10 Strange Cases Involving Dildos
You will probably be surprised to learn that dildos have existed in some form throughout all of history. Archaeologists have even unearthed a 28,000-year-old stone penis that very possibly was used as a sex toy. Today, dildos come in all sizes and shapes and can be found in a very large volume. Just one sex toy factory in Los Angeles claims to produce 15,000 sex toys a day, which calculates to approximately five million a year. In layman’s terms, that’s a lot of dildos.
It might come as no surprise, then, that some of these dildos have been involved in some very strange cases. The following are just ten of the strangest news stories from the last decade involving dildos.
10 Lotions And Lace
In addition to being used as an adult toy, dildos can also function as a weapon like in the following story, which occurred at a Lotions and Lace store in San Bernardino, California, in December 2016. Fifteen minutes before closing, a robber wearing a gray hoodie entered the store and held its employees at gunpoint.
However, the robber met interference when he tried to obtain money from the cash register. Rather than comply with the criminal’s wishes, the two female clerks fought him off by throwing dildos at him. When questioned about why she fought the man off, one of the store clerks told the local news that she just wasn’t scared and didn’t have time for the robber’s shenanigans. The store employees proceed to throw dildos and other sex toys at the man until he left the store.
This masked man is not to be confused with Newfoundland’s “dildo bandit,” who made news in January 2017 for robbing dildos from a St. John’s sex store.
9 The Dildo Flag
The following story doesn’t deal with actual dildos but rather artistic depictions of them, which created quite the controversy. In 2015, CNN international assignment editor Lucy Pawle thought she was playing the role of an eagle-eyed reporter when she commented on-air that she had spotted an ISIS flag at a London Gay Pride parade. Pawle was so invigorated about noticing this potential act of terrorism that she announced it was a “glorious exclusive.”
In actuality, however, the flag was just a very clever act of satire created by artist Paul Coombs, who had spent the morning of the parade hand-stitching dildos. Coombs later revealed that he had created the flag as an act of protest against countries that still view gay citizens as sex objects. If asked about the flag’s relationship to Islam, Coombs noted that he had been careful not to replicate any actual writing on the flag because Islam was not the target. The flag was then marched as part of Alien Sex Club, an art project exploring HIV by John Walter.
8 The Dildo Flinger
In the wrong hands, a dildo can be a very dangerous weapon. In 2014, a man in Wisconsin was accused of flinging dildos out of his vehicle and at teenage girls, ranging from 13 to 15 years old. Konrad Peters would then remain in his car as he watched the bystander/victim respond. These drive-by dildo events occurred on at least three occasions. In one instance, Peters stopped his car completely and placed a giant purple dildo on the ground. He seems to have come back later to retrieve his dildo the next day because the sex toy disappeared from where it was placed.
Based on details gathered by these few drive-by encounters, law enforcement was able to obtain a search warrant for the dildo-flinger’s house. The search warrant lists some additional and fascinating information, including the fact that the 28-year-old man who was flinging dildos at teenage girls lived with his mother. When the mother asked her son why the police were coming to question him, Peters responded that law enforcement was actually being helpful because someone had cut him off earlier in traffic. Ultimately, the search of Peters’s home revealed that he had a collection of 33 dildos.
7 The Washed Up Dildos
There are many cases of dildos appearing in strange places. Rarely, though, do groups of dildos mysteriously appear in the same place at the same time. In September 2017, many kids in Camaldoli, which is near Naples, Italy, were heartbroken because they were banned from swimming on a beach after dozens of dildos began to wash up close to a monastery. The children appear to have been banned from entering the beach to avoid viewing the washed up rubber penises.
Volunteers from the Licola Mare Clean Association said that their first response to the sight of these adult toys scattered on the sand was laughter. The president of the association later explained that because of how the sea flows, a large amount of garbage is known to end up on the picturesque beach. Even though volunteers from the association reported that it was the first time they’d encountered a bunch of dildo wreckage, a similar case occurred in 2016, when a man who was walking along the beaches in County Clare, Ireland, discovered two dildos that had washed ashore.
6 The Sex Toy Fairy
If you’ve ever driven through a city and noticed a pair of shoes hanging from a power line, this next story about dildos in strange places might have some personal resonance for you. A woman who goes by the name of the “Sex Toy Fairy” began hanging dildos from power lines in Portland, Oregon, in 2015. Viewing the work of the Sex Toy Fairy has turned into a social media event for Portland residents, with many pictures of the hanging dildos appearing online.
Vice sat down to have a discussion with the mysterious fairy and learn what her motivation was for engaging in such a peculiar activity. The fairy is a 20-something college graduate who has planned a much larger sex-toy prank initiative. The work of this strange and wonderful woman even took on a Johnny Appleseed quality, as other individuals began to hang dildos in a similar manner. The work of Sex Toy Fairy also resembles Robin Hood a bit, as she stays in fear of the law and drives around Portland giving boxes of dildos to random individuals.
5 Dildo Boulevard
Our third entry about dildos appearing in strange places takes us to Australia’s “dildo boulevard,” which is what locals began to call Osbeck Road, located in the Northern Territory, after 30 dildos were found lying in front of a nearby house in 2009. No one in the area knows where exactly the dildos came from or how they ended up in front of the house. Another mystery occurred when some of the larger dildos began to disappear from the house. To inform others about the road’s mystery items, one individual changed the Osbeck Road street sign to “Dildo Boulevard.”
Fortunately, many of the sex toys on Dildo Boulevard were crushed under the wheels of passing cars and did not create motor vehicle complications. This isn’t always the case, however, when dildos find their way into traffic. When dildos fell into the road on Moscow’s Tsvetnoy Boulevard in 2016, a traffic jam ensued. All motor vehicle drivers should remember that the best way to avoid potential accidents is to avoid taking their eyes off the road, which remains true even if the road is full of dildos.
4 The Dildo-Eating Fish
Special note should be made of the cases of dildos being found inside animals. One of the oddest of these tales involves a Norwegian fisherman who caught a cod that had something surprising in its stomach in 2014. That’s right, it was a dildo. As someone with great knowledge of the sea, the fisherman postulated that the dildo likely resembles a breed of octopus, which cod are known to eat. The dildo previously had a vibrator motor inside it, but at the time the sex toy was eaten by the cod, both the batteries and motor were missing. The fisherman, however, had less convincing answers about how the orange dildo had ended up in the ocean and theorized that an upset wife likely threw it off a ship.
At least this Norwegian fisherman was lucky enough to have caught a fish as well as a dildo. A fisherman in Bingley, West Yorkshire, was less lucky in January 2017. This man went fishing for pike but ended up finding just a sex toy at the bottom of his net.
3 The Shower Dildo
It’s not necessarily that the dildo in the following case was involved in any strange happenings but rather that it became too famous for its own good. While working in a new customer’s house in Queensland in 2017, a plumber noticed a flesh-colored dildo stuck to a shower wall.
Rather than let his customer retain her privacy, the plumber took a photo of the dildo and proceeded to share it on the “Blokes Advice” group on Facebook, where the picture was liked thousands of times. The picture was then shared by several other social media groups, with someone adding, “As a plumber, this is my greatest fear.” Unfortunately for the plumber, the customer who owned the dildo belonged to one of the groups that shared the picture.
The plumber was ultimately terminated from his position. Some social media commentators had a hard time believing that this turn of events was not fake.
2 Hockey Dildos
Throwing objects at a sporting stadium is a long-practiced tradition. In many cases, there’s an element of lawbreaking attached to this behavior. One of the more unique objects to be tossed are octopuses, which have been thrown at the Detroit Red Wings stadium since 1952. In October 2017, a man was even banned from the stadium for life for throwing an octopus onto the ice.
Dildos, however, have also been thrown at sporting events. In 2008, Swedish hockey fans in Stockholm created chaos with dildos. The week before a match, the website for an unofficial support group told fans to bring dildos to a hockey game to remind a player of a sex scandal in which he had been involved. Before the game even started, fans began to throw dozens of dildos onto the ice. A group of fans even unveiled a banner that read “Bend over b—ch!” in addition to a giant inflatable penis. Even though there was a large blow-up phallus and a rink strewn with dildos, a representative from Sweden’s ice hockey association referred to the incident as a “non-issue,” and the game went on as normal.
1 The Flying Dildo
The last entry on this list is probably the most memorable. There are numerous reported stories about the strength of female private parts. For example, one woman is able to hold objects weighing up to 4.5 kilograms (10 lb) with her vagina. That’s not nearly as strange, however, as the following incident.
At a bachelor party in Brisbane, Australia, in December 2010, a female performer injured a guest. The woman stood out from other performers due to her ability to shoot a bullet-shaped pink dildo out of her vagina. The woman fired a dildo that reportedly traveled 7 meters (23 ft) and went as high as 2 meters (6.6 ft) in the air. Unfortunately, it hit a guest at the party in exactly the correct manner to leave him with a bloody forehead. Despite this wound, the man was also left with an unusual story that he could tell for the rest of his life.
Read more absolutely bizarre stories on 10 Bizarre Ways People Have Been Killed By Pets and Top 10 Crazy Things The British Have Done For A Cup Of Tea.