“I am not AN American,” Sam Clemens once quipped. “I am THE American.” Humorist, satirist and scathing social commentator, Mark Twain occupies a special place in the pantheon of American (and world) writers. Few have come close to matching his precision in lampooning the ills of society, but none have surpassed him. Here is a collection of twenty of his greatest quotations, though there are certainly hundreds to choose from. Enjoy!

1. Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself.

2. Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

3. The average American may not know who his grandfather was. But the American was, however, one degree better off than the average Frenchman who, as a rule, was in considerable doubt as to who his father was.

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George Carlin was a well loved comedian who won four grammy awards for his comedy albums. Carlin is noted for his political insights, his black humor and his observations on language, psychology, religion and on many taboo subjects. He died just 8 days ago, and this is our (listverse’s) tribute to him. Requiescat in pace.

1. I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

2. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

3. I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

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Throughout the history of law, there have been trials of animals, convictions (and even occasional executions) of innocent people. Not so well known are these five cases of people put on trial after they were dead. So here we present the top five cases of the justice system gone wild.

Wycliffe was a dissident in the Catholic Church in the 1400s. He was opposed to Papal power in non-church affairs. In his lifetime he organized a translation of the Latin Vulgate Bible into English. Despite his teachings being extremely controversial, he was never excommunicated (kicked out of the Church). He died during Mass in December 1384. The Council of Constance declared Wycliffe (on 4 May 1415) a stiff-necked heretic and under the ban of the Church. It was decreed that his books be burned and his body be exhumed. The latter did not happen till twelve years afterward, when at the command of Pope Martin V they were dug up, burned, and the ashes cast into the River Swift that flows through Lutterworth.

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When one hears the words “sole survivor” it tends to conjure up many feeling and emotions. For all the families and loved ones after hearing there is only one person that is alive and then holding out hope that just maybe it was their family or loved one that survived. For the survivor thinking why me and was it fate, or was it not my time, was it destiny or was it just pure luck?

Or maybe it is what Forest Gump said: “I don’t know if we each have a destiny, or if we’re all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I think maybe it’s both. Maybe both is happening at the same time”.

NOTE: I tried keeping the descriptions short and that was often difficult. I wanted to include information on the flight, the crash and the survivor. Many sources were used to make this list so I am fairly confident the general information is correct but please if any Listverser knows of any information that is incorrect or want to add some additional facts or information about these air disasters or other sole survivors please share them. Also it might seem not quite right to put a subject matter like this in a bottom to top list order. Obviously each incident is just as tragic as the next. The “order” criteria I used was the over all survival story and the survival chances of each individual.

Date of Crash: January 19, 2006
Aircraft type: Antonov An-24
Operator: Slovak Air Force
Crash Site: Hejce, Hungary
Passengers & Crew: 43
Fatalities : 42
Cause of Crash: Pilot Error

This airplane was carrying Slovak peacekeepers. The aircraft crashed in snowy and forested terrain on Borsó Hill at an elevation of 700 meters (2,300 feet) near the Hungarian village of Hejce and the town of Telkibánya. The plane hit the tops of trees before catching fire and crashing. The bodies and wreckage were scattered over a large area. Michaela Farkasova, the wife of the only survivor, reported that she received a cellular telephone call from her husband and told her that his plane had crashed in a forest. He asked her to alert rescue services. Shortly after the phone call Farkas was found. According to rescuers, his survival was pure luck as he was found in the aircraft’s lavatory, which received little damage. Farkaš suffered minor brain swelling and lung injuries after the crash. He was put into a medically induced coma, and was soon reported to be in stable condition. Further investigations indicated that the pilot descended too early in the dark towards the lights of Košice.

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The qualification for this list is that the people were notable in their own right, and not simply because they disappeared, so no Madeleine McCann and the crew of the Mary Celeste. Some were simply accidental. Some have attracted conspiracy theories. One was definitely foul play. In chronological order:

Steve Fossett, American businessman, aviator and sailor. Disappeared on 3 September 2007 while flying over the Nevada desert. Fossett was the first man to fly solo around the world non-stop in an airballoon. No trace found yet.

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