It’s the Day After Christmas, When All Through Your House,
Those Brown Monkey Socks and That Way-Too Big Blouse,
Need to Go Back to the Store Right Away,
So No One Will See You Dressed That-A-Way!
I Mean Who in Their Right Mind Would Give Such a Thing
As a Bright-Orange Tie or a Plastic Mood Ring,
So it’s Off to the Store You Head With a Dash
Wondering Aloud Why You Didn’t Get Cash.
10. Duplicate Toys
When you have a big family like mine, it is a wonder this little mishap doesn’t happen all the time. Yes, there are lists a-plenty throughout the preceding months, however -probably similarly to your family- my parents and grandparents and steps- and -in laws like to go out on limbed tangents and get whatever they so desire. This can, and has, resulted in gift duplications that only serve to lead to irritated children who, loudly, announce, “Hey, we already got this toy the other day!” I sure hope you kept the receipt.
9. Housewares
What ever gave you the idea that I have any intention, ever, of making pressed sandwiches? Yes, I have been the ever-proud recipient of one of these useless machines that I have used precisely this many times: 0. Unfortunately, I couldn’t return it since it was purchased from a store in another state. I still have it. Also, while we’re at it, unless it is specifically asked for, bathroom accessories are not cool gifts, since no one that I have ever seen, shy of eighty-year olds, have their washrooms decked out in lavender. No good.
8. Movies
Wow, how did you know I wanted my very own copy of Mega Force? Oh, thanks, now I can watch Ed as often as I want! Unless you are on an intimate-knowledge basis with your to-be gift recipient, getting a movie for him or her is a hit-or-miss prospect and, chances are, one of the two parties is going away thoroughly disappointed. Keep that Deluxe-Edition of Weekend at Bernie’s Two for your own collection.
7. Video Games
You are treading into some seriously shark-infested waters here, pal. Now, assume for a moment that your child has taken the time to not only sketch out a perfect mock-up of the video game’s cover in his Christmas list, but also has drawn you a map to the various locales at which said game can be purchased, maybe it’s a good idea for you to follow it. He or she obviously wants this particular game enough to have politely begged you for it since Halloween, so wrapping up a copy of Sim Paint Dry is going to be the first rung on the rapidly-building ladder of disappointment that is your parenthood.
6. Music
Yet another vacation into the badlands on this one, sir or madam. Just because you are not a fan of Modern Punk or Emo doesn’t necessarily mean that your sullen teen isn’t. Believe me, I understand, Fallout Boy and Panic at the Disco! are, by far, more annoying than a cat in a wood chipper, but your son or daughter is infatuated with them. If you’re already nursing the head wound from the projectile that was a Billy Joel hits collection, I suggest a return trip to the mall.
5. Shoes
Sometimes your favorite aunt, or step-mother, goes a little bonkers and decides to pick you up a fine new pair of kicks for Christmas. Oh, but aren’t their intentions just the sweetest? You can count on one finger the number of times you’ve worn Zips. But, to the fashion-blind that are your relatives, these particular shoes are what are ‘in’ and ‘hip’. But after opening then, all your kid wants to do is kick hr in the hip. Glad that receipt is taped to the box, Nana.
4. Spouse-Inappropriate Gifts
So you’ve been married for 10 years? Congratulations! You went right out and got your spouse a toaster for Christmas, huh? Nice. Don’t be surprised if you find divorce papers in your stocking.
3. Clothing
Do you see those tattered rags all in black that your kid ‘wears’ to school? Have you even noticed, shy of just in passing, that your daughter is wearing leggings and denim mini-skirts with a Green Day T-shirt? Hmm… well, maybe that’s your problem. If you are going to get your children clothes for Christmas, I’d suggest rifling through their rooms and copying exactly what you see there. Or, better yet, gift certificates to Hot Topic.
2. Age-Inappropriate Toys
Do you, as I do, have that loony Grandmother, somewhere deep in her eighties, who believes that her great-grandchildren are forever 2, even when some of them are 6? Yeah, I thought so. Well, unfortunately, there is really not much to be done about it since the chances she even remembers your name, let alone where the receipts are, are pretty slim. Luckily, many stores will grant you with credit and you can then return that 18-month age-appropriate toy for something more fitting for your twelve-year old.
1. Something You Just Plain Didn’t Want
More often than not, you are just going to get a whole bunch of crap that you will never, in a million years, look at twice again, not to mention even use. There is just no room in your life for an Ant Farm, a year-supply of various Salves, or a creepy wooden Jesus clock. Find that receipt but quick and get yourself something nice.
Contributor: StewWriter
Ravyn: It's amazing how differing genders view bathstuffs. My wife loves to get crap like that. So does my homo*****ual father (yes, he actually is gay), and most of my female friends. I would prefer to not get them though. While I prefer practical gifts, they have to be multi use items. Get me some socks, or cuff links, or a nice professional tie or something of the sort. But don't get me soap that smells like vanilla and brown sugar.
Here's a cool story I stumbled across on Snopes.com about a pair of pants that passed between two brothers for 35 yearshttp://snopes.com/holidays/christmas/pants.asp
My sister sneaked an ugly plastic cup out of the trash that I had ceremoniously thrown away after mom died. I had always tried to get mom to throw it away. Anyway, she sent it to me for Christmas that year from NY. I went to visit her 6 months later & sneaked it into a cabinet. Nine months later, I got it sent to me from New Mexico. I kept it 3 months and sent it to her through a friend in Australia. She came to visit and sneaked it into my cabinet. I waited 6 months and had it sent from Poland when some friends visited. She’s had it since then and says she can’t top that. Gifts like that can be fun.
An update: I just asked my sister if she still had the ugly cup. She said she used it as a coffin for a friend’s parakeet in hopes that some archaeologist of the future might some day go insane trying to figure out the meaning behind it.
good list, but its not specific enough, its just a list of everything anyone usually gets for christmas
jesse: i agree, i like the list but it just seems too general.
man, panic at the disco and fallout boy are really annoying.
and I don’t think you have to be the parents of teenagers to feel that way, i’m only 23!
Where’s the fruitcake?!
Unwanted gifts are what Ebay is for. Turn them into cash and get something you really want.
My mom got me a star one year for X-mas. Yes, honest to God, a star from some celestial/space/solar organization who were “selling” stars. I had the certificate of authenticity and everything. So do I call NASA for a refund or what?!
See,this is exactly why I don’t do the whole gift giving thing. Much better to get nothing than all that disappointment.
Cute list. This year my kids got 3 copies of Chutes and Ladders and 2 copies of Candy Land. Not to mention the fact that they already have those games in their collection.
I kinda have to disagree with #9 add-on. Bathroom stuffs are awesome to get. I got a couple of them this year and I love them. Specially since now the prewrapped gift sets come with extra things like hairbrushes, candles and ***** rollers. Such a wonderful thing. I have all different kinds of scents now that I can choose to with my mood vanilla or lavander or cherry blossom since I don’t like the name brand stuff like Curve or Channel or that crap.
Oh and most of the time when I get housewares, the people who get them for me seem to read my mind. Like this year my fiance and I have been talking about getting a deep fryer and now we have one. We also needed a new vacuum since ours was well onto its last leg. Got that too. I didn’t get anything this year that I didn’t need/want. (I even got my Harry Potter 5 movie that I was going to get on my next check.)
My kids are extremely happy with what they got (including the clothes) this year. I don’t have to return anything. The douplicate games are going to be given to some kids in the family I know don’t have them and the givers know and agree with my doing that.
Duplicate toys can be lots of fun. My brother-in law lives in a different state and we got one of his kids a Nerf dart gun and his sister (not my wife) who lives in a 3rd state got him the same Nerf gun. Rather than be bummed out from a dup gift, he now has two guns so he can play with a friend.
only have to return two things this year…
a book, two people bought me the same one
and a dvd, they got me the full screen version instead of the widescreen, i cant stand pan and scan!
Lame.
Torn and Frayed = emo
OMG! I can’t believe someone but me has heard of Mega Force.
Angelina: I like that, a star. You made my day.
Anybody wanted to trade my new collection of John Wayne’s old movie? I just received it a day ago sealed in a very nice can container.
That is a picture of Klaxons, correct?
I always wondered why people gace “practical” gifts like a toaster to a spouse. My wife and I have always had a cool rule against that. We can get the practical stuff anytime. During Christmas you have to think of something the other would have fun with!
Then again we did give one of those Fred Holy Mary in the Toast deals as a gag to her brother. Yep he loved it. I guess our standards of practical are not universally defined!
4. Miss Destiny – December 26th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
Where’s the fruitcake?!
Agreed .. I was sure expecting that at number 1.
Hehe, great list. Although 1 is just way too broad. I think it should have been fruitcake, too.
Mystern: Socks? Really? That’s an acceptable gift? Wow…if I had known that my shopping would have been SO much easier. Not even being sarcastic. Stuff like that is okay to get for guys?
Am I the only one 19 year old who received a $20 gift certificate to Toys-R-Us?
-Andrea Carlena Beauman
Jenna: Yep… good call!
Yeah so last year I got a giftbag from an aunt that had a yellow shirt in it and popcorn? What? I hate the color yellow, and I hate popcorn! I dont know if she knew that and was trying to be funny, or if she was serious. Worst gift ever though!
when i was a kid my aunt adopted the practice of buying me clothes a few weeks after christmas. unfortunately, for me at least, they were always too small, but i would have to squeeze into them for when she came over for dinner. needless to say, they were always swiftly returned, or donated to the local goodwill.
overall i enjoyed this list, along with the countless other on this site.
Hmm…I got a bracelet with a cross on it and a little charm that said “Beleive” which was sort of inappropriate considering I’m agnostic/don’t believe in God, per se. I think my grandparents meant well, anyway.
Image # 7 Video Games from Somethingawful.com.
I agree that, while this list is quite entertaining, it is much too broad. And I noticed something while reading this: I’ve gotten something from almost every category. But they rock. Duplicate toys = two rubik’s cubes Housewares = ginsu knife set, movie = the original “Alien,” game = guitar hero III, music = The Who and The Doors, clothing = yummy sushi hoodie + rolling stones shirt, kids thing = Don’t Break the Ice (best kid game EVER) and something I didn’t *think* I wanted = computerized rubik’s cube(It’s awesome, but wtf). I made out like a frigging bandit this year! Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah/Kwanzaa, Joyous Saturnalia, Festive Festivus and happy New Year, everyone!
Toys Я Us also have electronics including dvds and cds, so a gift certificate is still useful if you don’t want toys. I would get some action figures because I am cool.
now i just ask people what store(s) they like, and get them a gift card. that ensures that they get what they want.
on the other hand, if someone names one thing they reeeeeaaaaalllyy want, i’ll get them that, but otherwise, they just name the store, and they shall get $20 to spend on w/e they want there. it works. i don’t usually like getting money because i always end up spending it on food at the mall or something stupid like that.
the only gift i’m returning this year are some shoes that don’t fit because when i tried them on in the store, i tried them on with socks on, so without socks they don’t fit right. oh well.
My uncle’s wife passed on a tradition to my family. You put the receipt in a sealed envelope in the bottom of the box. If you like the item you throw the envelope out, if you don’t like it you have the receipt to take to the store. Of course we always looked to see how much they paid (haha). We stopped exchanging gifts with my aunt and uncle partially because my aunt was sending junk that she got for free. My last Christmas present from them included a container of toothpicks.
My grandmother insisted on buying me clothes that were big enough for me to “grow into.” I stopped growing at age 19, I finally convinced her of that when I was about 24
It seems as though every year, I recieve brand new… fingernail clipper. Yup yup… It’s strange considering I now have nearly a dozen, and they all still work fine. My nails have never been particularly long, nor am I an unkept person. I don’t get it. Mabye I smell funny.
I was so disappointed this year when I bought my best friend a book that I knew she would love and turned out she already had it. I’m glad I kept the receipt!
Last year I got a Dora the Explorer PJ set and a glittery fake tattoo gun. I’m 23! I have three of my own real tattoos. I don’t need glittery fake ones! And as for Dora the Explorer, the only thing I know about her is to stay away from her lead based GHB laced toys.
Kelsi: I love to get socks because my wife is always throwing out my socks with holes. While I don’t mind this practice I find myself in continual need of new ones. Plus there’s the joy of putting on a brand new pair of socks. I love it. If I had enough money I’d purchase an entire lifetime supply of brand new socks so I could wear a new pair every day. But keep in mind that if you want to give socks as a gift, make sure the person needs socks. Also take a look at the kind of socks they regularly wear. I hate it when someone gets me really uncomfortable socks.
the best way to give gifts is to ask what people want and go get that for them, or get them a gift card or something. i just took my son to walmart and let him pick out what he wanted this year, i am not plahying the “stand in line for an hour to return a gift you spent an hour in line to buy” this year
I got so much loot!
The best was a set of Superman pj’s my fiance got me for a laugh, but they’re comfortable and warm and awesome! I’m wearing them right now, in fact…
I’ve got enough body spray to last a lifetime
Good list, but a bit too general. And isn’t number one a bit of a cop out? You could probably have a list of top ten returned movies, top ten returned clothes, top ten returned video games….
I received fourteen DVD’s this year for Christmas, and to me that is HEAVEN. I suppose I’m a weird one, but anyone who knows me knows I’ll never say “no” to a movie! My poor brother, on the other hand, received a pair of blue fluffy slippers from our batty old great-aunt. The bad part? They had googly eyes. The worst part? He’s twenty-three.
I actually got only housewears for christmas this year! I got a Kitchenaid stand mixer, a food processor, a fondue pot, and a set of bamboo cutting boards. Not to mention all the cookbooks! I love to cook, so I am estatic about all my kitchen stuff. My hubby didn’t get me kitchen stuff though. He got me a big bottle of purfume, which I love!
Most of the time we just tell each other what we want and we either get it or money. This year i got cash, a PS3, a game that I asked for, and money.
one year i got kitchen towels
When you are younger, socks and jocks and towels are the absolute pits when it comes to receiving gifts.
But as you get older, you get to the age where you are going, i really could use some basic necessities.
And then all you get is chocolates. I got three boxes this year.
I have to agree with the clothes thing…I was lucky this year and got my usual style of clothes, but my sister, who is nineteen and dresses punkish/gothish, got a pair of pyjamas that were neon yellow and covered in pink and green flowers. I found this hilarious mainly because she left her normal PJs at her dorm so she had to wear those to her friends’ houses for sleepovers:)
lolz emos r gay
nice list though
id like to add board games to it
bc i got some gay ass board game for christmas(deal or no deal)
like cmon…im 17…not 9
hey, I like fruitcake!! I pretty much agree with this list. some things are a matter of taste, and it’s not worth the gamble.
I agree with the list being too general, but it brought out some funny stories of lame gifts!
This year my worst gift was an awkward, cropped sweater with sleeves so tight they cut off my circulation (and I’m small!) The giver of the gift decided that I wouldn’t like a “cute pea coat” and exchanged it two days before Christmas for the strange sweater I will never wear. The worst part is that the tags were removed so I can’t return it! ARGH!
another one: bags of dog *****
Panic! at the disco!!
i love them they are not anoying
fall out boy
we love them oh my goth i seen them live my feet was full of pain but any way how dare you bug thee boy’s of emo!!!?!!?!?!
that is stupid. That list covers almost anything you could ever get as a present…great thinking joker.
Hmmmm…what gets returned most? I know! Things people DON’T WANT?!?!?! why the hell else would they return them?
And what do you get for a present besides toys, music, movies, clothes (incl. shoes) housewares…and yeah, duplicate toys. Ass.
Does someone have a sandy vigina today? *cough*Tanya*cough*
I return almost none of my gifts.
Mostly because I want to be able to say:
Some Dude: How many things did you get?
Me: MORE THAN YOU!
Even if the stuff is *****ty.
Wow, I have that grandmother too!! She sent me birthday cards with bunnies and balloons until the day she saw me driving my own car.
Nearly put her in the asylum, LOL
Returning gifts is a criminal lack of savoir-vivre.
It’s also illegal, where I come from.
Great list though.
/puts his christ-on-the-cross fridge magnet away in a drawer, to collect dust.
What a waste of plastic.
You know the best present that you can give/recive? Money! At least that way you can rest assured that the person who you gave it to can put it to good use, and buy something that they might actually want!
Apparently, I’m the most difficult person to buy for, since I got $200 worth of bookstore gift cards for my birthday in late Nov and Xmas.
Yeah, I like to read, but I like used bookstores and the library better than new books.
My mum usually has great taste in buying me gifts, especially elegant notebooks and lovely cashmere pullovers. Alas, this year she managed to buy me a polo shirt which was the WORST shade of green ever. If an avocado and a lime had a radioactive baby it would probably be this ugly colour. It made me look like a braindead boy-racer on his way to Ibiza – I but the bullet however and told her the truth.
Did anyone forget candles?
LOL hey sometimes candles are useful. There was a really bad blackout back home once and it lasted for quite a few hours. We ran through nearly all the regular white candles in the house and ended up lighting the humongous scented one someone gave my mom for Christmas.
(and I find this really amusing–I just came from one of the Scientology lists with reasons why it makes no sense, and there is a Scientology ad right at the top of this page. Delightfully ironic.)
yup, it was the top 10 evils of scientology and the top 10 problems with scientology. I must say I
You forgot something that I know the pain of: Toothbrushes. That’s ALL my grandma ever gets me for Christmas or my Birthday; then again, she sometimes mixes it up and gives me underwear or socks.