hair. It is headless (the hair comes out of its neck) and has a tail made of a metal rod. This toy is simply dreadful. Whatever benefit a young child (and that is the age group it is marketed at) would get from his grotesque bundle of fake human flesh is beyond me. Here is what the company says about it: “They require minimal maintenance, can be stored in state of forced hibernation in standard refrigerators, and are customizable with different body, skin and hair selections and through tanning, tattooing and piercing.”

Pee and Poo plush toys are designed to make your children comfortable with pee and poo. Why you want to make them comfortable with the idea of playing WITH pee and poo is something I have yet to work out. While these are undoubtedly designed to help with toilet training, it seems to me that teaching children that handling poo is okay is not a good idea.

God Almighty is an action figure sold by the “Jesus Christ Superstore”. It features a God-like figure with a long white beard wearing a flowing white coat. The figure also comes with a Kalashnikov AK-47 (yeah right – because God really needs one of those) and the unfortunate logo on the box reads: “his [sic] is the kingdom, the power and the glory”. Tacky.

Only in Japan would a toy like this be developed. This toy is a bag filled with an anatomically correct lady who has been chopped into pieces. She is complete with blood oozing out of her wounds and blood splatters on her face. Perfect for the parent who wants to distract their future serial-killer child from killing animals.

Believe it or not a British company produced a stripper pole toy for young girls to practice their pole dancing. Fortunately, some officials decided to yank it from the shelves. But, sadly, not before dozens of chavs bought them for their daughters. The marketing campaign for this product is quite unbelievable: “Unleash the sex kitten inside…simply extend the Peekaboo pole inside the tube, slip on the sexy tunes and away you go!” Remember – this was made for pre-teen girls.

Yes, it is another doll – but we are certain you will understand why it is number one. Let’s start with the product tagline: “Because you shouldn’t have to wait until you have breasts before you start breastfeeding your baby.” I beg to differ. This doll comes with a special top for pre-pubescent girls to wear that has little flowers in the place of nipples. When the doll is placed on the flower it begins to suckle. This doll is seriously, seriously wrong. It is made by Spanish company Berjuan.